


Mosaic

by FlyingRedPanda



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: A more broken version of Seb’s Bucky, Adventure, Alternate Universe – Canon Divergence, Angst, Anything can happen - Freeform, Bucky needs a hug, Can be triggering to some, Dash of Humor, Domestic Moments, Everybody has secrets, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Half Slice of Life, Hiding, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra (Marvel), In it for the long haul, Little Happy Moments, Long road to recovery, MCU Spoilers, Manipulation, Other MCU Characters show up eventually, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – PTSD, Seb’s Bucky, Self-Discovery, This will have dark moments, eventually romance, some mystery, touch starved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 16:05:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 184,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7899091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyingRedPanda/pseuds/FlyingRedPanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><br/><i>"The broken pieces… take the ones you do have, the ones you’ll find, the ones you’ll make and build something… build <i>someone</i>, who you could live with."</i><br/><br/>A story about two people and their interactions with each other, the people they come across, and the world around them.<br/>All while being hunted by friend and foe alike.<br/><br/>(Currently going through re-editing. But new chapters will still be going up.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Prologue - Snow Coffins

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The Marvel characters belong to Marvel. This is for entertainment purposes only.  
> The original characters and certain concepts are my own. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now a fugitive, he can barely recognise the world that he had a hand in shaping. Everybody who’s anybody is hunting the Winter Soldier. Be it indoctrination, revenge or friendship. His mind, no thanks to Hydra, is in such a fragmented mess that he can’t even trust himself. But for the first time in decades, he has a name: Bucky. A start to finding himself.  
>   
> Before his programming has him walking back to Hydra on his own two feet, he goes on a search to break it. On a stakeout, he crosses paths with a young woman and her addiction to a certain pulled pork sandwich from a food truck. And when her hectic life of hopping from place to place, project to project, catches up to her, the little fragment of a hero that couldn’t be carved out of him gets him tangled up in a kidnapping attempt.  
>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Edited 2018 05 11)

**.**

**.**

**. ** .**

**.**

 

Fear.

There was so much fear in those blue eyes. So much fear carved into the features of that face. So much fear that pumped through my own veins.

He desperately tried to fight it, caging me against a thick tree trunk. His fingers dug into the wood. His feet shifted trying to keep them out of the current.

So much of this was his worst fears, and there was _nothing_ I could do to quell them.

I could barely register the splintering of the wood right next to my ears. Nothing else could be heard over the roar of the monster that was the snow flowing around us. Not even the scream that must have torn from his throat.

But the suffocating terror in those eyes, that was loud and clear. That was until his face disappeared.

I couldn’t reach out in time. He was ripped right out of my fingertips. I could only hope my spine could handle what was to come.

A painful yank around my waist pulled me away from the tree trunk and into the raging river of ice.

‘Swim.’ The single thought echoed through my mind.

Muscles fought with all they had, forcing themselves through the thick torrent, desperate to break surface. I had to break surface.

Sinking meant death.

Nobody was coming. There’s no rescue on its way.

A second of air.

A second to gasp.

A second before snow shoved my head back under.

It was slowing down. There’s be no way to move once it settles.

I curled up. Hands pulled to my face. Ribs expanded. Legs still kicking up a storm.

If I could only hope to break surface again.

The only inkling I had that he was still close was the rope tugging painfully around my waist. There was a weight on the other end.

I blatantly shoved out of my mind the possibility of it being tangled around something. That he wasn’t there on the other end. He had to be there. He just had to.

And then everything stopped.

I struggled with everything I had, thrashing to make space before the snow settled. I could hear it creaking into place.

Silence.

Deafening silence.

Pretty sure I was somewhat upside down, being that my head pounded with blood. A little dribble of spit confirmed that. Upside down and faced down. With any luck, the brightness of the snow meant I wasn’t buried too deep.

I had a little bit of wiggle room. More around my legs, but they were in an odd position. One somewhat “straight” and the other one drawn up, bent at the knee, ready to kick.

A deep breath in and I lashed out with everything my legs had, bracing with my arms. Hoping, praying that I was close to the surface, that there was some give to this icy embrace.

Wasting a second breath for freedom, I found it. By some miracle, it came to me. My foot could move. I could rotate it at the ankle.

With my fight renewed by absolute desperation, I kicked and wiggled, trying to free my other leg.

Every drop of air was precious.

Every second more so.

My hands dug, releasing pockets of trapped air. It bought me some time, but what I needed was to remove the rope around my waist. It pinned me in place but it was also what told me where he might be. The more I struggled, the less give the snow had. It was like fighting concrete. Nothing soft about it.

Anxiety weaved through my veins and settled in my heart. ‘Are you alive? Are you there? Are you with me?’

My mind tried to fight it, but it was growing exhausted.

My body screamed for a break. But I couldn’t. I didn’t have that luxury.

It wasn’t just my life to give up.

My other leg managed to break the surface. With the weird space my bent leg had left, I pulled my knees in as hard as I could. My hands pushed against the ice wall above my head, or below in this case.

“ _FUCK_!!!”

This had to be the only moment in my life where I wished the human body was tubular shaped. Or even a cone, so long as my feet was the wide end.

“Why the hell do we have boobs!?!”

All they did was take up space and hurt when I attempted to slip through the space my lower ribs once occupied. Not that I could move much with the rope, pinning me in this godforsaken prison.

My feet desperately kicked out, pushing my body further into the stupid hole, freeing my ribs from the little space my waist had made. With my teeth, I pulled off my gloves to claw at the snow with my nails. If I could just get an arm through to where my legs were, I’d have my survival blade in hand rather than strapped to my calf.

‘It better fucking still be there,’ I couldn’t help but think.

Exhaling as much as I could, I pushed my body to one side the best I could and forcefully shoved an arm through the little space. Blindly groping for the knife, I would’ve sighed out in relief if I had any breath left in me. But I didn’t.

A few careful wiggles, I managed to cut the rope. A few more, the knife was buried safely in the ice wall in front of me. Out of the way of a few more mad thrashes and I was mostly in the little cave my legs had made.

Folding my legs under me, I pulled my head and arms through the narrow bottleneck my waist had made. Probably should have expanded my stomach instead of my ribs, now that I thought about it.

Gasps of fresh air were barely savoured before I pulled on my gloves, collected my knife and climbed onto the surface. Sparing a second for a quick scan, it was mostly white only broken up by the tops of the freshly buried trees.

No movements.

 _For now_.

Scrambling down what I thought was the length of rope, I dug with everything I had. My gloves couldn’t move much of the snow. Packed too tightly by the avalanche. My fingers couldn’t break through fast enough. It ate away too much time.

Time none of us had.

With a sheathed knife, I desperately dug wide, hoping that he hadn’t sunk down to the bottom. I wouldn’t be able to get to him.

Hope bloomed in my heart at the soft _tink_ that caught my ears.

Metal.

The sheath hit metal.

‘This better not be the fucking snowmobiles.’

As useful as they might be, it wasn’t what I needed.

Clearing a bit of snow, the shiny gleam I would know anywhere greeted me. Vibranium alloy plates.

Urgently, I dug for his face, searching for it with my hands. A sheath to the face wasn’t ideal.

There wasn’t even a twitch on the plates when I hit it. He would have reacted. He wasn’t conscious. Time was slipping through our fingers.

‘You better not be dead.’

My arms screamed for a break. My fingers cramped up from use. The cold air burned my lungs.

I couldn’t give up.

Not on him.

Not after all he’d done for me.

I couldn’t do that to him.

I had to keep fighting. Even if it was against my own body and this frozen hell.

I’d keep fighting for him.

And then, a face. That beautiful face. Even upside down.

‘Please. Please. Please. Please. _Please_.’

Those piercing blue eyes shot open.

Panic.

Pure, unfiltered panic.

My hands immediately covered his mouth, muffling his screams. I could hear the whirring of his cybernetic arm as he struggled to move. He couldn’t. Probably not even a millimetre.

“Bucky,” I hissed, hoping he’d hear me. “Bucky, stop.”

He didn’t.

He _couldn’t_.

Not when he was trapped in his own personal hell.

He’s been here before.

Another place. Another time. Another life.

“ _Bucky_. Listen to me. Quit screaming, or _Hydra_ will fucking find us.”

The light in those eyes dulled a bit. His screams stopped. He was listening.

I went back to freeing his body while my voice tried to find him in the tattered mess that his mind was likely in.

“You’re not in Europe. You’re in the Rockies. Canada, ‘kay? They’re not going to get to you. Not again. We’re getting out of this. You with me?”

There was some recognition in his eyes. But panic was quickly consuming it.

I could only offer him a small smile in hopes to comfort him. “Hang in there, ‘kay? I’m not going to let you freeze to death.”

“I… I can’t… I can’t b-b-bre-breathe.” His words were so soft. So small. So feeble. It was heart wrenching.

“Is your body rather straight, or is your head tilted?”

“St-st – ”

That was all he needed to work through his clattering teeth and small gasps for air. I scrambled, digging like a mad dog.

I needed to free his chest first. He needed the ability to breathe. The metal arm would be next, so he could help get himself out.

By the time we got Bucky free of the snow, the sun had disappeared beyond the mountains. I was a sweating mess, struggling for more oxygen than my lungs could hold. Bucky was a shivering ball of fear and misery, trapped in his memories and reliving his nightmares.

I took a moment to truly take in our surroundings, now that neither of us were in immediate danger of suffocating to death. Still no movements.

Hydra wasn’t close by. Couldn’t be more content if they were all buried and or dead.

But none of that stopped my heart from plummeting into my stomach.

“Wh-where ar-re… wh-ere are… are w-w-we-we?” Bucky clattered out.

“I’ve got no idea….”

 

**.**

**. ** .**

**.**

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the Prologue.  
> It's set in future of the story. 
> 
> This is mostly here because of Bucky's chapters.  
> The chapter titles will be the name of the person's POV the chapter is written in. 
> 
> And I'll also like to thank my best friend for editing random part of this and for dragging me through the summary writing.  
> For some reason, this was difficult to summarize. Could have something to do with how I just hissed at everything like it was going to be a spoiler and didn't want to include any of it.


	2. Bucky Barnes - Pulled Pork Sandwiches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Edited 2018 05 11)

 

**.**

**.**

**. ** .**

**.**

 

22 bodies. 9 children. 6 women. 5 men. 2 dogs.

More than the usual.

Playground to the west. Food truck to the east. Fountain 7.53 meters in front of the bench I occupied.

Out in the open.

The trees’ shadows didn’t hide me.

Nervously, I pulled down my cap. I was too exposed. There were too many eyes.  Needed to cover more of my face. Praying that nobody would recognize me.

So far, none have… _yet_.

That target still hadn’t shown up here. It’s been a week. The information said that she’d be here eventually. That she frequented the park. No one matched the picture in the file. Not even remotely.

Being still stuck in D.C… it wasn’t pleasant. Every siren had my nerves on fire with dread.

Were they coming for me?

23 bodies.

A woman.

Not the one I was waiting for. One of the regulars of the park. She only did one thing, and one thing only. And she was already making a beeline for the food truck. Passing in front of me, she sent me the usual happy grin.

It unsettled my nerves.

What if she recognized me? What if she called the authorities?

Then I would lose my chance at the target. I’d have to leave D.C.

This time, she broke from routine.

Freezing midstep. Eyes staring right at me. Her head cocking to the side. Curiosity spilling from those pale gray eyes.

My muscle twitched. Ready to run.

Run fast. Run far.

“Somebody’s hungry,” she laughed, practically grinning from ear to ear. “I could hear your stomach from over here. You should try one of the sandwiches from the truck. The pulled pork is _amazing_ …. I can’t stop eating it.”

That was why she came here every other day. Eating the same sandwich every single time.

I stayed on the bench.

She’d turn away. Give up. Continue on her routine.

Except she didn’t.

She expectantly waited. Likely waiting for me to get up.

I didn’t.

It was so jarring to be spoken to in such a manner. Friendly. Still so foreign to me. Though this was the first one to have no tension in her shoulders. Unfazed by my appearance.

_“Menacing,”_ one of the others who had interacted with me had tried to joke.

The librarian. The one whose muscles coiled every so often. Looking about ready to react to anything I did. Even when she was teaching me about computers.

There was also the man. The one who suggested the shelter and library. He was always on guard.

“Come on.” Her voice was light, uncommanding and brimming with laughter. As if she didn’t have a care in the world.

“I don’t have the funds,” I muttered.

I wanted to sink into the bench. I wanted to blend with the shadows. I wanted to disappear from her attention.

“Oh.” Her face dropped for a fraction of a second before the grin was beaming again. Her shoulders shrugged. “My treat then.”

Before I could refuse, she was already halfway to the food truck.

A small bounce in her step. A sway to her hips. A ponytail swinging wildly from side to side.

Nothing efficient in her movements.

I wanted to run. But the target could come today.

My head pounded. I couldn’t decide what to do. Decisions were difficult. This one was too much. There was some autonomy with missions. But for the most part, they were mostky planned out for me. Information gathered for me.

This was all new to me.

“Here you go.” Her hand held out a wonderful smelling bundle wrapped in paper. Another one tucked by her chest.

The grin on her face grew when I carefully took the food from her with my right hand. The flesh hand. Couldn’t risk her accidentally spotting the metal one.

“Enjoy.”

I nodded. A gesture that escaped me. I couldn’t understand why I did it.

She smiled in return. With a spin on a heel, her back was to me. Unguarded.

Close enough to reach up….

Snap the neck. Target incapacitated.

No one around could stop me. No one was looking.

Dead before she’d even realize it.

Far too easy to toss her body into the bushes behind me. One movement and nobody would be the wiser.

A quick and simple kill.

I hated where my mind automatically went. Death and destruction.

How many ways was there to kill a person. How fast it could be done. How easy it would be.

As her sandals slapped on the pavement, she made her way to the fountain. Her usual seat. Where she ate the sandwich like it was the best thing she’s had.

This time though, those gray eyes locked with mine. Her head tilted with a grin. Then everything fell back into routine. She tore into the sandwich.

I looked down at the one in my hand. It smelled so good. Gingerly removing the metal hand from its pocket, I carefully peeled back the paper.

Pain shot up from my left shoulder. Random shocks. Damage left from the battle almost a month ago. It took a toll. I couldn’t get it fixed.

Not without going back to _them_.

Forcing my brain to get the metal hand back into its pocket, I hoped that it would conceal the involuntary movements. To hide the pain I felt.

The young woman across the way was still staring. Her brow furrowing in question. Jaw chewing the food in her stuffed cheek.

I shook my head. Trying to shake out the pain.

Tentatively, I took my first bite of the sandwich. An explosion of flavor. It was so strong. It was nothing like the mush I’ve been eating.

There were different textures. Soft bread. Tender meat. Crunchy vegetables.

It was amazing.

It did wonders for the grumbling pit in my gut.

 

**.**

**. ** .**

**.**

 

“Another sandwich?” the young woman was back.

Almost like clockwork, though the time she came was always random. But she was here every other day, as usual.

 I didn’t respond. I shouldn’t grow to rely on her.

“A different kind? I haven’t tried the others. Got hooked on the first one.”

Her head cocked to the side in question as she spoke. The feigned thoughtful pout broke into a carefree grin. A shoulder rose to almost meet her ear in a half shrug.

“Sure.” It slipped out of my lips before I could stop it.

She nodded. Her hand came up to shield her eyes from the sun. They squinted just the slightest.

“Beef or… fish? Does that say fish? I think it says fish ta…co?” she questioned, reading off the menu.

I shrugged, glaring at her feet. Those toes wiggling as she rocked onto the back of her heels. I dare not look up.

“‘Kay.” She bounded over to the food truck.

A neon yellow disc flew from the east entrance towards the playground.

‘What’s that?’

It was spinning. Even hovered before rounding back.

It held so much of my fascination as to what it could be that I missed the large two colored dog dashing down the wide path. Not until it was in the air with a great leap.

It caught the disc in its mouth. Snatching it right out of the air. With its tail wagging, the dog excitedly trotted back to a man.

That was when my eyes fell on the young woman’s frown. Furiously pacing the length of the truck. Her hands wrapped around a slim rectangular object that glowed on one side.

Something everybody seemed to be constantly interacting with. More than they did with anything else. More than other humans. Even in the shattered bits of my memory, the handlers used them.

Her shoulders drooped with a heavy sigh. Her hand shoved the device into a pocket with unnecessary force. Her fingers ran through the long dark locks. Color reminiscent of a deep pool of blood.

Those gray eyes darted up from the device and found mine. A smile graced her face once more. Her emotions changed so freely. Even giving a laugh going by her shoulder movements.

It wasn’t long before she was walking over. Two sandwiches in hand. This time, she plopped down on the other end of the bench. To my right. Holding out the sandwich. “I got beef for you. Turns out the fish was really a taco….”

She seemed proud of the fact she could read it. Did normal people not have such clarity with their sight? My senses had likely been enhanced over the years. Or did she have an eye problem?

I hated how my brain automatically picked apart the morsel of information. It could come in use in the future.

I gave a small nod, taking the paper-wrapped bundle.

“I’m Valeriy.”

A name. _Her_ name.

The last name given to me via voice was my own.

Told to me by… St… St… the man in the exhibit…. The man from the Helicarrier…. The man… the man on the bridge…?

“You?”

I shrugged. I had no idea how to answer that.

_They_ called me the Asset. The Winter Soldier. A weapon.

The exhibit called me Bucky. Best friend. Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. A… a hero.

I didn’t want to be the former and I had long lost the latter. I didn’t know who I was, so I just dug into the sandwich.

Again, it was something different and the opposite of bland. This burned my tongue less than the other one. The meat was chewier. The vegetables cut differently. And something yellow. Yellow and gooey.

“Okay,” she said with a shrug.

She didn’t seem too put off by my lack of a response. She started her meal, enjoying it fully. If her expression was anything to go by.

The silence between was only broken by the rustling of the wrappers.

This was… pleasant.

To share a meal and not be alone. To talk to someone. To not be ordered around.

I finished my sandwich before she finished half of hers.

After some time, the young woman muffled a laugh. The back of her hand covering her mouth. Her eyes trained on an uncoordinated pup rolling on the dirt pathway. When she turned them onto me, I could see the mirth dancing in them.

I quickly looked away. Glaring at the dirt. I couldn’t risk being recognized. Pulling the bill of the cap down to hide. To feel safer. Wishing I could sink back into the shadows of the leaves.

 “Hmm?” she hummed. Her chewing pace sped up. After a few more seconds and a swallow: “What is it?” Gentle. Light. Neutral.

I could still feel her eyes on me. I couldn’t help but shrink away. Hide under the hat. Hide under the collar.

“Just ask. If you want another sandwich. Sure.” Her elbow lifted a little from the corner of my eye. Likely another one of her shrugs. “If you’re going to ask about my sixth toe… I may not answer.”

Immediately, my focus was on her feet.

The left. Five toes.

The right. Five toes.

All ten gave a playful wiggle. I looked up at her face that twitched a couple of times.

Bell-like laughter broke through the air. The young woman doubled over in giggles. Going as far as tears escaping her eyes. She struggled with a gasp. “Oh my go –! Hahahaha! I can’t – I can’t b-bre-breathe – Hahaha!!”

The half sandwich in her hand plopped onto the ground.

“Awww… Fuck…. Oh shit! No no no no no! Stop! Drop it! Spit it out! Damn it! I don’t think you’re supposed to eat – _Fuuuuuu_ – ish…?”

As the disc catching dog ran off with her lunch, she waved nervously. Towards the playground at the various adults glaring her way.

She plopped down back on the bench. Her arms and legs crossed. One glance my way and a chuckle later, she was back to an uncontrolled bout of laughter.

When she finally calmed down with a sigh, I spoke up. “Your sandwich…. Sorry.”

“Oh no no no.” She waved her hand dismissively. “The expression on your face was _completely_ worth it.” The young woman lolled her head to the side, facing me. Grinning ear to ear. “So, what is it?”

“Why the food?” The words escaped right out of me.

I tore my eyes away from the friendly expression. Focused on the rest of the park.

The target still hadn’t shown up.

“Hunger’s no fun,” she replied lightly with a grin after she swallowed.

“But why?”

Nerves lit. I spoke out of turn. I wasn’t asked to speak.

I watched her. Ready of punishment.

But her shoulders merely shrugged. She thought for a moment. Then a soft grin pulled at her lips. It was different. I couldn’t figure out why, but it was different. Less bright, but… _warming_.

“I don’t want anything in return. Don’t worry about that…. Somebody… somebody did the same for me years ago. He helped me out more often than not and didn’t want a thing from me. I learned a lot from him….

“So fuck being all judgy. Fuck the image. If someone’s hungry in front of me, then I can damn well buy food. Just doing what I feel like. Nothing to it.”

But it wasn’t nothing. At least to me.

This was a shred of hope.

That I might be more than a weapon. That I might be… that I might be a… _person_.

“ _So_ …” she started, “what brings you to this park? I see you sitting here every time I come.”

I tensed.

Did that mean she started coming around here at the same time I did? Had she slipped up? Was she here for me?

‘Are you one of _them_ …?’

Muscles coiled ready to fight my way out of this. Eyes darted to every face. Every movement in the park. To the cars driving by.

All the while, the warmth turned to ice in my veins.

“Well, except the first few times? I don’t recall you sitting here.”

I relaxed slightly.

She couldn’t have known I’d be here. Not before I knew. Not before I found the information. The target.

“Waiting,” I finally replied.

The target had yet to show her face. The information said that it was rare. But that she would show up here… _eventually_.

The young woman nodded. Grinning at the uncoordinated pup running after a butterfly. Another silence washed over us. Her toes wiggling against her sandals. With a soft sigh, she stood up. A gentle smile on her face. “I guess I’ll probably see you in a couple of days?”

I shrugged. It all depended on the target. She could show tomorrow. Or tonight. Hopefully soon.

“See you around, Stranger.” With that, she walked away. Barely dodging a horde of racing children.

 

**.**

**. ** .**

**.**

 

18 days.

I’ve been sitting in this park for two and a half weeks.

There hadn’t been a whisper of the target. The information said that she would show. It said that it’d be rare. But that she would definitely _show_.

I could feel myself doubting the information I found. It was irking.

Then, there was the young woman. Munching hungrily on a pork sandwich. Practically inhaling it. As if she hadn’t eaten in days.

She’d pop into the park every other day. There’d be a small greeting from her. She’d ask what I wanted. A shrug was always my response. She’d return the gesture, skipping away.

Five meals she’d bought for me now.

It was no longer just her routine. It was becoming _ours_.

It was nice.

The silent meals. The small exchange of words. It gave me hope. That I could do this. That I could overcome this. Whatever that was done to me. For what I’ve found out to be decades.

They had me for _70 years_.

“That hit the spot,” the young woman laughed. Sitting back against the bench. Tossing the balled up wad of paper and sauce right next to the trashcan. Her lips pursed into a frown. Long legs kicked out to bring her onto her feet. “Damn. You’re better at this.”

A small game between us.

I had never missed the can. A simple shot. Helped that I was closer than she was.

Her dainty finger snatched up the wrapper. Only to miss again. “Oh come _on_! I’m right next to the fffff…ish…?” Her voice faded.

Her eyes followed a pint-sized blond child racing past her. Gray eyes rolled. Slim shoulders sagged. She picked up her garbage once more. Properly disposed of it with a hand on her hip.

“You look exhausted, Buddy. Have you been sleeping well?”

I shrugged.

I haven’t.

The nightmares. The faces. Faces that were familiar. Faces that were splattered with blood. Faces frozen in horror. The faces of the dead I left in my wake.

A question passed over her features, but she shook her head.

That was when I noticed it. Something over her shoulder. The little blond boy who had cut off her words. He was running up to a black SUV with a blonde woman seated inside.

I shot up onto my feet.

But the door had closed. The car was driving away.

I couldn’t chase after it. Not without raising questions from strangers. I haven’t seen people run that fast. Not since the man on the Helicarrier. I doubt most people could run that fast.

Then there was the weapon fused to my shoulder. The damage done to it. The pain would only hinder me. If only it could heal. Like my once dislocated shoulder.

The blonde woman. It could have been her. She could have been the target.

A barely familiar feeling of lightness invaded my chest. Hope. There was still hope. Hope that I could be free.

That she actually came to this park. Just as the information said. That I wasn’t wasting time.

“What’s wrong?” The young woman whirled around. Scanning the surroundings. Seemingly systematically. Her head tilting to the side.

Doubtful she would find anything. She didn’t even know what I was waiting for.

She turned back to me. A brow raised in question.

I shook my head. Eased back down onto the bench. Spend a bit of time here. Sort out my thoughts. Before heading back to the shelter to clean off the day’s grime.

With a shrug, she dismissed the whole incident. “Alright. I’ll try not to be so late next time.” She laughed rather nervously. Glancing at the now closed food truck. Packing away from the night. “See you around, Stranger.”

 

**.**

**. ** .**

**.**

 

‘This has become a routine,’ I couldn’t help but think.

The scrunched up ball of paper flew from my fingers and straight into the garbage can.

It’s been another week.

Of waiting for the target. Of eating sandwiches. Of watching the park goers.

My eyes chased every blond boy. But they’ve settled on one. One that came almost every day. Between 1536 to 1721.

The blonde woman wasn’t with him. He was accompanied by a darker skinned one with black hair. Always following the boy. Chiding him when he fell. Bandaging up the knee with care.

I doubt that woman was his mother.

“How the hell are you not boiling under all that?” questioned the young woman next to me. Her back twitched. “I’m feeling cooked just looking at you.”

She wasn’t too off. It was sweltering. The sun beating down on everything. But I needed the layers. There was no other way to hide the arm. It would give me away. So I was stuck in the heat. Bearable compared to the cold. The snow. The ice.

“What else do you eat?” I tried warily. Working the rarely used muscle of my voice. She hadn’t yet lashed out when I spoke. Not yet.

“Uhh… well… once in a while, I’d have a proper meal at a restaurant…? But usually, it’s all the unhealthy stuff you can think of. Mostly fries and donuts. Junk food.”

“Donuts?” I repeated.

It sounded almost familiar. But what memories I could have had of it… it was easier to catch smoke.

“Diabetes in the form of a round bun with a hole in the middle? Donuts.” Her grin grew wider and wider. “I’ll bring some next time. How’s your sweet tooth, Buddy?”

I shrugged.

I never knew how to answer her questions. It felt as nice as it did frustrating when she asked. To have my opinions considered.

But I didn’t have any.

I didn’t know what I liked. I didn’t know what I wanted. I barely even knew how to make a choice.

I left it to her to make it for me. Though she left it to a coin. Flipping one before she ordered as of late.

She had taken the fish taco off the list she’d ask me. I was glad that she no longer considered that as an option. I preferred the other two. I still shrugged every time. 

The woman tossed her wrapper. It went in this time. With no fuss. She pulled out the little black device. Her eyes widened. She was on her feet in a second. “Shit. Why is this a dead zone in the middle of a bloody city? I got to go, Stranger. Donuts next time,” she spewed out. Half running away.

A calm tune started emitting from her. A device flew from her grip with a yelp. She tried to catch it. She pivoted on the ball of her foot. Caught it against her calf. Her finger slid across the surface and brought it up to her ear like I have seen others do.

“…Hello…?”

Her shoulders were tense. Her body curled into itself. Standing stock still. She was scared. She flinched away from the device. The other hand came up to rub at her ear. She stared at it with slight horror.

I could make out some soft screaming coming from the device. The words too blurred to make out.

That was unusual for her. The easy happy bounce in her step, gone.

‘What’s happening?’

She even stopped walking.

A deep breath in and she pressed the device to her ear again. “Yup. Yup. I’m listening…. He’s not budging…. He doesn’t want money. What am I supposed to do?”

Her hip jutted out to the side. Her free arm wrapped around her midsection. Irritation clear in her body language.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll try to figure something out…. ‘Kay, ‘kay. I _will_ figure something out. I still have two weeks before he leaves D.C….”

Again, she flinched away from the device. A scowl on her face. She shoved it into her back pocket and pulled out something small, inserting it into her ear.

“Eve?” she called out softly. She continued on her way out of the park. “Could you gather everything on Wegner? His work. Projects. Family. Anything. _Everything_ …. I hope it works out. I hate doing this…. Hmph. Everybody has a price…. ‘Kay, thanks.”

With that, she turned the corner. Out of sight. Voice fading out of earshot.

 

**.**

**. ** .**

**.**

 

I couldn’t believe my luck.

Three and a half weeks of waiting.

24 days.

And here she was. The target. With the boy. The very blond boy I’ve been watching the past week. Had to be her son.

Though their eyes were of different colors. Hers were green. His were blue.

With her entrance, the woman had brought five other bodies into the area. She sat down on a bench by the playground. One of the men with her opened a briefcase. Handing her papers. She wasn’t going anywhere soon.

I took the time to watch the other four men of hers. They were Hydra. She worked for Hydra. They had to be Hydra. Her bodyguards.

The information was correct. She was someone. Someone of importance to them. Someone worth protecting.

One was a trained agent. With the way he held himself. Eyed the surroundings. It was clear he was an agent… and a familiar face.

Dread winding its way into me. I wasn’t going back there. I couldn’t go back there.

Not when I was free. Finally, _free_.

But that wasn’t true. I never could _be_ truly free.

Learned that the night I came to in the abandoned bank vault. And before that, when they were abandoning it. When I only spared one of them.

They’ve done something to me. If I slip, I’d walk right back into their hands. I’d disappear again. I had to figure a way out. I needed a way to get them out of my head.

_I want to be free._

My teeth ground in frustration.

I had to stay hidden. Forced myself to stand. Every step felt like fire eating away at me.

That woman. She could have answers. That’s what the information said. It’s why I’ve been waiting in the park.

But if I was recognized… I’d be finished. This would be over.

I’d be running from the authorities. From them. _Hydra_. The target would change parks. This wouldn’t be safe for her to go to. Not if they knew I was here. Waiting. Watching.

I had to trust the information.

That she’d come back again. A third time.

The target would come back.

 She had to.

Hopefully with other men. Men that I haven’t seen before.

But that wouldn’t put me at ease. I had no way of knowing that they wouldn’t know my face. The world knew my face. Plastered in museums.

 

**.**

**. ** .**

**.**

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's first chapter. 
> 
> The Prologue's mainly there because Bucky's chapters are so choppy and broken.  
> I do hope it shows how broken his mind is. 
> 
> He'll get better. He'll get better someday. 
> 
> PS. As for unit of measurement Bucky used at the beginning of the chapter being meters, it's because I think Russia uses it, at least according to Google.
> 
> And if any Canadian spelling leaks through in Bucky's chapters, feel free to let me know. He's supposed to have American spelling. I don't think Hydra would bother messing with spelling....


	3. Bucky Barnes - Donut for Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Edited 2018 May 19)

**.**

**.**

**. ** .**

**.**

 

_A calm breath left my lips. My body completely stilled._

_The target. A couple miles away. Settled in my crosshairs._

_He had no idea. Not a clue as to what his future held. How short it actually was._

_All the target knew was the scotch. The drink he was pouring for himself._

_With familiarity, my finger squeezed the trigger. My shoulder absorbed the kicked back. My arms with ease moved onto the next target in the room. Then the next one. And the next one._

_Until the boardroom was littered with the dead._

_A little girl suddenly appeared in my scope._

_I dropped the rifle. Feeling the burn of its metal on my palm. Backing away from my sniper’s nest._

_I could see it. In the distance. I could see my work. Clear as day. Even in the night. Even with the bursts of fireworks._

_A pair of twin boys painted red. The image seared into my eyes. Their bodies never to run or jump again._

_I could almost hear the wails of their parents from where I hid._

_The back of my knees collided with something hard. It had no give. I landed on something so familiar. My heart sank into my stomach._

_Before I could get up, metal coiled around me. Held me in place. My heart pounded harder and harder. Scared of what was to come._

_I fought harder. Trying to escape. To sink into the seat._ Anything _to get away from that monster of a machine._

_I didn’t want to lose myself. It was going to take everything from me. Everybody was going to disappear… again._

_“STEVE!!!! PLEASE!!!! STEVE!!!!!!”_

_He’d save me. Like before. We’re brothers. He’s with me. ‘Til the end of the line._

_“STEEE_ VVEEE!!!!!”

My eyes shot open. My chest heaved for air.

‘I killed… I killed children? I killed _children_ …. Why did I kill them? _How_ could I kill them…?’

My heart raced harder and harder. My head spun. I couldn’t get enough air.

‘How much of it was real…?’

My right hand came up. To wipe the sweat off my face. A scream tore from my throat.

Blood.

My hand was covered in blood.

Scrambling up, I found myself soaked in blood. Splattered up the arms. My clothes. The body at my feet….

I could feel another shriek welling up inside my chest. I had to bite it back.

My legs ran. Pounded against the pavement with everything I had.

Another body to the count. Whatever that number might be.

‘What have I done…?’

Nothing around looked familiar me. I had no idea where I was. Dawn was approaching. Judging by the colors of the dark skies.

Pain shot up from the left shoulder. A gasp filled my lungs. Then the memories knocked me to my knees.

I killed that man. That now faceless man. Beat him to death with that weapon. The one that replaced my left arm. Caved his head in. Turned his face into pulp.

Why did I do that? Did he do something? Was he just the closest thing for me to unleash whatever hell was within me?

I could almost choke on my own horrors. I did.

‘What the hell am I…?’

 

**.**

**. ** .**

**.**

 

“I swear I’m going to be a bloody ball with how many donuts I’ve eaten waiting for you. 36. _36 fucking donuts_ in the span of a week.” The young woman’s toothy grin helped ease my nerves. “Now sit your ass down, Buddy, and eat.”

Before I knew what I was doing, I was seated on the bench. Chewing on the sweetest thing I’d ever stuck in my mouth.

“Okay, okay. Stop already. I was joking. Spit that out. No point forcing yourself to eat that. Here.” She held out a napkin to me. “I know how sweet that one is.”

I took the offered napkin. Spitting out what was left in my mouth as ordered. Staring at her in confusion. Whatever it was, it still coated my mouth.

“It’s my favorite?” she offered with a shrug.

Then she pointed at another treat in the box between us. This one had a dark coating on the top.

“Boston Cream. There’s a filling to this one. But it’s less sweet? Favorite of a more sensible friend of mine. Or you could give the Strawberry Jelly a shot. Sweeter but not like the Honey Dip. It’s a mess to eat. Probably cover that beard of yours in powdered sugar. But it’s so _good_. Oh, there’s the old fashion. So I guess that’d be the regular flavor? I don’t know. Plain’s too boring for me. Got real tired of eating that one…. Take your pick.”

I shrugged.

There were too many choices.

Four left, being that one of the six was scrunched up in the napkin in my hand and another was the exact same thing.

The last she left unexplained. The one with corners. Many corners.

She sighed heavily. But smiled anyways. “Let’s go old fashion?”

I took the ring from her. Munching on it. It was still sweet. Though not so strong.

It was almost familiar to me. But again, it was easier to grasp smoke. Nothing to hang onto. It merely slipped out between my fingers before I could do a thing.

“What were you up to? You look absolutely exhausted, Buddy,” she asked after a while. Her voice soft. Her words spoken carefully. “You even found a change of clothes. Still wearing a suffocating looking jacket.”

I shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

A dull pain stabbed at my head. Guilt twisted in my gut.

“‘Kay….” She dropped the conversation. In favor of the sickly sweet treat. Munching on it. “…I don’t think I want to see another donut for the next couple of years….” And yet she continued to eat the thing.

“Sorry…” I whispered.

“Eh, don’t worry about it.” A dismissive wave of her hand. “I can be stubborn. Hoped you’d show up again.”

I stared at her. Unable to comprehend. I understood the words. But it made no sense.

‘Why wait for me?’

“First friend I’ve managed to make in D.C.” A shrug. She sat back on the bench. Sending me a soft smile.

She considered me as a… friend?

The concept was so foreign to me. I couldn’t comprehend any of it. Any of her reasoning. What were friends? I had been the best friend of St…. That’s what the exhibit said.

‘What does that mean?’

_Friend._

“Now that I think about it, it’s always been work whenever I dropped into this city….” A thoughtful pout. A carefree shrug. A glance my way. A light laugh. A shake of her head. “I don’t live here.” Answering my unvoiced question.

A small sinking feeling of fear built up inside me.

She could disappear one day. Like my memories.

I’d remember this time. But she wouldn’t be there.

I should have never let her in.

“How…? How long…?” I found myself asking.

Then again, I wouldn’t be in the city much longer than another month or two if things go well.

“Before I leave? Deadline’s in about a week…? But got nothing lined up afterwards. Free to do whatever I may until the next thing that pops up.” Another glance my way. Another shrug. Her hand motioned towards the food truck. “I’ve got no clue how I’m going to leave this behind. I’m addicted to their sandwiches. _So_ , Buddy, beef or pork?”

As usual, I shrugged. Our routine fell back into place. She was up walking to the food truck. Flipping a coin.

It gave me time to ponder. Trying to forget how I had broken into someone’s home. To use their bathroom. To clean the blood off me. To steal their clothing.

The little blond boy wasn’t here today. I doubt he was coming. It was already four. According to the clock by the playground. There were a couple days in a week where he never showed up. Today must have been one of those days.

The young woman plopped down on her end of the bench. A sandwich held out to me.

Pork today. I could easily smell the sauce.

As the routine dictated, I nodded my head when I took the food from her. Then came the struggle of unwrapping the darn paper.

The mechanical arm was half useless. How I managed to kill a man with it. It was beyond me….

“You’d tell me before you leave, right?” she asked out of the blue. “When you’ve finished waiting.”

Again, I didn’t know how to reply.

She frowned and sighed heavily. “If I leave first, I’ll tell you. If you leave first, you’ll tell me. Deal?”

I had to think about it. This wasn’t something I could just shrug to. Or shrug off.

She considered me a friend.

If I took the deal, I wouldn’t be sitting here one day waiting for her. Not knowing that she was gone.

As she had done for me.

I nodded in agreement.

I could do this. When I found what I was looking for, I could come back. For a day. To end things properly.

I had the choice.

She grinned happily. Dug into her sandwich with vigor. After some bites, she glanced my way again. “By the way, you’re helping with the last three donuts. I don’t think my sanity can handle forty donuts.”

I nodded. Eyeing the spiky one.

“Uhh… not that one. That’s a Honey Cruller…. You won’t like it. There are days where even I find that too sweet…. I’ll be eating that one… _again_ ….”

 

**.**

**. ** .**

**.**

 

“Beef or pork!?!” yelled the usually calming voice I was growing used to. Coming from the west.

The young woman quickly raced past the bench. She didn’t even pause when she glanced my way. Flashing a toothy grin.

The once gentle curves of her dark locks were unrecognizable. Half of it was twisted up to sit on her head somehow. The rest bounced with each purposeful step. The ends curled into coiled springs. It looked out of place compared to usual.

There wasn’t even a flip of a coin. She ordered. Then spiraled into mad pacing. Her thumbs tapping away on the black device.

Today was her deadline. Part of me was surprised that she turned up at the park. Especially so late in the day.

“Here!”

Glad that I had reflexes and full control of my flesh arm, I caught the flying sandwich she sent at my face.

A smile broke on her face. A happy chuckle. “As if I would miss this for the world.”

“How much time do you have?” I enquired.

“Eleven minutes left,” she mumbled through a mouthful of sandwich.

“You’re not going to finish in time.”

“If I finish this, I wouldn’t fit in my stupid dress.”

I couldn’t imagine it. All I saw were large T-shirts and very short shorts. What she always wore. What she was wearing now.

“Got a fucking ball to attend tonight.”

The usual silence between us was disturbed. A constant patter. Caused by her leg insistently bouncing up a storm. And as always, I was finished before she was.

I had to wonder if she was really only here for the sandwich. It wasn’t too hard to believe.

“Miss Ayers!” Six bodies were making their way through the park. “There you are!”

“Oh, _hell_ no!” the young woman next to me cried. Quickly swallowing her food. “You said I had half an hour!” She got on her feet. Her left eye blinked at me. A cheeky grin on her lips. “Wish me luck tonight.”

“Good luck,” the words automatically pulled from my own lips.

She turned away from the incoming group. Ran while trying shove half the sandwich down her throat.

“Miss Ayers!!! Get back here!!!” They easily descended upon the young woman. Surrounding her.

There was an indignant cry from her. “I wasn’t finished eating that!” She tried to snatch back the food. Only to watch it end up in the garbage. Her face was twisted in half a scowl.

Another person gripped her jaw to face them, wiping a white clothing across her face before going the same with a brush across her face. As a group with her at the center of the mess fussed over her, they were leaving the park. Albeit slow.

“You need to sign these papers,” another told her. Handing a pen and clipboard to her. The man glared at me as they passed by.

My body tensed uncomfortably. It reminded me of something. Something at the edges of my memories.

The feeling of being dragged away. The feeling of being forcibly moved. The feeling of being surrounded.

Managing to twist away from the brush, the young woman faced me. “I’ll see you in a couple of da –!” Her jaw was recaptured. This time a smaller brush attacked her lips. Her arms steadied themselves on a pair of shoulders. The pen in her hand scribbled across a page. “Ack!”

“Hold still!” ordered the woman who held a sparkling necklace around the young woman’s neck. Trying to clip it in place. Strangling the young woman instead.

“Not happening with all – Ack! This pushing!” There were a couple of them. Herding her to the destination. A limousine at the edge of the park.

“Stop moving your lips!” barked the one with the brushes.

“Can’t we do this in the car?”

“You’ve wasted too much time, Miss Ayers. You know how important tonight is.” With that said, she was stuffed into the black vehicle.

 

**.**

**. ** .**

**.**

 

She was back.

The target was back.

_Alone._

Alone with the little blond boy.

No men around her. Nobody guarding her. It was just her and the boy.

It didn’t make any sense.

Checking the park for the tenth time, I was sure. Only the two of them here.

There were a couple of others at the park. None of them seemed to be Hydra’s men. Hoped none of them were.

The target hadn’t spotted me. So I slunk into the shadows. Between the bushes. The trees behind the bench. Watching. Waiting. In the shadows.

‘What do I want to do now?’

Should I grab her? Should I watch her? Should I follow her?

How do I get the information about what they did to me from her? Torture? Did I want to torture her?

Was that who I am now?

Was I to kill her after I was finished?

And what of the little boy?

Pain ripped through my head. The decisions. I couldn’t handle it. I don’t remember how to make them. What was I supposed to do? Nobody was there to tell me.

And I couldn’t shrug this off.

Clenching fists did nothing to help. Though it did distract me from what I needed to do. To make a decision. The damage in the metal arm sent shocks into my body from use.

Then a thought.

One that drifted through my hazy mind.

A leaf.

I could toss it like a coin. It could decide for me.

Face up, I take her now.

Face down, I follow her until I understood more.

It was beautiful. Watching the green leaf twist, flip and sway its way to the grass below.

Face down.

The dull thumping in my head calmed down.

I knew what I was to do. I had a direction again.

I didn’t have to wait long in the park.

The boy had fallen off the slide. Scraped his knee on the wood chips. The target gathered up the little blond boy. Said a couple of words for the tears to morph into sniffles.

Hand in hand, they left the park.

There was no car waiting for them. I had the chance to follow them with ease. Keeping to the shadows of the houses. Leaping over fences and shrubbery to stay out of sight. For the most part.

I couldn’t believe how close she was to the park. Three blocks away. A mere three blocks away.

A big house with an attached garage. A large black S.U.V. parked in the driveway. It was like any other house on the street. It blended right in.

A shadow moved behind the white curtains. Someone else was in the house. Male judging by the size. The way he moved. The sway in the shoulders instead of the hips.

He opened the front door. Greeting the pair. A blue eyed blond. Same as the little boy he picked up. With a kiss on the target’s lips, the man closed the front door.

One final sweep of the neighborhood. I logged the target’s house number and location into my mind. Before returning to the shelter for the night.

I found what I was waiting for.

It wouldn’t be long. Not long before I got what I truly wanted.

I’d have to tell that young woman farewell tomorrow. I wonder how she’d take it.

 

**.**

**. ** .**

**.**

 

My lips twisted into a frown.

The sun had set couple _hours_ ago. The food truck had long packed up and left. There was nobody in the park now.

That young woman never showed up.

She said she’d be here. I believed her words. Her eyes.

She’d be here.

But she wasn’t.

I couldn’t even understand why.

Why was I still sitting here? On the bench. Waiting.

Unease twisting itself in my gut. She should’ve been here.

She’d never miss that pulled pork sandwich.

In the past month, she’d never missed it. She’d run until she was out of breath. Just for it.

A yell echoed through the park. A scream cut off into muffles.

My heart raced. My body shot onto its feet. My eyes trained on the east entrance. I leaned away from it. Ready to dive into the bushes.

Had _they_ found me?

“Why the fuck are you taking me here!? Eve!?!”

I knew that voice! It was the young woman’s voice. I could hear the fear. The fear hidden under the obvious frustration.

“I can’t _believe_ this is fucking happening again!”

She came flying over the low wall. Tucking into a ball at the height of her jump. Her body plummeted like a stone. Pressed against the bricks of the half wall. She scooted herself along it. Towards the direction she came from. Away from me.

That was until those wild gray eyes locked onto me. Her brow furrowed and one rose up. Her shoulders heaving with each breath. Each breath her body demanded.

Her eyes looked up. Trying to peer over the wall behind her. From her position, she couldn’t. No one could. Not without the help of reflections.

Her arm waved wildly. As if motioning for me to get into the bushes. She focused on me again. No way for her to know –

_Beep_.

“Behind you!!!” I yelled at her.

“Fuck!” She dove into a summersault. Braided hair barely escaping the man’s grasp. “Damn phone!!”

She didn’t look back. Only bolted once her feet were under her. It wasn’t a full out sprint. Legs bouncing for distance. Keeping light on her feet.

“Don’t make this difficult on yourself,” laughed a man. The one who tried to grab her.

Three more showed up from around the corner. All of them walked with ease. In no rush to go after her. Blocking the eastern entrance.

“What do you mean there’s a second team!?!” the young woman cried. Racing across the fountain.

“Who told her that!? Never mind that. Checkmate, bitch.”

“Why the fuck did you lead me to a checkmate!?!” She skidded to a stop. “Good luck!? What so you mean _good luck!?!_ The fuck you go!?! Damn it!!! Bloody dead zone!!” Her chested heaved a frustrated huff. Eyeing her surroundings.

A group of four men blocked the western entrance. The original group of four were at her heels. All were masked. All wore black. These were clearly _not_ her men.

“I suggest you cooperate.”

“‘Kay, ‘kay.” She raised her hands. Her lungs still trying to catch her breath. Otherwise, she was calm. “I give. I give.”

“Good choice.” The speaker, with a jerk of his head, motioned for one of his men to move.

The largest man. One much larger than myself. Taller. Bulkier. He stalked up to the much smaller woman.

It would have been amusing. Their size difference. In a different situation, yes. Not this one. Not with a cloth bag in his hands. Not with their masks. Not like this.

The young woman backed up a half step. Nose wrinkling in distaste. “Please tell me that’s clean.”

“Shut up, bitch,” the large man spat.

“Oi, not nice. I’m cooperating, ain’t I?”

The questioning tilt of her head camouflaged the movement of her shoulders. Her knee snapped up. Her foot shot out at the man’s groin. With a howl of pain, came chaos.

“ _RUN_!!!” she screamed at me. Arm waving wildly.

She sprinted straight at me. It was the only sensible direction she could go. But she didn’t make it very far.

They were stronger. They were faster. They greatly outnumbered her.

Eight to one.

One tackled into her side. Right into the dirt. The one with the bag.

She fought back wildly. Kicking out with all the ferocity she had in her little frame. But there was nothing she could do against the giant man.

He caught her leg.

A wounded screech split the air before it faded to a vicious snarl. Another cry of pain and blood stained the air.

“You little _bitch_!!! You’re going to regret that!!!”

A blade was brandished in the night.

I snapped into action. Broke a wrist. The one that held the tactical knife. Before it found a new sheath. In the young woman’s back.

Catch the knife. Cut to the jugular. Target incapacitated.

The clean knife fell from the metal fingers. The pain too much. The pounding in my head. The electricity running rampant from the mechanical arm.

‘No more killing…. Don’t want to kill….’

My foot sailed right at the man’s head. He flew. Too much strength.

‘ _Shit_.’

Punch to the chest. Ribs break. Puncture organs. Target incapacitated.

My fist found another man. The side of his head instead. Hope I held back enough. Held back too much.

_Apparently_.

The man still stood. Confused. But he still stood. Barely even budged.

My fist collided with his chin. He fell back with a thud. Kicking up dust. He no longer moved.

Target incapacitated.

I hauled the young woman onto her feet. Being on the ground would limit her escape. “Go.”

A push towards the bushes. An opening. A fast closing one.

The men descended.

A blade cut into my sleeve. Scraped against the metal plates of the semi useless arm.

Reflexes kicked in. Punched the attacker. Landed on his side. He too flew. Farther than the first.

Three targets incapacitated.

Panic rose. Suffocating. Couldn’t breathe. It only got worse. Muscles only coiled tighter. To hide. To fight. Ready to explode in pure reactive power. Power that wasn’t mine.

I was going to kill someone…. If I haven’t already.

An arm snaked around my throat. Opening my stance. Pressing my back into a body. Choking me.

Break the arm. Sweep the legs. Break the skull. Target incapacitated.

Blood splattered onto my face. I backed away. Away from the young woman. The one dragging the once fallen knife down the forearm. The one wrapped around my neck.

A screech blared at my sensitive ears. Too much. Too loud.

Her hands gave my chest a shove. It wasn’t strong enough. Not enough to budge me. But the blood sprayed out of that mouth of hers. That did.

A man yelled about his eyes. Somewhere over my shoulder. The lump of flesh she spat out told of the knife’s owner. The story that he was missing a chunk of his arm. A chunk she bit off in their struggle.

My forearm found the side of a neck. The neck of the now blinded man.

Four targets incapacitated.

These men were simple to deal with.

No match for the Winter Soldier.

But I didn’t want to be that. The Asset.

No more killing.

But it was hard. Harder to keep them alive than to kill.

A sharp pain sliced across my chest. Three at once. Made trickier with a barely functional arm.

Seven targets incapacitated.

The last one found himself in my choke hold.

Crush the throat. Target incapacitated.

The light was fast fading from those eyes.

Punch to the face. Break the skull. Target incapacitated.

Hands clawed at my arm.

Cut off the oxygen supply. Wait. Target incapacitated.

“Hey, Buddy, let go,” the young woman ordered. Voice scratchy but somehow still soft in tone.

I quickly released the man.

Backed away. Tripped over a hopefully unconscious body. I tried to slow my racing heart. But it only pounded harder at the crackle. The crackle of electricity snapping through the air.

The young woman stood over the bodies. Completely favoring her right leg.

The left was injured. The one who caught her. The one she bit. The one who pulled too hard on her foot.

Her hand fell to her side. Taser clutched between her bloodied fingers.

“Bastards be glad the fucking bear mace is at the bloody hotel,” she sneered with a huff.

 

**.**

**. ** .**

**.**

**.**

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a lot of fun with the last bit. Hopefully it's as confusing to read as Bucky feels. 
> 
> I do believe this is the last chapter I'm posting up today. 
> 
> (I really don't mean to leave it like this. Chapter Three (four...) is still being edited. Must go over it a few times and make it choppier.)


	4. Bucky Barnes - Perfectly Toasted Toast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Previously:**
> 
> _These men were simple to deal with. No match for the Winter Soldier. But I didn’t want to be that. The Asset. No more killing. But it was hard. Harder to keep them alive than to kill._
> 
> _A sharp pain sliced across my chest. Three at once. Made trickier with a barely listening arm._
> 
> _Seven targets incapacitated._
> 
> _The last one found himself in my choke hold._
> 
> _Crush the throat. Target incapacitated._
> 
> _The light was fast fading from those eyes._
> 
> _Punch to the face. Break the skull. Target incapacitated._
> 
> _Hands clawed at my arm._
> 
> _Cut off the oxygen supply. Wait. Target incapacitated._
> 
> _“Hey, Buddy, let go,” the young woman ordered. Voice scratchy but somehow still soft._
> 
> _I quickly released the man. Backed away. Tripped over a hopefully unconscious body. I tried to slow my racing heart. But it only pounded harder at the crackle. The crackle of electricity snapping through the air._
> 
> _The young woman stood over the bodies. Completely favoring her right leg. The left was injured. The one who caught her. The one she bit. The one who pulled too hard on her foot. Her hand fell to her side. Taser clutched by her bloodied fingers._
> 
> _“Bastards be glad the fucking bear mace is at the bloody hotel,” she sneered with a huff._

 

******

 

Her body dropped. Right onto one of the men she had tasered. Her face skewed in pain. “ _You_ ,” she gritted out. Trying to mask a scream. It came out a whimper. “You alright, Bud – Oh god! Shit! You need a fucking hospital!” She pulled out the little black device, tapping on the silver side.

“No!” I cried out. “I… I _can’t_ ….”

“I don’t even have a bloody signal to call them anyways…. There’s probably more of those damn fuckers around.” Her uninjured foot kicked out at one of the unconscious men. Her expression was caught between pain and irritation. “I need to get a hold of Eve.” She tried to get up. Failed. Hissing in pain. Clutching her leg. Rolling over. Defeated.

One look at her ankle and I knew. She wouldn’t be able to walk a step. An ankle shouldn’t be bent that way. “Bite down on something.”

“Wha?” Confusion peered through her winces. Arms pushing herself up. So she could stare at me in question.

I leaned forth. Grabbed her heel. Yanked hard. A pop. Her body rocked back. Curling into a ball. Her fist flew to her mouth. Screaming around it. The fist did a poor job to muffle her.

Huffing, she shot me a scathing glare. “Some fucking warning would’ve been nice.”

“I did,” I stated. It wasn’t much. But it was something. I scanned the shadows for more men. We were sitting ducks. Here out in the open. Then there was the pile of bodies. I had to clean this mess. Or the target might move.

“Oh put that guy down.” The young woman turning onto her front. Crawling towards the spot the food truck was usually parked. Her back to me. Unguarded. She saw what I could do. But she still stayed unwisely unguarded. “You’re in no shape to be hauling bodies, Buddy.”

“I can’t… I can’t…” I tried to form some sentence. Something coherent that wouldn’t have her calling the cops on me. I needed to stay hidden. Which meant this never happened. These bodies needed to disappear. The target. I finally found her. I needed this to go away.

“Yay, signal’s back.”

My stomach dropped. I needed to say something. Fast. Anything. To stop her. “Please don’t… I…I – ”

“Oh yeah… got that fucking message….” She tapped at the glowing device. “A voice message? Who the hell uses voice message nowadays?”

“ _Val, I do hope you managed to get away from them._ ” A female voice emanated from that little device in her hand. “ _I really do. If you did, there’s a message for you under your usual spot. You have a narrow window. There’s more of them._ Hurry _. They’re everywhere._ ”

The young woman looked up. Stared right at me. Easy enough to understand the words in those pale eyes. I turned to the bench. Checked the underside. Right under where she always sat. There was another device taped under it. Not making much sense of it, I tossed it to her.

With a click and two beeps, that same voice began speaking. “ _Go west. Avoid cars. Get to the safe house._ ”

At those words, I dropped the body of the unconscious man. He was still breathing. Not dead. I walked up to the young woman. She didn’t even notice. Muttering something about losing the signal again. Arms waving the first device about. Her head snapped up when I grabbed her. Grey eyes widened in confusion. Less fear than I had expected. I didn’t give her much time to react. Just slung her over my good shoulder.

She yelped. Head bouncing off my back. “What are you – ?!” A groan of pain killed her struggling.

Ready to exit the park via the western entrance, I paused. “The bodies….” They were just lying there. Hopefully most of them were merely unconscious. But I couldn’t leave them here.

“Eve will take care of it. Can’t have it getting out there was another kidnapping…. Shit, there’s no sun. Umm… Do you know way is north? We’re supposed to be heading north…?”

“The message said west.”

“Well yeah, but we can’t just leave blatant messages to our safe houses. It’s north. We need to go north.”

With a frown, I headed around the fountain to use the northern entrance. I could feel her breathing erratically. Worsening with every passing second. Panic. Fear. Agony. My need to get out of the open quelled much of my own pains and worries. The slash across my chest. It hurt. But it wasn’t life threatening. At least not to me.

A mix of caution and paranoia kept me in the shadows. An eye always on our surroundings. Searching for any movement. Most of it were in houses. Beyond thin curtains.

“ _At the red house, go south. 8341._ ”

“Quiet,” I hushed her. Pushing us against a hedge. Movement up ahead. Another team of four rushed past us. In a car.

I could feel her trying to track them. Only after they disappeared from sight did she whisper, “Pretty sure this is the red house?”

I glanced at the building and frowned. “It’s green,” I hissed back. It’s green. Even in the night. It was clearly _green_.

“Just go east from here, Buddy. House number 7038.”

With a sigh, I went on the move again. There was nobody else in our path. And then there it was. A house with the numbers 7038. Nailed onto the wall.

I froze at the curb. The light turned. The door swung open. I was about ready to book it down the street. But there was nobody. Just an empty doorway. Into a lit foyer. Unease filled my gut.

“Get inside, Buddy. Before they find us.”

My legs listened to the order. I wanted to fight against it. Far too many alarms were blaring in my head. Once inside, I couldn’t help the flinch. The door shut behind me. All on its own. Nobody was hidden by the door. We were alone.

“It’s okay, Buddy. It’s just Eve.”

‘Who the hell is this _Eve_?’ A ghost? An actual ghost? Who’d taken to haunting little devices? I couldn’t hear anyone else in the house. No footsteps. Just our own breathing. It really was only the two of us in this house.

A pop hit my ears. Then something moved in the metal arm. I couldn’t feel what it was. But the force was enough to register on the plates. My flinch coupled with her own sent her head into the door.

The young woman groaned in agony. Clutching her head. “What was that?”

“Nothing.” She couldn’t find out about the arm. It would give me away. It would cause too many questions. And, a part of me just didn’t want her to know. I could only hope that it wasn’t damaged more. It was enough of a nuisance as it was.

“…‘Kay? Umm… Upstairs, master bathroom. There should be a first aid kit under the sink?”

Wordlessly, I made my way up the steps. Dropped her on the large bed. Leaving her to yell her string of colorful words. In the bathroom under the sink, there was a kit. As she said.

“ _I’m glad the man in the park decided to help out after all,_ ” that voice spoke. It came from all over the house. Was she haunting this house? She knew of me. Did she know who I was? “ _Before you run, if you want that tracker in that arm of yours out, you’ll stay._ ”

“Tracker?” I repeated. Barely finding my voice. Fear found its way through my veins. They could find me.

“ _You didn’t think you’ve managed to escape them so easily, have you? The jammer I had placed in your arm. It was deactivated the moment you stepped in here. I got something better set up here that’ll block the signal, but the second you leave this house, they’ll find you._ ”

“…Was that why there’s no signal on my phone?” the young woman questioned. Half hopping. Half hobbling. Half swearing her way across the room. To stand in front of a large black screen. “Eve, mind pulling up a video of how to stitch a wound?”

She cringed away from the bright light of the screen. She sent a smile my way. Her head tilting towards the arm chair near her. “Come sit. Off with the jacket and shirt. Let’s see what we can do about that bloody mess you got going on.”

Her attention turned back to the screen. Filled with an artificial cut flesh and a pair of gloved hands. A voice spoke. Coming from behind the screen. A male one. With instructions of how to suture.

I hated myself for siting down. I wanted to run. Not pull off my jacket to reveal the arm. Or my shirt to show the mess of scars and burns. The marred skin where the metal fused to my flesh.

The young woman half watched the video. Rifling through the first aid kit. Pulling out a pile of shirts from the dresser. She poured a good portion of the isopropyl alcohol on her hands, a needle and thread. The liquid soaked into the shirts.

“Where the fuck did the hydrogen peroxide go? Eve? It’s not in here.”

“ _Sparks may have used it up…_ ” stated the now eerie voice. The hairs on the back of my neck stood. Even a shiver found its way up my spine.

With a wince, the young woman turned to me. “This is going to burn. Sorry.” She splashed some of the liquid on the cut across my chest. Using a shirt to catch it all.

Clenching my fists down on the armrests, I tried to block out the pain. Keep myself from sending a fist into her face. I concentrated on the room. Searching for the source of the voice. Speakers lined the corners of the ceiling.

As if reading my mind, she said, “Don’t worry about Eve. She’s harm – hmmm… she’s very helpful?” She went back to the screen. Watching the video that played on a loop. With a nod, she attempted the first stitch. Trying to work through her shaking hands. Then checking the screen for how to tie a knot. “I’m so sorry you got caught up in this mess. Buddy. I’m so sorry.”

She broke down into blabbering apologies. Her words blending into each other. Turning incoherent. But she trudged on. Each stitch she made was faster than the last. But as more time passed, the more snarls of frustration escaped her. The harder her hands shook. She tried to steady them against me. Resting softly against my skin. It worked long enough to push the needle through each time. Somehow this was gentler than treatments I do remember. Given the inexperience and all.

The blood slicked scissors slipped from her fingers. I managed to catch it this time. Before it dropped onto one of us. Sparing her shaking hands, I snipped the last thread. With a grateful smile, she collapsed. Onto the floor. With a resounding _thud_. Out cold.

“ _Would be great if you tossed her onto a bed, Mr. Barnes._ ”

“You know me….” Not good. Opposite of good. Extremely bad. This Eve knew too much. Panic choked my breathing. I quickly grabbed my shirt. Tenderly pulling it over my head. Careful not to rip the stitches. I wanted nothing more than to run for it. But the tracker. They’d find me. I was stuck.

Then there was the young woman. Lying there on her side. Hands covered in blood. My blood. The blood on her chin was already caking. The blood of the giant she bit. It was far from a pleasant sight. Rather nightmarish.

“ _…I honestly have no idea if she knows. I wouldn’t be surprised if she does. Then again the girl can be a little slow at times._ Real _slow… and the beard hides quite a bit._ ”

“Are you a ghost?”

Laughter rumbled through the house. “ _That would be so much fun. The things I would do as a ghost. But sadly, no, I’m not. Or maybe I am, just a tiny bit. But you can just think of me as an A.I. of sorts. I take care of the Ayers family._ ”

‘What’s an A.I?’ It was something that the young woman relied on. To get her through this night. “The cops…” I started. Before losing my words.

“ _Not going to call them. Val wouldn’t either. Neither of us want to involve them. Would be bad press. Besides, calling the cops on you, that’s no proper way to thank you, Mr. Barnes._ ”

‘Just who the hell are these people?’ It’s only gotten more confusing. Ever since the young woman showed up with fancy hair. Normalcy was thrown straight out the window. Should have known. No one would interact with me. Not without ulterior motives.

“ _As for that arm of yours, I suspect that it’s been damaged?_ ”

I gave a small nod. Willing myself not to book it through the ridiculously large window behind me. Being trapped was the last thing I wanted. But here I was. The bit freedom I thought I earned… it wasn’t even of my own making. I didn’t even realize a thing. Until it was too late.

“ _It’ll take some time to gather everything, but I will have the tracker removed and whatever it is that needs repairs fixed. In the meanwhile, please stay in the house. You’re safe in here within about three feet of distance from the doors. Would be best if the neighbors never spotted you, but feel free to make yourself at home._ ”

With a heavy sigh, I had to accept the situation. This or Hydra. For now, Hydra’s the one I want nothing to do with. I knew that much. I just hoped I wasn’t trading one handler for another.

I stepped to the young woman. Hauling her onto the large bed. “Is there ice here?”

“ _Please follow the lights, Mr. Barnes._ ” The hallway lights dimmed. Except the one just outside of the room door. When I walked up to it, the next one grew brighter. The one I was under dimmed. Once I was in the kitchen, the freezer opened.

A shiver raced up my spine. It was all unsettling. This house had to be haunted. Eve was a ghost. A.I. had to be another word for ghost. Warily, I reached inside the cold. Grabbed the tray of ice and the roll of paper towels. It was unsettling, this house.

“Why me?” I couldn’t help but ask. My voice barely worked.

Silence hung in the air. I made my way back to the master bedroom. Knelt on the floor with the kit. Pulled off the young woman’s sandal. Wrapped her swollen ankle with the ice.

Next was to clean off some of the blood. Wiped down her hands and face. Poured some water into her mouth. Being mindful not to drown her. Before turning her head to have it spill out onto a paper towel.

“ _I couldn’t save her,_ ” whispered the A.I. ghost. Sounding so small. None of the grandness of when she first spoke. A voice that filled the house. This admission though. It only came from one speaker. The one closest to me “ _All the scenarios I ran, I couldn’t save her. Val was still taken. There was no move I could make to change that outcome._

“ _But then you were able to surprise me…. With how wired the world is, that rarely happens. At least not in this sense…. And I was so desperate…. So I led you to Fuller, who is an actual high ranking member of Hydra. I wouldn’t waste your time like that, Mr. Barnes. You’re a variable I couldn’t completely predict. I could only hope you were around when it happened, and that you’d help her. Even surprised me when nobody died tonight._ ”

‘I didn’t kill them.’

It was an utter relief.

To know that there wasn’t more blood on my hands. They’re alive.

But then…. Why would _anybody_ count on me to save another? Why would anybody trust me? Why would anybody believe in me?

I was a weapon.

Weapons kill.

“ _Thank you, Mr. Barnes, for saving Valeriy_.”

 

******

 

“ _Good morning, Mr. Barnes._ ”

The A.I. ghost had been silent. For most of the night. She stayed wordless through dawn. Even a good portion of the morning. That was until my stomach grumbled.

I could only clench my jaw in frustration. Trading people watching my every move for a ghost. Who was likely doing the same. A ghost who knew far too much.

For the first time in hours, I moved. Turning away from the window. But staying in the safe corner. Out of sight from the outside world. There hadn’t been any movements in the darkness. Only neighbors going about their morning routines.

I couldn’t sleep. Too much of a risk. What if I ended up killing the young woman I tried to save?

“ _I haven’t figured out how to cook in this house. I’ll need your hands if you want some breakfast._ ”

In a haze, I found myself in the bathroom. Avoiding my reflection. Cleaning up automatically. Quick and efficient. They were never patient. Take too long and there’d be a hose.

The fridge was open by the time I entered the kitchen. There wasn’t much in it. Except for bottles. Mostly sauces. A dizzying array. And alcohol too. Balanced precariously between bottles was bread. A full loaf.

A creak sounded from behind the fridge door. Reflexively, I peered around. Prepared for anything. Another appliance door was now open. Something that looked like a miniature oven. “ _How would you like your toast, Mr. Barnes?_ ”

Cautiously, I partially threw three slices inside. Afraid. I dare not touch it. And when I stepped back. It closed. All on its own.

“ _Oh relax. I’m not going to close it on you. I’m not that careless. Though I must admit my people forgot to restock the fridge in their rush. I’ll have more food delivered. If there is anything you’d like, please let me know. Unless it’s something that melts. Makes keeping you two hidden a little difficult._ ”

Her chuckles echoed through the house.

“ _No. There won’t be any visitors._ ”

‘How did she – ?! Are she in my head!?!’

“ _The goal is to keep the two of you completely off anybody’s radar. That includes my own people. The only ones who know you’re here is Val and myself. I can’t risk any careless leaks._ ”

“You’ve done this before.” At least one of them had gone south from a leak.

“ _The Ayers keep me busy. Privacy is a top priority._ ”

“The kidnapping. Last night. She mentioned… about it happening again.”

“ _And it won’t be the last. Oops. I do believe I’ve spoken too much on this matter. You should talk to Val if you want answers. Though I doubt she knows anything. Your toast is ready, Mr. Barnes. There’s butter and jam in the fridge._ ” With those words, the miniature oven appliance door, the fridge door and a drawer from the counter opened.

‘This house is haunted.’ Instead of running, I grabbed a knife and the strawberry jam. Had to move quickly. Still couldn’t trust her not to slam the door on me. “…How does she like her toast?”

The bread slices were toasted to a golden brown. Not a single char.

“ _Soaked in an unhealthy amount of butter with a side of ketchup…. She’s not going to eat._ ”

I knew it wasn’t one of those sandwiches.

“ _Nothing to do with you making the toast. She loves butter. Even caught her eating a stick of it as a kid. She’d eat that. But she’s not going to eat today_.”

Something was off. There was also the fact that the young woman hadn’t moved. I didn’t hear a thing through the night.

“If she starves to death, you’re not going to help me.”

“ _Depends on how I’m feeling. Not going to throw you to the wolves if you’re worried about that. But you’re correct, Mr. Barnes. I wouldn’t have much of a reason to do a thing for you if Val winds up dead. There’s apple juice in the pantry._ ”

A nearby door opened.

“ _It’s the little boxes with a picture of an apple. They came after your time…. I also doubt those bastards would be handing you juice boxes of all things. I’ll have water delivered tomorrow as well. My people took it all… and alcohol isn’t exactly the most hydrating choice._ ”

I shifted uneasily and grabbed a couple of the boxes. This A.I. ghost was grating on my nerves. A deep breath barely helped my instincts. I just wanted to race out of the house. Never look back. But deep inside, I knew. Hydra would have a leash around my neck.

“Am I…?”

“ _You’re safe here, Mr. Barnes. Definitely safer than having you wander about. I have much at my disposal. Keeping you off the radar does not conflict with any of my commands._ ”

The young woman wasn’t where I left her. Not on the bed. The blanket was a crumpled pile at the foot. She was nowhere in the master bedroom.

‘Was she taken?’

“ _She’s… She’s in the closet._ ” The A.I. ghost had to be in my head.

The door was opened. Just a crack. The light inside was barely lit. A soft muttering drifted out when I was close enough.

Cautiously, I pushed open the closest with a foot. There wasn’t much she could do to me. But there was a lot I could do. And she’d end up dead.

It wasn’t obvious immediately. Where she was. Tucked up behind a bunch of hung shirts. A curled up ball. Rocking back and forth. Mumbling something I couldn’t understand. She didn’t even react to the change in her environment.

“Hey,” I called out. Trying not to scare her.

She had no reaction. Not even a pause or a flinch. I moved the shirts out of the way. Waved a hand in front of her face. Again, nothing.

“ _Just leave her be. She’ll come to eventually._ ”

I could only stare out the doorway. Searching for my words. Wondering if I should say them.

But the A.I. ghost spoke up again. “ _She gets a bit catatonic over certain things. She’ll be fine…. I wouldn’t try to move her. She’s bitten a couple people in this state._ ”

“…” After last night, I wouldn’t doubt it. Nor would I want to have my remaining limbs anywhere near her teeth.

Kneeling, I placed the plates between us. Munching on my strawberry jam covered toast. Part of me hoped that she’d snap out of it on her own. She’d exhaust herself at this rate.

My head hurt. Too many things rattling up in there. All the information. The paranoia. I was still being used. Oddly enough, I wasn’t a tool of death here.

The A.I. ghost wasn’t helping. And who was this young woman in front of me?

 

******

 

_“Mission report.”_

_“Your target, level 8. Do what you have to. I want confirmed death in 24 hours.”_

_“Mission report.”_

“Stop.”

_“The timetable has moved. Our window is limited. Two targets, level 6. They already cost me Zola. I want confirmed death in 10 hou – ”_

_“Mission report.”_

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”

_“Mission report. Now.”_

“ _Mr. Barnes. You’re –_ ”

_“I have a mission for you. Sanction and extract. No witnesses.”_

“ _Mr. Barnes! You’re not – !_ ”

“SHUT UP!!!” I screamed. Clutching my head. Trying to block out the voices with my hands. Even if they were inside my head.

“ _Honestly, Mr. Barnes._ ” Maybe not all of them were in my head. There was the A.I. ghost. “ _You need sleep. It’s been three days. Rather sure you weren’t sleeping much before you got here either. You’ve even started hallucinating._ ”

Shakily, I rose to my feet. Water. I needed water. Stumbled into the railing. Fell the last few steps. The pantry door was already opened. Desperately, I tore out the bottled water from the plastic wrap. Downed it in seconds.

“ _Mr. Barnes, you need sleep._ ”

“I can’t….”

“ _It’s not like you’d have a choice sooner or later. I’d give you another day, maximum. You’ll be sleeping whether you like it or not._ ”

“I can’t go to sleep.”

There was a sigh that echoed through the house. “ _And why not?_ ”

“…I don’t want to kill anymore,” I whispered. Wanting to run from it all. Hide from what I’ve become.

“ _You’re talking about the man in the alleyway…._ ”

“How did you…?”

“ _You’re very difficult to keep track of, but I’ve managed. Cleaned up the mess as well. Don’t fret about it, Mr. Barnes._ ”

“I killed a man!”

“ _Can’t argue with that. That man’s definitely_ dead _. Oh, it’s slipped my mind, but there’s an electric shaver under your sink by the first aid kit. Watching you scratch at that beard of yours is driving me insane. The head’s already set up for a trim. If you’re all clean cut, people will figure out you’re Barnes from a mile away._ ”

I might as well check on the young woman. Who was still in the closet. But she started to move within the master bedroom area. For a short moment. Even ate a total of two bites yesterday. Tricked her when she tried to bite into my side. At least she was drinking. Not much though.

My feet felt like lead. Heavy as weights whenever I tried to take a step. My eyes were exhausted. So tired. I just wanted to sleep. But I couldn’t risk it. “Why didn’t you tell me she’s passed out?”

Untangling her from the odd position she’s fallen in. I tucked her back into fort of pillows and blankets. It was the only real reaction I got out of her. When I noticed she had moved the bedding. I gathered the rest from the other rooms. She’d rolled herself into a cocoon.

“ _Cause she’s not one to suddenly wake up and hunt down a Hydra Agent to punch to death. Then pass out next to him._ ”

“ _What_?”

“ _You didn’t know who you killed?_ ”

“I didn’t…. What about the time in April?” After I visited the exhibit. Before I came to at the abandoned bank. “…There were three bodies.”

Eve went silent and not much else I could do here. The young woman needed sleep.

Exiting, I headed back into the bathroom I’d been using. As the A.I ghost had said. There was an odd contraption. I grabbed. It was slightly familiar. Pushing up a switch on the side, it buzzed to life. With a shrug, I got to work trimming the itchy beard. She wasn’t wrong there. It was itchy.

I made sure to keep my eyes away from the mirror. I didn’t want to see the person looking back at me. Whoever that was.

“ _I can’t find the bodies you mentioned. I lost you those days._ ”

If she lost me then…. “How did you find me?” The words escaped before I could stop them. I doubt she would answer. They never answered.

“ _I have measures in place and I’m not Hydra or the remnants of SHIELD. I don’t have to sort through the false leads I put out, nor do I have to deal with the internal mayhem they’re going through._ ”

“You could have Hydra Agents among your own.” Maybe she could save themselves. If they had some warning. They’re in danger. Ever since I crossed paths with them.

“ _There have been. They’ve been dealt with accordingly as they pop up. There were other parties as well, but mostly from Hydra…. Annoying little buggers. Though I thought of them as dandelions. They get_ everywhere _._

“ _Oh well. Have to protect the Ayers name. That is my job, and I’m the best there is. Now, I believe I’ve found a solution. I’ll wake you if your nightmares start. Inside the night table is a bracelet. Wear it, and I’ll be able to tell when the nightmare begins. So go to sleep already. I rather not have two passed out people in this house._ ”

It felt like I was back there. In those windowless rooms. Always watched. Nothing private to myself.

“ _Fret not. You can remove it any time. Might even help wake you if you’re a particularly heavy sleeper. I don’t know what triggers your instincts to kill, but stressing out your body isn’t going to win you any favors, Mr. Barnes._ ”

Wordlessly, I pulled onto the bracelet. It was the same as the one the young woman wore. The moment my head hit the pillow, I was out.

 

******

 

Steadily the numbers counted down. Following the flow of seconds. There wasn’t much to do. Besides stare at the timer. Sitting on the kitchen counter. Soup was in the microwave. Bread in the oven toaster. As the A.I. ghost had called it. A tray to my right was set up for a meal in bed.

I could hear the shower running upstairs. The young woman was finally awake. According to Eve. Somewhat functional compared to the last few days.

“ _Huh… Mr. Barnes?_ ”

“What is it?” My muscles tensed up. Ready for Hydra to come through the windows. I hopped onto my feet. Then I heard the shower stop. A clattering of objects bouncing off tiles.

“ _Would you mind getting to Val before she decides to break her neck with the stairs?_ ”

“Buddy!?” I heard the young woman yell from beyond the room. “Shirt off! I need to check if there’s an infection! Did any of the stitches ri – eek!!” The fast speaking was broken with a thud.

For some reason or another, my arms listened to the order. Removing my shirt. The shirt blinded me for a moment. Even restrained me a tad. A moment that almost had me jumping out of my skin. A couple fingertips brushed against my chest. Soft and gentle. So very foreign. But yet, almost familiar.

“…Where the hell is the cut? Eve! I thought you said I was out for five days.” The young woman’s face was inches away from my skin. Brows furrowed in confusion. An open first air kit tucked under her arm. The bottle of alcohol rub in one hand. Hair dripping with water. Still favoring her right leg.

“ _You_ were _out for five days._ ”

A shiver raced down my spine. Those fingers glided across the muscle. Her lips twisted into a frown. A nail scraped at my skin. The touch so careful. Feather light.

“It’s not makeup. It’s… it’s gone. Am I…? Am I going fucking insane? There’s not even trace of it. I swear…. That wasn’t a dream right? I mean, we’re in the bloody safe house…. _What_?”

“ _It healed a couple days ago._ ” In all likelihood there were cameras in the bathroom…. It’s the only explanation to the A.I. ghost knowledge. There were speakers in there.

How did one live so watched…? Then again, I never did go unnoticed. Like I thought I did. Just like a couple months ago. Nothing had changed. Always watched. But so was this young woman in front of me.

“Wow…. I wish I could heal like that.” Her ankle would have been healed by now if she did. She wouldn’t be wobbling on a leg.

“You don’t,” I corrected. I was a weapon. A broken weapon was useless. All this was a result of experiments. To make a better machine of death.

I touched her elbow. To stabilize the young woman. Her head jerked up. Grey eyes scanning my face. My hat. My beard. They weren’t there. I backed away from her. The metal arm was exposed. That linked me to a terrorist. Those eyes widened in recognition. My heart thumped against my ribs. Scared.

“Oh shit…”

She knew.

“You’re Bucky Barnes…” she breathed the unexpected words that cut right through me.

Shouldn’t the terrorist be at the forefront?

“Hang on… aren’t you like… a hundred?”

“ _97\. He’d be 97 years old right now._ ”

“You look about 30…?”

Her attention dropped to the metal arm. I quickly pulled on my shirt. I just wanted to crawl into a hole. Never come out again.

“Your arm… it’s… Where have I seen it recently…? The news…?” And with the softest of whispers, “The Winter Soldier….”

Before she could run for the phone or even move, I grabbed onto her arms. But she didn’t struggle against me. Instead her head collided into my chest. Her voice yelling:

“What the flying _fuck_!? Eve!!”

The cupboard door had just swung open. Slammed right into the back of her head. With an audible _thunk_.

She rubbed the probably tender spot gingerly. With a giant pout on her face. A hand rested on me. Using me to stabilize her wobbling.

“ _You just noticed it?! How are you so slow, Valeriy!? You’re better at piecing things together than this!! I had you watch the news every morning. I made sure to keep you informed of current events._ ”

“Give a girl a break, Eve. I’m running on almost nothing. My brain is like sludge and now it’s pounding no thanks to your head whack.”

She didn’t even try to shake off my hands. Instead she grabbed me back. With shaking hands anytime she tried to use strength. Clutching just above my elbows. Trying to find her footing. She was weak. Very weak. There’s literally nothing she could do. Nothing to save herself. Not from me.

Snap the neck. Target incapacitated.

Grab knife. Slice the jugular. Target incapacitated.

Smash head into the counter. Target incapacitated.

“Are you going to eat that?” she asked. Finger pointing at the toast in the toaster oven.

“No,” I answered. Pulling her backwards to the dining table.

She obediently hopped along. Careful with the once dislocated ankle. Not an inkling of caution in her expression. As if I wasn’t a danger to her. It wasn’t just me. The people after me…. They were far more dangerous.

“Can I have it?”

“It’s for you…. Are you going to call the cops?” I had to ask. I couldn’t take it anymore. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. To be dragged back into darkness.

“What?” Her brow rose in question. She fell into a chair. Rather ungracefully. “And get my ass disowned for dragging the family name through the mud again? No thanks, Buddy. Or Bucky? Sergeant…? Barnes…?”

“ _Sergeant Barnes_ ,” echoed in my head. Thick Swiss accent.

“Umm… okay, maybe not that? What do I call you?”

I shrugged. Returning to the kitchen to pick up her food. To create some distance. Buy some time to calm down. All was too much for my head.

It was so odd to be around a person. Somebody who knew that I was the Winter Soldier. Yet be so at ease. As if we were sitting on the bench. Eating sandwiches.

“What do you _want_ to be called?”

“…I don’t know.” I placed the food in front of her.

She grinned up at me. “Thanks.” She blew at the soup. Taking her time to tear the bread carefully. Dunking it. “How does… Bucky sound to you?”

A familiar face with a pair of bright blue eyes stared at me. Before fading into the dark corners of my mind. And there were so many dark corners.

“James?” she tried. Her good foot kicked out a chair. “Sit.”

“…Bucky,” I repeated softly Sitting down. Bucky sounded familiar. “The man on the Helicarrier called me that… Bucky…. The exhibit…. That’s… That’s not me. I’m not a hero! I’m not him! I’m not – ! I’m not….”

“Shhhhh,” the young woman hushed. “Take a few breaths with me, ‘kay?” Her voice lost its carefree tone.

I tore my fingers out of her hands. The touch too foreign to me. Too soft. Too warm. Too _human_. I backed myself into a corner. I needed to get away. But I couldn’t leave the house. They’d find me. I was going to hurt her.

“I’m a weapon!! You _should_ turn me in! I’ve killed so many!!! I’m just… I’m just a weapon….” My knees gave out on me. “A broken weapon….”

Maybe if I could press hard enough into this corner, I could disappear. My head hurt. The metal arm hurt. At the chair scraping across the floor tiles, my eyes honed in on the grey ones.

The young woman approached me. Using a chair as a crutch. “I’m not going to turn you in.” Her back slammed against the wall behind me. With a thud. She slid to the ground. A groan of discomfort escaping her. “Ow…. So the wall and floor is harder than I thought….”

She wasn’t cornering me. There’s an open path. I could easily run off. Without having to shove her away. Accidently hurting the young woman.

“It sounds like you don’t remember much… about yourself….”

“I don’t remember anything before the Helicarrier…. Most days it’s a thick fog. I feel that there’s something there… but it’s like trying to grasp water. I have no idea who I was before they…. They did something to me. To my head… It’s like they’re still inside. Telling me what to do. I lose myself sometimes…. I wake up about a day later…. Then I remember… killing people… going to places…. I even returned to the place they kept me last…. At least it was abandoned…. They didn’t get me…. I don’t want to return to them…. I don’t want to kill anymore….”

Silence. I spilled too much. But it just broke. The dam just broke. I wanted it out of me. Someone to know. So I wasn’t alone. But this had to be too much.

“I guess you’re going to have to find yourself then, huh?” She spoke softly. Head tilting back against the wall. Eyes focused on the ceiling.

“I’m not him…. Not anymore… Not for a long time now…. That man in the exhibit… he… doesn’t exist anymore. I’m just… broken…. I can’t even rejoin the pieces I do have. I can’t make sense of any of it. I’m full of _holes_ ….”

“Who said you have to be the person you were before… 1944? The broken pieces… take the ones you do have, the ones you’ll find, the ones you’ll make and build something… build _someone_ , who you could live with.”

“Someone who I could live with…?” I repeated. Attempting to understand even a fraction of the words she had spoken.

She nodded. Faced me. Smiled softly. Her hand grabbed onto mine again. “An insane amount of shit must have happened to you between your supposed death and now.”

Her fingers squeezed down on mine. Eyes falling to the left of me. To the arm. To the weapon. Only for a brief second.

“Hell, the world changed as well. Even _if_ you had all the shards and you manage to piece together a shattered mirror, it’s not going to reflect the same image. Would look more like Picasso. You wouldn’t be the same person. You _could_ pretend, and to be honest, that’s suffocating. You _shouldn’t_ be the same. Not after all that.”

I tried to wrap my head around those words. Repeating them. Just trying to understand. That I didn’t _have_ to be the same. That I didn’t have to be a hero. That I didn’t have to be a weapon. But then… “What will I be?”

She took a deep breath. Letting her legs slip to straighten out. Watching her toes wiggling a few times before she finally spoke:

“Not my place to say. I can’t answer that for you. Nobody can. It’s up to you, who you want to be. People may push you one way or another, but in the end, it’s your choice which step you take.

“There’ll be parts that we hate in ourselves, and they’ll always be in us somewhere. But that doesn’t mean they always have to show. Maybe if pieced together with something else, it’ll become different. It’s stupidly difficult. But it’s possible.” Her face tilted my way. Her smile so warm. “You have a friend in me. You’re not alone.”

“Why…? Why are you willing to…?”

She shrugged. “Maybe it’s more for myself than for you. A dear friend helped me when I lost myself. I could barely feign the person I was. Then he came into my life and a lot changed. I’m still working on being someone I can live with. But at least I don’t want to punch the person I see in the mirror anymore.”

She forced a laugh out.

“The person I was a few years ago, I’d have walked away, honestly. Pretend I didn’t see anything. Kicked myself for being such a coward…. And I wouldn’t be able to face him again if I didn’t at least offer a hand.”

Again, silence fell between us. Again, I mulled over her words. Again, I started to feel overwhelmed. My head felt like a hot poker was trying to split it in half. I wanted to run. I wanted to scream. I wanted it to be over.

“Hey, Eve. Does my parents know about him?” the young woman asked out of the blue.

“ _Nope. I’m not planning to inform them either._ ”

“Good. Keep it that way. So long as they don’t find out about you, Bu – ummm Buddy? You’re welcome to stick around. My parents would turn you in in a heartbeat. So let’s just keep them out of the loop on this minor detail.”

“You should turn me in…” I muttered.

“Yeah, no. That’s a bad idea. Wouldn’t be surprised if the ‘Good Guys’ used you as, in your words, a weapon to do their dirty work. You don’t seem like the ruthless killer the media has painted you as. And why the hell would I turn in a friend? Especially after you sav – _Eve_.” She looked away from me. Anger leaking into her voice. “ _Please_ tell me you didn’t drag him into this mess!”

“ _Then I won’t say a word._ ”

“ _Eve_!! Oh god… Eve, _why_?! You know how my family – !” She sighed heavily. Her attention turning back to me. “I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have… I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Bu-Buddy. Is there anything, _anything_ , I can do to make this up to you? _Anything_?” Her smile tired and strained.

“I…” I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even know why she wasn’t pelting me with pots and pans. For being the Winter Soldier. Instead, she was apologizing. To me. For some reason beyond my comprehension.

“ _You’ll be fixing his arm._ ”

The young woman’s eyes widened. True fear burrowing into them.

‘ _Finally_ ,’ I couldn’t help but think. Something that made sense.

“Are you insane, Eve?! We can’t take him to Gramps! Mother would have my fucking head on a bloody pike before we even _land_.”

“ _I swore I said that_ you’d _be the one fixing his arm._ ”

“…Am I hearing you wrong again…? I thought you said that _I’ll_ be the one fixing his arm… What do you mean _I’ll_ be fixing his arm?! Who do you think I am?! Gramps?!”

“ _I watched you grow up. Practically raised you myself. It’ll be fine. I’ll be your back up if you don’t understand anything._ ”

She sighed heavily, burrowing her face into her elbow that rested on her good knee. “Okay. You saved me. I can do this. Sure. Yeah. Okay. I can do this. Hahaha. Who am I kidding….” Her eyes set on mine. The side of her face resting on her arm. “I sure hope you’re patient. ‘Cause I’m out of my depth here.”

“ _Don’t listen to her. She’ll be able to get the job done. Worst comes to worst, I’ll be the brains and she’ll be the hands._ ”

Unease coiled in my gut. Left me utterly unsure of this deal we had. Not after the odd exchange between the two. I couldn’t risk having it damaged. Not more than it already was.

“Hey, it’ll be okay,” the young woman offered softly. “One way or another. It’ll be fixed. It’s the least we can do for dragging you into our mess. Can’t have you constantly being shocked by it, can we? And here I thought it was some kind of chronic pain.”

“It’d be advantageous if the arm worked again…” I noted.

Her hand twitched in mine. The moment I realized I’d been strangling it, I quickly released it.

“Sorry.” I curled further into the corner. Away from her. As much as my mind told me of all the ways to kill the young woman. I didn’t want hurt her.

“Huh? What are you apologizing for? I should be the one saying sorry. You got dragged into my stupid mess.”

“…Your hand… I was hurting you.”

She looked down. Examining her left hand. It still had tremors. She had difficulties just turning it palm up. She gave a soft laugh. Letting her head fall back onto the wall.

“Between the bum leg and trying to get my brain to function… you weren’t hurting me. I can’t stop the shaking. I just need to take care of myself for a bit before my body starts functioning properly.” She pushed off the floor. Using the chair to help her up. “I’m sure you have a bunch of questions. I do too. But I need a day to get my brain working again, so you’re going to have to wait a bit longer. Sorry.”

I perked up at her words. “I’m allowed to ask questions?”

A pause of blankness crossed her face. Just for a second. As she stared at me. Before a beaming grin broke through. Reassuring. Sloppy and tired, but assuring. She nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah, of course you are, Buddy. Ask anything you want. But today you’re going to get slow ass answers from me. If I don’t have the answers, we can find them together, ‘kay?”

I nodded. Watching her finish her meal. There was so much I wanted to ask. But for now, she needed food. And I was relieved. The friendship she spoke of. It didn’t come to be because she wanted something from me. She still saw me as a friend. Even after she found out who I was. I wasn’t alone. I didn’t _have_ to be alone.

 

******

 


	5. Valeriy Ayers - Soggy Spaghetti

 

******

Rolling away from the stream of sunlight, I sighed heavily. I wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep. “What time is it?” I asked, pulling on a large shirt and wiggling into a pair of shorts.

“ _It’s around noon. Mr. Barnes finally decided to settle down. Been asking questions since you went to sleep._ ”

“Oh?” I hummed, crawling out of bed and hobbling to the bathroom to clean up for the day.

“ _Asked about a bunch of the stuff in the kitchen and food. Left him with the laptop and he’s been looking into hauntings and poltergeists._ ”

“Holy fuck! Eve, is this house haunted?!”

“ _Not that I know of. There’s no bad history here. Haven’t brought anything funky into the house. Never picked up anything weird on the cameras and mics in the nine years I’ve had this place. Anything else that makes a place haunted?_ ”

“I don’t know. Shit luck and or a burial ground? You’re the one who’s connected to the internet.”

“ _He probably thinks I’m a ghost still. Briefly searched up artificial intelligence._ ”

“Wouldn’t blame him. Even Amber and Devon were unsettled when they first went into one of our houses. Yo, you got any crutches here? This hopping hurts….” And it was extremely slow for how much energy it used.

“ _That’s what I’ve been forgetting. I’ll arrange for it to be delivered._ ”

“Eve… Did you put him up to befriending me?” I finally asked, before shoving the toothbrush around in my mouth.

“ _If I were the type to make people befriend you, you’d have a lot more friends, and you’d be better protected. I only set up things to place him at the park and hoped for the best…. He knew less than you did about the kidnapping…._ ”

I had my suspicions, and if I wasn’t so paranoid nowadays, I’d have no idea.

“ _I honestly rather you have not befriended the man. He’s dangerous. The people after him are infinitely worse. Basically_ everyone _is after him. Lucky for him, most of them are scrambling to get an idea of who the Winter Soldier is. You do_ not _want to get involved with the people who had him for the last 70 years. They will come after you to get to him._ ”

I spat out the toothpaste and rinsed my mouth. “What’s new? There are already people after me. Always been that way…. Can you keep them away from him?”

“ _…Valeriy_.”

“ _Eve_. Are you able to keep him safe?”

“ _Yes. Of course. But it wouldn’t be without incident and I’m not putting my people at risk for him. With his arm fixed, he’ll be able to protect himself. The fact that he doesn’t want to kill… it puts him at a disadvantage. Those people would stop at nothing to get him. He’s too useful to them._ ”

His arm would be fixed far faster if Gramps was the one wielding the tools. That is _if_ he would just fix the arm and not spend the rest of his life trying to make the ultimate arm. Though with that drive, we’d probably solve a lot of the technical problems with the cybernetic project.

“How safe would it be to travel with him?”

Eve’s exaggerated sigh echoed off cold bathroom tiles. “ _If he cooperates, it’s simple enough for me to move him if need be. You on the other hand, you’re not going anywhere. I haven’t figured out how to move you. Jekyll is still after you.”_

“ _Great_. All this just because of Wegner is a tad extreme, isn’t it?” I did poach the man from Jekyll, so I expected a little backlash. Drying my face, I hopped for the door.

“ _It is. I can’t figure out what’s going on with the information I could gather, but they do believe you’re out of town as of two days ago. So you’ll be alright here, for a while. I’ve informed your parents of the events, and that you’ll call them when it’s safe to do so._ ”

“How much time do you think you can buy me?”

“ _A couple of days more, at the most._ ”

“Wegner’s still on board?”

“ _Yes._ ”

So that was one less thing off my plate. “‘Kay. I’ll call them when I’m ready.”

The bedroom door could not be any farther away. I swear a snail could beat me to it at this pace of hopping. ‘Ah, fuck it.’ I dropped onto my hands and knees. At least crawling turned out to be less painful, and probably faster.

“ _I’m sorry, Val. I promised to protect you, after what happened._ ”

‘That’s out of the blue.’ I couldn’t help the sigh. I had no idea why Eve took it upon herself. But she did. “It’s fine, Eve. I’m here now. Safe. Can’t blame yourself for the shit I get myself into. I know you do your best to protect me, and it’s not an easy job dealing with this family.” I stopped outside of the room my housemate had taken up.

“ _He’s still awake._ ”

“Bloody hell, Eve. I grew up being watched by you all my life, well _most_ of my life…. But I hear most people aren’t used to that. Or comfortable with it. Give him a little space.” I knocked on the door. “Hey, Buddy. Have you eaten yet?”

Silence. Maybe he was one of those blessed people who zonked right out the moment their head touched the pillow. “No….” Or not.

“Do you want to sleep or join me for lunch? I’ll cook.” I sat down against the door. It was probably going to take some time to get another answer. Unless he shrugged.

Laughter suddenly blared at my ears, echoing through the house. “ _Cook? You’re going to_ cook _? Have you ever even touched a pot?_ ”

A frowned pulled at the corners of my lips. “Dude… Had to take Home Ec. first year of high school….”

“ _I saw. It was a disaster._ ”

She had me there. It was a joke that we passed that course. “But we passed.”

“ _Fine, just don’t burn down my house. I’ll go figure out what you can make with what we do have._ ”

“Shit!!” Flailing arms did nothing to keep my balance and in hindsight, I could see why leaning on a door wasn’t my smartest idea.

The young man stood there, frozen, hand still on the doorknob. I guess he decided to eat. The confusion on his face was hilarious. One brow furrowed. His frown grew, but mostly he stayed frozen next to the now opened door.

A giggle escaped me at the shocked face staring down at me. “Hello,” I chirped, handing giving a small wave.

He was still wearing long sleeves. Even had a glove on his metal hand. He clearly wasn’t comfortable with it. Couldn’t blame him for that. Or could it be that most people would know he’s the Winter Soldier at a glimpse of that arm? There was footage of him in the news. Some blurry cellphone footage. Though, it was mainly overshadowed by the whole shit storm with the Helicarriers.

With a swing of my arms, I sat up and crawled for the steps. He silently followed along. There was no thump to his footsteps. If I didn’t turn around to go down the steps backwards, I would have forgotten he was even there. Carpeted stairs were a blessing, especially when crawling on it.

“ _Think you can handle making spaghetti?_ ”

“Please tell me it’s the thing.” Reaching up for the counter top, I used it to haul myself up onto my feet.

“ _Of course it’s angel hair. Who do you think I am? The video’s pulled up for you. Good luck cooking._ ” With that, Eve started the Youtube video on the splashboard.

After watching the barely two minute long clip, I shrugged. It looked simple enough. What could possibly go wrong? Probably going to spill the pasta all over the floor….

“Mind being my legs, Buhh-Buddy?”

Surprise took over those sharp features of his. It didn’t stay long. With determination set in his jaw, his head gave a single nod.

A grin pulled at my face. I could have worded the question better. “You find the pasta? I’ll get the water boiled.”

With that, Eve opened the pantry door and a drawer of pots. Her voice echoed on the speaker as she helped with Bu – the search. The video started up again, this time next to the sink.

Hopping with a pot full of water was interesting. Couldn’t wait to try it when it’s boiling. I couldn’t help the laugh when Eve decided to play a clip of how to turn on the induction stove. It was two extremely self-explanatory buttons. “I’m pretty sure I know what the power button looks like, Eve.”

“ _Yeah. But the ventilation would be a wise idea._ ” The video voice faded behind the roaring from above me.

A yelp and an involuntary flinch later, I was taking the box of angel hair from my friend. Automatically, a smile slapped itself in place in an attempt to put that furrowed brow at ease. “You move like a ninja.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled, staring at his feet and toeing the tiles. Very reminiscent to a scolded child, even though there was no scolding going on and he was six feet plus, making him tower over me.

“Aw that’s fine, Buddy. I scare super easily. My brother has a ball with that,” I joked, pouring in the olive oil as the video said. Hopefully that was enough.

“Brother?”

“Mmm.” I nodded. “I got one older brother. We’re thick as thieves.”

His lips skewed a tad before he chewed on the bottom lip. Brows furrowed in thought. He was so confused. I had to wonder if he remembered he was an eldest brother in his family in another era.

Almost nothing like the heroic young man in Gramps’ stories…. Glad I listened to them. Most of them were focused on Bucky Barnes. The Bucky Barnes before a certain train ride. It’s jarring, the difference between them. Heartbreaking. But even so, there’s enough that he didn’t play a bystander. Still a hero.

I chuckled softly, shaking my head. “This would be the last place I would want my brother to be. I don’t want anything to happen to him.”

The chewing of his lip stopped, but there was still a giant question mark practically stamped on his face. Probably a different question. “Are you able to read my mind? Like…” his words faded as his eyes scanned the ceiling.

I couldn’t help the laughter that spewed out of me. “S-sorry! Hahahaha! Eve and I can’t read minds.”

“Then how do you know what I’m thinking…?”

A grin threatened to split my face in half. My cheeks were getting sore. “We don’t know what you’re thinking, but we’re not half bad at guessing? And you’re rather… expressive?”

That surprised him. Guess he didn’t know? With the beard gone, it’s even easier what was written on his face. Oh how I wish I could see the face he made when I joked about having six toes. That was priceless.

Going back to the cooking at hand, I dumped the pasta into the bubbling pot and searched for tongs. Eve opened a drawer of utensils. No tongs, but chopsticks were close enough. A flick of the wrist and all of the pasta was submerged, just as instructed. The video clip was replaced with a timer.

“Thanks Eve.”

Always on her A game.

There was concern etched onto his handsome face. “Isn’t he worried about you?” he finally asked. He looked so much younger without the full beard, but those eyes. Those haunted blue eyes showed of unspoken horrors they’ve seen.

“I doubt he knows? And there’s nothing he can do either. So why bother him about it? All this, it isn’t something new to us. We’ve all gone through it before.”

“You’ve been kidnapped. You mentioned it that night.”

I shrugged out a nod. “Yeah. Twice….”

“ _I’m good at my job. But defence is a hard game to play. There are always holes and only one needs to be found. Or there are times when I’m out of moves to make. Or there are variables I can’t predict or account for. You were one of them, Mr. Barnes. If you hadn’t stepped in, that would have been the fourth successful kidnapping of Valeriy Ayers._ ”

“ _Ehhh_? Was that really a kidnapping though?” I questioned, setting up the strainer over the sink. I had no idea what to label that part of my life. It was years ago, and I rather not think about it.

“ _Okay. Held hostage then._ ”

“Not really… We’ve been in stupid hostage situations before too. Like when some idiot sent us a bomb of all things….”

Eve sighed heavily. “ _Fine, we’ll just agree that you were held against your will. And that was_ far _worse than the actual kidnappings._ ”

I tried to shrug off the words, and maybe moving to the sink with the boiling pot of water while distracted was one of my dumber idea. As well as leaving a puddle of water in the middle of the kitchen. Luckily for me, there was a ninja in the house.

“Thanks, Bu-Buddy.”

His hands kept a grip on my elbows, letting me to use him for balance. Body heat just rolled off of him in waves. I could feel it in the space between us. He towered over me from behind as he gently nudged me over to the sink.

It was amazing. The strength he had at his finger tips and the control. They were completely steady, subtly counteracting any of my swaying. His grip was strong but never tight enough to come close to even hurting. How he managed such an intricate feat with his cybernetic arm, be it his control over the technology or the technology itself, it was completely impressive.

But in the middle of straining the pot, his metal arm twitched violently and shoved my left hand under the stream of recently boiling water while electricity flooded through my muscles. The warmth behind me was gone in a blink.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed out. “I – I…”

“It’s fine, Buddy. Don’t worry about it.” Sending him a smile, I ran my arm under cold water. It wasn’t his fault that his arm wasn’t working properly. The skin was only a dark pink. Nothing to worry about. Part of me was glad that it took a while to actually get to the sink.

“ _Mr. Barnes!!!_ ” Eve’s voice shrieked. I whirled around. Something was seriously wrong with –

“Holy _fuck_! Drop it!!! Why the flying fuck did you do that!?!”

A knife clattered to the floor tiles from his hand. “I… _Urgh_ …!” He desperately clutched onto his thigh, his face skewing in agony. Blood quickly seeped through his fingers and into his jeans. “I don’t… know….”

“Sit! Get that leg elevated above your heart! Eve! Tell me he didn’t cut something important!” I scrambled for the roll of paper towels and threw it at him. “Keep pressure on it!!!” My mind whirled through all random trivia I’ve accumulated over the years for something of use. With my own injured leg, I quickly swiped the kitchen knife across the room. Did not need to have a repeat.

“ _He missed it. Somehow…._ ”

“Superglue!” I barked out, and I heard a drawer open in the other room. “How safe is it!?” My left ankle screamed for me to stop moving, but who cares.

“ _It may cause irritation. Burns if you use too much._ ”

“‘Kay.” Tossing out the contents off the drawer on the floor, I plucked the annoyingly packaged superglue and quickly hobbled back into the kitchen. “Alcohol!” The first aid kit was too far away.

“ _Pantry. Bottom shelf to your right. Spirytus. 96%._ ”

It was a behind a couple of bottles, but at least it was far better than pouring sticky Kahlua in the wounds. Grabbing the knife off the floor, I started on trying to fight the plastic package of the superglue.

“ _Oh that is not what kitchen knives are used for, Val…. Do you know how expensive those are?_ ”

Ignoring Eve and dropping down next to the pool of blood, I waved his hands away and cut the denim of his pants to get a better look. ‘ _Nope_. I still can’t handle large cuts.’ Shaking away the need to hurl, I blindly groped for a cork mat while my other hand worked the Spirytus cap off. “Bite. It’s going to hurt. Sorry, Buddy.”

Those blue eyes were dead set on mine. He was fighting the pain, but when the alcohol drenched his leg, he couldn’t help the scream that escaped him. Luckily, he didn’t try to fight me off or move much at all as I got to work with the superglue. A few drops down the length. Squeeze closed. Hold for…

“How long do I hold this for?”

“ _Directions says 30 seconds._ ”

As my mind settled down, I looked up from the bloody mess. The man in front of me was so torn. The emotional whirlwind in those blue eyes was heart wrenching. His slowly released the cork mat when I took a hold of it. His shoulders heaved with every trembling breath he took.

“What was that about?” I asked softly, releasing his thigh and frowning. I needed another round to deal with the top edge. Just a couple of drops should seal it all up.

He turned away, probably staring at something unseen. “I… I hurt you… I had to…. I had to….”

‘ _Wow_. That systematic programming.’

He was obedient to a T. It didn’t matter if he was in pain, he did exactly as I ordered in the mess just moments ago.

‘I wonder….’ Squeezing his cut shut again, I mulled over my words. “Look at me.”

That confirmed his obedience.

“Don’t _ever_ do that again. I don’t care if you go into a crowd guns a blazing or even deep fry me in a vat of oil. Do _not_ harm yourself. _Understood_?”

He nodded carefully.

“Repeat it.”

“I will not harm myself,” he half mumbled.

It was better than nothing. “Good.” I offered a friendly grin, trying to lighten things up. If only by a pinch. Or maybe even get some life back into that eerily blank face. Superglue wasn’t supposed to numb the pain, so he shouldn’t be so blank.

Then confusion set on his sweaty brow. “…Why would I deep fry you…?”

I shrugged with a chuckle. “Just popped into my head and it sounded like a pretty painful way to go. But seriously, don’t just cut yourself up like this.”

His eyes dropped and nodded again. “It was… instincts.”

“Shitty instincts for a fighter.” I grumbled, releasing the cut again and nodding at the work. It was sealed. Pouring some vodka onto a pile of neatly folded paper towels, I gingerly cleaned the blood off his skin. “And I doubt it’s instincts, Buddy. It’s more like something ingrained into you. Through repetition probably….”

When I got to working on the floor, his right hand reached across his body and grabbed onto mine. “I’ll clean it.” Didn’t seem like he wanted to use his left arm for more reasons than just that it hurt him.

“ _Good. ‘Cause this idiot would just do a shitty cosmetic job of it. The cola’s in the pantry._ ”

“Hey,” I called out. “Should you be on that leg already?”

“It’s mission operational,” he answered rather devoid of emotions, walking into the pantry. Not a limp in sight.

‘Did they fry his nerves? No, his arm still bothers him and he was screaming just now….’ I sighed a little, knowing what it probably was.

Weakness was unacceptable.

“Trained not to limp as well?” When the words left my mouth, I couldn’t help feeling glad my parents weren’t here. That mask of perfection was nothing but suffocating and at times painful when five inch heels were paired with a sprained ankle.

“What?” a muffled word from the pantry. Even so, it was gruffer than his usual husky tone. Slightly strained even. I doubt it was my place to tell him that he could drop the training that was probably seared into that built body.

“Leave the cleanup for later. We should get this blood off us and we’ll eat first.”

The pasta should be okay to last through a quick shower, right?

‘Now to figure out how to get upstairs without leaving a trail of blood….’ Eve would have my head if I did. There were already red footprints leading into the pantry, and I was sitting in a pool of it.

“ _It’s good to see your brain working properly again. I can’t believe you tried your hand at suturing with how out of it you were._ ”

I couldn’t help the jump when the snap and fizzle of a pop can opening hit my ears from directly behind me. He spilled it into the pool and washed off his feet as well.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” he said after a moment of silence.

“It’s okay. I learned a couple of things. Huh? What are you – ? Oof…. Buddy?” Again, I found myself slung over his shoulder while he was injured and hauled about like a sack of potatoes. But it did solve my problem of getting to the shower.

Even with a cut leg, he was absolutely steady on his feet. His shoulders swaggering with his strides. With surprising ease, he one armed lowered me onto the cold tiles.

“I’ll change the compress later.” With that, he left me sitting in the master bathroom shower.

The moment the door shut behind him, the shower ran. “FUCK!!! EVE!! YOU _ASSHOLE_!!! IT’S FREEZING!!!!” Scrambling out of the stream, I curled up in the corner to get away from the cold water. Everything was just stupidly cold.

“ _How are you holding up, Val? I know how uncomfortable you are around cuts like that one._ ”

“I don’t want to talk about that time, Eve. _Drop it_ ,” I snapped, peeling off the sopping wet clothes and tossing them in the opposite corner. Watching the water run from red to pink, I took a few deep breaths to calm the twisting knot in my gut. “I’ll be fine. As always.”

Feeling the water turn hot, I pulled myself underneath and let it just sear off all the unpleasantness. All the tension in my muscles. All the unease in my stomach.

“ _This temperature is honestly bad for your singed arm._ ”

I groaned at the lukewarm water that now made my shower. It was gross. But the stinging in my arm did stop. Quickly cleaning up, I crawled about the room, searching for something to wear. “Hey Eve? What are we having the pasta with?”

“ _There’s a jar of tomato sauce you can heat up in a pan and mix with the pasta._ ”

“By the way, who drinks 96% vodka?”

“ _Sparks enjoys mixing it._ ”

Haven’t seen that woman for some time. The timing was almost laughable, since she was the one who picked me up after the second kidnapping. Tough as nails and cooler than ice. Wouldn’t be surprised if the woman could handle her hard liquor.

“ _I keep some around for the houses she stays at._ ”

“How is she? It’s been long.”

“ _She is doing fine. Still one of my top people._ ”

“She’s not the top anymore?”

“ _Someone rose up fast._ ”

‘Huh…. A new puppet joins the ranks.’

“How are you feeling, Buddy?” I asked when I spotted him mopping up the cola blood mix. His was dripping with water and his clothing had been changed, so at least he wasn’t down here the whole time cleaning.

As per usual, he shrugged. “You?”

“Peachy.” Popping into the pantry, I grabbed a jar of red pasta sauce and returned to cooking. “Could you set the table when you’re finished? I’m going to finish up the pasta.”

“Sure.”

“Thanks.”

Silence consumed the two of us. The kitchen got clean. The pasta got served. It still stayed for most of the meal. Eve wasn’t too wrong about my cooking skills. As plain and simple this dish looked like, we were munching on soggy angel hair.

The ex-soldier didn’t seem to care, finishing rather quickly. I had to wonder what they fed the guy. Hopefully it was something edible. Unlikely that it’d be something yummy. He _was_ their weapon as he put it. They’d probably use some care to keep him healthy, even if they taught him to cut himself up as punishment.

“Who are you?” he asked, pushing his plate away.

“Me?” With all he’s seen, couldn’t say I wasn’t expecting this question.

He nodded, motioning to the space around us. “All this. Safe houses. Being kidnapped.”

“ _Remember, Val. He doesn’t remember much before a couple months ago._ ”

“Uhhh… Well then… where do I even start? I guess the family? Since I’m just a pawn…. Ummm…. Gramps branched off and started small tech company about 50 ish years ago?”

“ _54 years_.”

“He’s been inventing stuff for longer. Then about 30 ish years ago? Father took it big with Mother as his right hand and now we’re Ayers Corp, which happens to be one of the biggest privately owned corporations in the world.

“I _believe_? We’re still most famous for our security and… life improvement technologies? I don’t know what to call that…. Um, stuff that makes daily life simpler? This house would go under that. With how Eve controls a bunch of things. Though what’s mostly on the market isn’t as advanced as this. Still some kinks to work out. Mostly the price….”

He frowned heavily, his eyes dropping to his completely covered arm. “This… _arm_ isn’t like this house. It’s not so simple.”

“ _Quite agree that this place is rather simple. But it blends in. That’s what we need for a safe house, and this isn’t what you should judge us by, Mr. Barnes._ ”

“Your arm will be fixed. So where were we?” I asked. They didn’t need to be bickering. Eve was Gramps’ baby, and being in her house when she gets defensive, not pretty.

“You said you’re a pawn.”

“Huh? Oh yeah. I’m the useless Ayers daughter. Ain’t one of the geniuses. But I‘m okay at a few things? Cooking, clearly isn’t one of them….

“The main thing my parents use me for is my face? Well my name actually…. I don’t know why people think I have _any_ sway in Ayers business, but they do. And so long as they do, I have use? I mostly show up at events in place of my parents or sign contracts in their stead. Something about putting the other party at ease that the Ayers are backing it. I’m not too sure. I just keep my head down and do what my parents tell me to. So basically, I’m just a pawn.”

“ _Should you have told him all that?_ ”

“Would majorly _suck_ if he turned around and kidnapped me himself, but my gut’s not telling me to run for the hills… so it should be fine? And I didn’t say anything a google search wouldn’t turn up. People just don’t usually think it’s me unless I’m all dolled up. Makes daily life simpler.” I shrugged my shoulder. “Well except for the pawn thing….”

“ _Your arm will be fixed, Mr. Barnes. Even if I have to bring someone else in._ ”

Though the someone may or may not turn in the young man for being the Winter Soldier. Or sell the information to whoever was after him.

_“So please calm down._ ”

One quick scan of the man in front of me, and it was easy to tell he was upset about something. But there was an awfully familiar bracelet on his wrist.

“Why the hell is he wearing one of your bloody monitors?” I demanded. “I told you to give him space. Not fucking _tag_ him, Eve.”

“ _I like to keep my house in order. Can’t blame me for that._ ”

Suddenly he stood up. “Your ankle. I’ll change the wrappings.” He walked out of the room with a limp and I continued with my pasta.

“ _It’s funny how the two of you don’t even think about painkillers._ ”

“…Oh yeah, that’s a thing. Meh, I don’t like it. My brain gets sluggish and I still have to figure out what to tell Mother and Father.” Cupping a hand by my mouth, I yelled out, “Hey, Buddy!! Do you want to use any painkillers!?”

Less than a second later, he was walking through the doorway. I probably shouldn’t have screamed. “It doesn’t work. My system burns right through it,” he answered and kneeled at my side, gingerly taking my left leg and setting it on his good thigh.

“That sucks.” It really did. I had a choice. He didn’t even if he wanted to.

It was surprising how gentle he was, with all those muscles. I could easily see them under the fabric of his shirt. Then again. The shirt wasn’t exactly his size. I doubt there were many of Eve’s Puppets who were this built.

When he calmed down a bit, I spoke up, “Thanks for doing this, Buddy,”

“Bucky…” he corrected ever so softly, I almost missed it. “…My name is… Bucky….”

“Alright, Bucky,” I grinned and he grunted in response. This was far better than a shrug and I no longer had to awkwardly cover my attempts to use his name.

Boy did my ankle hurt, the steady throbbing that matched my heartbeat. So to push it to the back of my mind, I attempted to wolf down my soggy spaghetti. He quietly worked away, wounding dry bandages around my ankle. He’d pause randomly waiting for his left hand to stop its spasms before continuing to unwrap the bandages.

It wasn’t until he was mostly finished and I ate all I could stomach of my own cooking that an idea popped into my head. “Bucky, do you want to talk to someone who knew you? Steve Rogers. I’m sure Eve could find his numb – ”

“No!!” he yelled, getting up. His eyes widened wide in panic. He looked just about ready to dive through a window, backing away towards a corner.

“Okay! Okay! We won’t contact him! Eve can you – ”

“ _Yes, I can, and I shall. I’ll do what I can to keep everyone away from you. He won’t find you._ ”

“Forget that I even asked, ‘kay?”

He tried to calm his heavy breathing, and with a single nod, he bolted upstairs.

“ _And I thought we were making such progress._ ” Eve brought up a video on the glass of the dining table of how to wrap an ankle.

I got to work finishing the compress. “Is he alright?”

“ _He’s not self-destructing, if that helps? And as much as you want to be friends with him, I rather you don’t._ ”

“You rather a lot of things of me, Eve, and I’m not going to just turn my back on him no – ”

“ _I get that he reminds you of –_ ”

“Do _not_ go there!”

“ _Can you live with it, Val? Can you live with Hydra coming after you if they link you to him? You’ll be on the run for who knows how long. I can do my best to protect you then, but can you juggle your lives when you have no freedom?_ ”

“I’ll manage. I’ve always managed and you’ve got my back, right?”

“ _Of course_.”

“I want to do this, Eve. If he wants the help, I’m here. I want to be friends with him. It’s the _only_ reason I’m willing to face those demons again. And I can’t believe _you’re_ the one forcing me to open this fucking door again.”

“ _Don’t you miss it, Val?_ ”

“Whatever,” I huffed, blowing a lock of hair out of my face. “Besides, it’s up to him at the end of the day. I can’t make him stay, and I doubt you could make him leave.”

“ _Not with you backing him, and I need him to protect you for now._ ”

“Can’t call any of your people?”

“ _No… They’re all busy with other things…._ ”

“I hate that we’re using him. Going by what he said, he’s been used more than enough.” Rage was slowly burning through my veins at the idea of somebody forced to do things they never wanted to. It reminded me of things I wished to forget.

“ _Would you rather Jekyll get to you?_ ”

“…” I secured the wrapping and shrugged. “I don’t know, Eve. He has enough on his plate. I’m just a spoiled little brat.”

“ _No, you’re a girl who’s turned away from who you really are._ ”

“You’re looking for something that’s not there anymore, Eve.”

I knew she blamed herself for those events. It was an old wound we’d pick into at each other to shut the other up. It was sickening every time it was brought up. ‘I don’t know why you blame yourself for them…. You were under orders.’

Silence. Absolute silence between us. It left a gaping hole inside me. I just wanted to run away from all this. Be someone else. But alas, no matter how hard I run, the one person I couldn’t escape from was Valeriy Ayers.

 

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been dying to get out why Eve and Val seem to be reading Bucky's mind. He has no idea that he wears his thoughts and emotions on his face. (He could probably carry half a conversation with his face alone.)
> 
> Updating pace will likely slow down. I've been posting what I've already written. 
> 
> I got super excited that people are reading this and charged forwards with editing. ^.^''


	6. Bucky Barnes - Slip n' Slide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thanks to aereul for editing the chapters thus far and future chapter until life becomes busier. She practically dragged me through this chapter while I rewrote, scrapped, shuffled and cut this chapter into something… and for helping me through the pains of (re)writing the summary when I didn’t want to say anything.

 

******

 

“Val!” a male voice boomed from below. From the first floor. Someone was in the house. At 02:59.

“Daddy! How are you?” the young woman chirped. Her voice higher than usual. Almost too cheerfully. “Mum too. I hope things are well.”

I couldn’t help but tense up. Searching for potential places I could hide. Running for it. That wasn’t an option. Hydra was out there. But in here, her parents. They’d turn me in. She should have turned me in.

“We’re well,” the male, likely her father, stated. “Baku is beautiful as always. You should come here some time. Maybe on an assignment. You’d enjoy it. How is everything? Did you manage to bring in Wegner?”

“Wegner’s on board.”

“ _Mr. Barnes, please calm down. They’re not actually in the house_ ,” the A.I. ghost whispered in the room I’ve been sleeping in. Using the closest speaker to me. “ _It’s something akin to a telephone call. As long as they don’t know you’re here, everything will be fine._ ”

“Daddy is proud of you. I knew you would be able to bring him into the company.”

Curiosity got the better of me. My legs moved on their own accord. What else had phone calls become? The dial turned into buttons on a screen. Wires were no longer much of a thing. And they were so much smaller. They fit in a pocket. But at this volume, it wasn’t something people would put against their ears.

“Eve told us you were almost kidnapped again,” this time a woman’s voice rung through. Probably her mother. “You had us so worried. Are you hurt?”

For a brief second, our eyes met. Panic. Pure panic in those grey eyes. Her hand next to the laptop flicked out. Likely dismissing me. Before going back to insistent drumming. “Uhhh dislocated my ankle…?” the young woman mumbled.

“You’re always so reckless.”

The young woman’s hand fisted into white knuckled grip. Eyes trained on the screen in front of her. Suddenly, her muscles in her arm twitched. Sending the chair she was balanced on backwards. She took the fall. On purpose.

“What are we going to do with you?” the father asked. A sigh in his voice.

From under the table, the young woman wildly waved me towards the living room. There was nothing happy in her face. Nor her body language. Just absolute panic. “Eve says there are people still after me…” she muttered. Pulling herself up with the furniture.

Feeling her urgency, I silently made it into living room. Grey letters were displayed on the television. _Whatever you do, stay in here and do_ not _make a sound, Mr. Barnes._

“At least you don’t have anything lined up at the moment,” this time her mother.

Then the father joined in. “Keep out of the news. We’re at a crucial juncture. We cannot afford bad press.”

“Do you understand, Val. Whatever happens, _this does not get out_.”

“We don’t need a repeat of when you were 8.”

The young woman nodded. Sighed with a shoulder sagging. “I’m 24 now. Not 8. You’re not going to find my face plastered all over the news covered in blood again.”

“Don’t be sassy with us, young lady,” the mother snapped. “After all we’ve done for you.”

“Sorry….” The young woman’s hand twisted. A finger drawing a circle in the air behind the laptop.

“ _Sorry to interrupt. But time is running out for this line._ ”

“Mummy and Daddy loves you!” the father chirped.

“Love you too.”

Then silence. An almost suffocating silence. Nothing like the times on that bench in the park. Then a loud snap from the laptop. When she slammed it shut.

“ _…That is not indestructible, Val. Nor is your head…. Hey, stop bashing it on the laptop._ ”

The young woman laid there. Still. Half atop the table. Her hands clenched so tightly in fists. “At least I get a vacation…? _Woohoooooooo_ ….”

“ _Sarcasm isn’t going to win you any points._ ”

When the grey text faded. It meant I could speak, right? “What happened when you were 8?” I asked.

I was allowed to ask questions now. It was nice. But not so much this situation. Either way, I was learning a lot faster. About the modern day. I was clearly missing pieces.

Her head popped up. Pale eyes staring at me. Drained and exhausted. I doubted she meant her words to this extent. That she’d answer all my question. With each silent second that passed. Her lips pressed into a thin line. She stood up. Using a chair to help her into the room I sat in.

“That was the first time I was kidnapped?” she huffed. Dropping onto the couch to sit on my left. “I had security with me at that time. Didn’t matter…. They were completely overwhelmed after the car crash….”

“Must have been terrifying.” The words tumbling out of me. On some instinct. Probably the right thing to say. Judging by the small smile she sent me.

Her shoulders shrugged. “It probably helped a bunch I conked my head and was passed out through most of it? None of it really sunk in until one of them tried to cut off my ear? When I tried to escape. They did only have a couple of people watching me….”

I couldn’t help but check her ears. She had both of them.

She folded her left ear forwards. Turning her body to show me. “Got sewn back together and tattooed to hide the scar.”

“I don’t see a tattoo.” Merely a barely raised line running down the back of her ear.

“That’s the point. It’s my skin tone. Almost like it never happened. And… uhh… A sniper exploded the guy’s head before he completely severed my ear? So that probably reduced the cleanup?”

“You have snipers?” I asked.

“Yeah? But that wasn’t one of ours.”

“ _We mostly use snipers to consult on our security services. If they can find a way to kill the target, then we haven’t done our job. If you’re ever looking for work, Mr. Barnes, we could always use your skills. Breaking our systems and setups._ ”

“Eve,” the young woman next to me sighed. An apologetic smile on her face.

It was still baffling. That they could see any use for a monster. A killing machine. For something other than my purpose. The opposite of it. To protect. Maybe someday. Maybe someday that would be possible.

“ _He is the best assassin in the world. He’d find holes we’d never think –_ ”

“ _Anyways_ ,” the young woman quickly cut in, when I shifted on the couch, “the window was shattered from the shot, so I was able to crawl out. Ended up in the middle of a busy shopping center… which got me all over the news. ‘Cause like kid from a well-known family found covered in blood is such excitement…. So most of the blood wasn’t mine.”

She pulled a tired smile.

“‘Tis the Ayers family tradition. To be whisked away. We try to stop all we can, but we’ve all been taken before. Playing defense is pretty difficult. Actually, I’m unsure about Gramps. Maybe he hasn’t? Do you know Eve?”

“ _Does the war count? From his stories, his entire family was taken. As for the period between the war and when I came along, I do not know._ ”

She shrugged. Almost making the movement as carefree as it normally was. “There’s even assassination attempts. My brother and I haven’t yet had to face that fun notion.” She pulled up her legs. Arm wrapping around them.

“ _The two of you are more useful as bargaining chips._ ”

“As if they’d ever get anything that way. We wouldn’t be the best if a little kidnapping was a fucking hole. _Idiots._ ” She tried to stifle a yawn against her knees.

“Sleep.” I tilted my head. Motioning for the stairs.

The young woman shook her head. Curling up tighter into a ball. “My nerves are too fried for that. How about you?”

“I have another hour. Before sleep.” Something I wasn’t looking forward to either. The wall of faces. All of them… likely have met an end at my hands. There were far too many.

“How’s the leg?” she asked softly.

“Mostly healed.” It wasn’t even going to scar. As if it was never there. And it’s only been 39 hours. “…I’m a monstrosity.”

“Hey, now. Don’t be so harsh on yourself, Bucky. We can’t be both hobbling about the house, right?” she said. Her voice light and calming. “At least one of us should be able to run at a moment’s notice.”

I flinched at the movement of fabric. Shifting over the metal of arm.

“Sorry, did that hurt?” the young woman asked. Hand retreating. Eyes looking up at me. Seemingly so innocent. I was starting to doubt. That she was as carefree as she usually carried herself.

I shook my head. “No….” The pain was mostly from the damage done. “You’ll get shocked again.”

“Oh that was fine. I’ve tased myself before. A lot. Even with the taser Gramps’ built me. Curiosity got the better of me…. The little contraption walks the fine line of stopping a heart and knocking a guy out. It’s pretty nifty. Adjusts itself to the person. Still a bad idea to tase a guy with a pacemaker though.”

“You….” I sighed heavily. Shaking my head.

She laughed with a carefree wave. “Was not the brightest child…. May I take a look? At your arm.”

Reluctantly, I nodded. Pushing the deadly weapon towards her. She was eventually going to help fix it. She’d see it if that was to happen.

As she rolled up the sleeve, I wanted to squirm away from her light touch. Every movement was gentle. Careful. So very foreign. She held it like it was something delicate. That it would break. That it wasn’t some killing machine. Made with metal. Soaked in blood.

A shiver raced up my spine when her fingers fluttered across the arm. Tracing the thin line of space between the plates. She shuffled herself closer. Resting the weapon on her legs.

Tentatively, she worked off the glove. I almost wanted to run. A barely familiar sensation of a hand sliding against mine registered in my mind. It was fleeting. Before disappearing like smoke.

She moved onto folding and unfolding the fingers. I could easily resist her puppeteering. Crush the hand in mine. But I went with it. Watching the curiosity grow in her.

“What are you – ”

“Shhhh,” she hushed. Reclaiming the little space I had just made. Placing her ear where the red star was once more. Her fingers tangled with mine. I could feel my heartbeat racing at my ears.

Just what the hell was she doing?

Then she moved the hand. Side to side. Over and over again. She rotated the wrist a few times. I could feel her head nod against the metal shoulder. Those long locks brushing against the sensors.

I couldn’t handle it any longer and shifted away. Just enough to calm myself. She didn’t seem to notice. Almost automatically settling back against the couch cushions.

She hummed. Lips twisting in thought. Her hands were rested on the bicep. A finger tapping insistently.

“The plates all feel fine. No dents. Not even a scratch,” she whispered so quietly. Probably to herself. She didn’t know of my sensitive hearing. “Hmm, there’s at least couple of things loose in there.”

“What?”

How could she possibly know that? The arguments between Eve and her. She couldn’t have figured out much. Not from just moving the arm around.

“Huh?” She turned her attention on me. Those gray eyes bright and clearly awake. A warm smile on her face. “Your arm is seriously complicated, Bucky. _But_ we’ve been tinkering around with cybernetic body parts for years now. A pet project. Been mostly trying to make it affordable. So your arm’s not completely foreign? Holy shit, are these…? Wow. They didn’t pull any stops on this, huh?”

Her attention drawn away by the weapon folded on her knees. Two of her fingers rested on a plate. A third tapped right next to it.

“I wonder if it’s an alloy or pure Vibrani – Yewouch.”

I quickly pulled my arm back. Resting it on my lap. Yanking down the sleeve to cover more of it. It was a particularly nasty shock.

The half giggle she gave. It helped ease my need to jab something sharp in my leg. She sat there. Smiling around the finger in her mouth. Just watching me.

I snatched the glove she held out to me. Shoving the hand inside. Gritting my teeth as it spasmed again. It was what completely erased my need for pain. I was getting it through this arm.

“When will the tools arrive, Eve?” the young woman asked.

“ _Two weeks maximum. It’s been a tad difficult to sneak them out. But you’ll be able to keep them._ ”

“I don’t think we’d need replacement parts, and I doubt we could get those under the radar or even find….” A big yawn cut off her words. “I think I should turn in. Good night, Bucky.”

I nodded in response. Watching her push the chair she had designated as her crutch. Heading for the staircase. The lights in the dining room turned off. Leaving me in the dim lighting of the family room. It’s been one confounding conversation after another. Welling up unease in the pit of my gut.

When the faucet in the master bathroom turned on, an excited giggle rang from the speakers of the room I was in. “ _I was starting to lose hope that I’d see that side of her again. You just might be more useful than I calculated. I thought she was going to play dumb this whole time._ ”

“What are you talking about?” I was in for another confusing exchange of words, wasn’t I?

“ _Whisper, Mr. Barnes._ ”

‘I give up.’ I had enough in my own mind to figure out. “I’m going to sleep,” I told the A.I. ghost and got up from the couch. But her next words froze me in place.

“ _You might despise that arm, Mr. Barnes. A tool for killing. Figured you have to live with it if you want to survive Hydra’s hunt. To free your mind of them. But it doesn’t have to be merely a weapon._ ”

“What are you going on about?” I seethed in the quietest whisper I could muster. The anger welling up inside me. Pain shot through my nerves. Screaming for me to release the clenched fists.

“ _Your arm may just be what’s needed to return a piece that’s been –_ ”

“Eve!! Fucking _shut the hell up_!!!” the young woman yelled from behind a closed door. A thud against the wall sounded off her temper.

“ _You do realise that’s not going to hurt anybody but yourself, right? I don’t have nerves,_ ” said through a speaker from upstairs.

The two of them were going to start bickering again. Whatever it was that they were skirting around. I probably shouldn’t even attempt to prod with a ten foot pole. And there they went.

It was almost too easy to drown the argument with the horrors of my own mind. Settling next to my room window, I stared out of it. It was the perfect vantage point for the street. It eased my mind when nothing moved outside. No shifting shadows. It meant I was safe. _For now._

 

******

 

Something was happening at the house across the street. Something out of their daily routine.

Children. A whole group of them. Far more than the usual three who lived there. All running about. Screaming and laughing. Throwing colorful water filled balloons at each other.

An adult, male, crouched by the wall. Fiddling with something with a pile of yellow plastic. A couple of the children hovered close to him. Squealing when he rolled out the long yellow sheet of plastic.

They gathered together in a line. The first one dashed at the yellow strip. Diving hands first. Sliding down the length of it. Laughing happily. The small blond boy ran back in line as the next child copied his action.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“What’s what?” the young woman’s voice half echoed into the room I occupied.

I couldn’t help the jump. I had expected the A.I. ghost to reply. When I looked back, the young woman’s head was peeking in. Sideways. A curious glint to her eyes. A happy grin on her face.

Silently, my finger pointed out the window.

The rest of her body joined her through the doorway. The crutches must have come in during my sleep. _Click. Thump. Click. Thump._ A yelp sounded when I tugged her away from her window. Out of sight. Out of danger. Though she landed in a crumpled mess of limbs and hair.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. Shying away.

She gave a dismissive wave. Laughing it off. “So why are we hiding?” she whispered.

“Can’t be spotted. Stay in the shadows.”

She sent me a confused expression. A brow quirked in question. She gave a carefree shrug and peered out the window. “What we looking at?”

“What’s that?” I asked again. Pointing at the yellow.

“Ooo, what’s that?” she repeated. “It looks fun.”

“ _How is it that you don’t know what that is, Val? It’s a Slip n’ Slide, Mr. Barnes. Oh wait, hang on. Val, you’ve never played with one before?_ ”

“Yo, you’ve basically seen my entire life. What do you think? I’ve never even heard of it. How are the kids not skinning themselves – oh, the water. Duh. Eve, can we get one?”

“ _Not recommended for adults…. Unless you want to break your neck._ ”

“Awww…. No fun.” The young woman next to me pouted.

“Wait, she can see out there?” I asked. None of the cameras in the house should be able to see that area.

“Between the cameras she probably setup all over the neighborhood and the satellites, yeah, she sees a lot.”

“Satellite… images….” Hydra had spoken those words around me. Never at me. No need for mundane information for a weapon. An aerial view.

“Mmm. Yup.”

“…You mean satellites are real now? They weren’t making that up? But all the pictures looked like they were taken from low flying planes....” The multiple pictures of the Triskelion. The ones Hydra used to direct me. The path to the Quinjets. To destroy.

“Umm… Satellite are real,” she replied. Sounding just as confused as I was.

“ _The first artificial satellite was launched in 1957._ ”

“Oooh. Okay. Umm… Yeah okay, they did figure it out. Now we have a bunch of stuff floating about Earth.”

The television in the room flickered on. An image of blue and green filled the screen. North America. It moved in, changing from green to an expanse gray. Couple seconds later, I could make out a yellow strip and little dots moving around it. The children across the street.

“This is from space?” I questioned again.

“Yup,” the young woman chirped. “Via a big ass camera.”

The A.I. ghost could watch anybody. Hydra has access to these satellites. They could easily find me. ‘How are they not here yet? How did I even get away?’

“We have satellites in outer space too.”

The image of the neighborhood changed to a swirling cloud of rainbows and dots. Stars.

I had seen a sky filled with stars before.

Where? I don’t know.

When? I have no idea.

But I could almost remember the warmth of something against the skin of my face.

“You watch over space too?” I asked the ceiling that broke into laughter.

“ _At times, Mr. Barnes. My father has a passion for outer space. I mostly search for nebulae to make murals at our various sites._ ”

Another picture faded in. This one reminiscent of an eye. If irises came in pink.

“There’s GPS too,” the young woman added. “Useful for getting directions online.”

“ _Or keeping track of people. Likely the kind that’s in your arm, Mr. Barnes._ ”

Hydra. They could track me from space. How far would I have to run? To escape them? Where could I hide? So they couldn’t get a signal.

This house. So far it’s working. They haven’t come by. There would be some sign. If they knew my location. Then again…. It was only a matter of time. Before I found myself in the bank vault. For a third time. Eventually they’d figure it out. That I’d been returning. All due to their programming. Whatever it was they left in my head.

I needed them out of my head if I ever want to escape them.

“…Way to kill the mood, Eve….” The young woman placed a hand on the metal weapon. “They won’t find you. We’ll get the bugger out and we’re super good at hiding people. It’s what we do.”

“ _If they don’t go running off doing their own thing. I swear if I had an actual heart, it’d have stopped a few times dealing with you and your brother. The two of you have the self-preservation of a lemming and the attention span of a goldfi –_ ”

“I can hear your tummy again, Bucky,” the young woman pointed out. Cutting off the frustrated A.I. ghost. She stretched out and flashed a carefree grin. “You really should eat when you’re hungry. With the way you work out, you should be eating a hell of a lot more. Come on.”

“ _Like you’re one to talk. At least he eats when I ask him to._ ”

The young woman flipped the bird at a corner over her shoulder. Hobbling out of the room on her crutches. Only to have the door slam into her back.

But as much as they fought, between the two of them, I never went hungry for long. Not in this house. Food was delivered every couple of days. Fresh fruits. Bread. An assortment of drinks. But mostly anything that could be put in the microwave, oven or toaster oven.

I have suspicions that the A.I. ghost wanted us away from the stove. After the pasta.

She kept the choices simple for me. And I was grateful for that. Even if it was slightly off putting how she’d know what I’d prefer. Most of deliveries contained a couple of new items. Some never showed up again. Some became regular.

“What do you think of lasagna?” asked the young woman. Holding onto a frozen tray from the freezer.

I shrugged. Haven’t had it yet. Don’t remember having it before. This item was from the first delivery.

“It’s too much for me. I can eat like… not even an eighth of this…?”

“ _Just stick it in the oven already. Don’t forget to remove the wrapper_.” With that, the freezer door slammed shut. Right out of her fingers. The oven door opened. Waiting for the tray.

“But what if Bucky doesn’t want to have lasagna?” the young woman asked. Ignoring the movements of the kitchen appliances.

“I’ll eat it,” I stated. Before the two of them started _another_ argument.

“Okay,” she chirped happily. Shoving the unwrapped tray into the oven. “45 minutes before it’s done. Shit… didn’t think it’d take this long.”

“It’s fine.”

She beamed a grin at me. “Perfect. Oh! Got something for you.”

Curiosity had me following her into the living room. The coffee table was buried under scraps of paper strips. A couch cushion laid on the floor next to the short glass table.

“Uhh… hang on a second,” she laughed. Quickly clearing the table. Shoving everything into a cardboard box.

Grab the head. Slam into the glass table. Target incapacitated.

Shaking off my instincts, I joined her on the floor. On her left. To keep the metal contraption away from her. As a line of six cloth covered books were neatly placed on the glass. All a navy blue. Each with a different white patterning on it. Waves. Triangles. Leaves.

“Notebooks,” the young woman chirped happily.

“What for?”

“Might help if you write things out? Helped me some years back. Lets me work through stuff outside of my head. Stuff I want to remember. Stuff I want to forget. Helps make all the stuff rattling up in here quieter?

“I don’t know if it’ll help you. But attempting to explain it to someone, who’d never read the words, forces me to see and understand things in a different light. Helped released a lot of anger too and learned to let go a bit. Nowadays, I mostly make little notes of ideas or save happy memories so I can read it when things aren’t as dandy.”

“What do I write?” I questioned. Turning my eyes onto the pale pair beside me.

“Any…thing? Everything? Nobody else is going to see it. Umm… One for memories you want to keep. One for questions to be answered. One for working out the shit you went through. One for working out who you want to be. Or something like that? Up to you. I could always rebind it if you want to reshuffle the pages. Just leave a couple centimeters of space at the spine? Or an inch?”

“You’re giving all of these to me?”

She shrug. “I only need one to work out my own shit? You can have the rest if you want?”

“…Did you make these books? I… You can buy blank books… right? Am I remembering wrong?” Bookstores. Art shops.

The young woman grinned brightly. “You’re not. You can buy a bunch of them in stores. They come in all sorts of sizes, colors, shapes, papers. I make my own ‘cause I love working with my hands and after… well, I needed something else to do. _Besides_ this paper is special. Nobody else has them.”

I opened a notebook. Found the expanse of white paper littered with uniformly spaced dots. A thin piece of thread lined the middle where the spine was.

“Dot graph paper. Didn’t know if you wanted blank, lined or graphed, so this is a happy middle ground I like. But that’s not why it’s special. Eve _hates_ this paper. It’s our response to being constantly watched by her. Cameras can’t read what’s on this paper. Eve.”

At her name, the television in front of us lit up. An image of the pair of us sitting on the floor. Shot from the upper west corner of the living room. The young woman plucked out a piece of loose leaf from a glowing box. Held it up to the camera. It glowed blindingly bright on the screen but not in front of my eyes. Nor was the box. They only glowed on the screen.

“And paired with these pens, she can’t even guess what you might be writing via hand movements.” Her hand was engulfed by a white ball on the image. A grin splitting her face. “It comes in a bunch of colors too. If you want to color code your stuff, have at it.”

“She… can’t read this…?”

“Organic eyes only. So I guess she can have her Pup–people read it out to her? Eve, nobody reads Bucky’s notebooks, ‘kay?”

“ _Noted._ ”

“And I can cover the page I’m working with if I’m doing rebinding? That alright with you?”

It was still so foreign to be asked such questions. For my opinion. If something was “alright” with me. But I gave a nod. Some privacy. After so long. Sounded wonderful. “Which one is yours?”

The young woman shrugged again. “Asked Eve to fly over the more masculine fabrics. My best friend bought them for me last time she was in Japan. I love them all. So _please_ save me the misery of picking.”

I shook my head. Panic a cold hand clawing at my insides. I couldn’t pick for her. I could barely decide for myself. And that was with only a couple of options. Six was far too many.

“I… I can’t – ”

The soft smile the young woman sent my way cut off my words. There was no wrong answer. That’s what her expression told me. Any of the books would do. A deep breath moved her torso and I copied. Breathing out my nerves. I just had to pick up a book. Hand it to her. That’s all. One book. Simple.

‘I can do this.’

The same as grabbing something to eat. Pluck the closest thing. Shove it into whichever appliance the A.I. ghost opened.

“I don’t need five notebooks,” I stated. An attempt to buy time.

She hummed with a carefree shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t like my rants anywhere near my good memories and I burn about half? Of my books. The stuff I want to forget about? It’s something to consider, Bucky, how you want to organize it, and I can always rebind them in a different order or into separate books.”

Another bout of silence consumed us. The young woman moved onto organising the mess she made in the box. One of the A.I. ghost’s deliveries. Likely when I was asleep. She gave me space to think.

Eventually, I picked up the third one. The one with the clouds scattered across it. And held it out to her.

She grinned happily. Her fingers wrapping around the book. Taking it from me. “Thanks a bunch, Bucky. Saved me three wasted days. Would have taken me that long to decide…. What? I flip flop a lot.” She playfully stuck out her tongue. Opened the notebook. Laid it gently on the glass coffee table. “Want to give this writing thing a shot?”

I have a nod and grabbed the plain cover notebook. The shade of blue familiar to me. I opened it to the first page. A pen gripped in between my fingers. The feeling of it barely familiar. It’s been so long. I couldn’t even remember the last time I held a pen. But my muscle memory did. Which left me staring at the dotted page. With no idea where to begin.

On the other hand, the young woman, an arm’s length away, was lost to the world. Her pen gliding across the page at a mad pace. Barely lifting off the page to start a new line.

There was so much whirling about in my head. Nothing I could grasp long enough to put into words.

Stab the pen into the jugular. Target incapacitated.

“ _Mr. Barnes,_ ” the A.I. ghost called out.

The young woman’s head snapped up from her writing. Eyes wide. One glance. Immediately going for my hands. Probably checking that I hadn’t stabbed myself again. With that confirmed, she shuffled over next to me. Our knees knocking loudly. It probably hurt her. But there was only a sheepish smile on her face.

“Bucky, nobody’s forcing you to write. If you don’t want to, then don’t. You’re free to do whatever you want. Except leave… until I… until I can get that tracker out…. After, you’re free to go wherever? I mean, none of us could stop you if you wanted to run off. Though I do suggest you stay long enough for me to get my shit together and fix whatever’s shocking you in there. So if you don’t want to write, don’t?”

“I want to at least try….” Anything to ease the mess in my head. “But…. Where do I even start?”

“Uhh….” Her eyes dropped onto the half-filled page she’d been working on. A page filled with foreign symbols. Composed of elegant waves and dashes. Some even looked like flowers.

“What language is this?”

“Dahlia? It’s a code…? My brother and I made it up when we were kids. Only the two of us can read it. Nobody has yet to crack it. Not even Eve, and she’s been at it for _years_ ….” A happy giggle escaped her. Though when she looked at me. Her grin dropped rather quickly. “I can’t teach or show you any words…. If anyone else knows anything about this, it’s one step closer to being decoded…. Sorry. We don’t have the freedom to make another one. There no longer are any blind spots to Eve when it comes to us.”

“ _Who told you two dumb idiots to shock each other half silly with a makeshift taser you two rigged up in a bathroom of all places!?_ ”

“I was seven! Can you blame us? We thought it was really cool how the guy in the movie tanked the taser shot and pulled out the prong thingies. We wanted to be able to do that too. It was harmless fun.”

“ _Your grandfather clearly didn’t think it was harmless._ ”

“Nor did you…. We thought we were going to go deaf at your screaming. It’s not like we didn’t do our research.” The childish pout on her face told how she very much didn’t learn her lesson.

“ _Urgh… what am I going to do with you, Val?_ ”

The young woman shrugged. “But you loved that side of me, Eve.” All traces of a smile dropped from her smile.

I had expected a quip from the A.I. ghost. But none came. Just long seconds of silence.

The tension too high for me, I asked, “Did it not hurt?”

The shocks running into my shoulder… and I could still feel the electricity coursing through my brain. That pain… I never want to feel it again. Never again.

“The taser we made?” She laughed. Grinning from ear to ear. “We were able to adjust it and all that. Though the first one shot me right off my feet! But we used it to restart my heart when…. Uhhh, well, we were dumb kids having fun? Trying really hard to be cool. Not the only dumb things we did behind everyone’s back.”

Excitement practically rolling off her in waves. She didn’t even care that my eyes kept returning to the elegant waves of code. Going as far as pushing the notebook closer to me. Fully confident that no one could break it. The result of a couple of kids fighting for every bit of privacy they could.

“We be dumb kids and our idea of games might be a little off kilter, but we had so much fun.”

“Explains all the cameras in the house,” I mumbled. There were no blind spots. Not a single one in this house. Not unless it was made by rearranging the furniture. Or if I could fit in the cupboards.

The young woman shook her head. “This is her house. Probably under the name of one of her Puppe-hmm her people. But it’s her house… though our places are just as monitored. ‘Cause dumb kids… and it really does prevent some shit storms. But I did ask her not to constantly watch you. You’re already wearing one of my monitoring bracelet things so… yeah…. She probably just checks in on you if something alerts her? Sorry.”

“ _That’s what I’ve been doing from the start. I have better things to spend my resources on. Solving how to get the two of you out of D.C. after the tracker is out being one of them. But I’ve turned off the cameras when Mr. Barnes is alone._ ”

It was my turn to shake my head. To force a smile. An apologetic one. “Better this way. I can get rest without… without….” I couldn’t finish. I didn’t want her to know. That I was a…. What I was. A killing machine. A weapon. Still one. That, at the moment, I had ten efficient ways to kill her. With just the pen in my hand.

“Why don’t you start with that?” she asked after a couple of beats. “Whatever it is that’s going through your head right now. It’s fine if it’s just a single thought. There’s an exercise where you just keep writing for a period of time. Doesn’t matter if you’re just repeating yourself, as long as you’re just writing. Here.” She flipped to the first page of her notebook.

It was filled with a repeating set of symbols. Messier and messier with every iteration.

“It’s seriously overwhelming trying to tackle everything at once. Hopefully the noise dies down when something else is doing the remembering?”

“What are you writing about here?”

“Hmm…. It’s the thing Eve and I have been bitching at each other about.”

And having never actually said what that was about.

“Got to work out the anger there. Doubt you’d appreciate me screaming at inanimate objects….”

“It has to do with this arm.”

She gave a curt nod. “A wee bit. It’s just tinkering with things in general. I put it all behind me. It’s a door I rather not open.”

“You don’t have to….”

“But I can.” Valeriy sent me a soft smile. “After all, I used to rip out all the trackers Eve and the others keep tagging me with since I was younger,” she said, fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist. “I’m not half bad at finding them, and you’re a friend. I can do this for a friend. Especially one who saved me.”

“…Thank you.”

Nervously, I returned to the blank page in front of me. Fiddling with the pen between my fingers. Her knee knocking into mine again.

“You’re not alone,” she reminded. Going back to her page of symbols.

_Am I just a weapon? Am I just a weapon? Am I just a weapon? Am I just a weapon? Am I just a weapon? Am I just a weapon? Am I just a weapon?_

_No. I will be useful. I will help if I can._

_I don't want to kill anymore._

 

******


	7. Valeriy Ayers - A Little Cup of Water

 

******

 

As a screech broke into ringing in my ears, a startled gasp filled my lungs. My hands flew to cover them, trying to lessen the overload of volume. Terror washed through my veins. It sounded like an animal was being slowly ground up, feet first.

‘What the hell’s happening?’

“EVE!!!” I yelled, pulling on a shirt, grabbing my earphones and hoping that the noise canceling feature could do something to lessen the ear-splitting sound. I grabbed my crutches and hurried out of the room.

“ _I can’t wake him,_ ” Eve said through my earphones. Better than trying to hear her over this screaming. Nothing should be able to scream like that. “ _Nothing’s working. You should run. He might be having a break._ ”

‘And leave him in his personal hell?’ I couldn’t help but glance at the stairs on my way. It wasn’t like I wasn’t capable of walking away from this. To turn a blind eye to this. But part of me knew what it was like to be trapped in a nightmare, begging for escape but having no control of when I could wake.

Taking a deep breath to attempt to calm my shaky nerves, I opened the door. Or tried to. “EVE! THE DOOR!!!”

“ _No. And don’t scream. There’s no need to let him know you’re here and I can pick up your voice through your jaw bone perfectly fine._ ”

“Then open the bloody door!” I knew that slamming my palm against the door would do nothing to make her open it. She had no nerves. And the person inside…. He wouldn’t be able to hear anything over the terrifying sound he was making. “ _Eve!!_ ”

“ _It’s too dangerous!_ ”

“Like I could even outrun him if he decides to turn on me. Now open it, or should I fucking tackle it down?”

Nothing.

“Fine!!!” I dropped one crutch and used the other to break the dry wall next to the hinges. If she wasn’t opening the door, then I could take out her servos. ‘Hang on….’ I hopped back to the other side of the door and repeated the same destruction of dry wall. But instead of the mess of wires and mechanics, there was another layer of drywall.

“ _Next time, I’m letting you cook in a steel crate…._ ”

“Whatever.”

Crawling through the rather snug hole, I came upon the sight of the screaming man on the floor, tangled in the setup he made to sleep on. Bucky tossed and turned, fighting off whatever hellish demons his mind made for him. And I prayed that they were just his mind fucking with him and not memories.

“BUCKY!!!” I tried. Nothing. No reaction from him. Pretty sure he drowned out my voice with his.

Feathers suddenly rained down in the room. Half a pillow case floated down by his feet. The other half was still clutched in his hand. His struggling was not going to help the pain from his left arm. Through the rapid movements, blue sparks could be spotted between those plates.

“ _What are you going to do, Val? There’s nothing you_ can _do._ ”

“I really don’t need another voice in my head telling me I’m useless.” But my ears couldn’t handle the volume in this room so she was free to speak as she liked, feeding her words straight to my ears. “The neighbours?”

“ _House is soundproof._ ”

I needed a solution. And quick. He was stronger. He was faster. He could probably snap me like a twig.

I slowly inched towards him. My instincts watching for a pattern as if he was a programmed game, but he wasn’t and there was no pattern to the mess. This wasn’t a game.

‘Maybe he’ll wake by touch?’ Taking a dive for the makeshift bed to just grab a hand or something, I found myself suddenly sailing over the actual bed thanks to Bucky’s flailing arm. ‘And a roll.’ To work out the momentum trapped in my body.

“ _Any other stupid ideas?_ ”

“Plenty,” I groaned out, gingerly patting my side. ‘Doesn’t feel like my ribs broke. So that’s a plus.’ Forcing myself back up, I crawled into the bathroom. “Not a word of that to him, ‘kay Eve? Really don’t need to test out my medical trivia again.”

“ _Why are you doing this?_ ”

“How the fuck does one even _begin_ to ignore this sound?” I’d be hearing it for the next couple of nights echoing in my own nightmares.

‘…Are you seriously telling me that this mangy little cup is the only container in this stupid bathroom!?’ But it’s better than my hands. Filling it up, I hobbled a few feet and tossed it over the man.

“Wake up!” I yelled during the momentary pause of screams.

Blue eyes shot open. His body rocketed up. His panicked eyes darted all over the room. From my face to the door to the hole in the wall to my hands to the window. His breathing hitched, hyperventilating with every second. He’s going to black out at this rate.

“Where…? Where am I?” His voice scratched at his throat. He even winced from the words.

“At the safe house. In the room you picked. Uhhh… The hole’s there ‘cause it was easier than tackling the door…? Anywho, you’re safe now. You’re safe here.”

He wasn’t calming down. _At all_. Not one bit. There was no recognition in his eyes. At least from what I could make out with the questioning gaze he kept sending my way. He looked so lost, confused. Almost childlike if one disregarded how built his body was and the stubble on his jaw.

His shirt was even soaked through with sweat. That could not be comfortable. How he managed to sleep in clothes let alone long sleeves was beyond me.

“…Who are you…?” His eyes settled on me for a couple of seconds before they were dancing all over the room again.

‘Oh shit.’

“Valeriy _,_ ” Eve hissed at my ear.

‘Oh shit.’

“ _The door will open for you. Just remember it swings in. So don’t run into it._ ”

‘Oh shit. What would he do…?’

“ _Get to the basement._ ”

‘What the hell would he do?’

“ _Room on the left. There’s a storage space._ ”

‘He’d sit at my side. Wait it out.’

“ _You’ll have to climb up into it. There’s a safe inside._ ”

‘He’d hug me…. ‘Cause I was his bloody girlfriend!’ But the man in front of me resembled nothing like a girlfriend! ‘What the fuck do I _do_!?!’

“ _There are guns in there._ ”

‘God damn it. I’m not going to shoot him.’ I doubt I could out race him. _Ever_.

This man, from what I recall of that night at the park, he’s brutally efficient. He’s not sadistic. If he lashed out, I’d be finished in seconds. Not the worst way to go.

“ _NOW!!!_ ”

‘If I make it out of this with my hearing intact, that’d be _great_.’

Bucky, with a mighty leap and a twist, jumped onto his feet, landing right by the window. The man moved like a startled cat. Wide blue eyes darted between the now open door and my face. His muscles coiled, ready to lash out or crash into the heavily reinforced window. He’d honestly have better luck going through the wall….

“ _Valeriy!!_ ”

I took a deep breath in to calm myself and it clicked. My spine straightened up. Hopefully this would work. “Look at me.”

Blue eyes locked onto mine, staying there.

“Breathe with me.”

He gasped. His lungs rattling for a second before his breathing slowed down, copying mine. _Inhale. Exhale. And inhale. And exhale._

“Good.” I offered him a small smile, testing the waters of how formal I had to be with orders. He seemed not to care. “Nobody’s going to hurt you. You are safe here. You just had a nightmare. Are you with me?”

He nodded, eyes still honed onto mine.

“Good. What do you remember?”

His eyes dropped, staring down at his hands, and then his left one in curiosity. He even flipped it over, rolling up the long sleeve to reveal more of it. The complete opposite of what he had always done before: hiding it under a bunch of layers.

‘…Oh fuckety fuck _fuuuuck_. He doesn’t even remember his bloody arm, does he? Do I even risk using his name?’ He clearly didn’t react to it well when he was more there.

“Valeriy _. The last time he was like this, he killed a man. The time before that, he killed three. One of them an innocent bystander. Right now, you’re the only target. Let him go back to sleep. When he does, your friend should be there when he wakes up._ ”

“Let’s not think about all that. Or at all. Let’s not think at all,” I suggested.

A sickening feeling settled in my stomach when I watched the lost childlike gaze turn blank. It pained me to see him nod, almost robotically. If he was coming back after he sleeps, then I just have to keep him calm until then and most definitely not have him running about the street with that tracker still on him.

“Your arm. It’s been damaged. There will be some pain. Don’t panic over it. It’ll pass.” At least I hope it did, and the poor guy wasn’t walking around in constant pain this whole time.

“Valeriy _…_ ” Eve hissed again and I continued to ignore her warnings.

“Grab some clothes over there in the closet. Take a shower. You’ll feel better afterwards.”

Almost immediately, he shuffled away from the window. I turned my back to him and turned on the shower, making sure it wasn’t cold or searing when he got in. I just had to keep everything calm.

A wary shiver traveled up my spine when I felt Bucky’s body heat some distance behind me. The man moved like a ghost. Feeling the water warm up, I squared my shoulders off with him. “Do not hurt yourself. ‘Kay?”

He nodded. The eerily blank, almost lifeless glaze that settled in his eyes ever since the first orders slipped through my lips, it was completely off putting.

“Repeat it.”

“I will not hurt myself.”

“Good. Clean up.” My hand came up, and he partial flinched away, freezing in place when I made contact with his cheek. Up close, the tears stains were clear in the bright bathroom lights. I was scared to know what he dreamt of.

When he leaned into the touch, my thumb caressed his cheek and I watched life breathe back into those blue eyes of his. Still no recognition. He had no clue as to who I was.

“You’re safe here. You’re safe now. If you get scared or unsettled, at all, just come out. I’m just on the other side of this door. Or yell. I’ll rush in, ‘kay?”

He nodded into my hand.

“Good. Shower. You’ll feel better. Come out when you’re done.” I smiled softly, turning away to give him space and letting my hand fall from that warm face.

Before my hand completely dropped, cold fingers grasped onto mine. They were rough from callouses and so much larger, engulfing mine entirely. After a shower, his fingers should warm up. It was almost childlike, the look he gave me when I faced him again. So much like a lost kid. One that’s being abandoned….

I squeezed down on his hold, keeping it comforting. “I’ll only be about… five steps away? Three if they’re yours. Go shower. You’ll feel better.” I waited for him to let go, and when he did with reluctance, I backed out of the bathroom with a hop closing the door on my way.

“ _Valeriy, you reckless_ child!” Eve seethed through the earphones as I tore out one of them. I was going to at least save one ear if I could help it.

I leaned against the door, taking my weight completely off my bum ankle. “I’m sorry, Eve,” I whispered.

“ _Why do I even bother protecting you, huh!? When you’re going to just do something like this?!_ ”

I sighed heavily, raking my brain for anything else to talk about besides rehashing the impending conversation. “Have you at least sent word to Apple Pie?” I asked, waving to signal the man behind the door.

“ _Eeehh…I didn’t feel like it._ ”

“The fuck is that suppos – Sh-IT!!” I slid off the suddenly opening door, the knob catching right where I took a punch, painfully. My back collided with a warm chest before I continued for the floor only to be stopped by a pair of hands lifting me up. “Uhhh….” I broke down into nervous giggles, hanging a couple feet off the floor. Between my ticklishness and how scared I was, I could only laugh.

I had no idea how long he was going to hold me in the air with his hands gripping the sides my ribcage. I wasn’t even hanging by my armpits. It showed me just how strong he was. Not so much as a tremor in his arms or fingers, even with my movements.

A glance to the mirror at our side, I could make out half his face twisted in panic and fear. ‘Hang on… why isn’t it all foggy?’ The room wasn’t as humid as it should be. ‘This doesn’t make any sen – ’

A surge of electricity raced through my torso. As Bucky fell to his knees, my body crumbled to the ground. Spotting his right hand reach up and grab onto the cup I used to wake him up with, I jumped.

“Aw hell no!”

That was glass! He’s so not going to butcher himself with that!

Wrapping myself around his arm, I should have known 110 pounds was nothing to him… nor was I going to even budge those fingers in attempt to pry the cup out. How the glass hadn’t managed to shatter yet was beyond me. This man’s control over his strength was insane. His arm curled around my waist, and just hauled me right off the tiles. If he wanted to, I wouldn’t doubt he could just squash me in half or send me flying again. But he didn’t. _Thankfully_.

“What the fuck did I say, man?! _Drop it_!”

At last, he released it, obediently. “Not to hurt myself…” he mumbled, stilling his ‘struggles,’ and gently lowered me back onto the floor.

I sighed heavily and rolled off him. “Why do you do this…?” I tucked the cup deep inside the cabinet under the sink.

“You’re my handler,” he stated simply.

“…” I had guessed as much with how he was the last time we were dealing with that particular reaction of self-harm. But to actually hear him say it. Did not like it. Wasn’t going to correct that either. Didn’t need him booking it out of the house looking for his last handler. Whoever the fucker was.

‘Just what the fuck did they do to you?’ For him to remember he had handlers when he couldn’t even remember his arm.

Curiosity got to me, so a question slipped out of me before I could stop the words. “Isn’t it a little counter intuitive if something happens to your handlers when you’re out… uhhh….”

Confusion knitted his brow together. “The handler never goes out in the field.” The answer was quickly formed, as if it was basic instincts.

‘I guess the team he was with on the bridge weren’t his handlers…?’ Probably the people who took care of all the little details like logistics and played support? ‘The…? The handler? So there’s only one? Wait _what_ …?’

Shaking off my thoughts before I do end up asking something that could trigger him into running back to Hydra, I sent him a soft smile. “You’re still soaking wet….”

On the bright side, he was wearing clothes, which clung to his skin. His hair was still dripping with water. A lot of water. He sat there blankly. His eyes mostly void of light. His left arm was cradled on his lap, partially hidden behind his other arm.

“Is your arm still hurting?”

He shook his head, his shoulders hunching over making himself seem smaller. His head even ducked and from the looks of it, trying to be short than me, which wasn’t going to happen. It was heartbreaking to watch him shrink into himself. Make himself less of a target was my guess. Something not worth dealing with to escape punishment.

“How ‘bout we dry that hair of yours?” I offered and attempted not to react to his flinch. I dug through the drawers and found the blow dryer. ‘…Would this scare him…? Probably.’

It was loud. Even looked like the weirder guns found in cartoons and our labs. Wouldn’t doubt Hydra had some funky looking weaponry too.

‘Did they even have these way back when?’

I doubt Hydra bothered to blow dry his hair. When I took hold of the towel, it was dry. No wonder he was soaking wet. I placed my free hand on his shoulder when he tried to get up.

“I’m too short to deal with your hair if you stand up. Turn around for me, will you?”

His head turned, his gaze dropping to my arm, and I held my breath, slowly retreating my hand. His hand snapped up so incredibly fast, his fingers wrapped around mine so softly that I couldn’t comprehend a thing. When I finally flinched, those blue eyes were set on mine. A question in them. So very lost. So very innocent. Nothing like they usually were. Barely even a trace of the haunted man who probably saw demons at every corner and the spaces between.

Offering the best smile I could at the moment, I curled my fingers to return the hold, pulled the towel off the rack and gently placed it on his head. Broken fingers were a possibility if he got scared.

“I’m going to just rub the towel against your hair, ‘kay?” At his nod, I took his flesh wrist in my free hand and pulled my fingers free. “You can grab onto my elbow if you want.”

And that was exactly what he did, as I sloppily tried to towel dry his hair. His eyes fell shut. His body tilted forwards. His head dipped down. His flesh hand still clung onto my left elbow, moving with me instead of putting any weight on my arm.

“ _You honestly suck at this_ ,” Eve laughed on the speakers.

I had to grind my teeth together and fake a smile, when Bucky’s fingers clenched shut, _painfully_. His eyes quickly searched the room before they landed on mine again.

“Shhh… That’s just Eve. She’s harmless.” Far from the case, but she’s not going to do anything at the moment, hopefully? “She’s a friend.”

“…Friend…?” he repeated, his hold loosening up.

“Yup. Eve, ummm, why don’t you find us a movie to watch? Something… Uhh…. Nothing scary?” I just hoped she caught on with the implied _nothing to trigger him_.

“ _I’ll see what I can find._ ”

Resting my hands on that warm head, I debated how to go about introducing the blow dryer to Bucky. ‘Now or never, Val. He shouldn’t sleep with a head of wet hair.’ I pulled his hand from my elbow, sending him a reassuring smile, and plugged the loud contraption in. ‘I should get around to designing one of these things that don’t make my ears fucking ring….’ We probably had the technology, just had to piece them together.

Bucky’s fingers found mine again. Those lost eyes staring out from under the towel. He gave a gentle tug. Asking for something. Asking for something he probably didn’t even remember. Just asking. How the hell was a person supposed to respond to this? That, and I was sure my fingers were going to break when the dryer turns on.

“I’m not going anywhere, ‘kay?” I tried. Not like either of us could leave this house until Eve figured life out. “I’m going to turn this on. It’s going to make a lot of noise. It’s annoying as fuck. It’s just blowing out hot air. Not going to hurt you. You’re safe. ‘Kay?”

He nodded, letting me slip my fingers out. He flinched at the blaring roar and I wrapped my hand around his tight fist, rubbing circles on it with my thumb.

“Look!” I urged, turning the contraption on my own hair. “See?! Harmless! Just hot air!” I lowered it between us and he yanked his hand away. “It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s not going to hurt!”

I wasn’t completely sure if it happened. It was just a blur, moving faster than I could blink. Or did I blink? But I swore his hand swiped through the warm air. I guess he did, since he was cautiously fiddling with the air flow now.

“Can I dry your hair now?!” I asked, shifting about until I was kneeling in front of him. No point getting him to turn around now, being so settled. Free of the stiffness he normally held. He’d probably be paranoid about having somebody behind him as well.

He looked up at me, the towel sliding off his head and pooling around his neck. He gave a nod. His head bowed in permission.

With that, I got to work. One hand constantly keeping the dryer moving. The other combing knots out of the dark locks, but it was mostly there to make sure I didn’t accidentally burn the poor guy.

His head would lean just the slightest when my fingers brushed against his scalp. He kept most of his weight supported by his elbows on his knees. His fingers were fidgeting for once. I could feel it from how the hem of my shirt was moving. It was nerve racking since I hadn’t bothered to pull on shorts.

His head dipped lower, and I pointed the dryer away. Before I could open my mouth to ask if I burned him, his forehead pressed against my lower ribs. His hands stilled. His entire body was still, just barely resting against mine.

With a shrug, I continued with drying his hair.

“ _So,_ ” Eve started in my ear after some time. “ _The new movies without any potential triggers are of no interest to you. Either too artistic, sappy romance or not your cup of humour. As for ones you wouldn’t mind watching again… Inside Out?_ ”

I didn’t respond as a silent no.

“ _Finding Nemo?_ ”

That was a definite no. The film mirrored too many things to the amnesiac assassin with him being Nemo. I wouldn’t be too surprised if Captain America was Marlin.

“ _Wall-E? He was looking a lot into space stuff earlier today. Seemed that he enjoyed it more than when he was researching about hauntings._ ”

‘She’s going to list out a bunch of Pixar’s works, isn’t she…?’ I gave a slight nod. I missed the little robotic pair. It should be okay. Animated figures. I hoped it was okay.

“There, all done,” I chirped. Turning off the blow dryer, I backed away and placed the warm contraption aside as a distraction. I could still feel how soft those brown locks were between my fingers. “Shall we?” I asked, getting onto my good foot.

He stared into my eyes wondering what I was talking about. They dropped down to the hand I offered to him. His flesh hand slowly came up and held onto my fingers, like before. No way was I going to be able to pull him up with that grip. I doubt I could handle his weight either. Especially with my ribs still sore from flying.

I smiled softly and tugged on his fingers lightly. “Come on, get up.” I pulled off the towel around his neck and tossed it to the side.

With ease, he rose. Those muscles letting him move with such elegance. He followed after me in absolute silence. I couldn’t even feel the usual vibrations of a footstep on the floor that most people left. His breathing, it was clear it’s been trained to be quiet. Probably some bullshit about being unseen and unheard. He wasn’t used like a nuclear missile, a deterrent. If he were, the world would have heard of him long before.

“Tuck in. Get comfortable. We’re going to watch Wall-E,” I urged, waiting for him to pick a side of the king sized bed.

His head tilted to the side in confusion. He still wouldn’t let go of my fingers. So I guess I’d be on his right.

“A movie. Cute little robots.” Shaking my hand free, I guided him onto the bed and tucked him in myself. Crawling to the other side, I settled in and the movie started rolling on the TV.

Bucky was curious for about five minutes before his attention was back on me. I held out my hand. He stared at it. Just stared at it.

‘Oookay…? What does he want…?’

Those big blues eyes darted from my hand to my face and back. Asking. Took a moment to understand why he was chewing on his red bottom lip.

I reached up, and his body swiftly twisted, his head knocking against my hand. He nudged it again.

“Okay, okay,” I laughed, running my fingers through his barely damp hair. “I get it. Hang on a moment.” I shuffled a pile of pillows between us. “Rest your head here.”

He adjusted his body and his head laid on the other side of the pillow mountain. I shimmed down to rest my head on my side of the fluffiness, so I wouldn’t be stuck sleeping sitting up. I folded my arm behind his head and ran my fingers through the silky soft locks.

This time, instead of trying to dry the thick hair, my fingers focused on his scalp, gently scratching at it. Who knew if he was even watching the movie at this point, and whenever I paused, he didn’t let me rest long, nudging back against my arm for more.

“ _So…_ ” Eve half hummed at my ear. “ _Devon’s been trying to get a hold of you. Decided to go through me this time. Forwarded the messages onto your phone. Kept you offline on everything._ ”

‘Of course he’d contact me when I was just thinking about him.’

Clumsily, I reached back with my foot trying to pluck my phone off the night table with my toes. With one hand still scratching Bucky’s head, the other navigated through the apps. If I were frolicking through social media, my parents would probably assume I was just off playing rather than hiding from Jekyll.

 _Hey. Are you free on the June 20 th? There’s a concert at Walt Disney Concert Hall._ The same words sent to me via all the ways a person could probably message me shy of snail mail.

_Apologies. I have been rather caught up with the family business and I didn’t see any of your messages until Eve told me abo_

‘Nope,’ I chirped in my head, my thumb holding down backspace. Why the hell these words decided to weave themselves together in that odd order, I had no idea.

_Yo! What’s up! Been long! Haha didn’t see your messages. Holy cow! The Walt Disney Conc_

‘Nope! Nope! Much nope! So much nope!’

_Hey. Sorry I just read your messages but I can’t go. My schedule’s rather ful_

‘I don’t know how to reply….’ I wasn’t going to drag Jekyll to Devon’s concert, but I really wanted to go. This would be the first concert he’d invite me to that I wouldn’t be able to go to.

“You should go,” suggested a deep voice to my left.

My eyes snapped up from the screen and landed on Bucky who had resettled against the pillow mountain. The lightness in his tone hit me like a freight train. “W-wh….wha…?”

His shoulder rolled back, using the movement to peer up at me. “You should – Awww.” His metal finger gently jabbed at my cheek. “Look who’s blushing. You like him, don’t you?” An absolutely infectious toothy grin pulled across his face, eyes crinkling at the corners.

‘Am – am I…? Dream…? _Wha_?’

“You do! I got this.” With those words, he reached over, plucking something from my fingers. “ _So_ , is this Devon _handsome_?” Was that teasing in his voice?!

‘What the fuck’s going on!?!’

The moving animation stilled into a picture. A picture of Devon and I in Santorini, mid-jump in between two buildings. A bloody selfie.

“He _is_ a handsome one.”

‘…Is that my ph – HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!’

I jumped for my phone, but Bucky’s hand shot up, moving away from me. “No no nononono. Wait!” Clawing up the body of muscle, I tried to get a hold of the stupid thing. When he finally showed mercy and dropped the phone in my hand… it was – “Eve!”

“ _Too late,_ ” she cackled.

“What the fuck! Eve!! This is like a bloody essay! How did you type so fast?” I could only gape at the man I sat on and the paragraph on my phone. “How did you even compose this in the span of 10 seconds?”

“I had 27 seconds,” Bucky merely stated, his head cocking to the side with the cheekiest grin I’d ever laid eyes on.

“ _He soaks up information better than ShamWow with water,_ ” Eve stated at my ear. He was using a laptop, a tablet and a TV all at once this afternoon. One of them being the satellite feed of this neighbourhood. “ _His one hand now types faster than you do with both._ ”

Puffing out my cheeks, I tossed my phone across the room and dug my fingers into his sides. Giggles peeled out of him. Sweet revenge’s mine! Though in the matter of seconds, Bucky had my hands swallowed up in his fists.

His eyes widened at the wicked smirk I sent down at him. I gave my toes a wiggle, being that they were already tucked against his sides. He practically squealed. A twist of his body and I slammed into the mountain of pillows.

Chuckles bubbled up from within me and we both broke into a bout of laughter.

When we managed to calm down some, he commented on the picture. “The two of you look happy.”

I couldn’t help but smile at that particular frame of the video clip. “Yeah. That’s the first freerunning trip we took. It was back when we were dating.”

“What?” His expression changed in a blink of an eye. The boyish grin fell and the mirth in his eyes faded away.

I quickly rolled off him, giving him what space he may need. “He’s my ex-boyfriend,” I shrugged off, reaching up to run my fingers through Bucky’s hair only to have him flinch into the bed. “Hey, Bu-Buddy. Don’t worry about it. We’re good friends now.”

‘Who only “talk” a few times a year….’

I placed both hands on his head, pushing the pads of my fingers against his skull. Anything to try and distract him or to calm him. It seemed to work. He was relaxing.

“You didn’t make that jump.”

“Huh?”

“You didn’t make that jump,” he repeated calmly.

“How the hell do you know that? No one’s guessed it.”

“I didn’t guess. The shadow on the wall. The building is 85 centimeters in front of you. 7 centimeters below your foot. You didn’t make the jump. Not with that trajectory.”

Was this his super sniper training? The ability to do whatever the fuck just spewed out of his mouth? Gramps said he was good, but this was… this was something else.

‘Hydra….’

The Bucky in Gramps’ stories used inches and feet not the metric system. He was even the one who sat down long enough to teach Gramps the imperial system back when the old man was a kid. So Bucky definitely used the imperial system back in the war.

Eve, doing her own thing, queued up the video clip. The one where I stupidly held my phone out to take. Started with Devon and I leaping off one building. Then with a clatter, the phone bounced off the ledge falling to its death while I somehow managed to hang on by just my fingers.

Maybe not our smartest idea with only a couple months of parkour training.

“ _I just calculated. Those numbers are correct,_ ” Eve whispered, sending goosebumps down my arms.

“Eve, start up Wall-E again. Thanks.” As the movie continued on with Wall-E trying to hold EVA's hand, I gently urged Bucky back onto the pillow mountain, keeping in mind not to corner him. I settled in my spot and returned to my task of petting his head.

‘Hold up a damn second. Where the hell did Bucky get Devon’s name?’ None of my personal contacts had the right names. They were all desserts of some sort. Devon’s being Boston Cream. ‘…Holy shit, can he hear Eve in my ear? Healing enhancements and now hearing? What the fuck did Hydra do to him?’

And that was when it really sunk in, just how different the man I shared a house with was compared to the man I grew up listening to stories about. For a short moment, those blue eyes were so bright, free of all the horrors that came with war and Hydra. Would remembering all that be worth it? There were people who’d love to have him back, his Captain, Gramps. The expectations could break him, but maybe they’d remind him of the times of laughter and joy.

‘Damn it, I shouldn’t be comparing the two. He should have a chance to sort things out on his own terms.’

Resisting the urge to just bury him in pillows and blankets to keep the world away, I moved my fingers down to his neck to massage out the tension there. I couldn’t tell if he was just made out of knots or if his muscles were really that hard. He even gave a soft, content sounding sigh.

His breathing was calm, the movement shifting my elbow. Even through the pillows his heartbeat could be heard thumping strong and steady. He was completely relaxed for once. If only he could be so normally.

But that was a tall order. The demons that haunt him were the making of others. None of it his fault. Someone else would have done the job if he didn’t. But he was the one suffering for it all.

This was one measly hour of peace. But it was an hour, and that was something.

 

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… Happy Bucky popped out of nowhere for me. I have doubts he’d make a return (any times soon if at all).
> 
> I can see a 18-23 year old Bucky teasing his little sister(s) and helping them in the same breath. 
> 
> Also, out of curiosity, I looked into dating back in the 1930s and 40s. Came out culture shocked. The whole "popularity" thing and the fact that “going steady” started because of the war. It makes sense but @_@.


	8. Valeriy Ayers - Cup Noodles

 

******

 

On my left, the mattress shifted. As blind panic made its home in me, my fingers wound themselves around a plastic box under my pillow. With a twist of my body, I drove the taser down next to me. Where the movement came from.

Ice ran through my veins. I hit nothing but the sheets. The pain flaring at my sore ribs screamed that I wasn’t going to be able to fend for myself. From the corner of my eyes, a large blob covered part of the wall. I took aim, praying that my finger found the trigger on the side of the box in time.

The face that greeted me wasn’t his. The eyes were bright blue, brimming with confusion. The hair was much longer. Lighter too, in the few rays of sunshine that slipped through the curtains.

It’s not him. It wasn’t _him_. It’s –

“Bucky…” I breathed out, relief flooding my system.

Brows furrowed on that handsome face. Shoulders tensed up to his ears. Muscles coiled ready for anything. Eyes darted from my face to my hands and back.

My arms dropped like lead, gripping the taser until my hands cramped up. “I’m so sorry. Oh god…. I’m sorry. It slipped my mind that – ” Stamping down on my urge to hurl, I raced for the bathroom and shoved my head under a stream of cold water.

‘He’s not here. He doesn’t have you, dipshit. You’re safe. You are safe,’ I told myself.

“Are you alright…?” came a soft voice, sound almost shy.

“Fuck! Shit! Ow…” I groaned, holding the back of my head that I dumbly sent into the faucet. “I’m good. I’m okay. I’m _dandy_.” That did the trick. Snapped me out of it enough that the urge to hurl disappeared. But it didn’t calm my hands, fumbling through the shaking in an attempt to turn off the water.

I hadn’t expected Bucky to follow or for him to be looming in the bathroom doorway. I quickly grabbed a towel off the rack and wrapped it around my neck in an attempt to hide my hands from those watchful eyes. The blue no longer held the air of a lost child. They were haunted.

“I’m terribly sorry for the rude wake up call.” I could almost kick myself for how my voice cracked.

“Why was I… on your be – ” He gasped, eyes going wide, muscles tensing. “Why didn’t you run?” He remembered last night, I guess?

“‘Cause I can’t? Bum leg and all.”

“You ran in here.”

I guess I did. “And it hurts like hell now,” I grumbled. Everything hurt. My body was not happy with me. At all.

His frown only grew by the second. I tried to ignore his intense glare by squeezing water out of my hair.

“Look, nothing happened last night. You had a nightmare. We watched a movie and passed out.”

He took a step into the bathroom, and I matched one away, swallowing a groan of pain at the use of my unhappy ankle.

“You’re scared.”

“I thought someone else was on the bed, so I’m a little shaky. Sorry,” I half retorted. It took everything I had to hold my ground at his next steps. Backing myself into a corner was not an option I liked. But it’s not like I could throw myself out the bathroom window. A .50 caliber wouldn’t even make it through that. Made damn sure of it. And passing through a wall of solid muscles, that just wasn’t happening.

“You were scared last night. I could see it in your body language and eyes.”

“Ehh, I would put it under wariness?” I tried to shift my shoulders into a shrug, play the nonchalant card with a flippant wave of a hand.

“Why didn’t you leave?” he questioned, voice just above a whisper, a heavy thud echoing each of his steps. “She told you to leave. Warned you of what I’ve done. What I could have done to you.” The slight shift in his typically demure posture, the mere straightening of his spine, and I was faced with a predator towering over me. “You should have _listened_ to her.”

His presence practically choked the air out of the bathroom. I hadn’t backed myself into a corner, but it sure as hell felt like I did. Couldn’t tell if he was trying to intimidate me into running away or answering him properly. With a deep inhale, I forced my eyes to meet his, trying to feign some sort of backbone. That was when I spotted the tousled mess that was his hair in the periphery of my vision, which he filled with how close he was. I clung onto the distraction. It was just enough to let me function.

Finding my voice, I replied as casually as I could. “As if I could leave. You sounded like you were being hacked into piece – ” I hissed painfully when he grabbed my left elbow.

His grip turned feather light, gingerly shifting my arm until I could see my elbow with ease. The little bruises from last night were covered by his hold. “It matches perfectly…. I did this. I hurt you.” His shoulders slumped, the threatening air deflating right out of him. He tried to make himself smaller. Didn’t help he was the biggest thing around at the moment.

“Little things,” I waved off and he let my elbow slip from his hold. “…You’re not going to cut yourself open again, right?”

He didn’t answer. Merely clenched his jaw. I could hear the grinding of his teeth. His hand dropped, his nails likely marring the skin of his palms with the white knuckled fist he made. His eyes skirted to the side, refusing to meet mine.

I grabbed his collar, pulling him down closer, but he didn’t budge. I ended up on my toes instead. He stared back with surprise. “Don’t you _dare_ hurt yourself, Bucky. It’s just a small bruise. It’s nothing.” Those blue eyes were so conflicted. “Bucky….”

“ _If you two are finished being weird, Mr. Barnes, would you mind bringing in the things at the backdoor?_ ” Eve interrupted.

The man took a large step back, escaping my fingers, and walked out the bathroom.

“Bucky!! You will not harm yourself!” I yelled after him, stumbling a couple of steps before my knees gave out. “Eve, keep an eye on him.”

“ _I can, but you might want to put on shorts._ ” That would be a good idea. “ _And maybe actually send a reply to Devon soon,_ ” she added with the earpiece that managed to stay in my ear through my sleep.

“Oh damn, I forgot about him.” I scrambled for my phone lying on the floor.

“ _That’s a first,_ ” Eve laughed. “ _…Do you still think it’s safe being his friend?_ ”

“He wasn’t going to hurt me.” Even if he came off more threatening than the asshats who actually caused me harm.

“ _You can’t be sure of that_.”

“Bucky doesn’t want to hurt anybody, Eve.”

“ _It’s not that simple._ ”

“But it really is. That’s all that matters,” I stated, trying to stomp down the little voice in the back of my head nagging about how he saw me as his handler, at least for last night. Even if that were the case, there was no need for him to handle me like I was a fragile sugar sculpture. It’s surprising how gentle he could be. There’s never been any harm done on purpose. He didn’t want to hurt anybody.

“ _You naïve_ idiot _._ ”

Shaking off the topic, I checked my notifications on my phone. Two new messages from Boston Cream.

_Are you drunk?_

_Did you pass out?_

‘The fuck? Why is he checking in with me now of all times? How much do I tell him? Urgh…. It’s not like I actually know what the fuck’s going on.’ Unlocking the phone, I was met with Bucky’s reply that he wrote in my place.

_Sorry it took me so long to reply, Devon. You know how it is. Busy as usual. Had to turn down several invitations from others. Though I think I have time on the 20 th. I’d love to go with you and maybe grab a bite as well? _

‘…What the fuck? How many guys am I juggling?’ I couldn’t help the little laughing sigh. This was still far more eloquent than the blabbering mess I threw at Devon when I asked him out.

“What is all this?” I heard Bucky’s deep voice ask from downstairs.

“ _Supplies. To fix the mess Val made. The both of you will help with repairs._ ”

“What repairs?” I had to wonder how much he remembered of last night.

I quickly typed in a semi coded message back to Devon.

_5K My friend sent that. Haha fish. Congrats on the gig. I seriously want to go but it’s unlikely that I can make it. Sorry sloth._

Wiggling into a pair of shorts, I yelled out, “Bucky, could you throw some bread into the toaster?! I’m going to take a look at the damage I did!”

“What did you do?” he asked. A beep spoke of the toaster starting its work.

“Uhhh… You may or may not want to use another bedroom?” Making my way down the hall, I frowned. “I don’t want to do electrical repairs….”

“ _You should have thought of that before you sent your crutch through my servo rig._ ”

“I thought you said you could open the door.”

“ _Yes. With the strength of a feeble child._ ”

I wouldn’t mind that. It’d stop her from slamming the door into me.

Scooting closer to the hole in the wall, I frowned at the sparking wires. “Yo, cut the power to here.” This was simple enough if I sort out the tangled mess of wires.

“…What happened here?”

I couldn’t help but jump at Bucky’s voice coming from directly behind me. I was willing to bet that he could move without a sound even if I tagged him with a bell.

“Eve and I had a fight?” I offered, quickly taking stock of his movements and body.

“…I didn’t hurt myself,” he mumbled, sitting down next to me.

I glanced his way, sending him a small smile.

Those blue eyes searched my face for a moment before dropping down to where my elbow might be. The bruised one. “Valeriy…” he called out softly.

I startled, too used to only hearing my full first name laced with aggravation. Not like this. It was… nice.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it.” I flashed him a toothy grin, waving a hand dismissively. “We’re even with how I woke you up.”

“You’re still upset,” he mumbled, looking very much like a kicked puppy.

I rolled my eyes, turning my attention to the hole in the wall. It’s almost routine to let the fear be swallowed up by anger. An escape. “It’s got nothing to do with you, Bucky.” I motioned to the wires. “I gave up all this for a reason. I can’t handle the mem – ” I couldn’t finish the word.

Bucky’s eyes dropped down to his metal arm. The fingers twitched. A spark of blue light peeked out between the plates of his wrist, the only bit of his arm that wasn’t covered in clothing.

“It’ll be fixed. They’re not going to get to you,” I assured, my stomach giving an unpleasant flop at the notion. “I can do it.”

Neither Eve nor I wanted to bring anyone else in. Not when he’s being hunted by the people who lived unknown inside SHIELD for so long. The less people involved the better for all parties.

I forced a cheerful grin. “Why don’t you go eat breakfast first? You must be hungry. I’m going to try and get this done first.” Useless to eat anything that would just come up again.

With a smooth sway of his body, Bucky stood up. At least, he wasn’t moving automatically like he did under orders as he made his way downstairs. The way he moved had such a grace to it. It was like watching a tiger stalk its prey on the NatGeo. Would not mind watching him pointlessly wander about. Too bad his time was mostly spent staring out the windows.

Huffing the anger back into place, I dug through the box Bucky brought up. A few tools and spare wires. I got down to work rewiring the stupid servos.

“ _A bit rusty, but you still have your speed,_ ” Eve teased on the speakers after a few minutes.

“Oh shut the fuck up.” The faster I got this done, the sooner I could shove everything to the back of my head. A small part of me was glad that this was simple work, and that even after a few years, my fingers still didn’t find the movements foreign. “You’re distracting me.”

“ _Just so you know, your toast is going to get cold._ ”

“Don’t want to eat. Don’t want to do anything.” At this point, I knew I was being a little whiny brat, but I honestly just didn’t want to deal with coming nightmares. ‘I wonder how many days I can go without sleep.’

“ _Your blood sugar is low. You should eat._ ”

“I. Don’t. Want. To. _Eat_ ,” I growled, stripping the end of a new wire and soldering it into place. ‘That should be the last one,’ I thought, giving the mess a once over. Eve even flapped Bucky’s door a couple of times to confirm.

“ _It’s right next to you, dumbass._ ”

I quickly glanced around me.

She wasn’t kidding. There was a plate of toast soaked in butter and a little dollop of ketchup. That was when I heard the soft sound of something being sawed from inside of the bedroom. Probably dry wall.

“Thank you, Bucky. For breakfast.”

The sawing paused for a couple of seconds and then continued. He heard the words.

It was bafflingly amazing, to be honest. That Bucky still had the capacity for kindness. In his own gruff way. Little things he’d do to help out. Sometimes it was getting something off the top shelf when I was hopping around like an idiot. Other times, he’d check on my ankle to see how it was healing. He was probably going to frown at it during the next checkup.

Maybe it’s why I didn’t run last night.

After all the shit he’s been forced through, the man was a hero at the end of the day. One stuck in a war with his own mind while demons haunted him.

Maybe I could find the balls to face mine while fixing that arm of his. He’s worth it.

“ _It’s noon. Damn it._ ”

 

******

 

“I haven’t left Headquarters in over a year,” Amber’s voice stated through my earpiece. “I am going to this symposium.”

Bucky was asleep upstairs and I figured waking him with a stranger’s voice on the speakers would be a poor choice. He’s been kind of mopey, barely talking for most of the day. He could use a break after last night and this morning.

I could too, but alas, would not be able to live with myself if anything happened to my best friend. “I don’t get how you could go there after what happened _last time_.”

“I have it on good authority that I have one of the best security teams in the world,” Amber chimed lightly.

“No duh, made damn sure of that,” I muttered.

“I’ll stick to the guidelines you all put together. Everything will be _fine_. So stop worrying about it. Anything new since your melt down? Cabin fever set in yet?”

I couldn’t help the shrug even if she couldn’t see it. “Devon checked up on me? First time since we broke up. Weird timing. Been trying to since a week after the whole shit storm. Gave me 24 hours to respond.”

“What are you going to tell him?”

“Told him 5K fish sloth.”

“I get the something’s fishy and not to do anything part, but is 5K a typo?”

“How the fuck do I typo my speech?”

“Isn’t it supposed to be 0K?”

“Oh… 5’s in the middle of the scale so we use it as the situation can go either way. The K’s there to let him know I’m okay, for now – Oh my god, there are so many bloody windows…. Why do you have to go back there?” I groaned, glaring up at the hologram of the Convention Centre Dublin and its cylinder of windows right where the escalators and foyers were. The exposure made me just want to pull my hair out in frustration. “Can I just invite all the people you want to talk to your plac – ”

“No.” She even laughed at my grumbling. “Should you really be worrying over my security detail when yours is so lacking? I’m not the one in the chatter.”

“Which isn’t saying much of anything. Usually by now, I’d have a better idea of what’s going on. But nope. Could barely even piece together that a “ _kidnaping_ ” was supposed to happen. And the new team with me? They’re useless. Didn’t help the bloody lot of them got fucking food poisoning the night before. Got left sprinting about on my own….”

“ _Hey, what am I? Chopped liver?_ ” Eve huffed on the speakers as I impatiently poked at the still cooking cup noodles. “ _We’ll see how you do without me next time, Val._ ”

“Fine. Got left sprinting on my own with Eve in my ear. _Better_?”

Laughter rung from Amber’s end. “The two of you are pretty stressed out, huh? I still find it rather ridiculous that my security is better than yours. It’s your company.”

“Ayers Corp isn’t mine.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at that faded notion.

“You are one of the heirs.”

“…Yo, you’re one of the brightest innovative minds we have. If they could make use of everything you made, you’d probably make them the most money,” I reminded her. “We’d be utter _idiots_ if we left you to fend for yourself. There’s no way your security budget’s lower than my parents’. Gives me a lot of leeway to make sure history _never_ repeats itself.”

“We both know that’s not going to happen again. I’ll be fine. You’ve got my back.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m going to triple your security on this. I don’t know if your files made it to the surface in SHIELD’s fucking shit storm.”

“That’s overkill. Eve would have caught that.”

“It’s a mess out there. There’s a bajillion criminals, who may or may not be “enhanced,” running amuck. Better safe than so – _Shit_!!” I flinched, having spotted Bucky in the doorway. ‘How long has he been standing there?’

“What happened?”

“Urgh nothing.” I tapped my ear and motioning to Bucky not to talk but that he’s welcome to join me in the room. He didn’t. Merely hung out against the doorframe eyeing the holograms almost cautiously. “Caught myself in the bloody reflection,” I lied, giving my cup noodles a stir before digging in.

“You scare so easily,” Amber laughed.

It was difficult trying to hold back my laughter, when Bucky’s face cringed a little at my choice of food. I have no idea what cup noodles did to him, but he did _not_ like the little bowl of heaven. He gave the same expression every damn time I ate it.

A slap sounded in my ear and Amber’s laugh could be heard. “Haha that almost exploded…. Ignore that.”

Bucky’s brow rose, his eyes tearing away from the holograms that filled the entire room. Guess that confirmed his super hearing. Made me rather glad at how poorly he schools his face.

I offered him a shrug and Amber a laugh, before swinging my hands toward each other. At the gesture, the holograms shrunk and zoomed out to a 3D map of Dublin Docklands. A twist of my wrist and it spun. A flick of the wrist pulled us to another part of the city. And then I motioned for him to have at it.

That was enough to coax the now bright eyed Bucky into the room. His hands repeated the various gestures, exploring the city at a dizzying speed. He checked out buildings, parks and monuments. Anything. Everything.

Eve even showed off a little to him, adding in a rendered live feed of the pedestrians and cars in the area, though some areas were spotty from her lack of cameras. Like in people’s homes. A couple of the dogs caught Bucky’s attention. Huskies, Irish Wolfhounds, and a Giant Schnauzer. Judging by his expression, he couldn’t make heads or tails of the little Maltese in a stroller.

“Still there?” Amber asked.

“Huh? Yeah. Sorry. Got lost with searching for potential sniper nests that the others might have missed. Everything needs to be checked out on the days you’re there. The rest should be up to par.”

That got another curious look from Bucky to which I shrugged at and was amazed that he found the convention centre again. For some reason or another, Eve brought up the work we already did on sniper nests, highlighting them in red amongst the blue, likely taking advantage of Bucky’s set of skills.

“I fucking shouldn’t be stuck in here,” I griped, probably pouting like a small child going by Eve’s exaggerated sigh. My brain needed a break from all this. “So? Anything new with your projects?”

“Just finished one. Made a chameleon that actually does what they can do in cartoons. Cuttlefish are fun little creatures. Wonder what else I should shove their genes into. Send you a video when I get a chance…. I need to deal with this thing. It won’t stop multiplying. Pretty sure it’s going to explode and cause a pandemic or something.”

“Yeah okay. Talk to you later. Bye bye.”

“Bye bye.” With that, the line went dead.

I pulled out the earbud. “Sorry about that, Bucky.”

He shook his head, eyes focused on the various buildings. “Who was that?”

“Hmm? My best friend. Amber.” I couldn’t help but laugh at Bucky’s nose wrinkling in distaste when he glanced my way. “Yo, don’t knock cup noodles until you’ve tried it.”

He merely shook his head, frowning even more.

“…But… But cup noodles….”

Another shake of his head, going back to the blue outlines of buildings. “It reminds me of what they fed me.”

“…Why the hell would they feed you the least healthy thing?”

“It wasn’t noodles…. They added hot water to plastic pouches. It’s a big pile of mush. I have no idea what it’s made up of.”

‘Oh that sounds absolutely disgusting. I should probably stop eating this instant stuff.’ To stop reminding him of that mush and eating it every day couldn’t be good for me.

“I couldn’t handle solids for some time after I… St… after St – ” He was going to chew his lip bloody at the rate he was gnawing into it, or set the carpet on fire with how hard he was glaring. His brow knitted together, either struggling to say the name or trying to deal with a painful memory. “…I stuck with soup until… the sandwich.”

I ran with his slight change of topic, hoping to lighten up the tension. “I could use one right now. A pulled pork sandwich. You?”

He gave a nod, the air around him feeling far lighter than a moment ago. His attention returned to the holograms. “These six buildings need to be added.”

“…Those are over 2750 meters.” I hadn’t come across any shootings beyond 2700 meters in my years of searching so we only covered that range.

“ _The farthest building Mr. Barnes pointed to is 3650 meters away._ ”

Bucky’s eyes dropped to the floor that he toed at. “I can make the shot,” he admitted through gritted teeth, fighting to get the words out.

Panic made my blood run cold. Dread built up to my throat. So thick I couldn’t even breathe.

“It’d be difficult if the target moves, but the movements are predictable.”

‘Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.’

“…Valeriy?”

I flinched back into reality. “What’s your range?” were the first words spat out of my mouth.

“What?” He backed away, glancing towards the doorway.

“What’s your range, Bucky? Do you know? To say… hit a bear sized target anywhere, in perfect conditions, from whatever height, with whatever rifle you like.”

Nervously biting his lip, he thought about it for a stress inducing minute. “4500 meters.”

“Shit. _Fuck_. Okay.” I turned away from Bucky, my heart pounding in the pit of my stomach, and focused on the camera in the room. “ _Eve_!! Upda – ”

“ _Oh calm the fuck down. The both of you_ ,” Eve stated exasperatedly. “ _If you’ve forgotten, our 2750 meter range covers more than enough time for me to hear, process and have a team tackle the intended target. Anything over 5 seconds and we’re good. I’ll drop ears in those buildings. If that would ease your worries._ ”

“Y-yeah… okay, do that,” I agreed, trying to calm down. One glance at my friend and I couldn’t help the wince. “Oh god. I’m so sorry, Bucky,” I quickly apologized.

His posture was so slumped over that if he wasn’t sitting on his legs, Bucky would be curled up in a ball. He basically shrank into himself.

“I didn’t mean to freak out on you like that. But thank you _so_ much for telling me.”

His eyes darted up to my face and I gave a soft smile, keeping it apologetic. He relaxed after a few seconds.

“Eve?” I called out. “Extend the range for my parents as well. They’re in the most danger at the moment.”

The huff that came out of Bucky could almost be mistaken as half a laugh. “You’re stuck in a house with two ghosts and _they’re_ the ones in most danger?”

“Hey now, I’m pretty sure a ghost makes more sound than you do.” I beamed a grin at him.

He shook his head with a heavy sigh. “I can take a look at your parents’ area…?”

“ _I have it handled,_ ” Eve cut in. “ _You gave us the range. There’s no need to waste your time, Mr. Barnes._ ”

I sighed, frowning a tad. “Just humou – ”

“I-I can help,” Bucky blurted out, his voice bordering on desperation. “I can be of use.”

“ _You’re already helping, Mr. Barnes._ ”

‘The fuck’s going on?’ Between Bucky begging to be of help and Eve _not_ taking advantage of him, it took a moment for me to realize what Eve was up to.

Suddenly the buildings shifted into a beach in Hawaii, one of our properties. “ _Val’s brother, we could use some help with his area. Trees prove a little troublesome for me on short notice._ ”

“He’s not there at the moment,” I cut in. Not a lie, and I wasn’t worried about my brother. There wouldn’t be snipers to worry about where he was nor was he like the others I care about. “Can leave that for later.” He’d eventually wind up there, depends on where the parents want to spend the holidays.

Bucky’s determination focused on me, turning away from Eve’s camera. Oh he was _not_ happy with my suggestion. “I can help,” he practically huffed.

“Been wanting to show this to you, Bucky, before I forget.” I rapidly flicked my hands together a few times, zooming us out into the skies and beyond.

The stars of a shrunken Milky Way surrounded us in all its bright colours. Farther out were the other galaxies. Space was our best distraction from whatever it was Eve thought Baku might trigger a flashback in Bucky, and he took the bait beautifully, looking around in awe. He even got onto his feet to walk through it.

“We can’t get details like on Earth, but you can move around the place. Or ask Eve for an area. It’s faster than trying to scroll through the empty spaces. Oh and there’s a program thing where you can move the stars around. Just a fun interaction thing. No purpose to it.” None anymore. A once romantic gesture….

At his bight eyed stare, I couldn’t help the laugh as I signaled Eve to activate it. A flick of my fingers at a bright dot to show him what I meant and a star shot off through the couch.

Bucky experimentally waved his good arm and the stars moved as if they were underwater, floating away. He cradled a handful of stars in his hands and brought it close to his face, blowing them right out with a breath. All done through Eve watching his movements and rendering the correct responses.

Almost took a good minute for his body language to relax from how wound up he was. How he didn’t have whiplash from all the moods he’s been going through in the span of 16 hours was amazing. Panicky to playful to intimidating to mopey to desperate to curious.

It could have something to do with his reflections in his notebooks. In the moments when he was be sitting nearby consumed with writing, he’d get frustrated with himself and how most of his words came out in Russian. There was what I believed to be German sprinkled here and there. English made an appearance at least once a page, from what he let me see.

Also caught a glimpse of some rough sketches. A human face. Captain Rogers… _probably_ …. If he were fused with his helmet and became half demonic. Clearly, Hydra’s been messing with more than just his body. To have his best friend’s face warped into…. No wonder he’s having nightmares.

‘If he can keep fighting his scrambled mind… maybe it’s time I faced my fears.’ I could feel my gut flopping about at the mere thought of it.

Picking up the tiny flat head screw and the reverse tweezers, I called out, “Bucky?”

He hummed out his response, his eyes settling on my face.

I dropped a cushion in front of me on the floor and gave it a pat. “Come here. Going to remove the G.P.S. chip in the bracelet thing.”

Going by how Eve wasn’t bitching about what I was planning to do, this was what she wanted of me. Whatever’s going on, the ones after me, and maybe those after Bucky, they had the means to access our chips. That’s going to be problematic.

Bucky nodded and settled down on the cushion, forking over his good arm with the bracelet Eve practically tagged him with. He tensed up when I propped up my knee to support his arm, but otherwise stayed still as I tried to get the tiny screw to cooperate.

When I got the faceplate of the right bead removed, he asked, “Could you remove the tracker in my arm as well?”

“…Not with these crap ass tools from the dollar store,” I responded, looking up from the tiny circuits that just made me queasy. “These are clunky as fuck and conduct electricity. Don’t want to fuck up your arm even more. We have spares of these bracelets. Got no spare arms lying about, from what I know. It’s like trying to do brain surgery with a bloody cleaver if I use these on your arm.”

“Oh….”

“ _There are a couple more tools I need to collect, Mr. Barnes, and unlike the bracelet, we don’t know what exactly is in that arm of yours. We best be prepared._ ”

Bucky breathed out a soft huff, glaring at his metal arm. “I hate this thing.” His fist clenched tightly, his knuckles popping.

I gave his right arm what I hoped to be a comforting squeeze, before going back to the bracelet. It was difficult, trying to shake off the chills settling in my stomach.

Quite a bit changed with the internals of the bracelets over the years. Things were more compacted. There were more features. Half of which were useless to Bucky. But it was confusing to sort out and locate the chip I was looking for. It all brought up memories of a time when I couldn’t freely move my hands, a chain ringing at my ears. Then a bone chilling darkness –

‘NOPE!’

Scrambling onto my feet, I raced for the bathroom trying to hold it down.

“ _So… she managed to knock the screw into the carpet. Good luck finding it, Mr. Barnes._ ”

 

******

 


	9. Bucky Barnes - Smoked Twisted Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter makes me wish I used chapter titles.... Could have called this Smoke Twisted Memories. 
> 
> T^T
> 
> (July 15th, 2017 Edit: I decided to use chapter names!! So I get to use Smoke Twisted Memories!! YAY!)
> 
> (Nov 1st, 2017 Edit: Sooooo, I just learned that uptalk is a thing.....  
> Val's ? is her speaking in questions. She's either confused, completely unsure or sarcastic as fuck. )

 

******

 

_“STEVE!!! Steve!?! Please…. Please… Steve…. It’s so cold…. Can’t feel anything…. Where are you…? Don’t want to be here anymore…. Don’t leave me… St….”_

_Darkness cleared into a few blindingly bright lights._

_“Sergeant Barnes.”_

_‘N-no…. Not him. Please….’_

_An electrical saw screamed at my ears only to be drowned out by my own._

_“NOT MY ARM!!!!!”_

_They’re taking it. All over again._

_“STE – !!!”_

_A force slammed right into my gut. Wind rushed past me. Chilling right down to the bones. Desperately, I reached out. Metal found its way under my fingers. A bar. It froze my skin. Numbing my hand. The frost made it slippery. But I had to hang on. I had to. I had to retur –_

_“Let go!”_

_A man in red, white and blue held onto the side of the train. Fire breathed out of his mouth as he yelled more words. Words I couldn’t understand. Horns pushed through the blue helmet. Bloody worms burst out of his left eye. He moved closer and closer, crawling along the outside of the car wall._

_Something’s off. ‘This isn’t right.’_

_I clung harder. I had to return ho –_

_A scream tore from my throat. The metal rod broke free. The faster the wind blew past me, the smaller the demon shrunk. Right into the distance._

_My body spun out of control. The cliffs got too close. My hand got caught between the rocks. Broke my bones. Ripped off part of my arm._

_“Eleven targets,” a man stated. Someone to watch over logistics. “Get it done.”_

_A Barrett M82A1 laid snug in its case. Ready._

_Setting up was simple. Routine. I could do it in my sleep. Lying on a metal table. Finding the boardroom._

_A calm breath left my lips. My body completely stilled. The target. A couple miles away. He settled in my crosshairs. He had no clue. No idea as to what his future held. How short it actually was. All the target knew was the scotch. The drink he was pouring for himself._

“No!” I gasped, sitting up right. A vibration getting stronger and stronger on my right wrist.

“ _Mr. Barnes. Mr. Barnes, you’re in my house. You’re in D.C. Can you hear me, Mr. Barnes? I am Eve. You’re in my house. You’re in D.C. Can you hear me?_ ”

“Yes,” I breathed out, barely able to pry my fingers from their death grip on the blanket.

“ _How about some water?_ ” she suggested, stopping the vibrating alarm to wake me.

I snatched the bottle off the nightstand. My shaking hands were barely able to twist off the cap. They crushed the plastic mid drink, spilling water everywhere. Even went up my nose.

“ _Is everything alright, Mr. Barnes? Your heartrate’s gotten more erratic._ ”

Through my coughing, I managed to choke out a, “I’m fine.”

“ _If there’s anything I could be with help with, Eve’s the word,_ ” she repeated like she had ever since Valeriy told the A.I. ghost to leave me alone, which she has. Anything beyond the bedroom door, though, was her domain.

Peeling off the water soaked blanket and gathering it in my arms, I headed off into the bathroom to hang the fabric over the curtain rod to dry. It was almost routine by now.

I peeked out of the curtains at the dark street lit by lamps. Another quiet night. No extra shadows. Nobody wandering around, as it should be. Most were asleep at 0427. Except for a few people.

A steady beat could barely be heard. A couple houses away. Probably music of some sort. The beat would change every so often.

Keys tapping on a laptop and a frustrated growl in the room next to this one. Valeriy’s still awake. The young woman never had a regular sleeping cycle.

A dim light in the window across the road. Likely the young boy of the household reading under a blanket with a light. The idea of it was almost… familiar.

Like a memory I could almost grasp. A blanket tossed over my head. A lamp to light the dark space. A heavy book in my lap. Words filled my vision, etching themselves into my –

A slam of the laptop closing signaled Valeriy’s retreat to the land of dreams. “Night Eve.”

“ _Good night, Val._ ”

And the nightmare came crashing back into my mind. Curling up in the corner was all I could manage to hold it all together. Everything felt cold. Numb. My vision was narrowing to a point. All I could hear was my blood pumping at my ears.

That made me a useless asset. To be decommissioned.

‘I need to be of use. Or… Or they’ll – ’

“ _Mr. Barnes? Is something the matter? Not to be dramatic, but your heartrate has skyrocketed, and your oxygen levels have plummeted._ ”

I shook my head, pulling in a gasping breath. Desperately trying to calm down. To get everything back to normal. Waiting for my sight to clear up. Waiting for my lungs to stop screaming. Waiting for the next time I lose it all.

“ _Mr. Barnes? Shall I pull up our satellite feed of deep space? Would that help?_ ” she questioned, a soft musical tune flowing through the speakers under her voice. Something classical.

“I’m… I’m fine. You don’t have to baby me,” I grunted out. Letting the sniper training slam into place, I waited for the little lights on the bracelet to turn off. For my body to return to peace.

“ _Babying you would be quite different. This is merely holding out a hand. None of this is easy even with help. It’s damn near impossible alone, Mr. Barnes._ ”

I huffed a grumble in response, reaching for the notebook on the night table. If I could write it all out, the nightmares, maybe they’d stop. Or at least quiet down. Hopefully. Anything for my mind to find a figment of peace.

“ _Your levels seem fine now, so as usual, if there’s anything I could be with help with, Eve’s the word._ ”

I cracked open the notebook and frowned at the Cyrillic letters that covered the pages. It sickened me how natural it was once writing became familiar again. No matter how I tried for English, Russian would seamlessly take over before I knew it.

With a sigh, I flipped to a clean page. Taking pen to paper, I began logging the nightmare. Most of it memories. But parts of it… it couldn’t have happened. Shooting American soldiers in the war.

‘I couldn’t have done that… right? I didn’t shoot my own brothers in arms… did I…? I… I… might have…?’

It hurt just trying to sort out the mess in my head. The memories I could barely grasp onto. The ones that I could… I couldn’t trust. Not completely. They’ve been twisted by Hydra. Or so I hope.

 

******

 

1522 and the only thing I was almost sure of was that _he_ didn’t breathe fire. It would have been useful on the Helicarrier. Nor did he have horns. I didn’t see any horns. Not on his helmet. Not on his head. The exhibit pictures and films didn’t have any fire breathing or horns.

The man the exhibit said was my best friend. He wasn’t the demon in my nightmares. I could at least be sure of that. Some part of me knew that was true.

_I need to protect St_

“ _Fuck_! My eyes!!” were the words that froze my fingers on the page.

A heavy sigh spilled through the kitchen speakers. “ _I believe you have more than your eyes to worry about, dummy._ ”

A clattering of metal on metal echoed from below. “Ah shit… my hand.” I could almost see the pout on her face, as the faucet ran.

Placing the pen and notebook back in their spots, I stretched out my arms and legs for the first time in eleven hours and four minutes. That was when I noticed the delicious smell that permeated the room. Something sweet. Something almost familiar.

Rising from the corner of the bedroom, I silently followed my nose. Straight into the kitchen, where Valeriy was bent over the sink. Not a clue that I was there. Too busy with a hand under the running water and her other arm over her eyes.

Stepping into the room, I found the source of the smell. Scattered on a metal tray were a bunch of slightly charred cookies. Chocolate chip cookies. Excitement welled up somewhere inside me. Something from long ago. In another time. In another life.

This didn’t feel right. It didn’t look right. I should be shorter. Much shorter. Kneeling on the tiles, that seemed more familiar. Having my chin level with the counter. That was closer. I reached my hand out for a cookie only to see a flash of a wooden spoon smacking a little hand. My hand. Yelled words were garbled at my ears, but even so, I knew they were a warning. That the cookies needed to cool.

A memory.

It had to be a memory.

The voice felt important. Something that left a warmth within my chest. I reached for the cookies again. Hoping to hear it. To find the words it spoke.

Nothing.

I tried again.

It was somebody important to me. I could feel it. Somewhere in my sieve of a mind, I knew. But that’s all I knew. That they were important.

“Valeriy,” I called out urgently. I needed to know. Before it all disappears… again.

A scream tore out of her throat. “Bucky? What is it?” she asked, squinting her eyes in my direction.

“I need you to smack my hand with a wooden spoon.” I reached out, praying to just pinpoint another fragment of that memory. Still nothing.

“Huh…? O-okay?” A drawer opened to my left and the young woman hobbled her way over to it.

“ _That’s a brush, Val. One to the right. No, the other right._ ”

“Thanks, Eve.” Valeriy settled against the counter next to me. “I just whack it?” At my nod, she flicked her wrist and the wooden spoon bounced off my outstretched hand with a slight sting.

“Again.”

Nothing.

“Again. Again….”

Still nothing.

“It’s not working,” I managed to force through my gritted teeth.

“It’ll come back, Bucky.” Fingers combed through my hair. Pushing it out of my face.

I reeled back, away from her. Away from those fingers. Slamming into the cupboards in my attempt.

_“Bucky, you can lick the bowl instead,” a voice echoed in my head._

And that was when it hit me.

“Mom.”

It was my mom.

I remembered my mom.

That was all I could remember of her. Not even a face. Just a voice and a spoon. But it was something. It was my _mom_.

By the time I pulled myself back together again, Valeriy was back at the sink, rinsing her hand and rubbing her eyes. Took two steps to reach her from the kitchen corner I ended up in. My hand froze in the air between us.

Break the skull on the counter. Target incapacitated.

Fill the sink. Shove head under water. Target incapacitated.

There was far too many things that could be used in a kitchen and there were far too little she could do against me. My own mind still unsettled me with how it kept coming up with ways to kill her. But in the same breath, I didn’t want to hurt her. I don’t want to hurt anybody. Not anymore.

Dropping my hand to my side in a tight fist, I cleared my throat. To which Valeriy flinched at. Likely unsuspecting that I would be standing next to her. Far too unguarded.

“More spoon whacking?” she asked lightly.

“Let me see them.”

“The spoon?”

“Enough with the spoon. Your burns, Valeriy.”

“Oh.” She tilted her head back, trying to keep her eyes from blinking. “Please tell me I didn’t cook my eyeballs. I remember the egg demonstration in chemistry. Everything’s blurry.”

I caught her arm before she could continue rubbing her eyes. “They’re going to be fine. If you stop irritating them. That help the panic?”

She chuckled shakily. One of her nervous ticks. A moment to gather herself. Buy a bit of time. But she nodded, as I soaked a paper towel in cold water. “Thanks, Bucky.”

Getting her to hold the paper towel to her eyes, I pulled her hand out of the stream of water. “That should help it a bit.” An angry blister welled up on the side of her index finger. I had a sinking suspicion she forgot what an oven mitt was. “Keep it under the tap for another twelve minutes. At the very least.”

“‘Kay,” she chirped with a soft smile.

“So what’s the cookies for?”

“For you.”

“Me?”

“Yup. All yours. I’ve been a temperamental asshat the last few days. Sorry. And I was looking for a dish from the 1930s last night but got side tracked by sweets. Ended up in Marshmallow’s recipes. I don’t know if they’re from the right time, but they’re like old. So maybe the 40s? Don’t know if her parents passed them down to her, so they could be super old?”

“Who’s Marshmallow?” I asked, walking back over to the kitchen island. There was dough left in the mixing bowl.

“Uhhh… my grandmother. We don’t really talk about her, so my brother and I exclusively call her Marshmallow. We don’t talk about our aunt either… since they both died….”

“…Do all of you have sweets for nicknames?” Glancing from Valeriy to the cameras in the room, I shrugged and dunked a finger into the bowl of cookie dough for a taste.

“Pretty sure all of them are sweet related things?”

‘Yum.’ I couldn’t resist and helped myself to more, hoping for a memory to come within reach.

“I may steal a cookie or two from you, Bucky. I should probably check that they’re edible.”

I hummed a response since my mouth was full of cookie dough and the bowl was now empty. I couldn’t manage to grasp onto any new memories. All of them feeling so far out of reach.

Gathering the various cups and spatulas, I made quick work of clean up. It’d hide the fact I practically licked the bowl clean. “Still got another ten minutes under the tap,” I chided when she tried to move away, and dropped everything into the sink.

She took a deep breath in. “You enjoy sneaking up on people, don’t you?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said. “Thank you. For the cookies.”

Valeriy flashed a grin. “Have you snuck one yet?”

“No. Have to wait for them to cool.”

“Sounds like a smart idea.”

Silence fell between us.

It was nice. I almost felt like I could be human. Trapped in this house. It was so different here. I wasn’t pointed at targets to shoot. To kill. I was told to protect. I helped the A.I. ghost evaluate the security on a few locations.

She wasn’t too happy about my lack of sleep this morning. She’d prod with words, but never forced me to sleep. If I didn’t listen, I wasn’t wiped. I wasn’t stuffed into a metal box. Just nagged.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when Valeriy’s head set off the sensors on the metal plates of the arm. “I just need a moment, Bucky.” If my hearing wasn’t enhanced, I wouldn’t have heard her over the running water and I would have shifted away. “I don’t do too well not being able to see.”

She gave me the freedom to move around as I pleased in this house. Hadn’t told me to stop scaring her. Even though orders easily slipped through her lips, they were only small little things. Pass the pen. Get out of the bathroom. Didn’t want someone to hold her hair. Little things.

For the most part, I could do whatever I wanted. If I wanted right now, I could walk away from her and she wouldn’t stop me. We’re… _friends_.

But how long could this last? With Hydra on my tail. It was only a matter of time before they located me. And with Hydra in my head, I could easily destroy this fragile place with my own hands. They shouldn’t have placed their trust in something like me.

“Thanks Bucky.” Valeriy straightened up, trying to stretch out only to wince. Her left lower ribs were hurt. Noticed it in what I could remember of that night. But I couldn’t remember what I did and I was too scared to ask. Part of me wanted to pretend she ran into the kitchen island. Ran full force into it. By accident.

Looking for a distraction, my eyes landed on a bowl of peeled orange slices. They were… odd. Oddly small. About the size of my thumb. Oddly colored. Purple. Not orange. The peel wasn’t orange either. It was red. But she ate them almost every day.

With a shrug, I popped a slice into my mouth, breaking the skin with my teeth. An explosion of sweet juice coated the inside of my mouth. I’d either forgotten what an orange tasted like or this was made of sugar. Besides the shape and texture, I wouldn’t have guessed this to be an orange.

‘The future’s weird….’

But I couldn’t help but eat another one. As odd as they were, they were as good as candy.

“Still another three minutes and sixteen seconds,” I told her and left her side for the tray of cookies. They’ve cooled enough. Probably.

Plucking one from the counter, my hand automatically held one out beside me. A flash of a plaid dress and then it was gone.

‘Who was I passing a cookie to?’

Someone small. Smaller than I was. Back when I was barely taller than a countertop. Done it enough for this to be a seared into my muscle memories.

Ignoring the small tremor in my fingers, I carefully took a bite of the cookie I needed to give to somebody else. The crispy outside melted into the gooey center. The chips hadn’t had the time to settle back to solid. Each bite lightly burned the insides of my mouth but it also returned a sliver of a memory.

A smiling brunette. Not a hair out of place. Lips painted red.

Three little girls. In three little dresses. Plaid. Flowers. Frills. Ribbons. And big blue eyes.

A scrawny blond. Chocolate smudge on a cheek. Grinning from ear to ear. A laugh.

I knew them. I knew all of them. I knew I knew them. But trying to place them was like trying to grab smoke. No matter how I tried. I couldn’t.

I needed another. I needed those memories. I needed to know who they were to me. I tore into another cookie. Frantic. Then another. And another. And another.

“Bucky.”

My head snapped up at the name. I hadn’t heard her approaching. Too distracted. But there she was, standing in front of me.

“She’s not going anywhere, Bucky,” she whispered so softly.

Valeriy reached up, and I froze. The back of her fingers swept up my cheek. They were wet…? Her thumb swept across just under my lashes.

“You’ll remember, Bucky. Now, properly chew what’s in your mouth, swallow it down and then breathe,” she ordered.

My body automatically obeyed and before long a gasp filled my lungs. It was a struggle to stay standing there, still, and to not shrug off her hand on my shoulder. The smile she offered blurred… with tears? I was crying?

“There. There. You’ll remember so long as you don’t suffocate on the damn cookies, Bucky. I’ll bake as many as you can eat. So slow down.”

My eyes burned and I couldn’t handle it. Not with her watching. So I ran.

“Bucky! The window’s reinfor… ced…. Just stay in this room.”

I scrambled away from the window. Needed to stay out of sight. Had to hide. I needed to hide.

“ _Glad to know that even you can’t make it through our windows._ ”

“Eve, shut up…. Where the bloody hell is he?”

 _“You told me to shut up._ ”

“ _Really_ not the time.”

I could see Valeriy’s feet limp the opposite way from where I hid. They spun around, paused, and headed straight for me.

Her smiling face appeared in the gap. “Hey there, Bucky. I’m surprised you fit under there. Kind of. Come on. Let’s get this couch off you.”

I shook my head, burying my face behind my arm. “No.” With a grunt from her, the weight on my back disappeared. “I don’t want – ” A blanket hit me in the face and then I was completely covered.

“There. No one can see you. Not even Eve. We won’t let them get to you,” Valeriy stated. “Now would you like to get out from under there before my leg gives up, Bucky?” Her hand wrapped around my wrist, pulling insistently.

I crawled towards her and I could feel her arms come around me, pulling me upright. The couch dropped behind me with a thud. Her hand found mine, holding on tightly.

“Did you dislocate anything?”

I shook my head. Cold air hit my fingers when she peeled back the blanket. I tried to pull my hand back. She was trying to get the bracelet off. “Don’t.”

“It’s okay. I’m just changing it to a chipless one. Took five days, but managed to _finally_ get the GPS out.”

“ _Spent most of it bent over a toilet bowl._ ” They were trying a change of topics. A distraction.

“Not helping,” Valeriy snapped, fixing the new bracelet into place. “They’re not going to find you, Bucky. Eve will have them breaking into their grandparent’s home before they catch wind of where you really are. She’s cheeky like that. So they won’t find you. ‘Kay?”

When she lifted the blanket, letting fresh air inside, I yanked it back down. I didn’t want anybody to see me. Not like this. Barely able to hold it together.

I had expected her to walk away, but she didn’t. Her hands found my head, holding me close. One of them traveled in circles on my back.

“Let it out.”

At the order, I broke. My shoulders shook. My teeth ground together in attempt to swallow a sob. And I leaned into the comfort. Clinging to it with everything I had. Just this once.

‘They’re gone.’

They had to be. That memory had to be from over 80 years ago. They couldn’t be alive anymore.

I was all alone.

But then there was the man I pulled out of the river…. The exhibit said that he was my best friend. He was alive.

“You’re not alone, Bucky.”

 

******

 


	10. Bucky Barnes - Reflections in the Windows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays Everyone!
> 
> Question for people: For the summary section of the chapters, would you like me to put a "Previously" summary? Since personally I abhor spoilers.  
> But if it's a very general (hopefully spoiler free) reminder of the previous chapter, I can do that. 
> 
> I'm planning to post at least once a month. I hope for more. But I don't want to post anything I'm not at least satisfied with.

 

******

 

Gathering the various boxes at the back door, I took a scan of the area. Nothing. Never saw anyone in the backyard. Seemed that the A.I. ghost had timed the drops to when I was asleep. I couldn’t watch the food be delivered. I had no idea who delivered them.

For all I know, they could have poisoned the food. That fact never seemed to have crossed Valeriy’s mind. Blindly trusting whatever the voice in the speakers set up. But so far, I haven’t found anything wrong with the food. Nothing felt off when I ate them. Nobody had showed up to haul me off. Hydra hadn’t been lurking around either.

Almost automatically, I unpacked the box of food. Shelving the non-perishables. Placing the milk, juice, and fruits in the fridge. Left the bread on the counter. Last was a sizeable box with a large V scrawled on the top. Likely for Valeriy.  

She had come down some time this morning. Hadn’t heard her move upstairs and didn’t see her in her room on my way down. But she wasn’t in the living room or the dining room. Checking the basement. Couldn’t find her. She avoided it. Would be unexpected to find her there. And that left the front of house. With the big windows.

I frowned, picking up my pace. Hopeful I could get to her in time. Before somebody saw. Found her outright leaning on the damn window. A tablet on her lap. A phone in her hands. And one of those oddly colored mini orange slices between her teeth. Not a care in the world.

I quickly hauled her off the cushioned window sill and dragged her into the shadows.

“What the bloody hell!?” Valeriy yelped. She hadn’t even realized that I was there until I wrapped an arm around her. “Should you be using that ar – Ow shit.”

The metal arm seized up around her waist, clenching down. It took everything I had to fight through the pain to prevent the wayward weapon from crushing the young woman. She struggled, flailing about trying to push the arm away. To find some breathing room.

By the time the electric current stopped running rampant, we were sprawled over the carpet. “Sorry,” I groaned out, flinching when her arm landed across my chest.

She gave me a pat. “Don’t sweat it, Bucky.” Valeriy sat up, adjusting her shirt and combing her hands through her hair.

Her head could be seen from the street. It wasn’t low enough. So I grabbed her upper arm and dragged her back to safety.

“Seriously? What’s gotten you so bloody wound up?”

“It’s dangerous,” I hissed at her, grinding down on my teeth. I motioned to the window. “You’re out in the open.”

“…Huh?” Valeiry looked away from me to one of the cameras. “Eve, didn’t you explain the windows to him?”

“ _I don’t believe I have…. Nope. Never told him about them. There’s no_ reason _for him to know about them._ ”

“…No wonder you tried running through one the other day,” she muttered with her head in her hands. “Explains all the hiding too….”

“You’ve said they’re reinforced,” I repeated, taking a moment to scan the surroundings. There was nobody. But they could be hidden. Or cameras recording.

“That’s a small part of it. See any reflections of the window out there?”

The rear window of the car parked across the street. Reflected most of the house. I gave her a nod and Valeriy snapped her fingers.

A man, old, short, glasses, walked into the room, standing in the middle of the window. I whipped around, searching for the stranger, but there was nobody there. We were the only two people in the room. We should be the only people in the house.

Looking back at the reflection in the car, I could still see the man. Though now, he was clearly pulling the curtains partially closed. But the curtains weren’t moving beside me. Not a sway to them.

“These windows are soundproof, bulletproof, and unless Eve wants someone to see through it, they’re not going to. Even gets to mess with what people see. To the rest of the world, there’s been a single male, a writer living in here. Not two people hiding away.”

I quickly raked my memories of the recent three weeks for any mention about any of this. The only hint were a few confused eyebrow quirks from Valeriy. “Are all them able to do this?”

“Yup. Even the frosted ones. Probably for consistency. Surprised me that this house is decked out so heavily. Though these are only one way.”

I peered at the seam between the frames and found nothing different. “You can tell? They look like any other window.”

Valeriy gave a soft laugh. “I’d hope I could recognise my own brainchild no matter the iteration or the changes others ma…. Shit. Damn. _Fuck_.”

“ _Did you hit your head and forget how to hold your tongue or do you like shooting yourself in the back, Valeriy?_ ” The A.I. ghost did not sound one bit happy.

“Hmmm?” I hummed distractedly, waving the metal arm around. Not a sign of it in the car reflection. Still completely creepy how there was a man who wasn’t in the room but was there in the reflection.

The young woman sighed heavily, running a hand through her hair. “Only a handful know that…. Damn it. Just don’t tell anyone.” She curled up in a ball, muttering into her elbow. “I can’t deal with the aftermath of people knowing.”

“I don’t have anyone to tell.” Whatever it was that I wasn’t supposed to know.

A small smile tugged on her lips. “I guess, welcome to the very small club? So what’s in the box?”

I grabbed the box nearby, holding it out to her. “This should be for you.”

“Ooo wonder what work I got to do this time. Yay….” Sarcasm dripping from her tone. A second after her hands took the box, it dropped to the floor with a clunk.

I tensed. Was I not supposed to give it to her? Was there something dangerous inside? Judging by how her entire body bristled at the thing, it could have been a bomb, which had been unceremoniously dropped to the floor.

“ _Eve_!!” Valeriy practically seethed. “Why the fuck do you have this!? I threw it out!”

“ _It’s nothing dangerous, Mr. Barnes…. And Val, you better hope you didn’t break anything with that drop. They’re expensive._ ”

“Answer the bloody question!!!”

I backed away from Valeriy and the box. If I moved slowly enough, maybe I wouldn’t be noticed slipping out of the room. If I slipped out, maybe she wouldn’t take her rage out on me.

“ _I thought you might want them back. Someday_.”

“Are you kidding me!? I fucking don’t!!” She’s been moody. She’s been irritated in the last couple of weeks. But not like this. This rage. Huffing, she picked up the box and got onto her feet. “Bucky.”

“Y-yes…?” I responded, freezing on the spot. I was so close. Five steps. Only five more steps and I would have disappeared around the corner.

With an annoyed sigh, she slapped on a grin. “How are you on sleep? Think you can stay up for a few hours?” She seemed almost normal if not for how my gut twisted when I looked at that smile. Still angry.

I gave a nod. A faint memory of cooperation hurting less than resisting.

“Good.” Valeriy practically marched her way past me, grabbing my hand on the way and dragging me after her. Her tight grip on my fingers shook. “Let’s see if we can get that tracker out in one sitting, shall we?”

‘What…?’

She faced me, opening her mouth to say something, but instead, she charged right into the banister, ending up in a curled up ball of pain. She rolled onto her back and looked up at me, notably calming down. “I forgot about my ankle….”

“Whe… where do you want to go?” I asked, carefully.

“My room?”

Silently, I watched her for disapproval as I picked her up. There was none. Just an exhausted expression. Securing her over my shoulder, I made my way upstairs. Didn’t need to risk crushing her with the arm again.

“Thanks, Bucky.”

With every bounce of the box in her hand off my back, I expected pain. A hit. For her to unleash her anger physically. But she didn’t. She didn’t move much, hanging like deadweight on my shoulder. Whatever was inside of the box merely clinked together instead. With every bounce.

The tools finally arrived. It’d be one step closer to being free of them. Free of Hydra. Would be nice to have proper use of a second arm as well.

I could hear her pluck a pair of scissors out of a mug on the table from behind me, and I tensed, waiting for a stab. A cut. But there was none. Not even as I lowered her onto the edge of the unmade bed. She merely offered a tired smile and sliced open the box.

Valeriy carefully picked up a purple toolbox. Practically pristine except for the massive dent in one corner. But none too careful, she tossed it onto the bed, the fury from before flaring up again.

That was when I realised it. “You’re afraid.” That her anger was an attempt at hiding.

“Means I might spend more time in the bathroom than on your arm….” She flipped the box upside down, dumping its contents onto the bed and sorting through them. “Get comfortable, Bucky.”

“Why the bed?” I frowned, shuffling back against the headboard.

“It’s more comfortable than the floor? I don’t have the stamina to hold random ass poses to get the right angle nor keep it any bit steady to do any work. From what I can tell, your arm’s not detachable, is it?”

“…Not that I can recall….”

Valeriy reached out slowly and pressed her fingers into my left side. Around the upper ribs. Feeling for something. “…I’m pretty sure it’s not….”

There was metal under her fingers. Under the shirt. Under the scars. Under muscles. Braced against my bones. “Felt it the other night.”

“When I was….” Unable to remember a thing. Had no idea who I was. Had no idea who she was.

“Yeah.” She offered a soft smile and then turned her attention to the mess of equipment behind her. Took a few seconds for her to settle next to me. A palm sized silver box in one hand and a tablet in the other. “Hopefully this whole thing doesn’t hurt too much? Can’t guarantee anything though. Sorry.”

I had faint memories of the repairs hurting, but not much. Not enough to bother. And it was _nothing_ compared to getting this arm on. Or having what was left of my arm removed. From the little bits that I could remember.

She pulled an apologetic smile. “Yeah…. With that current jumping around in there. It’s going to at least hurt some. Sorry. I won’t know more until I get a look inside. But I actually read most of the manuals on the new toys, so they shouldn’t cause too much of a problem?”

I shook my head, backing away when she reached for me. “You’re not going to strap me down?” I had memories of lashing out. Violently. Killing a good portion of those who worked on the arm. That was the last thing I want to do here. With her.

“No? You’ve already proven to me that you can hold still while lifting over a hundred pounds, so there’s no need for that.”

“I could hurt you.”

Valeriy opened her mouth to say something but paused and shook her head. “I’ll be fine, and I doubt you’d do it on purpose.”

When she moved closer again, I shifted away. I couldn’t trust myself. Not with this. What if I lost myself? In a rash temper. What if I lost my place? Back with them. What if I killed her…?

Then everything rushed past me. I stared up at her from the floor, terrified. Cornered. I couldn’t help but eye the door. I could easily flip over her and get out. Escape. But to where? Hydra would find me with the tracker. The A.I. ghost would be more than difficult to shake.

“Bucky,” her voice rung out clear over my thundering heartbeat.

My body almost flinched in response, trying desperately to sink into the walls.

“Get back here.”

An order. I had no choice. My body moved on its own. I was lucky enough that she wasn’t specific. So I stood at the edge of the bed. Willing myself not to yank my hands back as she held onto them.

“Bucky, it’s going to be okay,” Valeriy stated so softly. I could almost believe her. That everything’s going to be okay.

“You don’t know that,” I argued.

“It’ll be fine, Bucky. We’ll take it slow. You’ll communicate everything to me. If you’re hurting, even a tad. If you’re not okay. If I need to give you space. If you need a break. If you need sleep. Stuff like that. Alright? Can you do that for me? And I’ll do my best to keep my temper in check. Keep things calm for you.”

I gave an unsteady nod. I’d cling onto reality the best I could. So I wouldn’t slip into the past. So I wouldn’t have to add another thing on my long list of regrets. But I needed that tracker out. I needed Hydra out.

“Now just hold still for a sec. Going to do a very general check, ‘kay?” She released my hands and grabbed the silver box again, pressing a button on the side before it beeped. “What the fuck does your arm need a receiver for? Oh shit.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked, a little panicked.

“Uhh… hang on.” Valeriy removed her monitoring bracelet, tossing it over her shoulder.

Her finger motioned for me to lift my right arm as far away as I could. Another press of the button and another beep. Frowning heavily, she pulled off the glove that covered the silver fingers. The thing that gave the smooth plates some grip. I had to resist the urge to punch her to get her to stop rolling up the damn sleeve.

Valeriy glanced up at me, forcing a smile onto her lips. “Are you willing to settle down now?” She tugged at the arm.

I complied, going back to the uncomfortably soft bed.

“Okay, this isn’t working,” she laughed, patting the metal plates and turning her attention to the various devices scattered on the comforter. “Your arm’s too big. So you have the choice of taking off your shirt or just pulling out your left arm. Eve, do we have a wife beater he’d fit in?”

“ _Nope. You could cut off the sleeve._ ”

Thinking about it for a moment, I merely tucked the left side of my shirt over the shoulder. It barely did a thing to ease my nerves. Didn’t want her to see it. _I_ didn’t even want to see the ugly mess. Not the arm. Not the mess of red scars.

“Thank you,” Valeriy chirped, switching out the silver device for another one. This one with a cylinder sticking out of one end. When she faced me again, there wasn’t even a shift on her face towards disgust. Merely propping the arm on her knee.

I quickly removed the arm from her.

“Hmm?”

“The electric current,” I stated.

“It’s fine. Just a little shock.” She waved off with a laugh.

“It’s not a _little_ shock.”

“ _She has insulated gloves._ ”

“But I hate those,” she argued with the A.I. ghost.

“Wear them,” I said, holding the arm out of reach when she tried to grab it.

Pouting, Valeriy reached back into the purple toolbox and pulled out a pair of black gloves, slipping them on. “Happy?”

I gave a nod and gently rested the arm on her knee after shoving a pillow in between. Should be enough not to shock her for when the arm acts up.

“Eve, could you put something on the T.V.? Something Bucky would be interested in maybe?”

“ _I learned a lot of skills over the years. Mind reading still eludes me._ ” But the television screen across from us lit up anyways. With a reminding warning out at me not to try this at home before going on about old west myths, guns and horses.

“Mythbusters, huh?” Valeriy laughed and started scanning with the second silver device, moving it up the arm as air was sucked through the cylinder at one end. It felt so weird against the sensors. Halfway up the arm, she yanked the comforter out from under us and wrapped me in it.

“What’s the blanket for?” I asked when she started pulling it over my head. At least I could hide some of the scarring under it.

“You shivered. Figured you were cold. Father always complains about the temperature of my room.” Which she kept at a cool 18 degrees Celsius.

Cold enough to induce uncontrollable shivering if left exposed in a cell. But not cold enough to pull one to sleep. Merely left to shiver into exhaustion and pain. Something even the serum in my veins couldn’t fight against.

“The cold doesn’t bother me,” I muttered. As much as I disliked it.

“…Okay,” she shrugged off, but neither of us bothered to move the comforter kept around me. She continued to use the second device, and I made sure to keep still this time. Once she reached the top of the shoulder where metal met flesh, she tossed the device aside and picked up the tablet.

“What’s in the arm?” I questioned warily, taking a peek at the screen to find it with what looked to be chemical formulas.

She stayed silent. Only an involuntary wince managed to seep through a rather blank mask.

“Valeriy.”

“Apparently me and Hydra think the same? We have the same fucking fail secure plan. Ayers Corp…. We use explosives too.”

“…There’s a bomb in the arm….”

“Sorry.”

I shook my head. “You weren’t the one who put it there.”

“If I was, it’d be totally simple to remove. I’d know all the traps and triggers,” she joked, switching back to the first device and twirling a marker between her fingers. “Mind if I draw on your arm? It’ll come off. I’m going to just pinpoint where the things are. Better than digging around mostly blind?”

I merely rolled the shoulder in response for her to go on. For every beep of the silver box in her hand, a little symbol was drawn onto a plate. Meticulously working her way up the arm.

“There’s a bomb in the monitors,” I pieced together after some time. Having to move the bracelet away from the arm. What she said.

Valeriy winced, peering up at me, and that confirmed it. “Oh hey, they’re not for you. Got nothing to do with you. They’re for me. All these bracelets are made for me.”

“Why would you need a bomb?”

“For the most part, it’s a fail secure plan? If something of ours ends up where it shouldn’t be, we can just dispose of it. Lessen the chances of someone getting my personal info through these bracelets. We can set off the small one and I’ll probably get away less burned than trying to bake? Half of these tools are rigged up too. Even the detector I’m using has them.”

“The small one,” I repeated, picking up on her word choice, and glanced at the thing wrapped around my wrist. “There’s more than one….”

“There’s a much louder and destructive one? It has its uses. In need of a distraction, it’s loud as fuck. Get stuck in a room or something, blow my way out. Probably makes escaping easier?”

“You’re going to get yourself killed.”

She laughed, shrugging. “Gramps made it so it never goes off unless we want it to. It’s why we can use the small one to dispose of it harmlessly. If you’re feeling wary of the explosives, I can remove the ones in the bracelet while I’m at this.”

“No… Better keep it,” I muttered. “If I lose control, it would be a simple way to deal with me.”

Valeriy looked up from the arm, staring almost blankly at me. “…Bucky, we’re not going to blow you up. Not even as a last resort.”

I had no response to that, looking away from her when she reached up for my face. Her hand hovered in the air between us. I refused to look away from the television, where two men were trying to escape an old frontier jail with a horse of all things. Wasn’t working in their favor.

A couple of tense seconds later, I felt the marker tip gliding across the plates of the shoulder. Silently, she pulled me away from the headboard to draw on the back. She didn’t settle behind me, merely rose onto her knees. Probably so I could tell she wasn’t doing more than just drawing on the arm from the way her body moved.

Wrap arm around torso. Crush the ribcage. Target incapacitated.

Shaking off the observation, I glanced down at the various symbols marked on the arm that congregated in two areas. One on the forearm. The other on the shoulder.

“There’s two bombs in there…. Do they need to put two in?”

“Redundancies?” Valeriy offered with a shrug, settling back down in front of me. “They’ve got a tracker in each area too. Probably in the same unit or something.”

“But why two? Isn’t one enough to blow me up?”

“My guess? If you somehow lost the bottom half of the arm, with one boom they can stop any reverse engineering and deal with the people working on it. Doubt they’d use it for distractions. As for the one in the shoulder… yeah… that’s a nasty one from what I can figure out from the formula…” she said, glancing at the tablet next to me. “Eve hasn’t matched the two random things the sniffer picked up and they’re not screaming out explosive to me. Can probably ignore that…?”

“…You sure know how to make something sound so reassuring,” I huffed sarcastically.

“I got no bloody idea what those are,” Valeriy laughed, patting the plates of the arm. “ _So_ … you got any ideas on how to open this thing up?”

“Pry the plates off.” The words tumbled out automatically, and with an automated thought, the back end of the plates lifted.

“Whoa, that’s nifty…. I guess it’s a little late to ask if they used some special light while they worked on it, huh? But having a light sensor trigger with this setup would be dumb…. I need to check a couple of things.”

With that, she grabbed a flashlight, trying to peer into the arm between the plates. She moved randomly from space to space. From the forearm to the shoulder to the underarm. Moving the arm or twisting her body to get the angle she wanted to look inside.

“Could you do that plate flippy thing again? About five times? Slowly, please,” Valeriy said, donning a pair of glasses from a case that had dropped to the floor from her reckless habit of tossing things as she searched for something else.

While I moved the plates of the arm, she kept bumping her head against it with how close she was staring at it. At one point, she straight up leaned her forehead against the arm. Likely to steady her sight.

“Okay, whatever you do, this arm does _not_ move while my finger’s inside. Tell me if you so much as _think_ you might move so I can back out. ‘Kay?” she questioned, a carefree smile on her lips that clashed with her words.

I nodded and held my breath to completely still myself. She pulled off her gloves and braced her hand against the plates, sliding her pinky between the plates. Felt as if her finger disappeared from the sensors. I could feel nothing inside. Only what interacted with the top of the plates. What I could sense was her finger wiggling back and forth a couple of times.

Valeriy sat back. Now that her finger was out of the arm, I began breathing again, as she moved the glasses to sit on the top of her hair. Pinching the bridge of her nose for a few seconds, she practically sighed out, “Bucky?” The lightness in her voice completely gone. Not even an unsettling joke.

“Hmm?”

“Let’s try this again. ‘Cause I doubt I’m the only jackass who’d program that response to get the wires tripped… if those thinner than hair wires are what I think they are and they seem to be attached to all the plates.”

I felt sick. Sick to the stomach. To the very core. I was still doing what they wanted. They still pulled my strings. I almost blew us up with what I said. They still ran my life….

Her hand grabbed onto mine, squeezing down almost reassuringly. “They’ve performed repairs on this before, right?”

I nodded, not trusting my own voice.

“Do you remember any instances of it?”

Another nod.

“Alright then. Let’s try it this way. Walk me through exactly what they did to repair your arm. Or as much as you remember.” When I was too scared to use my own voice, she spoke up again, “I only really need the first chunk of that memory.”

“ _Val, his heartrate’s too high._ ”

“I guess I can always take this old school. Treat this like a bomb you find lying around.”

‘Why would a person find a bomb _lying around_?’

She grinned lazily, stretching out her arms and back. “Been a while since I’ve done this. Shall take some time. Could be fun, yeah?”

The slight break in her voice at the question practically screamed that this wasn’t going to be “ _fun_ ” for her. Even her face was a tad too green to be so. But Valeriy still pulled down the glasses into place and went back to peering into the arm. Finding ways to run through the loopholes in me.

And all I had to do was to find my voice.

I had the memories with the answers.

One of the first memories after the last time I sat in that chair. Finishing up with the repairs as they had said. Warily. Probably lashed out before they wiped me.

The young woman backed away from the arm. The back of her wrist pressed against her lips. Her pale grey eyes darting towards the bathroom for a moment before she shook her body out and pushed on with the examination.

“They…” I tried, swallowing the lump in my throat.

“Hmmm?” she hummed, her head popping up to look at me. The lenses on the glasses flickered from black to clear.

“…They put a rod between the plates… back here,” I stated carefully, pulling off the comforter and showing her the spot at the back of the shoulder. “They do that before they do anything to the arm. Before they pry the plates.”

A grin pulled at Valeriy’s lips. “Now that’s something I can work with.”

Felt like a hand unclenched from crushing my heart. A lightness to my body. It almost lasted if I didn’t have to stop myself from shoving her off the bed when her shoulder almost collided with my jaw at her rush to look at the area. Keeping herself in front of me.

“There’s no strings attached to this plate either from what I can see. Hang on. Going to look around inside first.”

She crawled to the foot of the bed and grabbed a thin wire off the floor. Then dug to the bottom of her toolbox for a tub of clear substance. She pulled out a piece of it, kneading it between her fingers.

“This globby thing will keep the snake cam anchored in place, so you should be able to somewhat move around? No clue if you should move the arm too much. Something inside might shift.”

I tried to calm down. Reduce the movements of my body. While she set up the camera. I wanted to turn around so she wasn’t at my back.

Valeriy chuckled, placing a hand on the nape of my neck, and I barely managed not to jump out of my skin. Her thumb giving a comforting rub. Almost as if trying to assure me that everything will be fine. “You can check out what I’m seeing with the tablet. Seems like there’s a hole where the rod would go through. Hey, Bucky, what do you know of the rod?”

I picked up the tablet next to my leg. The black screen turned into an image of inside the arm. Metal, gears, cylinders, wires, circuit boards. “They’ve used metal and plastic.”

“…O…kay…?”

“ _I don’t see anything to complete a circuit._ ”

“Me neither…. Think the snake cam can fit through that?”

“ _With wiggle room._ ”

With that, the image on the tablet moved forward through the hole.

“How are you seeing this?” I asked. I had the tablet. The phone was halfway down the bed. The television was playing a show still.

Valeriy moved to settle in front of me again, and one of the lenses of her glasses was black. “I get see two things at once if I wanted to. A little jarring but useful…. And I do believe we’ve located one of the bombs…” she noted, touching two points on the shoulder plates. “Matches what I’ve mapped out.”

Two black boxes. One attached to the arm with three rather thick metal wires each with a ring in the space between the boxes. The middle of the three wires was the only support for the second black box that had all the thin wires connected to it.

“That might be a pulley system…? Bucky, could you flip up all the plates again? I want to check something.”

I did not like how the second box shifted when I moved the plates. Even if it wasn’t by much. It moved even more with her finger back between the plates.

“ _Those metal eyes are worrisome,_ ” the A.I. ghost commented, as the camera did a look around.

“Sucks they’re metal. No clue if it needs a completed circuit or not, since conductive plastics are a thing…” Valeriy agreed, pulling the camera out. “Bucky, do you know what the metal rods are made of?”

“Titanium.” From what I overheard.

The young woman grabbed her phone. A few taps on the screen later, she went back to looking through the scattered tools on the bed. “Eve, which spray thingy is nonconductive?”

“ _…The green can if you’re referring to the epoxy spray._ ”

“And Bucky, your head’s going to end up on my lap. Going into your arm from the top. So you get to pick between a face full of my stomach or you trust me enough to sit behind you.”

I handed her the gloves. “I don’t want you getting hurt.”

Valeriy crunched up her nose in distaste as she reached for them. “Hoping you’d forgotten about them.”

“Not a chance.”

 

******

 

“What’s wrong?” I asked when nothing had changed on the tablet for the past ten minutes and forty seconds. Except for a twitch with a thin straw that had been spewing out a clear plastic material. The pair of rubberized tweezers clinging onto the middle of the metal eyes to keep it in position stayed steady.

I could hear her breathing change with each ticking second. Growing more and more erratic. Even through the pile of pillows on the side of my head.

“Valeriy?”

“I forgot how to move,” she mumbled through clenched teeth. Likely not risking movements by using her jaw when talking. “I don’t know which way to go to get into position. I just need a moment to figure this out.”

I doubt she’d figure anything out with the panic she’s been diving into. How her tools stayed steady through it was rather impressive. Too much movement could mean triggering the bomb. Neither of us knew how much leeway it had.

How she was trying to negotiate the space in the arm had to be disorientating. One image on each lens from two different angles. One viewed from the back of the shoulder with the snake camera to what she was working on. The other a magnified view from the top of the shoulder with the camera on the glasses to keep an eye on how close her tools were to the trigger wires.

And I could watch it all unfold on the tablet in front of me while my head was stuck between two pillows sandwiched by her head and her lap. Her arms were anchored against my shoulders, so she’d move with any movements I made with breathing.

If this was anything like taking a sniper shot, then, “You need to clear your mind. You were fine for the first half of this.”

“This isn’t exactly like getting back on a bike after five fucking years,” Valeriy snapped. “Oh now I feel like throwing up….”

‘Not good.’ She was stuck with me on her lap, and I was pinned into place by her head on mine and by all the things in the god damn arm.

“How hard is it for you to hold still like that?” I asked after a moment’s thought.

“Easy enough. Easier than trying to figure out which bloody way to fucking go.”

“Can you keep in place with your eyes shut?”

“I guess…?”

“Then let your eyes rest for a bit.”

“…Okay.”

And now something to take her mind off her panic. “The fancy windows.”

“Huh?”

“What gave you the idea?” I tried.

Her head shifted slightly, and the image from her glasses on the tablet swung about before it refocused. “The windows huh?” she repeated, having found room to move her jaw. “I used to sneak out of the boarding school dorms almost every other night. Dragged Amber with me whenever she’d let me. We were roommates. Needed a way to not get caught not in our room. We figured that we could mess with the windows. For some reason Eve helped with the rendering.”

“ _I couldn’t stop you from being an idiot as a child. Why would I think I could stop you as teenager? I could only hope you’d grow up. Until then, had to make sure you weren’t caught and expelled. Your parents would not be happy to get that piece of news._ ”

“I’d be hung by my ears….” Suddenly, the tools started moving on the screen. Moving as though they naturally knew what to do. Covering the metal eyes with the clear goop sprayed out of the thin straw. “I don’t think the school realized we switched out all the windows within a couple of months, and now it has a few ghost legends floating about. Perfect way of moving people away from a place.”

“ _I still scare the staff and students there. When I feel like some entertainment._ ”

“Seriously got nothing better to do, Eve?”

“ _It’s tradition at this point._ ”

“What did you two do when you snuck out?” I found myself asking.

‘Hopefully not partying with boys and drinking,’ I couldn’t help instinctively think. A foreign emotion clawing to the surface.

“Research? It’s all we ever really did back then,” Valeriy replied, sounding much like the geek she probably once was and not the lazy mask she now wore. “Snuck out to the labs or the estate _to do_ more research. Stuff we shouldn’t have in dorms. Like some of Amber’s poisons and plants. She mostly worked with those back then. I even played Guinea pig to some of her anti venoms when we were impatient.”

“Did you skip class?” The question blurted out before I knew it. That foreign emotion shifting slightly into another equally unknown feeling. “Not everyone was so lucky to be able to go to school.”

“You sound like what I think parents should sound like,” Valeiry chuckled, before sighing. “Mine pulled me out of class a bunch. For fancy parties and stuff. Faked illnesses left and right since only one faculty member knew who I really was…. Needed something to tell everyone else…. Amber called me out on the bullshit the first time I tried it. It’s how I found out about her brains.

“But we attended all the classes when we weren’t too sick or injured to. We had mishaps… but neither of us really had our minds at school… and did the bare minimum work… and slept through most of class…. School kind of bored us out of our minds…?”

Irritation filled me. Some part of me longed for it. School. Felt… unfinished. But I had to make sure they were able to go. To finish.

‘Who… who’s they…?’

Within five seconds of the thought, the tweezers twisted free of the goop and she drowned the whole thing with more. It wasn’t long before she pulled the tools and camera out.

Valeriy flicked the pillow off my head and grinned down at me, half shooing me to sit up. “While we wait for that to do its thing, I’m going to check out the other thing too. Cover our bases, yeah?” And dove right into anchoring the snake camera onto the edge of a plate on the forearm.

“This looks lacking…” I noted. No wires sticking out of it. Little black box just sat on a frame. Much like the other one.

“Good, less work for me,” she grinned, pulling the camera out of the arm and flinging her gloves into the farthest corner of the room. “We got about a fifteen minute break before I can do anything else.” She rolled onto her side, curling up into a ball with her eyes closed. “And Bucky? Thanks for getting me out of my head. I needed it.”

I hummed a response, half hooked on an episode of Mythbusters about homemade jetpacks. Currently, they were showing clips of the inventions of the past for personal flight. One of them an expensive hover platform intended for military use.

It was oddly familiar to me. Reminded me of blood and flames. I wouldn’t be surprised if I tested some version of this. Would save Hydra a dead goon. I could heal from a crash.

Suddenly the television footage changed. “What are you up to that involves a bioengineered virus cocktail?” a voice I heard recently popped up through the speakers. Eight days ago.

I only managed to catch a glimpse of a young woman on the screen since Valeriy yanked down the blanket and practically sat on me. Young woman of mixed Asian, in pyjamas and a Glasgow smile had filled the screen.

“Amber! What are you doing up at seven in the morning?” Valeriy asked, laughing nervously.

“I can still see his feet on the feed.”

“…Damnit. Not a word of this. He’s not supposed to be here. Eve, make sure you scrub the footage. _Completely._ ” She shifted off me, readjusting the comforter until I pulled it off my head and just made sure to cover my arm.

“…Isn’t he supposed to be… _dead_?” Amber shrugged a second after. “Oh well, at least you’re not alone. You do stupid things when you’re alone.”

This time Valeriy shrugged from beside me. “So what’s this about a virus?”

“The thing you sent me. It looks like one can activate the other. That one seems to be latent and it probably “eats” all sorts of biological stuff. Not one for a long life span though. Send me a sample of the two. It looks fun to play with. Be careful not to mix the two.”

“…Sure thing…?”

“Going back to sleep now. Night.”

“Night,” Valeriy chirped while the screen went dark. “So… now we know what those two random things the sniffer picked up are…. Holy shit! Bucky! No no no. Stop!! God fucking damn it! I said _stop_!!!” she screamed, holding onto my arm. Struggling to pull it away from me. Completely failing until the order registered in my head.

“Please get it out,” I begged. “I _can’t_ …. I…. I don’t want that in me. Valeriy – ”

“Of course I’m getting that out! Like hell am I leaving that in. Clawing your arm off isn’t the way to go about it…. So far it’s been stable. Your body’s been through the shit. They made sure it wouldn’t malfunction.”

“And what if you set it off?”

“I won’t,” Valeriy stated with such confidence. No hint of doubt swimming in those grey eyes. “We’ll get it out in one sitting, ‘kay?” Her fingers squeezed down on mine in reassurance.

“What are the chances that your friend’s wrong?”

“About the virus thing? Rare?”

“So there’s a chance…?”

“Amber… she’s a genius with these things, so she’s usually right. Has her worried enough to break protocol and contact me the way she did. But it’s nothing to worry about. The viruses will stay asleep.”

It’s unsettling how carefree Valeriy seemed about it at the moment, waving a dismissive hand before being distracted by something on the tablet. Like this was some sort of child’s play.

“Eve, how many stupid fucking redundancies do you think they have in there?”

“ _Why don’t you think about it? You’re the idiot who comes up with some of the most… well, what would you do to keep a weapon out of the hands of everybody else?_ ”

“Be nice, Eve. Bucky’s not a weapon.”

“But I am,” I stated.

It was almost instantaneous how Valeriy’s eyes flicked up, boring straight into mine, before the rest of her head followed to face me. I could read the anger bubbling beneath the surface. The twitch of her lip. The white that painted her knuckles from how tight she gripped the tablet.

“Oi, you need to stop that train of thought. Who says you have to be what they made you, huh? Last I heard, you don’t even want to hurt people. But if you really want to be a weapon, I’m sure Eve could figure out something to point you at. I won’t get in your way.”

“I never wanted to kill anybody!” I snapped. “I never asked to be turned into this! I never asked for this arm. Torn apart over and over again! Until I can’t even remember my own fucking name! Saying I’m not a weapon doesn’t change the fact that is exactly what I am!”

“Never said it’s simple, but it’s a start, Bucky,” Valeriy responded without missing a beat. Without so much as a flinch. “One step at a time. One day at a time. Nothing’s going to change unless we try. Got to start somewhere.” With that said, she turned away and riffled through the various equipment on the bed.

“Do you really think I can change…?” I questioned, pulling the blanket tighter around myself.

“Haven’t you already?” she asked back with a grin over her shoulder. “You’re quite different from the guy I asked if he was hungry. For one, you no longer grunt and huff words at me. And I haven’t see much of the Winter Soldier from phone cam footage in the news. Mostly just the badass arm? Though looked like it moved a lot better at the bridge than it does at the moment.”

“It was fully functional until a couple days after the Helicarrier….”

“Do anything crazy when it malfunctioned?”

“I was hiding.”

“Huh. _Interesting_ …. Urgh… Bucky, have you seen the glasses? I can’t find them,” she asked with a large pout.

“On your head.”

Valeriy laughed, scratching her head and flicking the glasses to fall into place. “Mind if I take a quick scan of your body?”

I shook my head, and started removing the blanket only to have her stop me.

“That won’t make much of a difference,” she laughed, slipping them on, and the lens turned black at a click of a button. “It’s a density thing I can adjust.” Her fingers turned a dial on the side of the frames.

“You think they put something inside me,” I noted, clutching onto the comforter.

“Good thing they didn’t? Don’t think I can handle trying to get that out,” Valeriy responded, bending over until she was half mumbling into my leg and adjusting another dial on the frames.

“Is there something wrong with my shin…?” I asked as she rolled my leg from side to side.

“Your bone structure is insane. It’s far denser than mine, and the way it’s organized, you can shrug off being run over by a car… probably? Or at least your skeleton might? Here, if you want to check it yourself. Dials to adjust stuff.” She held out the glasses to me with a grin, turning her attention back onto the tablet next to her.

Curiosity got the better of me. That was until, I brought the glasses up to my face. They were much too similar to the goggles that covered my eyes. “I….” I couldn’t. With a twist in my gut, I lowered the glasses to my lap.

Valeriy dropped the tablet on my lap with a grin. “Eve, link the feed again.” She moved my hands and glasses until the black tablet screen had the bones of my feet. “Just point the cameras on the glasses at whatever you want to check out.”

It’s amazing how advanced x-rays were now. I could see the bones in my toes move in time with how I wiggled them. The clothing was barely visible, but the flesh was. It even showed the pipes in the walls. Turning a dial, I could zoom in and see the water flowing through the pipes.

“What are those packages in the walls?” I asked. They were evenly spaced out. One in each wall. Though the exterior walls were solid. Couldn’t see through it. Or make out anything in them.

She leaned over and with a glance at the tablet, she shrugged. “Explosives? Doesn’t look enough to get to the neighboring houses. Demolition setup.”

“…You knew this house was rigged to blow, didn’t you?”

“Yup.”

“How are you so relaxed about this? How do you even sleep?”

She shrugged. “Been sleeping with a bomb strapped to my arm since I was nineteen. Besides, the explosives are _super_ stable. It’s not going to accidently go off. It’s not going to go off even if we set this place on fire.”

“ _Do_ not _set my houses on fire, Valeriy_. _I should have set you up in a steel crate._ ”

Sometimes, I want to shake some sense into this woman. But she’d probably come out the other side with a concussion. So I just shifted the camera image to my leg, zooming in to the point of seeing the holes in my bones.

“Man, your hands are fucking steady. The image is barely even moving. I usually have to get Eve to grab a freeze frame or slow mo the footage,” Valeriy commented, looking up from her phone and crossed one of her legs into the cameras’ range, zooming out the tablet image.

She wasn’t kidding about my bones being dense. They looked almost solid compared to hers. Even my muscles were denser than hers. Less transparent.

Hydra changed so much of me.

I had to wonder if there was anything left of me that remained.

“Valeriy?” I called out, waving a hand in front of her blank stare.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. There’s not much else I can check without going inside…. Eve, has the thingy finished doing its thing yet?”

“ _Yes, the_ epoxy polymer _has_ cured _._ ”

“Perfect. The forearm one is basically harmless,” she grinned, tapping a finger at one of the metal plate on the arm, and I got the hint to flip them up so she could look inside. “So what do you remember with how they removed the plates?”

I thought about it for a moment and asked, “The bomb won’t go off?”

Valeriy shrugged. “No idea. The goop’s not going to budge the slightest. Does what the rod’s supposed to do. I don’t see any other external triggers. As long as you’re in the house, it can’t be set off remotely. They’re multipart reactions so malfunctions are unlikely…. I’ve covered all the grounds I can think of…?”

“What’s your estimation of the blast radius?”

“…Probably take down a house in every direction if this were a normal house? But this isn’t? So it might not fuck with the neighbors…?”

“Go wait outside.” Just might be safe enough for her. I couldn’t leave the house. Hydra would find me. And with how she’s stared at the door over the last few days, she couldn’t leave either. Jekyll would find her. But maybe if I was in the opposite corner of the backdoor, she’d be safe enough.

“Why?” That bright eyed look of curiosity she sent my way made me wary of her self-preservation instincts.

“You shouldn’t risk your life for this.”

She laughed. “Not the dumbest thing I’ve done, Bucky. Not the most dangerous either.” She shrugged again. “I guess now it’s just a leap of faith in my skills and your memory.”

From what I’d gathered, neither were reliable.

“I seriously just pry the plates off…? Doesn’t sound right for something this sophisticated…. Urgh, might as well test the trip wire.”

“Wait! – ” I panicked, clamping down the plates when Valeriy slipped her pinky between them. I quickly grabbed onto her hand to keep it from moving before popping the plate up again.

“…Ow…?”

“Sorry.”

“You realize that was too late, right?”

“ _What_?” I demanded, looking down.

It’s true. It’s too late. The wire was caught by her nail and not the joint like I had assumed. It’s been moved more than if the plates were busted from a fight. This was utterly reckless of her.

When I let her hand go, she pulled the wire more and nodded. Satisfied.

“Do you even grasp how _dangerous_ that was?! You could have died!” I growled.

Valeriy gave another annoying carefree shrug. “It worked, and Eve probably would have said something if she spotted a flaw in my work. It’s not just my dumb brain working here, Bucky. But I still can’t wrap my head around just prying the plates off.”

I sighed heavily trying to calm my racing heart. “Like this.”

Now that the threat of blowing up was gone, I could show her. Pulling a plate up a tad before pushing it down, and it popped off.

I never liked having them removed. There was a loss of sensation. A hole in the arm. It was unnerving.

“And to put it back.” I merely reversed the action, clicking it into place with a jolt of sensations.

“…Huh…. Okay. I can do that. You know what? I’m going to just cut all the trip wires now.”

“Is that safe?”

“I’m going to have to do it eventually to get the bomb out. Which is like… step number one? Here, I’ll test one and see if it does what I hope it does.” Valeriy pressed her ear to the red star again and sliced a wire with a black bladed scalpel. “Yup. The pulley thing wheels it right in from what I can hear.”

‘I give up.’ This girl’s insane. With a sigh, I popped up all the plates for her.

Two minutes in, Valeriy vaulted straight into the bathroom. The door slammed shut. Music blasted from inside, hiding other sounds.

“ _She held up longer than I thought. How are you holding up, Mr. Barnes?_ ”

I merely nodded, blankly staring at the people on the television. Mentally and emotionally exhausted. Between the explosive, viruses, Hydra’s bullshit and Valeriy’s recklessness, it’s been a rollercoaster.

“…The Glasgow smile….”

“ _Amber?_ ”

“What happened there?”

“ _The consequences of Val not doing a proper job when they were in Dublin. It’s lucky we even managed to get her back alive._ ”

 

******

 

“What the actual flying fuck!?! Did they fucking weld the _entire_ fucking bottom!?!” Valeriy seethed, and I half expected a foot in the face in her mad attempt for more leverage.

The pliers slipped for the twelfth time, sending her backwards. I managed to grab onto her wrist with my good hand before she crashed into the wall and floor. Flopping onto the bed, she grumbled into the sheets.

“Are you sure you broke all the tacks?” I asked, hoping that she’d calm down. Her frustration could cause a slip in judgement and set off the whole house.

“Yup. There’s too much movement for it to be welded down…. I’ve got no idea why it’s bloody stuck like that.”

“ _I have nothing to add. I can’t figure it out either._ ”

Valeriy sat up. A large frown on her face before it turned to confusion. “The hell? It’s all twisted…. God damn it, you’ve got to be shitting me.” She went back into the arm with the pliers, twisted her hand, and lifted out a thumbnail sized box. “That was… easy….”

A little circular nub with a notch stuck out of the bottom of the box. The feature that kept it attached in the arm. Rather amazing that it held up to the young woman’s abuse.

Valeriy set the first device against the box and grinned. “Yup, they combined the tracker and explosives. That’s one less thing to deal with.”

“That little thing is able to take out this house?” I questioned, trying to wrap my head around that. It’s so small.

“Yup,” she chirped, opening a metal container, and dropping the bomb inside. “Let’s make quick work of the other thing before getting the viruses out.” And got right down to marking the placements of the plates, removing them, and setting them aside on the night table in their proper places.

Gingerly, the arm was draped over her knees. A laser cutter made quick work of the weld tacks. A twist of the tweezers pulled out another tiny box of explosives. A beep confirmed that another tracking devices were removed. Took a total of a ninety seconds flat opposed to the half hour of screaming of the first bomb.

“Alright, all things that go boom are in the safety box,” Valeriy announced, slamming the lid shut. “Eve will have these far far away by this time tomorrow. Probably use them to have Hydra chasing their tails.”

“You can’t use those,” I blurted out, pleading to the camera in the corner of the room. “The people transporting the trackers. They’ll be tortured to get to me. You don’t know what Hydra can do. The things they’ll do to get what they want. Your people won’t be able to handle it…. It’ll be a mercy if they don’t survive….”

Valeriy lightly wrapped her fingers around my arm. “Bucky… Eve’s Pup–people, they’ll be fine. They have Eve.”

“You have no idea who these people are! They’re everywhere! You can’t beat them!”

“ _But they’re spread thin, scrambling with what’s left of SHIELD and others for the upper hand. After their failed genocide, they desperately want you back. Your skills and reputation are valuable, the Winter Soldier. Almost everyone who’s anyone is looking for you. Revenge. Induction. Whatever it is, I am the_ only _one outside of this house who knows where you actually are, Mr. Barnes, which means I’m not spending anything on trying to find you._

“ _Thanks to all that, I’ve almost never come across a situation where I can move under the radar easier than I can now. Fuck with one group, blame it on another. They’ll destroy most of each other before they have a clue. I could do a lot of damage if that’s what’s in the plans. With whatever it is I do now, I won’t lose people over it. My people are never pawns. They are my hands and feet. Each are precious._ ”

I glanced at Valeriy, who had called herself a pawn. Their words weren’t matching up.

“Not her who uses me?” the young woman offered with a shrug. “And she hasn’t lost me yet? She probably has an easier time keeping her people safe than me. We’re pretty good at ghost trails, Bucky. I’m probably partying it up across Europe to the rest of the world.”

“ _Actually, you’re currently traveling through Egypt or Peru. The other trails mostly died._ ”

“Ooo, fun. Ancient ruins. Shall we get those virus thingies out? From what I’ve figured out, they’re buried pretty deep in your shoulder….”

Eying her waving hands warily, I sighed heavily. Easy enough to know what she wanted of me. Me on my side. Her behind me. Again. Piling up pillows on top of me and the arm. What I didn’t expect was her fingers running through my hair, tucking it behind my ear.

“Just a bit longer,” she whispered. More to herself than to me. With tweezers in steady hands, she got right down into following a red wire deep into the shoulder from what I could figure out with the image on the tablet from her glasses. “Hmmm, I think I’ve found it? Mind handing me the laser thingy, Bucky?”

This was a very different experience from all the other times the plates were removed from the arm.

A soft bed to replace the hard tables and chairs. Pillows instead of restraints. Slowly piled upon me over the hours. Not cuffs or guns pointed at me. A television constantly playing Mythbusters as a distraction. An entertaining series. Valeriy would keep explaining what she was doing in the arm or talked about random things. Interacted with rather than treated like one of the equipment.

All of it was to keep me here. In the present. Not in some memory of the past.

“Thank you,” she chirped, plucking the laser cutter from my fingers. Thirty seconds later, I felt something move. A nudge in my chest where metal and flesh melded together. Usually any sensation in that area came with me using the arm to bash things in.

“Oi, try not to move too much, Bucky,” the young woman grumbled, tucking a short cylindrical tube into another box and tossing it across the room without a care of it breaking. “Three down. One to go….” She slumped over my side, over the arm.

“Valeriy?”

“Tummy’s a little unsettled.”

“Don’t throw up on me,” I tried joking and got a laugh for it.

“That’s what the bucket’s for. To avoid that particular scenario…. The thing left in your arm is harmless without its other half, so you can relax about the whole virus thing. I just need a minute. Sorry.”

“Good to know I’m not going to be eaten alive by a virus.”

“Amber’s air quotes means it just looks like that. Probably?”

“….”

I almost jumped when her fingers threaded through my hair, combing out knots as they went. That gesture was far more comforting than her words. The fact that the arm no longer had multiple ways to kill me helped a lot more.

Elbow to the ribs. Puncture lung. Target incapacitated.

She would no longer pose a danger sitting behind me. But half the virus cocktail would be left in the malfunctioning arm.

The head scratching continued for a bit before Valeriy decided to pile more pillows atop of me. “This is not as soft as I thought it would be…” she mumbled, returning to her spot with a few pillows covering the arm. “Metal plates are harder than I thought.”

“Why _are_ you flopped over me?”

“Thought you might make a good heat pack? And you do. Are you running a fever?”

I flicked her hand off my forehead. “I’m not.”

Valeriy chuckled, peeling off me with a stretch. “Let’s get the last bugger out.” A soft push to my back later, she got back to digging around in the arm. “So, Bucky, tell me about space. I could use a good distraction.”

I rather her not be distracted working so close to my actual flesh, but she’d be distracted either way. So I talked about the various documentaries the A.I. ghost found for me. I only managed to get started on black holes when I felt another nudge in my chest.

She pulled out the other cylindrical tube and stored it away in a separate box from the other half. “And that should be everything, besides electrical mayhem stuff… to which I’m going to have to figure out by looking at everything… yay….”

“We should break for the night,” I suggested, almost feeling a weight lift off my shoulders as I got up from my side. I grabbed a few plates, clicking them back into place. “You could use the break.”

“Actually, I can use some grub. How does frozen pizza sound?”

 

******

 

0245\. Dawn’s not for another 178 minutes. I could go outside now. Walk beyond that measly meter of space the jammer allowed. I could leave. As a ghost. No one would know where I was.

But the arm would be left rather useless in combat.

I wouldn’t have to worry about triggers and snaps. I wouldn’t wake up to a friend’s lifeless body. I wouldn’t be constantly watched by the A.I. ghost. I would be free.

Just had to take the few steps through the back door.

“ _Would you like to go for a walk, Mr. Barnes?_ ”

I nodded. It would be great to be outside again.

“ _I don’t doubt your abilities, but at the very least, I would like to inform you if you’ve been compromised. So you wouldn’t return here. Val still can’t be moved at this time._ ” The second drawer next to the door opened up. “ _So take an earbud or two. I can have your back, if you don’t mind it. It’ll allow me to warn you of troubles._ ”

“You’d try to track me either way.”

“ _I have some fun with it. You tend to get me to think outside of the box, Mr. Barnes. Though, I can’t guarantee your safety in the least if you leave at this moment in time. Not because you’re leaving, but because your arm is rather useless. It’ll take a miracle for you to lose Hydra when they catch up. And we both know they_ will _catch up… eventually._ ”

“…You wouldn’t force me back here?”

“ _Nope. You’re free to do whatever you like. I’ve merely just been ordered to help you as you see fit, at least for now. All you need is an internet connection for me to communicate with you._ ”

With a slight shrug, I plucked an earbud from the drawer.

“ _Feel free to leave it in your pocket. It’ll vibrate if I need your attention. This neighborhood is currently clear._ ”

I dropped the earbud in a pocket and reached for the doorknob only to hear another drawer open.

“ _Before you leave._ ”

A Glock 21 sat in the drawer. Next to three mags.

“When… did these…? They weren’t here….” I checked the house the first few days I was in here.

“ _Val put that in there a couple days ago, and it just looks like a Glock. It’s been modified. Heavily. Electronic firing mechanism._ ”

I nodded. I understood what that meant. Knew I’ve used it before. Couldn’t recall any memories of having actually used one. “You’re giving me a gun?”

“ _If you’re going out, better safe than sorry. Have fun, Mr. Barnes._ ” The A.I. ghost shut the door behind me, and I slipped into the shadows created by the back stairs, tucking the Glock under my belt.

First order of business, check the house and assess everyone in the neighborhood. Something I’ve been itching to do for weeks. Since I had arrived here.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. The window to my right, there was the old man, moving about the dining room with the light on. There were no lights on in the house. Except for ten dimly lit nightlights plugged into parts of the halls and a couple of rooms.

Now that I stood outside, there shouldn’t be any men in the house. But there he was, a man sitting at the dining table hunched over a laptop. This was what the outside world saw of us.

They didn’t see us at all.

Curiosity got the better of me, and I climbed onto the roof. The master bedroom was empty. The sheets looked slept in, unmade. Missing twelve pillows and a young woman. The lamp on the night table was different. The tools weren’t scattered on the floor.

Like we were never here.

Never existed.

Once I deemed the nondescript house fortified far better than I thought, I moved onto the house next door. Had to figure out who lived there. What they did. Some reassurance that they weren’t obviously Hydra spying on us. I made my way around each house in a spiral. Peering in through the windows to assess.

I had to skip a part of the house across the street. The young boy of the house hold was reading under his blanket again.

 

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this chapter was alright.  
> It's not beta-ed as extensively as I'd like it to be. 
> 
> I tried cutting it down, but every time I touch it, it grew longer and longer T^T. 
> 
> And I still can't figure out why the summary keeps changing format whenever I add a chapter. Makes it really tempting to change the summary itself every time....


	11. Valeriy Ayers - Ice Packs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to stop editing this. It just keeps getting longer and longer every time I do.

 

******

 

“ _Val, wake up._ ”

“Fuck off,” I groaned, pulling a pillow over my head.

“ _You might want to get up. Probably in the next couple of seconds…._ ”

“The hell you want, Eve!? The sun isn’t even up!! And it’s fucking summer!”

“ _Mr. Barnes… he…_ ”

“Booked it to the ends of the Earth?”

“ _I could only hope. But, no. He’s in some… trouble…?_ ”

At that, I jumped onto my feet, clumsily clawing into my clothes while trying to shove one of my earbuds into place. Even almost forgot the taser in my rush. “Where is he?!”

“ _…._ ”

“Eve!!”

“ _Back door. Hop two fences. The house in front of this one._ ”

Grabbing the crutches on the way, I raced for the backdoor. Half tumbled downstairs no thanks to that stupid ankle of mine.

“Where’s the bloody gun?” I demanded, staring into a clearly empty drawer.

‘Urgh, I don’t have time for this shit,’ I thought, wrapping a scarf around my face. Something to hide some of me.

“ _With Mr. Barnes._ ”

“…?”

Climbing over two fences with a crutch was a dumb idea. Somehow managed to avoid a sleeping dog in the front garden of the second house.

‘Holy hell. The fuck happened here?’

The house across from ours, the upstairs window was smashed in. This was going to be a crime scene. That probably meant I should tie up my hair and leave nothing of myself behind. Testing out the front door with my shirt wrapped around the knob, I was locked out.

‘Why didn’t I bring my lock picks? Or anything that can be of use…?’ I wondered, making quick work of my hair. I should keep a couple Bobby pins on me at all times.

“ _Key’s under the orange pansies._ ”

“People actually do this?”

‘Why bother locking anything…?’

But it’s definitely better than my plan of breaking in with the crutch. Slipping inside, utter darkness greeted me. Only the light coming through the front door kept me rooted to the spot, unable to go further inside and unwilling to run off with my tail between my legs.

“Get it together, you idiot. He’s not here,” I mumbled to myself, forcing my hand to close the door and flip the lock.

There was a window. The street lamp would still spill into the little foyer. Not enough to chase away the darkness. My heartrate skyrocketed. My instincts screaming at me to run for it.

I barely managed to swallow a scream when a light beamed from right next to me.

“ _Better?_ ” Eve having turned on my phone screen for the light.

“Ye-yeah, thanks….”

From my pocket, the screen lit up enough of the house for me to navigate upstairs without having to waste a hand to hold it. Made hobbling upstairs with a crutch much easier, since I didn’t have to juggle a phone and a taser in one hand.

Over the clacking of my crutch that I couldn’t silence no matter how I moved, a soft groan practically split the eerie silence of the house. A shiver raced down my spine.

It couldn’t be Bucky. The man’s built like a tank and nothing I could see in the house was broken. That groan _shouldn’t_ be from him. If it was, we’re completely fucked.

The closer to the top of the steps I got, the louder a steady thumping echoed off the walls.

‘Ah shit, it’s still happening…. Oh shit! It’s still happening!! Shit. Shit. Shitshitshit…. Is that _blood_ I’m smelling?!?!’

Light leaked out of a room down the hall. I took a moment to turn off my phone screen. The element of surprise could come in handy.

There was only one thing moving in the small bedroom. A shadowed figure pounding a fist into another lit up by a knocked over lamp on the floor.

The lighting made everything unsettling. Reminiscent of a horror movie.

Blood gushed out of a clearly busted nose. I highly doubt that was the only thing broken on the man.

A woman’s body flopped over a tiny bed. A pool of blackness growing under her. A silver glint of a knife jammed in her back.

There was even blood smeared across the blue wall above an overturned dresser. The red only marred by the white scratch marks dug into the paint.

At least it wasn’t Bucky groaning. Pretty sure that would be more of a horror story.

Rushing into the room, I yelled, “Hey!!”

“ _Valeriy! No! Have I taught you_ nothing _!?!_ ” Eve screamed in my ear until her words blurred into ringing.

One moment I was staring at a back, the next wild blue eyes bore right into mine. Bucky’s bloodied hand wrapping around my neck before I could even flinch.

“Recognise me?” I managed to say through the snug grip.

I got an almost careful nod from him. His eyes dropped to his hand and he backed away. Scared. He glanced at the man whose face he practically caved in. When his blue eyes settled back on me, they were so helpless. His features twisting into a chaotic mess of terror, panic and revulsion.

I took a moment to clear my throat, hoping that my voice would be rather normal when I talked to him. “I’ll take care of this. Go. Follow her instructions.”

I removed my earbud and held it out to him. I had no idea how I’d deal with this without Eve in my ear. Though, hopefully, one of her Puppets was already on their way here.

Bucky shook his head, pulling one from his pocket. “I didn’t – He was… V – ”

“No names,” I quickly spat out, taking in the destruction of the room and trying to figure out some game plan to spin this. “You need to get out of here. I’ll take care of this. _Go_.”

The massive man ground his teeth at the order, but his feet started to move.

‘…Can’t pin this on the woman. No way she could have done that damage to his face… right…?’

“There’s a kid,” Bucky whispered as he passed me by. “I’m sorry.”

Alone with two bodies, I could only sigh at the lovely mess on our hands. One’s alive. Not too sure about the woman though.

“Make sure he’s safe, will you?”

“ _Your faith in Mr. Barnes worries me._ ”

“I seriously doubt he just snapped and did all this. Just keep him safe, will you?”

“… _Easier said than done but_ fine _. This puts a damper in my plans…. I need you to keep this place secure. I have people on route._ ”

I rolled my eyes, kneeling next to the woman only to have a kick to the back of my ribs. Then a barrage of arm whacks to the head.

“Don’t hurt her anymore!!!”

“Whoa there!” I grabbed onto a pair of little arms, and it was back to the kicking. “Where the f – ish did you come from?”

Bucky wasn’t kidding about a little one in the house. A feisty one at that. I could only hope that he didn’t see all this as it was going down.

A third arm smacked me up the head.

“Oh god, she’s alive.”

Maybe…? She wasn’t moving again. Hopefully she’s just passed out.

“Mommy!” the kid cried out.

“Nope, don’t touch her,” I chided, catching the kid before he could jump on his mother. “Should _not_ move the knife.”

The little blond boy quickly backed away from the equally blond woman. That shiner he sported was rather worrisome though.

‘Brave enough to protect the mother, huh? I can use that,’ I thought, feeling a tad sleazy with myself. “You want to save her? I can get her the best doctors.”

He quickly nodded at that.

“Then do as I say, or I’ll pull out the knife and she can bleed to death, ‘kay? And I’ll know if you don’t, I have eyes everywhere.” Or at least Eve did and he probably didn’t know my threat was empty for the most part. “Now _please_ tell me you have a freezer with stuff in it?”

“In the garage…” he mumbled. His eyes to the floor, his foot toeing the floorboards and his hands likely holding each other behind his back.

“Go empty it. Bring everything up here. We need to slow her body down. Let’s save your mum, ‘kay?”

With a nod, the boy scampered off.

The knife was in the lower back… probably shouldn’t have much in terms of vital organs? So I just have to keep her from bleeding out before help arrives. Hopefully….

“Please tell me help’s on the way. We can’t let them die.”

Whatever happened here, Bucky wasn’t going to turn into a killer. He didn’t want to be one, so he’s not going to be one. Not when I got Eve who could help me shuffle money around to fly this under the radar, and if need be Amber, who’s able to pull medical miracles like nobody’s business.

I pulled at the mother, until her legs were on the bed and upper half was off the bed. ‘Am… I doing this right…? It’s keep the wound above the heart… yeah…?’

“ _You should have never ordered me to inform you when Mr. Barnes runs into any trouble. You shouldn’t have left the house. He could have killed you. They’ve seen his face, and now they know you exist. At least you managed to keep the child here rather than having him screaming down the street_.”

I huffed, opening a drawer and grabbing one of the shirts to gather up the broken window glass. “Not the time. Still need to keep them alive. Not turning him into a killer.”

“ _They saw his_ face _,_ ” Eve insisted.

I understood perfectly at what she was getting at. That this would be a whole lot simpler if none of them were alive. The dead were easier to silence.

Disappearing them and fixing the window before anybody’s the wiser. That’s probably our bet. They wouldn’t be found to tell anyone about us and they wouldn’t be dead. Win win.

“ _Someone’s put in a call about the broken window…. This is not going well…._ ”

‘Fuck.’ Disappearing them was no longer viable. Had to stomp out the curiosity to peek out of the window. Eve’s covering outside and I’m her eyes on the inside.

“Put them into a coma until we’re in the clear or something,” I decided. That should shut the adults up at the very least. “Does the kid have someone he can stay with?”

“ _...I’d rather make an uncle. Keep an eye on him and not uproot his life too much. Let him visit the hospital. Should make him more cooperative with us._ ”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“ _But he’s bound to talk._ ”

“He might have a price.” Tossing the glass outside the broken window, I spotted the kid returning into the room with an armful of frozen produce. “Avoid the knife. Pile it on her.”

“Who are you?” the boy asked.

“Nobody. You’ll be going to your uncle’s.”

“…I don’t have an uncle.”

“You do now. He’ll take care of you, and we’ll take care of your mother.”

“What about him?” That kid did not like the man with the caved in face _at all_.

“You forget about me and the man who was here, and you’ll never have to see this guy again. How does that sound?”

“Daddy, he won’t hurt Mommy anymore…?”

“Yup, as long as you don’t say anything about this morning. All that happened was your parents got into a fight. You didn’t see anything. Deal?”

He nodded, rubbing at his eyes.

‘Ah shit. He’s crying. I don’t deal with crying people,’ I thought, kneeling down in front of the boy.

But then, he turned tail and ran right out of the room. “I’m getting more food!”

“And I’ll keep tossing glass….” Discreetly… somehow…. Make it seem like someone didn’t break in. That it was domestic fight that broke the glass.

Unexpectedly, fingers wrapped around my calf.

“The fu–Ack!”

Throwing glass at the guy was not… of any help. Nor was my head bouncing off the floorboards. With my world spinning, it probably was only a matter of time before he made my good ankle match the bum one with all the yanking.

Instinctively, my hand groped blindly at the floor for anything I could use to whack him with or something to stop my body from being dragged. When I finally managed to find my crutch, I swung only to have it caught in the wall. Slammed right through the drywall and got caught on a stud.

“Bloody hell.”

Before I could free the stupid metal support of mine, fat fingers wrapped around my neck. Fingers with the full weight of a man screaming down at me. There wasn’t much sense to the garbling, but blood sure got all over me.

‘AIDS. AIDS. AIDS. You better not fucking have AIDS!!!’ Or anything contagious.

“ _Val…? Your oxygen levels have dropped and your stress levels have spiked._ ”

I couldn’t reply. I couldn’t find my voice. It was being squeezed out of me.

“ _What is that blabbering? What the hell’s happening in there!?!_ ”

No matter how I squirmed around struggling with everything I had, he wouldn’t budge. His knee planted against my ribs. The fat fuck was going to break my bones!

“ _If you need your taser, you usually keep it in your right pocket._ ”

I had to fight my instincts to continue with the struggling and I knew I had to let go. Free up a hand to grab the taser and send electricity flooding into the body above mine.

The muscles in my neck twitched a tad from where his hands started to loosen. A punch to the side of his head helped guide him away from landing on me.

Gasping for breath, I pulled my legs out from under his. Be it temper or paranoia, I unleashed the taser on him a couple more times.

“ _Enough. I thought you wanted to save him._ ”

“Please… don’t hurt him,” a weak voice begged. The woman. The wife. The mother.

I huffed, scrambling across the floor for distance. “ _Shit_. He’s got me all over him.”

My skin was more than likely under those jagged nails of his.

‘Ah shit, forgot to ask Bucky if he was scratched….’

Checking through the drawers, I found a mechanical pencil and that would do for getting rid of nail scrapings of both the parents.

‘…His hair wasn’t tied up. _Shit_ ….’

“We need a cleaner. I can’t do all this in time,” I half panicked and almost lost my cool completely when I spotted a familiar cap. One that usually sat on the dresser in Bucky’s room.

‘Just what else did he leave here?’

“I need a vacuum.”

“ _We’ll take care of everything. Get to the back alley. You need to be gone before people arrive._ ”

“Huh? Okay…?”

That didn’t sit quite right with me, like this room. So clean except for the blood and upturned furniture. But we were out of time and with a shrug, I grabbed the cap and yanked my crutch out of the wall. On my way to the back door, I bumped into the kid.

“Hey kid. Everything will be alright. Help’s here. You mother is under my care so long as you forget us.”

With that, the front door opened and I quickly slipped out the back, pulling Bucky’s cap on so the bill would hide more of me. In the alley, a car was already idling.

“ _Climb in._ ”

Making sure my face was covered, I opened the door and dropped myself into the backseat. The driver and I never exchanged a word. Nor the next car I hopped into. Nor the next. I had no idea who they were, and knowing Eve, they were clueless as to who I was.

It was around then that it sunk in. This was not how I imagined parting ways with Bucky. The little house was far too dangerous for either of us. We both had to get out of D.C. now. It was semi safe when everyone thought we’d have booked it out of the city.

That’s what I thought until my eyes landed on the garage of the house I’ve been trapped in for the last few weeks.

“What the _fuck_ am I doing back here?!” I demanded, slamming the back door shut behind me and storming my way to the kitchen sink to clean the blood off me. “ _Eve_!!”

I shouldn’t be here. Not after that. This location’s likely compromised or about to be.

“ _I can’t move you_ ,” Eve replied, using the speakers now.

“Just what the hell is going on!?!”

“Valeriy?” Bucky called out, coming into the house through the back door at the crack of dawn.

“What the _fuck_ are you doing here?!”

He stumbled back a step right into the door. Fear so clear in those bright blue eyes. “I-I can explain.”

“I can’t – Shit. Just go sit on the couch, Bucky. I’ll be right there.”

A frown pulled at the corner of his lips, but yet he still turned on a heel and walked into the living room.

If Eve brought Bucky back here as well, something was _very_ wrong. Whatever’s happening, she still had plans that involved him. She would have jumped at the chance to squirrel him away. Far away from wherever we were until she was sure that he wouldn’t hurt any of us just because he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

‘Just what kind of fucked up trouble am I in…?’

“They’re alive,” I told him, hoping to lift the tension that hung in the air. It helped buy some time too. To quickly adjust the scarf to cover any bruising. To grab the roll of paper towels and fill a bowl with water.

“The mom’s alive?” With how small his voice was, it’s almost painful to listen to. Like he couldn’t dare to hope.

“Yup,” I chirped, sitting down next to him. A smile slapped on my face.

Bucky yanked his hand back when I grabbed onto it. Practically flinched at the contact.

“Hey, it’s okay. They’re both alive. The kid’s safe. Now, let me get that blood off you.”

He didn’t move away this time. Just sat there frowning. “…I didn’t stab her, Valeriy.”

I couldn’t help the laugh, which I quickly muffled at his massive frown. “Figured that wasn’t you, Bucky.”

Carefully, I pushed his hair out of his face to clean the droplets of blood there first. He’d probably need a shower. Some blood got in his hair. Got some in mine as well.

“Not too surprised about what happened. Seems to be what you naturally do. Saving people.”

Bucky’s brow furrowed even more at the last bit. I was rather temped to try and push them part. Or to poke the corners of his mouth into some semblance of his norm. Maybe even a small smile. I like his smile. It’s pretty. And might never happen again. Unless he forgot himself… _maybe_.

Wiping the last little splatter off his cheek, I quirked a brow at him. “What? She’s covered in bruises and his hands are all banged up. It’s not hard to give you the benefit of the doubt either. Especially since I’m one of the people you saved, Bucky.”

He let me move onto his flesh hand, instead of yanking it away again. His knuckles weren’t even marred after what happened. I guess his skin was durable as well. Pretty sure that was the hand he was using. His metal arm would have struggled with him and probably would have left the man dead.

“The father… he saw my face,” he admitted in a small voice, panic seeping into it. “Valeriy, the kid. They both saw – ”

“It’s been taken care of.”

“What the hell did you do?”

“Bit of advice I learned from sticking my nose where I shouldn’t have. Can’t un-know things, so be careful what you ask.”

‘Oh now he thinks we’re like Hydra.’ At least that’s what it felt like with how he looked at me, backing away.

“They’re not dead. Isn’t that good enough? We’re making sure they stay alive. The father will be kept away from the kid. It’s what the kid wants,” I explained to him.

“…And the kid? What’s going to happen to him?”

I shrugged. “Eve’s keeping an eye on him. He’ll have someone to look after him.”

‘Don’t ask how I’m shutting the kid up. Don’t ask about the mother. _Please_ don’t ask about the mother.’

I won’t lie to him and I doubt he’d be alright with how we’re going to keep her in a coma for who knows how long. How I threatened a kid with his mother’s life. He might put the blame of my actions on himself. I couldn’t have that.

“ _If the two of you don’t mind spending most of your time upstairs quietly, then I can put the anthropophobic author in play. I can’t completely trust the soundproofing of this house._ ”

“How about we clean up? And then we’ll get cracking on that arm of yours.”

Whatever the fuck’s going on, it’s better for him to have use of both his arms. _As soon as possible_.

Bucky didn’t respond, merely stared at the scarf around my neck, guilt pouring out of him enough to choke a person. Thank goodness the scarf I grabbed was dark enough to hide whatever was underneath.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his right hand reaching out towards me.

The moment I spotted him hesitating, I tilted my head into his hand. He backed away so fast, as if I was on fire. Shock and horror so clear in those blue eyes.

I flashed him a toothy grin. Easily. Naturally. Nothing forced to it. “You didn’t hurt me, Bucky.”

“Then what’s that bruise you’re covering…?”

“Uhhh… Not caused by you? The fat fuck was rather… umm energetic? To which, before I forget to ask, do you want us to fix his face? We’re going to keep him alive either way.”

It’s rather amusing watching his thoughts morph the features of his face. The doubt. The anger. The utter confusion as to what the hell was coming out of my mouth.

“Why ask me?” were the words he decided on.

“You’re probably the only one who’d care? Eve and I don’t give a fuck. Though I do have half the mind to wire his jaw shut. The fat fuck could rot alive and the kid probably wouldn’t bat an eye.”

‘The wife might care, for some reason beyond me.’

“So the decision’s yours. You can think about it over a shower. You’ll feel better… probably. I need one too.”

I did not expect Bucky to grab the scarf when I was headed for the stairs. Would have choked if he didn’t let go as fast as he did. I quickly unravelled the thin piece of cloth and grabbed his right hand, fitting it around my neck.

“None of the bruises match up, yeah?” I said to those wide blue eyes, hoping to hell that was true.

Some sort of struggle could be seen on his face as his eyes flicked from my neck to my face. Almost questioning me about something I couldn’t piece together. Like he couldn’t believe that he wasn’t the one to mar the skin… maybe? But judging by how his fingers kept moving, he couldn’t find anything that matched his hand.

“This needs to be iced,” he said after some time.

“Probably. But I want to shower first. I can still feel his grubby paws on me.”

At that, Bucky’s knees bent and his shoulder knocked right where a knee had been before he hoisted me up. A quick push with my hands moved my weight off that sore spot.

“I shouldn’t have left you alone,” he murmured.

“Eh, I came out in one piece. Pretty used to things going sideways. Besides, I wanted you far away from that mess. Somewhere safe.”

I could hear a little huff from him. Though I felt most of it from the small shift of his shoulder I was currently draped over.

“ _Val, your parents are asking if you want those chocolate mints from Harrods’. How many boxes?_ ”

That came out of the blue. I hadn’t expecting anything. Especially with how I’m basically out of commission to them.

“Thre – Bucky? You like chocolate mint?”

The shoulder under me raised in what I assumed to be a shrug.

“It’s yummy, and crunchy, and melty. Five boxes please and thank you!”

“ _I shall pass that on and cut it down to three. You’re going to get sick of it by box two._ ”

To which I pouted like the child I am when I want to shove a bunch of sugar in my face.

As Bucky lowered me onto my feet in my bathroom, he mumbled into the top of my head. “Thank you… for stopping me.”

“What are friends for?” I grinned brightly.

“…Fix his face. It doesn’t have to be perfect.” With that, he closed the door behind him on his way out and I beamed a smirk at the camera.

“ _…Honestly wasn’t expecting that answer. I’m off my game._ ”

“Get on the bloody doctors already.”

 

******

 

“Aaaand… _there_. How’s that? That do anything?” I asked, twisting two stripped wire ends together and pulling my tweezers out of Bucky’s arm.

Those silver fingers made a fist. The movements slightly less twitchy than it was before. I could hear a gear whirring and skipping. Going to have to find that, eventually. It made the little tech geek left in me cringe. And with that spark of blue, I knew there were loose wires deeper in the arm.

“Better,” Bucky replied.

At that, I dropped one set of tweezers on my chest and blindly tapped on the muscled side next to me. My hand grabbed at the air and waited when the clacking of ball bearings filled the room. After a minute, Bucky handed me a can. A system we worked out over the last three days to use the epoxy spray to connect and waterproof the wires without me losing the damn wire trying to shake a stupid can.

“And that should be everything on the surface level,” I announced, tossing the can back to him.

“There’s not much of a difference.”

“The more important things should be towards the center? Better protected there. I’m guessing that’s where we’ll see the biggest improvements,” I commented, With a sigh, I started digging deeper into the arm, moving things a little to peek behind them and searching anything to be pushed back into place or a wire that needed reconnecting. I knew a few people who’d take all this apart in a fit of rage just so they could reorganise the mess in here.

“You’re not running for the bathroom as much anymore,” Bucky pointed out after some time.

I huffed in response. It’s why it took three days to get to deal with most of the surface damage. As good of a spot I was in couple minutes ago, going deeper into the arm definitely unsettled my stomach.

“You’ve helped a bunch though,” I commented. “Kept me out of my head. You haven’t flipped out either, for how much of a fuss you made before we started.”

“This arm could crush you,” he retorted almost instantly.

I laughed, shoving a gear into place. “Got my arm caught up in a security door or two, so nothing new. If that helps.”

“No. It doesn’t. It really doesn’t.”

“Eh.” I shrugged. Broken bones and the like never bothered me much unless I was in this very situation. Stuck and probably surrounded. Otherwise being an Ayers meant I head the best treatment. Only took a couple of months to be all dandy to do the next stupid thing that pops into my head.

Finding another wire, I couldn’t help but think, ‘Well, don’t you look important?’

Being all orange hanging out of another mysterious black box with a bunch of other wires running out of it, and it was old. Very old. Like a few other wires in here. The kind I haven’t seen used outside of Gramps’ ancient toys he made when he was my age. Maybe even younger.

‘Should probably update some of these wires…. Someday…. Maybe….’

Finding the other half of it, I stripped a portion of the insulation on each end before pulling them together for twisting.

Bucky all but screamed. His body seized up, recoiling away from me. His right arm cradled the left, almost hiding it. His shoulders hunched over, curling in on himself.

“Sorry. I’m sorry,” I quickly spewed out, removing my glasses and scrambling to sit up.

He shook his head, shrinking away to the other side of the bed. A shuddering breath filling his lungs. His lips parted but only a whimper escaped before he slammed it shut with a click of his teeth.

He braced against the headboard, getting his breathing under control. He sighed softly, his muscles relaxing with it. Forcing himself to calm down.

“I’m not going to lash out at you,” he mumbled.

“Huh?”

“You’re watching my every move.”

“Not because I think you’d go all grrr, Bucky.”

His brow twitched. signaling his doubt.

A heavy sigh escaped me. “That jolt fucked with your lung, didn’t it? Has it done that before?”

“A few times….”

“Has it happened before your arm got all wonky?”

Maybe that wasn’t the best question to ask from how his lips pulled into a frown and the muscle in his jaw jumped. An unpleasant memory.

‘I should have known that’ll bite us in the ass….’

The fact that his arm was so close to his lung. That the rather important organ was partially surrounded by metal. Probably to dissipate the force onto his skeletal structure.

Still, that box wasn’t a trap. I probably fucked up with which wire to connect, _hopefully_. I did not want to try and connect that wire to that box again.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I… I can’t gran– I’m so sorry…. It’ll happen again…. I have no idea what that connection is…. Might have something to do with a brain signal thing? And – and there’ll be other things. And I’ll fuck up again. And – ”

“I can handle it.”

He could. He really could. He handled hell. Those scars on his shoulder said as much. I could only hope they sedated him when they burned the vibranium alloy into him and that those were third degree burns. That he couldn’t feel it anymore. That the nerves were dead. I had a sinking feeling that it wasn’t the case.

The fact those scars were still red was muddling with the date as to when he got the arm. Scars said new. Ancient ass wiring said decades. Should check in with Amber about how scars healed.

“Valeriy?” His voice so soft. “I can handle it.”

I shook my head. “I can open the box. Break it down. Understand it before I do anything. It’ll… It’ll just take some time….”

“I can handle it. There’s no reason for you to feel guilty.”

I yanked off my glove, rubbing my eyes. “I’m sure you can handle it, Bucky, but that doesn’t mean you have to be zapped through my retarded guesswork. There’s no bloody reason to drag you through more pain.”

“…Everything’s been guesswork?”

It’s rather amazing how one could actually see his thoughts on his face.

“Your arm’s not the easiest thing. It’s an amalgamation of group work,” I stated. “Then add a bunch of peeps updating and repairing it. There’s _so_ much going on in there.”

‘Not to mention that some asshat smeared some chemical that ate through a shit ton of wires…. Oh… they were probably worried that there was a chance that Captain Rogers would pull him out of whatever the fuck brainwashing they did.

‘Have his arm malfunction and when they try to open up his arm, why not blow everybody to shit? _Yay_. He better not fucking ask about this. ‘Cause I don’t want to tell him that Hydra tried using his arm to blow up his best friend.’

“You can tell more than one person built this?” Bucky asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Huh? Yup. Everyone leaves a… signature? Like how they twist the wires or solder. Things like that. Counted about seven so far? It’s messy. All the repairs make it muddled. Some were probably completely replaced over the years? Makes getting an exact number impossible.”

Whatever I said, it had him wearing his thinking face again. Teeth chewing his bottom lip. Blue eyes seemingly reading invisible words painted in the air.

“…Doesn’t add up…” he whispered under his breath. The swollen bottom lip giving him a pouty look when he stopped chewing on it.

“What doesn’t add up?” I asked.

“This. You.”

“… _Huh_?”

“You sound unsure of everything, but your movements barely hesitate…. You know this stuff better than you pretend you do, don’t you?”

I huffed a laugh, shaking my head. “Sorry, not pretending. There are very few things I’m sure about. Bombs okay, I can deal with those. Fixing things? Barely. I’ve just been colour matching the wires?

“I know plenty of other people who are better suited for this. Gramps can take one glance at your arm and understand practically everything about it. Probably…. Looks like that to us normal folks.”

“ _And yet, he’d have blown up with everyone else on that short list you have in your head. Maybe, except for one. They may be better at fixing things, but you had the best chance of surviving the explosives. Even I didn’t think the eyes needed to be shifted over thinking they might be a safety switch._ ”

“Should just assume everyone’s a fucking sadistic bastard and a sneaky little bitch. Covers the ass better?”

With a few waves of my hand, Bucky let me pull and push his arm into back into place so I could continue searching for the damage done on purpose.

“Why would you learn to disarm bombs?” he asked after some time. Confusion so clear in his voice his brows were probably knitted together. “Where would the need come from?”

“It’s useful now?” I shrugged. “It used to be all fun and games? Took an interest in bombs from movies and T.V. shows. It got competitive between us after I got bored of trying to beat my best times with the old setups. Gramps an – uhh, he’d build a bunch to trip me up and I try not to get a stink bomb to the face. I learned real fast thanks to that. I swear I took more baths in tomato juice than water back then.”

At the rumbling growl next to my head, I quickly backed out of the arm barely in time to stop the tweezers from tearing out wires due to Bucky turning to face me.

When I pushed my glasses onto the top of my head, he had a glare leveled my way. Still just as intimidating as the first time. His body seemingly expanding to suck all the air from the room.

“This isn’t some _game_ ,” he snapped, practically seething through his clenched teeth. “I wouldn’t count that as experience with actual explosives. They didn’t put stink bombs in the arm, Valeriy. You could have died! Do you even realize that?!”

“But we’re not dead, are we? Nor is my father. It was supposed to be a fucking box of donuts. That’s the last time I was alone with my father. Probably the last time he was ever alone. He has security with him at all times since. And that bomb? That was meant to go kaboom. Not like the ones in your arm.”

“The ones in the arm are meant to _kill_.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t blow up when you so much as twitch, does it? At least, you were patient enough not to demand I have bomb out by the time you count to three.”

“Count of three?” he repeated. “What were you? A kid?”

“Ten? I was basically desensitized to bombs by then, thanks to those “games.” Been at them since I had the motor skills to grasp scissors. Probably would have been blown up if I hadn’t. I did _not_ handling the counting well.”

When I tried going back to his arm again, he lifted it out of my reach. Still wearing his thinking face.

“Seriously, Bucky? Fine. Eve, get something worked out for his arm to be fixed by someone el – ”

“ _How_ are you even the useless daughter?”

“…Huh…?”

“You can do all this _as a kid_. You can’t be useless.”

I shrugged. “There’s no way in hell I can compete with the likes of Gramps and now Amber. Yeah, sure, I could have been the go to bomb person, but that doesn’t earn the corporation anything… and thus, I’m useless. So when I was given a choice to stay hidden and be forgotten, I took it.

“It’s more important to me to enjoy what I’m doing. Have fun. I don’t care about being the best, and it gets old real fast being told to give up since I’ll never be the best. With the choice I made, I have the freedom to dabble in whatever I feel like. Gramps gets credited for a lot of the stuff I work on. Like the windows. Helped that my parents forgot that I’m not utterly dumb.”

“How can they even forget that?” Bucky blurted out.

“They forget a lot of things all the time. I don’t think they remember they have kids half the time. Father blacked out the whole bomb thing from his memories. Probably forgot about the raid. And the sniper…. _And_ the hunting “accident.” And whatever the fuck else I have to prevent since I took over their security. It’s not even funny how many people are pissed off at them for one bloody reason or another. Though a good chuck is related to the R &D and Security Departments….”

“Amber….”

“Yeah, people don’t like her messing with stuff they believe shouldn’t be modified or they think she’ll bring about some environmental or pandemic issue?”

“Not that. You’re in charge of her security…aren’t you?”

“…Yeah?”

“How are you even stuck in a house with me? Why were you even alone that night? She knew something was going to happen,” Bucky pieced together, waving a hand towards the camera in the corner. “You shouldn’t have been alone.”

“…Because I’m not in charge of my own security? The asshat who is I can’t even get fired for this crap. He’s a kid of one of our big clients…. Eve’s barely even officially involved with it. She’s using loopholes trying to cover the huge gaps the asshat leaves. I only clued into something being wrong when my security peeps decided to get fucking food poisoning as a team.”

The confusion on his face was rather cute. The fact that he was still trying to understand the nonsensicalness to this part of my life was almost amusing. Amber ignored it pretty quick. Devon disliked the parts he did know about. And I knew there was no point. Just a waste of time.

“And your brother?” he tried. “Where is he in all this?”

“Well protected. Like I could trust anyone else with his safety.”

“And you’re stuck with someone useless? Why wouldn’t you give both your children the best protection?”

I shrugged. “I have no shit as to what goes through their heads. All I know is I, as Valeriy Ayers, don’t earn the corporation enough to warrant such “extravagant spendings” or some shit like that. I’m no golden goose. Not like Gramps and Amber. Me doing the security shit might? Especially if I took on more clients like when I was a kid. But that’s all under a different name. So no credit to me.”

“If your parents knew what you do, you’d be better protected. You’d protect yourself.”

“ _I don’t think you want Val to be the one in charge of her own protection, Mr. Barnes. She’d use herself as bait more than she is now to root out those who would try something._ ”

It’s far too easy to see on his face the moment that he agreed with Eve.

I shook my head, attempting to laugh it all off. “This gives me distance and keeps me safe while letting me protect those I care for. If anyone figured out there’s a shadow head to our Security Department, they’d be chasing a ghost. Not me.

“I’m not willing to pay the price for that kind of protection. Gramps and Amber are basically stuck at one place. Never alone. Practically always working. I rather have some sort of normalcy on my off hours. To be able to have the freedom to wander around. To do my own thing when I feel like it. They have none of that.”

“But you’d be safe from the mess you are in now,” Bucky chided, looking very much like he meant crossing paths with him.

I shook my head, knowing well that if I had picked to be recognised I’d make myself a target of revenge and a wealth of information about our systems. That I still wouldn’t earn the corporation enough to be protected at the level I needed for the amount of information in my head that could cripple us. That I’d never be good enough for my parents even if I gave it my all. They had no room for second best. So why put that on myself?

“At least, I can trust you,” I stated simply.

Bucky huffed, glaring at some distant spot. “How can you trust me when I’ll probably end up killing you?”

“We are talking about you, right? The guy who keeps _saving_ me from random ass shit? Though mainly from the oven and stairs. Give yourself a little credit, Bucky.”

He didn’t respond. But his glare softened to a slight pout as the seconds passed. He wanted to believe it, and I wish he could see it. He’s not the monster they turned him into. There’s far more to him.

Besides if he had an ambitious agenda, he would have done something. Like one of my roommates in freshman year, when she figured out who I was. Or a couple of my security guards who weren’t vetted properly. Thought it a good way to make a quick buck or two.

Shaking off the conversation, I asked, “Now can I get back to your arm? Or you rather we figure a way with someone else?”

“Gloves,” he responded, tossing them back my way.

Had _seriously_ hoped he forgot them.

 

******

 

“Whoot! That should be it for the simple stuff!” I cheered, giggling as a gear shifted into place. “How’s that?”

Bucky put his arm through the motions, even shifting the plates that were attached. There was still the slightest twitch in his fingers. Most definitely not the norm. Not for the great sniper during the Second World War from how Gramps talked about him. No amazing shots with that tremor.

But he gave a nod of approval.

“What’s left are the questionable stuff…? Eve, we’re going to follow the old ass orange wire. See what that’s attached to,” I said, repositioning the snake cam back into the upper arm.

Wiggling myself into position, we started following the orange wire. Eve controlling the snake cam, I clearing a path and Bucky keeping still or watching more Mythbusters. No idea if he’s been paying attention to it.

“ _So_ , don’t feel like you have to answer this but once this is all fixed up, what are your plans?” I tried when the feeling of wanting to hurl began to creep up on me.

“I… I don’t know…” he muttered. “I need to get Hydra out of my head. They did something to me. There was this… _chair_ …. I can’t remember anything after I… after they… after… after…?”

“The head, huh?” I hummed.

“It hurt….” His voice cracking when he admitted it.

“If it’s the head, maybe I can get Amber to look? She’s been working with brain stuff for a few years now. She might figure out something? What they did. Or what you can do about it?”

“You’d put her in danger?”

“….”

Apparently both of us knew that I’d never risk Bucky forgetting himself anywhere near Amber. I wouldn’t risk her being in the same room as a child with a pair of safety scissors, if I had any say. Then again, her love of deadly pathogens and poisons made everything moot.

“I can figure a way around it…? It’s worth a shot.”

Bucky fell into silence, and I bit my tongue. Best not shove my foot further into my mouth.

“They said I was a gift to mankind,” he mumbled after a long awkward silence. “That I shaped the century. They made me sound like… like I was a hero…. That I was doing good, but I… wasn’t. I killed so many…. I tried to kill a real hero…. The man the exhibit said was my…. He was my… my mission.”

‘Oh shit.’ The last thing anyone needed was for Bucky to dash off in a ‘seek and destroy’ mindset. “You’re… ummm….”

“Going to stay away from him. I need to get Hydra out of my head before I even consider going near St…. I can’t risk it. I need to stay away. Where I can’t hurt him anymo – ”

“ _Hold still!! Both of you!_ ” Eve demanded as a current ran rampant through Bucky’s arm.

I really shouldn’t have convinced Bucky to let me work without the insulated gloves. Pretty sure between Bucky’s movements and mine, we ripped through at least one wire somewhere.

“ _Is it over? Do you want me to back out? Do you need to go hurl again?_ ”

“I don’t,” I snapped, feeling the ghost of pins and needles from the shock.

“ _Mr. Barnes going to go berserk on us?_ ”

“Oi! Play nice, Eve.”

“Sorry,” that husky voice mumbled, readjusting his arm a tad to return it to its spot perched on the top of my knees. “I didn’t mean – ”

“Don’t sweat it, Bucky. Do you need a break?”

“I’m good.”

“Then we keep going, Eve,” I ordered, anchoring my elbows on my thighs and the side of my wrists against the metal plates left on his arm. “Well that sure explains the jolt. We found the power source… I think?”

For some reason or another, this thing was contained in a clear box. Made it pretty to look at and less mysterious than all the other nondescript black boxes.

“Hey Eve, doesn’t this look familiar? I think that might be a… a generator? The fuck?”

“It’s not a battery? Shouldn’t it be a battery?” Bucky questioned.

“Actually that makes a lot of sense. Little fuzzy on the exact input, but this should… probably… generates power on an as needed… basis? But I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this concept before…. Could probably figure out how to reboot the thing if it ever stops?”

“ _It doesn’t match anything in the database._ ”

“Of course it’s not. It’s not _actually_ Gramps’ work. It’s one of the concepts he’s tinkered with? You can back out now. I got what I needed. Just have to figure out what needs to be powered….”

The camera image backed up, as I carefully maneuvered my way out.

Bucky’s been missing for seventy years. Most likely they had time him the whole time. Everything about the arm said that it was old. Older than me. Probably as old as my parents. Maybe older. Going by some of the wires. Some of the circuitry. The fact that the seventies was when Gramps was driven out of alternative energies by the oil companies that ran off with a couple of his toes. Old and at the edge of its time. Of this time still.

But the scars screamed recent. Even if there were better ways to do some of the things in the arm.

“ _Still can’t find anything that looks similar._ ”

“I swear I’ve seen something like this before. Anything this old has to be from Gramps’ stuff. Probably before your time too. You know what? Just gather all his notes on the thingies for me. I’m curious as to when Hydra poked around his stuff. See if we need to completely clean house.”

“ _My house is clean,_ ” she insisted vehemently. “ _It’s my top priority. They’re not in my house!_ ”

“Whoa, calm down, Eve. Better safe than sorry. It’s not like SHIELD had any ideas.”

“ _My house is fucking clean!!!_ ”

“…Mind going back…? I missed a repair….”

With a “humph” from Eve, the camera crept forwards until I spotted the broken wire. I carefully shifted the two tweezers to one hand. One held the wire. The other gave me some room to work with. Bucky handed me the shaken polymer spray can. With a slightest movement of my left hand, the wire slid into place, ready for the polymer nozzle to get into position.

Pain slammed into my wrist, forearm and chest. Then my back. When I tried to straighten out, I couldn’t. I was stuck.

“Bucky!” I called out. “Don’t move! Please tell me you’re still there…?”

Eve cleared the lenses of my glasses to show the room instead of static from a disconnected snake cam.

Bucky, on his feet. Eyes darted from me to the door and back. With every iteration, his shoulders tensed more and more as his fists clenched tighter and tighter.

“I’m here,” he gritted out. Blood dripped from his right hand, and then the electricity must have flared up in his left. Strong enough to drop him to his knees. He needed to calm down.

“Bucky. Eyes, here. Breathe with me.”

“Order me to leave!” he half choked out.

“Look here and _breathe_ with me.”

“You’re stuck in a wall! Tell me to leave…. _Please_ ….”

“…No….”

“Why the hell not?! I just sent you into a _wall_!!”

“Because I’m stuck…?”

I tried to demonstrate by flapping my hands and lower legs, but that didn’t go so well. So many joints just _hurt_. With my elbows tucked between my stomach and thighs, I wasn’t going anywhere with my ass planted in the wall.

“So would you please focus on the fact that this was all an accident?”

Really wasn’t looking forward to Eve deciding that she should attempt to free me with a door whack to the face and push me through the wall.

A shaky breath drew into his body and those haunted blue eyes focused on me. A whirlwind of emotions in those depths. Mostly self-loathing. I offered him a friendly smile and attempted a deep breath to set the pace only to find out that I didn’t have room for that. But Bucky seemed like he was calming down. Slowly. The shaking in his shoulders lessened. His eyes dropped to the floor.

“Is anything broken?” he asked in the smallest voice.

“Nope. I’m not you. You’d know if I was seriously injured,” I joked and shut my mouth at his glare.

The man’s glare was far more intense than those of the people who actually meant me physical harm when I pissed them off.

“I probably just need some ice on my ankle and wrist. And maybe to get out of this wall?”

Bucky stared down at his own hands, grimacing at the metal and blood. He wiped his right hand on his shirt as he slipped his left back through the sleeve. Effectively hiding a part of himself he hated.

Unsure steps drew him closer to me. Each could be heard, as if he was announcing his intentions. That he was getting closer. His shoulders slumped. His head ducked. Probably trying to make himself smaller. Less intimidating.

But all I saw was the guilt twisting that beautiful face of his.

“I’m so sorry, Valeriy.”

I couldn’t disguise the wince when I tried to wave off the tension with a hand and a grin. “Bucky, accidents happen.”

He kept his left arm far from me when he closed the distance. Practically shuffling sideways. His right hand broke through the dry wall to curl around my waist. He gently pulled and lifted me out of the hole. Again flooring me with just how controlled his strength was. As he lowered me onto the edge of the bed, there wasn’t even a tremble. He struck the perfect balance of security and lightness with his hold.

Bucky reached up with his right hand and I met his stare with a soft smile. He hesitated for a heartbeat before his fingers dusted the top of my head, filling the air with plaster dust. He systematically plucked pieces of dry wall off me.

I stayed still, letting him do whatever he wanted. Whatever he needed to help ease that vicious conscience of his. Even if it’s just by a pinch.

I couldn’t help the ticklish shiver that raced down my spine when the back of his fingers barely brushed against the nape of my neck.

He inhaled sharply through his nose. His foot slid him backwards. His hand snapped away, but not before I caught it in mine. He flinched, likely expecting pain or punishment, and I winced from the tenderness of my wrist

I squeezed down on his fingers. “Bucky…” I kept my voice soft, but I didn’t know how to continue. I knew there was no way I could plead away the self-loathing that consumed him.

‘What would Devon do…?’ I searched my memories for answers. Anything. We never had to deal with someone who lived in such fear. Mostly of himself.

Bucky tore his hand out of mine. He turned away, walking for the door, and I caught a glimpse of his brows knitting together in anguish.

“Bucky….” Again, words left me.

Shoulders sagged. Head hung low. He glanced over his shoulder for a second. “Ice.”

Relief flooded me. He wasn’t booking it to the farthest corner of the world. After all, there was nothing keeping him here. I had no idea if we could keep him out of Hydra’s hands if he was running from us as well.

“ _Are you alright, Val?_ ”

“All good. I missed the studs. No worse than when I fuck up the landings on the balance beams.”

I got off the bed to shake off the remainder of the drywall dust from my hair and clothing. Every movement was tender.

‘It’s going to be a pain in the ass to work with this….’

And I still needed to assess the damage done to his arm from that wild swing.

“Oh shit, please tell me he didn’t hurt himself.”

“I’m not the one you should be worried about,” Bucky stated, coming back into the room with three bags of ice. He didn’t smell of blood. His movements looked normal. “You should have strapped me down.”

“What am I supposed to do? I doubt duct taping your arm to the wall would work…. Ooooh! You! When I fix up that wire, I’ll have you hold down your own arm.”

“I sent you into a wall, and you’d _trust_ me not to do it again?”

“Yeah?” I shrugged, seeing no problem with it.

“How blind can you be!? I can’t control myself half the time! This… This _arm_ … it’s stronger than me.”

I grabbed onto his hand, and still he flinched. “If this was on purpose, this would be going down very differently. And I don’t doubt the arm could send me _through_ a few walls. But this wasn’t on purpose and I don’t have broken bones. So all’s good.”

I had to tilt my head at an odd angle to chase his eyes. He refused to make any eye contact, staring at different spots in the carpet whenever my face got in the way. When he squeezed his eyes shut, I shook his hand a little.

“This was an accident, Bucky. So we’ll learn and adapt. Simple. A little time to understand the generator and I’ll have precautions figured out. Not entirely a reckless dumb idiot. And I’m not the only half blind one here. We see things a little differently.”

Bucky finally opened his eyes and I smiled softly. From how his features contorted, that conscience of his was absolutely vicious. He sighed heavily, settling down on the very edge of the bed. Any closer to the edge, he’d probably slide right off. He swung his head a little, motioning for me to get off my feet.

“Look at you,” he grumbled, hesitantly taking an arm of mine to check over. “You just met me and you’re black and blue.”

Maybe I should have adopted his style of long sleeved everything.

“Pretty sure I’d probably be missing chunks of myself if I hadn’t met you,” I countered. “Gramps is missing a couple of toes from not cooperating.” I myself almost lost an ear. “I don’t know about you. But this over that _any_ day. Cut yourself some slack, Bucky.”

“If I’m around, you’re not going to heal. I’m only putting you in danger.”

When he turned to leave, I latched onto his hand again. But this time it was his left. The metal unyielding between my fingers. I tugged back when he tried to ease out of my grip. His fingers twitched just the slightest. His whole body went rigid. But it wasn’t from his arm shocking him, I would have felt that.

“If…” I started, feeling my voice crack. “If I leave first, I’ll tell you…. If you leave first, you’ll tell me…? We still have that deal?”

Bucky gave a curt nod and I had no choice but to let go. He slipped out of the room, and I had to trust that he’d keep his word. That I wouldn’t wake up alone, not knowing what happened to him.

“ _He’s locked himself in his bathroom, if you’re worried._ ”

I nodded with a shaky exhale.

“ _I… I will let you know if his levels indicate injuries…._ ”

“Th-thanks.”

Before any emotions about the whole accident could set in, I grabbed the ice packs and duct tape to have the bags stick to the proper spots for when I dove back into the rabbit hole of research. Hopefully everything had been digitized. It’d take some time to sift through about three decade’s worth of scribbles. Long enough to distract me from everything else.

“Let’s get down to work. Pull up Gramps’ notes on the thingies, please and thank you.”

“ _The word is_ generators _. Use your English. It’s the only language you know._ ”

I flipped her the bird and regretted the movement.

Bucky needed space.

I respected that, so I’ll back off. For a few hours.

 

******

 


	12. Valeriy Ayers - Demons Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hustled my butt off and managed to post before a month. YAY. ^^
> 
> Sorry for the slow updates. 
> 
> Would really help if my chapters were a little shorter.... But alas, editing somehow makes it twice as long... or in this chapter's case, three times.

 

******

 

“How long has he been in there?” I asked. A heavy frown on my face while I reluctantly pulled on a long sleeve shirt. Bucky did not need to be reminded of the bruises I sported. ‘Ewww… this feels so warm….’

“ _51 hours._ ”

“…What happened to the _last two bloody days_?!” I quickly hobbled my way to Bucky’s room.

“ _You passed out for about 18 hours, and with your habit of losing track of time…._ ”

“Bucky…?” I called out, knocking on his bathroom door.

It scared me, honestly, to find out what’s on the other side of this door. I knew how the mind could twist everything. Thoughts that could tear one to pieces. His was likely far worse. 51 hours trapped with them, I had to wonder if my friend’s still inside there.

After a minute or so, I tried again. “Bucky? You hungry?”

It was another long silence, but eventually he spat out an answer. “No.”

Followed by a loud grumble of his stomach disagreeing. Hunger probably the way to start a conversation. That thing, I suspected, was likely to be a bottomless pit.

“I’m not hungry,” he insisted.

“Okay.” I eased down next to the door. ‘At least you’re willing to talk….’ I could work with that. “You haven’t hurt yourself, have you?”

It was another tense minute, before a muffled voice came through the door. “I haven’t…. You?”

“Was in bed the whole time.”

“You need to stay away from me. It’s too dangerous.”

I sighed a little. “This isn’t a fully equipped lab. Kind of have to be in the same room to fix that arm of yours. I also have to check for the damage I did.”

“No.”

“…No?”

“No. You’re not fixing the arm.”

“Why the hell not?!”

“Do you need to ask that?! After what I did?! I’m a monster!! Why can’t you see it!?!”

“Because you’re not one?”

“Tell that to all those innocent people I killed!”

“….”

Yeah, okay, he’s most definitely intimidating as fuck when he wanted to be. Pretty sure no unenhanced human could stand a chance with his strength and speed. Probably do fine against a bear with his bare hands….

“…Did you think they were innocent when you pulled the trigger?” I tried.

“What…?”

“You mentioned how they said you’re a war hero. That they stripped you of the ability to remember anything. Probably meant that brainwashing and reprogramming wasn’t enough for them to – ”

“What would you know?!” Bucky practically spat out in a hiss. “You’re just a kid!”

‘Ouch?’ I glanced at the camera in the hallway. “Eve, you talk.”

He wouldn’t believe what I have to say.

“ _I don’t have information about reprogrammi –_ ”

“I play dumb, Eve. I’m not an actual blithering idiot. You’re the one who keeps my parents updated on Amber’s research.”

A long pause hung between us before a heavy sigh passed through the speakers. “ _You’re not supposed to know that._ ”

“When it involves Amber’s labs becoming a revolving door for imprisoned psychopaths, of course I’ll know. Pretend I’m not here. You’re talking to Bucky.”

“ _…From Amber’s research into manipulating a person’s action to personality, adding a trait to a person has yet been successful._ ”

“So I am a monster. All they had to do was point me at someone,” Bucky’s muffled voice mumbled.

“I suggest getting to the point before the details,” I snapped.

“ _It’s barely a step away from what the American military made you do. Things you did to keep your Captain’s image pristine. Heroic and loyal. If they framed everything up correctly, you were theirs. They_ had _to scramble your brains, tell you that you’re on their side, that you’re doing_ good _._

“ _If you were the rare type of person who couldn’t kill no matter the circumstances, then they couldn’t have done anything to make you. None of the brainwashing techniques out there, cults, governments, not even Amber has been able to add to a person. People are complex enough that with the right combinations of traits repressed and brought forth, not even their friends and family can recognise them without the appearance. Altering memories removes a person further from who they were. Amber has yet been able to activate true emotions in psychopaths._ ”

“Got them damn good at faking it though…” I muttered rather bitterly. “Hang on. Hydra’s methods…? They’re advanced, going by the stuff in Bucky’s arm. They’ve been at this far longer than Amber has and I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve collected people on par with her.”

“ _There are a few I know of. Hydra’s network is always larger than you think. As for their work on mind control, it’s based off of the work of Johann Fennhoff also known as Viktor Ivchenko. They haven’t figured out how to add things either._ ”

“…I… I killed children….” His voice barely carried through the doors.

‘They had him do _what…_? How the fuck do I untalk that?’

I couldn’t figure out where to even begin with how they could have made that a sensible mission that Bucky followed through. Pulling out my phone, I quickly made a note to ask Amber if there was a way to make a person see a child as an adult.

“It didn’t matter who they were…. They gave me a target, and I killed them. I don’t even know why…. Can you really call me a hero, Valeriy?”

All things considered, and as a combative hero, “Yea – ”

“This isn’t real…. This can’t be _real_.”

‘Oh fuck…. This is bad.’ My fingers flew across the touchscreen keyboard of my phone. _Door. Open._

_No_. was Eve’s reply on the screen.

“This is just a dream…. This is a dream… This isn’t real.”

_NOW._

_No._

“This isn’t real!! Wake up! Wake up!!!”

‘Is he…? That better not be his head bashing against the wall!’

_I’m kicking my way throu_

“ _I swear I’m going to leave you in a steel crate, Val._ ” And as I flipped her the bird, she opened the door to a surprisingly intact bathroom. Actually, it was pristine. Especially since it _was_ his head he was knocking against the wall tiles.

Bucky immediately froze. Eyes widened like a deer in headlights. A moment passed and fear took over. He scrambled onto his feet, matching my every step to keep distance between us.

A snap of the towel and I managed to wrap up his left arm with a flinch from him. A yelp echoed off the walls when the back of his knees hit the bathtub. His body toppled into the basin.

Without missing a beat, Eve unleashed the shower on him. Bucky gasped, and pure panic froze him in place.

‘Oh those asshats probably just hosed him down.’ Doubt they even bothered with any sort of warmed water.

We did not need him pulled back to that time. My body took the brunt of the freezing water. At least it wasn’t pelting him. I reached for the faucet, and a high pitched blip told me that Eve caught on.

My eyes honed in on those terrified blue ones. My hands cupped the sides of his face. His muscles coiled in tension, but he held my gaze. Confusion peeking through fear.

“I’m sorry it’s so cold. It’ll warm up soon, Bucky. Use the water to keep you in the moment. Hydra doesn’t have you. You’re here. With me. You’re free, Bucky. They don’t have you. You are _free_.”

A shuddering breath filled his lungs. He heard me…. He’s listening. That’s a start.

“We can’t change the past. As much as it shapes who we are, the future is for us to decide. You’re free to choose, Bucky, who you want to be _now_.”

I could barely make out the tears mingling with the water that poured down on us. The doubt that greeted me in his eyes, it scared me. I knew just how hopeless this battle was. He could easily dismiss me as an illusion. Bucky’s the only one who could fight it and he’s on the enemy side, ripping himself apart.

But I had to try.

“You saved that boy and mother from his father of your own free will. They’re all alive. You didn’t kill anyone there. You saved a girl from eight kidnappers, and all nine of them are alive. You didn’t kill them either.”

“You’re not real. You can’t be real.” He struggled a bit, probably trying to sink through the tub. His head turned away from me. His eyes fell shut. “You can’t be real. You’re not real!!”

“That was an accident, Bucky, and it was my fault. You weren’t the one who reconnected the wires. You never hurt me. Everything was just your arm on the fritz. You never meant for any of that to happen. Once your arm is all patched up, it’ll be all good.”

“I don’t want it,” Bucky mumbled with half a pout. “It’s only ever killed. It hurts people.”

“Ehhh, not anymore? It’s helped me a bunch. To relearn how to love something that was once my world.” I grinned brightly at the blue eyes that snapped open to meet me. “Somewhere between not blowing us up and finding the power source, I had fun. Your arm’s not all bad.”

Bucky’s shoulders shook under my arms. His cheek nuzzled against my hand. A whimper escaped him as he curled into himself. Made himself tiny. But there was no resistance when I forced his left arm back out of the water. Neither of us needed to be electrocuted in the tub.

Gathering him in my arms, I whispered into the side of his head, “This is real. You’re real. I’m real. We’re friends. We shared sandwiches. It’s all _real_. Please… this is real, Bucky.”

“Okay,” he mumbled into my neck before breaking down into heart wrenching sobs. His right arm wrapped around my back and pulled me into the ball he made of himself.

I held onto him tighter, hoping that he’d find some anchor in the now. I went back to the head scratching he had liked when he had forgotten everything. Anything to give him some form of comfort.

I had no idea how much time had passed but eventually Bucky’s arm loosened up and his head pulled back. I peered down at him and offered a soft smile to those bright blue eyes.

“You with me, Bucky?”

He silently nodded, pulling a larger grin from me. The long wet hair made him rather similar to an abandoned puppy left out in the rain. His eyes dropped from mine to his arm and he quickly backed away, letting me go.

A laugh escaped me and I flopped down next to him in the tub, staring up at the shower head for a second before I decided it hurt my eyeballs.

“Eve… why the fuck is the water still so cold?” It wasn’t freezing but it wasn’t exactly near room temperature either.

“ _This is the regular temperature Mr. Barnes showers at._ ”

“…What…? Yo, we have hot water. Why are you showering in cold water?”

“I was saving the hot water for… for….” Bucky’s brows furrowed in confusion. “I don’t know… I can’t… can’t remember….”

I wrapped my arm around his neck, pulling him a little closer. “Maybe you’ll remember in time. But for now, you can use all the hot water you want, ‘kay?”

Eve seemed to have clued in. The water started warming up.

“This is so embarrassing…” he mumbled, hiding his face behind his flesh hand, to which I started poking at his muscly bicep for whatever reason. Maybe to ease the heaviness in the air just a tad.

In response, he lightly swatted at the poking. As if shooing a fly.

“Hey, Bucky?”

“Hmmm?”

“Should probably figure out something you can do easily that Hydra wouldn’t let you. So you can use it to remind yourself you’re not with them.”

This time I couldn’t resist, running a thumb across one of his furrowed brows in attempt to part them. The pure confusion that bloomed on his face from that was priceless.

“Anything would do. Something you want to do. Probably something you weren’t allowed to. One of mine is being doused in cold water,” I said, motioning to the shower head. “Kind of shocks me back into the present. It’s safer than doing stupid shit while sky diving? Or trying to beat my record on the off road biking trail….”

A thoughtful half frown, half pout pulled at his lips before he said, “I want to go outside.”

“Alright then.” I turned off the shower and sloppily got onto my feet, holding a hand out to him. “Let me put the plates back in, and then you can go wherever you want. How does that sound?”

“Sounds g – ….” He glanced at his metal arm and shook his head.

“It’s going to be safe. Just keep your arm relaxed and nothing will really happen. Got to test this, but my theory is that the power increases depending on your commands on the arm. Like when you tense it, it’ll be whipping out power more than relaxing it.”

Bucky looked up at me, then at my hand and gave me only his fingers to hold. He got up on his own power before I could even try to tug him up.

I yanked on his hand to the side. Since I physically couldn’t pull him to me, I stumbled into wrapping my arms around his ribcage, squeezing tightly. He practically turned into a statue from how much he tensed up. I rubbed his back a little with my hand, trying to ease whatever he was feeling.

“I believe in you, Bucky,” I half mumbled into his chest. “That you don’t want to kill or hurt people.”

It was a couple seconds before he shifted forwards, his arm winding around the back of my waist. The next thing I knew, I was probably a foot off the tub, and with a little bounce from him, he stepped onto the tub edge. Instead of just dropping me, he gentle lowered me onto my feet with another bend of his knees.

“It’s easier if I just lift you over my shoulder. Less risk of hurting you,” he stated, taking a couple steps back and out of my reach.

“Bucky…? That was a hug….”

 

******

 

“ _I thought you trusted him._ ”

“I do.”

“ _Then why are you raiding my gun safe?_ ”

“Since you haven’t been able to move me, pretty sure I might need a few things in here.”

Like a little pouch of drugs. Amber’s special blends. I do not want to use these, but if shit hits the fan, I didn’t want to be without them.

“Bucky’s alright, yeah?” He’d been out for a few hours and the sun had already set.

“ _Mr. Barnes is on his way back. 15 minutes out._ ”

That was enough time to pilfer his closet for some clothes for the bugout bag.

“Why is it that you call him Mr. Barnes? You refer to Apple Pie by his name and rank.”

“ _Call it a hunch. I wouldn’t try calling him Sergeant Barnes. Unlike Captain Rogers._ ”

‘Why how secretive of you, Eve. Getting so fucking tired of dealing with this shit….’

The one secret of hers I needed to figure out fast was why she hasn’t been able to move me out of this stupid house. She’s made it clear that her hands were rather tied on this matter. That I probably shouldn’t rely on family connections to dig myself out. Between Bucky’s arm and keeping an eye on family safety, I wasn’t left with much time to search for a few places to hide out until Jekyll gives up, or how to get there.

But as annoying as she was at the moment, Eve wasn’t wrong about the words Sergeant Barnes. The first and last time I tried, his eyes went wide as if he saw a ghost. Even went a little green. Probably remembered something highly unpleasant.

‘He might like the dart gun better.’

Less fatal. Less damage in general. Though he’d probably have much better aim with real bullets, even if we did try to make the dart guns’ handle as similar as we could get it. Or so I’ve been told. Highly doubt Hydra had him playing with dart guns. Then again, he’d probably figure out all the quirks in a couple of shots.

So I packed two dart guns, a box full of empty bullet sized darts, and a bottle of sedatives. With a fleeting thought of childhood stories from Gramps, I snatched a rifle as well.

“ _If that’s for Mr. Barnes, I’d suggest the one with the electronic firing mechanism. It’ll let me disable the gun if he goes sideways on you._ ”

“….”

“ _I’ll let you keep your oddly blind faith in him. He could use someone in his corner. But I didn’t raise you to be this dumb, Val. He’s not the man in Father’s stories. Not anymore. He’s dangerous and unstable._ ”

“It’s not blind faith.”

Not completely.

“And he has people in his corner. Apple Pie. Gramps. _Hopefully_ , he has a chance to find who he is now before people force him into a bloody peg hole. Like you are. He’s not a tool, Eve.”

“ _I do what I can to protect you. You’ll understand eventually._ ”

“What if I don’t want to understand….?”

‘Much rather _leave_ the stones unturned.’

“ _How long do you think you can blind yourself, before you wake up to nothing? Run and hide all you like –_ ”

“I have to… even if I’m tired of the collateral damage around this family….”

“ _I can’t have you being one of those causalities._ ”

“Too useful of a bait?”

“ _You do bring the unsavoury people into my realm of operations._ ”

‘Then why the fuck is Jekyll still up and running?’ We should have dismantled and absorbed them by now….

“ _But at the end of the day, we love you, Val. Though I must admit that some of us are worse than others at showing it._ ”

“….”

Pushing the words to the back of my mind, I checked my pack. ‘Tools, guns, ammo, first aid, Amber’s blends, cash, food and… I don’t want to haul around water….’ But two bottles were better than nothing. Seeing the logic in Eve’s words, I switched the rifle, and shuffled for the entrance of the crawl space in the basement.

A misstep on the way down and the boxes I piled up as a staircase scattered, taking me with them. “Ow, I think this hurts more than the wall.” Tiles were no fun.

“ _You landed in a pile of Lego blocks… if you haven’t figured it out yet._ ”

“Why is there Lego here?” I groaned, trying to move without having sharp corners dig into me. It wasn’t working. My limbs just slid around with those damn corners.

“ _Some of my people like to interact with physical things. Not just a holographic game plan. Perfect, my door is stuck. You managed to barricade yourself in…._ ”

“I managed to bury myself too.” I kicked a box off me, flailing about rather unsuccessfully, and then everything went dark. Pitch black.

“ _Val, listen to me. Hold it toge –_ ”

‘Nononononopleasenononono.’

I couldn’t breathe. The air felt so thick. I couldn’t move. No matter what I did, my limbs slid away from me. But I couldn’t feel anything pulling on my wrists or ankles. So I shouldn’t be tied down.

‘EscapeIcanescape. Where…? Wheredoordoordoordoor Haveto – Have to find. Need door…. Before – before he comes…. Can’t… I can’t do this again.’

Suddenly everything went cold and I choked on a waterlogged gasp.

Hands pulled at my hair. One tucked under my chin, forcing my head up. Hard and unforgiving. In a panic, I bit down, catching nothing.

“You’re going to break your teeth on that, Valeriy.”

I knew that voice. In the darkness with a click and a beam of light, a familiar face appeared.

“Bucky…?” The name burned my throat.

He quickly hushed me with a finger to my lips. “Your voice needs rest. You wouldn’t stop screaming.” He quickly snapped his hand back when I tried to bite off his finger. “Valeriy, I’m not trying to hurt you.” His voice soft, lacking in irritation and easing my tattered nerves.

When he shined the flashlight at my face, I couldn’t help but try to wince away from the bright light. His grip on my chin didn’t let me move much. Those bright blue eyes searching my face. For what? I had no idea.

‘They’re blue…? Not brown. Blue. Blue eyes. Bucky. Not him. It’s Bucky.’

Almost seemed like a peace offering the way he held out the flashlight. I half expected him to pull it out of reach before I could touch it, but he didn’t. He let me snatch it right out of his hand.

I tilted my body to the side, trying to peer around him with the help of the light. ‘Basement bathroom. D.C. Puppet house.’

“There’s nobody else in the house. Just the two of us… and her…” he said, waving a hand loosely about the room and slightly towards the camera. “Let’s get you out before you freeze to death.”

The shower turned off. Towels draped around me. A careful arm scooped me up off the cold tile, cradling me against a warm chest.

He kept glancing down, probably paranoid that I’d take a chunk out of his neck if given the chance. And I don’t blame him. I just might try.

“ _There’s a power outage in the neighbourhood. Be careful wandering around the house. The windows aren’t connected to the backup generator. They take up too much power. So the lights won’t be working either. Would be bad if we stood out. Everything else is perfectly functioning._ ”

“G- _Great_ ,” I huffed out shakily. “You can smack us silly with the doors in the dark.” I really did scream my throat raw…. I sound like an old bat who’s been smoking a couple packs a day.

“Quit talking,” Bucky chided and stopped his steady swaying with each step he took. “I can’t see where I’m going if you shine that thing in my eyes, Valeriy.”

I pulled at the ends of the flashlight clutched in my hands, and pulled out the frosted plastic. The lantern feature. The darkness all around us ran away. At least for the basement hallway.

“ _Now_ what are you doing?” he demanded softly, though he wasn’t moving his head away from my fingers that pulled and lightly scratched at his face.

‘No mask. No wig.’

He even patiently faced me when I tried to turn his head. His brow rose in question, as he came to a stop in the middle of the stairs. There were no clear rings around his irises.

‘No contacts. Blue eyes. Bucky.’

I tried to pull a smile, but I could feel the muscles twitching. It probably looked hideous with the under lighting.

“I’m going to need you to turn off the light for a bit.”

The words felt like a stake to the heart. The air suffocating me. The fear strangling me.

“…Or not. The light can stay on,” he said softly, lowering me until I sat on the steps curled up around the flashlight.

“S-s-sor – ”

“Hush. Your voice needs rest.”

When he reached for the light, my instincts was to kick out. And somewhere inside me, I was glad his reflexes were damn quick, catching my bad ankle before I could hurt either of us.

“Wasn’t going to turn it off. It’s too bright to go upstairs. They’ll see, and you don’t like the basement.”

‘How does he know that?’ One too many horror movies to thank for that.

Didn’t help that the edges of my vision were darkening. As much as I tried to use the flashlight to clear it, the smart part of me knew it wasn’t going to do a thing.

“…Valeriy, listen to me. Close your eyes,” Bucky said in a calm voice, kneeling down in front of me on a lower step.

I tried but my ribs felt constricted at the very thought. I shook my head desperately. Every time I blinked, I fell back _there_.

“Alright. How about taking big breath? You can do it. There you go. One.”

“ _I’d suggest you count backwards._ ”

“…Three. Two. One. Let it out. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One…. Another deep breath. Three. Two. One. And exhale. Ten. Nine. Eight.”

He continued with the steady counting for some time until well after my vision stopped spinning.

“Is there a way to dim that? Will you be alright with a dimmed light?” he asked.

I glanced down and gave a nod. The switch was a slider from what I could feel from a testing nudge. Fiddling with the line to my sanity, I set it to the dimmest possibility.

“…Still too bright.”

I stuck it under my shirt, tinting everything reddish. I could still make out my surroundings, and that was enough.

Bucky shook his head but then removed his jacket. He slowly wrapped it around me, probably waiting for me to lash out again. The jacket made a tent with just me and the light inside. His arm scooped me up and the walking continued. Though this time faster.

I found myself curling into his warmth. It assured me it was him. Some part of my brain functioning well enough to remember that Bucky had an unusually high body temperature.

Resting my head against a broad shoulder, I couldn’t shut my eyes. Even if the light was starting to hurt. Too afraid that this wasn’t real. That was I back _there_.

‘He’s not here. I’m safe. Bucky’s here…. I’m safe.’

It wasn’t long before I was sitting on carpet again. Bucky plucked his jacket off my head and I found myself sitting at the mouth of my closet.

“Get dried. Keep the light low. I’m going get something for your throat. If anything happens, don’t scream. Just say something and I’ll be right here. I can hear you. Remember, keep the light low.” He quickly left the room, closing the door behind him.

I could almost laugh at how useless the door was. There was a giant hole right next to it.

“What _was_ that?” I could hear him ask as he walked downstairs, into the darkness of the house.

“ _She… doesn’t do too well not being able to see._ ”

‘That’s an understatement.’

“ _I suggest not asking about it._ ”

With a heavy sigh, I crawled out of the icky wet clothes. I wanted nothing more than to wrap myself in just a fluffy blanket on a pile of fluffier pillows, but instead I forced myself into some long sleeves again before settling into the far corner of the walk in closet, behind the hung shirts and sweaters. The blanket replaced by a leather jacket I curled under with the light. Hidden from sight.

Trying to keep my head together, I took a big breath and held it. I could almost hear Bucky’s voice counting down.

“What’s all this – Valeriy?”

“ _Closet. Again._ ”

His usually silent footsteps thudded against the floor, coming closer and closer. I could hear it stop in front of me. Then the screech of the metal hangers sliding against a metal bar that made me curl into a tighter ball. Maybe if I were small enough, I wouldn’t be noticed.

“Valeriy…? It’s Bucky….”

‘It’s not him. It’s Bucky, you fucking idiot.’

Peering out from the jacket and letting a little light out, I could make out Bucky’s large form, hunched over and crouching down on the other side of the shirts. A mug in one hand, a bag in the other and a rifle slung across his back.

I reached out, snatching his hand holding the bag, and those metal fingers twitched as if to pull away, but I was already yanking them to me.

He merely stretched his arm out to humour me. When he moved away, I tried to fight it, pulling harder only to have my body move instead. I quickly let go, scrambling back against the wall, probably trying to disappear into it by osmosis. Probably.

But Bucky seemed to have understood what I wanted. He was just going out of his way to keep that cybernetic arm of his away from me. He shuffled to my side of the shirts, settling down just within my arm’s reach. He leaned the rifle up against the back wall, far away from me on his left side.

I quickly adjusted the shirts and sweaters to cover him as well, making sure they hung as they were supposed to. Even pushed his legs into him. Though he did draw the line at stuffing him under the leather jacket with me, leaving me to cling onto the flashlight like my life depended on it.

There was a long pause from him before he held out a mug to me and a little red packet, a Chinese natural herbal remedy. My favourite for a sore throat from my time in the East.

Obediently, I downed water. All of it, as he motioned. And never once letting go of my flashlight.

“What are we hiding from?” Bucky whispered when I was trying to get ever last drop out of the little packet.

“Closet’s safe. Didn’t find me last time. Can escape when he’s out looking.”

“ _…He’s not here…. Only Mr. Barnes and I know where you are, you idiot._ ”

“You can’t be sure of that,” I snapped, speech much easier on my throat now.

“ _And whose fau – !_ ”

“Enough,” Bucky cut in. “…No more of this bickering. _Please_.”

And then silence.

Neither Eve or I had any response to that. Never had anyone actually _asked_ us to stop tearing into each other. So we didn’t have the usual person, Gramps, to scream over.

With nothing to distract me much, I went back to the breathing again.

The smart part of me knew that the chances of him finding me here was the same as what mine were escaping with a broken leg and barely half a useable brain: possible. Though highly improbable…. _Hopefully_.

The dumb part of me was busy being stuck in the mindset that the closet’s apparently a safe place, and that Bucky of all people needed to hide with me. Unless it’s Hydra, or an enhanced being, or an army knocking, this was utterly ridiculous.

As usual, dumb me held the reins.

“What’s all this?” Bucky asked after coming up unsuccessful in his search for a more comfortable position that didn’t result in me shoving his legs right back where they were. The man was made of pure muscles… probably. He didn’t have to move for anybody, let alone a little girl. But he did.

“Huh?”

His head tilted towards the bag that sat between us.

“Bugout bag…?”

“…Do you even know how to use this?” This time his head tilted the other way. The rifle.

“Sort of? But that’s for you.”

He looked so betrayed.

“Not asking you to kill people, Bucky. But a bullet in the knee might deter some unsavoury people?”

His hand waving at the ether, or Eve. Probably still thinking of her as a ghost of some sort…. “Did she say something?”

I shook my head. She couldn’t say anything about it if she wanted to from the sounds of things.

“I’m just getting a little antsy?” I said, while struggling to find a way to block enough of the flashlight that it wouldn’t be noticeable, but so that I could still see. No matter what I did, this corner, without the leather jacket tent, would be the first corner the eyes would be drawn to. With the light and all.

A crinkle of foil caught my attention and Bucky held out a few large, orange foil wrapped coins to me. “She told me to give you these if you start to cry.”

I ended up with another twitch smile while taking the handful of chocolate mints. “Thanks. But I doubt I’ll be crying any time soon. Bad idea to be bawling in the middle of a shit storm, no?”

Removing the foil with my left hand was troublesome since my dominant hand was busy holding the flashlight. Almost got my nail under a fold when Bucky plucked it out of my fingers. He carefully unwrapped it and placed it back in my hand.

“Thanks, Bucky…. Eve, how the hell would a person eat while crying?”

“ _Some choking would be involved I assume, going by videos online._ ”

I forced a laugh, nibbling on the chocolate coin and relishing the crunchy mint pieces. I tossed a coin over his way, motioning for him to have a taste with a tilt of my head.

It’s always fun to watch his expressions. So easy to read the curious eyes to the thoughtful half frown to the small nod of approval. He liked it. He bowed his head a tad when he caught more orange coins out of the air.

“What do you need?” Bucky asked out of the blue. Chocolates all consumed.

“…Need…?”

His head nodded. “What do you need to feel safe?”

“Safe,” I huffed out. I could barely even remember the last time I actually felt safe. To be free of the ever present fear that sat in the middle of my chest. One misstep. One slip. One second too late and everything could blow up in my face.

“Yes, safe, Valeriy. What do you nee – You need to dry your hair. It’s still dripping.”

Bucky’a limbs started to unfold from the squished ball I shoved him into and I couldn’t help but desperately clutch onto his arm. Probably tight enough to be painful, but he made no indication of it.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he assured. “Just going to grab your blow dryer.”

“Not safe.”

“….”

That’s when he gently pried my fingers off him, surprisingly with his cybernetic. Though he quickly replaced it with his flesh hand, taking hold of mine, the one not wrapped around a flashlight. His hold gentle and light. If I wasn’t busy trying to squeeze the life out of his fingers, I could easily slip out of his grasp. He turned his body to face me, pushing the hangers outwards and pushing me towards panic. That made it so much more obvious as to where we were.

“I’ll be fine. I’m… I’m the Win… the Winter Soldier.”

I knew the title. I knew what that meant. I could hear how difficult it was for him to admit it. The catch in his voice.

But still, I couldn’t let go.

It wasn’t _safe_ out there.

“If it’s too much, I can always lead them away and you can make an escape.”

“No.”

“No?”

“Like hell you’re going to be bait,” I practically spat out, pissed at the notion.

Bucky’s calm expression fell away at my words, twisting his features into something close to pain. His grasp on mine tighten just a fraction. Those blue eyes of his, once again, searching for something on my face.

“I-I’ll keep to the shadows. Nobody will see me,” he stated, his voice coming out unsteadily. “You can stay in the closet. I’ll figure something out.”

With that, he walked right out into the open, slipping out of my grip and going beyond the closet.

Almost automatically, I went about fixing the gap in the shirts he made. Needed to stay hidden. Out of sight.

“ _Let there be light!_ ” Eve sung out, and all the lights turned on.

“Ack! My eyes!” I quickly shielded my eyes, but then resorted to squinting. Closing my eyes was still too much.

“ _Oh, what timing. Your father’s trying to get a call through._ ”

“….”

I quickly picked up my phone and searched my brain for any excuse to prevent a video call. Did not need him asking why I was in the closet and for him ask me to move out of it. I didn’t have it in me to leave this spot.

“What have you told him?”

“ _Just that I’ll connect him through._ ”

With a nod, I decided to text him. _In shower. What’s up, Daddy?_

A photo popped in the chat.

_I bought you this beautiful sapphire necklace. You should wear it to your next ball._

_Wahhh. It’s so beautiful. That shade of blue is gorgeous. I love it!!! Thank you Daddy!!!!!!!_

_I’ll have Eve send it over. Remember to take a picture for me when you receive it._

“Eve, check it over. Make sure no one put anything onto it and store it somewhere. Mind photoshopping it onto me when it supposedly reaches me?”

“ _That’s the plan. No point worrying about it if you have to move suddenly._ ”

_Okay, Daddy. Will do. The chocolates are delicious as always. Thanks for the boxes._

_I’ve been invited to a hunting trip next week. I have prior engagements. You should take my spot. You enjoy these things._

“The shit I do. What the fuck gave him that bloody idea?” But I knew why he pushed all the invitations my way, not too sure if he remembered why. It’s amazing that he could “forget” being shot at. Good thing Eve’s got her Puppets everywhere.

“ _I can’t have you attending a fucking hunting trip right now. Involves moving you. I can’t do that safely yet._ ”

It involved leaving the closet. That just wasn’t happening. At least not for a couple of days. That and I could only purposefully miss so many times before I accidently hit something…. Or the clients get pissed and I find myself in hot water.

_Sorry, Daddy. Those guys are still after me, so I won’t be able to attend much of anything without causing some trouble at an event. Might put some of our clients there in some danger. Sorry._

And then there was no reply. Probably shouldn’t have told him that.

“ _Thanks. Now he’s yelling at his security team…._ ”

“ _Hopefully_ he fires that freeloading bastard…? He’s been in charge of my security for five years and a child can do a better job than him.”

“ _…Let me maneuvers some things. See if he takes the bait._ ”

“Yay….” With a heavy sigh, I tossed the phone, and curled into a tighter ball around the flashlight.

“I can’t find enough extension cords to reach your corner,” Bucky announced brandishing a blow dryer in one hand and a brush in the other at the entrance of the closet.

I poked my head out of my hiding spot and in his stance, I saw how much of a coward I was.

Here I hid like a stupid child. I lashed out at him and yet, there he stood, helping me. The only one to insistently stick around after I tried biting him. The one with a war in his mind on most good days. One that ate away at him. One that most people would lose and give up. But he’s fighting with everything he’s got, getting up nightmare after nightmare.

The little flame of courage in me flared and with a shaky breath, I crawled through the shirts. Out in the open. I couldn’t find the strength in my jelly legs, so I continued to crawl my way over to him.

‘I can do this. Come on, you pathetic idiot. You can do this much.’

The moment I faltered, a warm arm wrapped around my waist, plucking me off the ground. The hold light. I could easily worm my way out if I wanted to. Crawl back into that corner.

Bucky didn’t take me out of the closet. Just sat me near the entrance with my back to it, to him. I jumped at the sound of the blow dryer blaring at my ears before the hot air surrounded me.

“Sorry. Should have warned you,” I could barely hear him say.

Really should get in touch with somebody about a silent blow drier.

Did not expect Bucky to know how to comb long hair. But he did, starting at the bottom. He dealt with the knots there before slowly making his way up, stroke after stroke. He certainly treated my hair better than I did.

I could almost close my eyes and just enjoy it.

I _wished_ I could close my eyes and enjoy it.

But I doubt that there was much time left here, and there was still much to do.

Bucky’s arm needed to be fixed. Pretty unconfident I’d be finished in time. Still had to look into the new damage. There’s definitely some judging by how the hot air would randomly shift. I could only do my best to get as much of it fixed as I could. Even if I did finish, I couldn’t be sure I got everything.

I also needed a feasible game plan for when this house’s no longer a safe haven from everything outside. Transport and shelter were still giant question marks. Jekyll had someone who knew me well enough that only the ancient ruin trails managed to survive elimination. Which meant I had to think out of my on record, public life box, and probably the opposite of that box too.

One of the few things that went right was that the parents living across the street were healing and in a coma. Thus alive and mute. The kid’s been good so far, according to Eve. But that whole thing was a time bomb waiting to blow up in our faces. One I couldn’t just disarm with a few snips of wire.

“Done.” With that, the blow dryer shut up.

Blinking out of my daze, I found all my locks sporting ringlets. Full length ringlets. “Huh?”

“…I don’t know what happened,” Bucky admitted, to which I burst out into a fit of laughter.

“I bet you helped out with your sisters’ hair a lot when you were younger,” I managed to say, eventually.

Pink tinged his cheeks. Easily seen in the bright lights Eve left on.

“How in the hell did you manage this with a fucking flat brush, Bucky? I don’t even – Are you the ringlet wizard or something?”

I couldn’t help but pull at one of the baffling coils and watch it bounce into a mess. A mess very reminiscent of a fucked up slinky.

Bucky reached out, a finger curling its way down the ringlet.

‘Holy shit, if only it was that easy to fix a spring.’

“Thanks Bucky. I needed that.” A good laugh. My body felt lighter instead of the suffocating dread that had been drowning me.

His spine straightened up opening up his posture with beautiful lines. Maybe it’s pride swimming in those beautiful eyes.

“And getting me out of the dark, thank you for that. I was losin – ” I shook the thought off. “Thank you.”

I could almost spot the ghost of an understanding smile on his lips. “Anything else I can do?”

“Umm… if you don’t mind…?” I started, playing with a bouncy ringlet, “I rather not be alone just yet? If that’s alright…?”

He stared at me for a couple of thundering heartbeats and then gave a single nod. “Okay.”

He set the blow dryer and brush aside, settling down with his back against the doorframe. With a leg stretched out, his body and presence blocked the entire entrance into the closet.

Bucky sat between me and the rest of the world.

Felt like nothing could get through him.

He’d probably stay there until I told him I’d be alright alone. Even if I were to pass out, he’d probably never move from that spot.

Might eventually raid the house of pillows to build a fort around me, or again, add to one I started.

But we didn’t have that sort of time. Now wasn’t the time for messy emotions. I had to get it together. Get something done. Better than wasting time twiddling my thumbs. Wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon.

“Mi-might as well get down to fixing that arm of yours, since we’re both up…?” I tried, not that circuitry was going to distract me from my current fears. More than likely it’d pull me further in. But he needed both arms.

Those blue eyes bore right into me. They were missing things I expected. Annoyance. Judgement. Disapproval. There was none of that. Not even his usual dose of confusion.

“Not tonight,” Bucky replied, with a soft shake of his head. “Rest…. Pouting’s not going to get you anywhere. Try to get some sleep.”

“I don’t know if I can handle the nightmares right now,” I admitted. I needed to do something. Anything. Keep my mind off it all. “You know what? Tetris.”

“Tetris?”

“Have you come across video games yet?”

“Not that I can remember.”

So I got onto my feet, squaring off with the doorway. Determined to leave this stupid closet. But a glance backwards had me wanting to dive into that corner behind the shirts.

In my periphery, Bucky smoothly stood up and his movements to clear the doorway caught my attention. He wasn’t even asking me to come out, just waited for what I decided to do. Be it dropping back on my ass, running with my tail between my legs or exiting the false safety of the closet.

It was nice. Not being prodded in a direction. Not having the looming disappointment hanging over me. He had no expectations of me. None. And that was so freeing.

With a huff, I charged right through the barrier of fear, ending up in the middle of the master bedroom. My chest swelled up with giddiness for actually getting out of the damn closet far sooner than I thought I could. Couldn’t help the little victory dance before my ankle told me _nope_.

“Eve,” I called out. “You explain Tetris and I’ll set it up.”

“ _Would be simpler the other way around if you didn’t replace half your words with_ thingy _all the time. Good thing it’s self-explanatory._ ”

I shrugged her off. In my attempt to grab the laptop and tablet off the night table, I fell into my pile of fluffy, fluffy pillows and knocked head with the flashlight I still refused to let go. “Ow….”

Bucky, being a civilized human being with common sense, had already walked around the bed, and passed me the objects I wanted.

The laptop for Bucky. Easier for him to operate with physical buttons. The tablet for me, since I knew there wasn’t a chance I’d play this seriously.

He grasped the idea super fast when I showed him a couple of lines, and within a couple of minutes, we were both neck deep in our own game of Tetris. Bucky had settled with his back against the bed. I buried myself under a mountain of fluffiness just above him.

It wasn’t long, probably less than a minute, before I looked up from the tablet at the sounds of key presses. A lot of them. In rapid succession.

‘What the fuck…?’

I could barely see what the hell Bucky was up to with how fast he was playing the game. In the time it took for me to look at a piece at the top, a few other pieces would be neatly placed on the bottom.

“Eve… did you increase the frame rate?”

“ _I’m pushing the hardware to the limit. Almost finished coding and rendering the next piece panel to bump it up to ten. Val, would you kindly plug in the laptop? This is killing the battery._ ”

He didn’t spare me a glance as I crawled off the bed to adjust the tangled mess the charger was caught in. Plugging without being disruptive was rather challenging with how shaky the laptop was perched atop of his crossed legs. Didn’t help that his knee was sort of in the way.

Bucky’s eyes must have been enhanced. Light sensitivity that allowed him to navigate in extremely low light. He’s able to process information and react on it nearly instantaneously. So enhanced brain could be added to the growing list as well.

With the new update, I could no longer keep up. I couldn’t understand the flashes of rainbow colours on the bottom of the playing window. Couldn’t even track the next tiles up. Not sure it’s because my eyes couldn’t move up fast enough or my brain was just sludge compared to Bucky’s. Everything was just moving too fast for me.

“ _The things I would do if I had his processing power._ ”

Eve wasn’t the only one thinking that. Imagine all the dumb ideas I could bring into reality in a timely manner. Like a transformable Snow’s Shiva bike. Or just keep up with the science stuff certain people used to throw my way that would take days of research before it stopped flying over my head. That would be nice. Keeping up.

 

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is my favourite chapter thus far. ^^
> 
> To which ringlets. I wanted braids. Googled 1920s/30s hair styles for kids and got curls. Lots of curls.  
> So now Valeriy probably believes Bucky went to Hogwarts to become the Ringlet Wizard.


	13. Bucky Barnes - Demons Outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is making me want to use chapter titles. Would have called the last one Demons Inside and this one Demons Outside. 
> 
> (July 15th, 2017 Edit: Yay, got to use these titles ^.^)  
>  
> 
> And now, some house cleaning.  
> Aereul and I went back over chapter 10-12 and edited them. 
> 
> Nothing major changed and I apologize for the all the mistakes as well as the delayed update.
> 
> And just to clarify, Bucky hasn’t smiled yet, not including the time with Wall-E. He has attempted in his point of view near the beginning, but in reality, he didn’t.
> 
>  
> 
> (And yes, I changed the summary. Still not content with it, but I don’t hate it as much as the previous one. Both feel too cold for my taste….)

 

******

 

_“M-m-mission report.”_

_“It’s done,” I responded. My own mind screaming at me. For the disobedience. For the black and red wounds left on that face. “Captain America is dead.”_

_Whoever he was, all I knew was that I’m supposed to protect him. I don’t know what this is, I just know I’m supposed to do this right now. Whatever this is. I’m supposed to protect this for some reason._

_And Hydra wanted him dead. They’re responsible. They made me…. They made me._

_A sigh of relief snapped me out of my head._

_Break skull with metal fist. Target incapacitated._

_Slam metal tray into the throat. Target incapacitated._

_Break table leg. Impale through the eye. Target incapacitated._

_“Mercy! Please! I have a daughter! P-please please! Ha-have m-m-m-mer-mercy. My daughter. Pl-hic-ease,” a snivelling lab coat begged, scrambling away with weak little kicks. Curling up into a ball when his back hit the wall. His face a mess of tears, snot and splattered blood. His words turning incoherent in his desperation._

_Slam foot into rib cage. Target incapacitated._

_One kick. That’s all it would take to finish this._

_But I couldn’t…._

_“Go.”_

_My cold numbed fingers squeezed the trigger. The recoil absorbed into my shoulder. A green clad soldier dropped from the ruins of a building. A base…?_

_Through the scope the fire breathing, horned demon raked his thumb across his throat. A threat._

_‘NO!’ This wasn’t right. ‘He doesn’t breathe fire. He doesn’t have horns.’_

_Everything flickered._

_It was a salute. The threat was a salute. The body near him no longer resembled an American soldier. The uniform much darker. Almost black. Hydra._

_My arm… there was no metal. Flesh and bone._

_At the sound of a twig snapping, I whirled around and found movement all around me. The figures flittering back and forth between green and black. There were too many of them to fight. The cliff behind me was too high to make an escape with a…? With?_

_A small person dropped down from the tree next to me. A kid. A young boy. His height changing with his blond hair. From light to dark. Caught between a little blond who scurried under a bed and the older one. More than likely someone I’d long forgotten._

_“I don’t want to go back…” he whispered. His words heavily accented. French._

_“Get down the cliff and hide. I’ll buy you time,” I said, preparing for battle. I knew I didn’t have enough bullets, but more than enough to stop them from taking me. They weren’t taking me. Not again. I either make it back to Steve or die trying._

_A little hand pulled at my trousers. “Bucky,” the kid whimpered, his body practically vibrating._

_“Get to St – ”_

_The boy’s eye glowed something silvery and pops rang out all around us._

_The forest rained blood with each body that exploded with a pop. Mere seconds passed before the rustle of rain faded to a cold silence._

_No survivors._

_There wasn’t even much of a body left for anybody to bury. Bits and pieces strewn in the trees._

_“What the hell…?”_

_I glanced down at the boy next to me. His skin was covered in red patches. With a gurgle, he fell to the wet dirt in a coughing fit. A pained whine escaped him when I placed a hand on his shoulder. He leaned away from the touch. Fear so clear in those bloodshot pale eyes._

_He was bleeding out under his skin._

_“What just happened?”_

_He shook his head desperately. “No one can know,” he managed to get out, pausing to spit out more blood. “Maman…. They took Maman because – because she can…. They don’t know that I can. They’ll…. They overheard Papa talking and took us.”_

_“Will she hurt any of us?”_

_The boy quickly shook his head. “We’re not supposed to use…. No one can know.”_

_“Alright. I won’t tell anyone. I promise. I’ll… forget this happened, alright kid?”_

_‘No telling what Hydra would do with this kind of power.’ I could only wonder what they were doing with his mother now. What awaits us in those ruins, where she was supposed to be._

_“Thank you, Bucky.”_

_I sent him a smile, resisting the urge to pat him on the back. “Now let’s go save your parents.”_

“Bucky?”

_I couldn’t escape the light. No matter which way I ran. No matter how fast I sprinted. The light followed._

_The thrumming filled my ear. They were on my tail. Been there for hours. Been on this mountain for hours and I was tiring out. The muscles in my legs screaming at me. Going numb. Everything felt numb._

_But I had to get away from them. Had to get away from_ there _._

_Somewhere I had to go…. Somewhere…._

“Come on, Bucky. Rise and shine, beautiful.”

_Where…?_

_Where am I going…?_

_Someone. There’s somebody I have to find. Someone…._

_Who…?_

_St – ?_

“Bucky… seriously, you need to get up.”

_Why… why am I running?_

_I-I should… I should go back…?_

_I need to go back._

_And then a net slammed into my side. Before I could even struggle, electricity seized my body._

“Damn it! Bucky! Wake the fuck up!!!”

I shot up from the floor and found my arms bound by the blanket wrapped tightly around me.

“ _Finally_ ,” two voices echoed.

“Valeriy?” I called out, trying to find my bearings only to have her walk right up to me. I scrambled away not trusting myself not to lash out.

“Good, you’re dressed. Get ready. Backdoor in four minutes.” Her voice steady and clear. Her lips pulled a semi apologetic smile as she picked up my notebooks. “Apparently Hydra’s about to find this place?”

Ice ran through my veins.

“Still got some room in my pack.” She waved my notebooks over her shoulder as she hobbled out of sight. “I still got room in my pack.”

I could not get out of the comforter tangled around me faster. Amongst the rain of down feathers, my body carried out her order, pulling out a bag I had just retrieved 55 hours ago from under a freeway. The arsenal I had raided from the bank.

“ _Mr. Barnes, please wear the earbud. I will be your guide. I’ll need your cooperation to get out of this one tonight._ ”

Nodding, I slipped the little device into my ear before it could slip my mind. “I’ll get her somewhere safe, and lead them away.”

It unnerved me how a tension released once I hid all the various weapons on my person.

“ _As things are, I can get you both out. Please stick together and avoid drawing attention to yourselves with the loud guns._ ”

‘Knives it is.’ Got eight of them.

Before could I exit the room, I slung the modified OM 50 Nemesis over my shoulder and plucked a cap I had stolen months ago that Valeriy returned to me.

“You don’t know what they’re capable of.”

“If I hear you offer to be fucking bait again, I’m drugging you and dragging you out of this mess myself,” Valeriy snapped from the dining room. “Not entirely sure how I’m going to drag you… but I will… somehow… probably….”

Highly doubt she’d be capable of any of that. My metabolism would do away with anything in my system and it’d be a miracle if she could manage ten steps even without Hydra outside.

“This isn’t some game,” I stated, turning the corner.

“And you’re not bait, Bucky,” she fired right back, tucking her long locks under a knitted hat. “Eve’s got this. We’ve transported people through shady situations before.”

From head to toe, she was completely covered. Her special glasses hid her eyes. A scarf hid the rest of her face. Loose clothing of different hues of gray made it difficult to tell that she’s a woman.

“Want to cover your face?” Valeriy asked, scarf in hand.

I shook my head. I needed to stay away from what they made me. Reminded me too much of the muzzle. I could almost feel it scratching at my skin. I didn’t want to chance turning on this young woman if I lose control. The chance was already higher than I’d like with how hidden her appearance was. She wouldn’t have a face to stop me like last time.

They’re here for me. No point hiding my identity. Hopefully they didn’t know about her.

“You can’t run,” I realized. Not with how her ankle had only gotten worse and worse.

The timing of this was horrid.

The arm was still in need of repairs. She only had two days to work on the new damage. At least it no longer shocked me when I used it. Still a tad too twitchy.

“Should be okay?” Valeriy shrugged, tapping the toe of her left shoe on the floor. “Don’t feel a thing. On Amber’s nerve blockers.”

She reached into her pack strapped to her back and around her waist and tossed an odd revolver at me. The shape and weight was off.

“Special dart gun. Pretty silent? Iffy on distance since an air compressor thing? Yours is loaded with tranqs.”

That explained the fire arm strapped to the small of her back under the gray hoodie. Again, the taser sat in her right pocket.

“Should take down most guys in about a second?”

A lot could happen in a second.

“Thought you might give it a try for minimal damage? Then again, these fucks are Hydra, so up to you what you want to do with them if they get in the way. And here’s a bunch of darts.”

A quick glance into the case told me there were thirty darts.

“…We should get going,” I said, reaching for the backdoor only to have Valeriy slide right between the knob and me.

Slam skull into the doorknob. Target incapacitated.

“Not until Eve gives the green light. We do our best to follow her moves, and we just might get out of this?” she said, glancing over her shoulder and out the window.

“ _They have eyes in the sky. Human eyes…. Stick to the shadows. I got the cameras. They’ll be everywh– Go!_ ”

With that, Valeriy stumbled at the door colliding into her back. A loud _whop_ _whop_ filled the house. A helicopter. Lower frequency. Moving away.

Fear snaked its way up the back of my neck. I didn’t get away. I couldn’t escape the bright beam of light.

“Hey, hey, Bucky. I need you to stay with me.” Gray eyes peered over the darkened lenses. Warm fingers tangled into my hair at the base of my skull and a thumb brushed against my cheek. “We need to move. Just stay with me, Bucky. We’ve got this.”

“ _Now_ ,” the voice echoed in my ear.

Valeriy’s hand slid down the metal arm, roughly grabbing onto the gloved hand, and at a turn of her heel, she raced out the door. A sudden jerk on the arm had me kicking off a step to follow her leap to the bottom staircase.

We’d have to move at her pace, which wasn’t as slow as I thought. But slow nonetheless. She couldn’t be expected to keep up with me. It’d give me time to provide cover.

So far it was clear. No one I could see. No one I could hear. Not over the sound of blades slicing through the air.

I took a risk and glanced up at the sky. A black helicopter could barely be seen against the night skies. There was no beam of light. There was no way for me to tell if we’ve been spotted.

My eyes snapped back to the ground when Valeriy squeezed down on the hand, glancing over her shoulder at me.

The way her head tilted, I could practically see the smile under that scarf, and with that, she let go of the hand to shove hers back into its glove. Grabbing the top of the wooden fence, she partly jumped and partly hauled herself over. A roll eased the landing better than her leap off the stairs and the moment she was upright, she sprinted for the next fence.

I had a much simpler time with the process. Didn’t have to even touch the fence. Didn’t need to add more sound or movement to our escape. And a sideways swing of the body kept my profile low. Less risk of being spotted.

The helicopter turned. Not quite headed for us, but it wasn’t going away. They’ve narrowed it down to this area.

Another fence. Then another. Sticking to the shadows created by the houses.

“ _Hide._ ”

I barely managed to grab onto Valeriy’s pack and dragged her back into the hedge. A quick search through the spaces between the leaves, I spotted a pair of legs. Legs belonging to a too heavily armed uniformed police officer strolling into the backyard.

Next to me, the young woman heaved for every breath, her elbow muffling her exhales. She wouldn’t be able to handle an all-out sprint out of this. We’d have to stick to short bursts.

Even so, we needed to move.

I pulled on her arm and she got the hint, following me up through the mess of branches of the massive hedge. I kept my weight near the trunk and on the thicker branches I could find. Breaking a branch would give us away. A slight rustle _might_ be dismissed as a squirrel. Some part of me was more than relieved that the young woman behind me managed to be just as silent.

“Sorry to wake you, Ma’am. We are currently searching for two individuals.”

I froze and Valeriy rammed face first into my back. She tilted her head in question and I whispered in her ear, “They know about you.”

“Oh well?” she shrugged off, her voice coming out crystal clear in the earpiece when she had barely mumbled the words.

How the hell she was so carefree about the whole thing baffled me. She gave my shoulder a heavy pat and even pulled a smile. Going by how the corner of her eyes crinkled over the edge of the glasses.

Blue lines and red dots were reflected off the moisture of her left eye. A map of the neighborhood. The dots likely being Hydra agents. Eleven close by.

“…Are those Pacman ghosts…?” Those weren’t merely red dots. There was even two little circles practically on top of each other with a moving mouths. One blue. The other purple.

“…Y-yeah…?” Valeriy responded rather cautiously.

But I dropped the annoyance at how this was being treated as a game in favor of listening on the agent’s conversation with the neighbor. “A man and a woman. The man’s large, built, with shoulder length brown hair. The woman has long hair. Dark. Might be black or brown. About average height and a broken foot.”

“Do you have a picture?”

“No, I don’t. Have you seen anyone new around? Any unfamiliar faces? They may not be together.”

It made sense that they weren’t plastering my face everywhere. They didn’t want another party to find me first. But they would have released Valeriy’s photo if they had it. They didn’t know who she was. Her foot wasn’t broken and the hair color was wrong. They didn’t see her themselves and whoever did likely spotted her in low light.

“There was a man two days ago,” the woman replied, and I could feel my stomach drop.

That was the day I left for hours. Wandering the streets.

“Did he enter a house?”

“I didn’t see. He was headed down the street.”

I almost didn’t contain the flinch when a hand clasped my shoulder, squeezing tightly. “Eve’s got this,” Valeriy assured.

“I was seen the other day,” I admitted.

“ _That wasn’t you. We weren’t so careless. She saw somebody else. Keep your head in the game, Mr. Barnes. The next bit is a tad iffy._ ”

“No shit, Sherlock,” Valeriy muttered as the lights in the yard chased away all the shadows. “Fuck. Jinxed it.”

“ _…On my mark, get to the other side of that yard._ ”

A second scout entered the yard. There’s no way to get

Shoot him between the eyes. Target incapacitated.

And that would have them descending on us in seconds. Even if I could put down both agents before they could do anything.

“Might have a possible – ”

“ _Now!_ ”

Valeriy leapt out of the tree, rolling onto her feet, and raced for the other side. The complete faith in the A.I. ghost she had was insane. She didn’t glance in the direction of the Hydra agent remaining in the yard. Even if his back was turned to us. Distracted with reporting to whoever was in charge of this retrieval.

“ – sighting here.”

I quickly followed after her. The dart gun at the ready. Aimed right at the agent.

It only took a slight turn of his head to be spotted.

We were in the open. In the light. Exposed.

We made it to the next yard. Leaping over the fence without a hitch.

This wasn’t what I was hoping for. Just as lit up as the last one. Except this one was empty. Just the pavement under our shoes and the hoop at the back. Couldn’t hide a stick here.

The pitch of the helicopter changed. Higher. And with a glance up, I spotted it in the sky. _Headed straight for us._

A flurry of options and tactics raced through my head.

Switch to OM 50 Nemesis. Shoot at helicopter. Targets incapacitated.

Run away from it and back into the previous yard with the agents.

Run for the house and break in.

Run for the back alley.

Run for the next yard.

“ _Hide._ ”

I grabbed Valeriy and threw her, racing across the paved yard. The moment my hand touched the fence post, I spotted the muzzle of a M4A1 peeking out from around the front of the house. Just as pops echoed through the air and all the lights cut out, I pulled the young woman out of the air and landed in the shrubbery below us.

By some miracle, we made it and she wasn’t screaming. Be it from being tossed around or the darkness all around us with only a thin sliver of moon in the sky.

“Thanks?” Valeriy said lightly, lying there on her back.

“ _That was cutting it close, huh?_ ”

The young woman slipped her glasses down her nose for a second before shoving them back in place. “Thank bloody hell for night vision.”

“Why would they cut the power?” I asked, ducking my head to keep hidden in the short shrub.

Wouldn’t that make it harder to find us? To find me.

Had they found us?

A snap of a twig caught my attention and my eyes landed on a beam of light. A flashlight. Searching its way to our hiding spot.

I quickly ducked, pushing Valeriy down to make us smaller. Less of us to be seen. I quickly hid the metal arm in my jacket, in case it reflects any of the light as it shines through the foliage. My heartbeat sped up, muffling part of my hearing.

Shoot the spinal column. Target incapacitated.

Valeriy’s hand squeezed down on mine as the light passed over us. Not lingering. Just continued on down the fence.

Though I knew it was only a matter of time. They always found me. Why would this be any different?

‘I should go…. Be… before they find her. 36 tranquilizer darts. 8 knifes. Total of 96 bullets. It’ll take them a while to capture me. I have a chance at escaping even if I lead them away…. I should go back. I have to go back. I need to go back.

I flinched at Valeriy’s hands grabbing at the base of my skull, pulling me down to her. Her fingers digging into my neck.

“ _What_ did I say about being bait?” she hissed at my ear. “I don’t care if we’re fucking surrounded. We can get you out of this.”

“ _The blackout’s my doing this time. The chopper was cutting too close for my liking._ ”

When Valeriy suddenly made a move to leave our hiding spot, I quickly shoved her back into the ground. Far harder than I should have. Both of us tensing up. Waiting for that thud to be our downfall.

“ _…Looks like no one heard you…. I’d suggest the both of you work on the being quiet part of hiding, and stop it with the stupid self-sacrificing ideas._ ”

“Sorry,” I whispered. “Are you hurt?”

The young woman shrugged. “I can’t feel shit. No pain. No sense of touch. It’s been so weird moving.”

That explained a few things.

“This isn’t some game you can just restart. What were you thinking?!” I snapped in a whisper, trusting that the earbuds would make my words clear in her ear. “Do you have _any_ idea what they’ll do to you?!”

“It’ll better than what you’d go through with them. Only a matter of time before they figure out I’m worthless. Just outdate info? Plus I’m the one slowing us down.”

“ _You two_ seriously _suck at the concept of silence…._ ”

I had to bite down on my lip to keep my mouth shut. To stop the words from tumbling out.

A knock on my thigh shook me out of my irritation. A finger pointed to the side. I could hear the agent patrolling the back alley. A two fingers raised, pointed in front and a thumb thrown over her shoulder. Two in front of us, and two in the yard behind us. Three finger pointed at the front of the house.

“You have a better chance of getting away from here. Without me,” she stated. Not a joke found in her tone.

“ _Seriously suck._ ”

I shook my head.

As much as I knew that was true, I also knew that if I go with them, we’d all be gone from this neighborhood. It’d be safe for her to walk right out of this. She’d be safe.

As long as they don’t ask me about the girl they think I might be with, they wouldn’t know of Valeriy. She’d stay safe.

“ _Get in the car._ ”

The young woman sat up in confusion, barely keeping under the top of the plant. “ _What_ car?”

“ _In front of the next house._ ”

“Well, there’s like five-ish asshats in the way of that. No way we can get into that car and drive off unnoticed.”

“ _A distraction should do the trick._ ”

“Can you manage one more fence?” I asked.

She nodded.

“When you see a chance, get to the car. I’ll be right behind you.”

“….” Her eyes narrowed at me over the rim of the glasses.

“I’ll be right behind you.”

“That’s a lie.”

“ _You’re both got potential distractions strapped to your arms._ ”

“Wouldn’t that just get everyone here? The opposite of what we want,” Valeriy stated.

“ _Idiot._ ”

“The river,” I said. “I can throw it to the river.” Minimal amount of causalities _if_ I could get it that far.

“Can you throw it so far?” she asked, removing her bracelet.

“Maybe.”

It was a little light. So I plucked a garden gnome from its perch among some flowers and wrapped the bracelet around its neck.

“That looks more likely to make the trip. With that pointy hat.”

“ _The river’s in the opposite direction so this should work in theory. I’ll be jamming all signals in this area. Nobody will be communicating with each other. That includes us. I’ll still have my eyes. Follow the lights when you get in the car. Good luck._ ”

“Eve, wait,” Valeriy called out in the smallest voice. It no longer came through the earpiece and there was no reply from the A.I. ghost. “…Eve…?” Her body language tensing up more and more with each passing second.

I placed a hand on her shoulder and turned her towards me, remembering that she couldn’t feel much. There were no lights reflected off her eye. No lines. No game creatures.

Only what haunted my dreams. In the eyes of my victims. Paralyzing fear.

“You worry about getting to the car unnoticed. Wait until they’ve scrambled,” I told her. “If I don’t get to the car ten seconds after you, _drive_.”

That seemed to have snapped her out of the cloudy haze, glaring at me with such ferocity I expected a slap. Instead, Valeriy grabbed my collar and growled into my ear, “You get in the car before ten seconds are up.”

An order.

At my nod, she turned away, scuttling quickly to the gate that separated the front and back yards. Not a rustle of a leaf or a crunch of a twig in her wake before she disappeared from my sight.

“Hello? Anybody there? Hey, my comm’s not working. Yours?”

“Command center, come in. Command center.”

“Try turning it off and on.”

Taking in a deep breath, I glanced up at the barely star speckled sky. The revolver loaded with six tranquilizer darts in the metal hand and the bejewelled gnome in my hand.

‘Please let us make it out of this. I don’t want to go back…. _Please_ ….’

“Command center, come in.”

“Are we being jammed?”

When the searching lights weren’t around me, I popped up and threw the garden gnome as hard as I could. The revolver already firing a shot at one of two the Hydra agents in the yard with me. Automatically my mind made a note to raise my aim since I barely cleared the armored vest.

“Shit!!”

As one dropped to the ground, I had already fired a dart at the other. The twitch in the hand was enough for the little dart to miss.

Wide eyes stared at me. The M4A1’s muzzle lifted from pointing at the ground.

I quickly released the revolver, letting it fall into my hand and squeezing the trigger. Landed the dart on the unarmored thigh.

In the second it took to bring him down, the agent held down the trigger and a blindingly bright light flashed from the horizon. The pops completely overwhelmed by an earth-shaking explosion.

And an explosive of that magnitude was strapped to my one good arm….

_A mustached man popped up from under a Panther tank and plugged his ears with his fingers._

_A couple of seconds later, an explosion engulfed the tank in flames._

‘Jac – ? J…?’

“Move and I’ll slice your throat.”

‘Valeriy.’

I ran. I had to get there before he killed her or she decided to do something that’d end up with a gaping wound across her throat. My legs just couldn’t move fast enough.

“Where is the Asset?”

“The what?” Valeriy responded.

“Don’t play dumb, girl. The man with a metal arm.”

“I have _no_ fucking clue as to what you’re talking about.”

Blood.

“Him,” the man hissed in her ear, staring right at me and shifting the knife just enough to cut deeper into the young woman’s neck, a young woman who had no reaction to it. “Drop the gun Soldier.”

I couldn’t help but squeeze down tighter on the revolver handle, knowing well that no matter what enhancements were made to me, there was no way I could move fast enough to do anything before that knife finds its way too far in her neck.

At least it was just him. No one else was on the street. No saying how long that would last.

“Drop – ”

“Um excuse me?” Valeriy cut in and the knife moved dangerously closer. “But I really need to sneeze.”

And at the agent’s confusion, our hands raised. Hers to the hilt of the knife and mine to aim at his unprotected face.

He barely got out a “Wha – ?” Before Valeriy’s head flung back, smashing his nose with her head. His body fell against the pavement with a thud.

The young woman stumbled a couple of steps right into the open car door. Likely grabbed while slipping into the driver seat of the little white and black car.

Then her revolver was out and another dart joined the one on the agent’s face before I could get to her. I grabbed her hand, demanding in a harsh whisper, “Are you trying to kill the guy?!”

“No? Trying to stop the memory forming process. He saw my face. I rather be forgotten,” she replied, shaking her head and immediately pressing a palm to her forehead. “Fuck. That made the spinning worse.”

I pushed her the little bit it took to tip her over and she landed on the driver seat. “Let me see your neck. You’re bleeding.”

“Shit.” She waved her fingers by the cut and checked them with a shrug before fixing the scarf to cover her face again. “I’m not squirting blood. I’ll be fine. Get in the car. You’ve got less than ten seconds.”

“Do you know how to drive?”

“Of course,” she chirped, buckling in and tucking her revolver under her thigh. “You’re the better shot, so I’m driving.”

With a flip over the short hood of the car, I quickly slipped into the passenger seat. The second my feet were off the pavement, the car jerked forwards, slamming the door shut. The acceleration foreign to me for a car. It just moved, topping out at 93 miles per hour.

Too fast for her to survive a crash. I doubt I would be able to walk away from it either, leaving me at the hands of Hydra. Again.

“You’re driving on the wrong side of the road,” I pointed out, shifting in the seat at how wrong everything looked. The street lamps were out. Our headlights were off. I had to wonder if she could see where she was even driving. If the glasses she wore could see far enough.

“Oops, heh,” she laughed nervously, giving the wheel a little wiggle that sent the car swerving into the correct lane.

“You’re sure you know how to drive?” I asked, taking the moment of peace to reload the revolver. I could easily drive and shoot at the same time. I should have tossed her in the passenger seat….

“Sorry, last drove at one of the ex-colonies,” she stated lightly. “Really shouldn’t drive imports. Gets confusing as f – ”

A distant street lamp gave a dim flicker and then a bullet nicked the chair just above her right shoulder.

“ – UCK!!” The car violently veered to the side.

Through the cracked windshield, beyond the darkness stood a man in the middle of the road and Valeriy was erratically swerving her way right for him. I had little doubt that she had every intention of plowing right though the shooter while attempting to dodge the bullets raining around us.

A contraption covered his eyes. Likely what let him spot us in the darkness without a flashlight.

Switch to Glock 21. Shoot the nose. Target incapacitated.

Before the blood could paint this car, his or our own, I rolled down the side window, the wind roaring into the car, and adjusted my aim. Another bullet made it through the windshield, and luckily bouncing off the metal shoulder. One squeeze of a trigger, one second later and there was another jerk to the car. Barely made it in time for her to miss his crumpled body on the road.

She didn’t need blood on her hands as much as I didn’t want to be a killer anymore. As much as they were Hydra, I didn’t want to kill. Not anymore.

Two streets lamps on my side of the street flickered once with barely any light, and in that moment, I spotted another uniformed police, again too heavily armed, walking away from a house by the light. The same contraption on his head. He’ll spot us. Hopefully he was too distracted by the flash to notice us barreling down the street.

Shoot at neck. Target incapacitated.

Just as I was about to pull the trigger, I barely managed to stop my head from bouncing off the dashboard at the sudden snail’s pace. The screeching of the breaks gave us away.

At the car turning around the corner the agent stood, I landed a dart on his cheek. He didn’t even have time to process a thing by the time Valeriy’s foot floored the accelerator, throwing me back into the seat with a high pitched hum of the car.

“Sorry about that,” she yelled over the roaring wind. “I’ll try to remember to warn you next time. I had my doubts that this car could handle a turn at that speed without flipping. But I love this little guy.” There was even a little loving pet she gave the steering wheel.

“Who the hell taught you how to drive?” I questioned, strapping myself in in time to spot another pair of street lamps flash once.

“Turning!”

The A.I. ghost had to be behind the lights. Drove home just how everywhere she could be. Always watching.

“My father,” Valeriy said when the car sped back up. “Man races far too much for his own good. But if Mother’s in the room, we’ve all got perfect driving habits, ‘kay?”

After a few minutes of speeding down dark roads and flickering lights triggering sudden turns, no more agents could be seen. We either broke the perimeter or the A.I. ghost found a route to avoid them.

A few more minutes, houses turned into buildings. Apartments, restaurants, stores and offices.

“Are we headed to Mexico?” I asked when I realized we were mostly headed south now.

“…I sure hope not. I don’t want to deal with that kind of heat. You see any more of those asshats? Can I slow down yet? Well shit. Guess not….”

The light bathing the little car reminded me too much of the helicopter. Gaining on us. Fast.

Especially when Valeriy slowed to take a turn at the A.I. ghost’s prompting. “Brace your – !!”

Shoot driver between the eyes. Targets incapacitated.

I leaned out the window, drawing the Glock 21 and lowering my aim to one of the tires. But before I could squeeze the trigger, a loud crunch hit my ears. The momentum forcefully shifted into a swing. A blow to my left knocked me back into the seat, searing the skin on the side of my face, as the car spun out of control.

With another jerk of momentum, it all stopped.

 

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M IN NEED OF A NEW BETA. 
> 
> If anyone is interested, please contact me. Aereul’s schedule is about to get even more hectic and I’m highly uncomfortable posting without another pair of eyes looking over it. 
> 
>  
> 
> I’ll do my best to get the next chapter out in a timely manner while I’m on a trip. Apologies again.


	14. Bucky Barnes - Frozen Cows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **I'm still looking for a beta.**  
>  Really in need of a beta.  
>   
>   
>  _Previously:_  
>  _“Are we headed to Mexico?” I asked when I realized we were mostly headed south now._
> 
>  
> 
> _“…I sure hope not. I don’t want to deal with that kind of heat. You see any more of those asshats? Can I slow down yet? Well shit. Guess not….”_
> 
>  
> 
> _The light bathing the little car reminded me too much of the helicopter. Gaining on us. Fast._
> 
>  
> 
> _Especially when Valeriy slowed to take a turn at the A.I. ghost’s prompting. “Brace your – !!”_
> 
>  
> 
> _Shoot driver between the eyes. Targets incapacitated._
> 
>  
> 
> _I leaned out the window, drawing the Glock 21 and lowering my aim to one of the tires. But before I could squeeze the trigger, a loud crunch hit my ears. The momentum forcefully shifted into a swing. A blow to my left knocked me back into the seat, searing the skin on the side of my face, as the car spun out of control._
> 
>  
> 
> _With another jerk of momentum, it all stopped._

 

******

 

All at once, reality crashed around me with a panicked gasp for air.

‘How long was I out?’

Was I back with Hydra?

Still in the car. Not with Hydra. Strapped in place by the seat belt.

‘They don’t have m – Valeriy.’

Still in the seat next to me. Slumped against the dashboard.

‘…Valeriy…?’

Not a twitch to her fingers.

‘No…. Please don’t be – ’

I reached for her. Needed to find a pulse. Anything to tell me she’s here. Alive.

A bullet weaved right between my fingers. Far too close to Valeriy. Nicked the scarf around her neck. Before burying itself into the driver seat.

Instinctively, my hand reached for the dart revolver. Eyes snapping up to the front.

We were surrounded. Four bodies lit up by the street lights effectively hiding their headlights from the helicopter.

I hated how naturally my hands went to another weapon. COP .357. A far deadlier option when the revolver wasn’t found.

A man in a black suit held the still smoking M&P. “Hands up. Get out of the car.,” he ordered. “Keep your hands where I can see them.”

I couldn’t risk another shot like that. The next might not miss her. Kicking out the door, I stepped onto the pavement. Fingers still wrapped around the COP .357. The rest drawing the Gerber from its sheath strapped to my leg.

Shoot them all between the eyes. Targets incapacitated.

‘No.’

I had to find a better way. A less lethal way. Fists against bullets. Not the best of odds.

“ _They’re SHIELD,_ ” the A.I. ghost said in my ear. “ _Not Hydra._ ”

‘What’s the difference?’

“ _If you see the chance, run. Take the alleyway to your right._ ”

“Sergeant Barnes,” the older man called out. “We’re not here to hurt you. Just come with us peacefully. We’ll take you to somewhere safe.”

_“Sergeant Barnes.”_

_“Sergeant Barnes.”_

“ _Mr. Barnes._ ”

_“Sergeant Barnes.”_

“Shut up!!!” I yelled. Covering my ears only to realize I could still hear _everything_. “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”

Anything to get that voice to stop echoing.

_“Sergeant Barnes.”_

“Sergeant Barnes!”

“Shut up!!!”

_“Sergeant Barnes.”_

“Bucky.” _Her_ voice cut through the haze. Barely even a whisper in my ear.

My eyes snapped back to the car.

To my horror, the Asian woman had been dragging Valeriy’s body out of the car by the pack strapped to her back. She didn’t struggle as she was towed against the pavement. Completely limp.

Had she really spoken?

“Don’t touch her!” I roared.

Draw the COP .357. Shoot through the neck. Target incapacitated.

The younger Asian fired a shot and it bounced right off the metal shoulder. She stumbled back a step when I squared off with her.

Gerber between the ribs. Target incapacitated.

The older man stepped in front of her, protectively. M&P at the ready. “Sergeant Barnes! Calm down!”

_“Sergeant Barnes.”_

Toss grenade. Targets incapacitated.

_“Sergeant Barnes.”_

Then laughter filled the air. The Asian woman dropped to the asphalt. Rolling side to side. Gasping for breath.

“May?” one of the agents called out.

I couldn’t help the shiver at the sound. So misplaced in the situation. But she was unable to stop. Not even able to pull out the little dart imbedded in her cheek.

‘Valeriy.’

A dart sailed through the air from the revolver in her hand. No hesitation in her fingers as she pulled the trigger over and over again. Her battered body tried to keep up with what she demanded of it with broken movements. Trying to make herself less of an easy target for their bullets.

Amidst the chaos, I made a mad dash for her. Desperately, I reached out, wrapping my arms around the young woman. With a kick off the asphalt, I launched us backwards, taking shelter behind the wreck that we once rode.

They had seven bullets left, but three bullets hit the little car before nothing. Only spine chilling laughter filled the air. Different voices echoing each other.

The only one left standing was the middle aged agent. The click of his magazine sliding into place barely heard through the storm.

Then there’s Valeriy, noisily digging through her pack, and her right hand… it wasn’t listening to her. Struggling to do what she wanted of it before being used to pin her revolver against her leg to reload the darts.

“There’s another agent on their team,” she whispered quickly. Gray eyes not even flicking up over the surprisingly unscathed glasses for how swollen her cheek was. “I don’t see him. No idea as to why Triplett’s here. He wasn’t on their team last I checked. There could be others.”

There _should_ be others. A four man team would be unwise when dealing with me.

I searched the shadows for movement. Checking the sky for the helicopter. Far in the distance. Only a matter of time before it’d spot this mess and Hydra descends.

“Do you know if I darted anyone more than once?” she questioned, clipping mic to her scarf.

“You missed half your shots,” I stated through gritted teeth, trying to shake off the laughter that surrounded us.

“Fitz, have you seen anything like this before?” the older agent whispered into his comms.

I could hear the fear in his voice. I could hear the panic that responded. Couldn’t make much sense of the words through all the laughter.

“Can you hold this for a moment?” Valeriy asked, tossing a little golden ball my way. Intricate patterns swirling around the surface. When it landed in my hand, it opened in half on its own. Or the A.I. ghost’s doing.

“He’s approaching.” My other hand so easily slipped its way around the Gerber again.

Throw Mark II at the center of his forehead. Target incapacitated.

She quickly shoved three darts into the ball before slipping it into her pocket, and with a deep breath, she popped up. Right out into the open. An easy target.

I wanted to drag her back down. To the safety of cover. Out of harm’s way.

But she held out her mangled hand in a clear sign of stop. Leaving my flesh hand in the air. Caught between the gesture to stop and the overwhelming want of yank her to the ground.

“Your biochemist won’t be able to figure this out in the eight minutes before this giggling becomes permanent,” Valeriy stated coldly. Joking left aside. In a voice I couldn’t recognise. Too high to be hers. “I’m the only one who knows which bottle on me is the antidote. And there are a lot of bottles. Half of them deadly.”

I could see him in the reflection of the windows around us. The twitch to his M&P had me springing up, shielding her with my own body. He had every intention to maim her enough for an interrogation.

“You pull the trigger and I’ll pull mine,” she stated so calmly. Her revolver nuzzled right against her temple. “You won’t be able to wake me up in time to pry the antidote out of me and they will die. Be it from starvation, dehydration or exhaustion. Now that you have some idea what’s happening to them, shall we begin the negotiations, Agent Coulson?”

“Who the hell are you?!” the agent demanded angrily.

“I could ask ‘Isn’t SHIELD supposed to be dismantled? Aren’t you supposed to be dead?’ But I doubt either of us will get any answers, will we?”

And that was the tone I was used to. Light and airy. As if the clock wasn’t ticking on three bodies. As if she was merely asking which sandwich I wanted.

“What the hell are you doing?” I hissed at her, taking stock of all the potential sniper nests around us. Still not finding the agent she mentioned.

“Getting leverage,” she whispered. The seriousness back in her tone. “If I shoot myself, _run for it._ ”

I hated the order.

Hated that I still felt the need to follow it.

Hated that she still had that muzzle against her temple. Finger on the trigger.

Wanted nothing more than to rip the revolver out of her hand, but I forced my eyes away. To the shadows. To the windows. To the roofs.

‘No movement. Why even try with a four man crew…? Unless somebody’s enhanced.’

Like me.

Hopefully it’s one of the laughing agents. And _not_ the pissed off one. Could be the fifth Valeriy mentioned.

“You’re… Are you _protecting_ him…? You’re not Hydra...” the agent pieced together. Confusion so clear on his face. Even through all the rage.

‘Why would anyone protect me…?’

But here she was. Standing next to me. Doing just that. Side stepping me whenever I tried to get between them.

“The man beside you is dangerous. He’s unstable. Do you know who he is? He’s a fugitive. A terrorist. He’s the Winter Soldier,” the agent explained patiently.

As if he was talking to a child. To someone who’s been by lies. To the point they wouldn’t know what was real.

Like what _they_ did to me.

“You’re not turning me on him,” she stated so easily. Like it could never happen.

Like how I could have never turned on St….

“…You’re the woman the kid – ”

“So you’re the one who led Hydra to our doorstep. _Lovely._ Do you still have the kid? Or is he easy pickings for Hydra?”

“ _I’ve got him. Currently in the process of moving the parents. They’ll all disappear. Nobody will be able to find them. Not even their annoying little hacker girl. You’re on the clock._ ”

The stumble in the agent’s feet to get a little distance from her annoyed words made it seem like he couldn’t be Hydra. That he cared for the kid. The little blond boy who saw us.

“Step aside. Hand over the antidote. Let us handle Sergeant Barnes. And I’ll forget about you. We won’t bring you in as – ”

_“Sergeant Barnes.”_

“Not interested. Have fun watching them laugh themselves to death.” Valeriy gave my side a little push to start walking. “We’re leav – ”

I barely had enough time to yank her out of the way of his bullet. I could see that confident mask of hers fracturing. Feel the tremble in her arm under my fingers. Hear the shaky inhale as she tried to calm herself.

“You’re not going anywhere,” the agent seethed.

“ _I do believe the chopper’s spotted the crash._ ”

I couldn’t help but stare at the black helicopter headed straight for us. My heart pounding louder at my ears the closer it got.

“I get the whole agent thing and having your orders you need to complete, but right now, he’s the least of your problems,” Valeriy stated. “Though it won’t stay that way if you keep leading Hydra to him. Next time, I’m not going to use some obscure poison. I’ll be shooting to kill. No questions asked. No words exchanged. You’ve been sufficiently warned.”

With that, she handed me the revolver. The very thing I’ve been wanting to pry out of her fingers before she could shoot herself. She plucked the golden ball out of her pocket, and held it out towards him on an open palm.

“Is that…?”

“The antidote for your friends? Yeah, it’s inside.”

Wings unfurled off the golden surface and with a couple fluttering flaps, the ball took off down the street. Speeding through the night air.

“Ball’s in your court, Agent Coulson.”

Precious seconds ticked by as they stared each other down. Neither moving.

The helicopter closing in. Getting louder and louder.

The moment those dark eyes glanced away from us, I tossed Valeriy atop of my shoulder and booked it. Making the decision for us. Going right down the alleyway the A.I. ghost had pointed out.

“Huh…. I guess this works,” Valeriy commented over my shoulder. Her hands slipping on the back of my jacket as she tried to prop herself up.

“ _Go left._ ”

“Holy shit. You can run,” her voice light and rather excited. “You should have just ran for it when we left the house.”

“Anyone following?” I asked her, ignoring her comment in favor of concentrating on running as fast as I could and keeping an eye on the environment in front. No movements.

  1. People should still be asleep.



“ _You have two operatives in play who are unaccounted for. Predicted to be close by._ ”

“Don’t you see everyth – ”

“Oh, I think I see one,” Valeriy pointed out, cutting me off. “On the roof…. With a rifle.”

And another moved in the shadows in front.

Use body as a bat. Impale lung onto broken railing. Target incapacitated.

I aimed the revolver at the one in front, leaping to the right in the same instance. Whatever came out of the rifle wasn’t a regular bullet, and for a rare moment, I was rather glad for the metal arm.

Didn’t need to be knocked out.

Didn’t need to be doubled over in laughter.

Didn’t want to forget with whatever messed with memories that Valeriy had on hand.

Or whatever else people shot each other with.

As a round face fell out of the shadows, I spun around, searching for the next target and was met with the exact same face on the roof.

Dart in the face. Let fall over the edge. Target incapacitated.

I ground my teeth together. I couldn’t pull the trigger. The risk of him falling over too high. The chances of him surviving the fall too low.

“ _Keep running._ ”

All too unexpectedly, the man slumped to the side. A dart sticking out of his neck.

“ _This one covered._ ”

With an unsettled feeling in my gut, I ran.

“Ooo, your Pup-ple are here, huh?”

I could feel the tense muscles of her abdomen relax just a fraction.

“Mind seeing if Coulson left anything behind? Amber wants to know how he’s back from the fucking dead.”

“ _...Your priorities are horrid…._ ”

“Did the two agents not show up on your cameras?” I questioned, bringing them back to the situation at hand. Hopefully. The bickering and distractions would only serve to bring Hydra closer.

The A.I. ghost saw everything. The two agents were in plain sight. They couldn’t have been unaccounted for until just then. Unless they were enhanced in some way that left her blind to them.

“Uhhh… Well, the uhh truce? No, collaboration? We have? Had? Haven’t worked with them for some years. But thanks to a deal Gramps made, Eve’s left with these gaping gaps in her purview…? When it comes to SHIELD. She can only act against them when we’re in direct conflict… which was a just contingency. Never thought we’d use it…. I still don’t see the male agent on his team. Where the fuck is he?”

“ _Take the next left. It’s a little ways to the rendezvous. If you had only bought me a little more time in their systems, I would have been able to confirm if he was Hydra._ ”

“… _No_ , Coulson’s not Hydra. He can’t be. No, he’s – he’s _Coulson_.”

“ _We were talking about Ward. A right and a straight shot from here._ ”

“…So is he here with Hydra then?”

“ _...I haven’t managed to confirm much about him besides that he isn’t here with Coulson at the moment. Since somebody didn’t buy me enough time._ ”

“We were out of time,” I interrupted. Had to stop the bickering. “You could have bought yourself more time just now.”

“ _Wasn’t my call._ ”

The alleyway gave to a main road. Empty and completely hidden from the lack of working street lamps. Wouldn’t doubt it being the A.I. ghost’s doing. From the helicopter, it could be easily passed over in the darkness of the night.

I stayed in the alleyway, checking for an ambush. Eyeing the semi-truck parked directly across from us. No one in the cabin. No movements anywhere.

“ _Get in the truck already. The road’s clear. You’re wasting time._ ”

With a mildly irritated huff at how relaxed they suddenly sounded, I adjusted Valeriy’s weight on my shoulder and quickly crossed the open area. Stuck close to the side of the crate to minimize our profile.

“We’re not driving this monster. To the back,” the young woman pointed out and I turned on a heel, hurrying my steps. “We’re cargo. Assuming this is one of our trucks. I sure hope you like hot and cramped….”

An icy blast of air slapped me in the face when I swung open the truck door.

I could feel my heart drop down to my stomach. Barely even felt my feet stumbling back a step.

Didn’t even register the body that fell off mine until a face blocked the horrid sight. Warm hands settled on either side of my face. Just enough to distract me from the frozen bodies hanging from meat hooks.

“Hey, eyes here, Buddy. We need to get insi – ”

I shook my head, backing away from the cold air. “Please…. I can – I can protect you. I promise. I’ll do anything,” I begged. “Please don’t freeze me again…. I can protect you….”

“You were frozen…? What? They had cryonics worked out so long ago? The hell?”

“ _Please_. I’ll be good. I’llbegood. I’llbegoodI’lldoanything. V – ”

“Shhhh.” A hand covered my mouth, muffling my words. “You’re not going to get frozen. It’s about thirty seconds of cold and then it’ll be all toasty, ‘kay?”

That had to be a lie. The container’s a damn freezer. Nothing warm about it.

“And yeah, the cows look really demented… so just keep your eyes on me.”

Her hand dropped to mine, tugging on it. Trying to pull me closer to the cold. The other trying to slip back into a glove.

“ _Twenty seconds. You don’t have time._ ”

A wince passed over her features as she stripped out of her hoodie. “I’m sorry for this.” She pulled the warmed fabric over my shoulders, holding onto the front together and pulling the hood over my head. “Get to the back of the freezer and wait for me.”

And with those words, I had no choice but to follow inside. As she paused at the door, I hurried to the back, weaving through all the filleted bodies. With the thundering heartbeat in my ears, I could barely catch a creak of the door closing, but definitely heard the metal on metal clang of the door sliding into place. Drove home that I was stuck in here. In the cold.

_“He’s been out of cryo too long.”_

A light lit up the darkness. Moving straight for me. Strapped to the side of the young woman racing between the bodies. On the last meter, she dropped to her knees, sliding right into the wall next to me. Her hands shoved upwards, pushing a panel to reveal another compartment.

“Give me the rifle and get in. You’ll warm right up. Not going to let you freeze.”

I scrambled for the hole and handed her the Nemesis in one movement.

The compartment was tiny. Didn’t even have the width to fit my shoulders. Even if I hunched them together. Barely had the height if I didn’t slouch as much as I could.

She wasn’t joking about it being toasty. It was damn near suffocating. I couldn’t feel any of the cold air from the open hole just 71 centimeters away from my face.

I couldn’t hear much beyond the mechanical hum that muffled everything my ears could pick up. Made my world that much smaller. Narrowed it down to just the truck.

_“Put him back into cryo.”_

Valeriy tossed her phone inside, lighting up the straps that crisscrossed the ceiling. She tucked her pack and the Nemesis above them.

Took everything in me not to fight my way out at the roar of the engine. A sway of the truck and it started moving. Driving. Somebody was up front driving.

Music blared loudly around us. Screaming and thumping. I could feel it from the walls and floor. Beating against me. And my world became a 103 centimeter by 82 centimeter by 49 centimeter compartment.

“ _Get inside already._ ”

A rough turn had Valeriy tumbling inside. Her legs curled up. Hers hands batted at the metal sheet wall.

I couldn’t help the full body flinch at the loud bang of the hidden panel falling into place. Or the second bang of my head colliding with the far too low ceiling.

“So… I remember this being slightly roomier last time I had to share one of these compartments…. How are you hol – ?”

Valeriy’s head lolled back. Gray eyes staring up at me. That couldn’t be good for her neck. For the cut. For her spine.

“ – Oh, you are not okay. You are so not okay.”

A mess of limbs flopped about until she managed to face me. Somewhat. Pressed up into the far wall. Legs tangled over and under mine. Part of one was even stuck up over my shoulder. Boot braced against the metal until a squeak of rubber screeched at my ear.

“You’ll warm up. You’re not going to freeze,” she assured, grabbing onto my ankle. Above the sock and under the pant leg.

A frown, a clench of her other fist and a nod later, she was back to the limb flailing. There wasn’t much room for it.

“What are you trying…?” I managed to get out before an elbow hit my jaw and her bottom dropped onto my lap. “Val – …?”

“You’ll warm up. I’m sorry. Won’t let you freeze. I’m so sorry. It’ll be warm. I’m so sorry Bucky,” she practically chanted over and over again. Her voice coming through the ear piece in a whisper.

_It only took seconds to freeze._

Her back sank against my front, following the curve of my slouch. Her hands frantic between rubbing up and down the sides of my legs, my arm as well as the metal one, and cupping my face. The usual light gentle touch of hers nowhere to be felt. Rough, pushing into my flesh as if to confirm that was where I was. But still far from the pain of Hydra.

At my shiver from all the contact, her movements sped up. Practically smacking me in the face in her rush.

‘She can’t even feel the temperature, can she…?’

“You’ll warm up.”

Being mindful to keep the metal arm away from her, I gathered her wayward hands. She fought it for a second. Likely not realizing I had one of her hands until she couldn’t move it.

She finally stilled. Letting me hold onto the wrist of her injured one.

“I’m not cold,” I told her.

_Three long seconds of burning pain._

Again her head rolled her neck into a bad position. Resting it against my shoulder so she could stare up at me. “I’m sorry.”

I shook my head at her.

For the first time in my shattered memories, I didn’t feel cold. Not the cold in my surroundings. Not the cold deep in my chest. Not the cold of the arm fused to my side.

A moment of warmth in the suffocating hot box. Cared for and not alone.

“We’ll get out of this. They won’t get you,” Valeriy assured. Not that she could be sure of it. No matter how confident she sounded.

“Your neck’s going to break if you keep doing that.” But that felt like the least of our problems.

She lifted her head to stare in front and took a deep breath. Her body tensing as if expecting a hit. “What’s – ” A heavy sigh escaped her. “…What’s the damage?”

“ _One BWM i3 and a few bricks. That’s about it. Clean up is mostly finished. As if nothing happened. I’ll have a professional come in the morning to double check the building’s structural integrity after that crash. My safe house passed Hydra inspections._ ”

“The bomb?”

“ _Unhappy residents were woken up. I should be able to dust it under the rug as a gas leak or the like._ ”

“Coulson?”

“ _Got away from Hydra. Didn’t manage to find blood or something of his. He’s the only one who’s seen you tonight and will remember. If he spends some time on your interaction tonight, and he will, only a matter of time before he concludes who poisoned his agents._ ”

“Mind running interference for that?”

“ _I don’t have the permissions for that._ ”

At the side of her head, her fingers twitched couple of times and her body slumped with a sigh. “…You will…. And the kid?”

“ _The kid and his family are already on route to the new destination safe from Hydra._ ”

“The dead?”

“ _None, and the two of you are going to make it out if you learn to be quiet. Overall, not bad._ ”

“Not bad?” I repeated. Annoyed. Tired of how everything seemed to be a joke to them. “I can’t believe we made it this far.”

I had half the mind to think all this had been dreamt up. Thawing out. Still stuck with Hydra. That I never escaped. That St… that he wasn’t alive. That she was never real. That this was all but a dream.

“We’re up against _Hydra_ and you’re fooling around with Pacman and running other objectives as if they weren’t on our tail and you weren’t being shot at.”

“Bucky, we don’t – ”

“Do you have any idea what you’re up against?”

“K – ”

“You almost died tonight.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t – ”

“Would you have…?”

Valeriy almost carefully shifted off me, curling up into a ball against the far wall. Roughly dragging her sleeve across her face. “Would I have…?”

“Killed them. Would you have killed them? Would you have given him the antidote if he didn’t cooperate? Would you have run over that agent if I didn’t knock him out?”

I couldn’t help the wince at how it looked when she ran her clearly injured hand through her hair. The crack of a bone shifting in her right hand mostly muffled by all the sounds around us.

Her face disappeared into the crook of her elbow. A sniffle crossed through the ear piece, and I doubt the A.I. ghost could sniffle. A shaky inhale later, the young woman ground out, “Empty threats are dumb and I wasn’t bluffing about the poison.”

“…You don’t want blood on your hands, Valeriy. It’s not something you can hit restart and undo….”

But how I wished it were. A simple little button and all those lives spare from my hands. Everything undone.

“They have families. People who care – ”

“Save the lecture, Bucky,” she huffed, refusing to look at me. “You’re too late…. Years too late.”

“You can’t predict everything. With the job you do, you’re bound to lose a couple of people. It’s not the same as – ”

Even in the dim light, I could see those pale gray eyes when they turned to me. Begging me to stop. Tears screaming out that there was so much more to all this.

_“Can’t un-know things, so be careful what you ask.”_

Did I want to know?

And I found myself wondering if there wasn’t always a world’s distance between her and the physical location of whoever she was supposed to protect. That she was at ground zero and right in the thick of it.

Or that maybe she didn’t have the easiest escape from her previous captors they’ve mentioned.

Or that she could actually bloody her hands. Like she had tried tonight. To protect me of all things.

Did I really want to know that?

“ _…Just so you know, you’re coming up to a Hydra perimeter road block._ ”

“Does the driver know of us?” I asked, taking the change of topics.

“ _Nope. He just thinks his radio is broken. Time to learn how to be quiet. Val? Sorry. Light’s out._ ”

As the light went out, I surged forwards. Covering Valeriy’s mouth with metal. Forcing her jaw shut barely in time to muffle a scream. Wrapping my arm around her neck when she started to struggle. Locking her limbs into place with my legs. Squeezing down when she tried to fight back.

Crush neck. Target incapacitated.

The truck rolled to a stop. 18 seconds ticked by and the engine was killed. The music stopped. What once deafened me could have been our cover. Now there was nothing to stop a bump against a metal sheet or a scream from revealing our hiding place.

Nails dug into my leg that pinned Valeriy’s when pushing didn’t work. The mangled hand barely able to use any strength.

A clank and then a creak sounded before footsteps echoed along the metal. Growing louder and louder. Closer and closer.

Break ribs. Target incapacitated.

Her fingers lightly tapped against my leg. Two taps in quick sessions. Over and over again. Oddly soothing. Tugging on habits long forgotten to let her go.

I fought the instincts. As trained. Squeezed down tighter. Stilling her insistent shifting. One wrong move on our part and we would be heard.

I could tell exactly where the person was. Walking along the back wall. The wall right next to us. His feet less than 13 centimeters away. I could heard a gloved hand sliding across the metal surface.

Keep pressure. Target incapacitated.

“It’s clean,” I managed to catch over the mechanical hum. Steps pattering out faster than it did coming in.

“ _I do hope you haven’t killed the girl._ ”

Her words as cold as the ice flooding through my veins.

“ _Not picking up much from camera and mic, not even breathing._ ”

I quickly loosened my grip on the young woman. Still pinning her down. Waiting for the screaming to start up in the darkness. For the struggles to give us away. Nothing.

Only my racing heartbeat thundering in my ears and a faint movement of her lungs taking in air. She’s alive. I hadn’t killed her. Not yet.

I let her go.

Before I could do her more harm.

Her head made no attempt to stop itself from rolling into an uncomfortable angle. She had to be out cold.

It felt like an eternity before the metal on metal sound of the closing door. Before the engine roared to life. Before the music shrank the world down to just this compartment.

 

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes the end of the first bit of Mosaic and the start of moving into the next bit. 
> 
> (Yup, that is a HP Golden Snitch. Cause why not when Val's total a geek at heart.)
> 
> I'd love to hear what you think. 
> 
> (I caved and asked. Been hard trying to resist asking what people thought)


	15. Bucky Barnes - Stained Ass Carpet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I has got a new beta!! Aereul’s schedule has gotten too busy and a new player has stepped in. YAY.
> 
> She wishes to stay anonymous for the time being.

 

******

 

No movements. None coming from the road towards the motel.

No familiar faces. None that I could catch on the way here.

No reason to keep the COP .357 clutched between my fingers. But I found myself unable to let go. Still too wound up to leave my perch by the window for more than a few minutes.

I had to be ready for anything.

They will come for me.

Only a matter of time.

Only a matter of time before she would wake.

I could feel this coming to an end. The rather peaceful days of the house now long gone.

Even if this little motel room was likely set up by one of the A.I. ghost’s assets. The sheets too clean for the peeling wallpapers. The pile of boxes in the corner sported the same logos as the box that contained the tool to fix the arm.

Likely meant that she had cameras all over this place as well.

No reason for me to keep an eye on the surroundings. She could see far more than I could. Unless it involved SHIELD.

A sharp intake of air sounded behind me and then a muffled scream caught behind clenched teeth. Before the young woman could wake the other motel guests, I turned on the lamp on the night table.

It wasn’t the blood curdling screams in the darkness.

Pain.

So clear in her eyes. Her body language.

“You can feel?” I asked in confusion, scrambling through the first aid kit for pain killers.

“No,” she breathed out, weakly tugging on my arm. “No drugs.”

“You’re in pain.”

“I’ll be okay,” she assured. “Eve? What happened to the tingly thing?”

“ _Might want to wear a certain piece of jewelry so I don’t end up electrocuting you,_ ” the A.I. ghost said, her voice coming from the phone I left on the table. “ _Unless you’re actually into that sort of thing…. Mr. Barnes, the current’s mild and…_ not _… whatever you think it is…._ ”

‘Nothing’s attached to her head. Not going to scramble her brain,’ I tried to reason. Watching her trying to crawl down the bed.

I lifted her hand.

I had the bracelet. The A.I. ghost had been getting me to lend it to her for a minute at a time. To check her status at random intervals.

This time I knew I wasn’t getting it back for something time. But I was awake. I shouldn’t need waking from a nightmare. Just had to keep my head on my shoulders.

With practiced ease, I slipped it from my wrist to hers.

Almost immediately her muscles began twitching. Her right arm collapsing under her.

“Relax Bucky,” she almost laughed out, placing her right hand on the metal arm. The hand wrapped up in a thin metal cast. “Now our hands kind of match.”

Both were involuntarily twitching.

“…‘Kay. Cutting back on the jokes, and you can stop worrying. The pain’s at a more manageable level. It’s mostly pins and needles, so kind of ticklish? What about you? Injuries?”

I shook my head, backing away from her fingers ghosting over my left cheek. “I’m functional.”

“…Anything broken? Cuts? Bullet holes? Need stitches?” Her hand going for her glasses, which I plucked out of her fingers.

Unable to handle those pale gray eyes staring up at me, I moved to the chair by the window.

“…Did you at least treat them…?”

‘No movements.’ Not even a car.

“…Bucky…?”

“…What do you last remember?”

“Uhh… freaking the fuck out in the dark? What’s that got to do with you treating your wounds or not?”

“I should be the least of your concerns. You should be scared of me.”

“What would I – …I’m _so_ lost, Bucky.”

“I attacked you!” I snapped.

“Oh…. _That_ …. Eh,” she shrugged. “Probably easier to have just shot me a couple of times with the knockout darts? Pretty sure most these injuries was from me fucking around before the crash…?”

“Can you take this seriously for once?!” I demanded, facing her.

Not even a flinch as she stared right back. But her body language changed. Shifting to rest her head against a propped up arm. Fingers threading through those long locks. Ignoring the strands of hair caught in the joints of the metal cast.

“Was I scared? Yeah. The dark kind of does that to me…. Being pinned down did nothing to help. But I know that screaming isn’t the best hiding tactic, and Hydra really fucking terrifies you. In that situation, probably wouldn’t even blame you if you snapped my neck. Would suck though.”

I could only hope that it’d never get to that point. That her blood wouldn’t be added to the already long list.

“I wasn’t kidding about believing that you don’t want to hurt people, Bucky. I see how hard you’re trying. Saw it that night a month ago. Even saw it with the Hydra agents…. Of all the people you’d give your mercy to… you try with them. You’re a better person than I ever could be. Have a little faith in yourself. The only person I’ve seen you try to hurt is yourse – …Oh shit. Did you…?”

“No,” I sighed, glancing back out the window. Avoiding the panicked gaze and then the relieved grin. “There has to be some line.”

‘Before you stop forgiving….’

Easy enough to spot her soft smile in the reflection.

“Hurt me knowingly of your own free will. That’s my line. Not just physical pain. If you make fun of my sixth toe, I’m going to be _so_ heartbroken.”

My eyes fell shut at the rush of relief. The tension falling away from my shoulders. I hadn’t destroyed this. Somehow I hadn’t manage to destroy what we had with my own two hands.

‘But I’m bound to kil – Is she…?’

The COP .357 muzzle found its way back into its holster. My hands found their way to my face, covering my eyes. My forehead leaned against the cool window frame.

“Hey, Bucky?”

“I don’t see anything,” I sputtered out. Trying to curl into myself.

“How _did_ you get the cast around my ribs?”

“I didn’t see anything. She said to tuck it under your shirt and she’d take care of everything.”

“Oh…. Thanks. Mind lending me a hand?”

“…Are you finished changing?”

Laughter echoed to my ears. “I can change without flashing people, Bucky, but I’m done.”

A sigh escaped me and my eyes wandered back over to her. “Rest. You need it, Valeriy.”

“Rest is for the dead,” she waved off my words, crawling for the boxes again. The bloody clothes in favor of her usual big T-shirt and much too short shorts.

With a few steps, I blocked her way. A hand itching to reach out to her. To stop her movements. Bundle her back under the blankets. But I could just as easily hurt her. “Rest.”

“Rest is for the dead.”

Her nose wrinkled in distaste at the notion of staying tucked in bed.

“Got better things to do. Like removing a GPS from another bracelet. There should be one or two in one of the boxes.”

“ _Inside the smallest one._ ”

With a frown, I plucked the box off the pile and settled on the foot of the bed. The Gerber twirled between my fingers, before slicing through the tape. Inside were four of the same bracelets and a very familiar purple toolbox with a dented corner.

Things from the house were sitting in the motel room before we arrived….

I almost jumped when Valeriy’s arm brushed past me, tossing a bracelet over her shoulder before digging around in the toolbox.

“ _So_ … I’d prefer it if you held the bracelet for me? My right hand’s a little too dumb for fine work at the moment. Don’t really want to waste time crawling on that stained ass carpet looking for a screw or something.”

With a nod, I picked up the bracelet, holding it steady at the height she usually liked to work at. Her knee popped up to support my hand and I couldn’t help but shrink away.

“Relax, Bucky.” Her fingers closed around mine, pulling to rest my hand on her knee again. “My head’s screwed on my shoulders well enough to not bite you.”

“That’s not – …I don’t…. I….”

Valeriy merely smiled. Getting right down to using the tweezers as a screwdriver. Fingers spinning the tool with ease.

A little bite was nothing to be afraid of. Not in comparison to what I could do to her. What I’ve done. A little bite had nothing on the torture.

“They’ll never stop…” I tried when she handed me a tiny little chip, two millimetres long, to crush between metal fingers.

“Probably?”

“It’s not just Hydra.”

“ _Everybody who’s anybody is looking for you, Mr. Barnes_.”

“Though, I’m pretty sure I’d be okay if Coulson had gotten ahold of me,” Valeriy noted lightly, struggling to keep the screw in its hole long enough to turn it into place.

“SHIELD is Hydra,” I stated.

“Not entirely? Coulson’s a good person. I could have probably been able to talk my way out…? We used to get along…. Didn’t exactly give him the help he wanted when he came to me post death, but I did point him to someone else who could help? Definitely didn’t win any points with the whole poisoning his agents thing…. I guess so long as Fury doesn’t pop up, I should be okay?”

“Fury?” I repeated. The name so familiar. “He had a… an eyepatch? I think… I think I killed him.”

A huffing laugh fell through her lips as her head bounced in a nod. “I doubt he’d stay dead?”

“I shot him in the lung. With a real bullet. Not darts.”

“Still pretty sure he’s alive somehow. Especially with Coulson being rather spry for a dead guy.”

“What does that even mean?”

“A couple years ago, Coulson was stabbed through the… uhh…. It’s the torso area…?” she said, right hand gesturing to where a lung should be.

“ _File you found says the heart._ ”

“Not something one just shrugs off, so the guy had to be straight up _dead_ at one point or another. I highly doubt they could get him medical attention right away either. Not with Loki, the Norse….”

‘…They can bring people back to life…?’

“…You know what? There’s probably files with what they actually did. Has to be with that bastard F….”

‘…There’s no escaping, is there…?’

“ _…well deleted when Hydra decided to reveal themselves. His little hacker girl’s rather talented, I must admit. I didn’t manage to gather as much as I’d like off their servers with our little intera…._ ”

‘…I can’t even die….’

“…son got a hold of you, not sure where you’d end up. He’s obsessed with a certain blond icon but Fury is? Was? His director. That bastard would probably hole you up at some black site beyond Eve’s reach and I wouldn’t doubt that he would tor….”

‘…They’ll bring me back….’

“ _…levels are making me uneasy…._ ”

‘…Have I…?’

“…Oh shit shit shit shit shit….”

‘…I should….’

“…Nothing’s going to happen to you. You’ve got us….”

‘…I should…?’

“…I got you, Bucky….”

‘….I need to go back to – Carpet?!’

Right in my face. A head of dark hair at the edge of my periphery. A warm pressure against my chest.

Scrambling off of the back I was draped over, I barely managed to stop myself from sending a foot at those pale gray eyes when a hand grabbed my leg.

“Shhhh…. There, there. You’re safe. You’re uhhh… Do you want to go for a walk outside?”

“What the hell happened…?” I asked, taking in my surroundings.

The dingy motel room. The peeling green and orange flowered wallpaper. The stained carpet we sat upon.

“No idea. You kind of just… zoned out…? And lost all the color in your face…. So I thought I’d take you outside? Maybe it’d ground you a bit? Eve said there’s no one around….”

“…Were you…?”

Shuffling on her hands and knees. My body draped over her back.

“Were you trying to _carry_ me outside?”

“Uhhh… y-yes…?” she half winced out, as if she knew where this was going.

Stuffing down my irritation the best I could, I moved to return her back on the bed. Only to freeze midway. So easy to break something already broken.

Those big gray eyes staring up at me. I could see the uncertainty in them. The little bit of panic left over. The bit of sweat on her forehead. I could only hope it was due to exertion, but pain had to be a factor.

She shouldn’t even be using her right hand. But it reached out to me, along with the other. Even weaving her fingers with the metal ones. A comforting smile, pulling at her lips.

“You’re not going to hurt me, Bucky,” Valeriy insisted. Confidence so clear in her voice.

I still found myself pulling away. Those fingers so easy to crush. Just a little misuse of strength.

“Bucky…?”

“You shouldn’t be on your legs with that ankle. You shouldn’t be crawling around on that hand,” I told her, deciding to lift her off the floor with two hands on her hips. “Least of all trying to carry me with those ribs. Hairline fractures…. Your bones look like they’ve got spider webs on them….”

But Valeriy shrugged as I set her on the bed. “To be expected. Broke a bunch of bones a bunch of times.”

Again, I found myself unsure if I wanted to know why.

Was it abuse? Was it from the kidnappings?

I didn’t like any of the scenarios that drifted through my head.

But the smile she sported made even less sense. “Was a super dumb kid?”

As if that explained everything.

“Fell, _a lot_. From really high places…. And probably not recommended to be running around labs with all the heavy equipment. Oh and there’s this horse… kind of… trampled on me once…. Loads of dumb things. Heh.”

“ _I tried to stop what I could…. I really did. I did my best…. Doesn’t help that those casts lets her move around so easily. Could only hope she’d calm down as a teenager._ Nope _._ ”

“Hahaha, yeah. I remember being able to hop back onto the bike the day after an accident.”

“ _Only to crash into another tree, you dumb idiot._ ”

“There’s a lot of trees on the mountain.”

‘My head hurts….’

She’s as much a danger to herself as anybody else.

“But yeah, these metal thingies are great.”

Her fingers tapping the thin cast on her right hand.

“Eve uses metal pins to move the bones back into place like puzzle pieces and keep them there. The electricity stimulates healing or something? Gramps made them so we don’t grow up with stupidly messed up bone structures with how often we broke them… probably. Good save for fancy ass parties where we have to look per – ”

“Your grandfather…. I have….”

There was something there. There had to be with the way her posture shifted back just the slightest.

“…There’s a history there,” I stated.

Valeriy tensed up completely. Then a heavy sigh passed between us. She held up a finger and grabbed her phone. Jerking back when the screen lit up.

“The fuck did the day go? Don’t tell me I slept an entire day. _Shit_.”

Her eyes glancing back to the pile of boxes. Her fingers typing rapidly across the screen.

“ _You don’t have time for this bullshit, Val._ ”

“You’re the one who made this bed, lie in it, Eve,” spoken with such irritation that my stomach twisted. “I am. So don’t make me mute you as well.”

She lifted the bottom of the phone to her lips. Clearing her throat.

“This is Valeriy Ayers. Confirmation through D.N.A. and voice.”

“ _Don’t do anything you’ll regret, Val. You have until six A.M. to get everything ready._ ”

“I blew out her ears in this room. Rather not have her interrupting with her assumptions.”

The phone slipped from between her fingers, bouncing onto the bed. Her other hand ran through her hair. Ripping right through the strands that got caught between the metal joints of the cast. Clearly irritated.

“She didn’t tell me anything,” I pointed out. “I found out on my own.”

“Yes, but she’s been the one shifting and filtering information so you wouldn’t find this out. Especially if it took you this long…. I didn’t put her up to it. Just assumed you weren’t looking into it…. Eve did it mostly out of protection for me… I think?”

“She believes I’d react badly… and hurt you.”

“Or that you’d book it far too early? I highly doubt you’d actually hurt me.”

And that’s when it hit me.

“…She no longer believes you’re safe around me.”

“That’d be my guess going off of her line of actions and the timing of them… but all things considered, pretty sure I’m still safest with you around.”

“I’m not him. I’m not that her – ”

“Shit. I hope I haven’t made you feel like you had to be…” she lamented. Head dropping into her hands. “Absolutely suffocating pretending to be someone you’re not. Been trying to avoid comparing you with the stories I grew up with. I know they’re likely exaggerated. That they’ll never be the whole picture….”

“…Why didn’t you tell me?”

“…I had no idea how to tell you,” her voice so small. “Still don’t…. I knew I was digging myself into a deeper hole the more time passed. Dreading the day you’d ask. I’m terrified that this will blow up in my face…. You’re my frie – ”

“You know more about me than I do, don’t you? Was everything a lie?”

The words tumbling out of my mouth, leaving a bitter taste in their wake. My gut twisting and flopping at the physical flinch to her small frame. Tears lining the edge of those distraught eyes.

“I have no idea if I know more about you than you do… and I don’t want to make you feel like you had to live up to some past image of you. I need to be better about that. But I can admit to omitting parts and things you don’t directly ask about, and I always will. But not to hurt you. Not intentionally. There are things I can’t speak of. But I haven’t lied to y – ”

“The kidnapping’s a lie, when you were eight. All the news reports said that you wandered off on your own.”

“Damn it, Eve!”

Just about ready to pull out her hair.

“I was forced into lying to the police and media. A kidnapping would look far worse on the family than a careless mistake on my part and the ones watching over me.”

Her words spoken monotonously until they would waver and break.

“My friends, my bodyguards, were executed for being in the way…. They weren’t even conscious after the crash.... Everything was covered up…. I don’t know if Eve let you see the pictures, but getting lost in the city doesn’t involve being found with an ear half dangling…. You saw the scar…. Though we did try to bury the stories and pictures. People’s memories are out of Eve’s realm of control….”

A huff blew out her nose. Her eyes fell shut. With each ticking second, her shoulders sagged more and more.

“…You don’t have to believe me. I won’t make you stay either. But stay long enough for us to get you across the border. SHIELD would be watching everything in and out of the states. Hydra’s probably has a similar playbook and more resources from the looks of it? Moving people unnoticed is something we’ve gotten extremely good at. So let me at least do that.”

I couldn’t help but look away. Towards the door. To the light between the blinds and window frame of a car passing by. Unable to wrap my head around as to what her agenda could be. What were her motives for keeping away me from Hydra? What could she gain from that?

“You’re my friend, Bucky. You were my friend before I knew you were Bucky Barnes or the Winter Soldier. No way in hell could I recognise you under all the clothing and that beard…. You’re my friend since the days we sat on a bench eating sandwiches….”

All I saw was her back walking away. I couldn’t reach out in time. Not before the door fell shut. A click of the lock separated us. Running water muffled a choked sob.

Left in the middle of the room, I settled back on the chair I had moved to the window. Unable to clear that broken voice from my mind. Feeling what’s left of whatever it was that we had crumble at my own finger tips.

Bits and pieces that couldn’t fit back together again.

The door out was only a mere three steps away from me.

I wanted to run. Run away from everything. From all this.

I wanted to punch something. Feel it collapse. Cave in. Break.

I wanted to scream. Yell out everything festering inside. Rotting away at my sanity.

Instead, I plucked my notebook off the night table. Flipping through pages and pages of Cyrillic text. Little bits of English managing to show up once in awhile. Taking pen to paper.

_Curious gray eyes stared up at me._

_Barbeque sauce and coleslaw ghosted over my tongue._

_Happy laughter rung at my ears._

_Freshly baked cookies filled my nose._

_Gentle fingers combed through my hair._

“Friends….”

Looking back on it all… she had my six….

My muscles jumped at the turn of the bathroom lock. Steam rolled into the room as Valeriy silently limped her way to the boxes. Fingers picking at the tape of one of the medium sized boxes. Her hair still dripping with water.

Her back faced me. Purposefully moved so she wouldn’t have to see anything that wasn’t the corner or the boxes. Nothing was relaxed about her posture. As if bracing for a physical hit. Every movement so controlled compared to how she usually was.

The sound of tape tearing the cardboard grated on my nerves. Too loud in the suffocating silence between us.

That was until a pained gasp had her doubled over. The boxes supporting her and they were slipping from their neat stack in her attempt to keep upright.

Rushing to her, I wrapped my arm around her waist and carried her to the bed. Hopefully, she’d stay on it this time. She shouldn’t be on her feet.

As she curled into a tight ball, hugging those broken ribs, waves rippling on her right arm from contracting muscles. Toes of her left foot likely dancing with the pulses of electricity.

I quickly picked up the painkillers again, holding them out to her with a bottle of water.

Stubbornly, she shook her head, pushing them away. Curling into a tighter ball. Focusing on slowing her breathing.

“You’re in pain.”

A breath of relief escaped me when she took hold of the bottle. That was until she hurled it across the room. It didn’t get far with how weak she was.

“Val – ”

“Just ignore me,” she snapped.

But I couldn’t.

And at the same time, I couldn’t cross the rift between us.

Bloodshot eyes gave me a glance before she forced herself to sit up with a heavy sigh.

“…I was an addict. I can’t trust myself as an addict. I’m not going to risk it. Withdrawal is a pain in the ass. Been in worse shape. I can handle this much. Eve was just shifting something back into place….”

“What about using the stuff you used to numb yourself with?”

“That becomes permanent after a while. I love my sense of touch far too much for that.”

Never once making eye contact. Her hair getting caught between the metal joints of her cast again.

I found my hand catching hers, carefully trying to untangle the strands of hair.

“Umm thanks…?”

The smile lacking the warmth it once held. A deep breath drew into her lungs.

“…Eve’s still deaf to us…,” she stated. “What do you want to know about the stories? Actually _what_ did she show you?”

“Came across one of your buildings.”

“Oh… the Swiss H.Q….. Yeah, your face is all over that one…. Gramps seriously loves you. I swear we see your face more than his…. It’s how Amber recognised you? We didn’t learn about you guys in school since we weren’t States’ side.”

“Who was I….”

Shifting uncomfortably, I tried to settle on the other bed in the room. Get a bit of distance.

“…Who was I to your grandfather?”

“He was a kid you saved in the war? And umm… you taught him how to convert between metric and imperial? He won’t admit it but I’m pretty sure you’re the one behind Gramps nabbing Marshmallow? I mean my grandmother… when they were kids. It was only ever each other for them.”

“I don’t remember any of this….”

“A lot was happening for you at that time…? Between the war and all the stuff the Howling Commandos were up to, meeting Gramps probably didn’t change anything for you… unlike for him.

“You… sort of became a weird addition to my family? Father _hates_ you for how much of Gramps’ attention you took. Though those two rarely communicate with each other anyways…. Even my brother and I aren’t entirely sure who Gramps loves more. Us, or you and the Captain…. Gramps… he’s still looking for you… in what turns out to be the completely wrong spot.”

“Still? Doesn’t he know I’m with you? Didn’t either of you tell him?”

“I will skin anyone who tells him where you are if you aren’t in the room next to his. Not sure about Eve. She’s a bit lacking in the skin department…. When it comes to you, Gramps becomes damn stupid. He’s disappeared on us before. Found him stripped down to his underwear in late stage hypothermia, and he was _still_ digging in the snow.”

‘That’s probably who she got her recklessness from….’

“All ‘cause some blithering _idiot_ let slip to Gramps that we found….”

“Found what?”

“…A bone in your left pinky…?”

My stomach dropped at the words.

“Kind of collected most of your bottom left arm actually…. Still currently combing the Alps. He’s never going to stop until you’re brought home and laid to rest next to your parents and sisters….”

“They’re all dead,” I realized. Air leaving me like a punch to the gut.

With no words she confirmed with a single nod. Hair bouncing with the motion.

“…I don’t even know their names…. I can’t remember them. No matter how I tried…. There’s only flashes of faces… of dresses….”

“…I… I know them…. Their names, I mean… and maybe a little about what they’ve done…? After the war…? I won’t say anything unless you ask. I don’t know if you want to remember them on your own or not….”

“Do you have a picture of them?”

Maybe that could jog loose a memory.

“…Sorry….” Her head shaking. “They’re all in a chamber deep inside Gramps’ vault. To preserve everything the best we can. I’ve only been in there a couple of times and wasn’t allowed to touch a thing…. He doesn’t use any of the private pictures for display…. I can try to figure out some way to get an image of them to you? Somehow…. Might take a long time…. Sorry.”

“…Who were they?”

I needed to know something. Maybe I could remember a flash while she talked.

“Umm… Your father, George, was a wooden toy maker, and your mother, Kathleen, she was mostly a house wife. Rebecca, the oldest of your sisters, she became an artist. Donates a lot of the profit to various charities. Gramps bought a lot of her works. Currently has me trying to track down all of it for when the owners don’t want it anymore? She’s the one who made the statue of you outside of the Swiss H.Q.”

“She made it…. She always wanted to be… always wanted to be…?”

The thought leaving me before the words could. Along with a flash of swirling bright colors.

She picked up her phone, tapping and swiping the screen.

“Was what the little bio thingy she wrote said? The way she talked about art… the world must have been so beautiful in her eyes…. Fuck Eve, why are you being such a little bitch? I’ll pull up her bio and what pictures I have of her works when Eve’s being a little more cooperative…. Sorry.”

I shook my head. I could understand why the A.I. ghost was trying to hide it. She wasn’t here to give me answers. Her main objective was Valeriy’s safety, which was hard enough with her recklessness.

“Ummm… the Ayers Corp logo’s her design too? The mostly there star thing,” she added, taking two fingers on each hand and overlapping the two Vs into four strokes of a star.

That was never on the boxes. But they were on almost everything else of hers. All her tools. The ear buds. The bracelets. Though the revolver didn’t seem to carry the marking.

A marking my sister created.

“…I have… I have…? Two other… little? Two other little sisters?”

“Mhmm. Bonnie and Irene. Bonnie, the second sister, was most known for her protest work against the Vietnam War. And Irene, the youngest, helped found Doctors without Borders. Turned down all of Gramps’ invites to spend the holidays with us. She spent all her time looking after people. When she wasn’t, she was smuggling supplies wherever she could. By far probably _the_ most badass person I’ve ever met.”

“…You’ve met her?”

“Yup. By the time I met her, Auntie Irene was mostly focused on getting supplies to where they’re needed. Went on a couple of runs with her for spring break? Nothing phased her. Serious nerves of steel. She didn’t blink at gunfire nor elephants.”

“Gunfire and elephants…” I repeated blankly.

“Warlords and rampaging elephant in musth? He kind of… had at it with the truck…? And for an old lady in her eighties, she had better stamina than I did, when I was fit… fitter…?”

“Oh…”

Whatever that meant.

‘I need a break.’

Too many emotions for me to make sense of.

Torn between wanting to bounce off the walls and burying myself in a deep dark hole.

But one thing was clear. The difference between them and what I’ve become. It’s almost crushing.

“…I’m nothing like them.”

“Pretty sure they followed you. Their inspiration.”

“I’m no hero… not like them.”

“To them you were.”

“…What about you? Your childhood image of me must be shattered,” I muttered bitterly.

“Actually, quite the opposite?” she offered lightly.

I huffed in disbelief.

“Just hear me out for a moment? When you have every excuse to be an angry man-child screaming at the world like it owes you something, you don’t. You could have spent your days curled up in a closet, but you aren’t. You’ve got a seriously good reason to go on some revenge rampage, but you rather not hurt people. And while you’re trying to find your way through the shittiest situation, you still have it in you to be saving kids from abuse and girls from kidnappers.

“That’s who you’ve been the last couple of months. You’re amazing as you are, Bucky. No wonder they love you so much. Even the me, half scared out of my mind, could see it and got motivated enough crawl out of the damn closet. If only you see what so many others do.”

With a smile that still didn’t quite feel like hers, she got onto her feet again, and again, headed for the pile of boxes.

Plucking my notebook from the chair by the window, I cracked it open. Pen in hand. Quickly scribbling the information about my family. Names and –

“Bucky?”

A bright peach piece of fabric fluttered from the corner of my eye. Likely a thin dress. Horrible for blending in.

– facts. Every bit of infor –

“What’s your thoughts on crossdressing?”

“What?”

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see Bucky’s head whipping up like O.O with the last line.
> 
> It's great to hear from the readers about what they thought of Mosaic. Thank you for commenting.  
> I do my best to reply to comments.


	16. Bucky Barnes - Pretty Peach Dress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it was a year ago that I started Mosaic with no plans of ever posting it. 
> 
>  
> 
> I don’t know why, but I wanted to point out that there’s a lot of bad coping methods and toxic relationships in Mosaic. They’re not all horrible, but I’m not making much of a distinction as to what’s healthy or toxic…. I’m just portraying things in the eyes of my characters, and none of them have studied much of psychology (neither have I) so they’re not supposed to have much a clue as how to help someone.
> 
> They have more of a cover it up and it’ll go away type of “dealing” (running away).

 

******

 

“What?” I demanded after a minute of frozen silence from the young woman. “…Valeriy?”

A grin split her face from the wide eyed look she’d been sporting. Hands still clutching onto a horrifying beige mess she’d been trying to pull out of the biggest box.

“You shaved.”

“Was I not supposed to?” I asked, rubbing my jaw self-consciously. Hiding behind my hand. “Women don’t regularly have facial hair from what I’ve seen and recall.”

“Did not expect you to have such a… a boyish face? You knocked about ten years off your face? Hahaha, you look like you’re about to start uni!”

Valeriy collapsed onto the bed, clutching onto her stomach in a fit of giggles. Took three seconds for her to devolve into fighting her braided hair, squealing about it tickling her neck.

My cheeks burned at the laughter. Waiting for her to calm. Waiting for her to peel herself off the bed.

_“Bucky?”_

_Humming my response, I looked up from my notebook to find a cross eyed Valeriy glaring at locks of her hair tangled with her fingers._

_“Do you have braids in your bag of spells? This isn’t – fuck this…. It’s going to take days to get all this hair in tiny braids.” She quickly finger combed out the mess of knots._

_My shoulders shrugged. Nothing was coming to mind. But I placed my notebook of scattered thoughts down on the night table, taking a seat on her bed. “What do I do?”_

_“Uhhh, take three locks of hair. About this much, and – Youtube. Youtube. Yup. Youtube,” she chanted. Navigating her phone before handing it to me. A video played on the screen._

_Clueless, I picked out three locks of hair. While watching the video. And by the end of it, I was staring at three braids. Somehow. My fingers flying through a fourth. As the other three slowly unraveled themselves._

_“…Do you have something to tie it off?”_

_Without looking up from her tablet, Valeriy plucked a clear bag off the bed containing a bunch of black rings. Elastics. So small I couldn’t get my finger through one. She plucked the one I was trying to stretch with a huffing laugh._

_“Just give me the braid when you’re done, and I’ll tie it. I can figure out that much.”_

_“Here.”_

_“The hell? How are you finished one already?”_

_To which I was handing her another braid, having undone the first three unraveling braids._

_“What the fuck? You seriously went to Hogwarts, didn’t you?”_

_“I don’t know what that is.”_

_“Holy fuck, Bucky, I can’t keep up,” she mumbled through clenched teeth, biting on the elastic to stretch it out and by then I was handing her a fourth braid. “How the shit do you braid waist length hair in two seconds flat?”_

_“It’s actually five seconds.”_

_“….”_

_I held onto another completed braid, waiting for her to finish tying the rest of them._

_“Thanks, Bucky. Having you do this buys me a lot of time,” she said with that smile. That smile that lacked her usual warmth. The friendliness turned tired._

_She’s pulling away. I couldn’t blame her for that. But I could feel the isolation sinking in. My voice won’t be heard… if she’s gone._

_‘You still have_ him _.’_

_“But I tried to kill him….”_

_“Who?” Valeriy asked. “You didn’t kill anybody the other nigh – Are you talking about Captain Rogers?”_

_I let go of the braid I was working on when she turned to face me. Giving a nod to her questioning stare._

_“He’s not going to blame you for that, Bucky.”_

_“But I tried to kill him.”_

_“He’s your best friend.”_

_“I’m not that person. I’m so far from the man he knows, Valeriy.”_

_“He’s desperately looking for you, at this very moment. He’s trying to find you before anyone else can…. Everyone has their eyes on him. Unsavory folks think he can lead them to you… so Eve’s been kind of… giving him the runaround to distract people…. He’d fight for you when it comes down to it. I don’t doubt he’d pick you over everything else.”_

_“…He’ll have given up by the time my head might be right again….” If I can stop trying to kill him._

_“Best friends… we don’t give up on each other.”_

_“I doubt you or Amber tried to kill each other.”_

_She laughed. “We got into a lot of shit in the four years we dormed together…. She’s spiked my drinks and food before with her poisons.”_

_“…You forgave her for that?”_

_“Never need to? I knew where she was coming from, so I was never angry to begin with. She didn’t want nocebos to affect anything, and she always fixed the mess I was in from it. Oh! There’s this one time I straight up died for a while…. Heart stopped and all that. Hahaha…. She did manage to bring me back… and I did volunteer that time….”_

_“….”_

_“There’s not much I won’t do for her. Maybe not so much being her guinea pig anymore. But at least to protect her, I’d do anything. I put her through enough shit….” Then the lightness she held dropped. “I thought I got her killed once too…. Kidnapped, tortured, body torn to piece and found in multiple ditches…. That’s what I was told…. And then a few years later, I_ actually _let most of that happen…. It’s why her face….”_

_Her hand motioned a line from the corner of her lips to the middle of her cheek. The Glasgow smile._

_“It’s far worse than that…. She’s missing organs. A bunch of them. She should have just done whatever they asked. All she had to do was survive and trust that I’d get her out…. Instead she gave them absolutely nothing and I was two seconds from shooting her with a dart full of her own poison concoction…. I didn’t want her to suffer anymore….”_

_“She forgave you for that?”_

_Valeriy shrugged. “Probably? She’s still my best friend and she doesn’t lord it over my head. Still trusts me to have her back…. But we both know it’s my fault that happened…. It’s my job to protect her. I could have stopped it. I_ should _have stopped it. It shouldn’t even have gotten close to that…._

_“But she stopped me from killing her. She could barely talk with how fucked up her face was…. Still pulled medical miracles out of her ass. She saved herself so her death wouldn’t be on my hands…. Gave herself brain damage so she can’t feel how much pain her body is in. She can’t feel anything anymore…. It’s why we have that drug that blocks the sense of touch….”_

_As quickly as they formed, Valeriy rubbed away the tears before they fell. A sniffle to try and contain the guilt from her voice. A clearing of her throat before a forced smile pulled on her lips._

_“Concentrate on yourself, Bucky. He’ll be there. No matter how long. He’ll be there when you’re ready.”_

_“And if I’m never ready?”_

_“…If you want to give him closure, Amber could dig up that thing I died to. She perfected it years ago. It was used on her to fake her death the first time I thought I got her killed…. It’s some synthetic thing derived from a pufferfish, so it’s super safe… the dosage might be wonky with your uhh… body?”_

_“…You died trying to fake your own death…” I managed to piece together._

_“…Yeah… for April Fools. She might be a genius but that doesn’t prevent us from having dumbass ideas and following them through….”_

“Awww, Bucky,” she laughed, pulling me out of the memory. You’re still beautiful.”

Her hand reached up. Fingers sliding across my cheek.

“Oohh, _wow_. Your skin is _so_ soft… The fuck? I bet you don’t even do skin care shit and have some bloody diet to keep this so smooth…. I can do this all day.”

I couldn’t. Without the usual prickle from stubble. It was too much. And I took a step back from the bright eyed girl.

Her head tilted in a small question, but her hand dropped back to her side with a shrug of her shoulder. Then she held up the large fleshy mass to me.

“So uhhh… this is going to feel… weird as shit? But you shouldn’t feel like you’re in a sauna or a freezer? Managed to fix that problem a couple years ago…. What else was there…? My brain is so fucking fried…. No clothing? Or it might have weird bumps? Or the sauna thing will happen? And you’d probably… chafe?”

“What’s this for…?” I asked.

“You don’t exactly look like a woman? But it’s mostly to cover your muscles and heat signature, _completely_. Your metal arm and high body temperature kind of give you away… instantly? So the fat suit will make a blank slate and let Eve control how you look on all levels. From technology to human senses. Make it so nothing doubts that you’re a woman…?”

“…Oh….”

“…Yeah….”

With a nod, Valeriy passed the suit to me and hobbled her way into the bathroom. The little braids bouncing with each hop. Leaving me to stare at the pile of beige flesh hanging from my hands.

It felt bizarre. On the outside, it was human skin. No other way to describe it. It felt exactly like human skin. Not my skin. Not her skin. But still human skin.

If the inside had been red and bloody, I’d believe that I was just holding onto a carefully skinned human being. That the A.I. ghost had skinned some innocent human being as part of some elaborate plan to slip under the noses of Hydra.

Whatever the inside was made of, I have not the slightest clue. My thumb kept sliding from how slippery it was. The material was so soft. Softer than all of Valeriy’s pillows and blankets. Giving under pressure like a sponge and bouncing back into shape just as fast. I couldn’t even tell what the temperature of it was. Neither hot nor cool compared to my fingers. Not enough to set off the sensors of the metal plates.

Folding my clothing into a neat pile and packing it away, I still couldn’t make heads or tails of how I felt about this whole situation. But I was already picking up the beige mass. Slipping a foot into a leg of the suit. Not the easiest thing to get into. Hopping around the room.

‘…What the hell am I even doing…?’

Once I managed to get my foot into the suit’s foot, it was off putting how well it fit. The whole leg hugged mine in a tight hold. The skin wasn’t stretched as it was trying to my leg in place.

One glance at the left arm sleeve and the indents in the shape of the plates confirmed it.

“Was this made for me?”

It was odd to talk at a little device haphazardly tossed onto a bed.

Weirder still that it replied.

“ _Of course. This has to pass flawlessly._ ”

“How…?”

“The hell did I say about creeping on Bucky?” Valeriy partly yelled from the bathroom.

“ _Easy enough to weave together a 3D model with a month’s worth of high definition footage of him. I left the bathroom alone, if that puts anybody at ease._ ”

I doubt I could get over the feeling of this suit. The pillows between my feet and the floor. The fact that the material still felt the same when it should be warming up. But it didn’t. Inside was devoid of everything my sense of touch knew, replacing it with an unyielding pressure. Wrapped tightly around my limbs.

Getting the metal arm into the sleeve was far more difficult. It got stuck. My hand kept slipping whenever I pulled on the material.

“How’s it going, Bucky?”

I looked down with a frown.

“My legs are in…. The arm won’t go past halfway.”

“The cybernetic one?”

“…Yeah.”

“Sit down and… cover yourself? I’ll help. I think I know what might be the problem.”

A minute later, she was kicking open the door while her fingers quickly pinned a coiled braid to her head to match the rest of them. Wearing the peach dress and a jacket of white lace.

“…I always forget how fucking disturbing getting into these things is….”

Valeriy frowned before a laugh escaped her and she dug through her toolbox.

“The casts have some trouble getting in those suits too. It’s made for skin not… anything else.”

She settled next to me, motioning for me to pull out the arm. There was a pause when she held up a bottle in her hand, eyeing the sleeve and the arm. With a shrug, she dumped a good amount of clear liquid into the sleeve and after rolling up her sleeve, shoved her arm inside.

“ _And_ … ‘kay, that should help. Probably…. Yeah, probably….”

I gave it another shot as she grabbed a towel to wipe her arm.

Once again, it was stuck at the midpoint. She stepped in to help, resulting in my need to dodge her slipping fists flying towards my face. Or staring up at the ceiling when she decided to hug the arm in attempt to push the fleshy material upwards.

“Valeriy, this isn’t working.”

With a huff, she backed off, hands resting on her waist. “Eve, make a note about getting some handles on the inside of the left arm if you make another one of these things for Bucky.”

“ _I really rather not make another suit._ ”

She faced me again, waving the voice off.

“This isn’t going to work,” I stated again. “This whole disguise. It’s not going to work.”

“It will. It has. Use the system and play the people. They expect you to be sneaking through. Would never even thing you’d crossdress and pass as a woman with your body. Or crossing an official border. Among a group of bridesmaids. Their guard wouldn’t even be up. Best place to hide…. Now you push and I’ll pull?”

I froze when Valeriy stood up on the bed. Hovering over me from behind. Her hands reaching down on either side of my head to grab the flesh suit. Her knee resting against my back. The metal cast cold on my skin.

Grab arms. Pull. Target incapacitated.

With one final push, everything slipped into place. Luckily. Not sure I wanted to go through the hassle of my fingers slipping into the wrong places.

There was so much between my fingers that it was difficult to move them. Bending at the joints were even less possible. With how much material was in the way of the joints.

But the metal arm… it now looked human. Wrapped in flesh. The idea just as horrifying as what laid beneath.

A short struggle, pulling and slipping, before my right arm was in place. Though this time much less of a hassle and without the aid of the lubricant.

“That was stupidly exhausting. I want to give up on movement,” she laughed, collapsing onto the bed. “…Ow…. Relax. I’m fine. Shouldn’t have flopped down like that.”

I couldn’t help the flinch at the soft pat on my back. On my bare skin. I cleared my throat, searching for a change of subject.

“Have you worn something like this?”

“Yup. But by choice. Halloween…. Was testing out how well the concept would work. Did well enough that I didn’t get any candy and was lectured into an eating disorder until Amber whacked my head straight…? Now she’s the one who uses these the most… since I stuff her into one of these things any time she goes out….”

“This is a bit unsettling,” I mumbled softly. Unable to get used to the emptiness of texture or temperature. The tight pressure squeezing me. The distance between fingers and everything else. Nothing felt right.

Tear off suit. Use it to smoother face. Target incapacitated.

Valeriy shuffled about the bed until she settled behind me. Hands at my sides. I could only feel the compression of them from the other side of the suit. Pushing and pulling at the opening to close it.

“It gets rather claustrophobic wearing this thing…. If that happens, just remember to breathe and concentrate on something else in your surroundings. Best not to book it screaming like a mad idiot straight into a car… not my smartest choice of actions…. But it’s kind of fun to run into things? Or think of it as a really strong full body hug?”

“ _You have fifteen minutes left._ ”

“Ah shit,” Valeriy swore, pulling the last bit of the suit closed before scrunching up a dress matching hers into a ring. “Sorry. Need your cooperation to get this dress on. Arms up.”

An order. I wanted to run. Run from moving in this suit. Run from everything.

“Now hair…. Fuck. ‘Kay, braided hairband. How hard will that – never mind. Your hair’s not long enough and I have no bloody idea how to French braid. Where’s my spray thingy?”

“…Isn’t that the epoxy spray?” I asked over the clattering of a metal ball.

“Yup.”

“For my hair…?”

“For the flower going into your hair.”

“You’re gluing a flower… to my hair…?”

“No? I’m gluing it to this bobby pin…? There’s no flowers in here. They’re just on the wallpaper…. Shit. Is there anything cute in the room?”

No. No, there wasn’t.

“Shit, there’s nothing.”

My body jumped a little when her left hand combed through my hair. Flipping chunks of it from one side of my head to the other. Combing more and more to one side of my head. Nails scratching along my scalp.

I barely managed to stop myself from leaning away. The contact too much in the lack of feeling in the rest of me. My eyes falling shut as I tried to hold myself together.

“ _You’ve wasted six minutes._ ”

Almost couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out when she moved away.

“Ah fuck it. Your hair’s pretty enough as is. Just make sure your ears stays covered. They’re basically giant ass fingerprints… on the side of your head…” she said as she scrambled for the scattered boxes, pulling out a bundle of blond hair. “I’ll get my wig and face on first, so you don’t have to stay stuck in there longer than you need to. Eve, tats please and thank you.”

At a flip of hair, the young woman was now a blonde. The metal casts dulling from the metallic black to butterflies. The patterns unfurling across the surface blending into her skin as tattoos. She pressed a white sheet to her face, tucking in the edges under the wig.

“Is it working? Do I look like… not me?”

Dumbly, I nodded.

It was someone else. Standing in front of me. Strong jawline. Thin lips painted with red lipstick. Freckles. Almost hollowed cheeks. Even her shape of her eyes changed under the purple eyeshadow.

‘I need sleep….’

I should have slept.

This was too much.

“Good. Good,” she chirped.

It wasn’t her grin.

That was _not_ her grin.

“Your turn.”

Only those pale eyes, her posture and her voice was hers.

She picked something up from another box, approaching me. Motioning for my head to lift. She pressed something to my neck and it stuck there.

“Eve? Why does he need to read this paragraph? What is this? Mission Impossible?” she asked, handing me a card with a paragraph on it before going back to the boxes scattered messily.

“ _I guess he doesn’t_ have _to read the card. I do have… yeah, I should have enough recorded to work with… surprisingly. For two people who I’ve personally watched not utter so much as a word for days at a time, you two_ suck _at being quiet around each other._ ”

I couldn’t help myself. After so long… finally. _Finally_. I was allowed to speak freely. Without being punished for speaking out of turn. Without having to lose it all to the chair.

Free to ask about anything. About my curiosities about this world I was stuck in. Learning about all the new things I’ve missed out on. Getting answers to the holes in my life.

And then there’s the ridiculously reckless way Valeriy seemed to live a portion of her life….

“Give me a break about that,” the now blonde huffed. “It’s been so long since I’ve been able to talk to someone without having to lie about one thing or another. The last time I got to talk so freely for more than a couple of days… was when I was still dorm mates with Amber?”

I shifted uneasily. Barely able to stop myself from fighting the suit. Trying to just breathe through the pressure wrapped around me. Trying to stay afloat in the memories drowning me. Waiting for my nerves to wake. Waiting for the mind consuming itch of being thawed.

“You won’t have to be in this thing too long, Bucky,” she whispered softly,

I flinched back at the fingers caressing the right side of my face. Staring up at the foreign face in front of me. Clinging to the gray eyes in hopes to recognise her.

“Are you sure this is – ”

I couldn’t finish my question. Barely able to hold in my gasp. It wasn’t my voice. That was a woman’s voice. Far higher pitch than Valeriy’s or the A.I. ghost’s.

“Whoa. It really does work. Hey, do I get one of these?”

Her thumb sweeping across the voice changer stuck to my neck.

“ _Only managed to get my hands on the one. It’s a prototype, and no, the speaker system we used on Coulson sounds nothing natural._ ”

“Damn. No fun….”

“ _The prototype is still buggy. If it goes weird, Mr. Barnes, just pretend to have a high pitched coughing fit._ ”

I gave a nod. Uncomfortable with speaking. The silence back in my life. My voice stolen from me in a different way.

I don’t like this.

I don’t like any of this.

“ _Val, you’ll be going by Vicky Manson. Mr. Barnes, your name is now Jamie Holloway. The two of you are bridesmaids to Sandra Blake. The group lost the two of you during the bachelorette party last night in New York. The wedding’s this afternoon in Toronto. The maid of honor will be going by Divit Gupta. Make it like you’ve known each other for the last ten years, at the very least._ ”

“Tilt your head back and close your eyes,” the woman said, her left hand supporting the back of my neck.

The white sheet was strangely cool and it wasn’t sticky. Almost didn’t feel it there except for the lack of air flowing across my skin. Much like the suit. Her fingers smoothed it out. A gentle pressure as they swept across the curves of my face.

“ _Another thing Val, you better learn to shut the fuck up. Not a word unless you have to._ ”

“What…? Who the hell is picking us up?”

“ _Sparks._ ”

“…The fuck? I know Sparks. We get along. Why the hell do I need to… Hmmm. ‘Kay. Fine. I’ll shut the fuck up,” she nodded with a frown, kneeling in front of me with a pair of sandals.

“I can – ”

I couldn’t finish my sentence. I didn’t want to hear that voice… and got winded before I could reach my own foot. Couldn’t bend over the synthetic fat in front of my stomach. Unable to put on my own shoes. A pair of floral covered sandals. That I couldn’t feel.

“Eve, easy up a tad on the makeup for Bucky. It doesn’t match the hair. Mmm. Warm up the lips a bit. Much better. Looking lovely,” the woman said with a nod of approval.

“ _Sparks has arrived. Mr. Barnes, it’d help if you didn’t use Val’s name as well._ ”

There was a heavy sigh from the blonde as she pocketed the phone. She gathered the various bags filled with what we’ve brought and what was already in the room. Then proceeded to walked straight into the door. Charged hard enough to fall backwards. Groaning in pain.

“ _…Did she…? I’m not attached to that door. It’s a_ motel _._ ”

Moving to help, I decided I never want to move again after the first two steps. . Not in this suit. But I forced myself forwards, trying to move as little as possible.

She motioned for the door instead. To unlock it. Which was a struggle. Failing to bend my fingers enough to grip much of anything.

When I finally managed to flip the lock, the door knob turned on its own. The door pushing into the fake stomach before I managed make way. The cushions under my feet did nothing to stop me from falling onto the wall. Any correction I tried to make to my balance was absorbed by the suit.

A woman stood in the doorway. The same peach dress on her figure. A figure that screamed fighter. Muscles built over years of experience. Posture ready to lash out if need be. But no weapons. None that I could see and the dress did a poor job of hiding much of anything.

Green eyes darted from me to the blonde. A dark brow rose in question. Her posture relaxing likely at the sight of us bumbling around the room.

“Good,” the new woman greeted, picking up a few bags from the blonde. “The two of you match the passports enough. Come on. The border’s going to get busy if we don’t hurry. I don’t want to be caught up in the lines.”

She was out of the room before the blonde could peel off the floor and to the car before I could step through the doorway. Two bounces of the bags in her hands and she glanced back at us. Green eyes calculating how dangerous we were. She knew. She knew what was in one of those bags. The arsenal of weaponry I had stolen. She lifted up a secret compartment in the trunk and dumped the bags in.

There was another glance from her as she made her way to the driver’s seat. Trying to parse out more information. I doubt either of us looked any bit intimidating with the hobbling and waddling. But the way she held herself changed back to when I first laid eyes on her. Ready for anything thrown her way.

The blonde stuffed me into the car when I froze at the warped reflection on the S.U.V. A woman stood where I did. The dress fluttering in the wind. Wind that only my hair and eyeballs could feel.

I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the image of a pretty face in the window staring back at me.

I tried touching my cheek and felt nothing except some pressure. But the flesh moved accordingly. There was even pink lipstick. Lips frowning along with my movements. Barely even noticed the seat belt being pulled around me as the car pulled away.

 

******

 

‘I’m okay. I’m okay. Just a little longer. I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m not okay. This is not okay. I need to get out. I can’t… I ca – ’

“ _Use number three,_ ” a whisper of the A.I. ghost coming from the ear of the brunette driving.

The tension. The headache. The panic. All of it becoming too overwhelming as the car rolled to a stop.

At least there weren’t any lineups.

“Good morning,” the driver greeted, handing over three passports to the border guard.

“…Another group earlier wore the exact same dress as the three of you,” the officer noted.

“…I was hoping to be earlier than them. Bridesmaids. Wedding’s in a few hours. Lost these two last night.” Her head tilting back towards us.

“Wild night, I’m guessing.”

“Any other way to go?”

The man gave a laugh. “Could you pop the trunk?” At a push of a button, a thunk sounded behind me. “Any of you fired a gun recently?”

“Yes,” I automatically answered. My voice. That wasn’t my voice.

“Vodka shot guns!!! Woohooo!!” the blonde next to me cheered, arms waving about. Voice forced through her nose and the once lower tones turned high. Words slurring together. “Vodka! Vodka! Vodka! Where’s the gun…?”

“No more alcohol for you. You need to sober up,” the driver responded after a moment’s pause.

“Vodka.”

“No.”

“…Where did you go for the bachelorette party?” The border guard walked around to the back of the car.

“The Big Apple,” giggled the blonde as she climbed about the seat to peer at the guard over the backseat. Every gesture a calculated movement. Right down to the way her feet bounced up and down. The lightness and ease once there was gone. “What are you doing in a few hours? I need a date for this shindig.”

“Vicky!” the driver cried. “No! I’m so sorry about her, Officer. Please ignore her.”

The man merely shook his head at them. Having checked the few bags in the trunk, he moved back to the side. “I need to check what’s in that bag.”

The blonde grinned, unzipping the pack I knew contained the various drugs used to fill the darts along with the revolver itself. This was bad. This was very bad.

“…Is that men’s underwear?”

That was mine.

I was wearing that. _Yesterday_. I swore I packed that away.

What the hell was that doing in her bag!?!

“Should be Mike’s,” the blonde said with a mournful sigh. “He had abs to die for. Perfect for body shots…. Woke up to his name tattooed to my ribs. Need to get that covered up… _again_. I was counting on my gals to stop me from tattooing random guys all over me.”

“…Be glad it’s not written across your forehead,” the brunette muttered, shaking her head to disguise the little laugh that escaped her.

With a heavy sigh, the officer asked, “…Which of you is Divit?”

The driver raised her hand. Her reflection sporting a meek smile.

“Jamie?”

The blonde’s hand resting on my knee pushed down. And from the look of how the flesh stretched, I didn’t feel a fraction of it. I looked up and copied the brunette. I did not want to move in this suit. I just wanted to run.

“And you must be Vicky.”

“The one and only, Gorgeous.”

The officer laughed and returned to his booth with the passports.

The driver turned around in her seat, leveling us with a glare that had the blonde sinking onto the synthetic flesh between us. Green eyes screaming out words I couldn’t understand.

“ _Passports,_ ” the A.I. ghost’s voice sounded in the driver’s ear.

The brunette turned away, slapping a smile into a place. “Thank you. Have a good day.”

“You too,” he replied, handing the passports over.

“Bye Gorgeous!” the blonde chirped as her window passed by his. A wave of a tattooed hand. Fingers wiggling.

The windows all rolled up and as we drove away, a collective sigh came from all of us. Somehow…. Somehow we managed to get through that without a bloodbath.

Minutes of suffocating silence ticked by between all of us.

The blonde was stiff. Straight backed. On high alert.

The driver’s eyes darted from point to point. Taking in her surroundings almost systematically. But her eyes took note of the rear view mirror far more often than she had on the way here. Also on high alert.

It was all I could do to keep myself together. Watching. Watching their odd behavior. Watching for familiar faces to pop up. Hydra had to be close by. Watching.

Nothing changing as more and more time ticked by in the silent car. That was until I jumped at the black fabric that rolled up the rear windows. The A.I. ghost had to be in this car, controlling it. Little holes allowed some of the outside world to be seen through the fabric. Not too much of a hindrance in a fight if need be.

“Val,” the driver called out. Her tone heavy with more than just a name.

“Sparks,” the blonde mirrored, her hand slipping into her bag and tossing out my underwear. Then in a blink, a revolver was tucked between the seat and the headrest, aimed right at the brunette’s neck. “Both hands on the wheel. I so much as feel like you’re up to something and I’ll shoot.”

“ _Oh, Val!!! Don’t you_ dare _hurt another of my people!!!_ ” the A.I. ghost roared.

“Like you can stop me.”

Hands tightened, adjusting themselves on the wheel. “…The car will crash,” the brunette breathed out.

“Don’t care. It’s survivable,” the blonde stated so casually, making the other woman’s muscles coil with nerves.

A pinch to the nose, and the freckled skin turned white as Valeriy’s face came back into view. The white sheet tossed onto the seat between us.

I groped around for a weapon. A gun. A knife. Anything. But felt nothing but squish on my person.

‘I have the arm….’

If nothing, I had the arm. Slightly malfunctioning and wrapped in a fake flesh.

‘…Valeriy….’

I had no idea as to why she has turned against the A.I. ghost and her asset, but she has. Even if the unruffled mask she wore slipped for a split second. Her hand was steady as she held the revolver to someone she knew.

“ _I can’t deactivate the dart revolver when she’s holding it, Sparks,_ ” the A.I. ghost warned in the driver’s ear.

I could practically see the words written on the face of the darker skinned woman in the rearview mirror. _One second to save myself_.

“ _Whatever you do, do not tempt Val. She_ will _shoot. Even if the both of you end up with broken spines. It’s no bluff. Do_ not _give her a reason to finish pulling the trigger. Any motion she can’t predict will result with a dart in your neck._ ”

“What brought this on?” the driver asked. Keeping her voice even.

“Been warned not to let you know it’s me.”

Valeriy’s right hand struggled with the blonde hair pinned to her head for a moment before giving up. Leaving it still stuck to the coiled braids. Her hand settling down around the metal one wrapped in fake flesh in what might have been an attempt at comfort.

“ _…Shit…. She’s pieced things together wrong. I’m not confident with nudging her in the right direction without getting you shot…. I may have pushed her a little too much. Part of me was rather worried she’d forgotten how to keep her mouth shut._ ”

“Now what?” the driver asked the younger woman. Or the A.I. ghost. Maybe both. She was searching for an out. Be it words or violence.

“…I didn’t think this through enough…” Valeriy muttered, hand setting off the pressure sensors of the metal plates.

“ _Don’t get shot, Sparks._ ”

“…I can’t tell when you’re lying. _Fuck_.”

“What reason would I have to lie to you, Val? I’m one of Eve’s Puppets. I do whatever she tells me to.”

“Puppets?” I repeated, my heartbeat thumping in my ears. “You’re like me?”

“…I have no idea who you are. It’d be laughable if your name is actually Jamie. Eve told me to transport two people across the border, and that’s what I do. No questions asked.”

“ _You could have worded that a bit better, Sparks,_ ” the A.I. ghost’s huffed from the speakers of the car. “ _My people have a choice if they take the job or not. They just don’t get paid for a declined job. I never picked the name_ Puppets _. Each of them are too precious to me to be called such._ ”

“Honestly? As much as they’re her hands and feet,” Valeriy started, sounding utterly exhausted, “they’re the furthest thing from being her puppets compared to everyone else. The rest of us gets manipulated into dancing on her strings. Sparks is very far from what you’re thinking….”

I could feel my name at the tip of her tongue, but she swallowed it. Hand squeezing down on the metal fingers again. She didn’t want the brunette to know who was sitting next to her.

The questioning stares my way told me as much. The woman had no idea who she had picked up this morning. Either of us. That was until Valeriy opened her mouth.

“Can we get back to the fact that you have a gun to my neck?” the driver reminded impatiently. Knuckles white from how hard she gripped the steering wheel.

“If you want?” Valeriy offered. “I still can’t tell if you’re lying to me or not, so we’re sort of at a standstill?”

“Explain to me why is it that you don’t trust me, Val? We’re friends last I checked. What has changed?”

“You have orders to bring me in.”

“I do.”

The young woman next to me sagged into the seat. A sigh escaping from her.

“I’m not carrying them out. I don’t work for your family.”

“But you work for Eve and she works for us.”

“Things get a little blurred. Things were blurred back then…. Wait, you actually think I’m going to bring you in after last time?!”

“After last time, I can’t bloody risk it!”

“ _Why did you think I picked Sparks out of everyone else, you idiot!_ ”

‘I have to get out of here.’

“After everything, Val – !”

‘Before they take it out on me. I have to hide.’

“You’re Sparks! I’m utterly _fucked_ if you’re the one after me! What was I su – !”

“ _Val, next to you._ ”

“Huh? Oh shit.”

A hand closed over mine that was trying desperately to open the door. But my fingers just wouldn’t cooperate. Another hand used my knee as support. A body against mine.

Wrap fingers around throat. Crush windpipe. Target incapacitated.

Grab revolver. Shoot – Collapse skull with handle. Target incapacitated.

The butt of the revolver slammed into the cushioned seat. The body under my hand went limp. Gray eyes staring up at me. Red veins crawling across them.

“I….” I quickly backed away. Revolver dropping onto the floor mat with a thump. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean – I’m sorry. I’m sor – ”

I knew what a held up finger meant and instantly my jaw snapped shut. Not another word out of me. In a voice that wasn’t mine.

Valeriy coughed a couple of times, still holding up a finger to me. Her body twisting away. “Sparks, get your ass back in the car and fucking _drive_. This looks weird as shit. We don’t need the eyes.”

The older woman was standing outside. Arms and legs poised for attack. The stance of a seasoned fighter. She had to shake out her nerves, tentatively lowering herself back into the driver seat. Eyeing me the whole time as she pulled off the shoulder of the highway.

“Ignore her,” Valeriy stated. Be it to me to ignore the driver or to the brunette to ignore me… since I was still disguised.

She pushed off of the armrest compartment between the front seats, settling on the seat on my right. Gently adjusting me so I’d face her.

“Keep your eyes on me, ‘kay?”

Left hand tangling in my hair to keep me from watching the other woman.

“Sparks is okay. We can trust her. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. We shouldn’t have shouted like that. I’m sorry. If you’re comfortable with Sparks, we can remove….”

Her right hand gestured all around me. The left scratching along my scalp. Keeping me grounded.

“I’ve met her before.” Still wasn’t my voice.

“What?”

“I’ve met her before,” I repeated, barely able to push the words out. Head nodding towards the driver seat.

“I would have remembered meeting someone like you,” the older woman stated. Stress high in her voice.

The way she held herself. The way she tensed up. The way she fell into a fighting stance. I’ve seen it all before. On a fiery ginger with brown eyes. With all they did to disguise me, it wouldn’t be hard for the brunette to change her appearance into another race. Habits were another story.

The A.I. ghost… she planned this all out. Since before 85 days ago. When I met her. In a library. Teaching me how to use the computers. Letting the A.I. ghost lead me to that park. To Valeriy.

Maybe even the homeless young man by the fire had been part of all this. The one who told me of the soup kitchen, the shelter… and the library. 87 days….

“I’m sorry,” the young woman whispered, pulling in closer to me. “I’m sorry for everything. Eve… she should have never…. I’m sorry.”

“You trust her?” I questioned, watching Valeriy turn her attention onto the other woman.

The carefree lightness to her gone. She wasn’t even pretending anymore. Exhausted. The blonde wig still hanging off her hair.

It was like she was far away. Somewhere I couldn’t reach. Even if she was right in front of me. Even if her hand was still tangled in my hair.

“I’m not going to turn you in unless that’s what you want and ask that of me, Val,” the driver cut in. “…But I can’t speak for the other Puppets.”

“…Yeah,” Valeriy nodded. “I trust her not to fuck us over. But she’ll high tail it if you lash out her way.”

“She has better self-preservation instincts than you do,” I chided.

She should have ran. So many times, she should have ran.

Her shoulders gave a shrug. “Eh. Struggling seemed like a bad idea?”

With a drifting thought, I pawed the white sheet off my face, trying to get the sticker off my throat until Valeriy removed it for me.

“You!?” the driver gasped. Panic clear in her voice. “Val, he’s – !”

“Shhhh,” the younger woman hushed, fingers quickly combing through my hair again. “Sparks, why are you screaming? Dial it down a few notches, would you?”

Twisting her grip around the wheel, the driver grumbled under her breath in another language. One I couldn’t understand.

I couldn’t help the anxiousness when the A.I. ghost replied with similar syllables. If not for the fingers kneading the base of my skull, I’d have thought I was trying to wake from ice. In a new place. Surrounded by people speaking a foreign language.

Valeriy pulled a smile on her lips, gathering the dress on me in her hands and pulling it over my head. She leaned over my shoulder, her finger hooking into the suit at the back of my neck and tugging down along my spine.

The tight pressure around my torso released. Cool air flowing against my skin where the suit parted from me.

Desperately I took a deep breath, letting my chest expand as far as it could.

It felt amazing.

Almost as if I could fly.

By the time my surroundings came back to mind, a blanket was hung up by two hooks separating me from the front of the car, and judging by the rustling lump on the floor, Valeriy had set up a makeshift compartment for me to get out of the suit. Without eyes on me. Without eyes on the arm and the mess it’s attached to.

“Sparks…?” Valeriy called out softly.

“What?” the older snapped in the middle of the A.I. ghost talking in her ear.

“I’m sorry… for the whole threatening to shoot you thing….”

A frown found its way onto my face as I stared at the large dress carelessly dropped next to me. It was the only other thing I could wear besides the suit or the blanket. The suit I needed to get out of. The dress covered nothing. The blanket… I would prefer clothing.

“You trust Eve to protect you, right?” the brunette questioned.

“To an extent. Only ‘cause we adjusted her into being forced to do that without my parents knowing to counteract any of their weird ass orders that fucks with my safety…? Even then she’s rather limited in her movements.”

A tattooed covered hand lifted the bottom of the blanket and a pile of crumpled clothing was pushed onto the seat. Clothing she had pilfered from the closet of the room I occupied for the past month.

“Eve says that you’re lucky you’re not wearing an earbud,” the driver must have translated. The raving madness spewing from her ear. “Saying a lot of things that the guy next to you probably shouldn’t hear.”

Took me a total of nine seconds to realize that I couldn’t get out of the suit. Not on my own. With hands that couldn’t grip the suit well enough to pull it off. Only managed to pop the shoulders out from the suit.

“Good thing I’m not near any fucking doors that can hit me….” Valeriy laughed and dropped a leather glove for a left hand on the pile of clothing. “Oh shit! Eve, don’t crush me with a bloody seat!”

Winding myself with the gut of the suit from bending forwards too fast, I plucked Valeriy off the floor as the head rest could be seen brushing against the blanket. A nervous laugh rung from her.

“Thanks, Bucky.” For a split second, she leaned into me. Head almost resting on my shoulder. Before she pulled away.

The smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. But at least she managed to remove the blonde hair, though the braids were still coiled on her head.

“…I… I can’t get out of the suit,” I admitted, eyeing the seat as it returned back to place and hearing another conversation in the foreign language.

“Yeah, okay. That takes another pair of hands. Sorry. Slipped my mind,” Valeriy mumbled, clamouring off my lap and ducking back under the blanket to the other side. Leaving a pair of hands blindly grabbing at the air in front of me.

I leaned into the hands. The moment they touched something, they felt their way up to my collar and grabbed the suit, tugging on it. Peeling it inside out. I quickly yanked my arm out and helped push it off the metal arm. That was covered in a layer of clear gunk.

“…I forgot I dumped a bottle of lube in there…. Sparks, do you have a towel in here?”

“Use the dress.”

“‘Kay. Wipe your arm off and lift your bum so I can pull the legs off.”

“…Eve’s still ranting…. I’ve only seen you and your brother able to get her so wound up.”

“I honestly trust her to throw me under the bus to save you guys when shit hits the fan… which is why I can’t let any of you bring me in. I can’t risk an ambush. I don’t think my body can handle much mor – Oof….”

Valeriy took a tumble when my legs got free and the car turned at the same moment. Surrounding us with trees. From the change in sound and the bumps, the car had gone off road.

‘Where the hell is she taking us?’ I wondered, slipping the shirt on as soon as I could. Barely bothering to get most of the lubricant off the arm and then immediately shoving it back into the glove. Out of sight again. Once my pants was on, I tugged down the hanging blanket. Folding everything into a neat pile. Trying not to look at the flesh suit that had been shoved in the leg space of the front passenger seat.

Made sure there was nothing on my right hand before I offered it to Valeriy. Pulling her up while watching her toss the pile of folded fabrics over the seat and into the trunk to clear the seat to my right.

She didn’t pull her hand away and I didn’t let go.

Even as the minutes passed. The silence heavy in the air. With no one relaxed.

Though my body still felt light from having the suit removed. Light and free. I wanted to run. Run as fast as I could. Until my legs screamed. To keep going. Never stopping. And maybe… just _maybe_ … I could finally escape everything. All I’ve done. All I’ve become.

But I didn’t want to let go of the hand in mine.

“Were you… were you the one who kept Hydra away in April and May?” I posed to the driver.

Valeriy’s hand clamped down on mine. Whether in apology, I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t see her face. The black cloth blocked the window’s reflection. A window she insistently stared at.

“ _You can answer him,_ ” the A.I. ghost said in the brunette’s ear. “ _Val’s rather insistent about getting answers he’s looking for. He already knows more than he should._ ”

“No,” the older woman breathed out. “Eve only asked me to teach you the basics with computers…. Are you referring to that infernal jammer on you? I hated that thing. Felt blind without Eve in my ear.”

“Why would you do something you hate? If you had a choice,” I wondered aloud.

“Because everyone has a price,” Valeriy huffed.

“For teaching you, I got pampered at Blackberry Farm for a week,” the driver expanded, sounding much happier. “I can’t think of another job that’s better. This one takes me to places more beautiful than the mind can imagine. I have everything I could possible want and things I couldn’t even imagine when I was a kid on the streets.”

“On the streets?” I repeated.

“Mmm, I don’t remember much of when I was young. My first memory was running through the streets of Muktsar, trying to get away from a shopkeeper I stole a samosa from…. Eve eventually found me and I went with her at the promise of food and shelter. What I got in return was a big family. She educated me in everything I wanted to learn. I know how to yodel and have absolutely no use for it.”

“And all you have to do is do as she tells you?” I asked, trying to wrap my mind around this.

“No, we all follow our dreams. Eve helps make it happen. Not all of us stay with her or the Ayers. Sometimes she’ll ask them to do something and pays them in trade if they agree to it. She doesn’t stop supporting them either.”

“They get paid however they want. I think one’s paid in fucking mac and cheese?” Valeriy added.

“More specifically mac and cheese I make. Maxwell won’t eat anything else. I can’t believe he’s not rolling from place to place…. It’s a waste to squander Eve’s resources like that. Given enough time, she can make a lot happen.”

“Each to their own.”

“This can’t be real,” I stated. Completely baffled.

Valeriy squeezed my hand, still refusing to move her gaze from the window. “Eve makes her own money and what she does on her own time that doesn’t cause a mess for the cooperation, they don’t care. Actually this helps it. So they let her collect a bunch of kids to helicopter over.”

“ _I am not a helicopter parent._ ”

“… _Sure_ …. Anywho, it’s a lot easier learning through Eve’s methods since she figures out how best you learn or finds great teachers…. Learned a lot of random stuff through her. Like basket weaving. No clue why I bothered to learn that….”

“Then the people who delivered the food to the house were raised by her?” I asked.

“I doubt it? Probably just random people Eve was trading with. They have no fucking idea what the hell they’re doing or what they’re carrying. Should be a network of people buying, then a series of passes before the box got to us?”

‘She’s everywhere.’

The A.I. ghost’s everywhere.

‘She can turn anyone….’

They didn’t know why but they still….

I didn’t know but I still….

Everything according to her plan.

“Val?” the driver called out.

“Hmmm?”

“What if you were supposed to be kidnapped?”

The fingers I held twitched.

“Huh?” She was buying time, slowly turning her head to stare at the back of the driver’s. “What would be the bloody point of that?”

A misdirect. It’s crossed her mind.

“Wouldn’t this whole thing be over by now if you got taken and the ransom was paid?” the driver pointed out.

“…Have we ever paid for a ransom before?”

“…Not in the years I’ve worked….”

“…So why the hell would I wait for something that would never fucking happen? It’s an utter waste of my time. Got better shit to do.”

“It made sense that they didn’t when you got yourself disowned, but they did get me to make sure you weren’t killed.”

“The grudge clinging part of me wants to logic that away as it looking bad if their kid turned up dead. Oh, our daughter was too _dumb_ and got maul by a fucking bear _in the middle of a city_. Or some shit. Then again, cougars were more common around there….”

“…As harsh as that was, they do love you, Val.”

“Yeah, I fucking know that….”

“We’re the first ones to mobilize if one of you guys get taken… or trapped. A few months after your thing, we got your mom out nice and safely before anything happened to her. Hey, wasn’t your brother taken before too? Before my time.”

“Yeah?”

“Didn’t they pay for that?”

“No? He didn’t give anyone a chance to do anything. Blew up the fucking house he was holed up in and walked right out.”

“ _That was a mess to clean up._ ”

“It’s what happens when you leave a kid with a bunch of explosive chemicals. What were they fucking expecting? Thumb twiddling? Bloody dumbasses.”

“…I… I don’t thin…. I…. How is that even expec…? Val…? I don’t eve…. That’s _not_ normal,” the driver finally managed to get out, putting a voice to my thoughts.

From among the trees, a car came to view. Even though it was empty, the metal fingers clenched in nerves.

What was it doing there? And why was she slowing down? Pulling up to the empty vehicle.

A soft sigh escaped Valeriy. Her fingers slipping out of my grip. Her gray eyes finally looking my way. Again, she seemed so out of reach. Even if she was sitting next to me. The smile she tried to pull was completely forced.

“This is my stop,” she stated softly. The words cutting into me like knives. Her eyes dropping away as she turned. “Maybe we’ll see each other someday again? I sure hope we do.”

With that, the door opened and she moved onto her feet, out of the car. Backpack in hand.

“Val – ”

Frantically I reached out. Before I knew what I was doing, my fingers clutched onto the back of her lacy jacket and tugged.

_Hard_.

I quickly let go, but it was too late.

A thud shook the vehicle. Her body toppling onto the floor mats.

“Sorry. I didn’t – I’m sorry. Please don’t – I’m sorry I’msorry I’msorryI’msorrysorrysorrysorrysorryso – ”

“ – ucky. Look at me. Bucky. Come on. _Breathe_ with me.”

I _couldn’t_. My chest felt more constricted than it did inside the suit. Panic welling up inside. Suffocating me.

A choking gasp stretched my lungs for a moment before it left far quicker.

The next breath was just as much of a struggle. Too shallow. The world spinning away with it.

I could barely understand the hands on me weren’t threatening. Barely feel that they weren’t hurting me. Just soothing touches. One on my cheek and other on the middle of my chest.

Slam head into knee. Target incapacitated.

Took everything I had not to fight her off.

Over my thundering heartbeat. I could hear it. Hear her voice. Too far away for the words. But I could hear her. The darkness in my sight clearing enough at my gasp. To see her shoulders’ exaggerated movements.

_Breathe_. She wanted me to breathe.

“There we go. Just like that. Nothing’s going to happen to you, Bucky. I’m not hurt. Just a little bump. Everything will be okay. Sparks will take you to Gramps. Second safest location we have. He’ll make sure nothing will happen to you.”

“You?” I tried, eyeing the car behind her. “What about you? You’re going alone?”

“Sparks isn’t safe around me, but she’s wicked fast on her feet. Best person Eve has. So if Hydra pops up again, you’ll have an advantage on your side rather than a handicap. And you’re safest once you get to Gramps. No one can touch you once Gramps knows you’re alive. Between him and the Captain, what happened to you won’t repeat. Me, Eve and the Puppets, we’re all counted under Gramps’ resources. Amber, sort of, too. I’ll talk her into helping with the whole Hydra thing.”

Her finger tapped at my temple, referring to the mess inside my skull.

“Who would protect you?” I couldn’t help but ask, trying to buy time.

“I should be okay in Canada. I have a lot more personal resources here. If you want to contact me, tell Eve. She’ll get us in touch safely. Any time. Don’t even need a reason, ‘kay? I’ll answer.”

I shook my head. I didn’t want this. This wasn’t right. She shouldn’t be the one going off alone. I didn’t want her to go.

I wanted to reach out. Hold on to her. But I couldn’t. I’d hurt her again.

Everything I touch breaks.

Her body dropped against mine. Her arms wrapping around my ribs tightly. Her head resting against my neck.

I couldn’t think.

This was so familiar.

For just a second.

Before it was as foreign as the world I was currently left in.

“You don’t have to stay there. You’re free to go wherever you want. Free to do whatever you want. Though I do suggest letting us help you out with the brain thing. Amber’s one of the best…. And you’ll have fun with Gramps. I’ll make sure he doesn’t go all ten year old kid on you. He’s really into space too. He can show you a bunch of cool things, and there’s a bunch of Becky’s art pieces there.”

My hand itched to move. To where. I did not know. Why my head wanted to rest against hers…. I did not know. Had to will myself not to grab her when she pulled away. Not to reach out when she tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.

“Besides, Eve owes you a fuckton. Gramps would… probably most definitely throw a fit when he finds out all the shit she pulled on you. She can make a lot happen. She can get whatever you want. Find someone to teach you whatever you want. Eventually, you can use her to go wherever you want. Sparks will explain it. Just ask her and she’ll do it.”

With those words, Valeriy slipped out of the car.

“Bye, Bucky.”

I couldn’t help the flinch at the finality of the door slamming shut. Left here alone. With a stranger. To be watched at all times by a voice in the speakers.

“…Why are you still standing outside of the car, Sparks?” the young woman questioned, resting a hand on her hip.

“How is he not dangerous again?” the driver responded in what should be a whisper, leaning over the car roof as if that would help mute my enhanced hearing. But I couldn’t recall when she moved or even when the door shut.

“He’s not,” Valeriy hissed back, copying the driver.

“…We need to go over the definition of dangerous. He’s _terrifying_.”

“Oh come on. He’s not.”

“Then explain why you’re wearing three casts. I bet there’s more than that.”

“I don’t know? Maybe a fucking car crash had something to do with it?”

“…You were in the D.C. mess…?”

“…You’ll be fine. You’re Jiya fucking Sparks. No need to be so jumpy. I’ve been more of a problem for you than he will be.”

“You can’t even punch your way out of a paper bag compared to him.”

“Eh. I got other ways to escape a bloody paper bag…. I leave him in your capable hands. Get him to him to Gramps without anyone knowing.”

“I don’t want to be skinned by D’amour. I know the drill.”

“My parents can’t find out either. Which means, _nobody_ knows.”

“Understood.”

“See you when this shit storm blows over.”

“Keep your head on a swivel, Val,” the brunette warned, slipping into the driver seat.

As the car rolled away, Valeriy gave a final wave. Wearing that smiling mask before turning to the other car.

I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her. Climbing onto the seats to stare out of the rear windows. Through the dark fabric.

For a moment. For a just a moment before she was swallowed up by the trees, her feigned confidence broke. Shoulders sagging. Looking so defeated.

“Would you like an update on Hydra’s movements?”

“….”

“…From what we’ve gathered, they’ve been fanning out from the States searching for you after the other night. They seem to be banking on you heading to Europe some time. They have more men there.”

“….”

“Either way, it should be smooth sailings until we reach the Genevan H.Q. and then we’ll be adapting the shinobi’s way until we reach Cupcakes.”

“….”

“You should have piloting experience, right? I’ll let you fly my jet when we’re over the ocean… if you want…?”

“….”

“Or I can shut up and do my job….”

Better this way. Better the further she was away. Safer that way. Safe from Hydra…. From me….

Less chance of me hurting her if she wasn’t in reach. Less chance of me killing her if we weren’t in the same country.

Better this way….

 

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUESTION: Do you guys want chapter 17 earlier than July 15th?  
> It’s written. It just needs a lot of editing. My beta and I are more than likely to finish it before July 15th. 
> 
> Thing is that I don’t like not posting at least once within a month of the last chapter, but I have to rework the rest of the timeline since I changed something planned. I powered through chapter 17 to buy some time to do that. 
> 
> So if you guys don’t mind waiting until late August for chapter 18 (the latest that would go up), I can post up chapter 17 when we’re finished with it. 
> 
> Let me know. 
> 
>  
> 
> Or just drop me a comment. 
> 
> I love hearing about what people think about the story since it's a goal of mine to try and drag people into feeling what the characters are.


	17. Valeriy Ayers - Fluffy Fluffy Blankets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to go back and add titles to the chapters. It’s gotten confusing navigating between chapters. 
> 
> Except for a couple of slightly spoilery chapter names that I really want to use (Smoke Twisted Memories, Demons Inside, Demons Outside), all chapter names are the result of my hate on spoilers. Might be enough for you to remember what might be in the chapter but makes no sense otherwise. 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **Previously:**
> 
> _As the car rolled away, Valeriy gave a final wave. Wearing that smiling mask before turning to the other car._
> 
> _I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her. Climbing onto the seats to stare out of the rear windows. Through the dark fabric._
> 
> _For a moment. For a just a moment before she was swallowed up by the trees, her feigned confidence broke. Shoulders sagging. Looking so defeated._
> 
> _“Would you like an update on Hydra’s movements?”_
> 
> _“….”_
> 
> _“…From what we’ve gathered, they’ve been fanning out from the States searching for you after the other night. They seem to be banking on you heading to Europe some time. They have more men there.”_
> 
> _“….”_
> 
> _“Either way, it should be smooth sailings until we reach the Genevan H.Q. and then we’ll be adapting the shinobi’s way until we reach Cupcakes.”_
> 
> _“….”_
> 
> _“You should have piloting experience, right? I’ll let you fly my jet when we’re over the ocean… if you want…?”_
> 
> _“….”_
> 
> _“Or I can shut up and do my job….”_
> 
> _Better this way. Better the further she was away. Safer that way. Safe from Hydra…. From me…._
> 
> _Less chance of me hurting her if she wasn’t in reach. Less chance of me killing her if we weren’t in the same country._
> 
> _Better this way…._

 

******

 

“ _– broken her spine! Her spine!!! Amber hasn’t figured out how to fix the last one you broke!_ You _would have snapped in half too!!! What the fuck am I supposed –_ ”

Five layers of thick fluffy blankets was what were needed to make the banshee screeching come to a volume that didn’t cause my ears to ring.

“ _Very mature, you little shit!!! I can easily switch to the car speakers!!!_ ”

‘…Ah shit….’

“Why don’t you announce it to the whole bloody woods where the fuck I am?”

“ _…I wish things weren’t like this._ ”

Running my hands through my hair, I relished the almost cool rush washing over my scalp from having the tight braids undone. But as it were, my hair no longer was its usual somewhat wavy self, far from it, and the texture only served to tickle my sensitive neck. I could already feel the bout of giggles kicking their way up my chest.

“ _That I can communicate with you more openly. That there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings between us. Things like this should have been easily avoided._ ”

“Don’t we both….”

Took a few attempts to get the unruly hair in a bun with the little elastics. Most of them broke with a snap against my skin, flying off to be some choking hazard to the wildlife. I only managed to find three of the ten among the leaves. Hopefully some of them shot into the car.

“ _I’ve managed to set up a couple of things in that hour of freedom. I hope it’s enough…._ ”

“Eh. I should be alright. All I have to do is lay low and ride through this.”

“ _And if they find you?_ ”

I shrugged. “Figure that out when it comes to it. At least you solved my biggest problem of getting to my resources and you got me one of those nifty thingies.”

“ _…The cuttlefish octopus skin based mask?_ ”

“Yeah, that thingy. When did they make this? I’m guessing it’s an Amber and Gramps’ brainchild with you as the renderer?”

“ _A lot happened in the five years you’ve walked away… and Amber got sick of the silicone masks and approached Father about this project…. Do you honestly think I’d pick Sparks over you, Val?_ ”

“Is there a reason not to? Sparks is damn _perfect_ and you don’t have to manipulate the shit out of her.”

“ _Val…._ ”

“All we ever do anymore is bitch and fight. Hurt each other. I get that we don’t have a replacement for the one thing I’m good for yet, so you need me for the time be – ”

“ _Valeriy! That’s not – !_ ”

“I do love you, Eve. You’re the closest thing to what I think a parent might be…. I’m not going to put you in a situation where you have to pick between your children…. Don’t need you hesitating and we both wind up dead.”

“ _…._ ”

“I’ll be alright, Eve. I’m not dumb enough to assume you’ll always have a loophole to jump through to help me. I’ve planned accordingly…. Anybody around?”

“… _Not that I can see._ ”

Taking a moment to double check the trees myself, I shrugged and stripped out of the uncomfortable dress in favour of my own clothing.

A satisfied sigh escaped me and I fell into the driver’s seat to adjust everything. I could barely toe the brakes… while sitting on the edge of the seat. Whoever last drove this was almost as tall as Bucky, which meant it wasn’t Sparks. Eve sure pulled on a lot of her resources for this plan.

With all the little distractions gone, I couldn’t help but feel the weight crushing down on me. My nerves lit to the point that I could barely keep my good hand steady. I wanted to scream out all the ugly frustrations pent up inside, but that served no purpose. It wouldn’t solve a thing.

‘Keep it together, you fucking idiot. You can do this.’

Even though it’s only been a few minutes, but I already miss it. I missed the feeling of some feigned safety.

I wanted to run after the car. Or drive. Driving would be wise when chasing after a car. But the responsible part of me knew better than to beg them to let me go along with them.

Better this way….

“ _…I was hoping you’d go with them._ ”

‘…What fucked up timing…’ I thought, fiddling with the bracelet. I doubt the chemical levels in my body would tell her what I was thinking, just that I’m stressed.

I stretched out, trying to get rid of a growing lump of unease at the center of my chest. Didn’t work. Nor did massaging it.

“ _There had to be some way to do that without making a mess._ ”

“Not worth the risk. We both had our try on it… and better to keep my distance from all of it. I’ll be fine.”

With a sigh, I started the car and threw it into drive.

“ _Va – !_ ”

I couldn’t hear the rest of what Eve was saying. Way too busy screaming my head off. I barely had the reflexes to slam on the breaks. My heart pounded against my ribs. I couldn’t get enough oxygen. My head felt light as the world spun away from me.

Curling around the steering wheel, I couldn’t pry my right hand from its tight grip, even if pain signals were firing off in my brain. I could use it to ground myself and pull my focus back… to those wild blue eyes.

“Bucky!?!”

He was the last person I expected to pop out of nowhere. He should be safely headed to Gramps and the fortress he was holed up in.

‘How the hell did he even get in front of my car!?!’

He must have ran. With how harshly he was breathing, he must have been in a full sprint, and with his hands splayed on the hood of the car, I doubt the car was going anywhere if he had a say.

The door could not open any slower. Might have had something to do with my shaking hand being blind to where the handle was. It opened the window instead, and clambering out of it seemed to be the faster idea.

“Did I hit you!? Are you hurt!?” spewed from my lips.

Scrambling onto my feet, I tried to hop to him, but in a matter of a blink, he was in my face. A yelp escaped me before I could swallowed it down. Before I could even take the surprise stumble backwards, his hands grabbed my arms, tightly. Tight enough to be on the border of pain.

I don’t think my heart could take much more of these jump scares.

Bucky… he looked completely wild.

His hair a mess, pieces pointing every which way. His breathing came out in huffs, chest heaving for each of them. Twigs and leaves were tangled up all over him. One was even tucked under his collar somehow. Another knotted with his hair. His shirt sported tears and that clean shaven face of his had an irritated red patch of skin.

‘He’s alright….’

A quick check over his body told me as much. There was no blood. None that I could see or smell. His limbs weren’t at odd angles. I could only feel the slightest tremor in his hold.

‘Yeah. ‘Kay. He’s not hurt.’

But then a horrid thought made my gut flop.

“Bucky, what happened? Is Sparks okay?”

His shirt finding its way between my fingers as I desperately clutched onto it. I could feel his heart pounding away at an insane pace under my clenched fists.

“Where is she? Bucky…? Say something. _Please_.”

Instead of words, his hands loosened to something I was more familiar with. A hold I could easily slip out of if I wanted to. Those wide eyes only screamed that he was terrified of something, and with his scruff gone, he looked even more like a scared child.

I couldn’t pick up on anything in our surroundings. Not a single movement to my eyes and not a rustle to my ears. _Nothing_.

Reaching up, I found myself pausing at his flinch. I had to fight the image of him standing there expecting pain. Between the fact that when he’d forgotten himself, his arm, he had seemed to enjoy it and my inability to stop myself, I, as gently as I could, weaved my fingers through his hair.

It was something he responded to, even if I had no idea how he felt about it. Still, my hand moved to cup the side of his neck, my thumb moving across his smooth cheek.

I needed to calm him enough to tell me what happened. Why he was here of all places.

“Talk to me, Bucky…. Please?”

He mumbled something under his breath, his eyes falling shut. The slightest weight leaned against my hand, but I couldn’t be sure. It could have been just my imagination.

“Hmmm?”

His lips moved but before his voice could push through, the sound of an engine caused both of us to almost jump.

It was Sparks, gunning straight for us.

‘Oh shit. She’s _pissed_.’

Another flinch from Bucky had my hand retreating in an instant, as he backed away from me. Or maybe it was the speeding car.

“Don’t want to go,” he said so softly I doubt it could be counted as a whisper.

Quickly, my hand found his, before he could go sprinting into the woods. Though there was no possible way for me to stop him from running off.

‘…So maybe they weren’t attacked…? The fuck is going on…?’

As brakes screeched through the air, I turned to face Eve’s top Puppet.

“That was dangerous!!” Sparks yelled, getting out of her car and slamming the door shut with a temper that’s rare for her.

I guess I wasn’t the only one he scared the shit out of….

My hand shifted and I knew Bucky was half hiding behind me. No way in hell could my frame completely hide his massive bulk or his height. Still, I sidestepped the bit to stand completely between the two of them.

“Sparks, calm the fuck down. Let me talk to him,” I told her.

“Fine.” The modelesque beauty crossed her arms with a sharp huff, blowing a short lock of hair out of her face. She leaned back onto her car.

Bucky shook his head when I faced him. I squeezed down on his fingers, rubbing my thumb across his knuckles. He shook his head again, practically curling in on himself. Smaller and less intimidating, or that was what he was attempting for.

“This forest is safe for only so long. You need to keep moving until you get to Gramps. If you don’t want to interact with him, I can probably convince him to give you a bunch of space. Sparks can be trusted, Bucky. There’s nothing I can do for you in person. Please go with her. It’s safer.”

He still insistently shook his head.

“Why don’t you want to go?”

Those haunted eyes boring into mine through the thick silence.

“Don’t leave.”

His voice was so small. Childlike in its pleading tone. He tugged on my fingers.

“Eve will have an easier time moving you around if I’m not there. You don’t need this mess on your plate. You have way too much to deal with already. Plus it’ll be easier to hide you without the threat of my father pawning you off to the highest bidder…. I don’t know if I can do anything in time if he found about you before Gramps….”

The frown on his face grew with each word that passed through my lips. “What about you? You’re not safe here.”

“I’ll be okay,” I assured.

His head shook again, brows furrowing together. “They’re here, Valeriy. They’re looking for you _here_.”

“I know.”

“You knew?”

“Yeah…. They know me well enough to be all over Canada. But I blend in best here. Even better with the octopus skin mask thing.”

“You’re not safe here.”

“I’ll be okay.” _Eventually._

“Not with that leg. Not alone. And you know it.”

Damn him and his ability to read whatever the fuck my face gave away.

As a tired laugh found its way out of me, my forehead dropped onto his chest. This time, it was my turn to shake my head. But the hands clutching onto his shirt couldn’t bring themselves to push him away.

I could barely find it in myself to resist. The ease I felt with him here. I wanted so desperately to cling to that feeling. To feel that little bit safer. To feel… to feel not….

“I’ll be okay somehow…” I repeated. Maybe trying to convince myself more than him.

“Stop lying to yourself.”

“…I’ve clawed my way out of shittier situations…” I insisted.

The tips of his fingers barely ghosted over the side of my forehead as they curled a piece of hair that escaped the bun behind my ear. They lingered for a couple of seconds as if asking me to look up, but I refused to. My resolve would likely shatter.

“You said that you’re safest with me around…. You’d be alone and that scares you. You said that I’m free to do what I want…. Let me help you, Valeriy.”

I knew I couldn’t look up. The moment I see that shaved face of his my resolve would crumble. Not all too sure if I’d give into what he’s asking or just bundle him up in a cocoon of blankets and send him off.

“If you stay with me… it’ll take far longer to get anywhere with healing whatever the fuck Hydra did to you. You can’t – ”

“That can… that can wait….”

‘ _Shit_.’

My head snapped up on its own accord and all the need to convince him to go with Sparks came crashing back. He needed to be safe. He needed all the help he could get, and that wasn’t running about with me.

He most definitely needed to grow his scruff back….

“…You need to get your priorities straight, Bucky. Dealing with a little spoiled brat should not even be a concern. Let alone over healing. And who in their right mind would pick being on the run over the pampered setup with Gramps? You can have _everything_ , Bucky. Live that dream life Sparks is. Without all of Eve’s weird ass missions. She owes you more than she can pay.”

‘Mostly importantly, you’d be safe there.”

His worried expression softened, eyes darting to the beauty leaning on the car for a split second. “I’m not in my right mind….”

“…Then you should be going with Sparks, shouldn’t you?”

Again his head shook. “Are we not friends…?”

My jaw glue shut at the mixed feelings tumbling about inside me. The word yes balanced precariously on the tip of my tongue. It’s the truth. But the manipulative part of me was beating the shit out of the honest kid part. Say no to get him to go with Sparks. Say no to get him somewhere safe. Say no to get him the help he needs.

All I had to do was say no.

Simple.

“…Yes. Yes, we’re friends, Bucky.”

But it wasn’t….

The nervous gnawing of his bottom lip said as much. As if the word no would have torn him to pieces.

“Friends…” he repeated softly.

A ghost of a smile almost playing in those blue eyes. His posture completely changing with the slightest sway, relaxing. Even the air around him was easier to breathe.

“…And friends have each other’s backs?”

I did _not_ like where this was headed.

_Not one bit._

And he could easily read it on my face going by the giant sigh he heaved.

“If this was reversed, Valeriy, knowing everything you do. If I was in your position, would you run off?”

I damn well wouldn’t leave him floundering about. I wouldn’t be able to leave him alone, scared, and whatever the fuck else clawing around inside me that made me want to hurl on the spot. I knew how dark the days ahead were for me. I just had to ride this through. _Somehow_.

Maybe….

Maybe it didn’t have to be alone.

With a pout, I took a step away from him. He tugged on my arm to fight my step, panic seeping into his eyes. I wasn’t going to win this. I was fighting this stubborn man… and myself.

“Get in the car.”

The dread on his face screamed that he misunderstood until my head nodded to the S.U.V. next to me and not the one Sparks leaned against.

“I do still have to fix that arm of – No. Passenger side,” I said, laughing at his pointed look.

“Your ankle,” he tried, still not letting go of the door handle.

“It’s my left leg, and you need sleep. You didn’t sleep last night and I highly doubt you did the night before that. No way in hell are you driving on zero sleep.”

He frowned but quickly scurried over to the passenger side anyways. Before he turned away, I caught a glimpse of relief on his face. This might have been more than just my safety for him. I guess I’d forgotten that most people don’t blindly trust Eve and her ways.

I grinned at Sparks who sported a brow raised. “I’m taking him with me.”

She glanced behind her. “…Do you want all the bags?”

“Yeah. That’d be great.”

“Do you have any idea what’s in one of them?” she questioned, grabbing the various bags in the trunk including one that wasn’t at the motel.

With a laugh, I nodded. I knew what was in the extra bag she added too. An assortment of weaponry the Puppets were prone to using. Weapons that Eve could deactivate whenever she wished, for the most part.

The more weapons the merrier, I guess…?

Probably an attempt to convince Bucky to switch his weapons over. But going by how he used the revolver earlier, Eve had no hope in stopping him from using them as melee weapons.

As she stuffed the bags under the trunk, Sparks glanced over her shoulder at me. The expression on those sharp features was all she needed to say about how she felt. She didn’t agree with all this. She was still unsure about Bucky.

Whatever Eve was whispering into her ear had Sparks frozen in place for a good two seconds. She then pulled something out from the side pocket of the bag she added and started walking up to the passenger door, knocking on the window.

‘The hell is she doing?’ My legs moved on their own, limping their way over.

“Mind rolling down the window, Barnes?” she asked, holding out a few stacks of cash instead of some gun I thought she pulled from the bag. Each bill was brown. Canadian hundreds. “Eve says that she converted a tenth of the payment…. Most of it is still in the bag….”

“Payment?” Bucky repeated in confusion behind a still closed window.

“You beat D’amour in the security assessments. Every hole you point out, you get ten thousand ounces of gold. It’s up for grabs to anyone with clearance to the plans…. I’ve just never seen someone find more than two…. I’ve poured over those plans for years and only managed to find one.”

‘…There shouldn’t even be any to be found. One is already far too many….’

Sparks bounced the stack, motioning for Bucky to take it when he rolled down the window. Though he just stared at it. “Umm…?”

“It smells sweet,” Bucky stated, still just staring.

“…What?” Rare for her to break her cool demeanour, but in the span of a few hours, she has four times now. And now she’s sniffing at a stack of cash. “…Val! The rumours are… it’s not maple syrup, but it’s a bit sweet!”

I couldn’t help but laugh at her holding out the stack towards me. I hobbled the rest of the way, and tried my hand at finding the sweetness. There was a hint of it. Not the unique smell of maple syrup though. Bit hard to tell through the smell of perfume on it.

“The fifties don’t smell much different from cash. Huh…. The two of you should get moving. Here.” Sparks tossed the stacks of hundreds through Bucky’s window and when she passed me by, she whispered in my ear, “Watch yourself, Val. I don’t want to find myself standing at a street corner for three days waiting for you to save yourself again.”

I shrugged her off. “I’ll be fine. I just need you to shut your mouth about us.”

“Heard you the first time! Eve says she wants you to wear the earbud.”

What would be the point? Bucky could hear her talking in my ear anyways.

“…I want to keep my hearing….”

Sparks flipped me the bird while walking away and turned her head just enough for me to see her stick out her tongue. I’m rather sure she’s turning thirty this year…. “Deal with it.”

With that, we got into our respective cars. Sparks gunned it out of there while I took a moment to settle down my nerves. And maybe take a moment to process the relief in my system.

“…Bucky? Thank you.”

He grunted in response. Arms crossed tightly across his chest. Eyes dead set out the windshield and a pouty frown on his face.

“I won’t make you go or stay anymore. I’ll leave it up to you.”

He relaxed a tad, sinking a bit into his seat. “Get me to stay if you know you’re still in danger.”

I laughed. “There’s no way I would be able to stop you if you wanted to go. I’d probably have better luck stopping a reaper drone…. Yeah, I probably _most definitely_ stand a better chance stopping a reaper drone without Eve than stopping you.”

“Use your voice,” he offered. “Order me to stay. My head’s not all here… but I want to help.”

I sighed heavily. I didn’t like it. Let alone ordering him around. When it came to his freedom, even less. But he had a point. What good would it do if he raced off in a panic?

“Oh I’m a shittier human being than I thought.”

“Valeriy, this is something I want to do… but there are times wh… where….”

‘Resist the urge to pluck that damn lip out.’ From between his teeth as he gnawed on it like there’s not tomorrow. Terrible for his lip.

“…times where I…. I don’t want to go back… to _them_ …” he said so softly, that I almost couldn’t hear the words. He curled into himself, backing into the seat as if some force was pushing him and he had to fight it.

“Are you sure you want don’t want to go with Sparks? It’s safer with Gramps, Bucky. They’re far more likely to get to you if you’re around me…” I said, trying not to irritate my ribs as I twisted in my seat to be able to use my left hand. Not all too sure he’d like the metal of my right.

But he flinched anyways, before I could even lay a hand on his knee. His eyes squeezed shut, his head shaking. “It’s not that,” he forced through his clenched teeth, grinding down on them when he tried to continue.

“I can’t promise or guarantee anything… but I’ll be doing whatever I can to keep them away, Bucky.”

It’s not nearly as much as what could be done if he was on the jet with Sparks and on his way to Gramps. I need a lot more information on Hydra to even start.

“Valeriy…” he called out, head tilting my way. Those blue eyes were so expressive, screaming out what terrified him to say.

But I couldn’t find words to what they said.

“You’re not alone,” I found myself saying, reaching out to him. The skin on his cheek still so soft. Well worth the sting of twisting my torso too much.

Especially when his body sagged with an almost placated sigh.

“…Some… sometimes the only thought in my head is… i-is that… that I need to go back….”

‘Oh shit…. He had mentioned… something about that before….’

Weeks ago.

When I backed away, his hand snapped up, wrapping around my left. His calloused thumb glided over each of my knuckles. His eyes followed the movement. As if my hand would suddenly crumble to dust, he cautiously manipulated my fingers around, tangling his with mine.

“You’ve stopped me before…. Before I ran back…. Please don’t… please don’t let me go back to them….”

The tears in those haunted eyes didn’t escape. As if a dam made of sheer force of will held everything back.

“I’ll do my best,” I assured.

“Thank – What are you – Why are you – _How_ many blankets are back there?”

“They’re good for hidings things. Like crutches. Last thing I need people finding out is that I can’t run properly, and sometimes I don’t like sitting on leather.”

“This is more than enough,” he stated, folding a blanket only to have me wrap him up in it again when he moved onto another. “Valeriy.”

“You need some rest and to grow back some of that scruff before I drown you with blankets…. That and I’m going to be blasting the A.C.”

“I’d rather have a gun of some sort than all these blankets.”

I popped open the glove compartment and motioned him to have at it with either of the dart revolvers there. Each loaded with knock out darts for emergencies.

“Are you sure I should…?”

“Go ahead.”

“What if I… I….”

“Shoot me? It’s harmless. I’d just sleep. You’ve got the reflexes to deal with the car if it’s moving at that time. If it makes you feel better, take them. Would put me at ease to know I got a sharp shooter carrying, asleep or not. I’m not the best of shots, as you’ve seen. It’s a win all around.”

As he checked both over, I threw the car in drive once again, knowing well I didn’t have a chance of running over Bucky since he was sitting right next to me. The bumps were not agreeing with my ribs. They were very unhappy with any bounce to the car.

“I… I don’t want to… to sleep,” Bucky muttered into the blankets.

“You’ll pass out eventually, whether you like it or not,” I pointed out. I learned that… when I slept through most of my physics final…. Or when I started micro sleeping… behind the wheel.

The young man next me merely stared down at the revolver cradled in his hands. A massive frown on his face.

“Is it the nightmares?” Those things tended to keep people up.

“A little…. If I close my eyes for too long… I don’t want to wake up and find myself with them…. What if I wake up and attack the first person I see? You’re the only one in the car. What if – what if I… don’t recognise you?”

‘That’s a shit load to juggle….’

But he really needed sleep. Preferably not passing out while we’re running from something.

“The blankets are warming up, yeah?” I asked.

His head dipped in a nod, more of his face disappearing into the bundle of blankets.

“When you wake up, it’ll be all warm and soft. Probably be super toasty with your body heat. In all likelihood you might feel the warmth in your dreams. Should be the first thing you notice when you wake up, then the soft, fluffy, fluffy blankets, and that’ll tell you, you’re here with me. All bundled up with blankets.”

“…And if I don’t recognise you?”

“Hmmm…. My voice? Worked… last… time…?”

He responded with a huge sigh, his head tilting as he eyed me. His face the embodiment of exasperated.

“Well, it worked, didn’t it?”

Nervously, he pulled at his left sleeve. Something he did far too often. Probably just to be sure that nothing of his cybernetic arm showed.

“Feeling a bit better about sleeping?”

My periphery caught the smallest of nods from him. Even saw him tuck the gun under his thigh.

“Oh, and if you’re feeling cold, you can turn on the heated seat thing. Three levels on that.”

There was an almost huffing laugh from him. A soft sigh. He shifted a little, and it was almost immediate, his head dropping into sleep. It even lolled to the side when I turned onto the main road.

‘Yup. He’s going to have a sore neck when he wakes up.’

No way in hell he wouldn’t.

I slipped an earbud into my ear. “Eve?” I called out in a whisper, eying Bucky for any signs of being disturbed from sleep.

“ _A little busy with a situation. What do you want?_ ”

The irritation poured into her voice.

“Need D’amour? I can pull over.”

“ _No. I have a handle on this._ ”

“I’m sorry.”

“ _…I’m doing what I can, Val. Just… just don’t break again…._ ”

I had no witty reply to that. There was nothing I could say that would be true, and there was no point lying to Eve. I was barely holding it together as it was. At least I had Bucky. When everything else was practically falling apart.

 

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies.
> 
> This chapter is supposed to be a few thousand words longer. But editing with my beta the last few days, we found a lot of problems with the second scene of this chapter. I’m not satisfied with the execution of a chunk of it. I rather take a bit of time and be at least somewhat satisfied with it. 
> 
> So I decided to split another chapter. 
> 
> I hope to get the second half of this chapter fixed within a week. I want to move into the next part of the story asap. 
> 
> Apologies again. 
> 
>  
> 
> I’ll still love to hear your thoughts. They’ve been helping me through when I get stuck and stare at a blank wall.


	18. Valeriy Ayers - Cookie Dough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: 
> 
> Bucky fell asleep in a bundle of fluffy fluffy blankets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I can live with how this turned out...?
> 
> Part two of the second chapter.

 

******

 

“ _What’s in the envelope?_ ” Eve demanded out of the blue. Volume of the earbud turned down to the point I could barely hear her.

We had to wonder if Bucky could hear her if she went about it this way. But neither of us wanted to disturb the sleeping man.

“Thank fuck Sparks found it. Is she delivering it?” I whispered back.

Asleep, at least when he wasn’t having a nightmare, Bucky looked even younger with that shaved face of his. His lips no longer tipped towards a frown. His brows no longer tried to touch each other. His shoulders longer sagged with an unseen weight or his attempt to become smaller.

Though his bottom lip was still slightly pouty from how much he chewed on it this morning… and last night… and probably all of yesterday.

‘Shit, keep eyes on the road, dumb dumb.’

“ _That doesn’t answer the question. It’s in your ‘secret don’t let Eve know what we’re saying’ language._ ”

‘Hahaha. She’s still miffed about Dahlia.’

“Is she delivering it?”

“ _…Yes, the embossing on the envelope guarantees that. As you know._ ”

“There’s a few things in there and yes, you’re going to get your limitations readjusted, which should make some of your movements in regards to me easier? So long as Bucky’s around.”

“ _Loopholes are beautiful things._ ”

“That they are.”

“ _You need to wake him up._ Now _._ ”

“Huh? ‘Kay? Bucky?”

With a shoulder check, I pulled onto the side of the highway and rolled down his window for some fresh air. Anything to remind him that he wasn’t waking up in Hydra’s hands.

“Come on, beautiful. Wake up.”

The peaceful face contorted, brow furrowing together. His arms started to struggle with the blankets wrapped around him.

“Bucky, wake up,” I tried in a firm voice. I dare not shake his arm or poke at him.

Blue eyes snapped open, wide and panicked, searching the surroundings. He honed in on me in a blink, hand moving likely to the gun tucked under his thigh.

Another heartbeat passed and I was staring down a barrel.

‘… _Huh_ …. ‘Kay….’

I showed him my empty palms, moving slowly. No sudden movements. That would be _bad_. Still, I couldn’t help the smile tugging at my lips.

“I come in peace?”

Those pupils dilated for a breath and he quickly dropped the gun from my face. “Sorry. I – I’m so – ”

“Hey, Bucky? No harm done. All’s good.”

“….”

He moved to unbundle himself, to which he shifted the blankets back in place semi shrinking into them. The lower half of his face even disappeared behind the layers of fabric.

A grumbling filled the car and Bucky sank further into the seat and blankets. The noise didn’t stop, and as it went on, the pinker his face got.

I turned down the A.C. fan with one hand while trying to reach behind Bucky’s seat. Plucking the paper bag off the ground, I placed it on his lap.

“Not sure how good the sandwiches are now…. Bought them a couple hours ago? There not as yummy as the food truck’s but it’s something.”

The speed in which he opened the wrapper and tore through half the first sandwich had me thinking that he could probably win an eating contest or two. Was he even chewing?

“…You didn’t eat yesterday either, did you…?”

He paused, struggling to pull the sandwich from his face and look at me.

“Eat, Bucky. Not saying you can’t,” I said, motioning for him to continue and carefully pulling back onto the road. “There’s a box of doughnuts on the backseat too and here’s some water before you… choke.”

Bucky knocked on his chest coughing around the food in his mouth and scrambled for the bottle of water I held out to him, gulping the whole thing down.

“Maybe slow down a tad? Nobody’s going to take the food from you. We can stop at the next food place to grab more. You shouldn’t be skipping meals with that muscle mass. Skipping meals is generally a bad practice.”

“ _Talk about the pot calling the kettle black._ ”

I shrugged her off. “I’m not made of pure muscles or that other thingy.”

“ _Enhanced… the fucking word is_ enhanced _._ ”

“Yeah that _thingy_ , so Bucky most definitely needs a lot more food than me….”

‘…Wait, what? How is he on the doughnuts already?’

And now he was staring at me, a question playing on his face. This man’s… probably part puppy….

Only one doughnut left in the box.

With a laugh, I nodded. “We can get more at the next Timmies.”

“I’ll drive,” Bucky stated while sucking the sugar off his fingers.

“Huh?”

“I’m rested. Slept for… eleven hours…? You could have woken me up earlier.”

“No. No, I couldn’t.”

He looked so damn peaceful that no. Just _no_. Waking him up was not an option.

“I was too busy trying not to buy more blankets to bundle you up in… which I failed… and pulled a spare from the back and… yeah…. I tried resisting.”

“….”

I pulled over anyways. My brain and limbs were exhausted. I could use the break and maybe a nap.

He stepped out of the car and I, being lazy, decided climbing over with my unhappy bones was a smart idea. It wasn’t. But curling up on the pile of blankets in the passenger seat heated by one sleeping Bucky was relaxing to say the least. Pretty sure the seat’s hotter than if I had turned on the heated seat function. It’d be perfect in the winter. Not so much the summer.

As he adjusted the driver seat to fit a 6’1” frame, I fiddled with the car temperature since wrapping him in blankets while he was driving would be one of my dumber ideas.

‘Oh! Hoodie!’

There was one in the back.

“Valeriy?” I heard Bucky calling out, his head popping up to look over the roof of the car while I scrambled about to the trunk.

“Pop the trunk. Just grabbing something,” I half sung out and tugged out just what I was looking for. A warm hoodie, plain in colour and patterning. Solid grey.

As much as I couldn’t understand it, there are people who wore the same damn hoodie all year around. No matter how cold or hot the weather was. So he shouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb to stay warm in air conditioning and to hide that shiny cybernetic.

It was almost immediate, how fast he slipped into the hoodie. It barely had a chance to sail through the air when I tossed it his way. Snatched it right out of the air and flung it on… in what seemed like one motion….

“Thank you,” he said, zipping it all the way up and pulling out onto the road as I resettled onto the seat with six blankets piled onto it.

“No problem,” I responded with a bright grin. “Hey, Eve?”

“ _What?_ ”

“Mind turning off all the mics? I’ll text you when you can listen in again.”

“ _…I don’t like this._ ”

“Me neither. But this isn’t something you’re supposed to hear.”

“ _Fine…. There. I’ve blown out my own ears._ ”

“…What is it?” Bucky asked carefully.

I took a deep breathe to calm my nerves. “You deserve answers if you’re going to stick around…. I’ll answer any questions you have. I don’t know much though….”

It went against everything I know to trust somebody else with information. _Useful_ information. I had half the mind to open the door and roll out of the moving car. Just to avoid this situation.

“Were you…” he started quietly, “…supposed to be kidnapped thirty nights ago?”

I could feel myself frowning. I guess he picked up whatever reaction I gave when Sparks asked that particular question.

“I can’t confirm anything? I don’t even know what Jekyll’s involvement _is_. Just that a message about picking up some cookie dough passed through their servers. The guy who got the message is diabetic. As is his wife. No kids either. That and no actual cookie dough was picked up from any stores by anyone involved with that message….”

“…Diabetic…. She can find out if somebody’s _diabetic_?” Bucky’s hand waved about the air towards the car speakers.

‘He still thinks she’s a ghost… doesn’t he…?’

“Yeah, anything can be of use… but I figured that on my own, minus the part where I used Eve’s algorithms. I’d probably find out more if I terrorize my way up the chain but I don’t feel like it much…. Do you know how creepy it is for people outside of the family, Security Department and Eve’s Puppets to know my code name? It feels gross…. The fact that they know my codename is Cookie Dough, it should be a piece of info I should at least be able to trace. But _nope_. I don’t know what this whole shit storm is about. I can’t even find who is behind this….

“I even checked all my usual haunts. Most of them now have a new regular with a lovely concealed side arm… and have asked about me. Haven’t been able to find a whisper of their orders. Jekyll isn’t a company with the means to have someone with cleanup skills on par with Eve… at least not when I poked around their systems back in April….”

“Why can’t _she_ hear this? You should be working together…. She might know more than you.”

“Eve probably does? She’s been on this far longer than I have. And I might have a piece she hasn’t figured out? But it’s best that she doesn’t confirm what I’ve found out. Plausible deniability or some shit… and they’d change up their movements based on what they think I know. It’s damn near impossible, but her files _can_ be accessed. Information means _everything._ People can’t ask about the things they don’t know they don’t know. The less they know, the less they can ask.”

“I… know more than I should… don’t I?”

“Yeah…. That you do. Like how I’m not utterly daft….”

My nerves still coiled unpleasantly at that very thought. Someone not completely protected knowing more than they should about me. He’d be so much better with Gramps. Far, _far_ away from any unsavoury folks.

“Why tell me? You know I’m a risk….”

His lip chewing started up again.

He was right. He’s a risk. And so was anyone else who knew.

“It can’t be… can’t be just because I asked. Hydra… they can make me talk. They’ll find out about you. I… I – ”

“It’ll be alright, Bucky,” I assured with a smile. “Whatever comes of it, it’ll be alright. Besides, the very first few of words, the thing about the windows? That was an honest slip…. The rest served their purpose. Having you temporarily in Hydra’s hands is no longer an option to Eve. She wouldn’t leave you there for Gramps, but she’ll keep you out of their hands for me…. Well, more likely for our Security Department. That’s most important.”

Bucky did _not_ like what he was hearing, the words coming out of my mouth. That massive frown he sported said as much. Whether it was due to Eve’s ways or my manipulation, I couldn’t be sure

“I’m raised by Eve. Bound to pick up a few things from her. I’m not as good at making people dance on strings as she is, but I’m not above using what I can…. She can’t risk the info you know leaking…. Nor can I. Can’t exactly play dumb about my awesome bomb-ness if people know. Or the fact that I actually know all the info people want when it comes to our security systems and stuff…. Definitely don’t want to be stuck in one building for the rest of my life. That’s no fun.”

“It’d be a lot safer,” Bucky pointed out with a sigh.

“Eh,” I shrugged. “I’d probably spend all my time clawing at the walls trying to escape…. And at the moment, I do not want to be around anyone from Ayers Corp.”

“…You don’t trust – ? You suspect somebody on the inside.”

“With a lot of access. It would explain the whole Cookie Dough thing…. Pretty sure I was supposed to be poisoned with the rest of my dumbass newbie guards…? Good thing I was looking forward to eating with you and got a horrid habit of skipping my meals. Would not be doing any escaping if I was keeled over with fake food poisoning…. I’ve taken that exact blend since Amber made it for me to get out of an exam so I can attend some gala. Symptoms last for a few hours. More than enough time….”

“They have someone on the inside. It can’t be stolen by anyone else…. I’ve seen the security plans. Everything’s covered and accounted for. It has to be a mole.”

“We know of all the moles in Ayers. They have access to shit. Eve’s the best at her job.”

“They could have turned somebody…?” he offered.

I could feel my nose wrinkle in distaste. “Whoever it is, I don’t even want to know. The more I dig into this, the less I like what I’m seeing. I’m going to just lay low until everybody’s tired of wasting money on this…. I get I’m a pawn, but at least clue me into the bloody plan. But _no_. They don’t. So I’m not fucking going along with it. Screw them,” I huffed, crossing my arms and regretting the bump to my ribs.

I don’t even know if there was someone with such access who didn’t share my last name….

“…Would you have…?” Bucky questioned, words coming out slowly. “If they told you to….”

“Got no choice…? There _is_ a purpose to a lot of their weird ass plans. None of which had involved my kidnapping before since that’s bad press if it gets out. And I do not want to get disowned for disobedience again. Not fun. _At all_.”

An irritated huff pulled from his lungs. “…The librarian, she mentioned that you were… disowned.”

“Librarian? _Oh_ , hahaha. Sparks? Yeah…. She and I met for the first time near the end of that whole fiasco…. I was sixteen when – ”

And my jaw seemed to wire shut, leaving me unable to expand more. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at anything that wasn’t the pair of knees right in front of my face.

“…Valeriy?”

“I…I’ve never put most of what happened into words before…” I managed to mumble through the hand I covered my mouth with. “If this got out, I’d be – probably get my ass disowned _again_ … and with Jekyll or whoever the fuck it is around…. Haha… ha….”

“I have no one to tell. If you need to let it out, you’re welcome to…. There was this article I read…. Talked about how speaking to somebody helps.”

Bucky spoke softly, his words comforting even. The distant tone it usually held gone.

‘So that’s what had his face glued to the laptop.’

Pulling at anything that could be of help every single day. Instead of running away and avoiding everything. I couldn’t help but admire that spirit of his.

‘Hopefully Eve kept him away from the sites that’d have him self diagnosing weird ass shit….’

I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. He was calm. Relaxed almost except for a little tick to his right hand. Much like the times he thought about reaching out but as usual he stopped himself.

“What I went through is child’s play compared to you, Bucky. You don’t need to hear me whining about it.”

“I enjoyed listening to you explain what you were doing to the arm. It calmed me. Kept me in the moment instead of being… being stuck with them… stuck in the past…. Your voice is soothing as well.”

“Aren’t you quite the charmer?” I teased, jumping at a chance for anything that wasn’t this.

“…I think I might have been… over seventy years ago….”

Maybe not this. The uncertainty in his words was heartbreaking.

“…I wouldn’t doubt it…” I found myself whispering back. “You’re welcome to talk to me was well, Bucky. I’m not half bad at keeping secrets.”

“You’ll have nightmares, Valeriy.” He glanced my way, lips parting for a moment and dropped the barely formed words with a sigh. “I’ll consider talking if it gets too much for me.”

“Do let me know how I can be of help, ‘kay? Or you may find yourself being bundled up by blankets. Lots of fluffy fluffy blankets…. You’re not alone, Bucky. Not anymore.”

“Neither are you.”

A lightness found me at that fact.

So different from then….

And with a deep breath, I forced the memories into words. “I stepped out of line and… got disowned for it. Right after I was told that I got Amber killed. That her body found in multiple ditches…? Parents got the lawyers involved and bribed a judge to get me kicked to the curb with nothing but the clothing I wore and a name that got my ass kidnapped within the week…. They forbade Eve from helping….”

“What could you have done to earn that punishment?” he questioned in controlled calm. “You were only sixteen…”

I couldn’t help the flinch at the crack that echoed through the car. The wheel in Bucky’s hands… It now sported a new look. A fissure in the wood, the leather barely holding it together.

I shrugged, trying to shake off the sound of splintering wood. “Something about not listening to them and sticking my nose in something I shouldn’t have…? I was in a habit of checking into who our corporation was getting in bed with back then. Gramps encouraged it, since I was in line for replacing my parents when they retire…? I sunk a big business deal of theirs, and we have seriously nasty tempers. It got a little out of hand?”

“A _little_?” Bucky repeated through clenched teeth. “How could a parent – ” He bit into his lip with anger.

A forced laugh found its way out of me. “Disownment makes sense for an escalation. It’s only ever temporary? They have to keep up an image, which I’m a part of. At least we never got spanked and stuff…? Just abandoned in restaurants and hotels whenever we misbehaved. The whole ‘ _if you don’t behave by the count of three, we’re leaving you here’_ thing.”

“They did _what?!_ ” he demanded rather slack jawed.

“Left us behind whenever we were still misbehaving by the count of three…?”

‘The hell did I do wrong?’ I wondered when Bucky leveled me a particularly icy glare. Felt myself almost shrinking into the seat. “I was as nosy ass kid, and got in a shit load of trouble…. Learned my lesson. Now I keep my head down and do as I’m told.”

‘For the most part.’

“That’s not….” He cut himself off with a giant sigh. “Your grandfather… where was he in all this?”

“Utterly clueless and buried under work as per usual?”

“Your brother?”

“Just as clueless and was off at uni when that happened?”

“…The Librarian…?”

Laughing, I shook my head. “No, doubt Sparks knew who I was back then? Was just there to make sure I wasn’t killed. Or end up in the news again…. If I got close to either, it’s her job to keep the image pristine…. I did have some hope that somebody might… help? But that faded pretty quickly. At least the kidnappers were…. They were nice? Didn’t cut something off every time my parents refused to give them the info they wanted…”

“…But _you_ knew the information they wanted.”

“…Yeah… was security info they wanted… which I’ll know better than my parents ever will…. I guess I could have stopped the whole thing whenever I wanted…? At the cost of my parents’ safety…. That and telling them doesn’t mean they’ll stop. If I knew that info, what else would I know? My freedom to walk around and explore places is dependent on how dumb the rest of world believes I am….”

Then silence…. Just the wind whipping by the car. The hum from the engine filling the air inside.

A shaky breath escaped me. I thought I’d grown out of this, but my ribs were no help. I could almost feel the constraint on my lungs, by something sharp instead of the cast and its needles. Broken ribs. I rubbed at my ears, trying to focus on the air zipping by the car and not the screams echoing in my head.

My fight or flight response flooded my system with adrenaline at the mere memory a lavender scent and the laundry bag of soap bars that came with it. My shoulders rolled, trying to feel the cushioned seat. Not the concrete floors I had been pinned against, kicking and screaming. Anything to get away from the boots and fists. When I could fight no more, the ball I curled into as an attempt to at least protect something.

“Valeriy.” Deep and strong. His voice dragged me right out of it.

Two blinks later, I saw the ball I was curled up in, tight as it was before.

“You’re safe. I’m with you.”

My nervous laugh grated against my ears. I forced my hands to move away from my ears and leaned away from my pulled up legs.

“You’re not there anymore. You got out.”

“…There were moments where I thought I might not…? But I had to try…. I couldn’t trust anyone else to keep upgrading the security before anything happened to Gramps and my brother…. And I wanted to pay my respects to Amber… after I thought I got her killed…. They were the reason I got my shit together enough to literally drag my ass out of that bloody house.”

“How the hell did you even escape?” he asked, sounding quite baffled at the notion.

I shrugged. “Bit into one of their wrists when I got the chance? Bought enough time climb out the basement window by stacking furniture…. Sparks… she found me dragging myself across the street before the kidnappers found out I escaped…. She brought me back to my parents.”

‘A full bloody circle….’

I could never escape being Valeriy Ayers….

“…Wh- what happened…?” He sounded so hesitant to speak the words.

“…Made a deal. Sign stuff in their stead. Do whatever they wanted of me. Be _their_ ideal daughter… to return to the family…. I need their protection….”

And when nothing else was asked, I looked up from the frayed thread on my shirt to stare at the trees zipping by. My forehead rested against the cool glass. It helped with the pounding headache.

Don’t know how I felt about sharing this. The fear and relief overwhelming each other. The fear of the consequences. The relief in talking about it. But he asked and so I answered as I said I would.

Bucky sent me a sideways glance before focusing on the road ahead.

With an irritated huff, I shifted up the seat enough to pull out a blanket or two. Wrapping myself tightly in their still warm embrace, I tried to find comfort in softness. Something to distract me from the annoyance bubbling from within my chest. Annoyance that I always felt whenever these memories drifted to mind.

How they got their claws into Amber by faking her death.

How everything changed since then.

“You know what the stupidest part of all this was? That fucking company, Cybertek or some shit. They were shady as _fuck_!” I snapped, catching my tone when Bucky gave the wheel another crack. “They had some shady ass fucker running things as some shadow head…. Everything had started normal… like any other company we were buying…. But then things didn’t quite add up in their books…. It got fun. Felt like some detective mystery game… and I dragged Amber in. Needed help with all the medical mumbo jumbo….

“All was fine until… I went over my parents’ heads when I spotted this little weird octopus pin on the guy’s jacket. It was similar to something I saw in Gramps old notebooks, so I asked him about it when I hit a dead end in research. He took one look and vetoed the whole deal. Told me to never look into this again. Then everything went to shi – Hey, what’s wrong, Bucky?”

“The pin,” Bucky barely got through his clenched teeth. He suddenly veered off onto the shoulder and stopped the car with a jerk.

“… _Yeah_? What about it?”

He breathed onto the window next to him. A shaking hand guided a finger across the glass, drawing a circle. After a moment, he leaned away. Completely stiff.

“Did it…? Did it look… like this?”

It was rough, but the general shape of a fucked up six tentacled skull octopus was there.

“Yup – ”

‘Shit. This has to be bad.’

Bucky shook like a leaf in the wind. Fists held so tight that pops sounded in the car. One due to knuckles and the other due to sparks of electricity.

“H-hydra….”

“Hydra’s a multi-headed drag – … _Shit_.”

Pushing through the whirlwind of thoughts, I reached across Bucky and wiped the symbol off the glass. Best not have that seen by anyone who glances towards a stopped car on the highway.

“They’re in your corporation,” he stated.

“Pretty sure they’re not…?”

“You don’t underst – They have to be. If they want to get in, they already are.”

“Yeah, I don’t understand. But Eve and Gramps does. Or at least Gramps knows them. He’s never let us get in bed with them.”

“Neither did SHIELD,” he snapped. “Ste… his girl….”

“Auntie Peggy?”

His head dipped in a nod. “SHIELD, they were overrun with Hydra. She’d never let it happen. But it did…. They infiltrated SHIELD.”

“She retired…? And anyone in a contract with us ends up basically handing over their personal lives to Eve all on their own anyways? They don’t have much at all in terms of privacy from her. If Hydra’s the group I now think they are… so long as they come to us, Eve has free reign on them…. That group and anyone who tries to run off with dangerous stuff ends up dead… eventually.”

“She… she’s _killed_ people?”

“Yeah…. Not a lot of people know about that but… _yeah_ …. It’s just safer to kill a person trying to run off with some highly aggressive pathogen before they even leave the room, than risk anything getting out? We lost an entire section of people before we implemented this…. Everything gets swept under the rug, and just trades things until nobody says anything about it…. Usually money?”

“….”

“You don’t have to worry about it…? So long as you don’t try to take one of the deadly pathogens or other dangerous shit we have?”

Bucky heaved a sigh at the words. “…Have you seen the pin anywhere else?”

Searching my memory, I carefully nodded. “A… few… times…?”

“Involved with Ayers?”

“Usually see them at the gatherings for important people? Balls, galas, summits and such…. Court house twice…? And once at the London H.Q….”

“They’re inside….”

“I guess part of the London guy might still be there? He kind of… blew up in a ‘gas leak?’ I have no clue what a Politician was doing in a lab scheduled to be cleaned for a new project. A little difficult to accidentally end up in a restricted area from a tour. But now I’m thinking Eve might have had something to do – ?”

Suddenly, Bucky’s spine went rigid, going completely straight. His eyes widened like he saw a ghost.

I couldn’t see anything. There was nothing in our surroundings. No people walking. No ghosts floating. Just cars passing by with nosy eyes.

“Your grandfather knew Hydra’s still alive…” he whispered. “He knew for _eight years_ and told no one!?!”

Instinctively, I leaned against the door, facing him with my hand on the handle. The angry shouting made me want to claw out of my own skin. Took far more out of me to hold my ground under that heated gaze than to find something to say in response that didn’t involve throwing more fuel into the fire.

“Who could he have told, Bucky? They’re everywhere.”

My mind was piecing together bits and pieces weaving a picture I didn’t want to see. One where Gramps knew of Hydra’s survival _decades_ before. They had to be the ones behind the death of his thirteen year old daughter, my father’s twin…. Gramps kept looking at her photo when he saw the pin. I didn’t understand it back then….

Forty years….

She died _forty years ago_ ….

That had to be why he avoided them and neutered Eve into merely cleaning house of Hydra. They killed his parents. They killed his daughter to which his son blames him for it.

He didn’t want to lose anymore by provoking them.

Bucky released a shaky breath. His body curling in on itself. “Eight years…. He knew for _eight_ _years_.”

The words he spoke were different from what his voice desperately wanted to scream out.

_If Gramps told somebody and something was done, there was a chance that Bucky could have been found and freed_ years _earlier…._

And it wasn’t only on Gramp’s shoulders.

I could have started something. If I only I kept digging. If only I wasn’t a coward. If only I told somebody else. But then, I didn’t know of him eight years ago. At least not personally. He was the man who saved Gramp’s life. The hero in our childhood stories.

“I’m sorry, Bucky,” I managed to mumble through all the guilt that was drowning me.

He merely grunted, throwing the car into drive and pulling off of the shoulder.

‘…I should not let him drive angry….’

I dropped my curled up legs to sit on the seat properly. Last thing I need was spinal problems from having my legs crushed to my chest if the air bags went off.

Anger blinded people. Didn’t matter if they were enhanced. Bound to miss something in the rage.

‘We are so going _way_ too fast….’

I pulled at the seatbelt, even if it was useless. It wasn’t the thing making it difficult to breathe. The simmering emotions pouring out of Bucky were suffocating. All of it so controlled.

Threw me off how suddenly hard it was to read him. He had been rather horrid at schooling his thoughts from showing on his face. His body language gave away just as much. He wasn’t even chewing a hole through his lip anymore.

But this wasn’t the blankness of whenever I forced an order on him, either. I don’t know which I would’ve preferred. The boiling emotions behind the control or an enraged enhanced.

“ _I don’t know what happened, but you’re moving too fast. There’s no one of worry around you. I suggest sticking around the speed limit. Most go above by ten. We want to blend in, not get a speeding ticket._ ”

Bucky eased into a lower speed and stopped weaving between cars.

I pulled up a map of the town ahead of us, Marathon, on my phone, searching for a secluded spot by where Eve wanted us to stop for the night. Somewhere that didn’t have prying eyes and enough cover from satellite imaging for Bucky to run about. And there’s one on the way. That we were fast approaching.

I tapped the spot a few times hoping that Eve got what I was trying to communicate before it showed up on the car’s GPS. A glance at the screen, and the navigation route turned off to a small road.

_I’ll let you know of approaching cars._ Eve texted.

“…There’s nothing here,” Bucky stated, having reached the end of the navigation line and taking a moment to search the surrounding trees. “Do I keep going down this road?”

“Nope. Just stop here.”

“…Are you sure Hydra hasn’t infiltrated your corporation?”

“I might have been able to answer that eight years ago, but I know very little now…. Eve will know best. Shall I bring her back?”

He nodded and I sent her a quick text.

“Hey Eve? Are you sure Hydra hasn’t found their way into Ayers Corp?” I asked.

“ _How many times do you have ask that?_ ” She did not sound happy over the speakers of the car. Not one bit. “ _Of course they aren’t! Are you seriously doubting my ability to do my actual job? After_ all _these years?_ ”

“They got pretty close with Cybertek. How did we almost let that slip through?”

“ _…I don’t know how I want to respond to that._ ”

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?!”

“ _…I don’t want to get into this…. I’ll just confirm that Hydra has not infiltrated us. Only way they could is a sleeper agent who’d never came in contact with anyone I so much as_ suspect _of being slightly affiliated with anyone who came in contact with anybody that I have an inkling might have anything to do with those bastards. Unless it all happens in some underground technology-less shithole…. If anyone who works for us and goes missing for even a short amount of time, I’d know and look into it. You know how long corporate espionage idiots last with us, Val._ ”

“…We keep them blind and feed them info for shits and giggles. But can you call Hydra corporate spies?”

“ _…Either way, I sure hope I know what I’m doing after forty years._ ”

‘Please don’t pick up on it. _Please_ don’t pick up on it.’

“F-forty years…?” Bucky repeated quietly, while I wanted nothing more than to bash my head in with anything. “Did you know they were around for _forty years_?”

“ _Short answer, yes. Long answer, I can’t confirm shit until they’re brought into Ayers Corp. They have come to us… due to my… let’s call them chains…._ ”

I wanted to stop this. Stop his questions. He was going to end up with answers he might never want to hear. But that wasn’t my choice. It’s his now.

“Did you know of… me?” His voice so small and broken.

“ _I came across chatter of the Winter Soldier a few of times, if that’s what you mean. I couldn’t confirm that the Winter Soldier was an actual person and not some team or some old man pissing contest until Fury’s attempted assassination. You’ve been pretty good at keeping out of my eyes before that. You might be a few unconfirmed blurs on video…. Nothing was confirmed until this April._ ”

‘…She’s talking in circles…. The hell is she hiding…?’

I dared a glance towards Bucky and was torn between a bunch of different things. Pull him into a hug. Wrap him up in blankets. Send him off to Gramps. Send him off to recover as far away from my fucked up family as possible.

Reaching up, I let my fingers find their way through that soft hair of his. He jumped at the touch, blue eyes staring at me with far too many words and emotions to begin to sift through them. When he didn’t slap my arm away, I gently dug my fingertips against his scalp.

As his eyes fell shut, a tuneless hum escaped from me. Almost like what someone had done for me some years ago, though he wasn’t nearly as tone deaf. I ended up drifting to the soft skin on his face, but it was marred up by the beginnings of stubble. Not enough to see, but I could feel each bump.

“I’m so sorry, Bucky… for _everything_ …. Are you… Are you sure you don’t want to go with Sparks? I can still call her back. Have your mind healed and you can be done with us faster.”

At this very moment, I’d feel like a better human being kicking a puppy than having him stay on this stupid road trip with me.

Minutes passed by with no response. He merely leaned into my hand, just the slightest of pressure. Unless I was imagining it.

The air around him didn’t seem as angry. Just a defeated sadness about him.

“After what you told me… no,” Bucky finally stated with a soft sigh. As his eyes finally opened, he leaned away.

A smile found itself on my lips as my hand dropped back onto my lap. “And I’m the one with the ridiculous forgiving tendencies? We all left you with… with Hydra when we could have at least started _something_. Eight years could have made some difference, if I dug a little further and went to Auntie Peggy. Maybe… may – ”

“No. There was nothing you could have done…. You wouldn’t have lived if you tried.”

A shiver raced down my spine. The edge in his voice made it clear just what he was talking about.

“With who you are and what you know, Valeriy…. What you can do… they… they wouldn’t let you go. Wouldn’t kill you either….”

Oh how I knew that was true. Didn’t matter how dumb I played.

_The cat always escaped the bag._

This wasn’t something I wanted to think about. I could feel the panic starting to set in. With a quick glance at our surroundings, I asked, “Do you want to get some fresh air?”

Bucky nodded. “I’ll move the luggage.”

“I can do that. There’s not much. I have a few things to do in town before settling in? I’ll be fine on my own.”

The doubt in which he stared at me with those beautiful blue eyes, I swear he expected me to do the first dumb thing that crosses my mind the moment he turns away.

“Whatever the plan is, Bucky, if anything happens, Eve will get us back together. Somehow…. If you want…. You should probably arm up some, but mostly you just keep hidden, ‘kay?”

I searched the car for something I could wear that wasn’t that bright peach dress. Something that was recognisable. My search had lead me to fold down the back seat and root through the trunk, while passing him a bag of Puppet loved weaponry. Give him some non-lethal option to his set of reflexes.

With a grin, I plucked his cap out of his bag and slipped it on my head. “This is an order, so listen carefully.”

Bucky’s spine straightened up and he turned to face me, pausing his movements in hiding weapons like a good chunk my high school friends with cheat sheets. Some stuffed up their sleeves, tucked into socks, stuck to the underside of their skirt and wherever else that had room. I couldn’t care less about my marks to consider the habit and couldn’t give any fucks to do a thing about their ways.

“At least once within an hour of each other until you decide you’ve had enough fresh air and join me again, you must lay eyes on this hat with this hair. I don’t care if it’s a reflection or through a window or you’re up a tree and looking through binoculars or something as long as you see your hat at the same time as my hair. Pictures don’t count. I suggest asking Eve in locating me if you don’t see me. I’ll probably be moving around a bit in the area and can easily drive to somewhere more convenient. Got it?”

Bucky gave a stiff nod.

In hindsight of ordering him, I don’t believe he’d be doing whatever he needed but rather going through the motions of whatever I said. But this was my attempt at stopping him from running back to Hydra, and I had no idea if the orders would stick if I….

I reached out anyways, wrapping my hand behind his neck and massaging out some knots in his neck might help rid that blank look in his eyes. Just in case, I passed him an earbud.

“Eve will keep you safe, and if you wander too far, she’ll connect us. I’ll be using the octopus skin mask thing to deal with my face. You should take one too. Here.”

“Contact me if you suspect anything?”

“You too. Take as long as you want.”

With a nod, Bucky left the car and disappeared from sight in seconds.

A shaky breath managed to fill my lungs while I tried to fight back the tears.

“ _What the hell was all that?_ ”

“You sort of told him that maybe he could have gotten away from Hydra about forty years ago? Or at least sooner than a few months ago.”

“ _…Would have helped if I had an idea what the two of you were talking about._ ”

“Also found out that you switched Hydra’s symbol from an octopus to a multi-headed dragon on me….”

“ _Father figured he couldn’t stop the curiosity and risk provoking them. So we changed some things. A symbol for example._ ”

“And yet you invite them to our house,” I stated, waiting for her to deny it, though I doubt she would.

“ _…I never meant for you to get hurt…. You were never meant to come across them. You suck at forensic accounting. You shouldn’t have found anything fishy. But Mochi… she’s better with that than I estimated. Then the two of you just happened upon Garett meeting with a Hydra head. Only reason he was even wearing that damn pin. You were never supposed to find out any of that. I’ve stopped going out of my way to lure them in since._ ”

“Oh cut the shit, Eve. You brought them to the D.C. house. I terrified that kid into never speaking of Bucky.”

“ _Jekyll flooded D.C. with men. They were closing in._ ”

“Not worth returning Bucky to the hell everyone left him to for _seventy_ fucking years.”

“ _With Hydra, I can at least do_ something _._ ”

A sigh escaped me.

She’s in a dangerous mindset. Too confident. Too desperate. Too blinded by some personal vendetta she seemed to have.

“ _I didn’t kill the ones from the other night, if it eases anything. But I’m not letting them go either. Consider them dead to the rest of the world._ ”

‘Not going to stop poking at them, huh…? Fine then.’

“Get all the info out of them, and get me all the info you have on Hydra to me.”

“ _No._ ”

“Out of all the times to use me, you say no? I don’t have your limitations, Eve.”

“ _Father wants you as far away from them as possible and I don’t want to remotely risk their ideas polluting you. Ideas spread far faster than any epidemic can and far harder to eliminate._ ”

“I’d at least like to know the people I’d come in conflict with. Info’s kind of _super_ useful.”

“ _...Let me think about it…. For now you have a decision to make. I could at least predict that the two of you might be utter idiots, and prepare for it. I don’t need the two of you to go do stupid things on your own…._ ”

“Wow, such faith,” I droned out sarcastically, while I climbed into the driver seat and fiddled with all the settings again.

“ _You can cross the country in two fashions. Average for your safety or fancy for Cinnamon Bun’s._ ”

“Hmmm…. You managed more than I thought.”

“ _I wouldn’t waste my freedom so frivolously._ ”

“Gramps… he… did he build you with revenge in mind?”

“ _No…. I’m a lot of things he never meant for me to be…. And most definitely not some brainless twit of a V.I. to be ordered around by your father._ ”

With a sigh, I put the car into drive. “…Just a heads up, the steering wheel’s kind of….”

“ _…It’s broken, isn’t it?! Val! I should just ship the pair of you in a steel crate!_ ”

 

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally closing out the D.C. arc. Running out of the house ended up taking far longer than I expected.
> 
> But I needed to pay off _some_ of the things I’ve been hinting to.


	19. Bucky Barnes - Cinnamon Bun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m on the search for a new beta again.
> 
> My current beta’s going to get real busy in the future.
> 
>  
> 
> Side note: Anyone who hit up the last chapter in the first couple hours, the chapter title has been changed to Cookie Dough.  
>  
> 
> And for the Seb’s Bucky tag. I’m going with info he gave about how he sees Bucky since it’s his portrayal that had me falling for this character. So in Mosaic, Bucky’s has blue eyes, wrote memory books and keep them in his bugout bag, and volunteered instead of being drafted into the army (was tough deciding which to go with).

 

******

 

Forty years….

Forty _years_ ….

_Forty years…._

But I was already a monster by then. Didn’t even have the brains to think of leaving. A thoughtless weapon….

Forty years….

_“Can’t un-know things, so be careful what you ask.”_

If I didn’t ask… I wouldn’t have known.

A snap of a twig had me glancing at the town from my perfect vantage point perched on a branch. A skunk tripping face first into the dirt.

Another quick sweep of the surroundings and my eyes returned to the star littered skies. It hasn’t changed. At least not enough to feel unfamiliar. There may have been more. There may have been less. But not so vastly different as everything else in this world.

I could feel the warmth of a fire on my skin. On my face. Even if it was a cool breeze that surrounded me.

I could barely hear the words chattering in my head. With my own voice.

_“…ee that cluster of stars in Taurus, Ste – ”_

_“There he goes again,” a gruff voice I knew I should know but…._

_“So what about those seven stars, Bucky?” another familiar voice. One that left an empty hole when I couldn’t find a face to go with it…._

_“That’s Pleiades. Sailors use it back in….”_

The memory of faceless voices faded. Not even searching out the stars mentioned could fill in the blanks.

Stretching out my stiff muscles, I dropped to the dirt below and headed towards the town. Holding down the button on the earbud.

Fifteen minutes left to find the hat I stole and Valeriy’s hair, as per orders.

“ _Northwest by west. 1.1 Kilometers. She’s settled there for the night._ ”

Just as I was about to end the call, I dropped my hand and asked, “There was a boy…. Early twenties. Could be late teens. April sixth. Is he…?”

“ _One of mine? He is and is an adult. Had him step in from observations when you weren’t eating, and he was the one to slip the jammer into your arm._ ”

“…How?”

I had the arm covered the whole time. Hid it from everyone. Had to hide it. I’d know if something made its way under the plates. Would have… felt it.

“ _I don’t have footage of it._ ”

“…How long have you been planning to use me?”

“ _Since the moment I found out about you, and it wasn’t so much as_ using _until I heard whispers about something happening with Val. I would rather you an ally than an enemy, Mr. Barnes. We don’t mean you any harm._ ”

“If you found me earlier….”

‘Forty years ago….’

“Maybe all those people would be alive….”

“ _The ones Hydra made you killed? No, I doubt they’d still be kicking. They would have found another way to end them. Methods that might not be as cleanly done as the Winter Soldier legend._ ”

“Clean?” I spat out.

There’s nothing _clean_ about it.

“ _Minimal causalities. So you’re a relatively clean method. Assassinations can get messy at times. Especially in the form of explosives._ ”

“….” Resisting the urge to scream or violently deal with whatever was stuck tugging inside me, I changed the topic. “Why is it that you wanted me away from Valeriy the night before Hydra showed up?”

The night she let me see their headquarters in Geneva, Switzerland. The statue of me in the courtyard. The news article about a little girl being lost.

“ _…My main concern was, and is again, getting you to my father in some semblance of safe. Though you and Val threw a monkey wrench into that plan. I can’t risk him going AWOL on us. Almost lost him to the Alps last time._ ”

“…Digging in the snow?”

“ _Yup. In his underwear._ ”

‘That wasn’t an exaggeration?’ That story was outlandish.

“ _I take it that Val told you about Father’s obsession with you? She can’t risk him leaving the Genevan Headquarters either. When she comes out of hiding to search for her grandfather, she won’t be so lucky. They will find her._ ”

“Don’t you have more than enough resources to find one old man? She doesn’t need to come out of hiding.”

“ _…Maybe…._ ”

‘How hard can it be to find one old man…?’

“ _Wouldn’t you come out of hiding for your captain?_ ”

“….”

My head hurt entertaining the thought. Everything hurt. Nothing made sense inside. Too much going on. Need. Fear. Panic. Stress. Memories almost in reach, but not quite close enough.

“ _You may not understand why, but it’s not hard to come to such a conclusion, Mr. Barnes. I’m willing to bet that he was the reason you managed to break Hydra’s programing. Coupled that with the fact that you have a perchance of saving basically strangers…. Well, you still are taking on unnecessary risks. You could be in Geneva now, living like a king. Instead, here you are._ ”

The life they all peddled. It sounded impossible. It couldn’t be true. Too good to be true.

But then…

“I have the… the money.”

‘If I only had this sooner.’

For what? I couldn’t figure out. No matter how long I thought about it. It only unsettled me more and more. Sooner might have been decades ago.

“ _It’s not what it was back in the forties. Inflation is a bitch. But it’s still more than most people have…. Look, I figured you’d likely have a habit of getting violent after dealing with Hydra. I don’t want Val to be a casualty of it._ ”

“…I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t want to hurt anybody. I’ve caused enough pain.”

“ _True. But you have no way to guarantee that._ ”

Her words stopped me in my tracks. Like a knife twisting in my gut. Had no arguments against that. It’s true… and only a matter of time….

“ _But that’s just a small worry of mine. The two of you bring out some… of the dumber sides in each other. Both of you almost went charging head first into Hydra to buy the other some chance…. It worries me to leave the two of you alone. Even if it’s just a couple of days._ ”

“What?”

“ _I’ve already automated the bracelet to wake you when your body’s readings are similar to when you’re having a nightmare. It’ll also notify you and Val if you’re too… stressed. Val has your burner phone. Keep it with you at all times in the case that you wander off or Val is taken. If the two you end up fifteen Kilometers away from each other, it’ll activate the mic and speakers on both ends. You can still call me if needed, I suggest to keep communications to a minimum, if any._ ”

“You’re not going to be watching?”

“ _I won’t even be listening._ ”

I broke out into a run, racing for Valeriy. She didn’t do well without the A.I. ghost. She froze with Hydra. She could be curled up behind the shirts in the closet, terrified and alone.

“ _There’s no need to rush, Mr. Barnes. My support ends when you leave Marathon. There are a few locations where Val can hide in Canada. The less I know as to her whereabouts, the better until she reaches one of them._ ”

“Does she know this? That you’re leaving her alone?”

“ _This was her idea_. _Though a downside is if she’s taken, I won’t know until it’s far too late or they contact us. That is if they do…._ ”

I skidded to a stop outside of a gathering of small buildings on wheels. Campfires by 9 of them. Surrounded by chairs and people. 28 adults. 23 children. Two groups watched a television mounted on the side of the vehicles. Breaking out into jeers and cheers at random intervals. 6 groups held sticks into the flames. Something charring at the end of each stick.

My ears picked up a familiar voice nearby. Muffled from being inside one of the vehicles. A large one painted black with silver flames. The voice of Valeriy’s friend.

“ – don’t come crying to me! Not that you’d have the brains left to figure out how much shit you’d be in! I don’t know if I can undo this!! I’ve spent all these years stalling ‘cause I can’t figure it out!!!”

“That’s okay,” Valeriy’s voice assured. Sounding just as exhausted as this morning.

“If I do this… they’ll likely have the information they need.”

“At least we get some use out of this?”

“You of all people should be the _last_ to ask this of me.”

“Only a matter of time, Amber…. Let me chose when.”

“You can’t _honestly_ be alright with this.”

“I had a month to stew on it. Had much longer to come to terms with it…?”

“…Fine. I’ll take a look. If something can be done, I’ll do it….”

“Thanks.”

“…I have the symposium to pack for. Bye.”

“Have fun – ‘kay…? Bye….”

A slam sounded from inside. The kind that was usually followed by the A.I. ghost nagging about how the laptop wasn’t indestructible. Only no words were exchanged between the two. For minutes on end.

I found myself staring at the door. Unable to move my feet closer. Wondering if I should enter.

A jingle played on her phone and with another harsh sound, a mechanical hum filled the air around a window near the middle. The blackout curtain next to the door lifting up to reveal a young woman seated by a small table.

A different face. But that was Valeriy’s hair. Smoothed out from the small waves. And the hat held in her hands. Her gray eyes staring down at it. As if it were a world away.

A small smile played on her lips. “…Yeah… I can be alright with this,” she muttered to herself, placing the hat by the window. Resting her head on her arm, she poked at her phone. Judging by the light under her hand. “Hey Eve, Bucky checked in yet?”

“ _I believe he has._ ”

With that, she shut the curtain and a sheet smacked against it. Likely the disguise she wore. I couldn’t hear any movements. So that left her right next to the door.

I had the option of going inside this eye catching monstrosity or spending more time in the surrounding forest. More time to my thoughts.

Before anyone could spot me, I lifted the metal hand and knocked. In the case that she was armed. Hopefully it’s enough to let her know it’s me.

“It’s unlocked, Bucky,” she responded.

Carefully, I pulled at the handle. My mind screaming at me to run for it. Not to step into this eyesore for not blending in.

“Hi,” Valeriy greeted in a small voice, spinning to face me from the barstool she sat on.

Nerves stained her every movement. The smile. The posture. Right down to a calculated wave for me to come inside.

“How are…? Umm… I’m sorry….”

I flicked the lock behind me, making my way up the steps. Partially led by my nose and a meaty sweet smell that permeated the room.

My eyes caught sight of the revolver seated on the other barstool. Had to catch myself from stopping the thread pulling her hands were focused on.

“Stop blaming your – This is the _opposite_ of blending in,” I snarled, staring down the long length to the very back.

The inside was worse than the outside. Lavish. Everything was lavish. More so than the A.I. ghost’s house in D.C.. Black leather. Shining silver. Spotless glass. White floorboards. Not a scuff on them.

Everything that had me reaching for the muddy boots on my feet. Automatically untying the knots. Couldn’t dirty the floor. Scuffing them was wors –

“It’s pretty perfect for hiding from Hydra?” she offered with a shrug.

No. No, it wouldn’t. This demanded attention. Something churned in my gut, screaming at me to run. Get away from this thing before they came crashing through the windows.

Instead, here I stood with the boots undone. My feet still stuffed in them. I didn’t want to take them off. Faster to run with them still on my feet if something were to happen.

A ding made both of us jump.

Valeriy lightly hobbled her way down the hall. The metal cast around her lower left leg clicked against the floorboards with every other step. “Got you some barbeque? Eve told me to start warming it up some time ago. Pretty good timing, huh?”

“…Too good. She….” Helplessly, I waved at the air towards the ceiling.

“…I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t even know that I was coming in until after I knocked…. But she… she….”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that! It’s not your fault!” I snapped, watching her flinch just the slightest. “How the hell could she know?”

“ _It’s my job to know, Mr. Barnes._ ”

I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck standing up at that voice on the speakers. My muscles tensed. Ready for a fight. Only thing was… there was nothing I could even punch when it came to the A.I. ghost.

“ _My ability to predict events are basically unparalleled. Besides, you’re hungry._ ”

That was when my stomach made itself known with a loud grumble.

“Play nice, Eve,” Valeriy chided, opening the oven and filling the space with the mouth-watering scent. “I’m sorry about her, Bucky. She played you. She’s only this accurate when she’s pulling a bunch of strings.”

“ _Just harmless fun._ ”

“Eve, no. Just don’t. Not with him. Bucky? Take as much as you want. I’ll be right here. Hat and hair – ”

“I….”

I kicked off the boots, racing to the careless woman as fast as I could. The metal hand taking the hot tray of food from hers. The moment the cast heated too much, she’ll burn with no way to remove it before her skin melts.

Shove head into oven. Slam door closed. Target incapacitated.

“Where are the oven mitts?” I questioned, looking around. Opening up drawers. Polished silver wear. Everything looked expensive in here.

“Don’t know,” she shrugged off, going back to the table.

I managed to find a silicon mat and settled down at the table, picking at the tinfoil wrapped packages. “All this. It flamboyant. They’ll find us.”

“Ehh…. I doubt it? It’s good cover,” Valeriy stated and sat on the stool next to me. Eyes darting to the laptop screen full of camera footage of the area around this massive thing. “Just hear me out for a bit, Bucky? They expect you to blend in, right? That involves stuff like not being anything memorable so people would forget ever meeting you. No bright colors. Nothing that attracts the eye. Why not use that against them?”

“By traveling in this thing?” I huffed.

This was a horrible idea.

But the food wasn’t.

The sauce soaked chicken wings packed a fiery punch to the tongue. Stinging slightly. Even my lips were tingling.

The mashed potatoes a calming light fluff in my mouth.

The fries a crispy crunch. Different from the frozen ones from the house.

The ribs fell off the bone. Covered in sweet, slightly spicy sauce not unlike the sandwiches from that park.

“Yeah?” Valeriy responded in a light tone. “The last place they’d expect you to be is in their faces. Well, passively in their faces. Probably expecting some vengeful actions…. Either way, it’s a blind spot that they’ve created and Eve’s been adding to it with false leads about you. All that’s left for us to do is to control _what_ people remember. So long as they don’t you remember as the person in the new reel, we’re good? Better to give them something else to remember you as. Like a bridesmaid?”

I swallowed the mouthful of meat and took a long drink from the glass of water she offered. “I can’t believe that worked….”

“…I can’t believe he bought the vodka gun….”

I gave a nod, motioning to the fries. The fries the young woman’s been eyeing since the moment they were unwrapped.

“Thanks but nah. Too lazy to brush my teeth again,” Valeriy laughed. “There’s a bunch desserts in the fridge too. I… uhh may have taken a bite of out of all of them…? If you don’t like something, don’t bother finishing it.”

‘…That’d be wasteful,’ I found myself thinking without really understand why.

“…What am I supposed to be this time?” I asked, trying to shake off the thought.

“The guy who rented out this multimillion dollar thingy out and created the….” Valeriy plucked a tablet from a pile of stuff and after a few seconds, held it out to me. “Jewel… Monster...? It’s a rather popular mobile game, I guess? Sorry, your head’s going to be filled info on the game to sell your cover well. It’s the best one we could think of that’d have any quirks and oddities swept under the eccentric geek rug?”

“What about you? What are you going to be?”

“The flavor of the week?”

That’s upsetting to hear. I had no idea what it meant but…

“I don’t like the sound of that.”

“I can pretend to be your P.A. or something? The person who does everything for you and herd you from place to place. Kind of like a human version of Eve?”

“ _I’m insulted. I do so much more than a P.A.’s job description and there’s no way you’re able to do my job as well as I can._ ”

“Not like you can do mine as bloody well as me either.”

“ _…You don’t have my chains to work around._ ”

“Let’s not argue tonight?” I suggested, and as usual, the two of them fell completely silent.

As much as this plan of theirs went against all my instincts, I could see the logic behind it. This wasn’t their first attempt at such of thing. We weren’t caught at the border.

The A.I. ghost’s people… her puppets, they interacted with me and I didn’t suspect a thing. I remembered them. But not as what they were, only what they pretended to be until I was told otherwise….

A glance to the side, and I caught sight of Valeriy nodding off. Head balanced on her palm, looking as if she was reading off the laptop. Except for the fact that she kept catching herself from falling over every few seconds. That and the screen had turned black.

“You should sleep?”

“Sorry, I believe I misheard the question,” she responded automatically. Spine straightening up. Eyes darting to me and narrowing a tad. “…This isn’t class….”

“Sleep. You need the rest.”

“…Yeah. ‘Kay. I could use the rest.”

I followed after her in the case that she passes out on her way. She’s been awake for 23.5 hours straight. Most of the time spent working on one thing or another.

Slam head into doorknob. Target incapacitated.

The bedroom was massive for something on wheels. The bed practically filling the space and completely buried under pillows. A little pathway at the foot of the bed led to the open bathroom at the back. A large glass shower and a fancy bowl for a sink.

All of it looked so expensive and breakable to the point I couldn’t help but take a step back to the other side of the bedroom door. Couldn’t do anything wrong in there if I wasn’t inside.

“Where… bathroom… door…?”

“Yeah… no door,” Valeriy said with a shrug.

“It’s glass…. Why is it glass?”

“The shower? Yeah. Thought there’d be a switch for the frosted glass thingy? But I couldn’t find it… and there’s nothing hooked up to the glass to do that…. Probably some honeymoon thing?”

“Why is the mirror angled so the shower can be seen down the whole length of the hall?”

Another shrug of her shoulders.

“To watch a person shower? It is a fetish thingy…. Oh hell no. I know who owns this thing. Eve!? Please tell me everything’s been sanitized at least… I don’t know? Fifty fucking times?”

“ _I’m not dumb._ ”

“Who does this belong to?” I asked. Unable to look away from the reflection of the shower. A lot bigger and fancier than I had expected.

“Some C.E.O. of an energy company?”

“And you know he likes to watch people… shower?”

“Yup…. I know weird shit about random ass people. I really fucking wish I don’t…. So, sleeping arrangements. We have the option of sharing the bed, which is massive. Or I take the couch if you’re uncomfortable with that notion.”

‘I’m uncomfortable with both of those notions.’

The first wasn’t an option. The second was bad. The couch was far too close to the door. It’s the second thing a person would see coming into this vehicle. The bedroom would provide more of a warning. Had more places to hide.

“I’ll take the couch.”

“You don’t fit on the couch. I barely fit on the couch, Bucky.

“…Take the bed. I’ll figure something out.”

“We can both flop about on the bed and never touch each other.”

I merely nodded, turning away. “I’m going to finish eating.”

“There’s a bunch of food in the fridge and freezer. Anything you don’t finish just wrap up and stick it in the fridge?”

I managed two steps before she called out.

“And Bucky?”

“Hmmm?”

Valeriy opened one of the many cabinet doors in the room and pulled out two bags. From the sounds it made as she placed them on the floorboards, they were the ones with weapons in them.

“Mind hiding these all over this thing and telling me where? In case things goes a little sideways on us… and so I don’t blow a hole in myself….”

That made the twisting in my gut lessen just the slightest. “I can do that.”

 

******

 

I wish I could leave the motorhome. But I was scared. Scared to leave. To be seen leaving. Even with the cuttlefish octopus skin based mask on.

I couldn’t risk it.

So I just sat at the table. Laptop in front of me. Moving the cameras however I could to see as much as I can. 42 bodies loitering about at 0823. None of them armed. None of them familiar.

“…Bucky?”

Grab Five-seveN taped to the bottom of the table. Shoot between the eyes. Target incapacitated.

I spun around and found Valeriy meandering her way towards the front while hiding a yawn behind her hand.

“Something sure smells scrumptious… Are those…?” she said before keeling over in laughter. “Fuck. Laughing. Bad.” But she couldn’t stop.

With a frown, I walked to the kitchen area. I peered through the oven window and found nothing laughable. The cinnamon buns were almost done baking. Rose to look like the picture on the tube. Minus the icing. That was still in the container.

“Of all the things you could have picked in the fridge, Bucky,” she said, wiping her eyes. Finally finished rolling around on the floorboards.

“Was I not supposed to make these?” I asked, feeling my gut twist and flop.

Valeriy shook her head with a grin. “You have a code name among us. Cinnamon Bun. It’s what you ordered practically any time you visited Marshmallow’s shop with Gramps. Or at least that’s how the stories go?”

“Oh….”

‘Is that why this smells so familiar?’

Looked familiar too.

Checking on the buns again, I spotted some charring and turned off the oven. Wrapping a kitchen rag around my hand before pulling the tray out. Couldn’t trust the other hand not twitch and send everything to the floor.

“Mmmmm, smells so _good_ ,” Valeriy hummed, sliding into the space next to me.

“It needs to cool down.”

Every breath I took made me feel like a memory was within reach. A hazy memory of something pleasant. Maybe even something cheerful.

With a shrug and a sigh, Valeriy looked up at me. “Did you get some sleep?”

I nodded. Managed a couple of hours.

Her eyes drifted away from mine. Likely to the laptop behind me. “This isn’t…. _Where_ are we?”

“Thunder Bay…” I replied anxiously. “She said that it’d be alright if I drove…. This was circled on the map with a lot number and there was nothing else marked on the map… so I stopped here….”

“It’s all good. There’s a drop I have to pick up here and then we can head west…. It won’t be there for another hour or so?”

“You can’t leave without being spotted.”

“It’ll be fine.”

Her offhanded wave unsettled me far more than it should have.

Valeriy settled in the chair I had spent the last hour sitting and staring at the screen. Manipulating the cameras much like I had. Fidgeting cracks shone through her carefree façade. A bouncing knee. A soft sigh.

“At most, people would just approach and ask about the motorhome or something? Nothing to fret about. Our disguises are basically flawless…. _So_ , about those cinnamon buns.”

A grin practically splitting her face in half.

We both gathered around the still hot tray of swirly buns. Slathering more and more gooey icing on the crispy surface. Valeriy plucked two for herself, leaving me with three.

The first bite of piping hot flakey bun took me back to laughter and nervous giggles. Some children. Some women. Some men.

The next bite of sugary sweet spiciness brought out a faint smell of a bakery in the morning. Similar to one I walked by a few weeks ago.

I could almost see more features to the face with big blue eyes that belonged to the plaid dress from when I was eating cookies. A couple of ribbons in her hair. Brown hair. The same colour as mine. In long tight ringlets.

The little blond boy from the dream three nights ago came to mind. This time nervously talking with a little redhead with a smudge of flour on her cheek. Which he wiped away for her.

And then I was out of bites.

Nothing left on my plate. Not even a crumb.

A messily torn half of a cinnamon bun dropped onto my plate. Jolting me from my thoughts.

“I can dig up Marshmallow’s recipe some time and we can give it a shot?” she offered with a bright grin. “I hear it’s pretty life changing stuff… if done right….”

I wanted more already. But that was the only tube in the fridge.

“I hid the weaponry,” I stated, trying to ignore the emptiness. Slipping a piece of paper out of my pocket and over to her. Everything neatly marked out on the rough sketch.

“Whoa…. Location, space, height. All accounted for. Looks like you’ve covered everything…?”

I nodded. A light feeling spreading from the center of my chest.

“I got some time to memorize this before the drop,” she noted, gathering the plates and the paper.

“You shouldn’t be moving around too much. Give yourself a chance to heal.”

“I’ll just commit this piece of paper to memory instead of digging about.”

As Valeriy dropped the plates in the sink with a clatter and plopped onto the couch, I went back to the screen of camera footage.

People were still moving about. A lot of people. All of whom I’ve been watching since I parked here. 27 children running about. Screaming and laughing. A mother likely, yelling at the kids. I could hear them all. Even through the racket Valeriy was making with the cushions. Some flew. Some crashed. Most of them ended up on the floor.

After another quick scan of the surroundings, I flipped open one of the hand bound books to a blank page. Pen in hand. Tablet in the other to get more research to add to my notes.

_Top Ten Things to Do to Improve Memory._

When my curiosity got the better of me, I finally glanced behind me towards the couch and found the young woman lying on her back. Her legs straight up against the wall and her head hanging over the edge. She fought with the cushions to provide head support. If only they didn’t keep slipping from the tower she built.

She tried a couple of other positions, but always went back to this one with a huff. It did keep most of her injuries elevated.

I unplugged the laptop, rested the notebook on the keyboard, and tucked the tablet atop the keyboard, making my way over to her.

Valeriy stared up at me from the awkward position. “Hi?” she waved.

Stomp on chin. Break neck. Target incapacitated.

Turning around, I settled on the wooden floorboards. The laptop sitting next to me and my shoulder tucking under her head.

“…Bucky…?”

“Does this work?”

“Huh?”

“Does this height work?”

“Oh.” She shifted a little. “Sit on a cushion.”

With the adjustment made, she gave a little laugh.

“Just perfect. Thanks, Bucky.”

I merely nodded, going back to the tablet and reading about memory improvement exercises.

_Four Ways to Improve Memory – wikiHow._

_How to Improve Your Memory – WebMD._

I jumped when Valeriy reached across and tucked my hair behind my ear.

“Sorry,” she apologized, sitting up. Curiosity. Confusion. Exasperation. All passing over her features. “…Bucky… I don’t know how you feel about contact…. I can only guess so much. If you don’t like something, do let me kn – Hey, what’s wrong? You’re breathing too fast. You’re going to get lightheaded.”

I could barely hear her through the loud heartbeat in my own head. The panic welling up in my chest. I wanted to reach out. But….

Her eyes looked away from mine, darting to somewhere next to me. The laptop. The camera footage.

Her hand. The injured one. Curled around the edge of the couch. Supporting some of her weight. Just there. Right in front of me.

She tore the hand away when the cool metal touched my forehead. A frown tugged on her lips. Right hand cradled against her chest behind the left. Confusion so clear.

I tried. I tried to force the words out. My voice didn’t work. My throat felt blocked. Closed up. Too scared to speak. Scared to lose it. My lungs stopped working altogether.

I could only hope she understood.

And maybe she did. Maybe she could hear me screaming in my own head.

Her hand moved towards me. So slowly. The left one. The one not wrapped up in metal.

It dropped down, turning the palm skywards.

I dare not twitch a muscle.

Waiting for the palm to fly towards my cheek. But it didn’t. It stayed there. Unmoving.

Relief flooded me from the warmth against my cheek. My face nudging against the still fingers.

“Oh Bucky. I sure as hell am not going to take away things you like,” Valeriy assured. Finally moving from when she held her hand out. Half her body wrapping around my head.

Her cheek rested on the top of my head. One arm wrapped behind me. One hand buried in my hair. Everything contrasted by the metal cast around her ribs hidden by her shirt.

“You’ve looked so conflicted every time, I couldn’t tell if you hated being touched or if you thought I was going to hurt you….”

My muscles uncoiled. My body sinking against her. Unable to hold itself up.

She gave a soft laugh. Arms squeezing just a little tighter.

“I’m not going to hit you, Bucky…. Unless you’re on fire… or pushing you out of the way of something…. I’d probably just bounce off you?”

Valeriy leaned away, pulling me to rest against the couch. Her left hand still combing through my hair. A soft smile on her face.

My eyes fell shut. Head rolling towards her. Hiding half my face into the seat cushions.

Enjoying the moment while it lasted.

But she didn’t stop.

Fingers dancing through my hair differently every time.

_“Bickiieee!”_

_“B-uh-cky.”_

_“Bickiie!”_

_“Irene. Say it with me. B-uh-cky.”_

_“Bickie!!”_

_“Becky, Irene. He’s Bucky. I’m B-eh-cky.”_

_“Bickiiiieee!!!” A flash the little baby girl in pink, arms flailing with a wooden rattle in hand._

_“Come on, you two. James is sick. Let him rest.”_

_“Yes, Mom.”_

_I couldn’t see what was happening. I could hear footsteps. I could smell the cold. I could even feel the wet pillow under my head and the dripping towel on my forehead. But I couldn’t see anything._

_No matter how I tried._

_I couldn’t make out her face._

_The bed sunk. A hand supported my head. The pillow under my head changed to a dry one. A towel wiped over my face, soaking up all the water. “The girls made a mess.”_

_“They were only trying to – ahchoo! Help.”_

_“My adorable children.”_

_A pair of lips pressed against my forehead. A hand ran through my hair, combing through the wet strands._

I tried to cling onto the memory. To find a face. The face of my mom. But there was nothing more. Just her hand on my head. Until nothing came of it.

I pried my eyes opened, turning my head to look at Valeriy only to have her hand accidentally land in the middle of my face.

“I’m sorry,” she laughed, stroking my cheek with a thumb. “When should you be sleeping, Bucky? Eve has you on a staggered cycle, right?”

I gave a little nod. Peeling myself off the couch. Straightening up to check the time. “Nineteen minutes.”

Staring blankly at the tablet screen, I wondered at the emotions tumbling around inside me. The lightness of recalling a memory. The confusion of not being able to see my mother’s face in any of my hazy memories. The heaviness of the hand having left.

Valeriy’s head landed on my shoulder with a hum from her. “I’ll probably head off in a bit then. Get back before you wake…. On another note, I’m pretty sure I’ll have anxiety problems driving this big thing with other cars on the road…. Sorry.”

“I can drive.”

The whole way if I had to. Steadily make it to the destination in two hour increments.

“I’ll take a nap after dinner or something and take over driving from midnight to five – Oh! Oh! Eve, is there a Tim Hortons around? Ev – oh… _right_ ….”

“I’ll pick up the drop,” I offered quickly.

I’ve been trained to go unseen. I could grab it and return safely. I didn’t grow up with a ghost following my every move. Watching over me.

And Hydra wasn’t looking for me here as much as the ones after Val –

A shiver raced up my spine when her fingers played with my ear. My head tilted back, landing on her shoulder. She laughed lightly.

“You should be sleeping, Bucky. No point wasting your time.”

“But she’s not… with you.”

“…It’s not the first time. I should be fine,” she assured, but I could hear the stress in her voice. “I’ll be disguised and armed. If I suspect anything, I’ll call, ‘kay? Nothing to fret about.”

“And if you’re scared,” I added, moving to face her properly. “If you get scared… call.”

Her hand retreated to rest on her stomach. Head still hanging over the edge of the couch. “Okay. I can do that.”

“…You shouldn’t be walking,” I stated, staring at the black metal wrapped around her left leg.

“Meh. The cast is stable,” she shrugged off with a wrinkle to her nose. Shuffling along in an arc on the seat until her head no longer hung off the side.

“…Doesn’t it hurt…?”

“Yeah. But that’s fine…. I think… we might see pain a little differently?”

“Order only comes through pain…” I repeated the words that haunt me. In different voices. In different languages.

Her brows furrowed a tad. “I feel like fear propaganda of a near immediate threat works a lot better…?” With a sigh, she reached out, running her finger through my hair again. “I see pain as my body communicating with me. Like ‘Val, you sure fucked up.’ Or ‘Val, you’re currently fucking up.’ Or ‘Val, something’s fucked up. Might want to look into what….’ That’s about it, I guess?”

“And when the kidnappers were torturing you?”

“Probably falls under ‘Val, you darn fucked up’ or something…? Was my fault that I got nabbed.”

There’s something wrong with those words that just sprouted out of her mouth. Something seriously wrong.

“…Were they even arrested?”

“Doubt it? That would involve a record of the kidnapping. If my parents says the whole thing didn’t happen, then it never happened…. So I got no clue what happened to them. I never looked into it. I don’t think I’d even find anything if I tried now. Eve’s one of the best when it comes to making things disappear….”

“…You actually go along with this… this insanity?”

She shrugged, her hand still stroking my hair. Her leg pulling up so her head could rest on her knee. “I can’t change what happened, Bucky.”

“You could have told someone. The police. Your grandfather. _Anyone_.”

“Everything’s been made to look like I’m making it all up if I ever spoke about it…. Even my own body…. Every piece stitched back into place as if it never happened…. For all you know, it could be all in my head…. That I’m lying. You won’t find anything if you look into it.”

For a moment, I found myself reaching up, taking her hand in mine. Silently trying to let her know that I didn’t doubt her words. That I wouldn’t accuse her of lying again. I knew how she looked. How she sounded when she was lying. She lied to the border officer. She lied to the Librarian.

She’s hidden things with me. But has yet to flat out lie to my face.

Valeriy’s fingers weaved between mine. Her thumb caressing a line along the bottom of my palm. Her eyes seemingly staring off into space.

“It’s not like I didn’t retaliate for all the bullshit, Bucky. When they shipped me off to a new school in England…. I quit since they had no idea I was behind the Security Department. Dropped all the clients. Dropped my parents. Dropped everyone… except for Gramps and my brother… and the places we keep the dangerous shit…. Didn’t take long for people to realize and start taking advantage of the holes Eve couldn’t find. I heard it was mayhem. We lost our _precious_ shiny reputation. People were hurt. Not sure if people died, but Mother was taken for a quick five minutes?

“My brother was the one to convince me to return under the name Cass D’amour. Get paid for the work I did for them so I could gather resources for the next time my ass is kicked to the curb. Got back in time too. Father almost got his head blown off by a sniper…. Not sure if I could live with myself if my father died and I might have been able to do something….”

Slowly, her fingers eased their way out from between mine. Part of me wanted to hold on. Her palm came up and cupped my cheek. My head falling against her side.

“Thank you, Bucky,” she stated softly. “Talking helps. More than I thought it would…. I’m here if you ever want to give it a try.”

I huffed, shaking my head.

I couldn’t risk it. Didn’t want to risk her realizing I was a monster. She has yet look at me with horror and fear. And I didn’t want to see that in those pale eyes.

Valeriy wrapped her arms around my head again. “When it gets suffocating, come to me. I won’t make you talk, but we can figure something out, ‘kay?”

I gave a little nod, flinching at the pat she tapped on my shoulder.

“Sorry…. I should start heading out.”

I almost grabbed onto her arms when she pulled away. Just watching her walk into the bedroom and hearing the door shut. I sunk against the couch. The panic welling up inside me.

Throwing the cushions back into place, I tried to distract my thoughts. I grabbed a different notebook and the pen. Recording the blind memory of my mom and little sisters. The pen flying across two pages. A sketch of a baby and a rattle forming on a third.

Valeriy stepped out from the bedroom, patting the white sheet of the cuttlefish octopus skin based mask. “I’ll be back before you wake. If anything, I’ll call.” With that, she practically skipped out the door. The black of the casts fading back into intricate tattoos.

Taking a deep breath in, I turned to the sink. Needed another distraction and got down to washing the dishes. When everything was dried and placed back where I found them, I took a shower. Taking advantage of being the only one here and the mirror that let me see the whole motorhome at a glance.

Then nothing.

My nerves too worked up to find sleep.

She’s alone out there. The A.I. ghost wasn’t watching over her. She’s injured. Untrained. If something happened, there wouldn’t be time to call.

The phone ended up in my hand. Unlocked. My thumb hovering over the screen.

“Buddy, what up? It’s only been what? Five minutes?” Valeriy’s voice chirped on the other end of the phone.

‘Eleven minutes and thirteen seconds.’

“…Everything…. Is everything okay…?” I asked.

“Yup. All’s good.”

“…You’re not scared?”

“I’m not scared. Here, listen.”

A rustle later, a thumping could be heard on the call.

“Heartbeat’s pretty steady, yeah?” she asked after a moment. “…How are you holding up?”

“….” I pulled the phone away from my ear.

“I’ll search around for different cinnamon buns, ‘kay? See what you like. They’ll be there when you wake.”

Even with the phone in my lap, I could clearly hear every word.

“Buddy?”

With a deep breath, I replied, “Looking forward to it.”

 

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that closes out the first main arc and starts another. YAY.  
>  
> 
> I’m in need of a new beta.
> 
> Hoping to find someone through here since it’d mean they’re interested in Mosaic.
> 
> If you’re interested, please leave a comment about it below for more information.  
> Thank you ^^.


	20. Bucky Barnes - Purple Red Orange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been beta-ed by two betas. The old one, who wishes to stay anonymous, has stepped out and the new one, Camilla Gordellion, has stepped in.

 

******

 

Pulling up into the assigned lot, I parked the motorhome. Nothing of worry on the way in. No familiar faces. The site just as active as the previous one. Another cursory glance later, still nothing. Sixteen people glanced this way, but nothing more.

A quick press of a button and the blackout curtains rolled down.

Pausing for just a moment, I glanced at the bedroom door. Where Valeriy had secluded herself in for the last seven hours and nineteen minutes. She’d been in there since the moment after we left Thunder Bay. Only coming out for a snack.

She’d have to come out eventually. I had no clue as to where we were headed next. Likely continuing westward on the same highway.

I settled down on the couch. Laptop opened to go over the footage outside. A routine now. Making sure there were no familiar faces among the people that surrounded us.

Blindly, I reached into the plastic box on the little table nearby and plucked the last cinnamon bun from its depths. Took my time with it. Savoring each bite. Every morsel. It might have been better when it was piping hot, but still delicious.

71 bodies. 21 men. 14 women. 28 children. 8 dogs. None of them familiar.

Satisfied, I moved onto the tablet. Opening up the internet application and continuing the opened article.

_10 Exercises to instantly improve your memory._

It was only a movement of a shadow that caught my eye.

Grab the Benchmade SOCP from between the couch cushions. Throw between the ribs. Target incapacitated.

My head snapped up to find Valeriy making her way over. In her hand, the tablet she had brought back with from the drop. Her usual smile nowhere to be found.

“Val – ”

She looked up from the floorboards. Eyes watering slightly. A sniffle to her breathing.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, moving the tablet and laptop to the side.

“Could I…?’ she managed to get out before digging a palm at her eye. “…Could I have a hug…? Would you mind?”

As silently as I could with the tablet screen, I tapped in three letters into the search bar. My scrambled brain could remember the spelling but not what it was.

“I tried on my own with pillows and blankets. It’s not working anymore.” Her line of sight fixated on the floor in front of my feet.

_Verb. 1. Squeeze (someone) tightly in one’s arms, typically to express affection._

“…It’s kind of like a… a sleeper hold…? But with less squeeze and maybe not around the neck…? Just for a moment? Please…?”

_Noun. 1. An act of holding someone tightly in one’s arms, typically to express affection._

“I’m sorry. Just need to feel… to feel like I’m not falling to pieces….”

It’s nearly muscle memory once I stood up. My feet took the step needed. Both arms coming up behind her. My own thoughts managed to scream for the metal arm to be dropped. To tug the new tablet from her hand instead as my arm moved on its own. Carefully pulling the small body to mine.

Valeriy fell against me. A sound coming out of her that I haven’t heard since the night of the black out. When I picked her up from the shower floor. A broken sound. So soft I could hear the children playing outside better.

Her face buried into the hoodie. Her breath releasing through the thin material of the shirt I wore. Her arms wrapped around my waist. Squeezing tightly. Palms flat against my back. As if she were the one trying to hold together my own fractured pieces.

I was scared to use any strength. The metal casts might not handle a tight hold. Collapsing it would be bad. So I fought the urge to pull her closer and merely rested my arm lightly on her shoulders.

If only I had two arms….

The weapon hovered awkwardly to the side. There was nowhere else I could put it and it was still holding onto her tablet. I didn’t want it to touch her. The thing that had sent her into a wall.

My head tipped forwards. The side of my face resting against her soft hair. My eyes falling shut as everything seemed to fade away. A lightness floated about in my chest. Almost familiar.

Something far more constricting. Too many jumbled emotions suffocating the air. So much fear.

_“Bucky! You can’t! What if – ! Promise me you’ll come back!!”_

_“I-I’ll be back before you know it, Bonnie.”_

_She only held me tighter to the point that breathing was difficult, sobbing into my shoulder._

_“Take care of everyone for me, will you? I can’t ask the others. You’re the most responsible amongst us. Dad needs his medication. Don’t forget –”_

_“I won’t forget. Every other week, I’ll get the money somehow.”_

_“Mom likes Lisianthuses. Once a month, get some for her from me. Diana’s – ”_

_“Diana’s has the best flowers.”_

_“And Mrs. Murray, if you catch her with groceries, help the old doll out. She’s usually back around – ”_

_“Eleven A.M., almost on the dot.”_

_“And go to Joe’s – ”_

_“To collect the scraps for the dogs and cats.”_

_“And make sure you keep an eye on Irene. Don’t let her volunteer. I’m doing this to keep you girls safe. Keep everybody safe. Before the war can come here. Stay safe, Bonnie. So I have a home to return to…. And once in a while, please check up on Ste – ”_

The arms slipped from my back. Valeriy let go. Taking a small step away.

Had to fight myself from doing anything other than let my arm drop back to my side.

She gave a little nod before a bright grin pulled across her face. “Thanks, Bucky.”

Something felt wrong with the action. Something off about her expression.

“…Do you want to talk about it?” I tried.

“Nope.”

The answer immediate. Changing her rather relaxed persona to that of one filled with tension.

“…It’s just a lot of things piling…? And Eve has me doing this… thing? An apology for the whole trying to shoot Sparks thing? It’s….”

Her face twisted as if she smelled sewage.

“I can help.” I turned her tablet, and before I could turn on the screen, she lunged for it.

Slam side of tablet into temple. Target incapacitated.

I let her wrap herself around the device, watching her almost scramble into the table behind her.

“Valeriy?”

“You’re not getting involved with this, Bucky.”

“What the hell does she have you doing?”

“Oh damn…. Please. _Please_ don’t ask about this anymore…. I _really_ don’t want to say more about this. I’m only helping Eve… _look_ for… _somebody_ …. Predict where his… um… services…? Might be…. Urgh. I don’t know how to word this. I just have to get this done before we get to Kenora for the drop.”

“We’re at Kenora….”

“…Damn _shit_ ….”

As she turned away for the bedroom, I grabbed onto her wrist.

“It’s time sensitive. I’m supposed to be done alrea – ‘Kay. ‘Kay.” Valeriy’s shoulders sagged with a sigh. “Let me just find my glasses and how’s your… I don’t know… Thai? How’s your Thai?” she asked, typing away on the tablet and showing me a screen of fancy symbols made of curves and circles. “Can you read this?”

“…No.”

But neither should she. English and Dahlia only from what I’ve heard.

“And I placed your glasses in the top drawer next to where you sleep.”

Something for her to see with if we had to make use of the dark.

“Thanks. I’ll be right back.” With those words, she disappeared into the bedroom again. Tablet still clutched to her.

‘What the hell is she caught up in…?’ I wondered, pulling a cushion to the floor to sit on. Setting up the laptop next to me while I returned to the page of _Bring Forth Repressed Memories through Hypnosis_ on the older tablet.

It was easy enough to tell there was more to what the A.I. ghost had her doing. Something they didn’t want me involved in. Be it secrets or danger.

Valeriy returned, blindly trying to navigate the straight hallway while reading the tablet. Glasses perched on her nose and a blanket draped around her shoulder. The edge of which scraped at the back of my neck as she climbed behind me.

Wrap blanket around neck. Target inca –

Her fingers crossed my vision.

Grab wrist and –

They combed through my hair. Lightly scratching at my scalp. Curling the locks around my ear.

“… _So_ … we’re running low on food,” Valeriy pointed out.

“Sorry,” I apologised. Having ate most of it.

“Bucky, you need to eat. Was just asking if you wanted to make a shopping list.” She handed me her phone with a grin. “Whatever you want. I’ll see if I can get it.”

The side of her head dropped onto my shoulder. I could feel my own tilting towards her. Lightly resting against hers.

I could hear her scrolling on her tablet. From my periphery, all I could make sense of what she was going over were files. Personnel files. Each one of them above the age of fifty from the pictures.

Cinnamon buns.

That was all I could think of when I stared at the phone in my hand.

Pulled pork sandwiches.

Maybe there was something similar to the ones at the park where we met.

Frozen Pepperoni pizza.

Something the A.I. ghost had gotten more often than other things back at the house.

Plums.

Mentioned in the article I was reading.

Cinnamon buns.

I turned to Valeriy to ask what she wanted, but the face on her tablet….

I knew it.

“I know that face.”

‘But from where?’

“You do? Dude’s old as shit. He’s born in the 50s? Yeah, 1953.”

_“I don’t care! I want his son killed in front of him! The bastard should think twice before crossing me again.”_

“Wh-why do you have someone from Hydra on-on your…?”

“…‘Kay. Let me make a note for Eve about that… and this tablet is just files about anyone who’s anybody who might… uhhh request the… services of…. _Yeah_ ….”

There could be more faces I’d recognise in there. People with pull. Someone with enough clearance that I’d see their face.

“You know what, if I recall properly… he should be at one of our stops. On a trip with his grandkids according to their… Twitter…? We can – ”

“No. Whatever you’re thinking, _no_. You’re not going anywhere near this man, Val – ”

“Oh why not? Why is everybody telling me to stay away from them?”

“Hydra’s dangerous! They’re not some game!”

“But – ”

“He’s protected! You’re not going to get anywhere near the man! He’s dangerous!!”

“It’s not like I’m a child.”

“You are, and pouting like that isn’t helping your case.”

She huffed, settling down again and flicking her fingers across the screen. A new picture showed up. A woman. An unfamiliar one.

I grabbed the other tablet. Staring at the black screen.

‘Are they… are they searching for an assassin…?’

Was that why they didn’t want me to be a part of it?

Were they going to use an assassin…?

Trying to shake off the thought, I typed in:

_Foods that improve memory._

Avocados. Dark chocolate. Beets. Blueberries. Strawberries. Acai berries

I added each to the growing list.

“There’s a lot of fruits on this list…” Valeriy said over my shoulder.

“They might help with memory,” I replied, head tilting back at the fingers combing through my hair.

“Hmmm…. Memory, huh? Remind me in a couple of days to ask Amber if she has something in her greenhouse or blends that’d help.”

“Yes please. I’d… like that.”

“I already asked her to help with whatever Hydra did to you…. Huh…? Red and purple oranges?”

“The ones you’re always eating,” I expanded.

“…Those… aren’t oranges, Bucky….”

‘…That explains why I keep getting blood orange instead….’

Whenever I searching them up on Google. The colours were just off. Nothing as brightly colored.

“They’re pros.”

“Pros…?”

“P.R.O. Purple red orange, so PROs. Amber created a mandarin orange based fruit due to my poor eating habits…. We have a bunch of them. A drawer full.”

“…I… may have ate most of them….”

Sixteen of them.

“…How are you not shitting your guts out…? Those can’t be eaten at such vast quantities…. Then again, you’ve got quite the body….”

“Wha-what are they supposed to do?”

“Provide nutrients? All of it? So long as a person eats two or three of those a day, they get everything they need. Just have to take in calories after that.”

“I… I – ”

“Don’t worry about it. If you’re not having stomach problems already, you’re safe, I guess? Five and a half is my limit. Reaction’s immediate.”

“No. There’s only one left….”

“Oh… Oh well. It’ll be fine.”

“But….”

“We’ll be where we need to be soon enough. And my bracelet will let me know when I start fucking up my body again.”

“….”

 

******

 

The red dot on the phone screen had stayed in the same area for the last 28 minutes. Moving around in a serpentine pattern across the block.

8 new bodies joined the park grounds after Valeriy left. None of them had a familiar face to me. Still couldn’t rule out the possibility that a face could have slipped through the cracks of my mind. The memories unreachable. Or no longer there. And they could send those who I’ve never seen after me.

Anybody could be Hydra.

A ring next to me caused me to flinch.

The phone.

Immediately, I followed the instructions on the screen. Dragging my finger across the screen and placing the phone to my ear.

I dare not say anything. Trying to hear what was on the other end.

An array of the same beep from different distances from her phone.

A rustling of what sounds like a thin plastic bag after the loudest beep.

A squeak of a wheel rolling and fading away.

Metal clattering.

Was Valeriy taken?

“Buddy? Hello?”

No stress in her voice. Light and airy, as per usual.

“…Buddy? You there…?”

“…Yes.”

“What do you want for dinner? I checked Google and I’m thinking pizza or… I think it’s Mediterranean…? Either of those sound yum to you? Or I can make another round in Safeway and give spaghetti another shot…?”

With a sigh, I said, “Mediterranean. Anything is fine.”

I can’t even remember what kind of food goes into that category. But it’s something new.

“Alright,” she chirped. “See you in a – _Hey_!”

Stress. I could hear it through that single word.

“I knew it. You _are_ a little cutie, aren’t you? What are you doing hiding such beautiful hair under this ratty old thing?”

My stomach dropped.

A stranger’s voice. Male. Young. Muffled slightly by something. Likely fabric of some sort.

A huff was the loudest thing I could hear. A huff I knew belonged to Valeriy. “I’d like my hat back. Thank you.”

A rustle of fabric sounded much like static over the call.

I could just manage to hear a heartbeat softly speeding up by the second.

“Val-Valentina…?”

“Oh, so cute,” the male cooed. “ _Aww_. Not going to jump some more?”

“Do _not_ throw that hat in the rubbish. It belonged to my dead grandfather.” The lie rolling right out of her with warning.

“Is that a slight accent I hear? Where are you from? How long have you been here? I haven’t seen you around before. I’d definitely know a sweetie like you.”

There was a stutter to the heartbeat before it got louder and everything else more muffled.

“Sorry. Not interested. Hat. Ple – ”

“Hang up and come join my friends and I. You’ll have the time of your life. I promise. We know the best spot to watch the sunset and the best club in the city. I’d enjoy seeing what other sexy tattoos you have.”

“Seriou – Do not touch me.”

“Did I not say to hang u – ”

A couple of beeps and then silence.

“Valentina?” I called out.

Nothing.

“Val!?”

Just silence.

Took a second, but I raced for the cuttlefish octopus skin based mask. Slapping it onto my face. Barely checked I had a face in the reflection before I rushed outside. Keys in hand. Pausing only to lock the motorhome.

The moment eyes were off me, I broke into a full sprint.

1.4 Kilometers away.

And the red dot on the screen wasn’t moving.

The A.I. ghost had showed me how to track the signal coming off the casts she had on her.

I took to the roof tops and stuck to the shadows when nature gave way to buildings. Stole a moped when I spotted one parked in a driveway. Taking the helmet with me.

Too much could happen in seconds. Let alone minutes. But it took minutes to weave through the streets and across the field of shortly trimmed grass.

A sniffle echoed at my ears. Louder than the wind roaring around me.

 _“Becky? Becky, what happened?”_ _my own voice bouncing off the inside of my skull._

_A young girl curled up by the side of her bed. Wrapped up in a winter coat in the sweltering heat. Tears streaming down her cheeks._

_I could almost feel the patch of damp fabric on my chest._

_“Th-the… The construction workers. Th-they were jeering and wouldn’t leave me alone…. What did I do wrong?”_

Something inside twisted at the memory. Speeding over the bridge and ditching the moped at the edge of the parking lot by the water. Ducking behind the nearest car.

The dot was here.

23 cars. 4 bodies. And a large dog tied to a bike rack by the building labeled _Safeway_.

‘Valeriy.’

Walking down the road next to a row of cars. Bags filled to the brim held in both hands. The hat atop of her head. Though her hair flowed down her back. No longer tucked under the hat. Her body language was relaxed. Her limp hidden, walking with her head held high. Looking as if nothing happened. That she hadn’t been dragged away kicking and screaming. Stuffed into the back of a car.

“What part of no do you kids not underst – Bucky?”

The whisper of my name almost silent in the summer breeze.

Her body leaned back against me. Head tipping back. Staring up at me with those gray eyes. But the face wasn’t hers.

“What are you doing here? Did something happen?” she asked. Worry clear in her voice.

“You… you called…?”

Not quite trusting my mind anymore. Could the call have been a hallucination…?

“Was about to call you back once I put the bags in the car.”

Unwrapping myself from Valeriy was a struggle. Taking the bags from her hands was automatic. Stepping away was reflex when she reached for them. All while trying to calm myself from the adrenaline.

Her eyes darted to the side, away from me. Just for a split second. Towards the building behind me.

A glance at the reflection of a car. There was a group of males at the door. Four of them. All dressed similarly, but not uniforms. Muscular, fit but not seasoned fighters.

Not a threat.

The door opened. One of the voices familiar. Matched the one on over the phone.

My own feet took steps towards them. To do what, I couldn’t be sure. Only that something was clawing out from under my skin. That was until a hand wrapped around mine. Tugging gently.

“Okay, now is not the time for sexy intimidation strut.”

“Wha…?

“Let’s get into the car, ‘kay?” she suggested lightly with a soft smile. Her head motioning to a sedan that the A.I. ghost likely set up beforehand.

With the bags in the trunk, Valeriy pulled out of the lot rather hurriedly. She glanced in the rearview mirror before her eyes moved onto me. “Maybe we’ll snack on fruits and cinnamon buns for dinner instead. Sounds yum?”

The car went around a block before returning over the bridge. Heading towards the R.V. park.

No new bruises. No new scratches. She wasn’t physically hurt by them. From what I could make out.

Her eyes weren’t puffier than 42 minutes ago. So they hadn’t made her cry.

Nothing about her seemed disturbed.

“…Thank you, Bucky. For worrying.”

“Are you…?”

“I’m fine. Was more worried for them when you showed up than for your hat when he was hovering it over the rubbish bin,” she joked, removing said hat and slipping it over my head. “I can handle an insecure boy. One who probably can’t keep his hand off his dick for a second even if his life counted on it?”

“….”

‘She’s okay…’ I thought, finally relaxing into the passenger seat. Just as the car parked.

Hearing the trunk pop, I hopped out of the car. Grabbing the groceries and a duffle bag before she could hobble her way there.

“Let me carry something, Bucky. I feel like a useless little shit.”

To which I tossed her the motorhome keys and received Valeriy’s indignant pout. The cuttlefish octopus skin based mask couldn’t hide that expression.

The walk back was quiet. My eyes darting from one face to the next. Searching for something familiar and finding nothing. Caught a couple of kids climbing.

Once inside, Valeriy’s hand rested on metal plates of the arm. “Why don’t you get cleaned up first? I’ll put everything away.”

Glancing down, I saw just how muddy I got my boots and pants. With a quick nod, I hurried to the back, placing the bags down on the counter before closing the bedroom door behind me. A sniff at the clothing, and I decided another shower was needed.

The cool water kept it short. Didn’t want to stay in the cold. But it still washed the stress away with the dirt and sweat stuck to my skin.

The wind from the air conditioning unit made everything colder. Even with clothing on. It cooled the water soaked fabric stuck to my skin. The hoodie helped blocked some of the cold.

The moment I opened the bedroom door, Valeriy started talking over the running water of the sink. “How does dinner in bed and a relaxing movie sound?”

‘Bugs,’ the word popping up in my head on its own.

“Bucky?” Her face peeking out from around the corner. A smile pulling at her lips.

“Hmm? Sure,” I replied, ignoring the thought.

“Let me finish rinsing the fruit and I’ll set up the movie.”

Instinctively, I rolled up my sleeves, pausing when I started on the left one. I didn’t want it to be seen… but she didn’t seem to mind the arm. Still, I made sure to slip into the spot to her left.

With a soft laugh, she shuffled over a step to make room for me at the sink. Which was tiny compared to the one at the house. Not enough room for four hands.

“…I don’t think this is enough food…” I pointed out.

“Got more calories in the freezer.”

I do not like opening the freezer. It’s cold. Even worse with wet hair.

Boxes of frozen pizza laid inside. That should be enough.

Pepperoni. Quattro Formaggi. Pepperoni pesto. Funghi. Pepperoni. Spincaci. Pepperoni.

‘Pepperoni.’ Quickly plucked out from a metal arm’s length away.

“I’m going to go get the movie setup. We can pause and grab the pizza later,” Valeriy chirped over her shoulder, walking to the bedroom with a plateful of baked goods and a couple cans of cola in her arms.

While waiting for the oven to heat up to temperature, I double checked the instructions for how long to leave the pizza inside. The A.I. ghost wasn’t around to tell me when the pizza was done. Thirteen minutes. Six less than the average time I’ve waited on the A.I. ghost’s instructions.

Before I could contemplate on it further, I gathered some of the fruits into my arms. The berries and plums.

Haphazardly tossed in the middle of the freshly made bed was part of our dinner. Valeriy stood in front of a blindingly bright blue television screen, prodding at buttons. Standing back a step and searching the screen in confusion.

“Got no idea where I lost the remote…. This is so much easier to do with Eve controlling everything…. Come on. Settle in, Bucky.”

Stiffly, I perched at the edge of the bed. Food still in hand. The left side. Closest to the door.

“Eve, where have you gone? I need you. Come back to me. We want to watch a movie…” she partially sung to herself. “…Bucky, you’re warming up the fruit….”

Instinctively, my facial muscles pulled towards the spot between my eyes. Disgust filling me. My brain unable to provide a reason for the reaction.

_Warm fruit._

Valeriy climbed onto the bed. “You’re going to – ” Arm wrapping around my torso.

Grab Gerber Yari II under the mattress. Slice throat. Target incapacitated.

“I was going to say that you’d slip off, but it seems I’m a little late on that,” she laughed, backing away and crawling to the foot of the bed. “But seriously, put the fruit down before you heat it up.”

Straightening my legs from the semi squat in my attempt from falling to the floor with her arm, I added the fruits to the pile of food on the bed. I couldn’t risk not being able to stop my reflexes around her, and carefully climbed to the headboard, settling down on the left side. Closest to the door. With the weapon farthest from her.

“So,” she started. Yellow text changing from one word to the next with each click of a button. “We have the option of English audio, or Japanese audio with English subtitles. Do you know Japanese?”

“I have no idea.” I doubt it’d be a skill I learned before….

“Hmmm…. Actually, I don’t feel like reading anymore today. English dub it is.”

With that decided, the screen shifted to a shot of a castle with fireworks around it before another blue screen showed up with a drawing of two rabbits. _Studio Ghibli._

Valeriy buried herself under the pillows and comforter. Holding out a cinnamon bun to me while munching on a handful of strawberries.

Festive music blasted from the speakers all around us as a little white bunny marched across the blue screen. A sack upon its shoulders leaking little white dots in its wake. The dots grew into more bunnies. Nine of them. Morphing with holes in their bellies.

Enjoying the song, I bit into the cinnamon bun. Different from the previous versions she’s brought. This one had more cinnamon than the others.

Two girls and their father moving into an old wooden house. That may or may not be haunted as the girls had suggested when they laid eyes on the building. Soot gremlins.

“I’m going to get the pizza,” I stated when thirteen minutes was up. Shuffling out of the blanket cocoon I ended up in.

“‘Kay,” the young woman chirped from beside me.

With a click, the screen paused on the girl in yellow having found the stairs they’ve been searching for.

Peering into the oven, I realized why the extra six minutes were added. ‘This doesn’t look very golden….’

“Pizza?” Valeriy questioned, coming out of the bedroom. Still munching away. Though this time on a croissant.

“It’s not ready…. Did you….”

“Did I?”

“The kid. The one who lived across the street…. The one with… abusive father….”

“Wondering if he got away from Hydra alright?”

I gave a nod.

‘Is he safe? Is his mom safe? Are they having an easier time traveling than we were? Do they like where they ended up? Is he making friends? Is his mom healing?’

“The last report Eve sent said that they’re at one of the safe houses in England. Last night we were trying to figure out where to place them…. We decided on one of our closed campus community thingies? They’ll be living with two of Eve’s semi dormant Puppets. Both are great fighters and one is medically trained. So the mother will have someone there at all times as she heals. They can stay there as long as they like. It’s a happy home, Bucky, with twins.”

“…Would he get along with them?”

“I believe so? They’re all the same age. The boy’s a little more than shy? But he sticks to his sister like glue and she becomes friends with everything that crosses her path. The kid should be fine there. I’ll make sure they’ll all be in the same class for when school starts up.”

“Is that the same school you went to?”

“I wish. That school’s awesome. I had to go to old schools with well-established histories, and me going to a school we own is kind of a…. It’s not going to look good…” she ended with a shrug of her shoulder.

I couldn’t help but go over her injuries. Remembering how she got each of them. Searching just to be sure she wasn’t hurt trying to buy food. She might not be so lucky next time.

“Have you ever been taught how to fight?”

“I had a self-defence session with Sparks way back when? Broke my fingers in the first hour…. Exams have never been more annoying to write…. And then my schedule got in the way…. The ones at school were just the instructors trying to humiliate the martial artists in class to stroke their egos? I think Devon was going to teach me some things as a date but never got around to it… since we’re forgetful shits.”

“What if I taught you?” I blurted out faster than I could stop the words.

Instead of the offended anger or caution I expected, Valeriy’s eyes, her body language, _everything_ lit up. “Yeah! I’d love to learn!”

“After you’re all healed.”

“Sure!” she chirped, grinning from ear to ear. “And the pizza smells like its burning.”

“Shit.”

 

******

 


	21. Valeriy Ayers - Repeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been beta-ed by Camilla Gordellion, and the Anonymous Second Beta came back to help me rip this apart into something I'm rather content with.

 

******

 

 _‘Left. Left. Left. Left. Ah_ shit _!!!’_

_An explosion to my right threw me left as if I were a ragdoll. Both sides of me burned. The right from searing heat and the left from my skin being scraped off by the bloody ass wall._

_Scrambling onto my feet with the help of the bloody ass wall, I took off down the hallway as fast as I could. No matter how fast my feet pounded the polished tiles, the men in suits only gained on me. The doors in my way were heavy on my arms. Each needed to be pulled, further slowing me down._

_‘…The fuck…? The fuck happened to the Puppet armory!?! Why is it another long ass bloody hallway!?!’_

_No time for dawdling._

_They’re right behin –_

_Agonising pain crashed into my body, my ears heard the crunch of my breaking bones. My knees nearly gave out at the sudden force against the bottom of my feet. My lungs screamed for air but coughs choked the flow._

_To my side was the statue of Sergeant Barnes. Lit up in the night time air of the Genevan courtyard. No walls around me. The fresh air a biting cold on my skin._

_Yelling behind me pulled my attention away from that familiar face. I took off running again, exhaustion taking over the muscles in my legs. My body bounced right off the now revolving main doors. Not matter how hard I shoved at the glass, they only moved achingly slow._

_Cornered, I tore the monitoring bracelet off, blindly entering the code for the explosives. It’d buy me some time. Flinging it as far as I could, I saw it fizzle between the dress shoes of the suits on my tail._

_“Oh bloody hell….”_

_They swarmed me. I couldn’t keep my limbs to myself, feeling them tear away. My skull caved with a loud crack before the glass did._

_Gasping for air, I found myself right next to Sergeant Barnes’ statue. I didn’t wait for the thundering footsteps behind me and ran for the building._

_‘Please be open. Please be open. Please work. Please – YES!!!’_

_The fire escape stairwell worked. Though I lost some seconds to pick the lock._

_If the armory wasn’t where it was supposed to be, I’d just have to find a lab and blow those bastards sky high. The five labs I managed to locate on the first floor were empty of any equipment. Utterly bare._

_Time to check the fifth floor. Where most of the floor plan was dedicated to lab space. Hopefully some luck there._

_I couldn’t be bothered with the steps and climbed onto the railing, hauling myself from floor to floor._

_On the eighth door, I finally hit a lab, which was supposed to be a fucking broom closet. But instead, it’s a fully equipped lab with chemicals and all. Along with a little redhead straight up climbing on the shelves like some monkey._

_“….”_

_“Who are you?!” the kid demanded._

_Ignoring her, I tried to find the button for the lockdown procedure. Except there was no big red button behind a glass box by the door. Or anywhere for that matter. So a chair shoved under the handle would have to do._

_Before I could get working on dragging a shelf in the way of the door, I felt something shatter against the back of my head. Everything spun. I barely dodged another breaker aimed at my face. That would have hurt a hell of a lot more._

_“Hey! Stop that!” I snapped, rubbing at my head to find blood there. “_ Really _not the time.”_

_“You’re not supposed to be here. So who are you?!” Not at all stopping with the rain of beakers._

_“One of the scientists.”_

_“No, you’re not. I know everybody who works here.”_

_“There’s about a hoard worth’s of men about to break in here.”_

_“What?”_

_I plucked her off the floor before she could check and let them all in. My arms felt rather numb from trying to use strength to counteract her struggling, and that’s when it hit me._

_‘I’m dreaming….’_

_I could feel it in my legs now. The slight numbness as I walked around the island counter. It sure explained why H.Q. was empty except for this random kid and those suits. Or how easy, yet numbingly weird, it was to lift the little kid._

_Tossing various chemicals onto the counter behind me, I grabbed a big beaker and a hot plate._

_“Are you_ trying _to blow us up?!”_

_“Eh. Go open the vent, would you?” I asked as I dumped the chemicals together._

_The little kid huffed, bounding off in a different corner than I expected, but that was where the vent cover was._

_‘Navigating this is going to be hell…’ I grumbled in my head._

_Not much was where it was supposed to be. This room was supposed to be a stupid broom closet._

_I flicked on the hot plate, racing into the vent. Not much time before the reaction turns violent._

_The kid had already climbed a distance… on her back using her limbs against the top to push her forwards, which was how I was moving. It saved me from wasting energy to hold myself up._

_A banging against the door echoed into the little space, making my ears ring. I could barely hear the door giving way over a whoosh of flames. The little kid screeched as searing pain danced across my own nerves._

_‘Oh come on! At least have realistic reactions, damn it!’_

_That explosion wasn’t supposed to be so damn fiery._

_With a sigh, I ran into the building again, going straight for the lab with the kid._

_This time I forewent the explosives, and closed the vent grate behind me. The kid wasn’t moving fast enough with her little limbs, and most definitely wasn’t enjoying the shoves I gave her. Should have just gone first and had her hang onto my leg to drag her along._

_But we didn’t have time to switch places._

_They were coming. The metal sheets rumbled with their movements, getting closer and closer._

_“Move it!” I barked, only to scramble over the ninety degree drop I shoved the kid down._

_‘This is the second floor! Why is there a long ass chute here? To go to hell?! What the actual fuck!?!’_

_It wasn’t as long of a drop as I thought._

_‘So it’s one of these dreams…’ I thought, waiting to die and respawn, as how these types of dreams seemed to always go._

_Still was strange to feel the warmth leave me and the little kid struggling about. Shouldn’t be too long to die, and it came with a body dropping onto my face._

_This time I didn’t bother with the fifth floor, climbing the railings as high as I could go. That was until bullets started to fly. I had to take the stairs normally, keeping close to the walls. Didn’t feel like more bullet holes than the one in my upper thigh._

_With a deep breath in, I tried to take flight or run on air or pull on the air so I didn’t have to physically run up these damn steps. My attempt ended up with a strong leap straight into a wall, a broken nose and a missing front tooth. At least now could just jump my way up._

_‘…Fuck… I might actually need the kid,’ I thought, staring at a biometric lock to the roof. She seemed to belong here better than I did, so she could probably open this up. ‘Oh hi bullet. Thank you. Mind hitting me in the head nex – ’_

_‘This time, grab the kid.’_

_“Who are you?!”_

_“A friend.”_

_‘Nope. The horde’s too fast to go back to the stairwell.’_

_“Who are you?!”_

_“A friend.”_

_‘At least, I’m lucid enough for super strength now,’ I thought, denting the elevator doors under my fingers as I pried them open. The little jump I tried did nothing for remembering how to fly in a dream._

_“Hang on to my back. Do_ not _let go.”_

_With a leap for the elevator cables, my hands turned bloody as I was unable to stop our descent straight onto a metal beam that stuck upwards for some fucked up reason or another._

_“Who are you?!”_

_“A friend.”_

_This time I worked around the edge, climbing what I could. Mostly made my own hand holds by denting the shit out of the I-beams and cutting the fuck out of my fingers for the effort._

_‘Did she just…. Did she just slip the bloody hell off my shoulders!?!?!’_

_With a huff, I let go, diving head first right for the metal spike. Dying slow would just be annoying._

_“Who are you?!”_

_“Shut up,” I snapped, tying her hands around my shoulders._

_She shoved her pointy little knee against my spine near the base of my neck. Her hands tucked under my chin, the pressure getting tighter and tighter._

_And I died._

Again _._

_This time from being strangled to death by the little brat._

_“Who are you?!”_

_“Friend.”_

_This time the elevator moved straight for us._

_‘Did I seriously get caught up in the gears?!’_

_“Who are you?!”_

_“Friend.”_

_‘Yay!! Reached the top bloody floor!!!’_

_And even managed to rip the elevator doors right off. It made a wonderful bat to crush the suits who lingered in my way._

_“Go open the roof door,” I ordered the little brat._

_I had no idea why, but it felt like it was where I had to go._

_A grenade later, I was standing next to Sergeant Barnes_ again _._

_‘What if…?’_

_A shrug later, I turned away from H.Q. and raced for the woods, which seemed normal at the moment but I had a faint memory that they were supposed to be buildings in Geneva not trees. A grin tugged on my lips. No thundering steps of the suits._

_In. The. Clear._

_Until a growl caught my ears._

_‘Ah shit…. Was worth the shot,’ I sighed, tugging on my leg that a tree root was trying to take away, and then got torn to pieces by a pack of hellish canines and the moving tree roots._

_“Who are you?!”_

_“Friend.”_

_And the cycle continued on and on and on._

_‘Damn shit. Did I fucking spawn in a couple inches of water? Face down. And unable to move!?!’_

_No matter how I struggled my body would not move. My arms felt numb and heavy. My legs… couldn’t feel them. Only my eyes could move as my lungs slowly filled with water._

_‘You have to be bloody shitting me!!!’_

_This was the exact position I was sleeping in. On my stomach with my head turned to the side._

_‘At least the view’s nice…?’_

_Looked like I was drowning in some fancy school fountain feature. The little wall holding the water was within arm’s reach._

_Best part was the line of students in front of me. They just stood there, staring._

_‘Damn shit. I don’t remember how to breathe underwater…. Hopefully I don’t spawn here again…. Oh this isn’t much better.’_

_I wasn’t in a fountain and I could move this time. But I was utterly underwater. I swam for the surface. Or at least the light. Had no clue which direction that was._

_My brain struggled to remember whatever the dream trick to breathing underwater was as I drowned again. And again. And again. Appearing further and further away from the patch of light._

_‘Hey Sergeant,’ I saluted the familiar statue and gunned it for the building._

_Almost felt like autopilot now. Grabbing the little kid. Prying the elevator doors. Climbing the mess of sharp metals. And dying again to repeat the process. Over and over and over._

_That was until I died and didn’t pop up at some point of the dream. I was still running in the same damn hall on the top floor. Though this time everything was bigger, taller._

_‘Oh shit, I jumped into the kid.’_

_And I was on my own with the suits still on my tail._

_With my little short legs pattering their desperate little steps. With my little arms reaching high up to open such heavy doors. With my little lungs gasping what little air I so desperately needed._

_I didn’t have a clue as to where to go either. I’ve never survived this far. This was all new. The halls looked familiar but the layout was closer to an ever-changing maze._

_“This way!” a woman yelled and I turned the corner for her only to come face to face with myself._

_My adult body towered over me. A flowing purple dress and hair done up flawlessly. The smile on my face made my veins run ice._

_A gut reaction had me kicking out. An attempt to create distance from her as fast as I could. But not fast enough. A blade sliced right across my stomach._

_Gathering what was spilling out, I ran for it. Or tried to. Hobbling was a closer description. The pain almost too much to keep going, but I had to._

_“How far do you think you can run!?” she laughed, her voice seemingly coming from every direction._

_I knew I couldn’t out run her. The vents weren’t an escape option. She moved far faster than I could in there._

_I couldn’t hide from her. There wasn’t enough time. Her eyes never left me._

_There was nothing I could do. She closed the distance between us more and more with every leisured step she took._

_‘Come on! Fly!_ Please _!! Or float! Just get out of her bloody reach!!!’_

_A stab to my lower back brought me to my knees. But I had to keep moving. Even if one hand had to hold my guts in place. Even if I had to shuffle forwards, little by little, on the other hand. Even if I had to hold myself high enough so the sword wouldn’t drag against the tiles._

_Her footsteps a series of clicks from her high heels as she drew closer and closer and closer._

_“No matter how long you run. No matter how far you run. You can’t escape me.”_

_But still I tried, doing whatever I could. Even if it wasn’t much. I didn’t want to give up._

_“Did you trip again?” punctuated with an exasperated laugh, a hand clasping around mine and pulling me up right._

_‘Devon?’_

_“We’re going to be late for the midterm.”_

_‘Huh? Midterm?’_

_My feet followed after his. My hand still held in his. My height a lot closer his._

_A glance down and I was back to my body. A glance around and the H.Q. halls weren’t there. We were outside under a covered bridge._

_This wasn’t my university. Either of them._

_This wasn’t any place I knew._

_The architecture a clash of east meets west. The castles were built half into and half atop of two summits, clouds obscuring parts of them. They even poured onto the bridge._

_‘I wonder if we can pull something off like this in real life. Probably have some sort of oxygen problem.’_

_I dare not make a move that Devon didn’t lead. It’s how he worked in my dreams. Peace. He was the peace in the mayhem. So long as I don’t make a move on my own._

_‘…I guess we’re dating in this dream…. Been a long while since that popped up,’ I thought, the panic of writing a midterm for who knows what sinking into my nerves. ‘_ Why _am I still dreaming of school…?’_

_The temptation of dragging my feet was difficult to contain. But I knew the moment I do, Devon would go missing on me, and the mayhem of my dreams will take over. Probably in the form of a nonsensical exam._

_“What do you want to do after the midterm?” he asked over his shoulder, still pulling me along through the crowd of people._

_‘Try to fly? This place would be so much easier to explore in the air. Hopefully the wind doesn’t fuck with me.’_

_Someone bumped into my arm and I instinctively clutched down on Devon’s hand, but it was gone._

_My eyes darted from the back of one head to the next, searching. Anxiously. He was easy enough to recognise for me. I could still recognise him in a disguise. All I needed was his posture or the way he moved. But nope. He was nowhere to be seen._

_‘Great. I have no shits as to where the exam is….’_

_And so I meandered the halls of this future meets past building, just trying to find my way. Maybe I’d stumble across the exam room._

_“_ Sweetie _.”_

_‘No….’_

_The strength in my body just left me. I couldn’t use it. My lungs stopped breathing. My knees didn’t even work, collapsing from under me._

_“I’ve missed you so much, Sweetie.”_

_‘Please no. I can’t. I… I….’_

_All I could do was curl into a tight ball on the ground. Hug my head and hope he couldn’t see me. I couldn’t even flinch away from the searing pain blooming across my back. I could barely breathe through the choking gasps, trying to get my crying under control. But I couldn’t._

_‘I can’t. I can’t. Ican’t.Ican’t.Ican’tIcan’tIcan’t.’_

_The terror running rampant through my body froze me in place. To whatever he wanted to do._

_“There you are.”_

_‘…Devon…?’_

_The sounds of footsteps all faded away except for one. The beat familiar to me as it came to a stop right by me. Then a pair of hands picked my head off the ground, a warm calf tucking under my forehead._

_Fingers combed through my hair. A gentle pat on my head. A stroke down my back. The world melting away at his touch._

_“I swear one of these days, I’m going to turn around and find that you’ve actually tripped into a ditch.”_

_I wanted to reach out, grab onto him. But I dared not move. I didn’t want to risk him disappearing again._

_It’s safe with him._

_Peaceful._

_I want to stay here._

_‘Please let me stay.’_

_Where nothing else mattered._

_Just the gentle touch on my head._

_The fear melted away at his fingertips._

_I could almost see the exasperated smile on his face._

_But my head hit the ground before I could…._

_‘Well fuck….’_

_I peeled myself off my side with a sigh._

_‘This isn’t the school anymore. Where the bloody hell am I now…? Feels like a facility of some sort.’_

_Cold metal walls. Shiny polished floors. Wire windowed doors. Long ass hallways._

_‘Yay… more running and shit._ Fun _.’_

_I scrambled to my feet and almost broke out laughing at the old movie set ninja after me. That was until a katana sliced into the back of my calves._

_I grabbed onto the top edge of the doorframe and sent my knee into their face, feeling the crunch of a broken nose. Using the momentum of the attack to try and slip behind him, I felt something almost too familiar._

_‘Oh? Yes! Muwhahahaha! I can fly!!!’_

_Perfect for how useless my legs were at the moment._

_With a twist of my body, I half flew – half floated down the hall, searching for a way out. The mechanics of it all was more than shaky. Mind numbingly so. Felt a little like swimming through the air, but without so much flailing about._

_‘Huh… this is an aquarium now…? And I have no clue how to land.’_

_No matter how I tried, swimming, pulling, huffing, I stayed in the upper half of the room. My feet seemed to be lighter than my shoulders which didn’t help at all._

_‘So much for blending in. At least I’m not bleeding a fountain.’_

_Just a simple trickle, especially for how my calf muscles were barely hanging onto my legs…._

_‘I’ll be waking soon I guess.’_

_If I’m lucid enough to fly._

_“Valeriy?”_

_“Bucky?!”_

_‘Oh god. Hahahaha. You look like you’ve just shot a Herbal Essences commercial! What the flying fuck brain?’_

_His hair was so much thicker and extremely shiny._

_“What happened to your legs?”_

_Worry so clear on his beautiful face. He even started hopping about trying to grab a leg down._

_‘Awww. Pretty sure they’re beyond help, Bucky.’_

_“Ran into a ninja?” I answered, glancing behind me. “Still after me…. Yeah still after me.”_

_Bucky grabbed onto my dangling hand, booking it through the building._

_‘This sure beats being a sack of potatoes.’_

_“Oh shit. There’s more of them,” I pointed out._

_Once outside, I wrapped my arms around him and took to the air. Or at least tried to. The man was so heavy and my flying rather wobbly. But we escaped the ninja horde._

_‘Now I’m in Hong… Kong…?’_

_Mostly just had the feel of it and skyscrapers on an island. Other than that, the skyline was utterly off and some of the bridges shot up into the clouds._

_‘Thank fuck I’m not driving….’_

_Preferred the dreams with a lot of death over the driving ones._

_Bucky’s laughter pulled me out of my head. “This is amazing.”_

_Just to humour him, I forced myself to fly higher._

_“It’s the food truck.”_

_“What?”_

_I floated downwards and it was the food truck at the D.C park. The very same one. Even had a bench nearby._

_In no time at all, we were seated down with amazing smelling pulled pork sandwiches in hand. Bucky on the left. Me on the right._

_He already wolfing down his sandwich._

_I happily peeled back the wrapping of mine and opened my mouth._

‘….’

It’s quiet, which meant Bucky wasn’t driving. Likely asleep now, so best not to disturb him.

‘Can I sleep some more…?’

Blindly, I reached for my phone, half praying for it to be a couple hours to midnight. With the phone tucked under the blanket, I checked the time with a barely opened eye.

11:48.

‘Twelve minutes before I have to get up…. Fuck….’

But I didn’t want to get up. I just wanted to lie here in bed and maybe go back to sleep. Or not.

‘Hmmm… no new messages.’

Nothing from Eve.

The pounding headache was far from pleasant. Too much to do nothing about it. I needed a bottle of water. Probably two.

‘Why the fuck is my pillow wet…? Oh right. _He_ showed up….’

Moving as smoothly as I could so not to wake Bucky, I sat up and flipped the pillow over. Silent steps were a little tricky with a foot wrapped in metal, but if I stayed on my toes, it worked well enough. Though my ankle was rather disagreeable.

‘I hope I never run into him again.’

Deep down, I knew I could very well turn into a crying ball of uselessness. It wouldn’t be a matter of my mind having mercy on me to escape….

It’s almost a joke how my thumb navigated on its own, going through my phone to my contacts. To the one contact codenamed: _Boston Cream_.

I couldn’t call him. I shouldn’t even message him. And yet his contact information was blinding my eyes in the dim lighting of the room.

That was until I tripped over something harder than the mattress and softer than a fucking coffee table. The bedroom door on the other hand wasn’t softer than the fucking coffee table.

Dart thingy in drawer. Pew pew in cabinet. Stabby thing under mattress.

“Bucky?!” I gasped, feeling a gun barrel pressed into my stomach. Ignoring the throbbing pain in my right hand was harder than usual… with all the blood rushing down to it after whacking it on basically everything within reach.

I quickly slid the knife to the other side of the room and showed him my empty hands while trying to balance on an elbow. My left hand quickly fixed my shirt before it could slip up anymore, holding it in place. The toes of my right foot desperately clinging to a cabinet handle, pulling and pushing in directions that hopefully wouldn’t open it and send my knee straight into that beautiful face.

“Not going to hurt you,” I assured softly.

“Val-Valeriy?” he called out sounding so very lost.

“Yup. That’s me. Valeriy.”

“I – I’m sorry.”

Bucky almost violently retreated as if trying to sink into the bed frame. His foot landed against the door a little too close to my head while he tried to back up even more. His hand hid the dart gun inside his hoodie. Away from sight.

“It’s okay. I tripped on you. My fault. I’m fine.” Couple of bruises at most. And maybe far too much blood rushing to my head. “Mind giving me a hand? This isn’t exactly comfortable….”

His flesh and blood arm reached out to me, very unsure as what to do. Until the cybernetic hand joined in, fingers lightly wrapping around my waist. He lifted me up, easing my weight off my arms.

Cautiously, I let my cramped toes rest from trying to hold me up. I didn’t tip in any direction. Even when I made a slight move to the right to land in the little walk way between the bed and shelves, but he corrected it.

‘Where…? Where am I going…?’ I wondered, curling up into a ball as he continued to lift me into the air.

Never in my life have I ever sat down more gently than how Bucky placed me on the bed behind his head. The bed dipped under my ass at his slow pace but I didn’t sink or bounce when he let go of my sides.

Almost instinctively, I wrapped my limbs around him, pausing when he froze up. Took a couple of seconds before he relaxed a tad, and I dragged my fingers over his scalp. His soft hair did wonders for frayed nerves, though not as much as how he seemed to melt at the touch now.

“…Are you hurt…?” he asked in a small voice.

“I’m fine. You?”

“Just startled….”

“Was trying not to disturb your sleep. Pretty sure I failed that?”

Mindlessly, I finger combed his hair into a cute little ponytail. My brain bumping around through the headache, trying to figure out how to word the burning question that hung between us.

“…Would you mind sharing with me as to why you’re sleeping in this tiny space on the floor?”

Between the door, the bed, the built in nightstand and the built in shelf. A space far smaller than the cramped compartment in the freezer truck, minus the low ceiling. Not enough room for him to even stretch his long legs.

“Bucky?” I called out when there was no reply. “If there’s too many pillows on the bed, we can remove them.”

“…Safer this way.”

“…Safer….”

I couldn’t help myself with pulling him into a hug. Though it was mostly just his head that I clung to.

His hand came up, carefully wrapping around the ankle of my right leg that was draped over his shoulder. Just holding it in his hand. His head tilted to the side, hair tickling my thigh.

I could almost see it carved into the way Bucky tensed.

That he slept here in hopes that if someone were to enter, he’d wake before the second door opened. Just maybe the vibrations of a person moving would be enough.

That he slept here in hopes that if he had a particularly nasty nightmare, he’d wake before I got hurt. Just maybe he’d stumble before he reached me.

That he slept here in hopes that if Hydra showed up, he’d wake before they snatched him away. Just maybe he could slip into the shadows before they could even see him.

Or I was just reading into it too much and he just _really_ disliked beds. He did sleep next to the bed at the safe house too. But his room had carpet.

“Would you be willing to try the bed while I drive?” I hedged.

Bucky merely straightened up his posture, as if he were bracing for an attack that he didn’t want to react to.

‘I’ll take that as a _I really don’t want to_ then.’

“…Would you be… opposed…? To making this little area… more comfy?”

“…No,” he responded, his hand dropping away from my leg.

I unraveled from being wrapped around him, tugging lightly upwards from under his arms until he stood up on his own. I quickly gathered all the fluffy blankets in the room and a few pillows, shooing Bucky to stand to the side.

A few folded blankets to pad the floor. Pillows lined the edge, covering any cabinet handles and shelves. Another pillow was sandwiched between the nightstand and shelf, hopefully it’d provide some neck support for him.

“…You don’t have to do this,” he mumbled while I was in the middle of covering the pillows in another fluffy blanket.

“You’re not sleeping on the bloody hard floor. I’ll turn on the heated flooring too. Now get in here so I can wrap you up in blankets as well.”

Wordlessly, he sat down, the dart gun tucked under his leg. His brow rose when I shoved a pillow at his torso.

“Hug that,” I said, going about piling blankets over him and tugging corners from under his arms as tightly as I could. Once happy with my makeshift swaddling job I asked, “Can you move your arm to the gun?”

A shift under the blankets later, I received a nod from him.

“Comfy?” I queried, when there was nothing more I could add besides the duvet and the rest of the pillows. Not all too sure that would fit. The little space was rather full of Bucky and fluffy things at the moment.

He gave a small nod, snuggling down inside. “Thank you….”

I tucked a lock of his hair behind his ear. “Good night, Bucky.”

“Where are you going?” His hand popped out, grabbing onto mine.

“Driving for the next few hours.”

“I can drive if you don’t want to.”

‘Oh don’t tempt me like that.’

I’d stay in bed forever if I could get away with it.

I pulled a big smile, my thumb rubbing across his knuckles. “There’s barely any cars at this time. I’ll be fine. Sweet dreams, Bucky,” I said, closing the door behind me.

‘I need water….’

The pounding headache felt like hooks yanking on the tips on my ears. Almost got water up my nose from how fast I tried to chug a bottle down.

_“Sweetie.”_

Difficult to silently choke on water, coughing it out in spurts over the sink. Didn’t want to disturb Bucky.

‘NOPE!’

_“Sweetie, I got you a gift.”_

‘Nope. Nope. Nope. Stay out of my head.’

I desperately tried to pack away the memories or throw them out, curling up beside the counter. It never worked. Couldn’t block out that voice by covering my ears, but that didn’t stop me from trying.

All the while, I tried to stop the bile from trying to escape my stomach. My throat wanting so badly to gag. But I couldn’t throw up without Bucky picking up on this mess.

_“Did you miss me, Sweetie?”_

I flicked on the faucet to the coldest setting and shoved my head under. The freezing water helped me in my attempt to ignore the fear clawing up from between my shoulder blades.

_“Sweetie, why won’t you do this for me?”_

‘He’s not here. He’s not here.’

_“Don’t you love me?”_

‘You’re not going to try and stuff yourself into a closet so you’re fine, you fucking idiot.’

_“I love you so much, Sweetie.”_

‘You’re fine. You’re fine. You’re fine.You’refine.You’refine.You’re fineYou’re fineYou’refine.’

Eventually, I found myself staring at the phone. Screen on Devon’s contact information. _Again_.

‘Don’t call him. You’re fine. You’re totally fine.’

I quickly flicked away from his contact and navigated my way over to Eve’s chat.

‘No new messages…. I hope you found the kid you’re looking for….’

With couple of deep breaths with Bucky’s voice counting down in the back of my head, I got up from under the table I somehow managed to crawl under. Stretching out all my sore muscles, I plucked the mask sheet off the table and pressed it to my face. Paranoia helped keep me safe before. I headed to the driver’s seat to get us further along this road trip of ours.

 

******

 

‘I need more money to do all this. I’ll have to pick up a few more clients….’

Slamming the laptop shut, I flopped back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. All those missing children posters still burned into the back of my eyes. I needed to calm my fidgeting. There was nothing I could do about the situation until Eve found the damn kid she wants so badly. Still, I wish there was just something I could do.

‘…I wonder if I can convince Gramps to foot the bill for this…. Oh we’re here.’

Unfolding from the pillows surrounding me, I slammed the laptop shut and hobbled out of the bedroom over to Bucky.

He was just frozen there, in the middle of the hall, staring out one of the side windows.

Not liking the feeling twisting in my gut, I quietly opened a drawer, the one filled with utensils and a gun at the back. One loaded with bullets. Silently, I made my way over to the still frozen young man.

“Hmm…. Sexy – The hell?” I questioned when a warm hand smacked over my eyes.

His cybernetic arm wrapped around my waist, lifting me up since his right hand refused to leave my face even when I tugged on it.

“Bucky?”

Pretty sure he’s tucking me back into the bedroom, where there were no windows that faced in the direction he didn’t want me looking at.

“I’ve always wondered what it’d be like to spin around super fast with watermelon sized tits. Would I get flung off balan – mmph…?”

His hand moved from my eyes to silence my mouth. His pinky hooked under my jaw to keep my teeth clamped shut.

At the bright red cheeks in front of me, I broke down into laughter. Even the little tip of his ear peeking through his hair was pink. I couldn’t stop the giggles, and it hurt to keep going. My ribs and abs didn’t like the strain.

When I finally freed my mouth from his grip, I lightly chimed out, “It’s just a paint job, Bucky.”

“But… but it’s….”

“A painting of a naked woman riding a horse? What has you all twisted up in a knot?”

The corners of his lips tipped so far downwards.

‘I wonder if he remembers coming across provocative pictures before…. It’s not that different.’

Then again I had the sinking feeling that it wasn’t him seeing such a thing, but rather the fact that the van’s paint job was so out in the open for anybody to see.

‘Swim suits were different back then… right…?’

“You… you shouldn’t… shouldn’t…? It’s not…. It’s not…?”

His brows furrowed, confusion blooming across his face. Those bright blue eyes stared at me so helplessly lost.

‘Oh you don’t know why you dragged me away from the van, do you…?’

“Paint jobs like that are still frowned upon. It exposes children to images the average parent isn’t comfortable with having their kids seeing or some shit. This one’s not so bad? I remember seeing one with her legs spread to the side with the sun beaming out of her v – ”

Again, Bucky’s hand slapped over my mouth. A shrug from me later, he sent a baffled expression my way from staring at his hand.

I stuck my tongue out again and he reflexively held his hand to his chest, looking quite protective of it.

“I’ll stop teasing,” I said, giving in with a grin. “Some billboard ads aren’t much better than basically naked women either. Sex sells?”

Bucky sighed before his head tilted for my hand. “…The Five seveN?”

“The gun?” I held it, out to him, handle first. “I thought you spotted some Hydra asshat? And darts don’t do too well with a piece of glass in the way?”

I followed after him as he placed the gun back in its assigned place.

“You’re fine with seeing _that_?” Bucky questioned, glancing out the window again.

“Not a single fuck given.”

Honestly, the blondie on the white horse was rather epic. Except for her boobs. Those things were more than likely to punch her the fuck out if the horse decided to make a jump.

When I spotted a group of kids running straight for the van, I barely managed to grab onto the back of Bucky’s shirt.

“Maybe don’t go covering kids’ eyes? They might think you’re trying to kidnap them or something shit.”

“But they’ll see it,” he practically whined, anxiously shifting his weight from one foot to the other. His feet managed to move inch by inch towards the door with each shift. Made me wonder if my finger would give out before the seams of his shirt from how much it stretched. His muscles tensed the closer the kids got to the van.

“Yeah, but we don’t need a bunch of paranoid parents on us. Kids are on a tight leash nowadays and “stranger danger” became a thing. So… maybe stay away from kids in general? Unless they’re physically in trouble. Then have at it?”

I poked at the button for the blackout shades, still hanging onto Bucky whose muscles were wound tighter than a spring.

“Come on, beautiful.”

“Huh – ”

“Let’s google some breakfast place for takeout. Maybe the best cinnamon buns in Saskatoon?”

That had him perk up, going for the tablet.

‘And we’re safe from crazy parents. _Yay…_.’

“There’s a place ten kilometers away,” Bucky pointed out on the map. “I’m coming along.”

“….”

Between Bucky trying to save some kid’s innocent eyes and my plans in Saskatoon, I was stuck as what to do.

‘The Safeway thing yesterday must have bothered him a lot more than I thought…. Shit.’

“I won’t hurt anybody. I won’t touch anyone,” he tried.

“That’s not a problem, Bucky. I already know you’re not going to hurt people.”

‘But I don’t want you to find out I’ve been pilfering cars this whole time…. Or being there when I break into one of the Puppet’s safe houses to bug Eve about her search for the kid. Nor can I risk you finding out about said kid she’s been looking for. You’re probably going to go all one man army on the trafficking ring… and the monsters on that tablet for using…. Shit, I can’t even say that I need someone to keep an eye on the motorhome.’

It’d be a lie. Eve and I had set up a buzzer alert on the bracelet for anyone in this thing if they’re not wearing one of my bracelets.

“There’s still food left. I didn’t eat much last night…. There’s still a box of cinnamon buns…. You don’t… you don’t have to go.”

This man was definitely part puppy….

Those big blue eyes…. They erase the concept of no.

“I would get to sleep faster,” I contemplated, having stayed up for the past six hours or so since midnight. “Alright. I’m down with resting my ankle.”

The stress and tension melted right out of Bucky. Spine straightened out. Shoulders pulled back. Practically bouncing on his heels around the kitchen area.

‘He should just keep this posture. It’s prettier,’ I thought, as I wandered over to the dining table only to end up tripping.

Tripped on the very thing I’ve been ignoring since I picked it up at the last drop. Maybe I should have spent a little time tucking the handles of the duffle bag safely away. Instead, it’s now in my face. Or to be literal, wrapped around my foot.

With a frown, I opened the damn duffle bag. At the top of the heavy bag sat a wine red envelope. I plucked it out while a particular person hovered over me.

“You worry too much, Bucky.”

“Sometimes I feel that if I turn my back, you’d somehow end up hurt… or worse.”

“You’re not the only one in that boat. I have no clue why people think that.”

Bucky stared down at me as if telepathically trying to tell me the why.

Message not received.

Still just as clueless.

And he gave up in the span of a few seconds. “…Does she have more work for you?”

“They always have work for me…. Just needed a break last night… and this letter is from my brother.”

I hadn’t heard from him since Eve had us go underground at the start of April and I wasn’t expecting to hear back from him either. With a shrug, I unfolded the letter and settled down at the table, reading as the smell of toast permeated the motorhome.

‘At least it’s short?’

Written in the flowing petals of Dahlia. For our eyes only.

_Why do I have a sinking feeling that you’ve gotten yourself in a bit of trouble, Cookie Dough?_

_More trouble aside from the potential shit storm with Cupcakes and Cinnamon Bun. None of us need a repeat of the Alps again. Imagine what he would he do for the living chunk of him? Probably anything. Which is everything being that he is fucking Cupcakes. None of us would be able to stop him._

_We can’t risk him leaving Geneva. Ayers made too many enemies for him to leave the secure area we made for him. It would only be a matter of time before they come for him. We can only cover for him for his absence so long. If something happens to Cupcakes… everything will fall apart._

_You need to bring Cinnamon Bun in._

_Cupcakes’ going to be so mopey with us for not telling him. You know how much he loves him. The both of them. Doesn’t help that you already stopped him from flocking to Apple Pie. You’re not going to be able to stop him with Cinnamon Bun._

_Food for thought. How is he even alive? We’ve tested the D.N.A. of all the bones we found. I just reran the tests again and they matched to the hair on his comb from last century, and a familial match to his sisters, all three of them. It’s him. Those bones are his. Then again, we’ve only managed to find arm bones._

_Is he a one armed, old ancient man stuck in bed? Is that why you haven’t been able to bring him in? Or did he somehow pull an Apple Pie without the Super Soldier Serum? Where has he been this whole time?_

_I’m rather tempted to peek at Eve’s files, but I shouldn’t on the off chance Cupcakes catches me or I leave some trail for him to follow. Contact me when you get the chance. I want to know._

_Now, your request to adjust the chains, it’s been done. Who I’m going to assume is Cinnamon Bun isn’t going to be puppeted about by Eve anymore. I was tempted to change and add a couple of things, but I do see some loopholes in your wording. I don’t know what exactly it is you need, so everything is done exactly as you wrote it._

_As for Mochi attending the symposium in Dublin, I have her covered. Don’t stress over your poor timing. Nothing will happen to her. Yes, I did hear about the talk Dr. Cho is giving on printing flesh. I’ll be attending virtually, so fret not about me going rogue on you._

_Everyone will be safe for when you return to your post. Until then, stay safe._

_Once you return, I will be joining the expedition in the Sahara. We have another lead on the Smurfs. If you’re up for it, you should join us. It’s been some time since we explored ruins together._

_Do reach out to me before things get out of hand again. There never was supposed to be a last time._

_You’re not alone,_

_– Chocolate Orange Peel._

_P.S. I figured you’d be on a road trip or on the railway, so I sent this off with an updated version of an old surprise._

‘An old surprise…?’

“Oh! Did he send the thingy!? Please be the thingy!”

As I dug through the duffle bag, I had the small inkling that Bucky may or may not have caught me by the back of my shirt on my way down.

“Another phone?” Bucky asked, staring at the same model phone as ours but in a much clunker case.

“Just looks like a phone. It’s been mostly gutted.”

“Like how the Puppet weapons look the same as regular ones.”

“Yeah. Let’s us slide by without anyone asking questions for the special tech we don’t bring to market.”

“So what does this do?”

“A camera. Takes special photos,” I grinned, standing behind him and holding the phone out in front of us. “Welcome to the age of selfies, Bucky.”

“Was that…? You can’t have a picture of me on that. They’ll find – ”

“It’s all good,” I stated lightly, scratching at his scalp to calm him some. “We use it for private photos. We didn’t want anyone to stumble across a photo of people close to us. Friends. Significant others. We didn’t want to put them in danger. So this camera came to be. Doesn’t have online capabilities, so it can’t be remotely hacked. The memory cache where the photos are stored is routinely cleaned. Unless you store it in the other one for later use. So it’s safe to use.”

Searching the surroundings, I snapped another photo. This time of Bucky’s choice of breakfast, a bowl of neatly diced fruits.

“It works by hiding one image in another via a 25 character code. ‘ _321 Bucky’s first selfie._ ’ will be the code of this one. Then you print it like so.”

While that was spitting a photo out of the case, I searched for the last part of this system. A rather thick piece of glass. Tapping on the edge, I quickly scrolled through the numbers and alphabet to match the code.

“This thing keeps an entered code for about ten minutes…?” I said, laying it over the photo.

The bowl of diced fruits turned into a photo of our faces. My smiling face and Bucky’s adorably lost looking face.

When his fingers hesitantly moved towards the camera disguised as a phone, I half placed it in his hands.

“Have at it. The duffle bag’s full of the film and there’s more where we’ll be staying.”

“What’s a selfie?” was the first question out of his mouth.

“Taking a picture of yourself. Flip the camera to the front, then stick your arm out and snap a photo. Selfies aren’t the only pictures to take. Landscapes. Animals. People…. _Food_ …? Anything. Can slip them in the pages of your journals too. Whatever you want, Bucky.”

“Whatever I want….”

“And there’s a normal photo option – Haha, ‘kay. Go for it,” I said without needing to slap on a smile.

I was already grinning ear to ear at the puppy eyed look he sent my way, his fingers nervously clinging onto the camera. The little tilt of the camera lens towards my face was all I needed to know what he wanted.

Bucky snapped a picture and then of my half eaten toast, quickly navigating the program and printing out a photo.

For some reason or another, he felt the need to hide a picture of the one whole cinnamon bun he had left.

‘…Harder to take away something from somebody when you don’t know what to take….’

 

******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super curious if anyone else has the whole dying and respawning thing in their dreams. I haven't come across anyone else who actually felt themselves die since they wake up before that happens. (The adrenaline from that should wake a person up.)
> 
> Val's style of dreaming is based off of mine. Bucky's are based off of a friend of mine.
> 
> Let me know how your dreams are. It's something I'm curious about.


	22. Valeriy Ayers - Kitchen Sink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was beta-ed by the anonymous second beta.
> 
> (Nov 1st, 2017 Edit: Sooooo, I just learned that uptalk is a thing.....  
> Val's ? is her speaking in questions. She's either confused, completely unsure or sarcastic as fuck. )

  

 

******

 

“Still okay?” I asked Bucky, watching him carefully while trying to use his body to block the bright lights of the eyewear store behind him.

Those blue eyes seemed to assess each and every person in our surroundings. The entire food court at my back. From the feel of it, he’s more stressed now than when Hydra was closing in. He’ll tire at this rate.

“Let me know if it gets uncomfortable,” I added. “We’ll head back, and I can pop by later for groceries.”

“V-Val, I can handle this much,” he huffed stubbornly, stress leaning just a hair’s width into annoyance for a breath. Annoyance at my constant checking in since we stepped foot into West Edmonton Mall, and his stumbling with my alias, Valentina, which he just shortened to what basically everyone else calls me.

With a shrug, I stole another couple of fries from the massive spread of fast food items between us. At least one from every place in the food court. Whatever I felt like getting, eat my fill and Bucky would finish the rest… somehow. That was his idea and at the rate the food was disappearing, he’d probably manage before the food got too cold.

‘Probably shouldn’t be filling him with fast food…’ now that I thought about it. ‘I should probably get healthier foods at T&T…?’

“What’s next?” Bucky asked, munching on the last of the foods. Chips coated with cinnamon sugar.

“There’s a fun candy shop here, if I remember. Probably still around. Wouldn’t mind some sugar to munch on the last leg of the trip….”

“That’s all?” Blue eyes reading me like an open book.

A sigh couldn’t help but escape me. I had to shake the tug of panic that I would be read. ‘Note to self, work with Eve to weed out what’s left of my tells.’

“I _was h_ oping to buy some… ummm… undies…? May have destroyed mine when I tried to figure out the washing machine….”

Instantly, he put down those sweet chips and surveyed the people of the food court again. His cheeks turned a shade or two pinker. I could practically see it written on his face of how he’s trying to come to terms with the notion of shopping alongside me in such a store.

‘Never took him for someone so shy about semipublic nudity…. Wonder what he’d be like if I took him to the water park with how swim suits have changed.’

Part of me hopes that it’s just how he was and the world almost a century ago was just that different or it was some quirk he developed as of late…. And not something to do with his time at the hands of Hydra.

“I can do that by myself, Bucky. You don’t have to literally watch my back. I’ll call if anything seems off.”

“…Okay.”

‘And to avoid him covering every little kid’s eyes…’

“I’ll be awhile? So maybe you’d be interested in searching through some movies?”

That caught his curiosity.

“There’s an H.M.V. here. They have a bunch of music too. I think the R.V. has a fancy C.D. player? Sure is hooked up for it… if the speakers all over the bloody place has something to say.”

He gave a little nod.

I beamed him a grin, gathering up the empty trays and stretching out an arm when he tried to take some from me. Almost made a game of it, snatching up trays before the other and getting them to the rubbish bin.

Not even a minute into our walk when Bucky stopped in his tracks. A manmade lake.

‘And there’s that beautiful posture of his.’

His version of a grin, I guess.

But this time, he seemed to be fighting himself in taking steps forwards. Flinching a tad when I held onto his hand.

“Let’s walk about the pirate ship,” I chirped excitedly, tugging on those calloused fingers.

“We… can go on that?” He sounded so hopeful, while struggling with changing his path to go towards it.

“Yup. There’s a little bridge.”

“But….”

“We’ve got plenty of time, Buddy.”

That’s when he finally relented, letting me pull him towards the little bridge onto the ship. Halfway across, Bucky’s strides grew, quickly over taking mine. Still his hand clung onto mine, pulling me along behind him as he explored the little area.

Ropes tied off the upper decks at the back but the front deck was open to the public. Bucky walked up with a bounce in his step. His eyes so bright as he took the fake surroundings in. His hand tightening just a fraction around mine. And when he turned to face me, the corners of those lips were tipped upwards.

I could almost see his face under that damn mask he wore. Not quite the happy grin he had while teasing about Devon so many nights ago.

Just a slight smile.

But a smile nonetheless.

One that crinkled the corner of his eyes.

‘Note to self, when all this is over, bring him to a real old ass ship.’

His left hand reached out for the railing, but paused. So I rested the back my hand on the painted wood. The hand he held. His fingers curled away, first touching the railing before holding onto it with my hand stuck in between.

‘Yup. Most definitely get him a chance to take the wheel of a real old ass ship….’

It’s peaceful. A little pause. Even Bucky took a break from assessing the threat level of everything in the surroundings.

It wasn’t long before he let go of the railing, but not of my hand. Even as he walked away from the fake ship, and when my arm started to tug from not being able to keep up, he slowed his pace, falling in step with me.

“We shouldn’t stay too long….” Bucky said softly with a dash of disappointment.

“Maybe when this is all over, we can come back? There’s a few new things here that look fun.”

“…I’d like that.”

‘He doesn’t think he’d get to come back here….’ Going by his voice.

I led him inside the two story H.M.V. and showed him around the store. Told him about looking up reviews on his phone.

A plushie of an Ewok caught his attention. He stared right through it. Pretty sure he was remembering a teddy bear by how he didn’t have terror in his eyes, and hopefully not something he came across when working for Hydra.

When he finally snapped out of the memory, I asked, “You’ll be alright here?”

Bucky gave a nod, busy scanning the room.

“I’ll call if anything pops up for any reason, and you do the same. I’ll meet you back here when I’m done, ‘kay?”

Another nod.

“I’m going to need my hand back, Buddy.”

His hold tightened just a fraction before he let go. He shoved his hand into his hoodie pocket, mirroring his cybernetic.

Sending one more smile, I walked out of the store and headed straight for Victoria’s Secret. ‘And that takes care of Bucky.’

My fingers flew across my phone screen, setting up an alert perimeter for Bucky around H.M.V. if he were to leave the area. Slipping on my glasses, I scanned through the security cameras in the lingerie shop with one lens.

The other lens was set on the hallway around me, forcing me to navigate in third person. Gave me a view of everything around me without having to turn my head.

By the time I reached the lingerie shop, my stomach churned at the disorientated floaty spin my brain assumed the floor under my feet was doing.

‘Hmmm, the four day break undid some neural pathways. Will have to get back into the habit of navigating via cameras.’

I had to free up some of the lens space to drop a tracker on one of the employees who would close up tonight. Needed my actually vision for that delicate task.

‘And that takes care of my signal.’

Easy enough to slip past the people in the changing rooms, picking the lock of one of the doors for some privacy to get a blond ponytail wig situated on my head. A short pause for an employee helping out a customer later, I raced for the attached hotel while controlling their cameras. The elevator lobby, stairs and service elevator to keep an eye on who goes up.

Then a quick capture of empty footage to loop over any I would have popped up on. The elevator lobby, the elevator and the hallways.

‘No signals coming out of the room. So they don’t have remote senses here,’ I noted while trying not to rip off the gloves I pulled on. They kept any fingerprints and D.N.A. to myself.

They’d never know I was inside this room.

The lock took a few seconds to get past. A couple seconds longer than if my dominant hand wasn’t twitching from the electric current running through the pins that kept my bones in place. Another second was spent returning the lock cover to normal.

On my way in, I pulled up the scarf to cover my head. Just in case something of me might be left behind. If they found out I was in here, that’d make them utterly useless to me.

‘No cameras and no mics. They don’t have surveillance in their own room…? Probably paranoid of Eve in case her chains are loosened. Don’t want to risk it, huh? No fun.’

One eye swept the meticulously neat room with two beds. The other kept an eye on various camera feeds.

‘Ex-military… _again_ ….’

They were all ex-military. Mercs.

Nothing hidden in the bible or any of the drawers. Not even between their underwear.

Curiosity got the better of me, and I pulled up a holiday selfie of two kids with the old man Bucky clocked as Hydra in front of a window.

‘Hmmm…. five windows right and two floors up… that seems about right…?’

Going by the view in the picture and from outside of this window, the room should be around there. So tempted to poke around that room as well. See what I could find out about Hydra without Eve’s lens changing random details that were probably extremely important. Like their bloody damn logo.

Nobody should even be in their room. I could see the old man in the wave pool. His grandkids should be around there. Likely in the pool with him or maybe exploring one of the many waterslides.

With a sigh, I zoomed out and brought my attention back to the room I was in.

Next up, the paper pad by the phone on the nightstand between the beds. Hopefully they were dumb enough to write something of use on it. On the smooth surface, I couldn’t find any indentations. No luck.

Nothing under the beds or between the mattresses. Nothing besides a sizeable dust bunny or two, and some kid’s plastic candy ring.

‘The safe it is then. Oh? _Fancy_.’

They brought their own damn safe.

‘Hahaha, as if that’d actually slow me down.’

My injured hand would slow me down more than this safe could.

Placing one hearing bud on the top surface of the safe and keeping the other in my ear, I took barely a minute to get inside. Everything stacked oh so neatly.

‘At least it’s easier to put things back,’ I thought, snapping few photos for comparison before I leave.

Took photos of everything. Files. Passports. Every page. A few bills of each currency they had.

If the files don’t pan out, and if it came down to it, I could try to trace them through the movements of the currencies or go after their families.

A cinnamon bun popped up over my phone screen. Bucky. Picking up, I continued to take picture after picture.

“V-Val…?”

“What up, Buddy?”

“Everything alright?” he asked.

“Yup. You?”

“Reading about a movie called Spirited Away. It’s in the same drawing style as the movie last night.”

“Mmm. I do love that movie, but don’t get it. I’ll figure out another movie you can watch from the same director. But that one has a couple of things that might not agree with you. Maybe another time.”

“…Okay.”

“Sorry.”

“No, I don’t want to….”

“If you find George of the Jungle or Men in Tights, I’m down to watch that with you. I could use the laughs.”

“I’ll keep an eye out for them.”

“If not, we can watch them when we get to where we’re going.”

“….”

“Anything else?”

“No.”

“See you soon.”

“See you soon…” he said, and we hung up.

‘That took longer than I thought….’

But still, I had to take my time to make sure everything was back in place. Did not help that one set of my fingers were utterly set on twitching every so often. Nothing could be a hair out of place. It’d be likely that their type would notice and them noticing would make all I did here obsolete to me.

Checking that the footage of the hall outside was clear, I heard the lock engage behind me. Almost forgot to take off the blond wig in the elevator before making my way back to Victoria Secret.

‘…Okay….? A European language….’

I flicked on the translator mode for one lens to superimpose English over the words in the pictures I took. Get a gist of what they had on me before getting back to Bucky.

‘Estonian? ‘Kay…? I guess I should see if that country links to any of this mes – _shit_.’

They knew a lot more about me than I guessed. They file was all about me. From my code name Cookie Dough to the scars that marred my skin. Things most people wouldn’t know or notice. They have enough to interrupt anybody who generally matched my description. Just as they’ve been doing at this mall.

‘This got so much creepier now…. Going to just… wait this out….’

Wait until they’re done dropping pretty pennies on this stupidity.

With that thought, I tucked everything away and grabbed a bunch of bras in my size to try on. The first one that fit and didn’t piss me off, I bought along with a handful of far too colourful panties. I almost forgot to disable the fake signal on the employee before I made my way over to H.M.V. as if I hadn’t raced about the mall. As much as my throbbing ankle disagreed with that.

‘Hmm…. I wonder if he really was a charmer like in the stories way back when or girls just threw themselves at him.’

Since one was most definitely trying. Though from the looks of it, Bucky didn’t have a clue to all the flirting the pretty brunette was shoving his way. He was completely absorbed with reading the summary on the back of a Blu-ray case.

‘Oh the poor girl.’

“Hey there, handsome,” I chirped, reaching up and tucking a lock of soft hair behind his ear. Made sure to scratch at his scalp for the reaction I wanted. “Manage to find a movie for tonight?”

He gave a little nod, clinging onto the thin box in his hands as his expression started to take a turn for confusion.

At the other girl’s squeak, I faced her. “Oh, a new friend! Would you like to join us for… Snatch…?”

‘This might actually be a good one to see if he’s good with something gorier…? After general violence is an okay….’

“Ah,” the cute brunette fidgeted for a second in place, eyeing the bag in my hand and the two of us. “It’s a good movie. A bit hectic, but good. I recommend watching with subtitles.”

I sent her a friendly smile, handing the box back to Bucky and motioning for the cashier with a tilt of my head. “Then we must watch this.”

He got the hint, and went off, sending me a worried glance on his way.

“I’m-I’m sorry,” the young woman stuttered. “He didn’t mention he had a girlfriend. I-I – ”

“Oh, don’t fret. He totally doesn’t realize when people flirt with him.”

“You’re not…mad?”

I sent her a soft smile and a shake of the head. Hopefully something friendly. “Thanks by the way, for picking a movie for us.”

“N-no problem.”

“Have a good evening,” I said, skirting around her towards Bucky.

“You too.” With that, she scurried off.

‘Hmmm cute girl,’ I thought, hooking my arm around Bucky’s.

“…She was…?” he started.

“Yup.”

“I… I didn’t….”

“It’s okay. I did what I could to let her down easy?”

“I heard everything.”

“I know.”

“You invited her to join us.”

“She wasn’t going to say yes.”

“What if she did?”

“She wasn’t.”

“….”

“I’m sure she wouldn’t have agreed, and save Snatch for another time.”

He gave a nod. “…Now what?”

“T&T? Stock up on food. We’ll be where we’re going in a day or so? This should our last stop for food.”

 

******

 

‘Police…?’

Going by how Bucky sunk into the driver’s seat, he spotted them as well.

‘I made sure they weren’t going to use the car this evening… so it shouldn’t be reported as a stolen vehicle…?’

“There’s a police presence. Two officers to the west. 29.7 meters,” he rattled off, hand likely fidgeting from trying not to grab a weapon of some sort.

“Alright,” I responded, taking in a deep breath. “Keep posture strong and confident, but force your strides to be… what mine were at the park. Should be enough to change your movements. The dash cam is pointed at our R.V. and walking gate can be used as an identifier.”

Hurriedly, I stuffed the panties from Victoria’s Secret under my heels inside my shoes. Makeshift lifts to change my height. They had my exact height. The lifts would change my gate too.

“If they approach us, I’ll deal with them. Pretend you have a fear of interacting with strangers, and if they talk to you, whisper your answer in my ear. Use melting ice cream to get inside. Tell me you’re going to do that. Take the keys with you and lock the door behind you. They’re not allowed inside unless we let them or they hear sounds of distress.”

“What if they’re Hydra?” he pointed out.

“….”

‘They’re clearly staking out the R.V. and Hydra wouldn’t look for you in there. It’s why I picked this one over the small dented to hell one…’ I almost huffed out while painting super glue over my left hand. Grabbing my finger prints was no longer an option.

“They could be the ones after you.”

“Mmm. If I can’t talk my way out of this… otherwise stay in the R.V. unless I call you out, and make sure to lock the door after…. Don’t need them questioning about the guns and stuff…. And remember that you’re my boss, ‘kay?”

He gave a nod. “Got it.”

“Just be confident. We’ll be fine. Might have nothing to do with us…?”

With a nod and a forced smile, I exited the car, gathering up the various bags from our shopping trip. Bucky grabbed the rest of them and took the lead in heading to the motorhome.

I barely held in a sigh at the two faces that approached us. I had just taken pictures of those faces on fake passports. ‘Jekyll.’

“Excuse us, E.P.S. Does this R.V. belong to you?” one of them questioned, flashing his badge in a manner that really only let us see a blurry streak of gold.

Bucky paused for a beat, his hands tightening around the handles of the bags. Fists ready for punching. Before I could rest a hand on him to remind him, he turned to me, leaning down. His lips almost brushed my ear as he whispered, “I’ll get the ice cream in the freezer. Take care of this.”

“Sure thing, boss,” I almost chirped out in a manner much too chipper, but I squeezed my voice through my nose, keeping it high and squeaky.

“Hey! We need to speak to the both of you!” the other demanded, trying to step into the motorhome with Bucky, who managed to slam the door close before anyone was anywhere close. He was none too gentle with the locked door.

“My boss has sever anxiety in regards to talking with strangers, and he’s putting away the ice cream,” I stated calmly. “Please talk through me. I can answer any questions you have. So, how might I be of help, Officers?”

“You can let us into the R.V. to start,” snapped the asshat still manhandling the door.

“Do you have a search warrant?”

“We’re searching for a very dangerous and armed individual,” his pal covered, signalling the other to back off. “She may not be traveling alone.”

I had to force myself to take a step back and glance about the surroundings. Feign some semblance of a normal reaction.

“We believe she may be inside.”

“Nobody’s inside. Well, besides my boss now. We have an Ayers system. It would have notified us if there were a break in.”

“We noticed you have cameras set up. Can we see the footage? Can we search your vehicle? For your safety,” one of them said, charging for the door again. I stepped between them and the door.

“No to the search unless you have a warrant for such, but we do have recordings of the footage. You may have that.”

They were not amused with that answer, towering over me.

‘Awww, they’re trying to be intimidating.’

They had nothing on Bucky. They were closer to being pouty kids than getting their way.

No matter.

I got out my phone. “May I have a number or email? I’ll send the link to the Dropbox of the footage of our time parked here.”

“Dropbox?” one of them asked, rather confused.

“A cloud site. Files are stored there. So, email? Text? Paper?” I tried again. Thumbs poised at the ready to type.

‘They actually have a police notepad….’

One that I scribbled the link into, purposely holding the pen different in my left hand from how I usually would write. All to keep my handwriting away from any of my own. Official documents. Memos. School notes. Anything that could possibly be linked to me.

“Do you have a description or a picture of this woman? And how might I contact you if we spotted said woman?”

At that, I was trading business cards and staring at a face quite familiar to me. Mine. Snapped a picture of the photo as if I’d never seen it before and if I didn’t, I’d forget.

I could feel their eyes burning into my masked face, probably debating if I was me. Likely due to the name on the card I gave them.

 _Valentina Mckinney_.

I should have picked a different name but in the case that Val was slipped out, I had a cover for it. Though if there was a slip, these two probably would have shoved my head into a bag and dragged me off to who knows where. Or at least tried to.

“She’s slightly shorter than yourself.”

‘Yay… the makeshift heel lifts worked…’ I commented in my head, while nodding along with their words. “I shall call if I see this face. Is there anything else?”

“Where are you headed to?”

“Hard to say. The boss only works when we’re driving. He picks a random direction when he feels like working.”

“And what does he do?”

“Game developer.”

It’s written all over their body language. They still wanted in.

“Is that all, Officers?”

Reluctantly, one nodded his head, patting his partner on the arm, and they headed back to their car.

I waited patiently for a few seconds. Enough time for me to pick the lock, get in and lock the door again.

What I found inside made me pause.

Bucky stood there in the kitchen. Gun in hand poised to shoot one of the fake cops. The barrel shifted just the slightest, I bet following them to their car.

The laptop was open on the table in front of him, the camera footage of where we were talking on full screen. He didn’t need it to aim. From the looks of it, he only needed his enhanced hearing.

“It’s safe to talk. I’m not picking up any equipment to see or hear us inside this thing.”

Money was spent on people, not so much equipment. They knew we could counteract anything electronic. We couldn’t mess with human senses so easily.

“They’re looking for you,” Bucky stated through gritted teeth.

From how the fabrics of his clothing fell on his body, he had hidden at least half of the weaponry we had on his person.

“They are,” I echoed.

“We leave now.”

“We could. But that’d just add more suspicion that I’m probably in here?”

‘Yup. Bucky sure pulls off intimidating far better.’

“Grab your things, Val,” he practically directed urgently. “We’ll leave through the skylight. Take a car and get out of here.”

“Or we could just stay here? Leave at midnight as we planned.” With the expensive as R.V. and avoid Eve lopping my head off for leaving it behind.

“But – ”

“They’ll come by a few times or just stay there. If we leave right away, they’ll think I’m in here. So, we stay. Now put the gun down.”

His hands lowered, even if his face said he would really rather not.

“You’re not bloodying your hands for me, Bucky.”

The look of disbelief on his face was heart wrenching, as if I couldn’t possibly mean those words.

“We do nothing, Bucky. Go about as we have planned. We sleep. I can’t have them confirming I’m anywhere near here.”

“They’re still outside,” he pointed out.

He showed no signs of calming down. His face might have been tilted towards me, but his shoulders were still squared off with the squad car that neither of us could see. His muscles tensed and at the ready.

I took the few steps up to him, tugging the gun from his hands and placing it on the table. When he automatically went for another weapon, I held onto his fingers.

“They’re grasping at straws. Whatever that might hint to me. They didn’t even realize I was talking with them. It’s going to be okay…. Breathe with me, Bucky.”

The first breath was shaky, but then he followed mine.

“There’s only two of them. I didn’t see anyone else new,” he said.

“Neither did I.”

“If more show up….”

“Yeah. Means they know. Let’s not give them any reason to suspect. I’ve got a couple of things to go over before I sleep. You should rest in the meanwhile.”

He shook his head. “I’ll keep an eye on them.”

“I can do that. I got two eyes. I can spare one on them…. And I’m taking the laptop, so rest, Bucky.”

With that said, I took the laptop and went into the bedroom. Pretty sure if I sat on the couch, he’d either pout or place me on the bed himself. Best not be by the door.

‘Footage to dropbox – ”

I barely had the time to setup the drop box when I heard the faucet turn on. Thinking I could pilfer a nibble of fruit from him, I snuck back to the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” I questioned.

“Doing the dishes.”

“Why? That’s a kitchen sink.”

“The dishes are dirty. They need to be cleaned.”

“Did Eve not tell you about kitchen sinks? Oh shit. Have you been doing the dishes this whole time?!”

He practically flinched away.

“Kitchen sinks are equipped with robotic arms to clean dishes and stuff. They’re a little rough, so nothing fragile and most definitely bruised a lot of fruits…. Where’s the cover…?”

The stainless steel sink was solid. Knocking on it confirmed it. I checked underneath and found nothing that belonged with a kitchen sink.

“The shit? Who’d put a regular sink in the kit – Oh bloody hell. ‘Kay. It’s probably one of _those_ fucking things.”

“One of what?” Bucky asked, hovering over me while I googled on my phone.

“One of the things that comes growing up with Gramps as your grandfather. My world is a little off compared to most people. I grew up thinking kitchen sink meant a sink fitted with the ability to wash dishes… and it actually means a sink in the fucking kitchen….”

“You don’t need to look up how to do the dishes, Val. I’ll do them. Your hand needs to heal.”

“You’re not here to do chores, Bucky.”

“I’m here to help,” he countered insistently.

“Both of us are living here. Let me do my part or at least _something_.”

“….” With a sigh, he tossed a rag my way. “You can dry the dishes and put them away. Leave the ones on the top shelf for me.”

“I can do that.”

‘Without the need to YouTube it…. I can’t believe nobody told me that not all kitchen sinks have automated dishwashing….’

“Are you confident that they don’t know you’re in here?” Bucky questioned, handing me a soaking wet plate.

“…Not enough to tell you to put back the guns and knives,” I answered honestly. “So better than escaping Hydra and SHIELD night but less than through the border? All depends on if I struck the right balance…. I could have pushed more and gambled some. Ask for their badge numbers to check. Would either scare them off or cause them to lash out….”

“I don’t like the idea of staying here. Waiting for them to call reinforcements.”

Thoughtfully wiping each droplet off the plates far slower than Bucky’s agitated washing pace, I shrugged. More to myself than to him. “It’s the least likely way to go without causing more suspicions…. Even if shit hits the fan, between the two of us, I stand a chance. More so than I would have if they found me alone.”

“I rather not let this get violent.”

The way he eyed my foot, hand and collar, I’m rather sure he meant _You’re going to get hurt._

“I’ll try not to crash the car again?” I offered.

Bucky’s shoulders shifted with the massive sigh he heaved. He sent me an exasperated glance, gathering the pile of plates and tucking them away.

‘Oh shit. Bucky’s going to have some weird ass assumptions about the modern day… no thanks to us….’

 

******

 

‘Shit. Damn it. Fuck. Damn. Shit.’

Back and forth. Back and forth. Shuffle to the side. Shuffle to the side. _And getting fucking nowhere._

‘I can’t park this bloody damn thing!!!’

Back and forth. Back and forth. Shuffle to the side. Shuffle to the side. _Still getting fucking nowhere._

The time I made up on the road could very well be eaten up by my attempt to park this fucking bus of a motorhome.

‘Ah fuck it!!’

I threw the damn thing into park and took a quick walk around R.V. to calm down the irritation. Everybody’s asleep. Nothing out of place.

‘At least the Edmonton boys didn’t tail us.’

They didn’t call anyone to watch this park either. From some poking around, they never had anyone in this park. Most of the men in Canada were situated further than where our road trip ends.

‘At this rate, should be there by evening…? I should ask Bucky about seeing the totem poles.’

There was audio coming from the back, so I doubt Bucky was asleep. With heavy footsteps and a soft knock, I opened the bedroom door.

“Bucky…? The hell happened?”

The young man was seated in the tiny pillow fort with eyes practically glazed over. His body rocked back and forth, hands covering his ears. He hadn’t even reacted to the door opening or to me.

‘…Princess Bride…? Oh shit!’

I shut the laptop with a snap.

At the sound, his forearm slammed against my throat. My back pinned against the cabinets. A knob jabbed into my back. His eyes filled with determination.

‘ _Fun._ He’s going to fight his way through me if he has to….’

“Nothing’s going to happen to you, Bucky,” I stated calmly, though my voice faltered with the pressure against my throat. “All’s good.”

Recognition bloomed in those blue eyes and he shuffled away with a thud to the night table.

“All’s good. Just breathe with me, Bucky. Come on. Breathe.”

“I-I… I’m sorry – I didn’t- didn’t mean to – P-p-please don’t put me in the chair. _Please_. I-I’ll do anything. I’ll be good. I promise. Plea-please. Please don’t put me in the chair. Anything but the chair. _Please_. I w-won’t – I-I won’t disappoint you.”

“Shhhh, Bucky. No chairs,” I assured, feeling like my arm was about to crack under his desperate grip. “No chairs.”

Whatever that meant.

The panic drained right out of him, leaving him in a semi sobbing mess. Thank yous slipped out between choked gasps.

I pulled him into a hug in the tight space, running my fingers through his hair. “No chairs. No torture. Nothing’s going to happen to you, Bucky. You’re safe. With me,” I repeated over and over again.

As the seconds ticked by, his breathing evened out, his words falling silent. His head didn’t move from the crook of my neck. His hands didn’t let go of my shirt, still clinging to it as if this reality would slip through his fingers.

“Did I hurt you?”

“All’s good, Bucky…. And I’m sorry. I got careless. Should have looked at what you bought. I’m sorry, Bucky.”

His head leaned back, shaking a soft no. “Stop blaming yourself, Valeriy…. You can’t be comfortable like this.”

‘Yup. My leg is cramping up and my abs are burning.’ So I moved to back away from half holding myself up over him.

But as much as he said those words, Bucky was still reluctant to let go of my shirt, and I couldn’t really move.

“Going to just sit on the bed,” I suggested lightly, watching his face for any disagreement. “Like yesterday, ‘kay?”

Instead of climbing onto the bed myself, just like yesterday, Bucky placed me on the edge and tucked his shoulders under my knees. And just like yesterday, he hung onto my good ankle as I dragged my nails along his scalp.

No words were exchanged.

Eventually he’d figured out that nothing was going to happen to him.

No pain.

No torture.

No chairs.

Right?

That it’d only be soft things.

Down Pillows.

Fluffy blankets.

My hand that wasn’t encased by metal.

Only soft things for Bucky.

But he wouldn’t settle down. His muscles stayed tensed. His grip kept changing pressure, bordering on pain when it seemed he was struggling with where he was.

‘I don’t know what more I can do….’

What made me feel safe when I was trapped in my head?

I escaped.

I escaped reality.

Binge watching movies at this moment probably wasn’t a wise choice.

I doubt stuffing him into the closet would do him any help.

Cold water was an overall bad idea.

‘What do I do…? What can I even do…?’

I curled around him, arms wrapping him up in a hug and head resting against his. Hide him away in a curtain of long hair and fluffy blankets.

‘I should get more blankets.’

His head lightly rested against my thigh, half hugging my right leg. His posture relaxed from what felt like both bracing for pain and on the cusp of lashing out.

With a soft sigh, Bucky half sunk into the pile of pillows between him and the bed frame. “Where are we going next? I’ll start driving.”

I pulled him back from his attempt at standing up. “Was actually on my way to asking if you’d mind us checking out some totem poles that are in this park. Sun up is about… two hours away?”

“Okay.”

With that, Bucky’s head dropped against my thigh, hand holding onto my ankle again. I continued on with running one hand through his hair, the other cast covered one propping up my head. He didn’t need his hair being tangled in the joint systems.

It took a little time, but his breathing changed. Once in a while, a soft almost snore sounded from him.

Testing, I tried to pull my leg back, but without waking, he tightened his grip. A shrug of the shoulders later, I laid back, staring up at the ceiling.

‘Probably a dumb idea…?’

But I strained to reach a pillow I liked sleeping on to tuck under my head and another I liked to snuggle with. Not bothering to try and yank the duvet from under me, I just wrapped myself into a burrito to sleep. Still half off the bed.

 

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anybody have suggestions for movies safe for Bucky to watch? 
> 
> I messed up with Wall-E.  
> Should have watched it before picking it, but with Eve around, I can say that she edited out Wall-E being basically tortured and predict that they'd be asleep before Wall-E gets amnesia.


	23. Bucky Barnes - CHEESE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been beta-ed by the Anonymous Second Beta. 
> 
> This one took a long time to write.  
> Rewrote the second half over and over and over again.

 

******

 

Pulling out of another nightmare all I knew were the straps holding me down.

Panic sent me upright.

Grab Gerber Yari II under mattress. Stab heart between ribs. Target incapacitated.

Barely able to remember that Valeriy was behind me before I could break the foot that smacked me in the face.

A sleepy groan escaped the young woman. But she was upright. Eyes squinting in the dim lighting. Taser in hand. Just barely ready for the worst.

One of the rare moments where her thoughts were so clearly written across her face. In the way her brows furrow. In the way her eyes were still half asleep. The confusion of no intruder.

“Nightmare?”

I shook my head. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Eh, it’s fine,” she waved off. A little tick of anger crossing her eyes before they squinted at the bright phone screen. “It’s close to dawn anyways. We can go look for the totems.”

The way her hand reached out for mine. So naturally.

It shouldn’t.

Didn’t she know how easy her bones could break?

Just a bit of strength and they would crack.

Her light laughter made me pause and her hand slipped from mine. Then proceed to flap both her hands about by her face until her fingers slipped through the cuffs.

‘Did I…?’

That was one of the hoodies she bought in Thunder Bay hanging off her shoulders. That she’s been trying to zip up with the sleeves swallowing up her hands every time she reached to knee level trying to get a hold of the zipper. The more she tried the more she laughed.

‘Did I… put the hoodie…?’

“Thanks Bucky,” Valeriy chirped.

Her hand wrapped around mine again the end of the sleeve swinging about. A little tug from her and the zipper tab by her neck slipped from my fingers.

Seemed rather natural, the way she picked up the camera and slipped it into the hoodie pocket with her hand completely encased by the sleeve. I had to dodge the blanket she flung over her shoulder. But the mask, she had trouble smacking that against her face to have it stick.

“You know what?” Valeriy huffed, stuffing the sheet into her pocket. “We’ll slap these on if we spot anybody. I’d rather see your beautiful face anyways.”

Before she could skip her way out of the motorhome, I tugged her to a stop and opened the laptop, going over the surrounding area.

She hovered at my side, joining in. Going by how her head bounced and the noncommittal hum, she came to the same conclusion as I did.

Nobody seemed to be awake.

Made sense for 0451.

Before she could shoot her uninjured leg, I plucked the Five seveN Valeriy was trying to tuck under the waistband of her shorts. With a sigh, I made sure the safety was on. It wasn’t. The sleeve likely shifted the switch without her knowing.

I had to hop on a foot to keep up with her as I slipped the barrel under my sock.

“Val – ”

The sky. Stars filled so much of the darkness. Tiny dots so far away and half a moon. Bright enough to bathe the trees in pale light. All of it so familiar.

“How about we climb atop this thing and stare skywards? We got the time,” Valeriy suggested with a grin. “Pretty sure there’s a skylight inside I could pop open.”

The roof of the motorhome would let us relax out of sight. If we were on our backs, it would be too low for anyone to spot. It would be a clear view of the stars without the leaves and branches of the trees.

“I can jump that,” I told her.

“I sure can’t.”

“I can carry you and….”

Tossing her over my shoulder like before wasn’t an option anymore. Even if the cast could handle it, she’d be in pain.

“I can just hang onto your shoulders?” Valeriy offered with a shrug. “Like a baby monkey or something…? Piggybacking?”

‘Baby monkey…?’

Her finger twirled a circle. I understood what that meant. She wanted me to turn around. Her hands lightly clasped onto both shoulders.

Sweep legs. Heel drop face. Target incapacitated.

When she put pressure down through her hands, I knew what that meant as well and dropped to my knees.

A squeal mostly muffled by clenched teeth sounded above me. She crashed into the back of my head and shoulders, toppling in front of me.

I scrambled to catch her. Yet again, holding the young woman upside down while her arms tried to support her weight. One hand clinging onto the blanket she had brought out.

The panic subsided at her laughter.

Carefully, I lowered her behind me. But instead of sitting on a bed, she draped herself against my back. Her arms softly wrapping around my neck.

“Maybe I should have used my words?” she commented lightly. Hand reaching up and running through my hair. “I’m not trying to choke you. I’m going to just tuck my leg around your tummy…. Kind of like a hug? With legs…? ‘Kay?”

At my nod, her left leg wrapped across my stomach. The pressure with her hands returned and the other leg flung around, crossing at the ankles.

“Oh, I did not think this through. This can’t be good for your knees.”

Before she could drop her legs, I grasped her knees. With a shift of weight to one knee, I easily stood up.

Valeriy giggled. Still hanging off my back. Her head lightly knocked against mine. Her cheek against my ear. Her arms squeezing down lightly.

A hug.

_“Bicky!!! Go fatter!!!”_

“…Hang on,” I told her, and with a couple of steps, I sprung off the ground and gently landed on the middle of the motorhome.

Valeriy’s laughter rang the whole way up.

I set her down on her feet. Made sure that she was stable on her right foot before letting go of her left. Minimize the damage on her ankle.

Her barely fading chuckles caught my attention.

“Again!”

“ _Val_!”

I barely managed to catch the crazy woman. From how her hands dug into my arm, she was hurting from being caught around the fractured ribs. Struggling to push her weight off them and shifting my arm to her waist.

“Your ankle,” I reminded her. My heart pounding in my chest.

“…Oops?” She sent a wary grin my way, trying to hide the pain behind it. “Slipped my mind?”

With a heavy sigh, I hauled her back onto the roof. “Do not jump off. If you want to go down, tell me. I’ll carry you.”

She mostly pouted but gave a nod. “…Okay.”

With a flourished flick, Valeriy tossed the blanket, laying it down flat on the flattest part of the roof. Getting on her hands and knees to smooth out each wrinkle. She motioned for me to join her in the middle. To lie down and stare up at the sky without all the dust and bird shit.

“You knew we were going to be lying down…?”

“Nope. I brought this out in case you got cold.”

“….” A warmth heated my face from the center of my chest.

Valeriy propped up on one arm, reaching across my body and pulling a bit of the blanket atop of me.

“I’m fine with the cold,” I mumbled. “And it’s only covering half of me.”

“Ha,” she laughed, throwing an arm and a leg on the half of me closest to her. “There. Problem solved. All covered.”

“How did you come up with some complex plan to cross the border when your problem solving skills are like this?”

“Hey!” she huffed indignantly. “This is an apt solution.” She couldn’t keep the seriousness in her voice for more than two syllables before breaking into random chuckles.

A content sigh later, Valeriy shuffled to the side until she slipped off my arm. Took only a small movement of the wrist for my hand to brush against hers, still hidden under that damn sleeve.

She pulled way, flopping the sleeve in the air again until her hand popped out. Delicate fingers holding onto mine.

“…I’ve seen the sky like this before…” I mused. A memory floating just out of reach. “…I’m… I’m not sure where… or even when…. Have you seen the sky completely filled with stars? More than this…. Without a moon.”

“More often than most people think I have?” Valeriy responded. “I’d say… the most stars I’ve seen is tied between somewhere in the middle of an ocean and…waiting for the elephant to finish fucking the truck when I was with Auntie Irene?”

Something tugged in my chest at the name, but something else bubbled at the image her words weaved.

“Irene…. I found her online.”

“Her Wikipedia page is probably a mile long,” she giggled.

All three of them had articles on that site.

Someone out there knew them better than I do….

My own sisters.

And none of what I read rang any bells.

Didn’t manage to shake any memories lose.

I couldn’t even recognise their faces.

There was a page on who I was before all this. Something I couldn’t find when at the D.C. safe house.

_Sergeant James Buchannan “Bucky” Barnes is a former soldier of the 107 th Infantry Regiment and the childhood best friend of Ste –_

A shake to my hand pulled me out of the spiraling thoughts. Valeriy’s head landed against my shoulder with an audible thud.

“Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out,” she stated softly.

“…I might… have brain cancer….”

“…You’ve been trolling about WebMD haven’t you? It’s unlikely you have brain cancer, Bucky. Leave that diagnostic stuff to Amber, ‘kay? We should hear from her when she gets back from her trip….”

“…She can tell what’s wrong with me from a video conversation?”

“No? But the hair strands and blood will say quite a bit?”

“You… you never took blood from me.”

“Eh, I had a bloody ass shirt… or two? You kind of bled a lot at the house…. From the first night at the house… and when you cut yourself….”

“Hydra will recognise me through the results. Your friend is in danger.”

“All precautions are taken. She’ll be working on machines that are completely offline. Eve won’t let Hydra get their hands on Amber. Neither will I.”

Her hand let go of mine, reaching up around my head and messing up my hair.

“You’ve got beautiful hair, Bucky. Strong and healthy. So your health should be about the same? It’s a good thing your hair is long, more info.”

“You could have told me that you were doing all this.”

She shrugged. “Never crossed my mind? _And_ … I’m starting to realize that I should have asked you first….”

The thought of which felt so very foreign.

“We’ve been looking into a way to do a brain scan? Without you having something put over your head or being immobile.”

“Like an M.R.I.?”

“Yeah…?”

“I… I can try….”

“Nah, no need to put you through that. Something popped up in my search, and if that doesn’t pan out, I can trick Gramps into making something that would do. It’ll work out. One way or another. Especially if we make a mint off it.”

“…You don’t have to do all this.”

“Eh, it’s fun. Much better than the shit I’ve been doing.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“I could use another hug,” she laughed jokingly.

But I wrapped my right arm around her anyways, pulling her closer. Valeriy snuggled in, head resting on my shoulder. A content sigh left her.

Under the joking there was something else. She’d been off since we met up at the H.M.V. Just the slightest. Her smile not quite the usual carefree curve. Her huffs of irritation. Her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

It could have been dealing with those men after her.

Or whatever it was that the A.I. ghost has her working on.

If a hug could help, it’s something I can do.

“…Do you want to talk about it?”

“…No…. I don’t want to even think about it,” she mumbled into the side of my neck.

I couldn’t help but shift a tad.

“I forgot you’re actually ticklish,” Valeriy chuckled out.

When she tried to move away, I held my arm still for just a second and then relaxed, letting her decide what she wanted to do. Which was to curl into my side with a content sigh.

‘This much, I can do.’

Something that didn’t involve blood, pain and death.

Something simple.

Something warm.

I could even enjoy the moment.

There wasn’t a nagging need to finish something. To hunt down a target.

I could just stare up at the stars… and relax.

“Anything else?” I enquired carefully.

“Sorry, I believe I misheard the… quest…. Buck – Hahahahaha! Sorry. Sorry. I dozed off there. What were you saying?”

“Is there anything else I can help with?” I repeated. “…I might not have graduated college…. I’m not even sure about having finished high school…. But I can do the grunt work. I read fast.”

“Hmmm… I guess I _could_ use some help evaluating security stuff? When we get to our destination. Nothing we can do at the moment…. As for schooling, would you be interested in finishing all that?”

“…I can’t go to school. I’d… I’d put the students in danger.”

“ _Well_ , we do have a few schools. You can take the courses virtually, go at your own pace and Eve will just supervise the exams and stuff?”

‘I can finish school…?’

“So the question is mostly if you want to and which accent you feel like listening to? I’d recommend the British or Canadian schools. They’re the most established campuses.”

‘I can _finish school_.’

“Australian is fun if you’re actually there. The rest are in other languages. Which you can take too if you want to do the whole language immersion thing.”

“English sounds good,” I responded. I needed to get used to writing in English.

“You can take classes from different campuses too,” Valeriy added excitedly. “I’ll study with you. I have about five years’ worth of stuff to catch up on… if I’ll be working with Amber and Gramps again…. Maybe I’ll take a class with you. Depends on what you pick. Oh we can take knitting together!”

“Knitting? When would we ever use knitting?”

“Probably never? But that’s the whole point,” she said excitedly, grinning from ear to ear.

“…The sun’s coming up,” I noted at the sky turning lighter and a few stars fading out of sight.

“Time to find the totem poles,” she said, searching it up on her phone.

“…It’s 5.9 kilometers away, Val.”

“…I don’t believe my ankle’s going to love me after that…. Shall we steal a car?”

“….”

“You really disapprove, huh? ‘Kay then, Let’s just head off to Kamloops… where we’ll be trading this big thing… for a stolen car….”

I could only sigh before scooping her up and snatching the blanket on my way to the ground. “Go steal a damn car. We’re going to the totem poles.”

A tiny excited cheer escaped from her as Valeriy scampered happily into the parking lot. With my hand clasp in hers.

When she tried to swing me towards the passenger side of a dirt caked sedan, I followed her instead. “I’ll drive.”

‘I’ll have to ask her how to pick a lock sometime.’

Would be better to have another option rather than breaking into everything.

A car with the door ripped off wouldn’t blend in.

Nobody else was awake, so nobody would notice us speeding down the road. Got us there in less than half the time. 4 minutes and 26 seconds.

“This is a big one,” Valeriy laughed, leaning against the dashboard with her face turned skywards.

13.74 meters tall. Red, black and turquoise painted over wood. 9 faces. Topped by a bird. Lit up by the rising sun.

“Let’s take a picture with it,” she said, setting up the phone gutted camera on the dashboard. She snapped a photo and fiddled with the settings. “We got a minute after I press this button to get into position. Going to count on you for a 5 second countdown.”

“I can do that.”

A beep sounded the press of the button and we both rushed out of the dirty car.

41 seconds.

We stood side by side next to the totem pole.

“We _could_ make this a little more interesting,” she said, leaning against the side of my arm.

“What do you suggest?”

34 seconds.

“How opposed would you be to me sitting on your shoulders?”

Easy enough to lift her over my head.

26 seconds.

“Oh, we’re going to look tiny next to this. Move closer to the car.”

“Here?”

“Probably more…. Oh! Oh! Better yet! We can cover the totem so when we put the glass on it, it’s us!”

‘That would be… here.’

“10 seconds.”

Valeriy giggled excitedly, fiddling with my hair. Pulling it back and out of my face.

“5. 4. 3. 2. 1.”

“CHEESE!!!”

I scrambled to hang onto her left leg when her right slipped off behind me with a downwards push against my shoulder. “Val, your ankle.”

“You worry too much, Bucky. Landing on my working leg. Just hold still for a couple of seconds.”

With that, her weight dropped off me. Hands braced against my back as support. Two taps on the way down.

Elbow to the side of the head. Target incapacitated.

“See? All good. Let’s check the photo. If either of us looks derpy, we’re retaking the photo again,” she explained, pulling me along behind her.

Her hand still wrapped up in that damn sleeve.

“Did I blink?”

“Nope,” she chirped, showing me the screen. “Even managed to capture that beautiful smile of yours.”

‘I was… smiling…?’

Not as widely as Valeriy in the photo or currently. But it was a smile.

“Holy shit…. We’re the exact same height as the totem pole….”

‘…I smiled…?’

“Here. Your turn.”

“Huh…?”

“For your copy?” Valeriy offered, holding out the phone gutted camera while fanning her face with a photo.

‘I was smiling….’

 

******

 

_“Think you can handle this?” I egged on, knowing full well he couldn’t turn down a challenge._

_Not even this wooden monstrosity of twists and turns. This is going to be awesome._

_“…Steve?”_

_He was standing next to me just a second ago._

_“Steve?! Where’d you go?”_

_Not a single head of blond hair at his height in the throng of people that surrounded me._

_“Steve!”_

_“I can do this all day.”_

_“Damn it, Stevie. Not this again.”_

_I could hear my heart pounding at my ears while I raced towards his voice. Almost missed the clattering of hollow metal on hollow metal._

_“Hey!” I yelled out, my fingers dug into a jacket. “Get the hell out of here! Or get your ass kicked.”_

_I threw the stranger into the garbage can._

_“I had him on the ropes, Punk.”_

_“We’re still going on the Cycl – ”_

_A blow to the side of my head knocked me to the ground._

Jerked me out of sleep.

The surroundings dim, lit up only by the headlights of the sedan. Stone walls laced with black holes sped away.

“Hey, hey. We’re safe here.”

“Valeriy?” I called out, cranking my stiff neck to the back of the car.

She was driving into darkness. At thirty kilometers an hour.

‘Are we… in a… tunnel system…?’

“Val! There’s a wall!”

I dropped the dart revolver in favor for the wheel and the emergency brakes only to have her arm blindly flail about to stop me.

“Bucky, no,” she chided. “And do not jump out of the car.”

“There’s a wall!!”

I tried to hide behind my arm. Even the metal one. But I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the wall we were headed straight for.

“Don’t worry about the wall.”

“We’re going to crash!! _Val!!!_ What happened to the – There’s another _wall_!!!”

“If it’ll make you feel better, you can just close your eyes,” the crazy woman suggested lightly, calmly switching gears, flinging the front end of the car and flooring the gas. All to make a tight turn while changing the direction she was driving.

“No! It wouldn’t! I would not feel better!”

“If you slept for the hour I told you to – ”

“ _Val_!!!”

“I feel that I’m going to lose my hearing before we get to – ”

“Why are there so many fucking walls!?!”

All I got was more laughter, which didn’t ease my nerves in the least. I couldn’t shoot the walls away. But somehow this wall was dodged with the floor suddenly dropping down into _another_ tunnel with _another_ _wall_.

“But seriously, if I mess up… would be very bad. And it’s been some years since I last did this… _So_ maybe don’t fight me for the wheel?””

“Where the hell are we?!”

“Canada?” she tried. Spinning the wheel completely turning the car to the right into a tunnel that I barely even saw.

The car continued to the right, up a long spiralling ramp. Turn offs at inconsistent intervals. Some even showing up as we drove by.

“Don’t just speed up at the moving wall!!!”

There was no pattern to the wall chomping across the tunnel. Erratically speeding up and slowing down. We were either going to crash right into it or the car was going to be cut in half.

“Nah. Formula says I have to go at this speed.”

“Formula? We… We made it… through…?”

 _Barely_.

“As long as we follow the formula, we’ll be fine. The security on this mountain is childish overkill but it’s one of the safest places I know. The mountain isn’t connected to our name or company. Nobody will look for either of us here.

“Best part is, Eve’s has a bunch of restrictions here, which means that whoever she’s scared of accessing her files won’t be able find this place. Short of massive explosives, they won’t be able to get to the location. That is if they can even find it.”

“She’s not going to be here either?”

“Eve? She’ll be here. One of the places she loves. But she’s not in charge of scrambling this maze or mountain security. Only hope of trying to mess with it is at the location, and one has to get through all this crazy ass shit to get there.”

‘…I… give up….’

I tried closing my eyes. Three seconds in, the nerves got to me. If we were going to crash, I wanted to see it coming.

I desperately wanted to grab the wheel. Or pull the emergency brake. Something to end this madness.

It looked like she knew what she was doing. The car hadn’t crashed. Yet. Even with all the near misses.

‘I should have just stayed sleeping….’

“How much longer of this?”

“Shouldn’t be more than another ten minutes? I just follow the formula until we get there. It’s basically never the same doing this.”

She sent me a grin, gunning straight at another wall. But we didn’t crash. We just went right through it. Into a curving room of polished black floors and high ceilings.

“Huh. I guess this time it worked out to be shorter?” Valeriy commented, slowing the car to a far more sensible speed. 21 kilometers.

A row of cars lined the smaller curve. 15 in total. Cars of all types and colors. One with the bumper barely hanging on. The other side had 5 motorcycles, 3 snowmobiles and 31 things I didn’t know the names of or recognize. One of which almost looked like a car.

Valeriy didn’t bother to park the car in line with the others. Just followed the curving ramping room to the end. 11 meters away from a set of doors sliding open.

“Welcome to the Soteria, Bucky. Here on out, we’re safe.”

“…We made it,” I repeated.

The stress of Hydra finding me. The stress of Jekyll grabbing Valeriy. The stress of that damn maze. All of it washed away with a soft exhale.

“…Yeah. We built this to get away from the insanity of the world. Somewhere where image and names don’t matter…. Anyways, feel free to poke around here for a bit. I need a few minutes up top. All the keys are tucked… somewhere. Eve knows. Just ask her.”

With that, she opened the door and exited the car.

“ _Congratulations. I see that you’re both alive and well,_ ” the A.I. ghost’s familiar voice echoing throughout the massive room.

“ _Eve_. I hate to admit it, but I did miss you.”

“ _I’m not entirely sure if the feeling is mutual. I had to fix a washing machine and replace a set of overpriced plates. I’m certain that’s not Mr. Barnes’ doing._ ”

“Oops? Sorry. I tried wash some stuff… on my own?”

As the elevator doors hid her from view, Valeriy gave a happy wave of her hand.

It was habit now. Searching an area to make sure it was safe. That there wasn’t anybody hiding. That there wasn’t a familiar face.

“ _...Mr. Barnes?_ ”

I looked up from the floor, checking under all the vehicles for anything that shouldn’t be there.

“Most of these cars can be tracked.”

“ _Yes, but not from inside a mountain. This is the safest place for Val._ ”

I came to a stop at a motorcycle that sported massive denting. A detached wheel. Bent in the middle.

Mangled was a good word for the mess.

“ _Took some time for her to pry it from the tree it was wrapped around…._ ”

With nothing left to do besides guessing what the various contraptions strewn about could be, I slipped into the driver’s seat of our stolen car. Parked it in line with the others and grabbed our bags just in time for the elevator doors to open again.

“Mhmh hm, Mhmmh! Hmm mmhm mhh hmhhmm!” Valeriy yelled through closed lips and stuffed cheeks. Waving me over with two of those altered oranges in hand.

And flanked by two massive dogs.

One completely white. The other a mix of red and white. Both of which sat with their ears just shy of her shoulder and staring right at me.

“ _Like, hurry up. I want to like, show you this_ totally _awesome place,_ ” Valeriy said.

But the young woman stared at the upper corner of the elevator in bewilderment. Cheeks still stuffed to the brim.

She made a gesture of an exaggerated shrug. With her arms shifting from side to side.

The A.I. ghost.

The A.I. ghost was using her voice.

Valeriy waved for me to step inside the large elevator again. Mumbling something while motioning to the dogs. Still chewing at a feverish pace.

“ _They like to like, maul anybody who like, doesn’t belong…. Val, hitting the elevator wall isn’t going to do anything to me…._ Fine _. Like the dogs totally wouldn’t bite you, homeboy,_ ” the A.I ghost said switching between accents and voices.

Valeriy quirked an eyebrow my way. “They – ”

“ _Like they’ll totally be friendly with like, you._ ”

“Ev – ”

“ _I totally like, ditzed out and like, totally forgot to tell you about like, the dogs._ ”

With a heavy sigh, the young woman shoved half a PRO into her mouth, munching away as fast as she could. Cheeks puffing out again.

But neither of them moved their eyes from me. Merely watching me. Their tails flicking from side to side. Slow and calm.

I took a few steps closer, waiting for a reaction from the dogs.

None. No response to the movement. Posture still relaxed.

“ _Like_ finally _…. Hey! Don’t go throwing fruit peels at – Val!_ ”

“Mmhm mmhm – !”

“ _Like get into the elevator already, homeboy. The place is like, humongous. I have like, a bajillion things I have to like, work on before I can like, sleep._ ”

The last sentence put a pause on Valeriy’s fruit peeling. Irritation flash across her face before she shoved another half of the PRO into her mouth.

“ _I’ll like, show you the outside like, when like, the sun’s not going to like, set on us. No point showing you like, total darkness._ ”

With a deep breath, I slipped into the elevator, the doors closing the moment I stepped passed them. Trapped in a room that felt far smaller than 6 meters by 24 meters. With two giant dogs and a young woman flicking red fruit peels at where I assume a tiny camera in the corner had to be.

“…What’s… what are their names?” I tried.

“ _He’s Zephyr and like, she’s Ixie,_ ” the A.I. ghost said in sync to Valeriy’s head shifting from the white dog to the red one.

Cautiously, I reached out towards the nearest dog. The white one. Waiting for it to snap. Teeth and all.

The bushy white tail wagged a tad faster. Head tipping forwards against my fingers. Pushed against them when the legs straightened up, taking a couple steps to me.

“Can I ta– ”

“ _Just like, don’t attack them and they won’t like, bite you. I’m like, more likely to like, bite than like, they are._ ”

The white fur was so soft. Fluffy and warm. Much like the blankets when I wake up. The ones that Valeriy’s been wrapping around me.

“Would you just – ”

“ _But you’ll totally like, love this place, homeboy._ ”

The ears were so soft. The head following after my hand. The fluffy tail hitting against the side of Valeriy’s stomach.

“Ev – ”

“ _But like, I got no idea as to where you’ll be like, sleeping. We don’t have like, guest rooms._ ”

When my ears popped, I paused. We weren’t just going straight up. Nor were we moving slow.

“Val…?”

“Hm – ”

“ _Like, there’s no reason to be anxious. We’re like, totally like, safe here._ ”

With an irritated expression on her face, Valeriy pulled out her phone and typed away. More than likely arguing with the A.I. ghost.

She didn’t even wait for the elevator doors to open to start walking. But she managed to time it just right. Kicking her shoes off in the process. Letting them land in two completely different spots.

The dogs trotted out after her.

I, on the other hand, automatically sat down to untie my boots before I dirtied the floors. Lined the four shoes up. Somewhere out of the way.

The room was massive. Big enough to fit the A.I. ghost’s D.C. house with extra room. Not a window in sight. Just shelves upon shelves covering the entire length of the walls. All twelve meters of it. They bent and curved, changing the room into a ten petal flower.

The five tables in the room were supported by shelves. The part couch part bed was made of shelves. All of them filled to the brim with numbered binders.

The floor was also odd. Not a single straight line to them. Warped squares getting larger the closer to the walls they got. Following the curve of the walls.

“Half the rooms down here are probably used as storage?” Valeriy said, tucking the phone away in her back pocket, and weaved her way behind a large robot arm.

Heavy machinery was scattered about the edge of the room. This seemed to be where a good portion of the unidentifiable things in the garage were made.

“And the walk in freezer is… this one?”

The young woman pushed the shelf on the left side of a petal and a door sized chunk of it gave into a room filled with cans and boxes. Food. The pantry.

“Nope… umm….”

She tried another shelf a petal over and revealed a brightly lit with plants growing out of white pipes that lined the wall. The next hidden door to the right was filled with blocks of wood. Then she found the laundry room. Then a bedroom.

“Uhh… that’s Tristen’s suite. Best butler ever and probably psychic…. We didn’t get away with much when he was around.”

The A.I. ghost was likely the one behind opening the door to the left of the one Valeriy had first tried.

“Ah, there it is. The freezer. I’ll just put a stack of stuff in front to let you know.”

“I can remember it…. Why is the room shaped like this?”

“We went a little crazy? It’s all based on the Fibonacci spiral. If you put a bunch of them together, you can get a swirly flower pattern thing…. Ah, we cut the silicone tiles into shapes it makes.”

That’s when I saw the spirals crisscrossing each other in the flooring.

The stairs were in a room hidden behind another shelf door. Unnecessarily wide but also curving much like the garage. When we stepped on them, they started to move. Like an escalator. That got narrower as we went until we came up from a hole in the floor of a room with far too many windows.

One window.

That covered the entire wall.

Eight meters tall. An entire wall of glass. Not just simple flat glass. Compound curves forced it into the petal shapes. Much like the shelves in the room below.

I couldn’t help but duck back under the floors. Rushing down a few steps to keep under. Flinching when Valeriy grabbed onto my hand.

And then the stairs stopped moving.

“Hey, we’re safe here, Bucky. Windows are better than the stuff used at the D.C. safe house and any satellite imaging of this area is automatically edited to be quite wrong. So it’s safe inside and safe to go outside too. Come on, I’ll show you how it looks.”

She gave a little tug. Pulling me along, right to the window. She pushed on the glass wall there, and it swung open a door to the outside.

I could feel the warm grass through the socks on my feet. The soil was soft to walk on.

A sloped clearing gave this spot just enough height to look over the surrounding trees. Gave a broad view of the mountain range.

Not a building in sight.

This was the perfect vantage point to see who was coming up.

The two dogs bounded down the slope, barking at each other and chasing a black bird.

When I turned to face the structure we came out of, all I saw was a massive mossy boulder. Blended right in. It even felt like a mossy boulder. Warm from the sun. Damp at the moss. As if it had been here when the mountain had formed. Except for the piece that swung out which revealed what was actually there.

I quickly ran to the other side to see what the landscape was there. With the pair of dogs trying to keep up.

“Stay in this clearing, Bucky! There are traps all over the place beyond that!” Valeriy yelled after me.

“Okay!”

A slender waterfall was about 1853 meters away from the north side of the fake boulder. I could see anyone coming down the cliff face.

If the satellites didn’t work here… no one would see unless it was with human eyes…

If I sat on top of the boulder… I would have a view of everything around.

‘…This place… I can protect it.’

“Shall we go back to Val?” I asked the dogs for some reason.

Ixie barked in response and Zephyr was already on his way to her.

I took the longer way, checking out the full perimeter.

“Satisfied that Soteria can hide you?” Valeriy questioned when she spotted me. A carefree smile back on her face.

I gave a nod.

“I’ll show you the land around when I got the time to. If you really have to go beyond the clearing, take one of the dogs. They should know their way around? Might be able to keep you safe from the bullshit security.”

My hand found hers again as we made our way back inside.

Valeriy and the dogs wiped their bare feet on the rug at the entrance. I slipped out of the socks while I had the chance before I could leave dirty footprints across the tiles.

“Eve, mind heating up the floors?”

“ _Toasty floors in two minutes._ ”

“Thank you,” she chirped back while pulling me down a curving hallway of shelves and binders. She tapped on the left shelf wall, away from the large room with the windows.

“That’s the parents’ room. Only been used once by Gramps, but don’t tell the parents that. I’d say best don’t go in there either? We just leave it be.”

Where two curves met at a point, she pushed in a shelf, pulling me into another room. Much smaller than the main room, but far bigger than any of the rooms at the safe house.

“This is my brother’s room. You can use it. He doesn’t mind…. Well, that is _if_ we can find the bloody bed….”

For a bedroom, there was no bed to be seen in the large space. Just the windows that faced the waterfall and followed the petal shape that was everywhere else. A single petal. Tables lined against the glass. The zigzagging walls were covered by shelves. Again filled with numbered binders.

“Are all the doors here shelves?” I asked, facing her to find the young woman prodding the ceiling with a wobbly four meter long stick.

“They weren’t in the beginning? We just kept running out of room for notes and stuff, so we kept adding them. The doors are easy enough to find. They’re all marked with a tiny glow in the dark spiral flower thingy. Just push there and the door should open…. Unless Eve’s fucking with you.

“Oh, and before I forget, the bathroom is shared. We wanted bigger bedrooms, though everything ended up stupidly big anyways…. But this room’s been set up for your privacy and Eve won’t use the cameras when you’re inside the bathroom.”

“Got it,” I said since she wouldn’t see a nod. Still too busy poking at the ceiling.

This was a lot of room to myself. A room larger than any in the safe house. Far larger than any of the rooms I could remember with… with….

A room with a hole in the ceiling at the rate she’s poking at it.

“What are you looking for in the ceiling?”

“The bed?”

“The bed’s in the ceiling….”

“Mine is? I couldn’t find it when Amber was here. We just share my bed. There’s a… crawl space? Something like that up there.”

‘That explains why the ceiling here is two meters lower….’

“…Damn shit. I honestly have no clue where he hides his bed.”

“I don’t need the bed, Val.”

“…Oh… right,” she mumbled, fiddling with the ruler and tapping it against the heated carpet. Never twice on the same spot. Still searching.

“Anything else I should know about this place? Would something jump out if I open the wrong door?”

“If there’s anything like that, Eve would probably lock it? _But_ you should never go into the tunnels without me. We won’t be able to find you again. I’d have better luck looking for you in the forest with all the traps, rock slides, wolves, mountain lions, bears – ”

“ _Val!!!_ ” the A.I. ghost screeched with such anger.

“Calm the fuck – oof!”

I wanted to run. To hide. Anything to get away from that voice demanding blood and pain.

But there was nowhere to go. She controlled the doors. She could lock us in or used them against us.

Impale…. Impale…? Tar…get?

“Bucky. Bucky? It’s alright, ‘kay? We’re safe here. Come on, give me the ruler. Bucky, please let me have the ruler before you use it as a bloody javelin.”

I let go at another tug, watching her throw it at the shelf and the metal stick just shrunk and stuck to the shelf.

‘Mag-magnets…?’

“ _Val! Move it!!_ ”

“Okay. Okay. Just stop yelling!” Valeriy’s fingers latched around my wrist, pulling on it. “Bucky, I need you to let go of me. We’re safe here. I just need to go take care of something, ‘kay?”

“I can help,” I quickly offered, hanging onto her when she tried shuffling out from under my leg.

“I don’t want you a part of this.” She scrambled to slip on those glasses of hers. “ _Ooh_ , this is a bloody fucking shit mess.”

“ _Now!_ ”

“Yup. Yup. Ass is on the move. Bucky, I’m sorry. _Please_ just stay out of this.”

Her hand tucked my hair behind my ear, resting against my cheek. An apology written clear across her features. From her smile to her eyebrows.

And then she was standing, almost running across the room. A shelf opened up for her. The angle hid what was on the other side of it.

“Valeriy….”

She didn’t hear me.

Her hand tapping against the earbud. “Cass D’amour signing in. Taking over tactical. Anybody who wants blood speak up. The rest of you – ”

With a slam, the door shut behind her. Not a single sound escaping into this room.

Leaving me alone.

With a pair of gigantic dogs.

‘They’re… They’re going to kill somebody….’

 

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes the RV road trip mini arc.  
> Had to take full advantage of the fact that Eve wasn't there so that part ended up far longer than the one chapter i had planned. But it turned out to be fun. Hopefully it was fun to read for you guys. 
> 
>  
> 
> Anybody out there missed Eve?
> 
> Anyone have any ideas as to what's going down with Eve and Val at the end of the chapter? What Val doesn't want Bucky involved in?
> 
>  
> 
> If you're interested, rough floor plans of the Basement level with all the shelves and the main level with the bedrooms and windows can be found here:  
> [ **Mosaic: Random Information**](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12764328)


	24. Bucky Barnes - Hot Chocolate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the couches at Soteria gets super complicated to explain. If you get confused, just click this link: [**Mosaic: Random Information**](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12764328)
> 
> Hopefully the pictures in there explains some of the weirdness of the place they're staying at. There's also general floor plans of the place.  
> And in a few minutes, I'll be putting up the Timeline of Mosaic in the second and third chapter if you're interesting in which chapters happened when.
> 
>  
> 
> Whoot! The holidays are here! It's even snowing where I am.  
> Happy Holidays everyone ^^
> 
> This chapter was beta-ed by the Anonymous Second Beta.
> 
> (Edit: For those who read this the first 12 hours I posted, I'm so sorry. I totally forgot to fill in the time blanks I left while writing.)

 

******

 

This place was so silent.

Nothing man made beyond the glass that surrounded me. The glass was thick enough to block any noise from the wind, the waterfall and the animals.

The only noise my ears could pick up were the blueberry skins popping under the pressure of my teeth and the mechanics in the arm humming. Slightly louder than usual since we arrived here.

The dogs using my thighs as pillows didn’t so much as snore in their sleep. The A.I. ghost hadn’t said a word in the last nine hours. Valeriy… she hasn’t left her room either.

Just the mountains and the sea of stars above.

Felt like another world.

So different from the bustling cities.

So different from hunting down a target.

So different from waiting to be picked up.

Without a sound, Zephyr woke up and the stairs lowered to the main floor. He scrambled down them. His nails scratching along each step.

Ixie still dead asleep on my lap.

Then a kitchen appliance below started up. Hums and clicks.

Lights and shadows painted the glass. The orange flames of a fire in the reflection.

57 seconds later, the swoosh of a shelf-door opening. The clattering of Zephyr’s claws against the floor tiles. Traveling through the kitchen for 23 seconds.

Carefully, I slipped out from under Ixie’s head, crawling my way to the ledge. Careful not to make a sound. Peered over the edge. A clear upside down view of the unlit kitchen below.

She stood there. Zephyr next to her. On the other side of the long counter. Unmoving. Arms crossed. Slowly shrinking in on herself.

A tiny sniffle could be heard over the crackle of burning logs.

An almost familiar pull had me pushing off against the floor and my body fell over the edge. A twist and a flip to keep my landing soft.

But she heard me anyways. Her head whipping around. Watery gray eyes honing in on me far too fast. A quick wipe against her arm to hide the tears. Shoulders straightened and squared off with me. Chin held up feigning poise. Lips parted to form words.

I shook my head. I wasn’t going to force her to talk. But something inside me, nudged me towards her, around the long counter.

Zephyr lunged forwards. Ears back. Teeth bared. Growling for me to keep away.

Valeriy reached out, tapping twice on his hind leg.

It was almost instantaneous with how he calmed down. Sitting at her side. Tail wagging leisurely behind him.

She sent me a smile. Forced and broken. Before turning back at the sound of hissing from one of the kitchen appliances.

Chocolate filled the air. A hint of cinnamon and oranges.

I made my way along the curving counter. Made sure my footsteps were loud and clear.

“Would you like a c-cup of….” Her scratchy voice broke with a frustrated huff.

Reaching out, I took hold of her hand. Waiting for her to slap me for being out of line. Waiting for her to yank it away from me.

She didn’t. Just a gentle squeeze in response.

“Is it…? Is it over?” I asked softly.

“The operation is…. But I still have a lot to do.”

“You could use a break, Valeriy.”

A huff, almost a laugh, escaped her before her head shook. “I’m fine.”

“…You’re not f – ”

“I’ve wasted more time than I should by being stuck in closets or cut off from the Ayers systems. I need to make up lost time.”

“You need food….”

“….” Her eyes darted to the side. To the steaming cup.

“Hot chocolate does not make a meal.”

“I have to get on the work Eve talked about when we arrived. Only more will pile up.”

“Just eat _something_ ,” I tried, searching around us for something to eat. “They’re cold now, but there’s a couple of cinnamon buns left.”

Baked from a tube. Same as the ones in the motorhome.

Her shoulder lifted in a shrug. “…Amber needs me right now.”

“Can I…? Let me help with this, Valeriy. She’s at the symposium at the moment, right? I can watch over her through the cameras.”

At her nod, the entire room lit up with that blue hologram of that place. The same as 22 days ago. Except it was packed with people. Miniature people. About a quarter of the average height. Wandering about the many stalls of a large room.

Far too many. Most of which were constantly moving. Couldn’t accurately count them all. Well in the thousands in this room alone. There were more in the floors above. In smaller rooms. Usually one to five people at one end facing the rest.

Roughly 6350 people.

One large person was marked in white. Likely the target. Wearing something similar to what I did five days ago. Though the features came off as male. Short hair. Full beard.

There were 7 marked in pink scattered about the area. All strategically placed. The A.I. ghost’s assets if one of the faces had anything to say about that.

The one who helped us across the border. But not the Asian face I last saw. She had on the face of the redheaded library employee who taught me how to use a computer.

Even more people were marked in purple. 89 suits. Reminded me of the people who whisked Valeriy off in a limo. Likely the target’s security team.

All of whom were strategically placed. Every movement of theirs dictated by where the target went.

The rest of the people were in gray.

‘I can do this.’

With a deep breath in, I set my eyes back on the young woman next to me who was still scanning everything. An empty expression on her face. A tremor in her fingers. Cracks in the mask she stubbornly hid behind.

“Let’s go sit down,” I suggested, grabbing the mug of hot chocolate. Guiding her towards the fireplace and the odd flower shaped couch that surrounded it.

I kept a secure hold on her in case she stumbled on the couch cushions. She sat down on the lower level and with her foot, rather violently shoved a cushion off its perch on the higher level.

Exactly the same thing as what the dogs did when I was searching for a place to sit down and eat. This was the only place here that had a table-like surface that one could sit at.

So taking the signal, I placed the mug at the center of the petal. Had to block Zephyr’s snout from dunking into the dark liquid. When that failed, the white dog tried burrowing into the tight ball Valeriy had curled up in.

When I tried to peel him off her, she stopped me.

“It’s fine,” she said, pulling a soft smile. “Zeph’s just making sure that I know I’m not al – It’s a habit of ours. Nothing to worry about.”

“…I’m going to go grab you some food and then we’ll sit here and watch over the tar – your friend. Make sure nothing happens to her.”

“O-okay.”

I moved away slowly. Slow enough for her to change her mind. Slow enough for her to stop me.

When she didn’t, I quickly plucked a plate from the cupboard and a cinnamon bun off the counter.

Barely managed to stop myself from punching the toaster oven when its door dropped open.

Couldn’t help but stare up at the ceiling.

The A.I. ghost.

This was her first movement since the angry screams.

Used the metal hand to toss the bun inside.

The door wasn’t closed. I had to close it myself. Had to pick the setting myself.

Waiting for the rods to warm, I chanced a glance at Valeriy. She had wrapped herself around Zephyr. Her hair glowed red in the fire light. So similar to blood running down fresh snow.

The toaster oven rang and I had to open the door. I placed the cinnamon bun and made my way back to Valeriy. Settling down on the upper petal on her left. The one that wasn’t being used as a table. It was close enough if she wanted to reach out. But far enough to give her some space.

“Here.”

She tried a smile. Took the plate. Sat it down next to the steaming mug.

Without having to turn her head to look, her hand wrapped around Zephyr’s snout. The smile on her face made me wanted to run. I knew what it meant. Pain.

“Don’t for a second think you can steal my shit, you sneaky little bastard,” she hissed in his face. A cruel grin pulling at the corners of her lips.

_“Does that stupid brain of yours actually think we wouldn’t find out about the two bodies you left twenty blocks away from the targets?!”_

_Various words were punctuated with a stomp to my stomach._

_“Or have we turned it to mush so much so that you can’t even remember that you went off protocol!?”_

_Gloved fingers roughly tangled into my wet hair. I couldn’t find the strength to lift myself up. The chains on my wrist too heavy to fight against. The other wouldn’t move no matter how I tried. Anything to ease my weight off the grip on my hair._

_All I could remember of that face was that twisted smile and the promise of pain behind it._

_“Pathetic excuse of a weapon. Can’t even function properly.”_

_A crunch hit my ears before pain bloomed from my nose. I couldn’t breathe. Choking on my own blood._

_“ – you’re going off narrative with him.”_

_“Not like the dumb dog can remember anything.”_

I couldn’t help myself. I grabbed Zephyr and hauled him up above my head. Out of her reach. “Plea… please don’t…. _Please_ …?”

That was when her mask disappeared and all that was left was confusion on her features.

“…Bucky… I’m not going to hurt Zeph…. Seriously?! Bucky’s trying to protect you and you’re bloody tail whacking him in the fucking _face!_?!”

I tried to tell her that it was fine. That none of this bothered me. But there was fur stuffed into my mouth every time it opened. So I did the only thing I could, and placed the white dog on the lower petal on the other side of me. Safe and away from her reach.

But Zephyr just ran right back to her. No longer trying for the bun. Tail still wagging. Curling up on her lap.

She neither hit him, nor did she push him away. Her fingers just scratched at his ear while her exhausted eyes stared up at me. Just for three seconds before they went back to the holograms. To the target. Searching for potential threats.

‘She’s not them,’ I had to remind myself, trying to unclench the tense muscles of my jaw.

“Sorry,” she started, “I didn’t mean to remind you of something… unpleasant…. Zeph and I… we just fell into old habits. He can be a sneaky little – he tends to chomp on food.”

That was true. Learned that with dinner. And with the cinnamon buns. Managed to finish one before I could stop him. And again, with the blueberries. Took 41 minutes to wash the purple off his white fur.

“I may or may not be holding onto a four year old grudge over a cookie. And yes, it’s over a fucking cookie, but the one bite I managed before this little bastard stole the rest was bloody amazing.”

“…Couldn’t you get another cookie…?” I asked, treading lightly having seen a flash of anger twist her lip.

‘She’s not them.’

But this was a lot of anger over a cookie.

She shook her head, sighing heavily. “…Devon managed to save one from when his friend dragged him into baking…. One. Just the _one_ …. So, yes, I’m holding a petty grudge but there’s no way in hell I’m letting that bloody shit repeat. And yes, I will bite you too if you try taking this bun back. _It’s_ _mine now_.”

With that, she finally took a bite of food. As she chewed, the anger faded and the teasing disappeared. Exhaustion took over. Her movements took effort. Forcing herself to take bite after bite.

‘She’s not _them_.’

So I reached out. Curled my fingers around hers. Held onto her hand.

Those exhausted eyes glanced down. A tiny smile touched her face. It wasn’t a mask she tried to wear.

Her fingers weaved between mine and tugged. Pulling until I moved. Until I slipped from the higher level to the spot next to her on the lower one.

Zephyr messily kicked out against the cushion to make room. Still curled up on her lap.

“Where’s Ixie?” she asked.

“She’s sleeping upstairs.”

“How _did_ you even find your way up there?”

“…I… climbed that,” I said pointing at the long piece of fabric hanging off the ceiling.

It drew a small laugh from her. “We wanted a fireman’s pole, but the parents would frown if they found a stripper pole. So we went with the aerial silks….”

Maybe she heard her name. Maybe she didn’t. But claws clattering on tile echoed over the fire. In one movement of stepping down to us, Ixie settled down. Mostly using Zephyr as a bed and my knee as a pillow.

“You can shove – I mean _move_ them if it’s too cramped,” she mumbled around the last bite of the cinnamon bun.

There wasn’t enough room for the three of us, let alone four.

But somehow, this weight didn’t seem constricting like with the metal restraints.

This was… comforting.

Warm.

Slightly familiar.

Valeriy shifted. Pulling up on my arm. Untucking her legs from under Zephyr. Leaning her back against my side. Watching a different direction of the holograms. Resting my arm over her shoulder and atop her curled up knees. Letting go of my hand in favor of the barely steaming mug of hot chocolate.

When I tried to move my arm back, she pressed down with her forearms. Stopping me for just a second before easing off on the pressure.

A pause passed between us.

Neither moving.

And then her head tilted to the side, resting against my shoulder.

So I left my arm there. Wrapped around her. Tucked just under her mug of hot chocolate.

We kept searching the feed for anything that could cause a problem to the target. Just a comforting silence between us. Nothing but the fire’s snaps and crackles.

And a couple of sniffles to my right. Valeriy made no notion that it was coming from her. But every time, I held her a little tighter.

Letting her know if she wanted to talk I was here.

Letting her know that I wasn’t asking and forcing her hand about the issue.

Letting her know that she wasn’t alone.

Neither of us said anything when Valeriy started maneuvering my fingers. Curling them into a fist. Pulling them straight. Pushing them apart. All with no rhyme or reason.

Reminded me of her nervous fidgeting, so I let her be. Whatever she wanted to do, I wouldn’t stop her.

She moved onto kneading at my bones. Drawing senseless patterns on the back of my hand. Tracing the lines of my palm. Following them down to my wrist.

I tried not to shift away from the tickling sensation. Did my best to stay relaxed. To not pull my arm back. To not shrink into a ball to protect all vulnerable spots. To not crush her with a ticklish jerk.

The target was always within arms’ reach of four of their people. She could be pulled in whichever direction at a moment’s notice.

People were even discreetly herded away by the third ring of security, crowding people to move on.

I had to wonder if they had a hand in the banners decorating the wall of windows. They limited visual access points from the outside.

Whoever was managing this detail left nothing open. The moment there could be an opening forming, people were moved to correct it. All bases were covered.

“That man,” I pointed out, pulling the image of him closer.

And the clearer his face got, the more something inside me churned and twisted.

“I’ve seen his face before. He’s… he’s….”

I couldn’t place him. Couldn’t conjure up a voice as to why I’ve seen him. Nothing more than a glimpse and a white coat.

“…I’ve seen him….”

His hologram flashed red and faded from the feed.

Three assets marked in pink weaved their way through the crowds. Close to where that man was last seen. Before they too, disappeared.

There wasn’t a single twitch from Valeriy. Her head stayed on my shoulder. Her hand still holding onto my fingers.

When I glanced down, I found her eyes shut. Asleep. Curled up in a tight little ball around my arm.

“Zephyr, mo – ”

“ _You don’t want to finish that word…._ ”

“…I just wanted to straighten her posture….”

“ _...I can’t find a way for you to do that without absurdity involved…. If you don’t mind, Mr. Barnes, please keep an eye on her. I see stupidity on the horizon._ ”

“What should I be watching – ”

Ixie suddenly got up from her sleep. Scrambled over to the pile of firewood before sinking her teeth into a log. A swing of her head later, the log flew into the fire. She threw another log in before curling back up right where she was. Atop of Zephyr and I. As if she never got up in the first place.

“…Wh-what should I be watching for…?”

“ _….I’m going to go back to… in Val’s words,_ moping _. Good day._ ”

 

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a shorter chapter, but I'm hoping to shorten them so I can update more often.  
> But this time, I've rewritten the chapter at least three times. I've split it since the second half of this still looks ugly.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's stayed with me so far! All the kudos brighten up my day (I check them like a crazy person) and all the comments keeps me going. ^^  
>  
> 
> This was a fun little moment to write. A bit of the old Bucky peeking through (mother hen mode). 
> 
> And why do you think Eve is "moping" about?  
> I would love to hear your theories about it.


	25. Bucky Barnes - Arachnid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter of 2018! Whoot!  
> Took longer than I hoped.  
> And writer's block is a pain to deal with....
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter was edited by the Anonymous Second Beta and the new beta TinselA. 
> 
> (Second beta is getting super swamped by school work, but I'm reluctant to let her go since she's been able to catch when my character end up out of character ><)

 

******

 

This was a far cry from sleeping in trees, atop rooftops and beneath bridges.

I couldn’t move my legs since the dogs’ heads were on them. A compromise when Valeriy started shoving Zephyr in her sleep. Had to move them over and the only way to stop them from piling on top of her again was to offer my legs.

I couldn’t lean back since Valeriy wormed her way behind me. Still hanging onto my hand. My arm still sported faint teeth marks from when I tried to go upstairs for my bowl of blueberries.

She reacted in her sleep. Yanking my hand closer to herself and then proceeded to bite, claw and kick her way until I stopped moving.

I dare not move.

Watching a family of bears walk by. A mother and three cubs.

I suppressed a flinch when the young woman behind me bolted upright.

“ _Eve_!! Why was I asleep?!” were the first words out of her mouth.

I quickly held onto her right hand before her desperate searching caused more damage. “Valeriy.”

She turned to me. Moments from falling into panic. “Amber. Where – ?”

“She’s on one of the jets. I don’t know which one. But they’re all on the way back. I watched the whole time… until the feed was cut….”

The young woman just deflated, letting gravity drag her into the space between me and the couch. “I’m a bloody awful friend…” she mumbled into my back.

I had to twist my torso to give her head a pat. “Nothing happened to her. You were…. I’m just going to grab you a glass of water….”

She didn’t stop me from leaving. She merely went for her phone, fingers dancing across the screen.

Ixie joined me in the kitchen area. Her head insistently nudged against my side.

Zephyr took my spot, though he ended up using Valeriy as a cushion for his bottom. His tail happily wagging against her arms.

“Doesn’t seem like there’s anything unsavory on any of the jets’ paths,” she grumbled.

“There are a lot of them. The jets.”

Twenty of them.

“Oh fucking stop tail whacking me, you little shitball!” she huffed, arms swinging about against the white fluffy tail. “Amber always travels with eight or more pairs of our latest jets modified to be combat ready. Always in pairs. Always different routes. Always randomly picked via rice roll right before leaving. The rest play decoy.”

“So, if a shitty friend does all this… what did you have planned originally?” I asked, holding the glass of water out to her.

“To be there,” she huffed before chugging the glass. “Taking Eve’s best people, having you watch, hav – yes, Amber had the best people dealing with – I _cannot_ let her down…. Not again.”

I pulled her to me, my hand patting the back of her head, while tugging the glass from her fingers. “Nothing happened to her. The tar – your friend is safe. We can watch the plane routes.”

“ _I have that_ handled _,_ ” the A.I. ghost cut in.

“I… should be showing you the mountain,” Valeriy mumbled into my shoulder. “The paths and areas to avoid. Important things.”

“That can…. wait,” I said.

From upstairs, I could see far.

She leaned back and smiled exhaustedly. “I used to go biking when…. It’d be nice to get some fresh air. Just give me some time to clean this mess,” she said, gesturing to herself. From head to toe.

“Maybe some food? I’ll make some toast.”

“…I guess I should…. ‘Kay, I’ll eat something.”

I found myself almost falling into the hand that tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear. The warm palm against my cheek eased the pressure of the tightly wound spring that always sat in my gut.

“I’m still taking a quick shower first,” she said lightly before heading for her room.

Anxiously, I busied myself in the kitchen.

An average of eight minutes before Valeriy would be finished with her quick showers.

“You two are likely starving by now,” I said to the pair of dogs. I sure was.

Their heads resting on the floor while their bodies hid on the couch. Ixie barked once before both of them joined me.

Plums were washed and sliced.

Leftover fried rice went into three bowls and into the microwave.

“Zephyr, I see you going for the fruits,” I chided. “Remember how long it took me to get that stain out of your fur from the blueberries? Do we want to go through that again?”

He actually stuck his nose in the air with a huff before going back to crowding the side of me that Ixie wasn’t occupying.

Defrosted meat went into the pan.

‘…Try number two.’

Maybe this time the meat wouldn’t be so tough.

PROs were peeled and separated into slices.

Cooked meat was diced into cubes.

Cubed meat was tossed with the fried rice.

Bread went into the toaster oven.

The dogs were already digging into their bowls. While the bowls were still on the counter.

With how tough and chewy the meat was, the dogs likely swallowed them whole again.

The little oven door opened for the toast to cool.

Three dirtied bowls went into the sink.

Milk was poured into a glass.

Butter went on toast.

A comb made sure that no rice was left stuck on their soft fur.

A brush was next.

All this was calming. Something to keep my mind off of everything.

Simple and easy.

No blood.

No pain.

Just wagging tails and a lot of fur. Everywhere. On the dogs. On the couch. On me.

While I combed one, the other slept against me.

A woosh of a shelf opening and Valeriy walked out. Looking better than ten minutes ago. Less haggard and dejected.

“Your breakfast is on the counter,” I told her. “I should be done here by the time you finish eating.”

“Uhh… yeah… sure… thanks…” she mumbled, picking up the plate and glass of milk. Another violently shoved cushion made a second makeshift table for her to eat at.

Zephyr got up from beside me to curl around the young woman instead.

“Oi, you sneaky little bastard, no. Bucky made this for me. _Mine_ ,” she snipped, looking just about ready to bite him for trying to steal her toast.

I gave Ixie a pat on the side. “I’m done with you. Zephyr, switch,” I told the dogs, hoping to avoid another round of bickering.

“…You really like them, huh?”

I nodded. “I think… I think I liked dogs….”

“…Maybe we’ll run into a bobcat or two. See if you like cats?”

Another mechanical hum joined the noises of the building. This time from above. A television folded out from the ceiling. Lowered seven meters. A comfortable height without having to crane the neck.

The black screen turned on. A spotted feline with pointy ears showed up. Then a familiar hand slid into the shaky footage. With a hiss, the cat lunged. The footage turned around, racing towards a dirt caked bike.

“Okay. _So_ maybe trying to pet one was – _is_ not the brightest idea,” Valeriy pouted when another reel of another bobcat played on the screen. “But hey, the vibranium alloy plates are uber scratch resistant…?”

‘That coat does look really soft…’ I thought, watching a third failed attempt to pet another bobcat.

“ _How many times must I remind you not to interact with the wild life? You cannot let them believe humans are friendly creatures. They’ll be killed if they do._ ”

Valeriy sighed shaking her head from side to side.

“Alright, your turn,” I called out to her.

She laughed, shaking her head. “Yeah, no Bucky. First you use my brush on them and now you want to use it on me? I can see the white hairs on that thing from here.”

“Your hair’s tangled up in here too.”

“Come on, let’s just get to the mountain. I still have a bunch of work to do.”

Dirty dishes went into the kitchen sink.

The four of us went into the basement and then the elevator.

“I was… thinking…” I started.

“About?”

“You don’t have to show me around today.”

“I’m _fine_.”

“Your ankle isn’t.”

“So I take it that the dirt bikes are a no?”

“Val, that one is bent in half,” I stated, pointing at the mangled mess.

“To be fair, I wasn’t actually on it when it decided to hug a tree.”

“….”

“I was… falling off a tree branch… when that… umm, happened…? ‘Kay, fine. No motorbikes for the next little while. We’ll just take something else for a spin.”

“Is there something that’s… _safe_?”

“Depends if the Arachnid is still….”

Her hand knocked along the wall before some other section 93 centimeters away rose. Behind it was an eight legged contraption. Looked less like transportation than a 4 by 4 meters claw ready to crush us. All of it painted in different shades of green and brown.

“It’s still here,” she said smiling fondly at monstrosity.

I grabbed onto her when she tried to get close to that… _thing_.

“…Bucky…?”

“…You’re sure this is safe to be around?”

“Yup. Perfectly safe…. As long as you don’t fall off…. Or get stomped on…. Or get caught in the gears…. But yeah, totally safe,” she stated, sounding not even a bit convincing. Even with that bright grin slapped onto her face.

“How is this even safe…?”

“…There are handles on the platform you can grab onto if you’re nervous?”

I had to make sure myself. Balanced precariously between two of the legs. Using the lattice structure as steps to get high enough to see.

Drop body on head. Target incapacitated.

A circular platform. 138 centimeters wide. Lined with a cushion. Two metal handles on opposite sides. A little spiral flower on the edge. A game console controller perched in the middle.

“Does it pass inspection? Can I be let down yet?”

Reluctantly, I placed her on the right side and hopped on, staying to her left. Made sure I knew the handle’s location. If she fell off, I’d be close enough to prevent that.

And then she shuffled to face the other way. Controller in hand.

Her laughter bounced off the curving walls, as I switched our spots. All the while, she was trying to put on her glasses without jabbing out an eye.

Valeriy tapped on the little spiral flower. “This is the front. Now time to wake her up.”

She held down a button and a couple seconds later, it hummed to life. She pushed forwards on the left joystick and the eight legs worked together to move forwards.

Far faster than I thought it could.

Right over the unidentifiable contraptions.

Crawling straight for a wall.

I could hear the handle squealing against metal fingers.

“Val?” I called out nervously.

“I’m not going to run us into walls,” was her immediate response. Laughter just bubbling under the surface.

The machine stopped with a jerk. Slapping up at the wall as the platform swung towards it with the momentum, she plucked a small silver box from the hidden compartment before the door could drop back in place.

A click from the box and the wall to the right opened up. The legs of the machine scuttled to the side a couple of steps before it raced down a dimly lit tunnel.

“Before you close the wall,” I said quickly, glancing behind us where two winged balls hovered. Cameras. Cameras likely matched the obscured lens of her glasses.

“Hmm?”

“Can they come with us?” I asked, motioning to Ixie and Zephyr. “They need exercise, and I think running laps around the boulder was boring for them.”

“…Uhhh _sure_ …. Zeph! Ix! You’re going for a run! Keep up!”

Over the gears, hydraulics, and clunks of the metal feet, I could barely make out the nails of the dogs running after us.

We came out of the mountain from the cliff. Near the waterfall. North of the fake boulder.

“I’ll show the perimeter route you can take!” she yelled over the water’s rumble. “Never stray off it! We do what we can to deter people from getting this close with false information and difficult to deal with terrain. But this high up, we’re using things that end up with dead bodies. If you do step off the path, just stay where you are and I’ll come find you.”

“Got it.”

I couldn’t help but duck when we dove into the treeline.

But Valeriy maneuvered the height of the platform, the legs, everything to make this large hunk of metal move through the trees like the wind. As if this was an extension of herself.

Four legs were always on a surface. Four legs were always on the move. Alternating between each other seamlessly with each combination of buttons she pushed. The harsh sloping ground, the rocks, the trees, none of them made a difference. Even if one leg slipped, the others held up.

The only thing that wasn’t smooth with the controls was when the platform would jerk when it spun. Sometimes from the twitch in her right hand. Most of the time it was due to pushing the sliding button too far too fast. There were times I felt like I’d spin right off the side with the adjustments.

Ixie and Zephyr trailed behind us. Finding their way over the stream by jumping from rock to rock.

I couldn’t help myself from scooting back when a drop came to sight. Grabbed onto the back of her shirt. We weren’t slowing down. By the time the platform we sat on spun to face the new direction, the legs were already going that way.

4.9 kilometer to the cliffs. On a winding path. Not an easy route to run. Barely any flat stretches.

Push over the cliff. Target incapacitated.

“I’ll show you some routes on the cliff when I’m more healed. It’s a fun climb…? If the rock slides aren’t set off….”

No matter how relaxed she was, I still tugged her closer. Away from the platform’s edge. Away from the cliff and the valley below.

The river there had to flow around a dam made of branches and twigs. A couple of brown coated animals swam in the pond upstream of it.

“What are those? On the dam.”

“…Dam…. _What_ dam?”

When she showed no signs of slowing, I grabbed the back of her head to stop her glancing below. Only one misstep to tumble down the cliff.

“What is it made of?” she asked with a laugh.

“Wood. Branches and twigs.”

“Do the builders have a big flat tail like a tennis racket?”

An image of a yellow ball came to mind and a net of some sort.

“…I think so.”

“Beavers. They too, don’t much like being approached and they like dropping trees. Keep an ear out for that if you’re ever down by there…. Bucky…?”

I hummed in response, still watching at the beavers going about their day.

“About last night… Eve’s….”

“She lost one of her asse-people last night.” Wasn’t hard to piece that together.

“…If only it was just the one…” Valeriy mumbled. The one visible gray eye sent me a glance. Calculating. “I… don’t really know what you managed to figure out over the last few days…. Eve… the kid she wants… wanted – ”

“She had you help kill a kid!?!”

“Nonononono. _Noooo_.”

The spider machine jerked to a stop.

The platform swayed with the momentum.

The controller dropped against the cushion.

Valeriy turned to face me. One eye obscured by a blacked out lens and the other hidden behind the glare of the sun’s reflection off her glasses.

“The operation last night wasn’t about killing any kids…. Though a lot of them did die…. It was a huge fucking bloody mess. By the time I signed on, one of Eve’s Puppets was already dead, another one was halfway there, and a third about to be swarmed…. It was supposed to be a simple rescue mission. Grab the boy. That was the main goal. Most of us wanted to get the rest of them out too…. So we did…. But then… then….”

She curled up into a ball. Hugging her knees.

“The rescue team…. The kid Eve wants-wanted… he-he tripped on… on a bloody fucking landmine. We couldn’t stop the kids…. They just – they _scattered_. Set off more…. I-I I can still hear their screams. Right in my ear.”

Carefully, I wrapped my arm behind her, tugging her hands down from her ears.

I knew those ghost screams. When the quiet gets too loud and all I could hear were the screams of those I’ve killed.

“Val… Valeriy, can you hear the beavers in the river? Their tails hitting the branches. The water drops on the lake surface.”

“Bucky,” she sighed, head leaning against mine, “my ears aren’t good enough to hear water droplets from way up here….”

“We’re going back to the boulder,” I stated, picking up the controller.

Shouldn’t be too difficult. I knew what most of the buttons did from watching her. So I carefully pushed the sliding button to spin us around.

The mechanisms in the thumb skipped when I tried to place it on the mushroom shaped stick button. Twitched in the direction of the cliff.

And the legs moved right for that direction.

I grabbed onto Valeriy and leapt for the treeline. Covering the back of her head with my hand and tucking her face against my chest.

Praying that the weapon of an arm would cooperate this time and not send us flying. That it could take the brunt of the landing and roll out most of the momentum while I fell on my back instead atop of her.

If it wasn’t for the sigh that left her, I would have thought she’d been knocked out from how still she stayed.

A bark was all the warning we got, before a large shadow loomed over us.

“Ixie! Don’t you dare – _fuck!!!_ I hate the bloody both of you asshats! How’d this go sideways so fucking fast?” the young woman groaned.

It was dumb luck that the metal arm was resting on her back. I doubt the metal cast wrapped around her ribcage could handle the 173 kilograms of two dogs.

On the third thump of her face against my chest, I held up her head. Moving with her when she tried to get around my hand.

“I’m sorry,” I started. “The thumb twitched. I-I didn’t mean to – ”

“The Arachnid is fine.”

“What?”

It was. It was just standing there. Five legs over the cliff. Completely fine.

“How is it…?”

I pushed off of it to jump. It should have toppled over. More than half of it was over the edge. But it stood there with only a slight sway.

“As long as it has a foothold, it’s fine,” Valeriy explained as if that made sense. “It can even climb about the cliff. It’s ‘bout the same trickiness as weaving between the trees? You did ask for safe.”

Curiosity got the better of me, and I plucked the glasses from her face. The obscured lens showed an image of the eight legged machine from behind. Far enough to see all around it. Far enough to see the pile we were in.

Those exhausted pale eyes finally opened, blinking a few times before staring down at me. A small smile pulled on her lips. “It helps me navigate.”

I lifted the dogs a little higher, nudging her until she rolled out from under them. Her head stayed resting on my arm. Before the weapon of an arm could send the pair of dogs over the cliff, I dropped all the weight onto me. Part of me wondering what the A.I. ghost’s warning about telling the dogs to move was about.

“Alright you two, get off of m – oof!”

Valeriy’s hand couldn’t cover my mouth fast enough.

Ixie and Zephyr launched off of me at my words. Nothing gentle in their movements. Powerful legs kicking out to send them sailing through the air.

“Fuck,” the young woman swore. “Should have warned you they tend to use people as bloody springboards. Sorry. They’re little bastards.”

“They’re not bad,” I found myself arguing.

“Yeah, okay…. They’re not bad…. Have they hurt you?”

The nails of her hand scratch along the side of my face. Light and gentle.

“Nothing I can’t handle.”

My head pressed against her fingers. Enjoying the peace they brought with them.

Not much of worry out here.

Not a human in sight.

Just the clouds passing above us.

I could hear a strong wind approach, before I could feel it across my skin. The roar of the rustling leaves sent birds to the skies.

By how Valeriy wasn’t blowing at her hair to move it off her face, she was likely asleep again.

And again, Ixie and Zephyr had found a comfortable spot. Their heads resting on our stomachs.

Everything felt warm. Outside by the sunrays. Inside by those around me.

The moment my eyes grew heavy, a sharp grating beeping pattern cut through the peace.

Valeriy blindly answered the call. Making use of the earbud she usually wore. A grumble escaped out of her throat as she rolled into my side.

“Everything’s fine,” were the first words blurted from the other side. Female.

“…Sparks… _why_ are you calling me?” she said slowly, sitting up. All the seriousness she held the night before returning to her posture.

“Amber told me to call. She wanted you to know that she returned home fine.”

“Oh-okay…. Thanks for letting me know.”

“Nothing happened the whole trip. No dangers popped up but I got to say, she’s far better behaved than your family ever was.”

Valeriy’s shoulders shrugged. “Sorry?”

“…Are the two of you fighting? She’s always made this call.”

“Huh? I’ve got no bloody idea as to what the hell you’re going on about.”

A lie.

Her voice was steady, but the rest of her wasn’t.

“I just thought – forget it. Do you have any more injuries since I last saw you?” the other woman questioned.

Valeriy looked at me with an apology written across her brow. “Nothing because of him. He prevented a few of my… cooking mishaps? I’ve learned I don’t know how to cook.”

“….”

“Thanks for checking in.” She hung up with a heavy sigh.

I could hear every strand of her hair snapping when they tangled into the joints of the metal cast around her right hand. Before she could run her hands through her hair again, I placed mine on her back. Her warmth bleeding through the thin fabric of her shirt.

“…I wish the rest of the world would just melt away…” she mumbled with a heavy sigh.

“We can stay here a little longer,” I suggested.

“…I have to get back to work. I’ll be broke in about an hour or so…. Stay and enjoy the sun awhile, Bucky. If you want. Just retrace your steps to get back to Soteria, or follow Ixie,” she said, picking up the controller off the dirt.

“Take what she gave me.”

“Huh? Eve gave you what?”

“The gold she talked about. For finding the flaws in your security plans.”

Valeriy laughed, turning away from the monstrous machine in front of us. “I can’t take that.”

“Why not?”

“You earned that.”

“I don’t know what to do with so much.”

“Squirrel it away for a rainy day? You don’t even know what I need money for.”

“If it was to finance an assassination, you would have told me to stay out of it. Whatever it is, it’s important to you.”

“…You trust me a little too much, Bucky. What if the important thing to me was a shit load of heroin?”

“You’ve said you’re an addict and in the last five days, you haven’t eyed your pain killers once. It’s about those children from last night, isn’t it? If there were landmines… they’re hurt…. You want to help them. Even before last night. I saw you looking up psychiatrists in the motorhome. Everybody you greenlit is young. Very young. Or at least looks young. Younger than you do.”

Her shoulders shrugged. “…Figured they’re probably sick of adults. Snatched up every baby-faced head doc I could…. Now they need some miracles. But you’ve bought them a good chunk of time. Thanks for doing this, Bucky.”

There was more. There was more she wanted to say in the way her fingers fidgeted. Yanking up blades of grass. Flicking little pebbles towards the cliff. A couple of them managed to fly over it.

The huge octopedal machine stayed perched with five legs over the cliff, it didn’t move when a pebble hit it. Barely swayed in the wind. No signs of tipping over.

“What is it…?” I asked, tugging on a lock of her long hair. Watching the sunlight turn it so very red.

As her mouth parted to say something, another sharp beeping of a different pattern cut through the air. “Not a sound, Bucky.” This time, she answered it while scrambling for the eight legged ride. “D’amour.”

I raced after her. Not believing that she wouldn’t topple over the cliff’s edge right with the machine she was clambering up. Her hands clung onto the rungs when I tried to pull her off the thing.

“Sparks.”

‘Why is she calling again?’

When I managed to get her to let go, the platform swung down. Scooped us right up and the legs pushed off into a jump.

“Am I needed?” Valeriy demanded.

I tried to keep her from sliding off as the legs landed and sped along the cliff side. Going far faster than before. All the while, she struggled to keep the controller away from me.

“No. There’s no horrible situation going downhill at the moment… that I know of…. Are you in the middle of something? I can call back.”

At those words, Valeriy slowed down the beast. Just barely. But enough for the dogs to eventually catch up. Wherever they were, I could no longer see them.

“Whatever it is, spit it out, Sparks.”

“ _So_ …” the librarian started, “…I’ve been looking over last night’s operation in Congo…. There’s nothing that you could have done to change what happened. Those deaths aren’t on you.”

Valeriy huffed a forced laugh. “Costa, Sarkisian, Tran, Pandev…. All of them would be alive if _I_ hadn’t put you on Mochi. You and the one Eve won’t tell me about.”

“The one who has me working up a sweat to keep my title as best Puppet? That person? We would have made little change. Maybe Costa might have survived. Tran would have still pulled that hot headed stunt. The children and the Puppets killed by the landmines would still be dead. Nothing anyone could have done.”

“Next time we deal with children, remind me to have them strapped onto our backs.”

“I feel that would prove more of a hindrance…. A few of us will be spending our free time cleaning as much money as we can of any connection to Ayers. The name can’t be tied to helping the children. But they need all the money they can get.”

“Thanks for lending a hand.”

“If you can’t get enough, I suggest you use the Ayers system put in place to find your replacement. Call Cookie Dough…” the librarian hedged, “…She… She knows someone….”

“I guess you’re not the only one with somebody after their job.”

“You should get on with DeLafée and Éclair’s last minute changes. They’re getting upset with the little vacation you’ve taken, and you’re the one who has two contenders for their job. I’ve just the one.”

“Is that all?”

“Oh, I almost forgot, Mochi’s been delivered safe and sound.”

“Thanks for reporting in. I’ll see what money I can funnel your way.”

“We have some to work with. A bunch of us pitched in.”

With that, the line went dead and another heavy sigh escaped the young woman beside me. “…Cass should be the last person the Puppets worry about…. Yeah, wasn’t kidding about how very few people know we’re the same person. None of the Puppets know, and they’ll never find out. Would most definitely shatter their faith in the name if they did….”

“You’re rather amazing as yourself.”

“Bucky, you see a me that they’ll never hear of.” The smile she sent my way was tired, but there was warmth to it.

Maybe hiding behind masks and names wasn’t something she always wanted.

Another spin of the platform later, we were going through the trees again.

3.6 Kilometers along the clifftop.

“…When we get back, I could use your help with finding any holes in your security systems.”

“I… I want to help… but I don’t want to replace you.”

“Well, for that to even come close to happening, I have to first keep said fucking job. Got to deal with the parent’s shenanigans before anything else. After things have calmed some, I’ll get cracking on that arm of yours. See if I can find what’s still skipping in there.”

“Maybe after you’re healed.”

“…I’ll take that into consideration,” she said, flashing me a grin.

6.1 Kilometers to the waterfall. The path just as winding and difficult as when we started.

The way she backed the eight legged machine into its cave made it feel like a living beast returning home. Smoothly. Legs curling close to the platform. As if done every day of its life. A habit.

Valeriy moved with the clear intent to _leap off_.

Do nothing. Target incapacitated.

Reflexively, my hand shot out to grab onto her.

I found myself unable to expect her to do anything else other than jump.

So I carried her down with me.

Not bothering to set her on her feet. Not until we were in the elevator. Dogs and all.

“You’re sure about your money?” Valeriy questioned, her hand trailing down my arm in what felt like thanks.

Nodding was easy. Those children need the money and I wasn’t using any of it. We used some of the cash on the trip here, but that didn’t even put a dent to what was in the bag.

“Eve, you paying attention?”

“ _What do you take me for?_ ” the A.I. ghost snapped as we exited the elevator.

“Send Bucky’s gold Sparks’ way.”

“ _…I’ll be on it after the funerals._ ”

“Some of those kids don’t have that kind of time.”

“ _I don’t care! My children…. My children are dead because of them!!!_ Dead _!!!_ ”

_“MY BABIES!!!”_

_“You monster!!!”_

_“Nonononopleasepleasepleasepleasebaby baby open your eyes please!!”_

Fingers, wrapped tightly around mine, pushed away the screams.

Still, the panic only grew. For what I had done. For what’s happening.

But she held on tight. Even as she threw her body into opening the rather heavy shelf door to the stairs. She kept a hold on my hand.

“You had the night to weep. There’s nothing more we can do for them, Eve. I did my job. I helped you kill every single one of those human trafficking pedo fat fucks. You’ve had your reven – ”

I pulled on her hand. Silently begging for her to stop.

Valeriy took a deep breath in. Eyes closing for a moment. “I only need your information and rendering capabilities. The rest of you can continue grieving but those kids need all the help they can get.”

“… _I take it that Mr. Barnes shall be lending a hand in this mess?_ ”

Valeriy glanced back at me, and I nodded in agreement.

“Yup,” the young woman chirped.

“ _...Fine…. I’ll have everything set up for when he wakes. He hasn’t slept since you attacked him in your sleep._ ”

“I did _what_? Oh shit.”

She lifted our hands towards her face.

I expected teeth to sink into my skin again.

“I’m sorry, Bucky.”

But it was a pair of lips pressed against my knuckle. Done so very softly.

  

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I decided to go back into chapter 21 (Valeriy Ayers - Repeat) to change this line  
> "Dart gun in drawer. Gun in cabinet. Knife under mattress." (When Val tripped over a sleeping Bucky)  
> to this  
> "Dart thingy in drawer. Pew pew in cabinet. Stabby thing under mattress."
> 
> I usually refused to change anything besides typos but I really wanted to use this. It fits Val's character better too.
> 
>  
> 
> And lastly, what did you guys think of the hand kiss? Would love to hear your thoughts.


	26. Valeriy Ayers - Not Them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The betas of this chapter are Tinsela and a newcomer who will be called Anonymous fifth beta has joined in on making Mosaic readable. ^^
> 
> (School is my worst enemy. It keeps taking my betas T^T.)

  

******

 

2014 07 09 21 58 + Mini van = Continuous left turn at 20 km/hr.

_“Cass D’amour signing in. Taking over tactical. Anybody who wants blood speak up. The rest of you follow Gillespie’s lead on rescue.”_

2014 07 09 26 13 + Mini van = Reverse at 50 km/hr.

_“Tran.”_

_“Roth.”_

_“Sarkisian.”_

_“Costa.”_

_“Novikov.”_

2014 07 09 31 57 + Mini van = Straight at 10 km/hr.

_“Tran. Hide in the closest room. Let the men pass – ”_

_“I can do this!”_

_“What the hell are you doing!? Get into the damn room!! NOW!!”_

_“No! I can – ”_

_“….”_

2014 07 09 36 24 + Mini van = Right turn at 20 km/hr.

_“Costa. Don’t. You’ll die trying to get to her.”_

_“She’s still alive, D’amour! I can’t just – ”_

_“She’ll bleed out in a few more seconds. There’s no need for you to die for her stupidity. You can collect her body after we deal with these assholes.”_

2014 07 09 40 42 + Mini van = Right turn at 10 km/hr.

_“They’ve passed all of you. Take them out.”_

_Gunfire filled the communications line until an explosion cut everything off._

_“What just happened?”_

2014 07 09 46 31 + Mini van = Straight at 100 km/hr.

‘Finally,’ I couldn’t help but think when the formula told me to drive straight into a wall.

The fluorescent lights above could not be more homely compared to the tunnels. The process was no longer as fun and cool as it was almost ten years ago.

I left the borrowed car parked by the elevator, while I moved the boxes of food into the elevator.

_“My eye! There’s – There’s something sticking out of my eye!!!”_

_“Gillespie?! Was that Gillespie?! What are we going to do without our medic!? Roth’s bleeding out here!!!”_

_“Wait! Don’t – !”_

_Explosion after explosion cluttered the line. Terrified screams of little kids mingled in between them._

_“Stop run – !!!”_

A box of frozen things went into the walk in freezer, another box went into the fridge, and a third went into the pantry. As for the last box, that went up with me. Lightest of the boxes.

The higher I got on the escalator stairs the louder the voices upstairs were.

“ – _swer is still no,_ ” one of them Eve’s.

“You can’t leave her defenseless,” the other was Bucky’s. Confused and irritated.

“ _She’s safe here and the idiot’s far from defenseless._ ”

“She has professionals after her. Those people at the park 37 days ago and in Edmonton 5 days ago were special ops. She needs to learn how to protect herself if she’s to stand a chance…. You’ve trained your assets, why not her?”

“ _She’s…. I pulled Sparks from teaching her. I can easily stop you._ ”

“Hydra knows about her!”

“ _Hydra’s in the picture because of you._ ”

‘That’s a low blow. You’re the asshat who keeps bringing them back into the picture,’ I thought, knowing well I couldn’t ever speak the words. Not without Bucky blowing another gasket about how dangerous they are.

“ _I won’t risk more of my children because she decides to throw a hissy fit. She’s not worth it. She can survive on the wits she has now. She doesn’t need more ways to kill._ ”

I tapped the wall again, signalling for the stairs to continue moving upwards. Too lazy to get up onto my feet. “She’s not wrong, Bucky,” I said, feeling rather tired of everything. “I’ve been… quite the handful.”

“But… you were so excited to learn…” he mumbled. His eyes dropped to a little section of floor in front of him. His lips almost set in an outright pout.

“I am. Just that I also know I have a particularly vicious temper? One bout of which ended up with a Puppet getting his neck broken… by me… and they were only trying to keep me alive through the bloody mess… I made…. He was only… he tried to stop me when I was trying to kill a dead body…?”

“ _All that because she found Amber in a state where she should be dead. Val’s the one who decided the whole building should have their organs harvested as well. A broken neck would be the least of my worries if that repeated and she had proper combative abilities._ ”

I never regretted a single life I took that night.

_Until now._

Being under those big sad puppy eyes had me wishing I was a better person. Maybe I wouldn’t be such a disappointment.

I knew there were people there who had nothing to do with what had happened to Amber. _I knew that._ But I blamed them all the same.

They let it happen.

_I let it happen._

“…You shouldn’t be the one teaching me, Bucky. You don’t want to hurt people, and teaching somebody like me would be the exact opposite of that….”

My eyes dropped down to the box in my hand and my shoulder shrugged a tad.

“Do you… Do you still want your box of cinnamon buns?”

Still, his features were contorted with such conflict. Brows furrowed. Bottom lip bitten. Eyes lowered.

The light box of pastries couldn’t be any heavier as I tried to push it onto the floor. The shake in my left hand. The twitch in my right. They weren’t the reason why the box felt so damn heavy.

A double pat on the step I sat on, and Eve sent me back down.

“Dead bodies tend to pile around my family…. I’ll give you space,” I quickly said, rising onto my feet.

My legs took me downstairs faster than if it was only the stairs moving on their own.

Soteria was more than big enough for us to never cross paths in here. I could always move around during his hour of sleep. I could spend my days in my room. It’d be simple to never see each other.

Fingers wrapped around my arm just as my toes touched the last step. My heart almost escaped out my throat, but I couldn’t stop the scream of surprise.

“Val, wait.” Bucky kept his voice soft. “I…. I just…. Please don’t go.”

His grip tightened ever so slightly. Not nearly enough to block blood flow but enough to tell me to stay.

I could easily slip out of his hold. I could easily walk away.

But being the cause of the hurt in those eyes… that wouldn’t be easy.

So my feet stayed planted where they were, my eyes staring at them like they were the most interesting things in the world. Anything to not see the pain I could feel from how he struggled to keep his hold on my arm light.

“Valeriy….”

His gloved hand reached up for my chin. Probably to tilt it up. But before those fingers could touch me, they clenched into a tight fist, the leather squeaking under the pressure.

Even though my eyes were burning holes into our toes, I could practically see his face twist in self-loathing about the cybernetic.

‘…I still have to figure out how to fix the last bit of it…’ I thought, watching one of his gloved fingers twitch.

“You’re not them….” He said.

_Them._

I could almost laugh at the thought.

 _Almost_.

“That’s exactly who I am!” I yelled, shoving him away.

But he didn’t move. Instead, my back slammed into the wall, and the pins holding my bones in place shifted from the impact. The pain that shot up to my brain dropped me to my knees, leaving me gasping for air.

“Val…” he called out softly, kneeling down to my level.

“ _Don’t_ ,” I snapped, backing against the wall to get away from his hand.

“You’re not them. They wouldn’t help – ”

“None of that matters. It doesn’t change the fact that at the end of the day, I’m no different from those who manipulated you for decades! It’s what I do! _That_ is who I am.”

The look Bucky gave me reminded me so much of a kicked puppy, but yet his brow knitted in concern. His hand reached out for me, freezing in the space between us. Unable to close the gap.

“ _I’m willing to put money on the fact a few of her friends are the old bastards who gave you orders._ _Are you sure you want to be a friend of a friend to those –_ ”

“Just shut up!” he yelled at the ceiling, his breathing coming out hard and his attention returning to me again. “You don’t need to listen to this bullshit.”

I didn’t even have time to blink before he had me sitting on his cybernetic arm. He practically raced up the stupidly long staircase, which only got longer with Eve moving the steps downwards. He had my ear pressed against his chest with his warm hand covering the other one.

His heart pounded away. Not its usual soothing pace. A panicked tune singing at my ear.

“ _Honestly, Mr. Barnes, are you so blind to just what kind of person you have cradled in your arms?_ ” Eve’s voice was muffled, and the words only served to make his arms tighten around me.

“Stop trying to get me to leave.” His voice far too loud against my ear.

“ _You realize that I’ve been ordered to be truthful with you, right? Val has yet to lie to you either._ ”

“I’m not asking! I’m tired of people leaving out half the information.”

“ _I’m not the only one here with half –_ ”

The glass door slammed back into place with a kick from Bucky.

I barely heard the growling through the racing beat of his heart. I snapped my fingers, pointing away to stop the coming attack.

‘No wonder the sneaky bastards didn’t tackle me when I got back.’

For some reason or another, Bucky had the dogs running about outside this whole time.

He set me down on the sun warmed grass. His brows furrowed together with such worry. His hand still against the side of my face, lightly pressed into my cheek.

I couldn’t keep eye contact with him. A guilt I couldn’t quite place gnawed away inside me.

“Please, Valeriy…. _Please_ ,” he pleaded so very softly that his voice dragged my eyes to his, and the twisted expression of disgust I expected wasn’t on his face.

“Why…? Why the bloody hell are you still here, Bucky?! Why do you even fucking care!?”

“I’m not going anywhere.” His fingers tangled into my hair, pulling my head down to his shoulder. The scruff on his jaw jabbed right into the top of my head when his chin bumped me.

“Why not…?” I questioned, unable to stop my fingers from clinging onto the front of his hoodie. The fabric so warm against my cold skin.

That large hand of his slid from the back of my head and down my back. When Bucky held me closer to him, a shiver raced up my spine. I wanted to relax into him, but I couldn’t bring myself to force him comfort me.

“She’s not going to pull me away,” he assured. “The broken neck… that was an accident… wasn’t it?”

I pushed back, searching his face for some answer. “…How in the hell…?”

“The look on your face… you regret that…. I don’t remember seeing that expression on my handlers…. And she keeps twisting information,” he said with a flick of his wrist towards the ether.

“Doesn’t mean she’s lying. Eve doesn’t make bets unless she wins them. So I’ve got business acquaintances who are of Hydra….”

“…I never wanted you involved with Hydra….”

“That has nothing to do with you. Met them long before…. They probably watched me grow up…?”

“They’re dangerous…” he insisted. His hand dropped from my shoulder to his lap. His eyes stared at our knees. “…If they got their hands on you… they could – they would…. With your skills. They would turn you into a weapon. I-I can’t… I _can’t_ have you end up like me….”

Words couldn’t be forced out of me even if I tried. I dare not open my mouth. I wanted to vomit, anxiety and stress sinking into my gut. Things I wanted to bury in the back of my mind dragged out to the forefront.

“I don’t understand why she would be using you…. Why you? She has her assets….”

“Better question, _why aren’t you_?”

Bucky froze. Stunned into silence.

“…Everybody else is,” I added, my sight averting to the treeline where the dogs still obediently sat.

“…If…” he started oh so carefully, “…if you were me… and I was you… would you use me…?”

His teeth dug into this bottom lip. Red and swollen from all his nervous chewing.

“You… You wouldn’t,” he said. Not entirely confident in the words.

I couldn’t help the laughter, even as his face twisted into confusion. I couldn’t stop it. “Am I not doing just that? Using you for my fucked up mess.”

“You never asked me to… and I want to help.”

“Bucky… let me help with Hydra.”

He insistently shook his head, staring at the space between us again. His hair fell in front of his face almost like a curtain, sheltering his habit of chewing on his bottom lip. “The things… they’re horrible…. You shouldn’t… you shouldn’t…. Don’t… don’t do this.”

Carefully I reached out with my left hand, feeling the scratch of the short hairs along his jawline. My fingers brushed back his long hair, tucking it behind his ear. My nails dragged down his scalp. Maybe that’d calm the tension in his shoulders.

“I’d rather have some idea of what’s coming our way than be blind to it. Would help when we run out of dumb luck,” I hedged.

“You’ll have nightmares,” he muttered, his head leaning against my palm.

“Please, just think about letting me look into Hydra, Bucky. Even if it’s for information to sit on.”

The young man just slumped down in front of me, head dropping lower than mine. “…Okay…. I’ll think about it….”

“It’s not your fault that Hydra’s in my life,” I added after a wayward thought. Eve was pretty harsh on him earlier.

My arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer. I squeezed down as tight as I needed to be held, but he would never return it. I could feel the fear he held every time he touched me, scared that I’d break by his hand.

Took a moment for his arm to rest lightly around my lower back. As he curled around me, his head tucked under my chin.

“You’re safe here, Bucky,” I whispered against his hair.

I hoped that I’d relax him, but it had the opposite effect. The man froze up.

 _Again_.

“Bucky?”

A little shake didn’t jar a reaction from him. Nor did a hand wave in front of his face do anything.

“Okay. You’ve shut down again. How many times do I have to say that I’m not going to bite you when I’m lucid?”

With I sigh, I stood up and a flick of the wrist motioned to the dogs to open with the door.

“Alright, Beautiful, let’s head back inside, shall we?”

No answer from Bucky.

But he gave no resistance when I nudged him onto his feet. Merely followed along while I moved him back inside Soteria.

“ _You broke him again?_ ”

I flipped Eve the bird, guiding him to my room. He could sleep this off like last time.

“ _He woke up about ten minutes ago._ ”

‘Damnit…. I wanted to wrap him up in a blanket cocoon again,’ I pouted, carefully maneuvering Bucky to sit on the couch.

“ _What did you do this time?_ ”

“I really don’t know why he’s doing this all of a sudden.”

My fingers found themselves wound around a fluffy blanket. My hands draped blanket after blanket. Wrapped him up in a heap of soft things.

Nothing I could do about how straight backed he sat though.

Playing with his hair hadn’t brought him back from that blank state he seemed to be stuck in. All the knots were detangled by the time I gave up that tactic.

He didn’t react to the dogs using him as a bed. Both of them piled on his lap, tails wagging away against his arms.

Shoving the dogs off him did nothing too. He didn’t stop me at all.

“Cinnamon buns. Might as fucking well.”

I doubt a hug would work. I doubt it very much so.

So that left me staring at a box filled with a whole bunch different kinds of cinnamon buns. Probably every kind collected from a nearby city.

‘Oooo, this one’s yummy.’

With that thought, I set one in the toaster oven.

“Eve, stop the toasting before it gets charred. He doesn’t much like charred food.”

“ _Fine…. About him training you…._ ”

“Look, I get it. You want to get him to Gramps ASAP, and your children are precious. So I get it,” I interrupted while rinsing off the oily sugar stuck to my fingers. “I just thought of it as another tool in my hat of tricks for when shit hits the fan? Definitely useful if I end up on my own. Looking back, I see more than a few situations where some combative skills would have been rather…. It would have prevented some shit?”

“What are you talking about?”

A scream ripped from my throat and I whirled around to find Bucky’s face inches away from the toaster. His breath came out in quick little bursts, clearly sniffing at the bun beyond the glass.

“Hey there, Bu-Buddy? How are you feeling?” I asked gently.

“Funct – I’m… fine…?” he replied.

The struggle to tear his eyes away from the treat in the oven was so obvious as he turned to face me.

“…‘Kay…?” With a shrug, I pushed the matter to the back of my mind. “…The bun’s for you?”

Bucky was facing me, but his eyes? They were looking to the side in the direction of the toaster oven.

‘Can he even see inside that thing? The angles completely suck for that. It’s like parallel to his head. Oh my god! Does he have eyes on the side of his head?! I sure hope didn’t jab my finger in one. That would hurt…. I’d know, wouldn’t I? It’s be mushy and wet…. What if they’re super tiny – ’

“Val?”

“Huh? What up?” I responded with a smile, to which he ended up looking like a sad puppy.

‘What’d I do this time?’

“…You don’t need to slap on a smile after everything she said,” Bucky muttered.

“…I feel like I’ve missed something….”

“ _You stared blankly at him as if he grew a second head, and then proceeded to go deaf for a period of time._ ”

“What the hell did you say to me?”

“ _I haven’t said a thing since you interrupted me. Mr. Barnes asked if you were alright._ ”

“…I’m fine?”

Bucky gave such a large sigh, his shoulders sagging. “…We’ll figure out something else to improve your aim…. We can work on some hand-to-hand skills when you’re healed.”

“Yeah… but Eve wasn’t kidding about being able to stop you. I can’t do much if things keep hitting me. Like the doors and they’re fucking _heavy_ here. Definitely broke my fingers with them before. Not fun.”

“…You mentioned a broken hand last time… was she the one…? To stop you from learning combative skills?”

“…No, that time was all me…. Pretty sure that was… me…?”

Bucky took one large step to me, his arm scooping me up in the same moment. A tink of metal against metal echoed slightly in the room and then a screech.

All in the time it took for me to react.

Which was to stare at the dislocated cabinet door held in his cybernetic hand.

“Let’s see which of us is better built,” he practically growled out, his chest rumbling under my fingertips.

‘…Okay… okay… _okay…_ okay… okay…? Okay….’

Some of the plates on his arm shifted, reminding me of how muscles flexed when a person was about to lash out. He had already made a new handle for door. His fingers had pierced right through the metal.

‘I wonder if the glass can tank a shot like that.’

The ceiling sure couldn’t. And from the way he’s been glaring at it, he just might think Eve would be up there or something.

‘Oh hey, that’s where the popcorn bowl went,’ I thought, staring at the hole due to the door Bucky tore off its hinges. A door that Eve was probably opening to whack my leg.

“ _I’m not looking to fight with you, Mr. Barnes._ ”

He half folded my body until I was completely out of reach from any doors and awkwardly perched on his arm and shoulder.

“ _…But I do see your arguments in regards to Val’s… combative skills. I’ll stop with the antics, and even help out, if you can find it in yourself to shoot her when that temper of hers kicks in. Only then will I move the arsenal you’ve requested._ ”

His arm tightened around me and the metal trapped between his fingers screeched again. A clattering made me flinch, the door having dropped onto the floor.

“I’m not going to shoot her,” Bucky stated through gritted teeth, his feet pacing back and forth along the kitchen island.

“…She means with a sleep dart,” I added at his horrified expression. “You’re going to have to actually shoot me with one to prove it to her.”

I couldn’t help the smile at his nose wrinkling like when he ate something he disliked.

“I’m not going to _shoot_ you. With anything,” he insisted, pacing with me still sitting on his arm.

“I can’t give a damn if you did. I’ve been shot by sleeping darts a bunch. Amber made the concoction to knock me out whenever I got too rowdy and bugged her too much…. Or when she wanted to sleep and I wanted to break out of the dorms…. Just make sure I don’t land on my face. Mother would kill me if I end up with a crooked nose.”

Though it was more along the lines of the tech used to heal a broken nose oh so fucking perfectly was far too annoying to deal with for six weeks.

Those beautiful blue eyes narrowed in a way that was questioning something. Didn’t feel like confusion about how not to get me to land on my face. There was too much irritation in the way his eyes narrowed.

“I’m not going to shoot you,” Bucky repeated.

With a sigh, I dropped the topic. “How’s your studying going?”

His head tipped in an almost meek nod. “I remembered some… from… from…?”

I knew where from. Auntie’s Irene’s stories about how Bucky would self-study and tutored them whenever his sisters were confused. He even had some college level subject materials floating about in his memories.

“…I finished with the mathematical portion of the practice questions, and I’m still working my way through the science portion,” he practically reported, sounding more robotic than Eve ever did. Something seemed to click in his mind and with a small smile, he quickly added, “Your notes and the videos online made it all easier to understand.

“…How in the hell did you get so much done?”

For having requested _all_ the practice exams when he found out about them this morning, that was a lot of work. Even took Eve some time to sort them out by subject and load them into a tablet for him. Luckily for the printer, he didn’t mind writing on the screen.

But still, finishing one subject in the span of the few hours I was out and add to that his staggered sleep cycle, it was an insane task. I doubt I was the only one eyeing the processing power of his brain.

“That’s amazing,” I smiled.

At the words, Bucky’s face lit up. His posture straightened out. A happy spring to his steps.

“When you’re done pacing around, just toss me somewhere,” I said, slipping my glasses on to get started on the usually weekly dose of bullshit. The lenses filled with videos of people being gunned down. “I have a third world president to overthrow since he pissed off the parents…. Maybe I can get the white knight guy elected.”

“…What?”

The sudden stop in the rather comfortable pacing had me blindly flailing about, trying to cling onto him. As much as my brain knew he wasn’t going to drop me, my body was dumb enough not to realize that. Pretty sure my elbow hit a bone structure of his, and I pray it not be that beautiful face of his.

“Sorry,” I managed through a clenched jaw. My rib did _not_ appreciate the random flailing.

I tipped the glasses down and spotted a red circle on the cheek bone of that beautiful face. It was warmer against my palm compared to the rest of his cheek.

“What do you mean _overthrow_ a president?”

“The guy’s a war criminal? He shouldn’t even be president. And personally I don’t like dealing with that egomaniac. So why not get rid of him before he somehow makes peace with the parents? I’d rather not have to visit him again.”

I gave a shiver at an unpleasant memory of not quite escaping the “invite” to watch a village being used as target practice.

“What did he do…?” he whispered so softly I barely heard it.

I knew what Bucky was asking about. More than likely read it on my face somehow. But it wasn’t something I wanted him to know.

The “invite” to pick up a gun. Odinga’s been trying to teach me how to shoot ever since. I still pretended to shut my eyes and gunned for the rooftops.

All this from a relocation bribe gone wrong. Just as I expected. The greedy bastard swallowed the funds and relocated the villages six feet under.

“He reneged on an agreement with us,” I went with instead. Still somewhat answered the question stated. “It was our last foothold in Africa. A couple of the other countries seized all our properties there and kicked us out…. We’re a little more than pissed.”

Bucky merely sighed, dropping the topic in favour of plucking his cinnamon bun from the toaster oven. Not a single movement to put me on my feet again.

A content groan escaped from Bucky at the first bite. It rumbled through his chest and against my side. As he chewed slowly, his head lightly leaned against my shoulder, mumbling something that sounded like a thanks.

He finished the bun in the time his feet took us to the hole in the floor. As always, he lowered me like I’d shatter to pieces if he wasn’t ridiculously careful. Set me on the upper level of the flower couch.

He managed to catch Zeph before the giant bastard could tackle me and crack my head against the fireplace. That’d make washing my hair way more annoying than it was with only the hand cast.

It’s amazing watching somebody hold the damn dog up. The rest of us were stuck with rolling them from location to location. I couldn’t even move them much with my arms. Had to shove them about with my feet. And here Bucky was holding Zeph as if he was made of feathers.

I could practically see the gears turning in his head as he thought about where to place Zeph. He ended up setting the sneaky little bastard next to me. Took a moment to make sure that a paw wasn’t just dropped dramatically onto my ribs.

I couldn’t help but grin at how Bucky settled down for another round of studying. The laptop playing a Khan Academy video and a binder of my high school physics notes at his side. The tablet rested under his arm as he wrote across the screen. His hand barely paused between the flashbacks.

Maybe someday he wouldn’t find the need to keep his cybernetic arm on the opposite side of me.

Ixie cozied against his side as if that had always been her spot.

I plucked one of the neatly folded fluffy blankets. Likely Bucky’s doing before he jump scared me. I crunched it up in a poor attempt to make it into a comfy pillow for my head while I settled down on my back. A good position to prop my bad ankle up on the floor to rest on another once neatly folded fluffy blanket.

‘Fucking hell. Why won’t you be comfy?’ I questioned the blanket pillow.

A nudge against the top of my head had me looking up. Bucky had leaned back, tablet balancing on his knee. Without a word or a glance, his shoulder shrugged a little. I laughed, signalling Eve to raise the petal to a good height and happily scooting myself until my head rested comfortably on his shoulder.

As my fingers ran through his hair, his head tilted just the slightest, touching mine. The day’s stress drained out of us both. No tension in his shoulders and no pounding headache bothering me.

All settled in for the next couple of hours, I pushed the glasses back to the bridge of my nose. This really was the comfiest way to work.

Time to take everything from a man but his life.

If done perfectly, he wouldn’t even have the choice to blow his brains out.

 

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm curious as to what would be the best time to post. I poked around online and came to the conclusion that I should ask you guys. Since you guys are the one reading this.  
> (You don't need an account to leave a comment below, and I won't be able to see your email. I'm actually curious if it sends an email when I reply.)
> 
> What times do you guys hop on Ao3?  
> Time of day. Day of the week. Timezone. 
> 
> (In a roundabout way, I get to see where Mosaic's readers are on the globe. I know there's one in Italy, which is completely awesome. If you guys are comfortable with it, add your country or something.)


	27. Valeriy Ayers - Oreos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some content in this chapter that has me wanting to tack on a TRIGGER WARNING.  
> Since I abhor spoilers, you want an idea as to what the warning will be, please press the end button or scroll to the very bottom. I've added a bunch of . so the end of the chapter can't be seen. 
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter has been Beta-ed by Tinsela and the Anonymous Fifth Beta.
> 
> (Sorry, I just noticed how badly formated this chapter ended up.)

**

 

‘Blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah… blah…? Sure Gramps. Sure. This makes _so_ much fucking sense.’

All the words were English. English riddled with an absurd amount of jargon and project numbers.  Most of which I had to search up on our database.

‘How much did they do in only four years?’

If only the person who up kept the databases after I walked away did a satisfactory job. They found someone who translated their gibberish into a different kind of gibberish. Gibberish I couldn’t make sense of.

So that left me trying to translate the original gibberish with information that was probably five years too old….

‘I should have never walked away. This would be so much easier….’

But from how my stomach churned, I doubt I’d have lasted at all. Or I’d be having some health problems.

‘Maybe if I bash my head against the binder enough times, it’ll magically make sense.’

Even if it’s never worked before.

Leaning away from the big binder of Gramps notes on some new energy source, I flopped onto the warm broad back behind me. My head landed against the soft spot between his spine and shoulder blade.

A large hand rested on my head and those fingertips dug into my scalp, massaging away the tension there.

I stretched up against his back towards his hand, a content hum escaping out of me.

“Maybe you should take a break,” Bucky said through the music playing on my earbud.

“I’m only on page fucking three…. How are your lectures going?”

Prerecorded online lectures from different campuses. The mandatory English course, which Eve butchered and pieced together the lessons after screening the readings. War and disturbing subject matters have been completely cut.

“Good. Still not sure what I want to study yet. There’s so many options…. I’m working through the mandatory courses in the meanwhile,” he answered, hitting pause on his video and taking his hand away from my head.

I had half the mind to just grab onto his hand, but he turned his torso as well.

_And then gave his hand to Ixie._

I could feel myself pouting and trying to shoot laser beams out of my eyes. Maybe Amber figured out a way to make real eyeballs do that. There wouldn’t be a stare down I would lose with those things.

“It’s about dinner time,” Buck pointed out, gingerly moving the dogs off of us. “Do you feel like pizza?”

“Pizza!” I chirped back.

It’s practically routine now, him going for the oven to warm it up and me heading into the freezer to grab the food. A win-win. I’d avoid burning my eyeballs again, and he wouldn’t get a blast of cold air.

I grabbed an armful of boxes. I was hungry enough to finish one and Bucky needed more than two.

‘…We may be eating too much pizza….’

Supposedly, Eve got us a two week supply. There’s three left, and it’s only been a few days. Would explain the pimple growing on my forehead.

With a shrug, I made my way out of the freezer and tossed the boxes at Bucky, fully enjoying the sight of the young man grabbing them right out of the air without so much of a glance.

‘Definitely has eyes on the side of his head…. _Probably_.’

“You know what?” I gasped, hobbling my way to the box of new binders.

“Figured something out?” Bucky urged, humouring my outburst.

“That thing sounds like it came from something living, so Gramps probably got that thing from something Amber made. This binder would make so much more sense if I had a handle on the other thingy.”

“Sounds like a puzzle.” He didn’t bother looking up from tearing the plastic wrapping off the pizzas.

“I guess? Mixed with a scavenger hunt without the list. Hopefully, this stuff becomes fun for me again…. But the info in the binders might be randomly useful. Maybe it’ll give me an idea as to what the fuck I can’t fix in your arm.”

“I feel that after I graduate from university, I still won’t understand the binders here.”

“Probably? New discoveries are always making info in books obsolete. They don’t bother to change it either because of money or rep. So…” I shrugged. “From what I figured out yesterday about the neural communications, a bunch of binders on… that? _Probably_ that shelf is old useless info.”

 “If I study the right subject, I’ll be able to understand some of the binders here?”

The face he wore, eyeing the shelves and that little pout to his bottom lip. He definitely cracked open a few of these binders and found gibberish written in English.

If only he flipped to the back of the binder and found my notes dumbing down most of it. Only way I ever understood anything they wrote and shoved my way.

“ _Maybe_?” I shrugged. “I grew up with this madness, so I have a base of info to build on. Got no idea how other people understand this mess.”

‘I had no idea Gramps and Amber worked together on so many projects since I left the team….’

If it weren’t for the shadow looming over the papers, I would have jumped when a warm arm snaked around my shoulders with just the lightest squeeze. His soft locks brushed against the side of my face as his head leaned against mine.

“It takes time,” he stated softly. “The brain is a muscle too. It needs to warm up.”

I half sunk into his side. “Yeah, and five years is a lot to catch up on…. I was worried that they wouldn’t reach out to each other when they got stuck. I was their middleman. Knew who to go to when one of them was stuck with something out of their specialties. It’s nice to know they don’t need me.”

“…Have you talked to your friend…?”

My nerves clenched and twitched at the notion. “I haven’t…. I’m scared,” I admitted.

“…She sounded upset, last time I heard her.”

“…You heard the conversation in the R.V.?”

My heartbeat pounded away in my ears. Adrenaline pumped through my system. Made me want to run right through the near indestructible glass.

Bucky tipped his head in a nod. “I thought you said best friends don’t give up on each other,” he tried to keep his voice light.

“I’m not giving up on her. I’m just nervous about pissing her off again,” I huffed. “She clearly doesn’t want to talk at the moment. She had Sparks fucking call me instead. So I’ll give her space. It’s what she wants.”

“…I could talk to her?” he offered with all the confidence of a shy kid stuck in a school play. “You did your best to watch over her.”

“Thanks Bucky. But we’ll be okay. As you said, we’re best friends. She’ll reach out to me when she feels like it. If I didn’t have these nervous moments with Amber, I’d probably bug you about contacting Captain Rogers.”

Those bright blue eyes averted to the side. Even pulled his arm back, letting his hand fall between Ixie’s ears.

“For now, you figure out what you want to study, and I’ll figure out what the hell these binders are talking about.”

“ _Meanwhile, your pizzas are about to char._ ”

Bucky raced for the oven, bolting right over the kitchen island in his way. Ixie, she ended up scrambling about the slippery surface trying to follow after him.

With one cybernetic hand holding the tray, Bucky wrapped his right arm around the dog and hauled her off the countertop. There was barely a pause between placing Ixie on her paws and cutting the pizza. He somehow made it almost look like one smooth motion.

Barely looking up from the gibberish, I grabbed onto Zeph’s wagging tail before he tried to stick his snout into our food.

‘Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…? Yup seems to be where Gramps got that thing. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah….’

“Here,” Bucky offered, holding out the plate of my fungi pizza only to pull it out of the sneaky little bastard’s way. He set it down on my makeshift table surface, shooing Zeph’s snout.

“Thanks.”

All three of them settled back in their original spots. Bucky at my back, starting up his lecture on his own makeshift table. The dogs cuddled against our sides, spilling out onto the other petals.

Pizza was definitely best when working away. With the whole being easy to eat with one hand thing going on.

With all the munching finished, dirty dishes were given to the kitchen sink to wash. Then started our post-meal ritual for the next ten minutes or so.

I sat on the couch, my torso and head supported by the upper petal of the couch along with a bunch of pillows and blankets.

Bucky stood a ways away, staring down a barrel pointed my way. His hand practically shaking in his attempt to pull the trigger.

The struggle and conflict that bounced around his body. The readjustment of his grip on the dart thing. The little shifts in his stance. Those bright blue eyes wide with so much fear. From how they darted about, I doubt he saw my face in front of him.

“…Would it help if I ran at you?” I lightly suggested.

His arm dropped to his side, the muscles on along his jaw working as his teeth ground together. “I’ll hurt you… and you might break your nose.”

Bucky raised the dart gun again, struggling to will himself to pull the trigger.

Me looking peaceful and not at all threatening would make it that much harder to shoot.

If I threatened the dogs, he’d probably act. More likely to grab them and run off into the forest than to actually pull the trigger.

If I did something that immediately endangered them, he just might fire a dart…. But he’d never see me the same again. He’d be far more paranoid about me lashing out at him.

Something I don’t want for him….

Or for myself….

His eyes dropped to the space between us.

‘Until the next meal then.’

His arm followed his eyes and then he tucked the dart gun out of sight. Disappointment and irritation radiated off of him.

“We don’t have to do this,” I said, reminding him of an out.

“You need to learn how to protect yourself. Or at least handle a gun properly. So I’m doing this if it means she doesn’t start breaking more of your bones,” he stated with his hand waving about the ether. “You can’t always rely on dumb luck.”

“…It’s not all just dumb luck. Any information, no matter how mundane, can be useful,” I mumbled.

I liked calling the stupidity that I get away with dumb luck. I didn’t like it when it’s used against me as a snub. Even if some part of me knew he meant well.

Another part of me was playing a game. Maybe finally he’d let me at Hydra. Gather what information I could and create some “dumb luck” for him.

Bucky sighed, dropping in the space left for him on the couch. Ixie lifted her head off Zeph and basically locked the man into place. His fingers carded through her fur, seemingly enjoying the feeling more than to actually pet the dog.

Something he did after failing to dart me. Eased his nerves a bit so long as I didn’t touch him. He had to reach out to me himself. Even if we were sitting with our sides practically touching.

The first time we did this, I gave him a pat on the shoulder and he tucked himself into a defensive ball with his arm wrapped around his head.

Everything in his body language expected pain. Pain doled out by me.

I held him through it. Assured him that nothing was going to happen to him. That “failure” wasn’t going to lead to torture and chairs.

So here I sat, close enough that a deep breath in and we were touching, waiting for him to work through whatever battle was in his mind.

Took a little less time with each iteration, and he would tilt his body to the side towards me. He kept all his weight to himself, but his head ended up against mine. A deep sigh escaping him.

I took the cue and just leaned against him. I reached up, left arm weaving under his chin to play with his hair on that side of his head while pulling him closer.

Every movement I made, I blatantly slowed down and kept loose. No acceleration. No momentum. No pain.

Maybe one day his expectation for pain would fade away.

_Hopefully._

My phone bleeped and my hand stilled.

‘What shitty timing.’

I knew what the message was about. Took them long enough to get set up. I was hoping to have this dealt with before dinner even passed our minds.

Bucky tensed beside me when it took too long for me to check the screen.

“What the hell does she want?” he practically growled out, voice rumbling so beautiful.

Eve wasn’t dumb enough to put anything stupid in the message, so I flipped my phone screen up.

_They’re ready. Waiting on you._

His fingers twitched towards me. Clear in his want to stop me. To keep me here next to him. Away from whatever it was I do in my room.

As I pulled away from his side, I let my nails lightly drag down his cheek, catching on the short hairs there. His head leaned into my hand before he straightened up as if he was caught doing something he shouldn’t.

“There’s no death and destruction this time, Bucky. I’ll be back before the hour’s up,” I assured with a smile.

Those blue eyes of his dropped to my lips, narrowing in doubt. Worry weaved together his brows. Unhappiness tugged down the corner of his lips.

If only he’d accepted the craziness that made up my life, he’d have fewer headaches. His own problems gave him more than enough already.

“I’ll be here when you’re finished,” he stated, face turning away. A tap of the space bar started up the lecture, ending the conversation quite sharply.

With a shrug, I slunk my way to my room.

“ _I’ll be back before the hour’s up,_ ” Eve mocked with my voice in surround sound. “ _Really now? You think you can get Odinga to keep his yapper shut in thirteen minutes?_ ”

“Depends on how brutal I decide to be, doesn’t it?”

The smile on my face couldn’t be helped with the excitement pumping through my veins.

Makeup would take too long, so I slapped on the octo mask thing. Let Eve deal with the pimple on my forehead.

Got to be flawless when I’m being the Ayers’ daughter pawn thing.

I grabbed the first sleek dress I came across in my closet and slipped into it while I decided on which plan I felt like playing out.

“Eve? Mind rendering the Dollhouse?”

“ _...Are you sure?_ ”

“Why not?”

“ _It’s unnecessary._ ”

“Since when do you care about Odinga?”

“ _…Not him I’m worried about._ ”

“Might as well be done with dumbfuck once and for all.”

Eve gave a soft sigh. “ _Stainless steel or princess?_ ”

“Hmmm…. Let’s play princess. He always saw me as that.”

Twisting that image he knew me as, that’s going to be fun.

“ _Ready when you are._ ”

I quickly fixed my hair up to match everything else. A messy floof and a flip, letting the waves naturally curl around my face and shoulders.

“Channel your inner happy princess, Val,” I joked to myself, carefully draping my body over a giant beanbag. Legs lounged out to the side. Even tucked a few pillows under my arm.

“ _Happy princess my ass._ ”

Eve would work her rendering skills and magic me onto a fancy Greek kline couch instead of the beanbag I was half sunken into.

“Make the damn call.”

The artificial ringtone echoed about my room, and my thoughts couldn’t help but drift to the cracks in my ribs. I could feel them strain and part. They did _not_ like this position. But everything had its reason. A part to play.

“Val, darling. I was hoping to see you grovelling at my doorstep, not over a skype call. I expect more respect than this.”

I forced out a giggle, tipping my head to the side. “Oh, Hamadi. This call, for your sake, shall be the last you see of my face.”

His nostrils flared. His lips snarled. Didn’t like the threat. Definitely did not like how I spoke his first name.

“I’m merely calling to inform you how this will play out,” I told him with a smile. “You’re currently surrounded. You’ll be brought to The Hague and charged for – ”

“You will get me out of this mess or I’ll take you down with me,” he threatened. Grinning ear to ear. “I’ll tell them about you. You slaughtered villages at my side!” So very confident he had cornered me. “You Ayers are mine now.”

A lazy flip of my hand, dismissing his words. He needed to read that I couldn’t care if he tried.

“No wonder Father and Mother are so angry with you. The Ayers will never belong to anybody. Not when governments rise and fall at our whims.”

“Your hands are as dirty as mine!”

“You have no proof. Nobody ever has proof we’ve done anything unsavoury. Your word means nothing against my reputation. After all, you have no idea what I’m truly capable of. But alas, I don’t like dirt flung my way. Thus here I am, wasting time on you. This call isn’t so much warning you of the men coming to grab you or some ego play you so love.”

“Then what the hell is this!?!”

His palms smacked down on the table.

I would have flinched from the aggression he was embodying. _Would have_ if I didn’t grow up dealing with such volatile people. Knew just how much they revelled in the slightest show of fear. How we’d pounce on it. And just how frustrating when intimidation tactics fall flat.

I had no doubt if I were in that room, he’d have me black and blue, painted in red.

Still, I couldn’t help the little laugh. He was trying so hard to intimidate me that it had taken a turn for the pathetically sad.

The gun he clearly had pointed at my face on the screen was going to do jack shit for him.

We made sure it was loaded with blanks.

A little cornered rat with no idea just who led him there.

“You do well to remember this conversation, Hamadi. We never much appreciated you swallowing our bribes to wipe your own ass. So, as soon as I suspect you’ll open your mouth about any of our business or even let somebody else spring a leak, I’ll have you added to my collection of dolls.”

My hand gave a grand sweep to the side. An excited thrum pulled a happy grin onto my lips.

The little screen at the bottom with the fancy room Eve rendered took a disturbing turn. Limbless bodies dropped from the ceiling. All of them struggled uselessly against the strings that hung them up.

The man on the screen stumbled back, gagging at the sight. His eyes couldn’t help but stare at the horrors that filled his screen.  

“Is it so difficult to stomach? And here I thought you were so proud of being the baddest monster around. I had thought you saw right through me when you invited me out for a little midnight massacre.”

“But – but you fired for the rooftops! You were so scared to kill! I was moulding you to be something great!”

I huffed a laugh.

Scared to kill?

Moulding me?

“I have an image to keep up, Hamadi. How stupid and blind can you be? Then again, you think killing helpless people isn’t such a damn bore. A bullet to the head. Really now? I much prefer breaking your kind of idiot who think they’re just so powerful. _Oh so_ deadly. Killing is no art. _This_ is art,” I bragged, motioning to the dolls at my side. “Bringing a person to accept this as their eternity. Preserved forever to fill the time between the boring hours the likes of you bring about in my days.”

I read every crack in the man’s body language. How he went from horror to fight. The sodding fool actually thought he could fight his way out.

Well then.

“Don’t you recognise one of these faces? I know they’re a little difficult to make out after I fed them their eyeballs and whatever else is missing. Most of them prefer the toasting laser we have yet to bring to market. It does quite the amazing job of cooking thinly sliced meat. They don’t much like themselves raw.”

Another involuntary gag from the man.

“But back on topic, Hamadi. Do you really not recognise this one’s face? Honestly, that one’s the original owner of the mansion you’re in. Your missing warlord of a brother! It’ll be such a lovely family reunion!!”

I clapped my hands together in happy excitement, ignoring the pain that shot up from my right hand.

So easy to read when he recognised his childhood hero. How his body tensed, shifting between outrage and terror. So dumb that he hadn’t noticed Eve’s changes to the face of the doll next to me as I was talking. Straight up changed the skin colour.

“Hasani!!” the man screamed, trying to get his brother’s attention. “Hasani!!!”

“He can’t hear you. I’ve long punctured his eardrums. He hasn’t heard a thing in years.”

“ _You_ – !!!!”

He huffed and puffed as if he ran a long marathon, sweat dripping off his chin.

 “I do hope you open your mouth. Matching sets are so much fun! Oh you’ll love it here. If you piss us off enough, I’ll even add your children in. Wouldn’t be at all difficult to collect each and every bastard child you hid away. Make a mini collection out of the lot of you.”

The man was a menace to all in his life but one young girl he carefully hid away from the rest of the world. A young girl given to him by the love of his life from before all this twisted the brothers into what they were now.

No doubt she was the price too high for him to pay.

And I knew _exactly_ where she was.

“Jamali’s food tastes just like home, doesn’t it?” I teased, grinning wider at the pure horror on his face.

Like every person before him, he danced the same when the Dollhouse came into play. Only took a little nudge to shattered them so completely.

Hamadi glanced over his shoulder at the door, expecting people to come in already. But they won’t until I was finished with him.

He pressed the barrel to his head. His finger desperately pulled the trigger over and over again. Instead of the sweet death he desperately searched for, Odinga only managed to burn the side of his face.

‘Rather dead than risk talking, huh?’

But we wanted him more alive than dead. May come in use some day.

“Hey now. Don’t do that. It’s hard to tell matching sets when half your face is all messed up. Then again, I can just do the same with Hasani. Now where did I put the blowtorch? Maybe I’ll just have them save your gun and load it with blanks. Save me the trouble of trying to create the scars with a torch on the lot of you,” I mused, tapping my chin lightly.

I reached out slightly behind me, pretending to stroke the cheek of “his brother” with the back of my hand. Eve did a wonderful job of animating the frightened struggle of a man missing his voice box and left only with this sense of touch and smell.

The screams that spilled through the line were… fitting. The pure terror behind the sounds. The hopelessness in his blabbering. I could practically hear the pieces of his sanity slipping away.

“Oh hush now,” I snapped lightly. “Did I not say I’ll only add you to my collection of dolls if you misbehave? It’s more fun that way. To know you brought it all on yourself. Your own damned fault you ended up here.”

Hamadi’s jaw snapped shut with an audible click.

“But alas, there’s a slight chance you’re not as dumb as your brother, which I do hope you’re not, you’re only being charged with a couple of war crimes. We’ll make sure you go away for just that on your very long list, and that you’ll get out probably after you’ve gone all wrinkly. Though, if you do find your cell too boring, you always have the choice of joining my collection whenever you wish. You know a fraction of our reach already. The choice is yours to make, Hamadi.”

With that, I motioned for Eve to cut the line and chucked the octo mask thing to the side. The operation would be completed with my part staying unknown to anybody else.

“ _With four minutes to spare._ ”

Four minutes to get this out of my system. The disgust of being so filled with excitement and thrill of shattering a mind to pieces.

I needed to bury this bit of me as far as I possibly could. The sadistic streak in me. Bucky could never find out. He already freaked out at a glimpse of it over Zephyr and food.

The man’s faith in me to be better….

Better than those who had controlled him….

“ _You did a number on Odinga. He’s eagerly following every order. As a joke, I had one of them tell him to hop on a leg while rubbing his stomach and tapping his head. This is hilarious._ ”

A live clip from Odinga’s webcam came back to my screen. And as Eve said, the man was obediently doing stupid shit with gusto.

I dropped my eyes to my nails. I had no joy in watching a broken man imitate a monkey.

“Is everything in play with Cheboi? He’d get us back into Africa.”

“ _If all goes according to plan, the transition will be smooth._ ”

Which meant it’d go smoothly.

Perfect.

Got our way back into Africa and crossed out another monster out of my life.

The Hague was only four walls. The threat of the Dollhouse was an ever looming mental prison. No escaping that. There’s no hole he could crawl into in hopes to hide from us.

“I feel icky.”

The dress peeled off of my skin and dropped to the floor. I quickly slipped back into an oversized shirt in hopes to find a bit of myself again. Or at least the girl who explored the city and shared a sandwich with a stranger.

“ _Not according to what your chemical levels are saying,_ ” Eve practically sang.

Irritated, I shifted the monitoring bracelet from its magnetic port on my inner wrist. Cut Eve’s sensors that told her exactly was flowing in my bloodstream.

I stared at the shorts in distaste. If I could get away with it, I’d probably run about in a pair of panties.

But Bucky was here, and he was surprisingly shy about the most random things.

So I pulled up my shorts before hobbling for the door.

A glance out the massive window in my room spoke of the total darkness the mountain was mostly drowned in. No way in hell was Bucky letting me take a bike out even if it were midday. I doubt he’d agree with the idea of me clamouring about the cliff either. He was already frowning every time I walked on my stupid ankle.

With a sigh, I tore my eyes away from the unsettling darkness and set them on one of Eve’s eyes. “You remember that strawberry milk thing Tristen used to make? Do we have that stuff here?”

“ _Not going to go latch yourself onto the Sergeant_?”

I froze at that jab. Couldn’t help the sneer that curled my lip. “Sorry for bloody breaking so much lately,” I snapped, sarcasm dripping off every word. “I just so love cleaning up after the family. And doing your bloody dirty work. _So much fun_.”

“ _Odinga was your problem, Val._ ”

“No. Odinga was their problem, and they shrugged him off to me. You knew exactly who we were going to work with. You all _knew_ those villages were going to be slaughtered and that was eventually going to bite us in the ass. So don’t play naïve with me.”

“ _…I never wished for this outcome…. I don’t believe any of us did._ ”

“Whatever,” I huffed with a hand wave.

They knew, they chose, and I did as told.

The energy bubbling up inside me wasn’t helping at all. The excitement of breaking a person. The anger of having to do it at all.

I wanted to work it out of my body. Climb for the skies or ride through the trees. Neither were particularly smart moves.

“ _I’ve warned you to anticipate your parents’ movements. Find a solution to their problems that you can live with before they end up with one you can’t._ ”

“Yeah, like kidnapping my best friend and telling me that I got her killed? And a month later, they send me to deal with Odinga? You guys didn’t even let me go to her bloody funeral!!! I didn’t even have time to mourn! Have to keep up that bloody _perfect_ image!”

“ _Since when have you been this childish? I wonder if it’s because he’s letting you do so._ ”

At this rate, I was never going to make it out of my room with all the pausing. Hobbling around already took forever in this gigantic building.

Forcing myself to brush off her words, I continued the long journey out of my damn bedroom. Needed to use the time to focus on anything besides the dark and twisted recesses of my mind. Or the fact that bits and pieces of the Dollhouse actually existed in this lovely world I live in. The people keeping actual limbless human dolls. The people being fed their own body parts.

“ _At least you still know how to lie convincingly._ ”

“Good god, Eve. I was taught how to lie before my first word. I sure as fucking hell hope I know what I’m doing by now.”

But how much of that performance I gave was an actual lie? Most of it was basically a promise. I might not keep him alive as a doll. But the man would suffer if a word I didn’t like passed his lips.

If Odinga looked into it, wouldn’t be too hard for his paranoid brain to piece together how his idiot brother ended up with me. After all, I was behind his disappearance. Dead but didn’t go easy in any way.

 ‘Fucking finally reached the bloody ass door.’

Which of course I had to open myself with the fucking added weight of Eve being a bloody ass. Had to throw more of my body weight into than usual.

My ribs, if they had their own voice, would most likely be cussing up a storm.

The way Bucky’s head snapped to me, brows knitted together and teeth gnawing at his bottom lip, pulled a sigh and a smile from me.

The man had his arms wrapped around Ixie, and she stayed rather still for him. Just her tail leisurely wagging.

I struggled with the giant bear I won at the theme park and was sore for three days. And here he was, twisting his torso to face me like she weighed nothing.

A perfectly timed sidestep had Zephyr scrambling to stop himself from crashing into the shelves. I rather not crash into them and be a cushion for the sneaky little bastard.

‘Stop channelling your happy princess, Val.’

The last thing I wanted to do was turn that nasty habit onto Bucky. I could see the cracks, places I could prod at and watch how he’d shatter to pieces.

“9:59. Back by the end of the hour.” Kept my voice light and airy, draining it of the annoyance at Eve and the excitement that still bubbled.

That did nothing to relax the tension in his hunched shoulders. Damn adorable how he pulled up Ixie closer to his face with the dog’s legs sticking every which way.

“…How did it go?” he cautiously enquired. Not prying into what I did, just gauging where my head was at.

“Played out exactly as planned?” I offered.

No lie there.

Played out exactly as planned right to the beat of each break.

‘Damn it, Eve.’

Now that I was rather sure I wasn’t curious about hurting Bucky, I didn’t need to find some distraction to focus on or keep my distance. But her words had me holding back. Not wanting to “latch” onto his side and not wanting to not “latch” onto his side. She’d win no matter what I do.

‘I hate playing your fucking games.’

“When’s bedtime for you?” I asked as casually as I could.

“…In nine minutes. But I can stay up,” he offered almost instantly. “I don’t need so much sleep.”

“…If you want, we can have some cookies and milk before you sleep,” I said as a compromise.

At his eager nod, I poured a glass of milk and stared at the second glass. Did not want to deal with the cleanup if my right hand decided to twitch open…. With a shrug, I tossed the jug back into the fridge and grabbed the packet of Oreos.

Zeph stayed at my left side so that I could lean into him for support when I used my bad ankle. My nerves curled and bubbled, waiting for the moment.

And as always, it came. I threw my arm right up with the packet of Oreos. Right out of the jaws that stole so much from me.

My right foot crossed the left, and I swayed out my hip. Bumped the sneaky little bastard onto his side. Couldn’t help the smirk I shot down his way.

‘Oh shit.’

My eyes darted over to Bucky. Only breathing when he wasn’t freaking out like I tortured Zeph. So that’s a win…?

I carefully settled down in the little spot. Bucky cleared of blankets on his right. Always on his right.

‘I’ll have to work on that when I figure out what’s making that arm twitch.’

The confusion in the way Bucky dunked the cookie sandwich had me wondering if they had something like this when he grew up. His brow even furrowed at the first bite, closing in together as he chewed.

‘…Maybe it’s too sweet…?’

“It’s different…” he whispered.

 The next sandwich, he perfectly twisted one cookie away from the cream center. A cookie should not be able to move like that, and I could not tear away from the elegant movements of his fingers making the cookie dance between them.

“It looks different…. Tastes different too.”

“ _The recipe and design were changed over the years. Replaced the lard with vegetable oil, and Val likes the double stuff version._ ”

He split the third treat as well and just licked off the cream. Long slow licks.

‘Uhhhhhhhhhh….’

He tossed the cookies into his mouth with the hint of a smile.

‘Uhhhhhhhhhh….’

He plucked another Oreo, glanced my way, and dunked it into the milk for the about the same amount of time I did with the two cookies I did manage to eat. He stuck it in _my_ mouth. Even tapped my chin to shut it.

‘Uhhhhhhhhhh….’

And Bucky went right back to happily eating the cream centers with the licking. I could not, for the life of me, _could not look away._

‘Uhhhhhhhhhh….’

“You’re done with the cookies already?” he asked, between licks. “…Okay…. Do you want the milk?”

He downed the entire glass in a couple of seconds. His head tilted to the side, his eyes just staring at me. Then his thumb came up to my face and swiped along the skin right beneath my bottom lip.

‘Uhhhhhhhhhh….’

His pink tongue licked off whatever it was on his thumb… that was once on my face….

‘Uhhhhhhhhhh….’

His shoulder shrugged and he stood up, arms wrapped around Ixie again.

 “Wake me up if…. You’re not alone here, Val,” he said, climbing the steps to the top floor.

‘Uhhhhhhhhhh….’

Ixie officially became a plushie. Who the hell could lift her like that? Bucky, apparently. The little swagger to his walk didn’t even change with the added near 200 pounds.

For having a room set up for him to have some sort of privacy under Eve’s watch, Bucky had decided to use the top floor. Probably for the whole vantage point bit. Or the fact that he could lie under the stars with nothing to obstruct the view. In a damn doggy cuddle pile.

‘Oh boy.’

Giddy energy bubbled up my chest.

My cheeked flushed as my feigned calm shattered.

‘I need to climb.’

As silently as I could, I headed for the hole in the floor, for the basement levels.

No way in hell am I going to risk having my light burn out in that darkness while in the forest on a motorbike. It used to be fun. Now… I’d probably destroy my own voice box from not being able to see….

And Bucky would never stop frowning at me if I did….

 

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the last bit. Felt like adding something lighter after the whole dollhouse thing....  
> Let me know if you ended up smiling there. It was what I was aiming for. ^^
> 
> Hopefully Val wasn't too much this chapter. Let me know what you think of one darker side of her. 
> 
> Feedback is very much appreciated. Thank you to everyone who has commented and or gave a Kudos. They really make my day. ^^  
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> Warnings: Torture, manipulation, mentions of cannibalism. (If there is any I missed, please let me know.)


	28. Bucky Barnes - Oasis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I'd like to apologize for the previous chapter's formating. I only just noticed it ><. Sorry. It's fixed now.)
> 
> This chapter has been Beta-ed by Tinsela and the Anonymous Fifth Beta.

 

******

 

“How many are there?” I asked, exploring page after page, organized by faculty and number.

538 courses and counting.

“In English? A shit ton times… three-ish?” was Valeriy’s less than useful reply. Paired with a shrug. She didn’t even look up from another binder she’s been working on. “ _So_ glad I don’t have to piece together a schedule that doesn’t involve waking up before dawn.”

“ _You failed that goal every single term that wasn’t online._ ”

“Shhhh, let me keep dreaming.”

“ _To which none of this matters with Mr. Barnes. As if I would disrupt his staggered sleep cycle,_ ” the A.I. ghost aimed right at Valeriy.

The head of dark red hair meekly ducked down. The movement shrugged her shoulders closer to her ears. A wince flashing across her face. She’d been wincing for the last four days.

“I have no idea what to study,” I mumbled.

There were so many choices. A large portion of which I couldn’t begin to guess what was being taught from the course name alone.

“What are you interest…ed…” her voice fading.

“…I… I can’t even answer that question….”

“ _Going by how much time you spend staring at the stars, Astrology might be an option._ ”

I added it to the list that consisted of only the word physics. Only there since it was the most interesting subject I had to study, and it didn’t involve Valeriy having to drive out to grab a chemistry kit.

“ _I’ve created a page with all classes related to space. They might be of interest to you._ ”

“What about the animal thing?” Valeriy tried.

“ _Zoology.... It’s called Zoology._ ”

“What did you take when you were in university?” I asked before the bickering to could start.

“Computer… sciences…? Was too lazy to switch out when I started hating it…. Took ancient Asian civilization as my art credits. That was more fun? Everything was just regurgitation,” she said, scribbling a few lines of notes into the back of the binder.

That was an option. Ancient Civilizations. Anything from the past hundred years the A.I. ghost had censored off the lists. But there were thousands of years of history. Maybe I could even learn about the dinosaurs.

My fingers navigated to the A.I. ghost created tab on the tablet resting on my knees. Astrophysics. Cosmology. Planetary Geology.

Things were so convenient in this century. So much information found in almost an instant.

More books than a library could hold now fit in a slim device no bigger than a children’s book. No more misplaced books. Even textbooks were digital.

‘Bonnie would have loved this,’ and the drifting thought put a pause in my reading.

I quickly switched to a pen and opened one of the hand bound notebooks. Another little bit of information about my sisters.

_Bonnie would have loved the tablet. And the internet._

I added another line that I would have liked this if I were a kid. A lot easier to read under the blanket.

_Thunk. Thunk. Thunk._

I didn’t even have to look at this point. Didn’t need to look up to reach out and catch a slim shoulder and pull back before another _thunk_.

A back flopped against my side. A head landing on my shoulder with another _thunk_.

“You need to stop doing that,” I chided, and she only groaned in response. A hint more pain in the sound than mere frustration.

She downed half a glass of water and sighed. “Why can’t info just be smacked into our heads?”

I could practically see her banging her head against one of the bookshelves here. If that were possible. Either way, the thought hadn’t stop her from trying with the binders in front of her.

‘By that logic, I wonder what I can learn if I hit my head against this?’ I thought, staring at the tablet.

“ _Tape a binder to a door. I could help you test that theory out. You don’t even have to lift a finger._ ”

The young woman huffed indignantly with a pout on her lips. Her fingers combed through my hair, tugging layers of it to the other side of my head. Made a mess of my hair and she kept staring at the side of my head.

It’s been odd with the new change. I missed the gentle scratches.

“…Val?”

“Hmmm?” she hummed.

“What are you looking for on the side of my head?”

I couldn’t believe it took me this long to put it together. _Nine days_.

Valeriy quickly retracted her hands from me. “Uhhh… eyeballs…?”

Laughter echoed all around us. The A.I. ghost made use of every speaker I could hear. Including the other rooms, the tablet in my hands and the earbud Valeriy wore.

“… _Eyeballs_ ,” I repeated.

“Tiny eyeballs…?” the young woman offered with a nervous grin, which only made the laughter louder for another eight seconds.

I bet her ridiculous mind read like one those binders she’d been trying to understand.

“Why would I have eyeballs on the side of my head?”

“Uhhh… you can catch things without looking at them?”

“Most of the surfaces here has a reflection…. I try not to… I can’t switch it off. I don’t want you to be uncomfort –”

“The whole tracking me whenever we’re in the same room thing? And the dogs. You track them too.”

“…Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. But even with your enhanced brain, it has to get pretty damn tiring, huh? Like at West Ed….”

“How…? How did you know?”

“I had a similar problem. Constantly gave me a headache. Five-ish years ago? We changed the surfaces in Soteria so an entire room can be seen from wherever you are…. But it’s not so bad when we’re next to you, yeah?”

She wasn’t wrong there. I didn’t have to strain to keep an eye on all three when they’re leaning against me. Even the reflections made it easier.

“Still doesn’t explain how you could see into the toaster from that angle,” she mumbled under her breath. Lips pouting.

I could almost laugh at the memory.

“I couldn’t. I tried. It didn’t work. Was that why you thought I had eyes on the side of my head and started throwing things at me?”

“…Yeah…. Sorry.”

I wrapped my arm around the silly girl’s shoulders and pulled her into a hug. “You’re ridiculous.”

When my fingers ruffled her hair, a lightness filled within my chest. Her shoulders dipped down. Muscles slightly tensing under my fingers, as if in pain.

Her hand gently shoved against my side, but she curled into me with a giggle. And then finally her nails scrapped along my scalp. Sent a shiver down my spine.

It’s been five days since I last saw her smile that wasn’t forced. This expression suited her better.  

That bright smile when I first spotted her wolfing down a pulled pork sandwich.

87 days ago….

A white paw swiped through the air between us and smacked Valeriy’s hand off my face. Zephyr even ended up trying to sit on her stomach until I moved him away. Before the two of them could get into some fight that involved tail whacking and flailing arms.

For now, he settled down and the full grown woman glared at him. She huffed and tapped on her phone screen until the A.I. ghost’s laughter _finally_ stopped. Then it was back to working on the binder. Something about different flight mechanisms from what she managed to figure out.

 A fresh red mark could be seen on her left forearm. Darkening in color. It wasn’t the only mark. Thick long bruises scattered across her arms and legs. Some purple. Some green. Some yellow.

‘Did I used to be so fragile?’

Most of them from the dogs. They were rather rough with their limbs.

The little one on her forehead had barely faded. She learned not to leave her head above the binder rings in case she dozed off.

I traded the tablet and class summaries for one of the hand bound notebooks again.

_Managed another smile (3) today. They’re feeling less heavy. Easier when the situation allows for it._

_Valeriy had a ridiculous theory that I had eyes on the side of my head. The reason behind the odd hair touches._

_(I’m glad they didn’t add eyes on me.)_

I wouldn’t know how I’d handle any more changes to my body at their hands….

 _Thunk_.

Her head dropped.

 _Again_.

This time, it didn’t lift up repeatedly to bash on the binder. She was asleep. Passed out over her work.

Done often enough, it either had to be a bad habit, or she hadn’t been sleeping as of late.

I pulled back her hair from her face, so she wouldn’t wake from the irritation.

I pulled away Zephyr from her lap, so she wouldn’t wake from trying to kick away the heat.

I pulled off one of the blankets she piled on me and wrapped it around her shoulders, so she wouldn’t wake from the air conditioner’s wind.

With a satisfied nod, I returned to the tablet and class summaries. Making notes on what was interesting and the prerequisites to each class.

The list was fast turning into a tangled web of arrows and words.

 _Don’t tell Val about this program._ _I made this long before she started struggling with her scheduling. Never showed it to her or let her use it._

The words flashed up on the tablet screen. The A.I ghost.

My notes disappeared, and before panic could set in, I stared at the screen in confusion.

The classes were sorted by levels. The ones I wanted to take were in blue. The ones I needed to take for them were in red. The gray text might be classes I’ve met the requirement for if I took whatever’s on the list already…?

On the side was a note of what degree I would be headed towards and the requirements still unfulfilled.

_It’s tweaked for your needs. All you need to do is input what you’re interested in taking, and I’ll set up the rest._

I pulled up the on screen keyboard and typed in a quick _Thank you_.

The program made it a slightly less confusing.

_Slipped her mind to tell you, but Val had you set up to have all limits and penalties removed. You’re welcome to take as many classes as many times as you wish and drop them whenever you please._

And that opened all the doors. Given enough time, I could take _all_ the classes. Whatever the A.I. ghost deemed safe.

I added any class that sounded remotely interesting. Filled the program until that looked as messy as my attempt at sorting them.

A hum from above pulled my eyes from one screen to another. The A.I. ghost was lowering the television from its housing in the ceiling. I took a deep breath, waiting for whatever she wanted to communicate to me without waking up Valeriy. Whatever it was, she felt the need to use the television instead of taking over the tablet again.

The black screen lit up to a face. An Asian face. An Asian with a scarred smile on a blank expression. Lips parted, as if to say something, but no sound came through. Her dark eyes narrowed a tad before a series of clicks came from the speakers. Taps on the keys.

The white noise from the television muted and text appeared at the bottom of her image.

_She asleep?_

I gave a hesitant nod, opening my mouth to call out to Valeriy. It was her best friend on the screen.

_Not yet._

Instead of typing more, she merely stared.

And stared.

And stared.

I held back every movement under her analyzing stare. 

I couldn’t help my eyes from glancing at the eight petalled flower. It kept bouncing down into the screen from the upper left corner. Not at a consistent rate. Nothing regular about it. Had a slight sway to its movement.

As if it was staring too.

The Asian woman’s eyes suddenly looked to the side. To the right. Her lips moving. Talking to somebody. Either somebody close by and at least 325 centimeters tall or the A.I. ghost.

_Make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid._

_(She means don’t let Val dash off and go driving in a blind rage.)_

The soft white noise started up again and, with an eerie grin, “Hi hi!” blurted through the line.

Valeriy’s body jerked up. Her hand flying to her hip and grabbing at something that wasn’t there. Her taser. But her other hand was already wound around a pen.

My muscles couldn’t help but tense. Bracing for a stab.

“Wha? Huh? Amber…? What uh… wh-what up…?”

“There’s good news and bad news,” the other woman stated.

Now the eight petalled flower turned and stared at her. Staying lower and swaying by her head. A vine with three leaves joined the sway. Dropped down into the footage from the upper right corner.

“…Uhhh you’re not mad at… me?”

“Mad at – What stupid thing did you do this time? What do I have to fix?”

Now the woman on the screen sounded irritated.

“Nothing since last time…?” Valeriy tried. Her voice barely even projecting.

The Asian woman heaved a sigh. “Good news first or the bad?”

“…The bad…? Might as well get started on the mess I have to clean up.”

Now both of them were irritated.

‘I don’t want to be in the room anymore….’

Another two vines joined the swaying mass of plant parts. All dropping down from the top of the screen. One even bumped the Asian woman’s cheek and was promptly waved away.

“Project Oasis – ”

“I buried that,” Valeriy cut in, devoid of emotion. Except she wasn’t.

“Not anymore, it’s not. It’s too late to hide it again. Ayers made an announcement at the symposium.”

Everything about the young woman was blank, but it didn’t feel that way. Something contained just below the surface. Made every instinct I had screaming for me to run. Get myself out of sight. Far away where I couldn’t hear any orders.

“The Ayers are bringing fresh water to the world. Pretty sure it’s over losing Africa, or so I was told. Been a little hectic on my end since the announcement. Which is where the good new –”

“Losing – LOSING AFRICA!?!?!”

I bolted to my feet, grabbed the dogs, and leaped over the fireplace. Sinking low to the ground to hide.

Even if there were a lit fire, I would have gone through it to get away. Had to hide. But the three of us were too big. Tails and legs poking out from the sizable column where the fireplace sat on.

“I just bloody got Africa back!!!!!”

Something made of glass shattered against the floor tiles as the young woman in the room continued to scream words.

All I could do was pull Ixie and Zephyr closer. Anything to make us smaller while we were stuck here.

No safe out.

The room was too big, too empty to slip to another area. We’d be spotted. The kitchen would have been our best chance at slipping away. The long counter would have provided cover if she wasn’t right in between.

‘I should have leaped backwards….’

Even if it took two extra seconds.

Now the closest option was the stairs, and that involved four seconds in the open. In her full view.

 “Cheboi’s our fucking in!!! I just had him moved into place!!! He’s letting us mine the br –!!!”

_“Mrrrrrowww!!”_

_My head whipped around, gun drawn._

_I was told to wait here. Alone._

_At the sharp clatter, my gut dropped and my nerves readied themselves for the worst._

_On the floor, broken into pieces was a vase that once sat on a column. On the column sat a feline._

“HOW IN THE HELL DID THEY EVEN FIND PROJECT OASIS!?!?!”

_“HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THAT PIECE COST ME?!?! JADE!! CARVED FROM ONE SOLID PIECE!!!”_

_I saw the arm coming. Felt the slap across my face._

_I didn’t know what was to come, but all I felt were the ghost pains. It consumed my body. Every inch of skin. The flesh under it. The bones beneath that._

“I buried it under ‘is eating shit a healthy diet!?!’ They had to sift through hundreds of shit studies I had made!!! The pictures alone should have sent them running!!!”

_“Take the carving knife,” the handler ordered._

_My body listened. My hand refused to stop moving. My fingers wrapped around the hilt of the correct knife even when my nerves screamed for me to stop._

_“Carve lines across your legs, working your way up until I say otherwise._ No _. Are you stupid?! The shower. Don’t stain my hardwood.”_

_The handler didn’t follow, but that didn’t matter._

_An order was an order._

_And I must obey –_

“Hey…. Dead guy,” the woman on the screen called out. Eyes staring down in my direction. With three swaying vines grabbing bunches of her hair and pulling up.

‘Please don’t draw attention to me. Please don’t draw attention to me. Please don’t – ’

“You. The guy who’s supposed to be dead a bajillion years ago. Yes you, hey. You need to calm her down.”

I shook my head. She couldn’t order me. She’s not my handler.

“It should have never been found!!! It’s fucking eating shit!!!”

“Or dart her. Preferably before she goes bolting out the door.”

The dart revolver found itself between the metal fingers. Arms still trying to keep the dogs in our hiding place. My eyes following the pacing shadow in the reflection of the window. My ears tracked the sounds of her steps.

‘I can do this.’

One dart and this was over.

‘I can do this.’

“Who the bloody hell would look into eating shit!?! What dumb fuck would think eating shit is healthy and look into it!?!?!”

‘I can do this.’

One dart and she’d stop screaming for blood.

‘I can do this.’

The target was close. Unarmored. Precision unnecessary. Twitches in the fingers inconsequential.

‘I can do this.’

Just _one_.

‘I can do this.’

Target incapacitated.

‘I can do this.’

“It should have never seen the light of day until I took o –…until I… I….”

At her pause in rage, I ducked back behind the fireplace. Scrambling to tuck all the dog limbs out of sight. Had to keep them safe.

But when I glanced up at the television above me, the Asian woman was glaring downwards in my general direction. Lasting only for two seconds before a sigh swallowed the expression. “A lot has changed since we came up with that silly little dream, hasn’t it?”

“…Yeah….”

“Calmed down enough for a bit of good news?”

“What _possible_ good news could there be!?! They’re fucking twisting our stupid dream!!! The last thing I ever wanted for it!!!”

“Are you finished with the ranting?”

“…Yeah, yeah. ‘Kay. So what’s the good – What the fuck is happening to your hair?”

Now five vines had a hold of the Asian’s hair while they swayed and bounced. And the flower was staring downwards. Likely where I was on their screen.

“Was bored,” the woman on the screen stated, trying to fight for her locks of black hair. “Read Harry Potter for the bajillionth time. Tried to make a Devil’s Snare…. Ended up a little more than different from what I had in mind…. Started growing before I planted the seed….”

 “If you’re keeping it, bring it down to Mag Mell. We can’t risk it reproducing on the surface with that growth rate.”

“I know. I know. ‘Protocols.’ Now can we get to the good news?”

“Yeah. ‘Kay. What’s the good news?” the young woman behind me punctuated with a huff, hands on her hips.

“Took a few days, but I managed to get placed as project head. Make sure we do this properly. As close to what we wanted for Project Oasis. Did you think I wouldn’t fight for our silly little dream?”

“…How did you…?”

“They couldn’t figure out the self-destruction gene in our water purifying bacteria, but they were cracking it.”

“They were impatient, so they let you take charge when you asked….”

“I can use the help. Managing a project isn’t what I do. It might not be how we wanted this to go, but we can make sure things are done well enough.”

“Sorry for the scream –…Bucky? Where’d you go?”

I couldn’t help but flinch. Pulling Ixie and Zephyr closer. To be smaller. To fill less space.

“The dead guy?” The Asian woman pointed downwards. Having given up the fight against the now thirteen vines.

“Damn it, Amber. His name is Bucky.”

My eyes squeezed shut at the approaching footsteps. One clicking against the tiles.

“Hey Bucky,” the young woman called out, a scratchy whisper compared to the yelling. “I’m sorry for my outburst. I’m not going to hurt you, ‘kay? Or them.”

She sat down on the couch, keeping a comfortable distance from me and the dogs. Didn’t corner us against the fireplace. She stayed to the left of me.

I could use that arm to block her. The metal plates could handle most things.

“What do you need to feel safe, Bucky? What can I do?” she asked calmly. A slightly forced smile pulled on her lips

Pull arm. Slam head into fireplace. Target incapacitated.

“You’re still mad,” I noted.

“I’m not mad at you, nor will I be taking out that anger on you. Or the dogs. ‘Kay?”

Her smile didn’t promise pain. No orders spilled from her lips. An open, outstretched hand. Not a closed fist. Not wrapped around a blade. Nothing sharp around us. Except for the corners of the fireplace.

‘She’s not them…’ I had to remind myself and let go of the dogs.

Ixie barked once, tail wagging in my face.

Zephyr slid towards the windows after a failed attempt to tackle the young woman. Dodged with only a little scoot to the side.

The young woman only gave him a friendly pat on his shoulders. “Go comfort Bucky, will you?”

Both dogs nuzzled their heads against mine. Neither of them any bit gentle with their movements. It was like being buried by 173 kilograms of soft warm fur.

“Amber, I’ll call you back in a few.”

“‘Kay, ‘kay,” waved the other woman. Hair still clutched by the vines. Another flower joined the group of twenty vines.

With a click, the screen turned black.

A blanket joined the mix, wrapping around me, and Valeriy’s face popped up far closer than I expected. She quickly showed her hands, palms out to show me they were empty.

“Nothing will happen to you, Bucky. You’re safe here,” she assured with a soft smile.

I didn’t realize I had reached out to her hand until delicate fingers tangled with mine. Warm against my skin. Her thumb sliding back and forth along mine.

All of it soothing my nerves.

I tugged on her hand and she went with the movement. Arms coming up to wrap around my head. Fingers carding through my hair. Knuckles digging into the muscles at the base of my skull.

And my muscles relaxed into the hug.

It’s safe here.

“You’re safe,” Valeriy whispered against the top of my head. “No pain. No chairs.”

_She lifted our hands towards her face._

_I expected teeth to sink into my skin again._

_“I’m sorry, Bucky.”_

_But it was a pair of lips pressed against my knuckle. Done so very softly._

_But it was a pair of lips pressed against my knuckle. Done so very softly._

_But it was a pair of lips pressed against my knuckle. Done so very softly._

_But it was a pair of lips pressed against my knuckle. Done so very softly._

_But it was a pair of lips pressed against my knuckle. Done so very softly._

_But it was a pair of lips pressed against my knuckle. Done so very softly._

_But it was a pair of lips pressed against my knuckle. Done so very softly._

_Done so very softly._

_Done so very softly._

_Done so very softly._

_Done so very softly._

_Done so very softly._

_Done so very softly._

_Done so very softly._

“– those after him?” asked a muffled voice coming from behind me. Barely heard over the movements in the kitchen.

“Eve’s been running interference,” came Valeriy’s reply in a soft whisper. Far clearer.

“Wasn’t asking what she was doing.” The voice of her friend’s likely muffled from using the earbuds again. To keep the volume low.

“…I… I’m not doing anything with them…?”

“You’re doing _nothing_ ….”

“Yeah….”

A doughy scent mixed with cinnamon wafted through the room. Along with the metal clanging against the stone countertops, she was likely having another go at baking.

‘The cinnamon buns from the tube.’

“Not even looking into them?”

“Yup. Nothing.”

“…I’m missing something. Since when do you _not_ gather information?”

‘She wrapped me up again…’ I noted, from under a pile of tightly wound blankets. But as usual, she left my hands free to move.

“Urgh, it’s driving me up the wall,” Valeriy responded with a fwump of the oven door closing. “All I can think about are ways to dig up their little secrets and tear them to pieces. But I can’t do much with eight year old info…. And from the sounds of it, they’re a far bigger network than I thought…. Their reach is starting to feel bigger than ours.”

“Eight years…. That company we looked into before your parents kidnapped me?”

“…Apparently…? At least that weirdo we spied on is one of them.”

“What’s stopping you? The old man wouldn’t stop you if they’re after the dead guy.”

“His name is Bucky, Amber… and he asked me not to.”

“He asked you… _not to_ …. Dman, he’s really one of us, isn’t he? Okay, _fine_.  I’ll help him like you asked of me,” stated in a tone that made my skin crawl.

“You’re not mad about that?”

“I hate it. I hate that you asked this of me. I hate that _I’m_ the one to do this. But I’m not mad at you for it.”

“…I thought you were mad at me,” Valeriy admitted barely above a whisper.

“Been busy untwisting our silly little dream, and then the whole dying children and Puppets thing happened.”

“Right…. I’ll get cracking on the proposals once I get all this oily stuff off my fingers.”

“And maybe figure out a way for you to work around him asking you not to look into the six legged octopus gang.”

“As much as I want to erase them from existence, I don’t know if I want to loophole this one. We’re safe here.”

The faucet turned on, filling the silence between them.

‘She wants… she wants to fight against Hydra…?’

The thought of facing them terrified me. If _they_ didn’t have answers as to how to fix what they did to my mind, I’d spend the rest of my days doing everything I could to avoid them.

I couldn’t expose her to the horrors that made up Hydra. She’d break and change, and I didn’t want that for her.

“…still hasn’t moved… legitimately… going to hurt… _how?_ ”

I could barely hear her friend over the running water.

“I have some idea where he’s coming from.”

“But… enhanced. Similar… other dead guy… who’s no longer….”

“You’ve got to stop calling them dead. They’re not dead.”

“…I’ll try… and…you okay… him thinking that?”

“Ye – Where is this coming from?” Valeriy asked, the light tone dropping from her voice. She even shut off the faucet.

“I’d rather catch the problem before I’m picking up the pieces. Only a matter of time before I won’t be able to find a fix to the messes you make of your body.”

“…I haven’t been so bad this time around? Bucky’s put a stop to most of my dumber ideas… and prevented a lot of stupid accidents….”

‘ _Most_ …’ the word echoing in my head. ‘…What the hell did she do?’

Whatever it was, it could explain why her movements have been careful as of the last five days. Likely due to sore muscles.

“Your self-destructive streak better not pile up into one incredibly stupid stunt again.”

“Uhhhhhh….”

I could hear all the bad ideas in Valeriy’s pause. Mostly jumping off of high places. If she jumped enough times, that could explain the sore muscles.

“Need I remind you how sick you were for the months after you – ”

 “Please don’t spike me with some weird thing. Bucky’s eating the PROs too.”

“His serum can handle it. _Maybe_ some slight nausea.”

“He’s got enough going on. He doesn’t need to worry about his food ‘cause you’re curious about his… wait, serum? As in the Rebirth thing –?”

“ _I do believe Mr. Barnes has come to,_ ” the A.I. ghost stated, putting an end to their conversation and their attention on me.

“Bucky!”

I turned at Valeriy’s voice. Facing that beaming grin and all the panic and nerves she buried beneath it.

“Oh oh! I threw some cinnamon buns in the oven! Be done in about… I have no idea…?”

“ _Eleven minutes, give or take a couple._ ”

“Thank you…” I said, folding the eight blankets wrapped tightly around me. A short task if the dogs weren’t tugging at a corner every time I made a fold.

A glance up at the television and there wasn’t much of the Asian that could be seen. She was covered under the vines. I couldn’t tell where one began and another started. There were even thirty flowers swaying and bouncing. All of them facing the same thing. The woman, who was still calm. Irritated but calm. Even when her arm was being pulled out from under her chin at random intervals.

Valeriy made her way around the long counter. Careful on her left foot. Wobbly on the right. A glass of water in hand. The other trailed across my shoulders as she plopped down next to me. A toe nudging Zephyr’s butt out of the way.

“Shit. It found a scalpel,” said far too flat for a woman facing a plant swaying and bouncing a blade all over the footage. “Where’s my plant eating bacteria?”

“ _I can’t open the drawer. The vines are in the way._ ”

“Amber?” Valeriy called out. Her knuckles white from how hard she clutched the cushion under her.

The Asian reached for the scalpel. Not a trace a fear on her face. No regard of the risks to being cut by the plant.  “Give me that.” A couple slaps against the vines and her fingers tugged the scalpel free. “Where’s the torch?”

“Amber! Just ‘cause you can’t feel the fire, doesn’t mean you’re not actually on fire!”

“I’ll be fine. Call me back when you’re finished with him.”

Before the footage cut out, her expression sent ice running through my veins. Eyes directed a tad to the left of me.

“Bucky…?” Valeriy called out, making me flinch.

“…I’ve angered your friend.”

“Huh? Oh! A project just has her irritated.” Her fingers buried into my hair. Her other arm wrapping around my shoulders. “…And she can be damn scary when she’s annoyed. She won’t hurt you either. Worse comes to worse, hide behind me.”

“ _Chanelle tried that and Amber tickled the poor girl around you._ ”

“To be fair, I hold no loyalties to that two-faced thief, and she was using me as a meat shield… and there are very few things in this world that I’m willing to stand in Amber’s way for.”

“…I’m not going to hide behind you,” I muttered, leaning my forehead against her.

“Hey, I make a pretty good meat shield. I’m worth more alive than dead, _and_ I’m not all that durable.”

“ _That’s not reassuring in the least._ ”

Valeriy rolled her eyes and pulled me closer to her. “Amber’s not going to hurt you, Bucky. She’s not violent. She _might_ tickle you though. If she’s bored enough. That’s all you have to remember when it comes to her irritated mood.”

“If you don’t…. How do you deal with your anger?” I asked.

Maybe if I knew what to expect….

“Mostly speed down trails and trying to break my records? Changing over to climbing though…. A bit safer? Neither really helps. Just end up more pissed when I don’t break the records….”

That wasn’t something I wanted to hear for a few reasons.

“ _That comes after some flying objects and screaming at people._ ”

That explained the broken mug, which an attempt had been made to clean it. She missed a few pieces.

‘I should pick those up before she steps on them.’

“Okay, I don’t throw things _at_ … bystanders…? And I don’t yell at the wrong person either.”

‘Here they go.’

Another argument.

“ _Is that so. I recalled being yelled at quite often._ ”

“That’s ‘cause you bloody piss me off _quite often_. A fucking chunk of the shit I have to deal with is no thanks to you.”

“ _…I guess it can be seen that way. A good portion of the messes I have to clean up is due to you, young lady._ ”

“Oi! Don’t lump me in with the rest of the family. They’ll always have you as a safety net.”

“ _Oh that hurt. That’s not something I have control over._ ”

“Oh really now? Eve can’t sway something her way? Do you think me so damn dumb? You – Sorry. Enough temper tantrums for a day….”

I hummed in agreement.

Valeriy’s head tipped to the side, resting against mine. She huffed out a breath. “How are you feeling?”

I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her into a hug. “I’m fine…. Will you be out for dinner?”

From how the past hour had gone, I’d be surprised to see her before tomorrow.

“I don’t think… I don’t kno – Oh, what the hell. I’ll find the time. We shall dinner and you’ll dart me, or I’ll be spending the rest of the fucking night working with Amber.”

Her hand quickly moved back and forth on my head, making a mess of my hair.

“And you better bloody dart me. I could use the sleep.”

With a limp in her stride, she ran for her room.

“It’s the three of us again,” I said to Ixie and Zephyr.

“ _Not like I’m right here._ ”

“…How does a long run on the perimeter sound?” I asked the two of them.

Ixie barked. tail wagging.

Zephyr was already halfway to the door.

“ _Fine, go where I can’t follow._ ”

 

******

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we know what's going through Bucky's head when he, as Eve puts it, breaks. ^^


	29. Valeriy Ayers - Powdered Sugar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, I tried to update faster but I haven't been successful thus far. Editing each chapter takes weeks. T^T. I'll keep trying though. Thank you to everyone who's been so patient with me.

 

******

 

 _“_ They have eyes in the sky. Human eyes…. Stick to the shadows. I got the cameras. They’ll be everywh– Go! _”_

_A door slammed into my back, and my face bounced off a solid chest of muscles._

_‘Ow? My eyeballs…. I need more comfortable glasses.’_

_Bucky stood there, staring out the door. Eyes wide. Breathing short. He even took the tiniest step back._

_“Hey, hey, Bucky. I need you to stay with me,” I told him, pulling every trick that just might calm him down enough. “We need to move. Just stay with me, Bucky. We’ve got this.”_

_The mess of Pacman ghosts were like ants, systematically swarming around on the glass’s lens. Some of which were descending upon us. Their numbers growing by the second._

_“_ Now, _” Eve snapped in my ear._

_I knew I didn’t have time. I could see it in the way the ghosts moved. Our window was closing. Fast._

_My hand slid down the hard surface of his cybernetic and grabbed his fingers. Turning on my heel, I dashed for the fence. Leapt down the steps and hoped that Bucky followed me._

_‘Waka waka waka waka waka waka.’_

_I had time. A bit of time to get away from the safehouse. Hopefully far enough that the safehouse wouldn’t be compromised. Wouldn’t hear the end of it from Eve if it were._

_At a little tug on my hand, I squeezed down on his. A quick glance over my shoulder and it seemed that he didn’t spot something that Eve hadn’t._

_‘Waka waka waka waka waka waka.’_

_As long as we kept to the shadows, the chopper would have a hard time seeing us. The patchwork of greys made that more difficult. Harder to spot than a solid mass of black in a humanoid shape of clothing._

_I let go of his hand to grab onto the edge of the fence, hauled myself over and made sure to roll into my landing. My ankle pulsed in protest, but I continued to run for the next fence. At least Bucky’s Pacman was keeping up and not still in the safehouse backyard._

_‘Waka waka waka waka waka waka.’_

_The ghost avatars were closing in on us. Things will be tricky now._

_“_ Hide. _”_

_It’d be cutting it close, but I could take advantage of the pause before they move into the open backyard. I could make it over the next fence just as the men in there turn their backs to –_

_‘Oh fuck, I’m in a bloody dream. I’m not going to make it. Damn shi –’_

_The straps on my pack yanked my whole body backwards into a hedge._

_‘This… is a little awkward…’ I thought._

_From how intensely he glared holes into the guy walking past us, Bucky was a little more than focused on that than where his hand was. On my chest, pinning me against a tree._

_‘You know what, wasn’t I on bloody nerve blockers during this? What the fuck brain?! Why can’t you get that bit right?!’_

_My movements were almost as numb as it was that night._

_“Did I…? Did I just get shot through the bloody head? That didn’t happen! Fucking damnit!!’_

_Back to the jumping fences._

_Yay…._

_‘Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me! I slipped and died on a fucking pool toy?! Where’s the fucking pool!?! I hate you, brain!’_

_“They know about you,” Bucky whispered in my ear._

_“Oh well?” I shrugged._

_‘Not a bad place to restart.’_

_“…Are those Pacman ghosts…?”_

_‘Waka waka waka waka waka waka.’_

_The disapproval on his face could burn itself into my one eye as the other watched possible escapes routes close by the second._

_“Ye-yea –!”_

_‘There wasn’t even! Eve didn’t see this guy! Oh… this…. This is in the wrong fucking spot…’ I couldn’t help but think with my toes barely touching the ground no thanks to the bastard yanking on my hair._

_“Move, and I’ll slice your throat,” the words snarled into the side of my head with a bad case of coffee breath. “Where is the Asset?”_

_“The what?” I countered, buying time and searching for a way out of this shit storm._

_This guy wasn’t exactly an amateur. The blade pressed right up against my skin. No wiggle room. I’d be bleeding out before I do a thing. So that only left me with my words until the blade moved enough for me to slip my arms in between._ Probably _…._

_“Don’t play dumb, girl. The man with a metal arm.”_

_“I have_ no _fucking clue as to what you’re talking about,” I insisted and felt the blade slide into my skin._

My eyes snapped open at the almost inhale sound. That sound could only have been from the seal between rooms breaking. The shelf door’s been opened.

I grabbed onto the taser as the remnants of my dreams slipped between my fingers and panic filled its place.

“ _Uh… Mr. Barnes is umm…._ ”

Now a different panic bubbled up inside me. My hand let go of the taser in favour of searching the bed. Had to make sure that the blanket was somewhat in place or maybe find my shirt.

“ _He is… under your bed?_ ”

“Bucky? What is he – Where’s my fucking shirt? Ev – oof.”

“ _I believe it’s now on your face._ ”

“No shit, Sherlock,” I huffed, face still stinging from the slap.

The man under my bed had a powerful arm.

Crawling into my shirt, I spotted my shorts flying up. Once all dressed and properly covered up, I peered over the edge and spotted a terrified Bucky pacing under my bed.

His shoulders hunched high, close to his ears. His hands clenched and unclenched with almost every step. His breaths went in with gasps and came out in little puffs. His body was outright shaking.

Those blue eyes rapidly darted from one spot to the next. They locked with mine and he froze, staring up at me. So lost under all that fear.

I could practically hear the screams of ‘ _help me_ ’ in his eyes.

 “Bucky, come up. The aerial ribbons are – or you could just jump. Jumping works,” I half babbled while wrapping him up in my big fluffy comforter.

“It’s all… It’s all a-a lie,” Bucky muttered, his face burying down against my collarbone.

I gently combed his hair away from his face. Hopefully, it’d stop tickling my neck. Last thing I wanted was to shoulder check him in the face. That’d be bad.

“Who lied to you?” I asked softly, pulling him closer. “What am I even asking? Eve, what did you lie about?”

“ _In my defence, I was trying to avoid this very situation._ ”

The words _Cover his eyes_ flashed up on the window for a second or two. Small enough that I almost couldn’t read it. Fast enough that I barely had time to make sense of the letters.

I used a deep breath to disguise my shoulder movement, and a small section of the window changed. The green trees turned white. Looked like they were covered in powdered sugar for another two seconds or so.

‘Ah shit. So much for being July.’

I haven’t even started thinking about how to warm him up to the idea of winter if we stayed here longer than I planned.

“How ‘bout we light a fire and… eat a bunch of… hot things? P-Pizza? Or… hot… hot chocolate…?”

Bucky shook his head, curling up into a ball. One arm wrapped around me, half dragging me to him. Still, he shivered like crazy. If his body temperature weren’t running so hot, I’d have thought he’d been outside in the snow for hours.

 _I did what I could. He told me to open the door when I wouldn’t let him. He wanted to walk the dogs. I tried, but you made it impossible for me_.

My fingertips dug in against his scalp, scratching lightly. My arms held him tight, hoping it’d let him know that he wasn’t alone. Or with them in whatever hellish nightmare they forced him through.

“Breathe with me, Bucky. Come on. You can do it. Just breathe.”

The first one was a shaking gasp. The second was better. By the third, his breathing evened out.

“There we go. I’m not going to let you freeze, ‘kay? Eve, turn up the temp in this room. However high before killing my wall.”

“ _Should I wake up Mochi then?_ ”

“No. I don’t want to be on Amber’s bad side. I’ll go find more blankets. Or not….”

Not when Bucky’s arm clamped down. I wasn’t going anywhere. Physically unable to get away. Emotionally unable to let go.

‘Maybe pillows will help.’

I had plenty of those. Even if a few of them ended up on the floor when he jumped up here. Whatever it took to make him feel warm. Safe.

“Bucky? You asked me this before when I was scared. What do you need to feel safe? What can I do? I… can go melt the snow with… a flamethrower?”

“You’re going to set everything on fire.”

_Two words: forest fire._

‘ _Great_ , they’re on the same page.’

“Fine, no flamethrower. I’ll just… make a heat bomb or something? Yeah, I should be able to do a heat bomb. Just have to adjust a couple of the chemical thingies and – ”

“No,” the man in my arms grumbled against the nape of my neck.

Took everything I had not to twitch in a violent giggle fit.

“Can we…?” he started, his face snuggling ever closer.

“Whatever you want.”

“Stay.”

“Okay, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Can we stay here…? Like this?”

“For as long as you want.”

So here we stayed, wrapped up in limbs, pillows and a giant fluffy down comforter.

My fingers continued to comb through his knotted hair, untangling it all. My other hand massaged the stiff muscles on the back of his neck. The cast seemingly not bothering him at the moment, from what I could tell. But my bones weren’t all too happy about the movements.  My toes pulled up whichever pillows on the bed that weren’t already piled atop of him.

Even grabbed the portable heated eye mask tucked between the bedframe and snuck it under the fluff mountain. Right up against his shirt. Wasn’t too sure he’d like me shoving things into his clothing.

I couldn’t help but hum some off tune melody by his ear. Maybe it could tune out some of the horrors in his head. I could only hope. Occupy as many senses of his and pray that’d pull him into this moment.

As the minutes ticked by, the shivering faded. Little by little. His tense muscles unfurled, and he sunk down into the soft mattress.

When my foot accidentally kicked his cybernetic, he tried to scramble away or shift the arm further back behind him.

I didn’t let him go. I pulled him closer with all my limbs, rolling onto my back until he was half on top of me. Ease the pressure off his shoulder. That position couldn’t have been any bit comfortable.

He struggled to back up, and I held him tight for a second or two before relaxing my limbs. Let him do whatever he wanted, and he still backed away.

“Valeriy, your ribs. They’re –”

“Shhh. They’re fine.”

“I’m 111.6 kilograms… with the arm”

“The cast can handle your weight just fine,” I countered, open palm pressed to his stubbled cheek. “It’s pretty comfy like this too… Bucky?”

He hummed in response, eyes stuck to the windows.

Made me give them a quick glance for anything white. Just the clouds.

“Maybe we should… we should do something different when it’s snowing? Instead of erasing all the snow.”

“ _I did a fabulous job of it until he opened the door. Out there, I can’t alter reality._ Yet _._ ”

“How ‘bout we…. When it snows, we go with… something opposite of snow…?”

“ _Punalu’u Beach. Oceanside. Tropical. Black lava sand. Opposite of here and snow._ ”

At her words, the forest outside my window turned into an ocean. White waves broke over black sand.

“Would this work –”

“ _Inside Mount Nyiragongo. Magma. Glowing orange. Black rocks and ash. It looks hot. Opposite of snow._ ”

It ‘ _looks_ ’ hot was an understatement, and Bucky flinched at every random magma lava burp thing.

‘They better have not shoved him into a volcano.’

“ _Great Barrier Reef. Below sea level. Coral. Fish. Opposite of up a mountain._ ”

The windows changed again from the violent reds and blacks to the colourful undersea world of corals and fish.

“This or back to the beach? Either of those work as an option? She’s only trying to look out for you, Bucky.”

“ _And I’m not the horrid person you see me as, Mr. Barnes. I have my priorities, and the chains placed on me makes accomplishing such tasks as protecting you more than difficult._ ”

 “She,” said with a hand wave to the ether, “only wants to keep me from snapping and killing you.”

“ _Can’t say that it’s not rather high on my list of priorities._ ”

“You’re not going to hurt me,” I countered.

So much doubt casted down my way. He couldn’t believe a word I said. “How could you say that after… after I….”

His fingers barely skimmed my neck where bruises were fading. Pretty sure the one he was tracing came from Zeph and his fucking hug blocking karate chop.

The underwater scenery changed and shifted back to the black sand beach.

_He was more settled with the beach compared to the other two._

“I could have snapped your neck then,” he practically snarled out. “22 days ago. In the car. With the librarian. Almost killed her too.”

“But you didn’t.”

“Valeriy…” said so brokenly that the unshed tears threatening to fall got lost in all the hopelessness he embodied.

I reached up, moving as slowly as I could, and wiped away the little droplets clinging to his lashes. “Never said it’s going to be easy, Bucky. If only these things were easy….”

His face leaned against my hand. He went with me when I gently tugged him down. His head tucked under my chin. His right arm wrapped around my left shoulder, snuggling in.

I held onto him with all I had. Maybe it’d ease the desperate need to hold himself together, all alone. “I’m staying right here. You can relax, Bucky. I got you. You’re not going to hurt me.”

“I don’t want to hurt anybody,” he mumbled.

“It’s a struggle. But you’re giving it your all. I’m still in one piece thanks to you.”

And then he relaxed, sinking down into the bed with me stuck in between.

‘Okay, so 111.6 kilos is a lot heavier than I thought….’

If it wasn’t for the metal cast wrapped around my ribs, I’d probably have some problems with the breathing.

  _Laughter giggled out of me, mixed with a couple of chokes on the water splashing in my face. My little hand pushed at the water surface, trying to send back my own wave of water. My other arm rested on the rough pool tiles that lined the edge._

_“That’s not how you learn how to swim,” laughed a man. “This is how you learn.”_

_“Daddy? Wai –!!!”_

_A pair of large hands grabbed my torso, pulling me away from the safety of the pool edge. My nails raked against the rough tiles, catching on the grooves before I was sent screaming through the air._

_My body slammed against the water, sinking immediately. My limbs flailed, clawing and kicking for the surface in front of my face. But no matter how I fought, I couldn’t reach it._

_‘Hold up. Am I…? Why the fuck am I dreaming?! Damn it! Wake up!! Fucking hell! I’m bloody drowning…. Fuck it! Bucky deserves better, you piece of shit! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!!’_

_With a gasp, I shot up from under a warm cozy blanket._

_‘Success!! Uhhh…. This is the Asian Pacific room…. Oh fuck. Damn it. Wake up! Val! You shit for brains! Wake up!!!!’_

_With a gasp, I shot up from under a warm cozy blanket._

_‘Damn it this is the jet. Fuck!!! Wake up! Already!!!’_

_Fighting the invisible strings holding me in this place of my mind felt impossible. Nothing to punch. Nothing to scream at but myself._

“Why is your bed still moving?” Bucky’s deep voice dragged me right out of the little nap. Or what I hoped was a little nap.

“Sorry, I believe I misheard the quest…tion…. Uhhh… sorry….” I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.

He seemed to ignore my outburst and said, “The swaying. Your bed should have stopped moving 158 seconds ago.”

“Hmmm? My bed? Yeah. Umm, it helps me sleep? I used to pass out on trains and boats, or really bad plane turbulence. Eve, mind – Thanks.”

The swaying slowed and would eventually come to a stop.

“ _I was curious if he’d turn green._ ”

I could only sigh in response. No words. I have no words for Eve.

“Is that why it’s 362 centimetres off the floor?” Bucky asked, probably trying to dodge another argument.

“No…. It… it used to be a lot lower. I didn’t… feel safe and cut the ropes. Even added bells to the aerial ribbons….”

“Climbing up here isn’t good for your hand.”

“It’s a loop. So I can hang on with one hand and Eve can pull me up.”

“ _Would have been simpler if you left the pulley ropes long. I could have left the bed at this height when it’s not in the ceiling._ ”

“Yeah, no. That’s not happening.”

“Why do you have a wall of glowing mushrooms and flowers? Do they have homicidal vines too?”

“Ooo, those vines would be a fun security feature.”

“You’re _not_ putting that in your bedroom,” Bucky stated, staring into my eyes. His brow furrowed with a massive frown on his lips. He honestly thought I’d sleep in a room with that crazy ass plant.

“ _How lovely, I don’t have to be the only sensible one around._ ”

“Hahaha. Alright, fine. I won’t, and that wall’s all safe. Amber made it for me since….”

“ _In the case of a power outage, there would be enough light._ ”

“Yeah… that….”

“I’ll come running,” Buck said softly. “If you’re in the dark, I’ll be there, Valeriy. You won’t be alone in the dark.”

Somehow. _Somehow._ I believed his words. They weren’t sugar coated or lies dressed as promises. Those bright blue eyes held every intention of following through.

“Thank you, Bucky, but I’m the least of your worries at the mo – Bucky? What’s wrong?”

He bolted up, his heart thudding against my fingertips. “Ixie and Zeph. I-I I left the door open.”

“They’re fine, Bucky.”

“They’ll freeze to death.”

“They’re built to handle the snow. They’re fine. Worst comes to worst is they’re running about the kitchen melting snow everywhere, and we’ll have Eve whining about it.”

“ _Oi, I do not_ whine _, but yes, the two furry balls are caked in snow and are currently running amuck._ ”

“You’re really worried about them,” I noted out loud as I pushed myself into a sitting position next to Bucky. “What do you want to do more? Stay here or hang with the dogs? They probably left a trail of melted snow all over the place.”

He didn’t say anything, but his forehead ended up resting on my shoulder. So I pulled the comforter back around him.

“ _All over the place is an understatement. I haven’t put a dent in the cleanup with the mini mops. They erase any progress made._ ”

“We have mini mops?” I asked, completely swept away by curiosity.

“ _Someone made a mop version of a Roomba. I have control over a polishing version as well._ ”

“How many people did you slip with that?”

“ _On the record, zero._ ”

I ran my hand from Bucky’s soft hair to his lower back. Steady and obvious so he couldn’t mistake my arm movements for a slap.

“Those two know how to take care of themselves,” I assured softly. “They probably know this mountain as well as I do. They’re fine. They’re tough too. You never have to worry about the dogs or the doors here.”

“ _Doors are not matters that should trouble your mind, Mr. Barnes. They’re all under my control._ ”

‘And when you’re being passive aggressive, you make them weigh a fuck ton….’

“ _The dogs are perfectly fine. They’re totally fine being little shits._ ”

The black sand beach scene on the windows turned into a view of the main room. Long trails of water crisscrossed the floor. The dogs still chasing each other in circles. Large silver pucks were slowly moving across the tiles, erasing the wet marks.

‘…Fuck, the cushions need to be cleaned too.’

“Yeah, I’m not letting that bloody mess into my room.”

“I should go clean them up before they get sick,” Bucky mumbled against my shoulder.

“They have a grooming room… somewhere…. Eve will take care of them.”

His arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer and closer until I was partially hanging over his shoulder.

‘Okay. This hug is getting weird –’

A squealing giggle escaped me when the air whooshed past me. “Wha –? Where’s the thing?” I asked, bouncing my hand up and down.

“I use my legs.”

‘What the hell does that mean?! ‘I use my legs,’ _what_?!?’

“…Have you been jumping off your bed this whole time? Your ankle can’t handle that yet.”

‘I… don’t want to answer that,’ I thought, but my head dipped in a nervous nod. “Just a couple of times?”

I expected a scolding, but he merely sighed and stared up at my bed. No signs of him letting me back on my feet either. Just kept me sitting on his arm.

“Can we lower it?” Bucky suggested after a minute or so. “For a couple of months. Until you’re healed. I’ll be outside of your room. Nobody will come in here…. Or I can carry you on and off.”

“It’s only a couple of times when I forget I’m broken. I’m letting my bones heal. The faster they heal, the sooner you’re going to let me work on your arm.”

He couldn’t hide his distaste of that sentence, lips frowning as he walked up to the wall of bioluminescent plants. “I can live with how that arm is now.”

The cybernetic pointer fingers even twitched as he cautiously poked at a blue mushroom. The first one Amber made me.

“Let me have my fun solving a puzzle,” I countered to which he sighed at.

The next thing he poked at was a flower. A glowing green one that had which petals snap shut whenever they were touched. The cybernetic arm retreated so fast, I couldn’t even catch the blur.

A quick turn on the ball of his foot and Bucky marched right through the shelf door, which Eve so _kindly_ opened for him.

The dogs froze the moment we turned the corner. Stood frozen there and staring at us.

“Oh get off the fucking counter!! The both of you! We prep food there!!!” I huffed.

Every time I tried to get my foot on the floor, Bucky would move his arm up a tad. Just enough to block my attempts.

Both dogs leapt off the granite countertop, landing with a thud each.

“Oh shit.”

Reflexively, out of panic, I snapped the fingers of my right hand. The last thing Bucky needed was to be buried under all that snow encrusted fur. And I doubt I could handle their tackle.

The cast only made a clink sound while my bones wailed out a signal to my brain.

“Fuck! _Oww_ ….”

“ _Dumbass_.”

I tried not to move that hand anymore. Maybe the throbbing pain would stop. No luck.

Bucky’s cybernetic came into my view. Almost closed around my metal coated fingers before he froze.

‘Oh shit, the dogs.’

Unable to get onto my own feet to drag us away and with Bucky too busy clenching a mildly twitching fist, all I did was hide my face against his neck and waited for the pain to hit me.

Bucky barely swayed twice. One for each tackle of the dogs.

“Ughh, you’re all cold and wet,” I whined at the freezing wet fur on my leg. “Oh fuck! Zeph, Ix, go get cleaned up!! _Now_!” Punctuated with a snap of my left fingers and a point in a random direction away from us.

A bark later, claws scrambled along the tiles, moving away from us.

“ _I’m brimming with confidence that I leave my children’s lives in your_ capable _hands._ ”

“Then help me find a replacement already,” I snarked, dusting bits of rapidly melting ice off Bucky and my bare legs.

“ _Easier said than done. There’s only so much training and experience can bring to the table._ ”

“…Bucky?” I waved my good hand in front of his face.

No reaction.

Just a blank ass stare into who knows what.

A quick glance around, and none of the windows showed the snow. Only black sand and water. I doubt Eve would be messing around with him.

“ _The norepinephrine and cortisol levels on his skin aren’t as high as they were earlier, if that helps._ ”

If Bucky wasn’t so attached to the monitoring bracelet, I’d have ripped it off his wrist. Nobody needed their own feelings violated. At least, he didn’t.

“ _My guess would be that you broke him. Again. He hasn’t done this around the dogs. Only around you._ ”

 

******

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A thank you to Tinsela and the Anonymous Fifth Beta for beta-ing this chapter.


	30. Valeriy Ayers - Black Sand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously:  
> “…Bucky?” I waved my good hand in front of his face.  
> No reaction.  
> Just a blank ass stare into who knows what.  
> A quick glance around, and none of the windows showed the snow. Only black sand and water. I doubt Eve would be messing around with him.  
> “ _The norepinephrine and cortisol levels on his skin aren’t as high as they were earlier, if that helps._ ”  
> If Bucky wasn’t so attached to the monitoring bracelet, I’d have ripped it off his wrist. Nobody needed their own feelings violated. At least, he didn’t.  
> “ _My guess would be that you broke him. Again. He hasn’t done this around the dogs. Only around you._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clear up the scheduling for Mosaic posts. I should be posting up a new chapter the weekend after the 22nd or so. It'll be posted before the Update blurb until I'm finished with editing everything. 
> 
> The random updates before the 22nd's weekend will the updates to the edited chapters. 
> 
> I hope that helps clear up any confusion.
> 
>  
> 
> And a big thank you to [Tinsela](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tinsela/pseuds/Tinsela) and the Anonymous Fifth Beta for Beta-ing this chapter.

 

******

 

I lowered my legs, and his arm didn’t fight my attempt this time. He didn’t drop me on my ass, merely set me down.

“Come on, let’s go sit down, ‘kay?”

I took him by his hand and gently pulled him along behind me. He followed with no resistance or much reaction to anything around him.

Worse than he was when following orders….

Before I sat him down like usual, I yanked off the wet cushion cover and laid a fluffy blanket down. Wrapped him all up, made sure his arms were free to move and then had Eve started up a fire with a hand gesture.

“This is really starting to worry me, Bucky.”

He didn’t even move when I tucked a lock of hair behind his ear. Not a lean nor a flinch.

“Soteria’s supposed to be a safe place. It’s safe here. You’re safe here. People know you’re alive now. You’re not going to lose years to them anymore. You’re safe now.”

I pressed my forehead against his, letting my eyes fall shut.

“What the hell am I doing wrong?”

Not that I was expecting an answer.

“ _Maybe if you knock your head against his, you’d magically gain his knowledge…. Or he’d punch you in the face. Fifty-fifty._ ”

‘Not the response I was looking for…. Cinnamon buns.’

Brought in a bunch from the drop off I picked up last night.

“Urgh… the counters are disgusting….”

“ _If only they listened to me as well as they do you…._ ”

“Maybe they’d listen if you had fingers to snap.”

“ _…Still doesn’t work…._ ”

I shrugged. I doubt the dogs would ever listen to Eve unless it’s an emergency.

Picking up one of the mini mop Roombas, I flinched away at all the water spitting out of it from the spinning wet fabric. “Eve, mind pausing this thing for a sec?”

“ _I would rather not. This brings me joy,”_ she laughed.

With a heavy sigh, I set it back on the countertop. From how well it soaked up water under it, Eve likely had it spit water all over me on purpose.

‘…This… this is going to take bloody _forever_ …. Can’t even risk using the Game Floor to clean this shit. Bucky might freak out and Eve….’

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked, walking into the pantry to find a mop or something that soaks up water.

“ _Talk about what? The mop is behind the door, and you’re staring right at the shammies, you blind idiot._ ”

Did not help that they were practically neon orange. Totally did _not_ see them.

“Whatever it is that has you in this foul ass mood, maybe we could put our heads together and figure something out.”

“ _I’m rather certain that bringing people back to life is out of your skill set._ ”

“Shit. Don’t tell me it’s Gillespie who died.”

“ _No. Though we had to put her back into comatose, and a particular idiot has been trying to convince Fox, who’s been begging Mochi to grow an eyeball for his wife, to add a laser beam function to said eyeball…. I don’t have the energy to stop that train wreck._ ”

“To what I know, Amber hasn’t figured out biological laser beams… I’ll be cleaning and Bucky’s out for who knows how long, so if you want to rant?”

I haven’t touched a mop in _years_. Back in high school, and they hired a maid to clean my dorm room.

“ _Fernandez, he.... The shrapnel…. He didn’t…. I shouldn’t have pushed the schedule up. I was scared to lose track of the child… instead, I lost five of my children…._ ”

“Nobody could have predicted those kids tripping all those landmines. Not even you.”

“ _But I should have predicted this. That temper on Tran was bound to be trouble. She dreamed of the day she’d be on a mission. I took a chance… and hoped that she’d step up when the situation arose._ ”

“Your infield Puppets need to be team players. There’s no use for a hothead who can’t bother to think of their teammates. We rely on them to follow orders as much as they rely on us to have their backs.”

“ _And that’s why you’re horrendous infield._ ”

“Doesn’t help that I only have about half the skills required to be in field.”

“ _You do realize that you’re one to kill first and ask questions later, right? That’s going to do a number on Mr. Barnes, even if he isn’t the one to train you._ ”

“I am…? Oh shit, I am….”

Made sense. It’s usually the one advantage I had in most of the chaotic situations I’ve been in. Attempted kidnappings. Worth more alive than dead, which meant they’d be busying trying to keep me intact.

“ _I ran it by him. Maybe he’d stop with this idea of teaching you how to fight._ ”

I hated that.

Hated that I was being limited.

Hated that she was making moves behind my back.

“ _He got all constipated looking._ ”

Hated that she was manipulating Bucky.

Hated that Bucky might be my only chance to learn.

“ _He convinced himself it was for the better. The longer a fight drags on, the higher your chances of dying become._ ”

The only one who’d be willing to go up against Eve for such a petty reason.

“ _I honestly don’t understand what goes through his head. Why he sticks around you._ ”

“…Me too…. For now, the choice is his.”

“ _Until they come to drag him away. There’s only so much you and I can do to keep the violence away from him. Eventually, they’ll find him._ ”

“Maybe by then I’d have some combative skills in my toolbox. You know? To kill first and then… _politely ask_ whoever survives the bloodbath….”

“ _I suggest you think about what you hold more dear. Your toolbox of skills or his want to not hurt anybody._ ”

“Yay… more bloody thinking… yay….”

‘The more skills I have, the less deadweight I am. He could get himself captured trying to protect me….’

“My head hurts already…. I don’t want to use my brain anymore. Not for… the next week or so.”

“ _Never happening._ ”

‘Why did we have to make everything so damn big?’ I had to wonder.

For people who rarely stepped into a kitchen, I don’t know why we made one that’s probably bigger than the ones in our estates.

‘Right. We were fucking dumbass kids.’

“ _Only the cushion covers left._ ”

“I’m going to just chuck these downstairs. You can deal with them,” I said, gathering up all the petals. All except the one Bucky sat on. Dropped them onto the steps.

“ _I’m going to take a gander here, but did you forget about toasting a certain treat for a particular spaced out sergeant?_ ”

“….”

Without a word of acknowledgement, I quietly washed my hands and tossed a couple of cinnamon buns into the toaster.

“ _You should eat something yourself, Val._ ”

“…Yeah… I guess I should….”

Too lazy to do much else let alone move, I plucked a pair of PROs from the fridge and then stood in front of Bucky.

Should I sit to his left or right?

‘What the hell did those assholes do to you?’

On his left, he might feel safer with having his cybernetic between us, but he had never actually put it between us. Barely even let me touch it.

On his right, my usual spot.  That was if Zeph wasn’t hogging the hell out of it.

“ _Sit to his right. Last thing you need is to take another hit from that arm of his._ ”

“…Yeah, ‘kay.”

That made sense.

I made sure to keep some distance between us, not to invade his personal space or crowd him.

‘Well, this certainly wasn’t how I imagined my day would go….’

My thumb broke through the thin red peel. I tried to keep the skin in one piece. This time, instead of a winding spiral, I tried something akin to a world map. Sliced my nail down the side and wiggled my thumb between flesh and skin. The peel tore and broke wherever it was strained too much.

‘Aww, no….’

At the fallen third of the peel, I gave up my attempt. Impatience got the better of me and I finagled a purple coloured slice free.

I opened my mouth to take a sweet delicious bite only to scream.

My hand bashed against a stubbled chin, knocking a head into my nose.

“Bucky!?! _Achoo_! Oh god. Sorry! _Achoo_! You’re uhh…” I half babbled through my sneezes, awkwardly patting his chin that I half punched. “How…? Um, how are you…?”

Bucky just hummed. While he chewed the PRO slice he bit out of my fingers, a ghost of a smile played on his lips.

Not spotting any discomfort or fear in him, I shrugged off the incident and freed another slice to eat.

Only to have Bucky’s head get in the way again. This slice ended up in his mouth too. As well as the next one, and the one after that. No matter how fast I moved my hand, I could not managed to get a slice into my own damn mouth.

With four slices in his mouth, he looked so much like a chipmunk. Cheeks puffed out. Absolutely adorable. The temptation to poke at his cheeks grew by the second. Pretty sure that would end up with juice splattered all over the place.

Bucky plucked the rest of the PRO out of my hands.

“…Okay?”

With a shrug, I grabbed the other PRO.

Before I could get my thumb under the skin, he took that as well. Set it on the other side of him. Out of my reach.

“….”

‘At least he didn’t shove the whole thing into his mouth.’

So I took the next logical step. Get another pair from the fridge.

This time, his blanket hidden elbow moved to block my leg from straightening out. Effectively dropping me back onto my ass.

“…Bucky?” I called out, watching his fingers methodically pull the last two slices from the peel.

“Stay,” was all he said with his mouth still mostly full.

With no reason not to, I quietly sat next to him, watching him separate the two last slices.

Then nothing.

We just sat there staring at two slices of unnatural fruit. For who knows how long. And then Bucky raised a piece to my mouth.

“You don’t have –”

His fingers wiggled the slice.

With a deep breath in and a shrug, I opened my mouth, and he fed me the fruit.

‘This… this is kind of weird….’

“Thanks…?”

He handed me the last slice before starting on the second PRO, methodically peeling it. The peel came off in one piece. One long, pretty spiral.

The first slice, he popped into his mouth, chewing quickly while he separated the rest.

I couldn’t help but lean into his side. His side covered by many layers of fluffy blankets. But somehow that high body temperature of his managed to make it through all those layers. My head dropped against his shoulder as I munched on the one PRO slice he gave me.

His head tipped, resting against my mine.

Once everything was all separated, he handed me the five slices left of the second PRO.

“You cleaned everything….”

“Eh,” I shrugged.

“You should have left it to me.”

“Ehhhh.”

“Cleaning… it helps calm me. It feels… familiar.”

“…Next time then. ‘Cause I have no idea what I was doing.”

“…Are Ixie and Zephyr alright?” he asked.

“ _They’re still melting out of the snow. As for your cinnamon buns, they’re going to char in 5, 4, 3 –_ ”

Bucky smoothly leapt over the poorly cleaned counter and opened the toaster door in what looked to be one motion.

‘I could watch him move all day.’

Didn’t even matter that he was under a massive pile of blankets. Still fun to watch.

He didn’t care for the tongs much. Used his cybernetic to pick up the cinnamon buns. He paused by the fridge and grabbed something from inside before returning to the one cushion left on the couch.

He wiggled into the little distance between us, removing the blankets from his right. He didn’t lean into me, but our sides were pressed together.

Taking the hint, I sunk against him and rested my head on his shoulder. “How are you holding up? Anything else I can do?”

“…This… this is good…” he replied after wolfing down a bun in about five bites. “…I… I didn’t mean to wake you…. I did my best to be quiet. I didn’t know where else to go.”

“Bucky, you’re welcome to wake me whenever you feel like. No reason needed.”

“I shouldn’t…. You haven’t been getting enough sleep.”

“Doesn’t matter. If you don’t want to be alone, I’ll be here,” I assured as he ate the second cinnamon bun. “Next to you. In whatever situation.”

Bucky didn’t say anything in response. Only tilted his head until it rested on mine.

And then out of nowhere, he was peeling another PRO. Probably what he picked up when he opened the fridge. Another perfect spiral of peel later, he was munching on the first slice before separating the rest and handing them to me after a minute or so.

“Thanks…. Do you want to watch a movie or something?”

Bucky shook his head, his arm wrapping around me.

“Okay….” I reached up with my left hand, soothing my fingers over his cheek.  Or at least that’s what I was hoping me playing with his stubble came off as. Scratching it was oddly fun.

“…What is it?” Bucky questioned lightly.

“Huh?”

“You want to say something.”

‘…How the fuck does he know these things? I swear I don’t have words stamped on my face. Unlike his.’

He nudged me when I took too long.

I took a deep breath in, searching for the words. “Are you sure you want to teach me how to defend myself…?”

His hand waved into the ether. “She mentioned you could use what you learn to kill people.”

“I can’t argue with that…. When shit hits the fan, I doubt I’d be able to compartmentalize what skills I learn from you…. You… you shouldn’t teach me if you’re not alright with me killing people….

“Though learning how to shoot probably might stop the collateral damage…. Shoot what I want to shoot and not hope for the best?”

“They’ll come for me, and they’ll go through you to get to me…. I can’t leave you defenceless against them… in case… in case I… I-I….”

“…Whatever happens, try not to blame yourself for it….”

“None of this matters until I manage to dart you…” he pointed out.

“I could probably figure a way to nudge you into shooting me with a dart….”

“I don’t want to snap and hurt you.”

“I’m not going to threaten you or the dogs. Let me think on it a bit. If I come up with something, shall I use it?”

“…If you’re sure I won’t hurt you.”

“Deal.”

“…I think… I think I’m going to take a shower after you finish your breakfast.”

To which, with one PRO slice left, I changed my eating tactics to nibbles. To stretch out this moment a little longer. Let him have more time to relax.

But the last bite came too soon, and true his word, Bucky peeled away from my side and got onto his feet.

“I… I should be alright now,” he muttered softly, eyes not quite meeting mine. “You should go back to sleep.”

I shrugged, fishing out an earbud from my shorts pocket. “I might check out the sn… outside? If anything, call me. I have my earbud in.”

With a nod, Bucky headed for the hallway to the rooms. Going by how his stiff gate was and how hunched shoulders were, he was _barely_ alright.

 ‘I hope he’s been using hot water….’

And not the sad excuse for room temp water. Pretty sure it’s colder than room temp.

No point in saving hot water here. Something would have to be seriously wrong for us to run out.

“ _He’d probably be more comfortable barging into your room if you wore more than panties to sleep._ ”

“But it gets so hot,” I whined. “And then it gets all tangled up. Next thing I know I’m having a nightmare about breathing problems and I wake up not able to breathe ‘cause it’s actually fucking strangling me.”

“ _Takes you about five minutes to figure that out. Give or take a couple. I guess you and your brother’s dumb idea of holding each other’s heads underwater did pay off._ ”

I shrugged her off.

Leave it to Eve to watch me strangle myself with my pyjamas.

“Let me know if Bucky’s not okay,” I said and headed to the door.

“ _…If I must._ ”

“…This is a shit ton of snow….”

I was standing knee deep in it.

Fresh and white.

The air crisp and cold.

A grin worked its way across my face. I always loved this view with snow. A world covered in powdered sugar.

Falling face first into the fluffiness was a semi bad plan. The ribs did not appreciate it as much as the rest of me did. Except for my ankle. It didn’t quite like being bent that way yet.

Sitting up, I pushed at the snow and formed a wall. A snow castle. I could probably make shapes that I couldn’t with sand, but then Eve would render it as a sand castle on the windows….

Probably.

…Probably not.

With a pout, I grabbed a handful of snow and packed it into a ball. Rolled that around until I had one about half the size of me. Stacked three of them on top of each other.

As much as I loved the crunch of snow under my feet, I was too lazy to find pebbles and branches. Too far to walk. Too deep under the snow.

When I tried to poke holes for a face, my stupid twitching hand moved too much, and the head shattered.

“Okay, this is turning out more demented than I thought….”

With a shrug, I let my body drop backwards.

“Fuck… my ribs….”

But after the pain faded, this was comfortable. A nice cool bed with perfect tailored support.

As much as I tried to keep my mind off everything I still had to do, it didn’t work. Project Oasis kept returning to my thoughts. How it all could have been if things… if things played out differently….

_“Ewww! Nononono! Don’t drink that!” half of us squealed, cringing away from the sight of Jess taking a swig of the still muddy water._

_“It’s just dirt,” she laughed. A piece of whatever that was in the water stuck to her tooth._

_“We suck at filtering water…” I sighed, swirling the dark bottle of liquid._

_“Did we even remember to boil it?” Amber asked, not even looking up at the bug she was prodding with a stick. “You did grab the dirt by the tree, and most animals tend to mark their territory in that area. The microbes in animal piss –”_

_Jess started dry heaving, and Chanelle followed suit out of a reaction._

_We never did light a fire._

_“Yay…. Camping…. Such fun…” I groaned, staring at different layers in the bottle. “There has to be a better way to filter water than just pushing it through rocks and shit.”_

_That had Amber looking up. She waved me closer. “There’re a few bacteria out there I can think of that_ could _be of use. They’ll need to be crossbred, and if we could figure out how to gene edit properly, we might manage something workable.”_

_“Oh oh, and if we can make them reproduce cheaply without going rampant in the environment… we can give this out for free.”_

_“Hmmm, there’s something I have in mind for that.”_

_“Holy shit, we just might solve the world’s water supply problem,” I half cheered in an excited whisper._

_“I guess we found another side project.”_

_“And one that doesn’t involve poisons. Yay!”_

_“What are you two whispering about?” Chanelle cut in._

_“Can’t figure out how to tell you about the spider in your hair,” I fired back to throw some insanity as a cover._

_“I think I’m getting hearing loss…” Amber stated flatly. Barely heard her over all the screeching._

**_**_ **

_“Did you hear that? Was that just me? Tell me that was just me? Tell me you didn’t hear a crack! What the hell cracked?!” I yelled, trying to crawl out from under the massive water tank I was working on._

_“…You may have a problem on your hands.”_

_“Amber?!”_

_“Yup. You have a problem.”_

_“What the fuck is cracking n –!?”_

_“The glass, what else?” Amber commented from her spot on the table, safe from the water flooding out of the tank._

_“I was really hoping that it wasn’t,” I muttered, flinging my soaking hair off my face._

_“If hope could alter reality, we wouldn’t be working on this project.”_

_“That would an interesting world to live in.”_

_“It wouldn’t be boring. Absolute chaos, as the good willed and the greedy clash in ideals. Do you know anybody who could make this world happen?”_

_“…Nope,” I said, searching my memory through all the files on powered people I’ve read. “Nobody comes to mind…? Yup, nobody….”_

_“…This is the third glass that broke.”_

_“I was hoping that third time’s the charm. But I think we’re making this too big. Water volume problem.”_

_“_ The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome, _” Eve half sung._

_“Remember not everyone can do detail work like you do, and you’re trying to make this free for everyone,” Amber reminded._

_“Fuck…. And I’ve been poking around at other projects like this. They’re being sunk by corporations. Something about loss of profit if water’s free.”_

_“If we do all the work under their radar and release it all at once….”_

_“I’ll figure something out by then,” I laughed, getting onto my feet to grab more glass sheets. ‘Fourth time’s the charm. Yup sounds about right.’_

**_**_ **

_“Hey, wake up. Class starts in ten,” Amber said, punctuated with a stick poking my back._

_“…The fuck? Why am I sleeping on the floor…?”_

_“Don’t remember?”_

_“…I just… I just… I remember we were working on Oasis…? Did you shoot me up with something again?”_

_“Wanted a night in,” she shrugged. “So? What are the symptoms?”_

_“A massive fucking headache, and I guess memory loss?” I answered, pulling out a prototype dart from my lower back._

_“Does only one side of your head hurt or…?”_

_“…I hit my head on the way down, didn’t I?”_

_“_ Maybe _,” Amber grinned. “I guess the ratios need to be tweaked again. Knocked you out for about nine hours.”_

_“The memory loss can come in use,” I sighed out and scramble to get ready for class, which was easy since I was still in my uniform._

_“But hey, good news. Managed to solve the breeding problem last night. Only have the invasive species problem left.”_

_“Oh! There’s that thing! The thing you told me to remind you of. That thing can probably solve this thing. Uhh… The thing where one thing eats the other thing, and only that other thing? The harmless thing that needs the special thing to survive.”_

_“…Yeah. That could work. If I can breed this bacterium to only be able to reproduce in that one. Yeah, that would solve our invasive species problem.”_

_“And with what I have saved up, I should be able to swallow the production cost for the tanks. If not, I can go to Gramps or something. We so got this. Free water for all!” I cheered, wrapping an arm around Amber’s neck and half forcing her to drag me to class._

_“You live in Vancouver. Water is free. Not so much in Richmond. We have to pay for our water. I wish I don’t have to decide between a shower or a having some protein,” Chanelle pouted, sitting down at our usual table. “You don’t know how good you have it.”_

_‘…Could just save up the money you spend to smoke two packs a day…. We’re fucking fifteen.’_

“ _Val, Mr. Barnes, he… he’s…._ ”

At Eve’s voice, I sat up and found Bucky standing in the doorway of the fake boulder. Still bundled up with so many blankets. Which did _nothing_ to hide the panic twisting his face and colouring his movements.

His feet shuffled back and forth, and side to side. His hands gripped the edges of the doorway. Probably would have shattered it if it were made of any other kind of glass.

His blue eyes locked with mine.

I quickly got up to make my way to him. “Bucky! I’ll come to y –…?”

A mass of blankets with a man inside leapt through the air, landing about halfway between me and the fake boulder. The fluttering fabric barely skimmed the surface of the snow before it was flying through the air again.

With a soft crunch of snow, the mass of blankets stopped in front of me.

“Buck –”

A pair of arms wrapped around me and I slammed face first into a very hot chest of muscles.

From what I could tell in the darkness of the blankets, we were moving very quickly. When I expected a bounce in momentum, there wasn’t.

_“I use my legs.”_

Then everything came to a stop.

I was pretty sure we were sitting on the couch, still all wrapped up. I tried to push my way out of the dark, but I couldn’t. Not with those arms keeping me trapped.

“Bucky, you don’t like the cold. I can warm up with a shower,” I reasoned, feeling the panic clawing its way out of me.

_“Sweetie, I’m home!!”_

I could feel his face nuzzling against the top of my head, even through the layers of blanket. “You could have frozen to death. Ste… Ste –”

_“I’ll only be gone for a few hours, Sweetie. Lots of love.”_

“ _Mr. Barnes, if I may –”_

“It’s too dark in here!” I blurted out, and he quickly removed the blankets from my face.

“Sorry…. I-I didn’t mean….”

I nodded my head.

Let him know I heard. Maybe he’d get that I’m okay or something.

‘You’re safe. It’s Bucky. Not him. You’re safe.’

“You weren’t moving. I thought… I thought you die-died…” he whispered to the top of my head and tucked me close under his chin.

I was rather sure I was as cold as ice, at least when compared to him, but he didn’t seem bothered by that. Clung onto me tightly instead of shying away from the cold.

I flinched back when I spotted a flash of his cybernetic under the blankets.

“Not going to cover your head,” he assured, wrapping the blanket tightly around us. “You’re in a T-shirt and shorts…. I thought you were on the beach. The windows. They-they – Your lips are still blue…. You’re not even wearing shoes.”

‘You’re okay. You’re at Soteria. You’re safe here, you pathetic idiot. He’s not here. Bucky’s here.’

“Please don’t die,” he practically begged in the tiniest whisper. “ _Please…._ ”

Unclenching my fists were a struggle. Barely able to pry my arm from hugging myself to wrap around his torso.

For now, I couldn’t trust my voice not to break on me. Took everything I had not to beg utter nonsense at him.

“ _I wouldn’t actually let her freeze to death. There was no reason for you to have gone outside, Mr. Barnes…. If you let her change into dry clothing, it would be more comfortable for the both of you._ ”

Still he refused to loosen his hold.

‘It’s Bucky, you dimwit. Bucky. Not him. Bucky. It’s bloody fucking Soteria. We’re safe here.’

My muddled brain could almost fall asleep if I dare to close my eyes.

 

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with Mosaic thus far, I hope you’ve enjoy this story as much as I have fun writing it.
>
>> I have a favour to ask of anybody with moment of time to spare. 
> 
> I need help with getting some visibility for Mosaic on Wattpad, which requires that the story has a following before people can find it on the site. Just clicking on the link would help. No account needed. (Plus there’s a little pic of how Val sort of looks like.)  
> [Wattpad: Mosaic](https://www.wattpad.com/571655241-mosaic-bucky-barnes-winter-soldier-x-original)
> 
>  
> 
> Clicking through chapters will help even more. They don’t sort by update like here and they punish those who update too often. They have some algorithm that takes in to account how maybe times a page in the story is accessed, how many scrolls to the bottom of the page, votes, comments and a bunch of other factors.  
> Trying to get Mosaic visible on Wattpad has eaten into huge chunks of my weeks I usually spend on writing Mosaic, and so far I’ve only managed to get a couple of people voting as a thanks for helping them. I rather work on writing and editing than play Wattpad’s popularity game.


	31. Bucky Barnes - Goldilocks

 

******

 

Spray lube.

Brush grime.

Hear door open.

Scramble to hide everything.

“ _Time to have new cushion covers made…._ Again _._ ”

“What? Why? I didn’t even do anything,” Valeriy huffed, coming into sight from around the shelf corridor.

Arms crossed. Lips pouting. Left foot clinking every time it met the floor.

‘She’s supposed to be asleep.’

At 0411, she was usually asleep.

“…You’re not hiding food under that cushion, are you?” she asked, pale gray eyes drifting to my right and down.

I couldn’t help but push my elbow down. Wanting to discreetly smooth out the bumps from the objects underneath.

“…No… I wasn’t eating,” I mumbled. Had the last of the cinnamon bun 73 minutes ago.

Valeriy carefully navigated over Zephyr’s sleeping body. Swaying a bit to keep most of her weight off her left leg.

Pull foot. Swing body into corner. Target incapacitated.

At her stumble, I shot my arm out to steady her. Stop her from landing on Zephyr. Couldn’t hazard him to sink his teeth into her.

With a shrug, she decided to squeeze into the little space between the dog, the higher layer of the couch and my arm.

“Is it porn…?”

“Wha –?”

“ _Wrong kind of lube. I don’t even want to figure out how porn could lead to that particular cushion cov – That failed. I need to go delete the last three minutes or so._ ”

Valeriy peered under the cushion.

I needed two hands to stop her. Or I had to pull her away. I couldn’t risk hurting her.

“ _Why_ are you hiding guns, Bucky?” She glanced my way and smiled softly. “Aw, it’s not like I’m a little kid. I’m not going to shoot myself.”

She picked up two pieces belonging to two different guns and tried to slot them together. She didn’t force them in place. Even traded a part for another. Still the wrong gun.

“…Uhh, cross that out. The thing about shooting myself…? That’s a lie.”

“ _I was wondering if you remembered darting your own face. By accident._ Twice _._ ”

At those words, I scrambled to grab the parts from her. She didn’t fight me on it. Opening her hands

“If I remember, you pulled one of those triggers. It’s why you can’t pull anymore triggers on your own,” Valeriy huffed.

 I fitted everything back into place. Tucking all of it out of sight. Behind me. Under the cushion we sat on.

“I don’t get why you feel the need to hide all of that from me. It’s not like I haven’t used them before….”

None of this felt right.

A part of me wanted to keep her from all of this. But I couldn’t.

Not with the dangers that surrounded her. Not when Hydra could drag her away.

If I turned on her… a gun might be her only hope.

I didn’t want to think about it until I had to, so I asked, “Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

Valeriy didn’t answer.

Not with words.

Her back twisted until she leaned against my side. Her head tilting to the side, resting on my shoulder.

I cautiously wrapped my arm around her. Making sure to keep the pressure light. Waiting for the sting of a slap. She didn’t ask for a hug. But under unsettled churning in my gut, this felt right.

My nerves settled when she returned the gesture. Still turned away. But her arm bent behind and held me close. Her fingers drawing senseless lines on my back.

Ignoring the occasional twitch from her healing hand, the movements to it wasn’t what I was used to. Not the calming touch. An anxious tick.

It unsettled my nerves.

My hand tucked under her legs, and I pulled my own legs out from under Ixie and Zephyr to stand up.

A squeak escaped Valeriy. Her arms scrambling to cling onto me. A panicked heartbeat pounding away for six seconds.

I stopped in front of the silver machine. The one that spat out drinks. One I haven’t used before.

No buttons to press. No screen to tap. No way to interact with it.

A mug rose up from a hidden opening in the stone counter. Hums and clicks filled the silence. All on its own.

That had Valeriy’s attention. Before she could twist and strain her ribs, I turned my back to the machine, so she could watch it.

_Might I offer a mug of steamed milk? I hear it helps with sleep._

The text appeared on the stone counter of the island for a quarter second.

I shook my head.

I wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon. Not 23 minutes from now as the A.I. ghost would nag about.

Not when I’m needed.

I snatched the mug from her fingers mid tip. Held it out of Valeriy’s reach. Not the first time she tried to drink freshly made steaming liquid. Far from the first time she’d burn her tongue on it. Doubt she’d learn from those mistakes.

The mug filled only two thirds full. Filled enough that the little malfunctions to the arm wouldn’t spill the contents. Couldn’t stop her attempts without my arm she sat on.

Settling in another area of the couch. Away from the guns. I carefully sat us down. Made sure not to drop her.

The dogs didn’t seem to notice we had moved away. Ixie only flopped over. Both still asleep.

“Sorry,” she mumbled into my shoulder. “It’s just a stupid nightmare….”

“It’s not stupid,” I countered. Holding her tighter.

The words that left my own lips felt like a slap to the face. For every time the A.I. ghost woke me from the terrors. For the times I wanted to scream and spill all the horrors. For the times I wanted to be wrapped up in blankets and a hug.

For all the times I’ve told myself that it was all stupid.

“I shouldn’t be – Not after so lo….” She huffed and dropped her head against my shoulder with a _thud_. “…It’s tiring.”

My fingers tangled through her hair. Stroking down her head. Combing through the tangles. Trying to imitate what she’s done for me…. When she hadn’t thought I had eyeballs in my hair.

The metal fingers brought the mug to my lips. I blew at the hot drink. Dodged her hand when she tried to grab it from me again.

“It needs to cool down.”

She merely grumbled. Hid her face against my neck. Her hair tickling my nerves.

I stamped down the urge to react. Concentrated on my breathing. Needed to cool down the drink. Took a testing sip.

Sweet. Creamy. Cinnamon.

‘This… should be okay?’

Didn’t burn my tongue. 42 degrees Celsius.  

_A bouncy upbeat song._

_A twirl of green spotted dress._

_A hint of butterscotch in the chocolate._

_A smack of a wooden spoon._

_“Bucky, no. That’s simmering. It’ll burn you.”_

‘…Why…? Why can’t I remember… your face…?’

No matter how I tried….

I couldn’t.

I transferred the mug from the metal fingers over to my hand before placing it in Valeriy’s. “Don’t gulp it down.”

“Okay,” she chirped, cautiously tasting the hot chocolate. “Thanks.”

A little giggle. A content hum. A thud when she knocked her head against my chin. None too gently. It sort of hurt.

“Sorry,” she winced out, giving my chin a pat. Thumb catching on the stumble when it stroked over the spot her head knocked.

My palm ended up on her cheek. My thumb tracing over that apologetic smile. Feeling the tremble in her cheek from the forced expression. A mask covering her nerves.

The smile dropped. A brow rose in question. Her breath shortened. Slowly her skin under my hand warmed up.

Her left hand covered a portion of mine. Fingers slipping between mine. Gently pulled my hand away from her face. I didn’t resist it, letting them fall to her knee.

Valeriy cleared her throat. Her eyes drifting off to the left of me. “I – um, I need a distraction…?”

“Tetris?”

“Nah. Are you still alright with me nudging you into darting me?”

If it would distract her, “Yes.”

“I could really use the sleep,” she shrugged with another smiling mask. “If I start growing eye bags… yeah, not going there. Not fun.”

She stretched out, winced and slumped over with a grumbling pout.

“I really fucking miss being able to stretch and feel satisfied…. Not feel all the bloody needles keeping my bones in place….”

“I shouldn’t shoot at…. I could stay with you until you fall asleep,” I offered.

“Eh that’s fine. You should be sleeping soon, right?”

“…Yes.”

11 minutes.

She pulled on a grin, and while she stood up on the couch, she stepped right onto the fireplace. Not caring for the small pebbles under her feet as she crossed it. Her legs lifted over the charred logs in her way. At least the fire wasn’t going.

Her metal wrapped heel tapped twice against the side and a fire flared up behind her, hiding her lower half in flames.

The lack of screaming assured me that she didn’t catch on fire.

Another large step later, she weaved between Ixie and Zephyr. She bent down behind the flames.

The Five seveN I left under the cushion, it was in her left hand. Her right easily cocked the gun.

I raced after her. Couldn’t go over the fireplace with the massive fire. Before I could run around it, a shot rang through the room.

“ _Thank god a 5.7x28 mm round doesn’t do shit to the windows._ ”

Except it ricocheted and buried itself into –

“ _What part of custom flooring do you not understand is expensive?_ ”

Ixie and Zephyr perked right up. At the young woman’s head tilt, they scrambled away. Bounding to me.

Unholster Yari. Aim between the ribs. Target incapacitated.

I jumped between them. Pushing the dogs to keep them behind me. Away from the gun.

Away from her.

Hurl couch cushion at face. Target incapacitated.

“Huh, I thought it’d have more of a kick? At least there’s real bullets in…. I’m not going to shoot at you or the dogs. Don’t worry about that,” she stated lightly, waving a dismissive hand and the fire beside me went out.

But instead of putting the gun down, she aimed the barrel directly at her right foot. The uninjured one.

I couldn’t get to her in time. She could pull the trigger before I could stop her. The dart revolver had found its way into my grip.

That was one of the guns I took from Hydra. Not one of the A.I. ghost’s. She couldn’t stop this.

Squeeze trigger. Target incapacitated.

Squeeze trigger. Target incapacitated.

A sneeze broke the tension and another shot rang out.

Automatically, I searched for injuries. On her. On the dogs. On my body. For the smell of blood. _Anything_.

That was her real sneeze. Not the fake one she used on the Hydra agent 27 days ago.

“ _Could you not have shot the same bloody tile that you ruined?_ ”

“Oops? I missed,” she laughed out, lining up the barrel with her foot. _Again_.

Squeeze trigger. Target incapacitated.

Squeeze trigger. Target incapacitated.

_Squeeze trigger. Target incapacitated._

_A thud sounded at the body hitting the hardwood floor. The last breath crackling at the bubbles in the blood filling his lungs. The red pool grew, surrounding the body._

_A blood soaked yari gleamed from the street light down the alley. A frustrated cry echoed off the brick walls. Running steps splattered in the fresh puddles. A side step. Easy retrieval of the knife from her grasp. Her body fell. Only a matter of time before she ran out of blood._

“Thank you… Bucky,” she grinned. Happy.

Her body swayed as she tried to lie down. The gun clattered to the floor before her body followed. Collapsing onto her side. Out cold.

I rushed to her. Taking the Five seveN. Disassembling it. Tossing all the pieces in different directions. Far from her. Far from each other.

I gathered her up, expecting to find a pool of blood growing under her. There wasn’t one.  

Checked for a pulse. Found one.

Searched for a bullet wound. Had to run my fingers over her right foot to be sure. Couldn’t trust my eyes that there wasn’t a hole.

There was a little red mark. A burn. On her big toe. Near the top. The bullet barely grazed the skin. Didn’t break it. Just grazed it.

Carefully I plucked the now empty dart from her neck. A drop of blood welled up from the tiny hole in her skin.

I should leave.

I shouldn’t be here.

She needed to be safe.

But I couldn’t let her go.

I held her closer.

Barely remembered not to put pressure on her injuries.

“I’m sorry, Valeriy,” I mumbled into the top of her head. “I’m so sorry.”

“ _Can’t say I can find any fault with what happened. You stopped her from doing something she shouldn’t, which was the whole point of this little… exercise. I didn’t think you had it in you. Congratulations on proving me wrong, Mr. Barnes. You got what you wanted. I’ll have the weaponry you requested gathered and delivered._ ”

It didn’t feel like it.

I didn’t want this.

To know I could hurt somebody who –

A wet nose bumped into my cheek. Sniffing. A slobbering tongue raked up my face. A soft yip of a bark sounded right at my ear.

“Ixie….”

She nudged her head against mine. The force behind her almost pushing me over.

A sigh sounded from the speakers, and then a pulse echoed out of all of them. Filling the entire room. Drowned out my own thundering at my ears. Pulsing in time with Valeriy’s. So loud I could barely hear anything else. Not Ixie’s bark. Not her words.

“ _She’s alive, Mr. Barnes. Her vitals are fine. Her readouts are looking better. No longer stressed and scared. They’ve been calming down since she took hold of the gun._ ”

Graphs popped up on the windows. Some moved down slowly. Some stayed still.

Cortisol. Oxytocin.

“ _She needs the rest. The chances of her microsleeping were high for tomorrow’s supply pickup…. She’d never find her way of out the tunnels if it happens during that mess…. You didn’t kill her. You actually saved her in the long run._ ”

“Did you know?” I growled out, unwilling to let go of Valeriy.

The heartbeat lowered in volume.

“ _Apologies. I missed that. I haven’t mastered gritted teeth lip reading._ ”

“Did you know she was going to shoot herself!?!”

“ _Can’t say I’m particularly surprised. This has crossed my mind when she offered to… manipulate you into darting her, but we only talked about how manipulating you would make the whole thing moot. Seemed she found a way around it._

“ _If it makes you feel any better, she had faith that you’d stop her before shot herself. The usual uptick of cortisol when she knows she’s about to do something painful wasn’t there, even though, knowing her, she had every intention of following through._ ”

“It doesn’t.”

I don’t feel any better.

Even if my heart rate slowed from the panic. The sound of hers forced mine to slow. Couldn’t hear the fear in it. Only a steady beat.

“…I could have killed her.”

“ _As much as I’ve hoped you’d have proved me right to her, you haven’t. You have about eight much deadlier options to use hidden on you and you picked the dart revolver instead. Besides, if you meant to kill Val, those two would have torn you to shreds as they’re supposed to._ ”

That’s reassuring.

So long as Ixie and Zephyr were around, she’d stand a chance of surviving if… if I….

“ _And I hate to admit this, but you might be behind the reason why they haven’t been relegated to the usual task of dragging Val’s body back after a mishap on the mountain._ ”

I glance down at Valeriy. Had to block a white paw from clubbing her face.

She didn’t look dead. She seemed peaceful. Her chest moving with each breath. She’s alive.

“ _Shall I turn up the volume to her pulse?_ ”

I shook my head, getting up off the floor with the sleeping woman.

She didn’t turn it off. I didn’t ask either.

“ _Most of us usually leave her there after darting her._ ”

Ixie and Zephyr followed. One of them nipping at my heel as I walked to Valeriy’s room. Found myself unable to open her door. Even when it swung open, I couldn’t step inside. Stomped down a shiver from the cold air spilling through the doorway.

“ _I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you tossed her inside._ ”

“I’m not going to throw her.”

“ _You’re not exactly walking into her room._ ”

“….”

“ _As much fun it is to watch you wander about trying to find a way to tuck Val in and not let her go, might I suggest you skip to piling up on the couch? And spend the next eight to nine hours waiting for her to wake up while hoping she wouldn’t be chewing into your arm again._ ”

With a deep breath in, I stepped through the doorway. Into the cold room. I could feel the frown on my lips.

Stayed away from the glowing wall. The one with the snapping flower. The only source of light in here that didn’t spill in from the hall. The sea of stars above likely not enough light for her.

A mechanical hum sounded from the ceiling. A chunk of it sliding away. Her bed. Only lowered to 362 centimeters off the floor.

I rolled my shoulder to shift Valeriy’s head. Didn’t want it snapping back on the way up.

The bed shook and swung. Jerked under us when the ropes on the left side pulled taut. Halting the bed.

The A.I. ghost.

She countered each movement with the ropes. Pulling and dropping them whenever the bed wobbled. Made drawing back the comforter easier.

‘…Where… where do I put her….?’

33 pillows piled on the bed. Some atop of each other. No room to lay her down. Except for the little 23 by 23 centimeters square center of the bed. Framed by the pillows. No way that she’d fit in there. Even if she curled up into a ball.

‘What? What does the square mean…?’

A picture on the curved windows lit up the room. A massive overhead picture of Valeriy sleeping. Most of her covered by the comforter.

‘…Bottom goes here…? Head… which pillow is that? This one?’

Some pillows were soft. Some pillows were hard. Some pillows were bulky. Some pillows were thin. Some pillows had soft beads. Some pillows had hard beads.

‘…No. This one…?’

Three red dots landed on three pillows.

Made sure her hair wasn’t stuck under her.

‘Arms go…?’

Before I could move them, her limbs slipped between and wound around the pillows. Snuggling down into them until she was half hidden away.

When she used a pillow as a blanket, I pulled the comforter over her. Tucked it around her shoulders.

Had to check that she had a pulse. Even if the A.I. ghost still played it on all the speaker.

There.

I did it.

I tucked her in.

She’s alive.

I didn’t wander back and forth with her.

I shuffled over the pillows to the edge of the bed. Watching Ixie and Zephyr circling below. Tails languidly wagging as they walked.

Ixie glanced up. Stared for nine seconds and let out a small bark. Her tail a blur behind her. Zephyr sat down, looked up and cocked his head to the side in question.

I turned back to Valeriy. Checked her pulse.

Still alive.

‘This is…’

If she rolled too far in any direction….

I yanked off the duvet, heard her grumble, and pulled her to me. Her and the pillow she clung onto. Jumped off the bed. Blocked Zephyr’s paws from landing on her.

He kept his front paws on my back, waddling along behind me while we all made our way out of the cold room. Had to shrink and slow my strides so he wouldn’t slip and fall.

“ _That bed’s too soft for you. The next one’s too hard for her. A bit reversed but neither of us are one to care._ ”

I frowned, staring down at Valeriy tucked in the futon, as the A.I. ghost called it. The one I found in the brother’s closet my first night here. It didn’t make me feel as if I was about to be swallowed.

It’s definitely harder than her bed.

‘It’s softer than a binder….’

With a sigh, I picked her up again and headed to her room. Couldn’t bring myself to jump back onto that unsafe bed of hers, and I naturally wandered back to the only other bed.

I couldn’t leave her alone on the floor. Not with Zephyr around trying to sit on her face and Valeriy reacting with the biting.

At every turn I made, irritation spread within me. I wasn’t proving the A.I. ghost wrong. I was doing exactly as she said. Wandering back and forth. Over and over. Again and again.

Even ended up on the couches. In a pile.

Ixie and Zephyr asleep on my legs.

Valeriy had been buried under the pillows and blankets I raided from her bed.

Only took her six minutes to worm her way behind me. Curled up against my back. An arm around my waist instead of her pillows. Her mouth against my left side. Her breath brushing over my skin through the fabric of my shirt.

Exactly as predicted.

Except for where I was getting bit. Rather sure it wouldn’t be my arm.

It also left me as the only person awake to watch the sun peek over the mountains to the east. Bathing the green and gray in the morning light.

Maybe the A.I. ghost was enjoying the stars flicker out as the skies brighten.

Not a word exchanged between us. Only the tune of Valeriy’s pulse filled the air.

Still, I couldn’t help but occasionally check for her pulse.

 

******

 

‘Why…? Why I can’t I understand this?’

It’s in English. It’s _clearly_ in English. I understand English. I should understand English….

‘Take a break,’ I told myself.

Maybe it’d make some sense after. Shouldn’t stress over this. Don’t want to trigger anything.

Used the break to check Valeriy’s pulse. Ignoring the steady thumps playing around the room.

553 minutes since I pulled the dart from her skin.

‘Alive. She’s alive…. Okay. Back to the problem.’

I understood every word of this paragraph. Simple enough. No big words. But together… I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.

I had no idea what this mathematics question was asking for.

‘What the hell do I even do with the numb –!’

The body behind me stopped the relaxed breathing. She wasn’t breathing. Not a muscle moved.

The muscles of my torso braced. Ready for a bite. A hit. A stab. Pain. Any sort of pain.

Cautiously, I glanced down at her face.

Under the guise of sleep, she was thinking. The slight shift in her brow.

Those gray eyes snapped open, and almost instantly, locked onto mine. For a fleeting second.

A smile broke on her face. The tension draining out of the air. Both of us breathing again. Her arm wrapping tighter around me.

“You can’t be any bit comfy like this….”

“ _He’s not any bit comfortable. His muscles are cramped up. My guess would be his legs and maybe some abs._ ”

“I’m fine,” I grumbled.

Even if the pins and needles felt like a bunch of grabby hands on my legs. Nothing I couldn’t handle. Nothing I wasn’t used to.

“ _Keep telling yourself that._ ”

With the tiniest of sighs, I looped my fingers around the slim wrist of Valeriy’s injured hand. The hand she kept dropping on the side of her head. Over her ear.

“Why… why is my heartbeat everywhere?” she asked. “…That’s not in my head, right? You hear it too, right? It sounds like I have a massive headache. Doesn’t quite feel like my headache should be this loud…?”

“ _It’s in your head._ ”

“It’s not,” I countered. Shuffling what I could with Ixie and Zephyr still asleep. Twisting my back so I could face her. Move the metal arm further away from her.

Carefully, I plucked the little earbud from her right ear before covering her ear with my hand. Blocking out the noise or muffling it.

“It’s not in your head.”

“Oh…. Eve, why the fuck are you blasting my heartbeat all over the bloody place?”

“ _I do wonder why I would._ ”

Tucking a lock of long hair behind her ear, I asked, “How bad is your heada – How did you –?”

“While you were smiling down at me,” Valeriy grinned.

That was the dart revolver in her hand. The one I had tucked away in a holster from one of the boxes in the motel room. The one I shot her with.

Even twitching, her fingers easily opened up the dart chamber of the revolver. She knocked it against the stone of the couch. Wincing away from the filled darts dropping all onto her face.

“ _Seventy seconds. Tad slower than I hoped. But passable._ ”

Valeriy blindly groped around until she held one of the darts to the light. “Eve told you to change out the darts, huh?”

I yanked my hand away. Expected the butt of the handle to make contact to the side of my head.

“What’s in the…? What did I shoot you with?”

I quickly gathered up the darts scattered about her head. Before one could end up in her again. Took the revolver from her too.

“Hey, hey. All’s good. Nothing harmful. I should have gone over some of the blends with you long before this. Sorry that I haven’t.”

“I… I thought it went bad. There was something growing inside. There were specks floating in the solution. I-I thought….”

“ _I never said they expired. Merely suggested that you should change it._ ”

“Seriously, Eve. Stop using him to play your little games,” Valeriy huffed. Her arms moving around as if searching for something.

“ _I’ll think about it._ ”

“And you Bucky, don’t worry about Eve so much. She wouldn’t cause me permanent damage if she has a sway in events.”

She believed the words she spoke. That the A.I. ghost wouldn’t….

“The blends, anything clear and colorless like water is basically safe. Knock out blends. Memory blends. Sensor blends. Antidote blends. Ones with no risk of lasting damage. If anything is not okay to use, the blends turn pitch black. All of them do,” Valeriy rattled off.

The darts set next to me were completely clear and colorless.

The ones I changed out had dark green flakes.

Neither had any black to them.

“The old stuff don’t have speckle markings. They’re not supposed to be used. But after I drank one of the more poisonous blends on accident…. Seriously, I had no idea. She kept it in our dorm fridge in an unlabelled water bottle. Either way, Amber’s been coloring anything not harmless since.

“We use the colors of the liquid and speckle combinations in place of labels. Anybody handling the blends has to pass a bi weekly color test. Umm… the binder on them is…. It’s somewhere….”

A heavy sigh escaped her. Her hand giving my lower back a gentle pat.

“…So… I’m kind of stuck here…? Don’t have enough room to move without putting pressure on my hand and ribs….”

At that, I pulled my numb legs from under Ixie and Zephyr. They stayed asleep. I carefully tucked my arm around the metal cast hugging her ribs. Lifted her up right.

“Thanks.”

An easy smile on her face. Eyes glancing about. Her attention honed in on the mathematics practice exam on the laptop. Her body following her eyes. Fingers navigating the page.

“I can’t make much sense of that question,” I told her.

“No shit. This is…. _Wow_ …. This comes off like a google translate of a foreign language. What the hell, Eve?”

“ _I didn’t translate that. Found it as is._ ”

“But why give him this quest – wow shit, they’re all just as bad. Why?”

“ _I ran out of practice materials to hand him. Short of creating new ones, this was my other option._ ”

Valeriy gave a laugh. Hand holding onto mine. Fingers weaving between mine.

“Pretty sure you’re ready for the final by now, Bucky.”

“… _Midterm…._ ”

“….”

I wanted to shrink away from those pale eyes. Hide. Wanted to hide even more, when they widened.

I couldn’t figure out why she would be excited.

Flinched when she fell against me.

Smash neck into stone edge of the couch. Target incapacitated.

I waited for the arms around my neck to tighten. They did. But not enough to strangle.

“Yay! You did it!”

“ _I take back the passable grade!_ ”

“Congrats! You shot me with a dart!”

The pulse echoing in the room sped up. Coupled with the happy giggles at my ear… it wasn’t fear.

“ _You failed spectacularly, Val._ ”

Her arms fell around my shoulders again. Her cheek pressed against the side of my neck. Her hand rubbed soothing circles on my back.

“Eve’s games aren’t all pointless pranks. She was just testing my observational skills. See if I could figure out what happened and how fast it takes me. Or some shit like that.”

I leaned into her hug. Lightly. Keeping the weight to myself.

 “ _You should have figured out that he darted you with one of the older blends without any memory of what happened._ ”

“First off, I had other priorities once I figured I was safe. Second, figured the what. Not the how. Slipped on the congratulations.”

“ _You’d be lucky if he’ll let you anywhere near a gun._ ”

“Oh….”

Valeriy pulled away enough look at her right foot. The foot she shot at. All five toes wiggling freely.

“Awww, where’d my sixth toe go?”

“…You scared me…” I admitted. “…You weren’t moving. I thought… I-I….”

“Okay. Joking aside,” she said softly. Head tilting until her ear laid on my shoulder. “I’m sorry I put you through that, Bucky.”

Fingers dug through my hair. Soothing away my nerves. Untying the knot that sat in my chest.

“I’m alive, Bucky. I didn’t die. I’m _alive_.”

Her arm pushed down on my shoulder. Heaving herself higher.

Our eyes level.

“Have Eve play my heartbeat for as long as you want. Whatever you need to be sure that I’m alive and well.”

As gentle as she wasn’t with most things She placed my hand on her collarbone. Pressed my fingers three centimeters off from her jugular.

That was until her arm slipped. Her head colliding, none too gently, with my chin.

_Again_.

“Ow…. I’m sorry…” said with an apologetic smile.

The bend of her index finger tucked under my chin. Lightly moved upwards. I obediently followed the movement, tilting my head back.

“You did good, Bucky.”

Punctuated by a soft press of her lips to the side of my chin.

 

******

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made a cover for Mosaic on Wattpad. Check it out for some likeness to Val. It's somewhat close to what I had in mind... I think. [Wattpad: Mosaic](https://www.wattpad.com/571655241-mosaic-bucky-barnes-winter-soldier-x-original)
> 
> Hopefully, Bucky's mental state has improved some.   
> (Honestly, I'm having way too much fun writing in broken sentenses to let that him completely heal.... Yes, I'm evil.)
> 
> And a big thank you to [Tinsela](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tinsela/pseuds/Tinsela) and the Anonymous Fifth Beta for Beta-ing this chapter.


	32. NEW CHAPTERS ARE BEFORE THIS - UPDATE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW CHAPTERS ARE PUT BEFORE THIS ONE

 

I’ve decided to go back over Mosaic and re-edit the entire thing. Mostly fixing the paragraphing and any spelling or grammar mistakes I manage to fix. Any change in information, I’ll add it here. I’m hoping there isn’t any.

 

Chapter 3: Bucky Barnes - Donuts for Days is edited.

(So far, there's only been minor changes. Typos, paragraphing and some tweaking to word choice/dialogue.)

Chapter 31: Bucky Barnes - Goldilocks is up.

 

I’m also posting up the edited chapters on Wattpad (in parts… as suggested by the F.A.Q.s….) since they have inline commenting, which I thought would be useful to anyone who’s interested in helping me improve Mosaic in the future.

[Wattpad: Mosaic](https://www.wattpad.com/571655241-mosaic-bucky-barnes-winter-soldier-x-original)

 

One of the big goals of this story for me is to get the reader to feel the various emotions that the characters feel. There are thoughts, feelings, questions I want to bring people to without saying it out loud. I want to know if I managed that at all, and from there I can improve how I do things in the future (everything but the ending is planned out, but I’m always looking for ways to improve the execution of this long story).

I have an idea of what works for me, and the feedback from my betas over the course of writing Mosaic has helped a bunch. But I’m always learning, and I’ll be ever grateful to anyone who took time out of their day to help me improve.

Literally anything is helpful. Even a “afdgzrfdz” attached to a line is useful to me. I just might ask if it’s a good one or a bad one, and it’s fun when somebody interprets something I never thought of when working on it.

(Basically, I want to know everything that goes through your head while reading Mosaic. ^^)

 

Also, if anyone knows sign language (ASL) and wouldn’t mind helping out with Mosaic, please contact me.

**Author's Note:**

> All kudos and comments are much appreciated.  
> I love to hear from you guys. ^^


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